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How To Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results
The Godmother of Silicon Valley, legendary teacher, and mother of a Super Family shares her tried-and-tested methods for raising happy, healthy, successful children using Trust, Respect, Independence, Curiosity, and Kindness: TRICK.
Esther Wojcicki—“Woj” to her many friends and admirers—is famous for three things: teaching a high school class that has changed the lives of thousands of kids, inspiring Silicon Valley legends like Steve Jobs, and raising three daughters who have each become famously successful. What do these three accomplishments have in common? They’re the result of TRICK, Woj’s secret to raising successful people: Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness. Simple lessons, but the results are radical.
Wojcicki’s methods are the opposite of helicopter parenting. As we face an epidemic of parental anxiety, Woj is here to say: relax. Talk to infants as if they are adults. Allow teenagers to pick projects that relate to the real world and their own passions, and let them figure out how to complete them. Above all, let your child lead. How to Raise Successful People offers essential lessons for raising, educating, and managing people to their highest potential. Change your parenting, change the world.
Esther Wojcicki—“Woj” to her many friends and admirers—is famous for three things: teaching a high school class that has changed the lives of thousands of kids, inspiring Silicon Valley legends like Steve Jobs, and raising three daughters who have each become famously successful. What do these three accomplishments have in common? They’re the result of TRICK, Woj’s secret to raising successful people: Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness. Simple lessons, but the results are radical.
Wojcicki’s methods are the opposite of helicopter parenting. As we face an epidemic of parental anxiety, Woj is here to say: relax. Talk to infants as if they are adults. Allow teenagers to pick projects that relate to the real world and their own passions, and let them figure out how to complete them. Above all, let your child lead. How to Raise Successful People offers essential lessons for raising, educating, and managing people to their highest potential. Change your parenting, change the world.
336 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2019
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 332 reviews
May 24, 2019
Wojcicki's basic concept is great. She advocates for the importance of teaching children about trust, respect, independence, collaboration and kindness, and explains how she did so with her own children and her students. Though the concept is important, I found the personal stories she told to support her ideas came across more as bragging. She has good reason to brag - she has raised three very successful kids and is clearly doing something right as a parent and teacher. However, I had trouble getting past this tone and it took away from my enjoyment of the book. She also does a lot of name-dropping of famous students she taught and famous connections her daughters have made through their work. I realize that the success of her daughters and students is why she and others feel she is qualified to write a parenting book in the first place. But, to me it was less of a parenting guide, and more of a celebration of her successes as a parent and teacher.
July 16, 2019
Esther Wojcicki seems like a nice enough lady, and she should rightly be proud of her three daughters' success, but this was a slog from beginning to end.
First, I'm not sure why she chose TRICK as her acronym. The word carries such negative connotations (turn a trick, play a trick) that it casts a pall over what is an approach to positive parenting. Furthermore, the values (trust, respect, independence, collaboration, kindness) are the vague ones of seemingly all corporations and for-profit enterprises.
My second issue is the sheer number of anecdotes where Wojcicki toots her own horn. The bragging is endless and, in certain respects, unwarranted because a discussion of the affluence (the average income is around $150,000) and education level of the Palo Alto community where she raised her children is noticeably absent. When you and almost everyone around you start on third base (George Dantzig—he invented the simplex algorithm—is the Wojcickis’ neighbor), is it that hard to raise successful people? She also name-drops constantly (I hope you enjoy hearing about James Franco), and it often feels like I've gotten stuck next to THAT MOTHER at a dinner party.
Lastly, Wojcicki teaches journalism, but this is not a good example of conventional practices. Virtually all her sentences could be tighter, and she takes an inconsistent approach to punctuation. She also needs to do some fact-checking because, at one point, she tells a story about leaving her high-school-aged kids alone for a weekend in 1994—when they would have been in their twenties.
This being said, there's nothing harmful in here, and in fact, I agree with her overall theories, just not how she presented the material.
First, I'm not sure why she chose TRICK as her acronym. The word carries such negative connotations (turn a trick, play a trick) that it casts a pall over what is an approach to positive parenting. Furthermore, the values (trust, respect, independence, collaboration, kindness) are the vague ones of seemingly all corporations and for-profit enterprises.
My second issue is the sheer number of anecdotes where Wojcicki toots her own horn. The bragging is endless and, in certain respects, unwarranted because a discussion of the affluence (the average income is around $150,000) and education level of the Palo Alto community where she raised her children is noticeably absent. When you and almost everyone around you start on third base (George Dantzig—he invented the simplex algorithm—is the Wojcickis’ neighbor), is it that hard to raise successful people? She also name-drops constantly (I hope you enjoy hearing about James Franco), and it often feels like I've gotten stuck next to THAT MOTHER at a dinner party.
Lastly, Wojcicki teaches journalism, but this is not a good example of conventional practices. Virtually all her sentences could be tighter, and she takes an inconsistent approach to punctuation. She also needs to do some fact-checking because, at one point, she tells a story about leaving her high-school-aged kids alone for a weekend in 1994—when they would have been in their twenties.
This being said, there's nothing harmful in here, and in fact, I agree with her overall theories, just not how she presented the material.
April 26, 2019
I read this book in one sitting. I will start by saying that I am not a fan of parenting books in general. I find that they are either written by people who aren't parents or people who tell you there's one right way. Neither of which works for me. I have a teenager who rolls his eyes each time he sees me look at a parenting book and tells me that they are not worth it.
Alas, I picked up this book anyway because I am always open to learning, growing and trying to do better. There's much in this book about how we get in the way of our kids' lives because of who we are.
"The first thing every parent should do, then, is reflect on their experiences. It sounds simple, but we often fail to do it."
and how many parents are making choices or taking action from their own insecurities, doubts, anxieties, etc. So their kid approves, needs, etc. them. It's about letting the kids lead, letting them take detours if need be and being there and knowing that they will be ok. It's about honoring and respecting who your kids already are. It's about not letting your own definition of success/your goals/your ambitions get in the way of your kid's life.
"The lesson in all of this: Children will listen to you - they want your approval and love - but if they want to be happy, they're going to have to listen to themselves."
It's about respecting your kids so they can respect themselves, so they can take risks and become independent. It's about giving them independence, choice, responsibility and trust at a young age and continuing it all throughout.
The author recommends a system she calls TRICK ( Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration and Kindness). Both giving it to the kids and modeling it yourself.
As with all such books, I don't agree with every single word the author says. There are parts where I thought she was too opinionated, too judgmental, or too preachy. Parts where it sounded like patting oneself in the back. But there is so much gold in this book that I didn't care at all. At its core, this was a fantastic book and her message resonated deeply with me. It is one I will work hard to remember as I continue to raise my kids.
Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
Alas, I picked up this book anyway because I am always open to learning, growing and trying to do better. There's much in this book about how we get in the way of our kids' lives because of who we are.
"The first thing every parent should do, then, is reflect on their experiences. It sounds simple, but we often fail to do it."
and how many parents are making choices or taking action from their own insecurities, doubts, anxieties, etc. So their kid approves, needs, etc. them. It's about letting the kids lead, letting them take detours if need be and being there and knowing that they will be ok. It's about honoring and respecting who your kids already are. It's about not letting your own definition of success/your goals/your ambitions get in the way of your kid's life.
"The lesson in all of this: Children will listen to you - they want your approval and love - but if they want to be happy, they're going to have to listen to themselves."
It's about respecting your kids so they can respect themselves, so they can take risks and become independent. It's about giving them independence, choice, responsibility and trust at a young age and continuing it all throughout.
The author recommends a system she calls TRICK ( Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration and Kindness). Both giving it to the kids and modeling it yourself.
As with all such books, I don't agree with every single word the author says. There are parts where I thought she was too opinionated, too judgmental, or too preachy. Parts where it sounded like patting oneself in the back. But there is so much gold in this book that I didn't care at all. At its core, this was a fantastic book and her message resonated deeply with me. It is one I will work hard to remember as I continue to raise my kids.
Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
April 24, 2020
I felt like this book by Esther Wojcicki ran the gamut of the good, the bad, and the ugly.
First, the good: There is some valuable advice in these pages, and I particularly appreciated the focus on parents working through their own trauma and the chapter on trusting your kids.
The bad: As noted by other reviewers, Wojcicki's tales of her children and her students often come across as bragging. The points she's making are valid. This is an issue not so much of the what as the way. I also didn't appreciate how she enlisted her students in fooling school administration when the principal didn't like her teaching methods. Asking them to participate in deceit seems to send a crummy message, in my opinion, and it's one of the opportunities that she used to brag about herself, not just her kids.
The ugly: Around 200 pages in, Wojcicki shares her thoughts on divorce and that whole section is insulting and offensive and wrong. Admittedly, I am divorced, but truly don't believe that my decision to pursue love and happiness is modeling for my child "how to live an angry life," as Wojcicki describes it. Her judgment is unnecessary and unhelpful. That section could have been eliminated without an issue and I'm surprised an editor didn't step in and say so.
I confess that I couldn't read the next section on kindness after feeling that she had shared what I felt were many unkind words the pages prior.
First, the good: There is some valuable advice in these pages, and I particularly appreciated the focus on parents working through their own trauma and the chapter on trusting your kids.
The bad: As noted by other reviewers, Wojcicki's tales of her children and her students often come across as bragging. The points she's making are valid. This is an issue not so much of the what as the way. I also didn't appreciate how she enlisted her students in fooling school administration when the principal didn't like her teaching methods. Asking them to participate in deceit seems to send a crummy message, in my opinion, and it's one of the opportunities that she used to brag about herself, not just her kids.
The ugly: Around 200 pages in, Wojcicki shares her thoughts on divorce and that whole section is insulting and offensive and wrong. Admittedly, I am divorced, but truly don't believe that my decision to pursue love and happiness is modeling for my child "how to live an angry life," as Wojcicki describes it. Her judgment is unnecessary and unhelpful. That section could have been eliminated without an issue and I'm surprised an editor didn't step in and say so.
I confess that I couldn't read the next section on kindness after feeling that she had shared what I felt were many unkind words the pages prior.
June 27, 2019
This one is tough to review. It’s an interesting book with lots of individual parts that succeed, but I’m not sure it works as a whole. As a parenting book, it is a bit frustrating. Obviously there isn’t a “silver bullet” method for raising “successful” kids and it’s unrealistic to expect any magic answers to common parenting challenges, but I was hoping for something a little more well-defined than what Wojcicki offers. That said, I like her TRICK concept and their are some very good (and interesting) anecdotes here to learn from.
In the end, though, I am left wondering if Wojcicki’s place in the very privileged and unique “bubble” environment of Silicon Valley leaves her with some pretty major blind spots as it relates to families in less wealthy communities. While she certainly did not have a privileged upbringing, her decades ensconced in an elite, tech-centric community may have left her with an unrealistic idea of what schools, bureaucracies and child-rearing are like in more “ordinary” places.
In the end, though, I am left wondering if Wojcicki’s place in the very privileged and unique “bubble” environment of Silicon Valley leaves her with some pretty major blind spots as it relates to families in less wealthy communities. While she certainly did not have a privileged upbringing, her decades ensconced in an elite, tech-centric community may have left her with an unrealistic idea of what schools, bureaucracies and child-rearing are like in more “ordinary” places.
July 7, 2019
This book had suggestions and science-backed tactics to help build strong, independent, and kind individuals. Woj doesn't cite everything in the book as it's mentioned but there is an appendix and that makes it super easy to read without feeling lost or that you need a child development degree or more.
Trust, Responsibility, Independence, Collaboration, Kindness. These are highly categories that scratch the surface of basic human needs. I love that it offers a collaborative approach to raising kids in a way that builds them up to define success for themselves, trust in themselves, take risks, and care for humanity.
Something that rubbed me the wrong way - that speaks more about me than the author - was the name dropping. Steve Jobs, Facebook, Inventors of Google, James Franco, and so many more. It's great when you're in Palo Alto, in Silicon Valley and your schools have the resources and such. But it isn't completely practical for people of color, or people in low income areas. Woj addresses that briefly and in a way that's great because she doesn't try to speak from a position she isn't familiar with.
This doesn't mean Woj didn't experience her own struggles and I think that is why ALL parents should read How to Raise Successful People. She speaks of her experience, of being immigrants, poor, struggling, inheriting trauma, and how that transfers and translates as the generations pass. Even people of privilege have a history of struggle and trauma. In this way we are all more alike and connected then we may have previously thought.
I don't have the means or access Woj does. But I know what I can do to prepare my children for the world and set them up to hopefully have the access, resources, and heart to do better for others and their kin. Read this, share this, build your village, and celebrate parenting.
Also, vote. Please educate yourself and vote.
Trust, Responsibility, Independence, Collaboration, Kindness. These are highly categories that scratch the surface of basic human needs. I love that it offers a collaborative approach to raising kids in a way that builds them up to define success for themselves, trust in themselves, take risks, and care for humanity.
Something that rubbed me the wrong way - that speaks more about me than the author - was the name dropping. Steve Jobs, Facebook, Inventors of Google, James Franco, and so many more. It's great when you're in Palo Alto, in Silicon Valley and your schools have the resources and such. But it isn't completely practical for people of color, or people in low income areas. Woj addresses that briefly and in a way that's great because she doesn't try to speak from a position she isn't familiar with.
This doesn't mean Woj didn't experience her own struggles and I think that is why ALL parents should read How to Raise Successful People. She speaks of her experience, of being immigrants, poor, struggling, inheriting trauma, and how that transfers and translates as the generations pass. Even people of privilege have a history of struggle and trauma. In this way we are all more alike and connected then we may have previously thought.
I don't have the means or access Woj does. But I know what I can do to prepare my children for the world and set them up to hopefully have the access, resources, and heart to do better for others and their kin. Read this, share this, build your village, and celebrate parenting.
Also, vote. Please educate yourself and vote.
November 12, 2019
"Gerumas padeda pasiekti kur kas daugiau nei galimybė studijuoti koledže ir gauti gerą darbą. Kai dalijamės gerumu, mus supantys žmonės jaučiasi laimingi, be to, ir patys taip jaučiamės. Už visų gerų poelgių slypi šioks toks savanaudiškumas: įgyjame santarvės ir prasmės pojūtį, kurio niekur nenusipirksi. Visi turime skintis kelią per gyvenimą, tad kodėl nepasistengus, kad ta kelionė būtų mielesnė aplinkiniams, juolab, kad visi esame susiję?"
Svarbi knyga tėvams, mokytojams, ir net neturintiems vaikų. Jei reiktų trumpai apibūdinti, apie ką knyga, tai sakyčiau, kad apie tai, kaip vadovaujantis tam tikru požiūriu, ar taisyklėmis, sėkmingai pasiekti savo tikslus, gyventi su prasme ir būti gerais žmonėmis. Skamba kažkaip labai self-helpiškai, bet Esther Wojcicki rašo tikrai nuoširdžiai, dalinasi pavyzdžiais iš darbo mokykloje su vaikais, taip pat pasakoja, kaip augino savo dukras, kokiais principais vadovavosi ir, kas iš to išėjo. Gal ir neįtikinau, man tas nesiseka, bet aš tokią knygą dovanočiau kitam žmogui drąsiai.
Svarbi knyga tėvams, mokytojams, ir net neturintiems vaikų. Jei reiktų trumpai apibūdinti, apie ką knyga, tai sakyčiau, kad apie tai, kaip vadovaujantis tam tikru požiūriu, ar taisyklėmis, sėkmingai pasiekti savo tikslus, gyventi su prasme ir būti gerais žmonėmis. Skamba kažkaip labai self-helpiškai, bet Esther Wojcicki rašo tikrai nuoširdžiai, dalinasi pavyzdžiais iš darbo mokykloje su vaikais, taip pat pasakoja, kaip augino savo dukras, kokiais principais vadovavosi ir, kas iš to išėjo. Gal ir neįtikinau, man tas nesiseka, bet aš tokią knygą dovanočiau kitam žmogui drąsiai.
August 2, 2019
At the bottom line, the message of Esther Wojcicki's book is actually pretty good. The problem is that this takes up about a quarter of the book; the last three quarters are filled with self-indulgence and bragging. I found it very annoying. Small stories of the form "this person such and such had a big problem that nobody could figure out. Then I met that person and could see right away that the solution was such and such. I have always been like this and have raised my three daughters like this, who are by the way CEO's and professors". If you can filter out all the praise and patting on the back, then there is definitely something worth reading here.
July 23, 2019
It wasn’t terrible, and I got most of the way through, but the incessant name dropping and self-aggrandizing was too much for me to take. Some good tricks (ha) for both parenting and teaching, though, but not a book’s worth.
January 16, 2020
I really thought I would love this book but it is full of bragging and name dropping. Not really what I was expecting at all.
July 13, 2019
Overall I liked the content in this book and will use many of the strategies with my own children. I gave the book a 3, not because of the content, but because of how it is written.
The book started out strong and has a lot of really good ideas but it really struggles with its identity and audience. I think Wojcicki should have written two separate books; "How to Raise Successful People" and "How to Teach Successful People". Early on, most of the examples/stories that she relayed in the book were parent stories, but the quickly transitioned almost exclusively into teacher stories. As a teacher, this worked for me mostly - because I wasn't reading as a teacher but as a parent - but for most parents, each teaching story would miss the mark.
Since the book is really billed as a parenting book, as a teacher, it would also be hard for me to recommend this book to other teachers. Though the content is good and would lead to some good discussions, it feels, especially at the beginning, like a book for parents not a book for teachers.
Outside of that, I had a few additional issues. At the beginning, Wojcicki talks about the research backing up her parenting ideas. She occasionally shares some of this research but it feels light in that area. If these ideas really are backed up by research, be more explicit with sharing that research. Also, there were two occasions in the book where she says she disagrees with the research. The first time it is almost excusable because she does talk about research on the other side as well but to just ignore the research without identifying some reasons why doesn't work for me. The second time she says she disagrees with research, she gives no alternative research, no reasons, just a statement that the research must be wrong.
Another issue was in her discussion of divorce. She talks about research that says it is healthiest for children if couples to stay together in a marriage unless there is physical violence involved. Then she immediately says it doesn't always work out and gives her own daughter's divorce as an example. This feels both awkward and cheap. She just said it is better to stay together, then gives her daughter as a counterexample that maybe divorce is necessary sometimes, undermining her entire premise up to this point. I am not sure how she could have relayed this story differently because you can't write a parenting book then throw your own kid under the bus, but you also can't bring up your daughter's story and give her a free pass. If you share her story doesn't she need to be called out? I wouldn't know how to write this part which is why I question this story's inclusion because it undermines the whole section and makes me cringe while reading it.
The book started out strong and has a lot of really good ideas but it really struggles with its identity and audience. I think Wojcicki should have written two separate books; "How to Raise Successful People" and "How to Teach Successful People". Early on, most of the examples/stories that she relayed in the book were parent stories, but the quickly transitioned almost exclusively into teacher stories. As a teacher, this worked for me mostly - because I wasn't reading as a teacher but as a parent - but for most parents, each teaching story would miss the mark.
Since the book is really billed as a parenting book, as a teacher, it would also be hard for me to recommend this book to other teachers. Though the content is good and would lead to some good discussions, it feels, especially at the beginning, like a book for parents not a book for teachers.
Outside of that, I had a few additional issues. At the beginning, Wojcicki talks about the research backing up her parenting ideas. She occasionally shares some of this research but it feels light in that area. If these ideas really are backed up by research, be more explicit with sharing that research. Also, there were two occasions in the book where she says she disagrees with the research. The first time it is almost excusable because she does talk about research on the other side as well but to just ignore the research without identifying some reasons why doesn't work for me. The second time she says she disagrees with research, she gives no alternative research, no reasons, just a statement that the research must be wrong.
Another issue was in her discussion of divorce. She talks about research that says it is healthiest for children if couples to stay together in a marriage unless there is physical violence involved. Then she immediately says it doesn't always work out and gives her own daughter's divorce as an example. This feels both awkward and cheap. She just said it is better to stay together, then gives her daughter as a counterexample that maybe divorce is necessary sometimes, undermining her entire premise up to this point. I am not sure how she could have relayed this story differently because you can't write a parenting book then throw your own kid under the bus, but you also can't bring up your daughter's story and give her a free pass. If you share her story doesn't she need to be called out? I wouldn't know how to write this part which is why I question this story's inclusion because it undermines the whole section and makes me cringe while reading it.
November 6, 2020
If your three daughters are Silicon Valley ceos and a doctor, then you must have done something right. Esther Wojcicki shares her views on parenting and educating (she's also a high school teacher) in this highly readable book.
She doesn't have me completely convinced, however. Her methods seem sound, promoting trust, respect, independence, collaboration and kindness (or TRICK, because you can't be a guru if you don't have a name for your method). I think everyone will agree that these are important core values, and most parents strive to instill them in their kids. And Wojcicki gives some good examples on how she attempted to do that.
But I had some trouble with the underlying message. Wojcicki keeps repeating that kids these days are under too much pressure to succeed academically, burdened with tutors and extracurricular activities. Yet when her own daughters struggled with physics, a tutor was hired immediately (they got to choose themselves if they would be taught by a tutor or by their dad, which supposedly makes it better).
She argues kids are depressed because of this pressure to succeed, yet the book's very reason for existence is the success of her daughters. Although she lectures other parents that kindness is more important, throughout the book she keeps giving examples of kids in her class who rose to great success because of her program, or at least rose to a status above that of their family. No examples are given of students who became teachers, social workers, or small shop owners. Only the great successes count. And I think it is this cult of success, the idea that you only count if you do something exceptional, that is making kids depressed, not the garden variety pressure of parents wanting you to get at least a B.
The book exudes the Palo Alto attitude, promoting kindness but mainly if you become a billionaire in the process, praising a daughter who makes lemonade from a neighbour's lemons and then charging that neighbour for it.
Wojcicki also completely surpasses the role of genetics; if your father is a physics professor and your mother is also smart, that might be a bigger part of your success than the fact that you were allowed to bike to school alone at an early age.
I think her ideas are very valuable and parents and teachers can definitely find some inspiration in this book. But I'm somewhat sceptical towards her notion of what a good life looks like.
She doesn't have me completely convinced, however. Her methods seem sound, promoting trust, respect, independence, collaboration and kindness (or TRICK, because you can't be a guru if you don't have a name for your method). I think everyone will agree that these are important core values, and most parents strive to instill them in their kids. And Wojcicki gives some good examples on how she attempted to do that.
But I had some trouble with the underlying message. Wojcicki keeps repeating that kids these days are under too much pressure to succeed academically, burdened with tutors and extracurricular activities. Yet when her own daughters struggled with physics, a tutor was hired immediately (they got to choose themselves if they would be taught by a tutor or by their dad, which supposedly makes it better).
She argues kids are depressed because of this pressure to succeed, yet the book's very reason for existence is the success of her daughters. Although she lectures other parents that kindness is more important, throughout the book she keeps giving examples of kids in her class who rose to great success because of her program, or at least rose to a status above that of their family. No examples are given of students who became teachers, social workers, or small shop owners. Only the great successes count. And I think it is this cult of success, the idea that you only count if you do something exceptional, that is making kids depressed, not the garden variety pressure of parents wanting you to get at least a B.
The book exudes the Palo Alto attitude, promoting kindness but mainly if you become a billionaire in the process, praising a daughter who makes lemonade from a neighbour's lemons and then charging that neighbour for it.
Wojcicki also completely surpasses the role of genetics; if your father is a physics professor and your mother is also smart, that might be a bigger part of your success than the fact that you were allowed to bike to school alone at an early age.
I think her ideas are very valuable and parents and teachers can definitely find some inspiration in this book. But I'm somewhat sceptical towards her notion of what a good life looks like.
April 18, 2019
This book is full of helpful, accessible, practical advice. The author's TRICK (Trust, Respect, Independence, Curiosity, and Kindness) method is great. The very long personal introduction from the author felt unnecessary as did the many personal anecdotes, which is why I dropped my review to 3 stars.
I received an ARC from NetGalley.
I received an ARC from NetGalley.
April 3, 2021
Knyga apie autorės ilgametę mamos, močiutės ir pedagogės patirtį, išmoktas pamokas ir sukurtą ugdymo sistemą (TRICK). Viskas būtų gerai, jei ne savipagalbos formatas ir autorės protarpinis gyrimasis. Papasakotos istorijos įdomios, yra gerų įžvalgų, bet pasirinkta forma nuvylė, tad 3.
March 28, 2022
This is a curious parenting book. I'm not sure why anyone particularly cares what Esther Wojcicki has to say about parenting. From what I can tell her claim to fame is that she has three successful daughters. I guess the idea is that she'll be able to tell us what child-raising techniques she used to turn her daughters into successes?
This is a hard book to like. She has her framework: TRICK (Trust, Respect, Independence, Curiosity, and Kindness). But of course her daughters are all in theirs 30s and there's no real evidence that she used this framework to raise her daughters. It's not even that I especially disagree with the framework. Just, again, curious that publishers are trying to sell a book based on how she allegedly parented 30 years ago.
Other reviews unearth a laundry list of problems and I agree with most of them. It starts with an extraordinarily long and pointless biography of her entire life. She often sounds like she's name dropping and bragging. She seems unaware of her privilege and how that, instead of her TRICK framework, might have had something to do with her daughters' successes. She raised them in a town where the average income is $150,000 a year; she surrounded them with lots of famous people; she hired a private tutor when they struggled with math; etc.
Even if this doesn't bother you, or you try to look past it to find the actual advice ... it all feels a bit underwhelming. Again, the actual ideas in the TRICK framework seem fine to me but...it all felt a bit "been there, done that". The first chapter on Trust is basically a rehash of Lenore Skenazi's Free-Range Kids. Other chapters often have that same echo of "I feel like I've heard this all somewhere else before".
The end result is that finding the actual new, unique insights in this book is just way too much work. If I didn't find the writing style so grating I probably would have given this 2-stars but I couldn't look past it.
This is a hard book to like. She has her framework: TRICK (Trust, Respect, Independence, Curiosity, and Kindness). But of course her daughters are all in theirs 30s and there's no real evidence that she used this framework to raise her daughters. It's not even that I especially disagree with the framework. Just, again, curious that publishers are trying to sell a book based on how she allegedly parented 30 years ago.
Other reviews unearth a laundry list of problems and I agree with most of them. It starts with an extraordinarily long and pointless biography of her entire life. She often sounds like she's name dropping and bragging. She seems unaware of her privilege and how that, instead of her TRICK framework, might have had something to do with her daughters' successes. She raised them in a town where the average income is $150,000 a year; she surrounded them with lots of famous people; she hired a private tutor when they struggled with math; etc.
Even if this doesn't bother you, or you try to look past it to find the actual advice ... it all feels a bit underwhelming. Again, the actual ideas in the TRICK framework seem fine to me but...it all felt a bit "been there, done that". The first chapter on Trust is basically a rehash of Lenore Skenazi's Free-Range Kids. Other chapters often have that same echo of "I feel like I've heard this all somewhere else before".
The end result is that finding the actual new, unique insights in this book is just way too much work. If I didn't find the writing style so grating I probably would have given this 2-stars but I couldn't look past it.
May 25, 2019
Interesting but flawed.
Wojciki puts together a framework for child raising which is almost diametrically opposed to the “Tiger Mother” approach. It’s an interesting take (particularly the emphasis on kindness), but the tone is maddening. Wojciki is the mother of three incredibly successful women, and a celebrated educator and speaker in her own right, and boy does she let you know it. There’s a heavy strand of smug self-congratulation which runs all the way through this: “… and who knew that I’d figured out how to do exactly the right thing…”
Would be a four star book if it wasn’t so self-focused, but interesting for the ideas if not the execution.
Wojciki puts together a framework for child raising which is almost diametrically opposed to the “Tiger Mother” approach. It’s an interesting take (particularly the emphasis on kindness), but the tone is maddening. Wojciki is the mother of three incredibly successful women, and a celebrated educator and speaker in her own right, and boy does she let you know it. There’s a heavy strand of smug self-congratulation which runs all the way through this: “… and who knew that I’d figured out how to do exactly the right thing…”
Would be a four star book if it wasn’t so self-focused, but interesting for the ideas if not the execution.
December 3, 2019
Beautiful book on installing TRICK (trust, respect, independence, collaboration and kindness) values into human beings. This “parenting” book doesn’t give you any cheap advice or simple lessons and that’s why I appreciated this book, because raising a successful human means demonstrating an example and living up to TRICK values yourself aaaaalll life long!
August 2, 2020
Good points, good principles and ... so what?
Acknowledging these principles is just about 10% of the success - it's the execution that is a truly challenging part. Each child is different, has different personality traits, falls more or less to different tendencies - even the best effort may be fruitless if applied to a child that doesn't resonate with it.
A big plus for the chapter about the grit and referencing A. Duckworth. To be honest I've found her book (titled "Grit") much more useful and practical.
HtRSP is full of examples taken straight from the author's life - sadly, about 1/4th feels more like bragging without much practical value - I'm happy Esther's daughter did X, but I don't see the journey how she got to be a person that does X. I see that Esther is a proud Mum and Grandma - I'm happy for her and that she feels accomplished because of that, but the truth is that it's hard to determine how much of that was because of the upbringing, how much because of environmental factors, genetic factors, sibling correlations (e.g. competitiveness), etc. The author completely avoids that and believes that it's the TRICK that did the trick. It's a huge over-simplification.
Which in the end doesn't mean it's a bad book. It isn't. But it's quite far from practical, maybe more like the inspiring kind of a book.
3-3.5 stars
Acknowledging these principles is just about 10% of the success - it's the execution that is a truly challenging part. Each child is different, has different personality traits, falls more or less to different tendencies - even the best effort may be fruitless if applied to a child that doesn't resonate with it.
A big plus for the chapter about the grit and referencing A. Duckworth. To be honest I've found her book (titled "Grit") much more useful and practical.
HtRSP is full of examples taken straight from the author's life - sadly, about 1/4th feels more like bragging without much practical value - I'm happy Esther's daughter did X, but I don't see the journey how she got to be a person that does X. I see that Esther is a proud Mum and Grandma - I'm happy for her and that she feels accomplished because of that, but the truth is that it's hard to determine how much of that was because of the upbringing, how much because of environmental factors, genetic factors, sibling correlations (e.g. competitiveness), etc. The author completely avoids that and believes that it's the TRICK that did the trick. It's a huge over-simplification.
Which in the end doesn't mean it's a bad book. It isn't. But it's quite far from practical, maybe more like the inspiring kind of a book.
3-3.5 stars
July 6, 2023
I enjoyed listening to this book. I’m about to become a parent and I was hesitant to read any books on parenting. However, this book is principle based (Trust, respect, independence, collaboration, and kindness) and are all principles I agree with. I liked the examples she gave of how she instilled these principles in her children and students. Specifically, I took away the importance of giving children choices and encouraging their independence.
July 8, 2023
If you can get past the name-dropping and bragging, the author’s information really is extremely valuable. I enjoyed hearing about her experiences teaching, but it was the parenting stuff that really struck with me. I think every parent should read this book and practice her principles. Applies to children of all ages, from birth to teenagers. Nothing earth-shattering, but such meaningful things we can do to raise our kids right in this world and help shape them into adults who have empathy, show kindness and respect, and care about others.
July 14, 2019
I really enjoyed this book. I borrowed it, but now I think I'd like to own a copy to reread and use as a reference book. Esther Wojcicki is a spirited, grounded, honest, kind, vocal and brave person. I'm grateful to her that she spent her time and energy writing this book to share her knowledge with the world. I think her goal with writing this book was to use whatever influence she has to make our world better.
Parenting has its challenges, and every generation thinks they have it harder than the last, but what I learned (and already believed to be true) is that no matter what generational issues we are dealing with, we as parents need to lead by example for our children to follow. While reading this book, I thought of some people whom I admire as parents because of just that; they lead by example and they're very involved in our community. I'm sure that in my family, my children do indeed listen and watch every single move I make. They watch and take in every interaction I have, from answering a spam phone call to checking out at the grocery store and my conversations with friends. They watch me volunteer; what I'm doing and what is the purpose. They watch how I take care of myself and others. This book certainly heightened my attention that I am being watched!
Esther Wojciciki gives plenty of real life examples of challenges and outcomes. I like that she listens to experts and also questions what they say. She's always questioning and thinking.
Allowing kids to fail is part of the teaching learning experience. As a parent, being available for advice and guidance but let the kids do it themselves.
In the end, I was left inspired and got the message that each one of us counts and has the ability and responsibility to our community to make a positive change for the greater good. Be an inspiration and make a change.
This year I had a significant health issue, and I thought to myself, "what do I want for my kids? If there is anything I could leave them with, what would it be?" My answer was and is independence. I want them to be able to manage a house and all that comes with it. I want them to understand that learning is lifelong and it doesn't end with a diploma. I want them to understand that what they say and do does count and that they do, can and will make a difference.
This book is a great contribution to us. Again, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Parenting has its challenges, and every generation thinks they have it harder than the last, but what I learned (and already believed to be true) is that no matter what generational issues we are dealing with, we as parents need to lead by example for our children to follow. While reading this book, I thought of some people whom I admire as parents because of just that; they lead by example and they're very involved in our community. I'm sure that in my family, my children do indeed listen and watch every single move I make. They watch and take in every interaction I have, from answering a spam phone call to checking out at the grocery store and my conversations with friends. They watch me volunteer; what I'm doing and what is the purpose. They watch how I take care of myself and others. This book certainly heightened my attention that I am being watched!
Esther Wojciciki gives plenty of real life examples of challenges and outcomes. I like that she listens to experts and also questions what they say. She's always questioning and thinking.
Allowing kids to fail is part of the teaching learning experience. As a parent, being available for advice and guidance but let the kids do it themselves.
In the end, I was left inspired and got the message that each one of us counts and has the ability and responsibility to our community to make a positive change for the greater good. Be an inspiration and make a change.
This year I had a significant health issue, and I thought to myself, "what do I want for my kids? If there is anything I could leave them with, what would it be?" My answer was and is independence. I want them to be able to manage a house and all that comes with it. I want them to understand that learning is lifelong and it doesn't end with a diploma. I want them to understand that what they say and do does count and that they do, can and will make a difference.
This book is a great contribution to us. Again, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
May 7, 2019
INCREDIBLE CREDIBILITY - STEP ASIDE HELICOPTER, SNOW-PLOW AND TIGER PARENTS, MAKE WAY FOR #THEWOJWAY
Esther Wojcicki is the most credible author I have come across in terms of her real world success as 1) a noted mother who has raised three daughters (CEO of YouTube, Founder/CEO of 23andMe, UCSF researcher) who are making a big impact on the world and 2) a decorated teacher (California Teacher of the Year) who has educated thousands of high school students of diverse race and income over 37 years.
It is part memoir that reads easily as it is chock full of trajectory changing events that shaped her worldview. E.g., a family tragedy leads her to develop a healthy skepticism which she passed on to her children. It is also part parenting framework. Wojcicki shares her stories while presenting TRICK --her methodology that informs both her work as an educator and a parent.
TRICK is an acronym for Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness ー the five fundamental values that "help us all become capable, successful people." Esther is not merely sharing her journey, she has an agenda to inspire parents to exhale their fear and anxiety and rediscover basic principles for raising children who will thrive. Her many anecdotes are effective at helping aspiring parent visualize how they could follow her suggested path. Those vignettes from a lifetime as a leading educator at school and at home are what really differentiate Wojcicki's book from the pack.
The timing of her book could not be better. It was less than two months ago that the world was rocked by the college admissions scandal. Rather than owning their child's success, parents can support their children in defining and achieving their own by following her TRICK approach.
Esther Wojcicki is the most credible author I have come across in terms of her real world success as 1) a noted mother who has raised three daughters (CEO of YouTube, Founder/CEO of 23andMe, UCSF researcher) who are making a big impact on the world and 2) a decorated teacher (California Teacher of the Year) who has educated thousands of high school students of diverse race and income over 37 years.
It is part memoir that reads easily as it is chock full of trajectory changing events that shaped her worldview. E.g., a family tragedy leads her to develop a healthy skepticism which she passed on to her children. It is also part parenting framework. Wojcicki shares her stories while presenting TRICK --her methodology that informs both her work as an educator and a parent.
TRICK is an acronym for Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness ー the five fundamental values that "help us all become capable, successful people." Esther is not merely sharing her journey, she has an agenda to inspire parents to exhale their fear and anxiety and rediscover basic principles for raising children who will thrive. Her many anecdotes are effective at helping aspiring parent visualize how they could follow her suggested path. Those vignettes from a lifetime as a leading educator at school and at home are what really differentiate Wojcicki's book from the pack.
The timing of her book could not be better. It was less than two months ago that the world was rocked by the college admissions scandal. Rather than owning their child's success, parents can support their children in defining and achieving their own by following her TRICK approach.
June 20, 2019
I mostly enjoyed this book and agreed with the techniques discussed. However, I did have a few issues. She calls her philosophy TRICK, which stands for Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, and Kindness.
First, I enjoyed the introduction and the author's personal stories. I also liked her suggestion of really thinking about your own childhood and using experiences from your own childhood to more purposely parent your own children.
The Trust and Respect sections felt pretty similar to me. I didn't enjoy these sections as much, because as some other reviewers have mentioned, it felt like there was a lot of name dropping and the author patting herself on the back. It made it somewhat unrelatable. I like personal anecdotes, but it would be nice to hear more about times when she learned from mistakes a bit more.
The Independence and Collaboration sections got a bit better. There was a little more acknowledgement that sometimes punishment is necessary, which I felt was missing from the first two sections.
The Kindness section was also very good and quoted a lot of interesting studies.
Overall, a good book with good concepts that could have been great if it were edited to be more relatable and not always defining success as going to Harvard/Stanford or being a CEO.
First, I enjoyed the introduction and the author's personal stories. I also liked her suggestion of really thinking about your own childhood and using experiences from your own childhood to more purposely parent your own children.
The Trust and Respect sections felt pretty similar to me. I didn't enjoy these sections as much, because as some other reviewers have mentioned, it felt like there was a lot of name dropping and the author patting herself on the back. It made it somewhat unrelatable. I like personal anecdotes, but it would be nice to hear more about times when she learned from mistakes a bit more.
The Independence and Collaboration sections got a bit better. There was a little more acknowledgement that sometimes punishment is necessary, which I felt was missing from the first two sections.
The Kindness section was also very good and quoted a lot of interesting studies.
Overall, a good book with good concepts that could have been great if it were edited to be more relatable and not always defining success as going to Harvard/Stanford or being a CEO.
October 26, 2019
I really enjoyed this one! I am surprised by the bad reviews. Yes, it's a little long winded, but it is full of some great wisdom. The key with parenting books including this one is to find the nuggets you want to implement in your own family.
I found Esther's take on raising her daughters refreshing for the most part and I whole heatedly agree parenting is never just about children - it's about the adults and citizens they become. Letting children be within reason and encouraging them to creatively play and learn as well as be kind were my favorite nuggets from the book.
I wasn't expecting the chapter on divorce but I agree whole heartedly with it as a child of divorced parents. It's rare to hear that perspective in modern day parenting books.
Yes there were a few weird stories I didn't really agree or relate to (when one of her daughter's decided she would go to a different class in preschool and ultimately quit the school as a three year old) but I found this to be a great read.
I found Esther's take on raising her daughters refreshing for the most part and I whole heatedly agree parenting is never just about children - it's about the adults and citizens they become. Letting children be within reason and encouraging them to creatively play and learn as well as be kind were my favorite nuggets from the book.
I wasn't expecting the chapter on divorce but I agree whole heartedly with it as a child of divorced parents. It's rare to hear that perspective in modern day parenting books.
Yes there were a few weird stories I didn't really agree or relate to (when one of her daughter's decided she would go to a different class in preschool and ultimately quit the school as a three year old) but I found this to be a great read.
August 16, 2019
The more I read these parenting/teaching books, the more I like them. However, they have more or less the same ideas. This one in particular has a chapter dedicated to GRIT (Angela Duckworth's best selling book) and another good part to The Marshmallow Effect. It does have great examples and even provide with real camps to send your kid far, far, far away....
August 2, 2020
Seems very true; Mrs. Wojcicki's 'trick' system rings true. However, she repeats herself a lot, and it feels very lacking in terms of any understanding of a final destination. It feels a bit like she's also patting herself on the back a bit much for her legitimately successful practices; and her placing of companies like Google on an ethical pedestal is a bit eyebrow raising.
December 10, 2020
As a mother of small children, I hadn't really thought about these principles. I'm glad I read it when I did. Its changed many of my parenting philosophies, and it's been amazing to see just how those small things have made improvements in our relationships. An excellent insight into parenting that is worth the read.
July 6, 2019
I’m kind of at the tail end of the whole parenting job, but this book is full of good advice for use as a grandparent, mentor and even self-improvement. She does come off as a little braggy and know-it-all, but she kind of deserves to.
January 11, 2020
Of course, I thought it was great and I recommend it. I wrote it!! I hope you will find it helpful and insightful. There are lots of insightful stories in the book!
February 20, 2020
I really like this book from a highly Successful parent.
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