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65% of startups fail because of cofounder conflict according to Harvard’s @noamwass.
I've coached more than 120 founders and I can say that the fear of falling out with a cofounder is a common pattern.
Here’s how to overcome it—and turn it into massive opportunities:
I've coached more than 120 founders and I can say that the fear of falling out with a cofounder is a common pattern.
Here’s how to overcome it—and turn it into massive opportunities:
@noamwass You want to talk about the things that bother you but you’re worried your relationship will suffer.
Holding these things inside is suffocating and is only building up the tension between you.
Opening up to your cofounder gives you anxiety.
What should you do?
Holding these things inside is suffocating and is only building up the tension between you.
Opening up to your cofounder gives you anxiety.
What should you do?
@noamwass Focus on the right question:
Which need of yours is not being met?
A conversation goes south when you tell your cofounder what they do wrong instead of what you truly need.
Which need of yours is not being met?
A conversation goes south when you tell your cofounder what they do wrong instead of what you truly need.
@noamwass Telling them what you need and asking for their support takes courage.
It often requires you to be vulnerable.
Whereas blaming, criticising, and judging are easy.
It often requires you to be vulnerable.
Whereas blaming, criticising, and judging are easy.
@noamwass Compare the following:
a. It’s disrespectful when you leave me out of those investor meetings.
b. I also want to join you when you talk to the investors. I want to feel confident that we’re on track and also learn from them.
Do you feel the difference?
a. It’s disrespectful when you leave me out of those investor meetings.
b. I also want to join you when you talk to the investors. I want to feel confident that we’re on track and also learn from them.
Do you feel the difference?
@noamwass Your cofounder may not know that you want to join those meetings.
They may think that you’d rather focus on the product.
They may be trying to become efficient themselves, ie. “you keep hustling with the team and I’ll take care of the investors”.
They may think that you’d rather focus on the product.
They may be trying to become efficient themselves, ie. “you keep hustling with the team and I’ll take care of the investors”.
@noamwass You can’t always know why your cofounder does what he or she does.
The only thing you know for sure is what YOU need.
Communicate that—and find ways to support each other.
The only thing you know for sure is what YOU need.
Communicate that—and find ways to support each other.
@noamwass Remember: What they’re doing could be a sign that they’re struggling with their own fears.
… and that has nothing to do with you.
Don’t assume, don’t blame, don’t criticise, don’t evaluate.
Here's the playbook 👇
… and that has nothing to do with you.
Don’t assume, don’t blame, don’t criticise, don’t evaluate.
Here's the playbook 👇
@noamwass 1. Is your cofounder doing something that's affecting your well-being?
Tell them how you feel in relation to what they do or did.
Help them see something about what's going on inside you that they don't know and can't see.
This is not blaming, you're giving them information.
Tell them how you feel in relation to what they do or did.
Help them see something about what's going on inside you that they don't know and can't see.
This is not blaming, you're giving them information.
@noamwass 2. Tell them what you really need and why.
Not the type "I need you to be more respectful".
"You're not respectful" is not your true need. :)
Not the type "I need you to be more respectful".
"You're not respectful" is not your true need. :)
@noamwass 3. Propose actions that will satisfy your need.
"Can you send me an email with... Can you create a document... Can you talk to them and..."
"Is that okay with you? Would you be able to do that for me?"
"Can you send me an email with... Can you create a document... Can you talk to them and..."
"Is that okay with you? Would you be able to do that for me?"
@noamwass 4. Listen to them. Be a coach for them.
Ask them how THEY are feeling and what they need.
If they react or become emotional, help them filter through their own unnecessary blaming and criticising.
Help them see and communicate what they truly need.
Ask them how THEY are feeling and what they need.
If they react or become emotional, help them filter through their own unnecessary blaming and criticising.
Help them see and communicate what they truly need.
@noamwass Every time you reach an agreement by going through this process, your relationship will get stronger.
You'll build trust and confidence that you can resolve any issue between you.
A tough conversation is always a hidden opportunity.
You'll build trust and confidence that you can resolve any issue between you.
A tough conversation is always a hidden opportunity.
@noamwass Thank you for reading!
If you found this helpful:
1. Follow me @angelosgeo for more tips on developing your relationship with your cofounder.
2. RT the tweet below to share with your founder friends.
If you found this helpful:
1. Follow me @angelosgeo for more tips on developing your relationship with your cofounder.
2. RT the tweet below to share with your founder friends.
