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ME AND DAMIAN CHAZELLE
A Hollywood parable
1.INCOMING
So… I’m sitting at home, conspicuously not writing, waiting for the latest submission not to be read by a movie star, and a call not to be returned by an executive, when I get a text from a young agent at CAA asking me to call back.
2.INTEREST
After playing phone tag, he tells me there’s ‘interest’ from Damian Chazelle in me playing a role in his new movie, Babylon. At first, I wonder if I’m being pranked, but he insists it’s on the level and would I like to take a look at the script? Well, duh…
3.THE SCRIPT
It’s 175 pp. Very dense. Paragraph after paragraph of single-spaced description. Profane, entertaining, dirty, fun and overheated. I do what every self-respecting actor does, which is to say I check to see how big my part might be.
4.TIME MANAGEMENT
My character (…see how it’s already MY character?) appears in ten scenes spread over a three-month shooting schedule. I’ve admired Damian’s movies but never enjoyed watching someone else direct. It makes me antsy, anxious and envious.
5.THE POSITIVES
It’s nice to be asked. I know Damian a bit and like him. I check IMDB to see who else is in the movie: some are actors I’ve worked with, others I’d love to get to know. I imagine hanging out on set sipping Perrier with Ryan Gosling.
6.THE NEGATIVES
I’m in the middle of a new script and negotiating to direct an indy. Also, there are travel plans with my wife. Would I have to shave off my beard? I grew it while making my first movie. It's in every DGA contract along with the obligatory baseball cap.
7.DOUBTS
No schedule ever holds. What happens if it goes months over? My part is basically one line per scene – with a speech in the finale that will inevitably be cut. I mean, in a 175pp script, who’s more expendable, me or Margot Robbie?
8.THE JURY
I poll my friends. Some say I’m an idiot to say no. "You'll enlarge your profile! Hang out with the cool kids!" A director friend disagrees, "You’ll be the O.G. feeling diminished and boring everyone with war stories while they’re trying to concentrate."
9.TEMPTATION
I think about how often Spielberg invites other directors to do small parts: Truffaut in Close Encounters, Cameron Crowe in Minority Report. I’m leaning toward yes. But then I consider my commitment to my own projects. So…work or vanity?
10.THE VERDICT
Saying no to any offer makes me anxious. Nonetheless I decide to demur. I’m about to call and tell them, but the agent calls first.“They’ve decided to go another way,” he says... Do I laugh or cry? Is it possible to be flattered and rejected? Only in Hollywood.
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