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Love Smart: Find the One You Want--Fix the One You Got

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In Love Find the One You Want -- Fix the One You Got, bestselling author Dr. Phil tells people who are dissatisfied with their love lives to stop making excuses and start taking action.

You deserve a committed relationship, and it is within your control to have the one you want. First, though, you need to determine what you want in a partner, plot your course, and get out there and create velocity in your pursuit of a loving connection.

In this book you'll learn

Present the real you in the most flattering light. You have to stop being your own best kept secret.

Peek behind the male curtain. Dr. Phil tells you things about men that they don't necessarily want you to know. How good is your Guy-Q?

Master the right moves. Don't fade into the wallpaper; get noticed and get involved. If you are already coupled up then learn how to grow and nurture what you have built.

Bag 'em, tag 'em and take 'em home. Learn how to negotiate the relationship you desire and then close the deal.

Get out of your relationship rut. The daily grind, money problems, work, etc., can take their toll on your relationship. Dr. Phil shows you how to assess the state of your union and take your relationship to a deeper level.

There are no There is somebody for everybody, and everybody deserves a relationship filled with love and excitement. Love Find the One You Want -- Fix the One You Got offers you the plan to find not just any relationship but the committed, loving, joy-filled relationship you've been waiting for.

Contact Dr. Phil at www.drphil.com

283 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

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About the author

Phillip C. McGraw

82 books496 followers
Phillip Calvin McGraw, best known as Dr. Phil, is an American television personality, psychologist and author who is the host of the psychology themed television show Dr. Phil. He gained celebrity status following appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show.

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5 stars
309 (25%)
4 stars
332 (27%)
3 stars
347 (29%)
2 stars
133 (11%)
1 star
75 (6%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 128 reviews
Profile Image for Aya Hassan.
231 reviews212 followers
September 11, 2012
ظننت ان الكتاب يتحدث عن الذكاء العاطفى فوجدته يتحدث عن الهروب من العنوسه
هو نسخه مبنيه على اساس علمى من كتاب كيف تصطادين عريسا
اكبر استفاده لى شخصيا هو انى عرفت كيف احصل على المعلومات التى اريدها من اى شخص بمناقشه لا تمت بصله من قريب او من بعيد الى المعلومات التى اريد معرفتها
عيبه الكبير انه يتحدث على اساس محتمع غربى ونظام المواعده وما الى ذلك
Profile Image for Jen.
28 reviews2 followers
June 14, 2009
After I read this I made a list (like it suggests in the book) about what I wanted in a lifelong partner. I started dating David shortly thereafter and realized that he had more than the suggested 80% of qualities that I was looking for in a mate. We got engaged 8 months later.
Profile Image for Jennifer.
19 reviews28 followers
November 25, 2008
Yes, I have this book. And yes, it's on audio tape. Whilst taking a leisurely drive home from Maryland to New York a few months ago, I stopped off at this depressing little outlet mall in Delaware. They had one of those cheap bookshops and outside, a rack with $1 audio books. Audio books, NPR, Prairie Home Companion, I love it all while driving so I thought I'd take a look. The best thing there was this Dr. Phil book and since hey, I'm a fool when it comes to love I thought why not?

Well, after spending 3 hours listening, I'm still a fool but at least one who has had drilled into her head by a screaming Texan that I shouldn't date drunks, emotional retards, drug addicts and homeless people. Thanks Dr. Phil.

There was one part at the end though that I enjoyed, where he made you write out a list of all the attributes you would want your ideal mate to have- from the physical to the emotional. A list that goes beyond dark hair and likes kids. It has choices on there that make you really think about who you would want to be with, "someone who plans parties, goes to parties, hates parties," "adventurous, likes to stay home, never know what he will come up with next," etc etc. It may sound silly, but I thought it helped.

Author 0 books106 followers
July 22, 2009
This was an OK read. I couldn't help noticing the similarity between some of the things Dr. Phil mentioned and some of the things Dr. Barbara De Angelis mentioned in her book "Are you the one for me?" (which I highly recommend by the way) which was published in the 90's. Also, Love Smart reminded me of "Why Men Love Bitches" (published in 2002), at least in parts. The book didn't feel original; I felt like I'd read it before (and I hadn't). There's really no wonderful advice and Dr. Phil mostly focuses on the fact that women must develop their self-esteem. He makes you come up with several lists (the best part about the book) involving you and the one you dream of...etc. Also the 80/20 rule part was good.

I'd say this book is good for those who want to settle down and want to start somewhere. It's not really of benefit to anyone in a relationship.

I prefer books with more depth and insight into human nature; this was a rather "superficial" read (if you know what I mean).
Profile Image for Heba Tarek.
16 reviews10 followers
January 17, 2013
اممممم أجلت ملاحاظاتى على الكتاب حتى أنتهى منه تماما ..
قبل اى شىء .. الكتاب يصلح له عنوان ( كيف تصطادين عريسا ) وسيحقق أعلى المبيعات فى مصر والدول العربية !!

عندما قرأت العنوان اعتقدت أنه على شاكلة كتب الرجال من المريخ وكيف يفهم كل جنس الاخر بطريقة صحيحة ..لكن الواقع المرير الذى وجدته هو كيف تعمل المرأة بكل ما أوتيت من قوة لكى

تصطـــــــــــــــاد عريسا !!!

تعجبت من صدور كتاب كهذا فى دولة " متقدمة " كما يقال كالولايات المتحدة ..بل ويتم التحدث فى هذه القضية على أنها عملية استثمارية بحته .. المرأة هى رجل الاعمال الذى يعمل على ربح تجارته بشتى الوسائل والطرق

ماأجده عجيبا ايضا انه يدعو المرأة إلى عدم تغيير من نفسها أو ادعاء ماليس فيها .. بل تغيرى من نفسك لنفسك ولــــــكن كى تقدرى على اصطياد العريس

.. مالفت نظرى فى هذا الكتاب نقطتان هامتان :_

1- قضية العنوسة ليست فى مصر والدول العربية فقط ..بل فى العالم كله وفى كل العالم ينظر للعانس نظرة دونية .. مع الاختلاف فى سن النساء اللاتى يقال عنهم انهن تاخرن ف الزواج فإن كان فى مصر مثلا أواخر العشرينات ففى الغرب يكون السن أكبر من ذلك

2- مسألة الزواج مسأله مهمة تحلم بها كل أمرإة فى أى نقطة فى العالم مهما علت بها المناصب او تعرفت على مئات الرجال .. الفطرة تتحدث ياسادة

.. فى النهاية لاأعطى للكتاب أكثر من نجمتان فلم استفيد منه شيئا إلا إنى أظن لو طبق بحذافيره فستصل المرأة لهدفها وبقــوة
Profile Image for Farheen.
60 reviews17 followers
January 31, 2010
I love Dr. Phil. What I would give to have just one day to talk to him in person...
Profile Image for أخضر أخضر.
Author 88 books804 followers
March 8, 2022
في هذا الكتاب اهتم الكاتب بالنّساء اهتمامًا ملحوظًا، فهو كتاب موجّه لكلّ فتاة أرهقها الخوف من الوِحدة أو فشل العلاقات، ويشرح فيه د.فيل ماكجرو كيفية الإحساس بقيمة الذات ويوضح الأساليب والأسس الأساسية المُعتبرة في اختيار شريك الحياة، كما قد ذَكر الطّرق المناسبة للمحافظة على شعلة العلاقات وجمالها، وأدرج الإحصائيات والدراسات لبعض الأمور النفسيّة التي تخص الرجال والنساء حتى يدركوا مدى الاختلاف بينهم..
إن هذا الكتاب بالفعل غنيّ بالنصائح التي تخص الجانب العاطفي للنساء، ومن المتوقع بعد قراءته أن تكون كلّ فتاة قادرة على التفكير في قيمة مشاعرها وعواطفها
وستلجأ لتحديد إيجابياتها وسلبياتها حتى تُعالج مشكلاتها التي تواجهها وتصل إلى "الحبّ بذكاء".

يمكنكم استماع وقراءة ملخص كتاب "الحب بذكاء" وغيره من الملخصات في مجال العلاقات العاطفية على تطبيق أخضر في 15 دقيقة.
Profile Image for Alaa Civil.
51 reviews1 follower
August 26, 2017
كتاب رائع يساعد على فهم الطرف الاخر والنظر
للعلاقات بصورة اكثر كفاءة .
اجمل ما فيه كلماته التحفيزية ....
Profile Image for Fatema.
31 reviews11 followers
Read
December 27, 2016
اسم الكتاب: الحب بذكاء
الكاتب: د. فيل ماكجرو
عدد الصفحات: 298
التقييم: 4

للعازبات و من لا تجيد التعرف على رجل و للتي تريد تحسين حياتها الزوجية، هكذا بدأت الدكتور فيل بتوطئة كتابه.

في فصوله الاثني عشر يتدرج الكاتب في طرحه في تراتبية واضحة المغزى إذ يضع يده على (العقدة) كما نقول ليفكك منشأها و من ثم يسير تباعاً معكِ كمرشد ليضعكِ على الطريق المؤدي لغايتك المنشودة.

تبدأ في الفصول الأولى رحلة البحث عن الرجل المثالي و توصيف الرجل المثالي بعيون النساء، و كيف يقعن في وهم المثالية المفرطة و يصطدمن بالواقع!

يُرجع (العقدة) للمرأة و إدراكها لشخصيتها، كيف ترى نفسها و بقاؤها عانس ليس محض مصادفة، يشرح الكاتب دور النظرة للذات و تقديمها للآخرين بالتركيز على نقاط التميز، و دور ذلك في جذب الشخص المناسب.

يدعوكِ الكاتب للتفتيش عن تلك العروس الكامنة في داخلك، و كيف تشحذين ذكائك لفهم الرجل و بالتالي تتصرفين بما يتناسب و فهمه لا فهمك أنتِ.

استعرض الكاتب طرق البحث عن الشريك و منها الخروج و التعرف على الآخرين و المشاركة بالمناسبات العامة، كما أسهب في طريقة البحث و التعارف عبر الإنترنت ما لها و ما عليها.

و أخيراً تحدث الدكتور عن حالة الارتباط العاطفي و إحياء العلاقة الزوجية التي خبا وهجها مع مرور الأيام و الإعتياد، و ما ينبغي و لا ينبغي أن تفعليه في ذلك.

أبدع د. فيل في بلورة آليات ذكية لتفحص الرجل من خلال الأسئلة و المواقف و هذا بالحقيقة يعكس الجانب التحليلي في عقل الرجل، إذ يجعلكِ فعلاً تتقمصين عقل رجل عندما تبحثين عن الرجل الانسب، مما يجنبكِ الخيبات أو يقللها بمنطقية و رصانة.

أعجبتني بشدة لغة الخطاب للكاتب، و التي تنبيك عن حرص و خبرة المرشد النفسي أو الزواجي، في طرحه المتكرر لمحاذير التعارف و عنصر الأمان في ذلك.

اقتباسات:

(( إذا كان ما تبحثين عنه هو شريك حياة ملتزماً، و ذا هدف في الحياة، إذاً يجب أن تبقي على الطريق الصحيح و السريع في مجال العلاقات، و أن تتوقفي عن السير في طرق العلاقات المشوهة المبتورة التي بلا هدف و بلا معنى، و التي لا تستمر لفترة طويلة، و أن تكفي عن محاولة إقامة علاقات عشوائية، و غير ملائمة حتى لا تكوني وحيدة بلا رجل، و لا تكتفي بعلاقة رجل لا ترضين عنه تماماً، لمجرد أنه متواجد في حياتك، و هذا بديل أفضل من البقاء بمفردك)).

(( أنا و زوجتي روبين لدينا قاعدة اسمها " الدقائق الأربع" فمنذ أول دقيقة لدخولي المنزل، أتوجه إليها و ألقي التحية و نتحدث عن يومنا و كيف قضاه كل منا، تلك الدقائق الأربع مهمة جداً، و تض��ط إيقاع باقي الليلة، حاولي أن تفعلي ذلك مع زوجك، و سيحدث فرق كبير في نوعية العلاقة الزوجية)).
Profile Image for Hind Abu Shkhadim.
22 reviews1 follower
June 4, 2020
كتاب جيد يخلق وعي لدى القارئ بخياراته في للحياه وفي ش��يك الحياة
Profile Image for Talia.
254 reviews1 follower
March 13, 2012
I went to the library to get “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus” on the recommendation of a friend. However, it was gone. This book was next to the empty spot. I’ve never seen Dr. Phil on TV or read any of his books, so I thought, “hey, why not?”

Overall, the book was pretty good. I liked how he stressed that you have to be happy with yourself and realize that you don’t have to have a partner to complete you. I think too many women don’t recognize this. They feel incomplete without a husband or children. If you don’t like who you are, how can you expect someone else to like you? This was a common theme throughout the book, and I’m glad that’s the message he’s conveying.

The insight into how guys think was interesting. I’m not sure that I’d read any of his other books, but this one wasn’t too bad.

Profile Image for Maraya.
Author 5 books4 followers
November 30, 2015
I've gotta say - I do like Dr. Phil but I didn't think much of this book. Maybe I'm just too old and jaded and have read enough relationship books to recognize when one is surprisingly good - or not. It was OK. It was basic.

The cover would have you believe the book was written for 'people' when in fact it's specifically directed at women (of course), and young ones at that.

It contains a lot of good, entry level, information on how to attract the right man, "bag 'em and tag 'em and take him home". Or, 'fix' the one you already have. I didn't really like the impression of men that came across in this book. Again, Dr. Phil is siding with the female reader - because that's the market.

If this book helps even one woman find happiness and love (and the man she's with too!)- then that makes me happy and the writing and reading of the book was worth it.
Profile Image for Chriss.
Author 1 book15 followers
May 2, 2008
Of course everytime I watch Dr. Phil or read one of his books, everything looks so easy. The book does have some very valid points, good suggestions and seems to make a whole lot of sense when looking at the big picture. It's just putting it all together that is difficult. Of course that is why we are reading it in the first place. It's not as simple as going to the local coffee shop, meeting the guy and finding out he's great and living out our happy little lives. Sometimes we don't meet the guy and we keep searching and sometimes find the wrong one in the wrong place. The book doesn't really address that part. So in a simplified way, the book is good but in a real life existence, it's hard to pen your every move in order to find Mr. Right. So keep reading but keep living, too!
Profile Image for فنافن.
300 reviews70 followers
February 1, 2014
حسنًا..
من المدهش أنني وصلت إلى هذا الكتاب الظريف عن طريق إحدى الروايات التي أكرهها :)
أعترف أني بدأت بالقراءة كما يلي:
استعرضت فهرس الموضوعات.. وقررت أي الفصول التي سأتجاوزها دون قراءة لأن موضوعاتها لا تعنيني.. ثم شرعت في قراءة المقدمة لآخُذ فكرة عن أسلوب الكاتب الذي أقرأ له ولأول مرة.. وأعترف أني سُحِرت تمامًا بأسلوبه الفكاهي.. ولم أكد أنتبه لنفسي إلا وقد انتصفت في الكتاب!
قطعًا لم يكن محتوى فصوله الأولى يناسب بيئاتنا الإسلامية، لكني قرأتها سطرا سطرا بحثا عن تلك الجمل الاعتراضية المضحكة والاستعارات الفظيعة التي تجعلني أحاول كتم قهقهاتي -عبثا-.

ما خرجت منه بفائدة لا يتجاوز الصفحة ونصف على الأكثر.. لكني استمتعت كثيرا بالأسلوب وأنتقد وبشدة فكرة الكتاب التي يسوّق لها منذ البداية.
2 reviews2 followers
October 31, 2007
this doesn't speak to everyday women, women that have it together but still wants to find love...this book is for those that doesn't know how to take care of themselves- that needs the hand holding to get out of bed and take a shower, put on a little gloss and self worth. Dr. Phil is preying on the fat, the ugly, and the low-esteemed people in America. I know- I sound cruel and insensitive- but those are my thoughts.
Profile Image for Kathrynn.
1,181 reviews
February 2, 2013
I enjoyed this well written book. Felt it was nicely laid out and enjoyed Dr. Phil's humor, analogies and personal stories as he relayed some insights into the male mind. He even went into the dreaded "dark zone."

This should be a MUST READ for all looking for or in a relationship, in my opinion.

There are some great questions Dr. Phil shows you how to present and read between the lines. Nicely done. Highly recommended.
31 reviews1 follower
January 19, 2008
I think he has some insightful things to say and ways to change it up if you struggle with meeting love interests. Some of his advice seemed like it would be unrealistic for many people and I often felt he was writing to us as if we were stupid. If you can get past his "tough love" tone and need a new perspective on dating, I would recommend this one.
Profile Image for Nicole Denoncourt.
10 reviews2 followers
March 13, 2008
Thanks Mom for giving me this book on Valentines day when I was single! Looks like the reading might have helped me out though.....interesting read just because I am in love with psychology and the human mind/manners. Although I am not sure I would highly recommend it but I do feel it is enlightening...
75 reviews7 followers
March 31, 2009
'Love Smart' is down-to-earth and helpful. McGraw advises women how to develop and strengthen their niches (maneater, girl next door, etc.,) and gives insight on how men think and feel. He also teaches readers how to increase their self-esteem, be excellent conversationalists and provides insight on what to look for when meeting potential suitors.
12 reviews4 followers
May 21, 2009
If you want to get married and are ready for that next step in your life, this is the book that will take you there. Dr Phil assists you with redefining realistic goals for the right type of man when searching for the one to marry. He helps to prepare you if you for real life and what a marriage should be. I read this book and met and married my husband within a year and a half!
Profile Image for Alona Perlin.
Author 10 books4 followers
January 13, 2015
I enjoyed this book by Dr. Phil. It was engaging, clever and funny. However, I do wonder about some of the techniques he mentioned that do not sound right to me. (Read the book for details... No spoiler alerts); I read it pretty quickly and it was a page-turner. I felt like Dr. Phil was talking to me and wading me through the sometimes confusing and muddy world of relationships!
45 reviews3 followers
March 18, 2007
I was given this book as a gift-not my usual reading material-but very practical. Some excellent suggestions on how to maintain a healthy relationship, or how to begin a relationship on the right foot.
April 13, 2008
Well written, but a LAME, LAME, book. When I say lame, I mean, who in the world would ever take this advice? It was basically a book written about how women should behave for men. I kept on reading it because I couldn't believe how ludicrous it was!
33 reviews1 follower
August 18, 2008
Gooed ideas for looking at a relationship from a man's point of view. It's one of those books that you need to reread in order to get all the info out of it; it's too much to absorb the first time around.
Profile Image for Katie.
318 reviews68 followers
June 10, 2009
I lied. I didn't read this whole book, but I skipped over to the parts I felt I would benefit from. Love Smart was more of a "don't forget to do this" type of book, than it was a learning process for me.

I am not in the right place in my life to read this book. My mistake.
Profile Image for James Preston.
30 reviews
May 23, 2010
This is obviously a self help book. So as far as entertaining, it wasn't. But there was a lot of good stuff in it. I think it would be very helpful for a lot of people, just not me. But I think I would recommend it if you're struggling with your marriage or something.
Profile Image for RouGy Almudhahka.
16 reviews2 followers
January 23, 2015
قرات النسخه المترجمة للعربية.
كتاب رااائع ، وقد اعيد قرائته في وقت ما!
الحب في قلوبنا سر السعادة والصفاء ، هو صادق و جميل لانه ينبع من ارواحنا التى لاتعرف سواه... الحب فطرة خلقنا الله عليها، تجمل عالمنا وتصفى به الوان الحياة كلها...
الحب لخالقك ، لوالديك ، لذاتك الجميلة ، لكل من حولك وما حولك ..
Profile Image for Lealexsyl.
11 reviews
March 24, 2016
After reading this, you're going to love smart. well, I hope you are, :)

Dr. Phil's book makes you realize the difference between realistic and idealistic goal in a relationship, Go for 80% because 100% is impossible. :D
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