Every time my husband and I get into an argument, we use one thing to defuse it...

The "Too-Small Trigger"

It may completely transform your relationship, it did for ours:
My husband and I were having trouble “picking our battles.”

I’m a fiery latina who thinks they’re ALL battles.

He’s an ex-military, no grey lines.
So we started something:

The “Too-Small Trigger”
How often do you look back on a fight with a significant other and think... that was dumb.

I can’t believe we got into it over:
• clothes left on the ground
• dirty bathroom sinks
• being 5 minutes late
• taking out the trash

We as humans do a terrible job at prioritizing when we’re elevated.

So, we started doing this one thing mid-fight that’s a pattern interrupt:
When one of us starts to get upset, the other one listens for a second.

Then right about when they’re going to start defending themselves and shifting blame…

We instead say, “1 to 5?”
We ask the other person on a scale of 1 to 5 how important this is to us.

And for some reason...

It triggers the other person to pause think about it, breathe, and then respond.
Sometimes it is TRULY a 5. Resolving this is really a priority.

But most times it’s not. It’s a 1-3.
We say, okay it’s a 1-3.

And we can have a discussion on changing it or our expectations.

We constantly prioritize at work, but not well in our relationships.

This changed the game for us.
3 things this framework depends on:

• At least one partner being calm
• Ability to love change through the 5s
• Willingness to try
This framework won’t save a bad relationship.

It won’t make 2 incompatible people magically right for each other.

But it’ll make the strong stronger.
Hope you guys enjoyed my short stint as a marriage consultant.

If you enjoyed this, drop me a follow @Codie_Sanchez

If you're looking for more ways to free your mind and build your bank account...

I write deep-dive breakdowns & playbooks each week to 225,000+ others.

Subscribe to my newsletter here:

Recommended by
Recommendations from around the web and our community.

Love this framework! Great share