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Future Men: Raising Boys to Fight Giants
As much as it may distress us, our boys are future men.
When Theodore Roosevelt taught Sunday school for a time, a boy showed up one Sunday with a black eye. He admitted he had been fighting and on a Sunday too. He told the future president that a bigger boy had been pinching his sister, and so he fought him. TR told him that he had done perfectly right and gave him a dollar. The stodgy vestrymen thought this was a bit much, and so they let their exuberant Sunday school teacher go. What a loss.
Unbelief cannot look past surfaces. Unbelief squashes; faith teaches. Faith takes a boy aside and tells him that this part of what he did was good, while that other part of he did got in the way. "And this is how to do it better next time."
As we look to Scripture for patterns of masculinity for our sons, we find them manifested perfectly in the life of the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the one who set the ultimate pattern for friendship and courage, for faithfulness and integrity.
When Theodore Roosevelt taught Sunday school for a time, a boy showed up one Sunday with a black eye. He admitted he had been fighting and on a Sunday too. He told the future president that a bigger boy had been pinching his sister, and so he fought him. TR told him that he had done perfectly right and gave him a dollar. The stodgy vestrymen thought this was a bit much, and so they let their exuberant Sunday school teacher go. What a loss.
Unbelief cannot look past surfaces. Unbelief squashes; faith teaches. Faith takes a boy aside and tells him that this part of what he did was good, while that other part of he did got in the way. "And this is how to do it better next time."
As we look to Scripture for patterns of masculinity for our sons, we find them manifested perfectly in the life of the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the one who set the ultimate pattern for friendship and courage, for faithfulness and integrity.
200 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2001
About the author
Douglas Wilson
288 books4,047 followersI write in order to make the little voices in my head go away. Thus far it hasn't worked.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 293 reviews
December 4, 2013
About half way through this book I realized Doug Wilson wasn't going to provide a "how-to" for his readers on raising boys to be godly men. The examples from his own family were few and far between.
What he did provide, once I had the ears to hear, was a thoroughly biblical foundation for raising good men. The outcome was far more helpful than a book of "10 tricks for effective parenting". Once rooted in biblical principles, the Spirit can and will guide parents in the day to day discipline and discipleship of their sons. Wilson has provided a cogent and biblically faithful vision on manhood and parental responsibility.
One of the most helpful principles for me was the idea that just as Proverbs repeatedly calls sons to listen to wisdom, so too we should expect that we'll need to call our sons to listen, and to listen again. We shouldn't be discouraged as parents when we find ourselves rehearsing the same lessons again and again with our boys. This type of ongoing instruction and discipline is the way we learn, what's more, it is the way God teaches us.
What he did provide, once I had the ears to hear, was a thoroughly biblical foundation for raising good men. The outcome was far more helpful than a book of "10 tricks for effective parenting". Once rooted in biblical principles, the Spirit can and will guide parents in the day to day discipline and discipleship of their sons. Wilson has provided a cogent and biblically faithful vision on manhood and parental responsibility.
One of the most helpful principles for me was the idea that just as Proverbs repeatedly calls sons to listen to wisdom, so too we should expect that we'll need to call our sons to listen, and to listen again. We shouldn't be discouraged as parents when we find ourselves rehearsing the same lessons again and again with our boys. This type of ongoing instruction and discipline is the way we learn, what's more, it is the way God teaches us.
March 30, 2018
Só vou dizer isso: todo pai de homem deveria ler esse livro antes de educar o filho.
May 5, 2019
not my cup of tea. oh yea that would make me unmanly. While full of scriptural references this is the stuff that turns boys into zealots, lacking compassion or empathy and leading to chauvinism.
January 29, 2024
Lots of helpful advice. Great understanding of the proverbs and his application for the father to the son is very helpful. Doug’s covenantal views create some disagreement with my understanding of the Scriptures. Overall a good book.
May 22, 2013
If you are a man, are raising a man, or know a man, I cannot imagine better help to make a godly man than this book.
That said, this is not for faint-hearted, effeminate readers. There may be some gristle to spit out while enjoying big bites of meat.
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Read again May 2013. Really good. And important. We need more men to put on their pants and help their sons learn how to do the same.
That said, this is not for faint-hearted, effeminate readers. There may be some gristle to spit out while enjoying big bites of meat.
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Read again May 2013. Really good. And important. We need more men to put on their pants and help their sons learn how to do the same.
May 16, 2018
This is a very good and useful book. Loses a star (it would have lost only half a star, were that possible) for its somewhat cavalier usage of the Bible, with some minor occurrences of eixegesis, that is, taking (Biblical) texts out of context and giving it unwarranted interpretations.
Sets a high standard for raising boys. I do feel I fall short, and pray God will supply my many faults in raising my son.
Sets a high standard for raising boys. I do feel I fall short, and pray God will supply my many faults in raising my son.
November 3, 2020
Adventurous. Visionary. Patient. Careful. Hardworking. Strong. Sacrificial. Courageous. Good. Teachable. Studious. Thoughtful. Representative. Responsible. Holy. These are the adjectives we want to be able to ascribe to our sons, because they describe the kind of men we want leading our families and churches.
Rather than writing a full review, I’ll just highlight the parts I found this most insightful.
Wilson starts out this book by distinguishing true masculinity from counterfeit masculinity—a much needed clarification in today’s culture, which can’t understand masculinity as being anything other than “toxic.” “True masculinity,” DW writes, “accepts responsibility, period, while false masculinity will try to accept responsibility only for success.” While counterfeit masculinity “excels at making excuses” because it is a matter of pride, scriptural masculinity is defined by a refusal to make excuses (22). Confession and repentance are therefore right at the heart of true masculinity. What a paradigm shift from how the world defines masculinity!
One of the most important points DW makes, I think, is the fact that we need to see our small boys as future men, and raise them according to that vision. This raises the stakes for parental discipline. A child’s sins will one day turn into a man’s sins. Thus, “a boy who is not obviously learning self-control with regard to his temper, his stomach, his video games, or his school work is a boy who will still lack self-control when sexual temptation arrives” (84). We must have this long-run perspective if we want our sons to become holy men.
Another key element of this book is its reliance on Proverbs, which DW cites as a “treasury of instruction for parents of boys” (185). One theme in particular shows up again and again in Proverbs: the fact that a boy must be teachable. With this in mind, DW contends, “the first subject in the curriculum is to be teaching a son to hear” (188). I found this point helpful for identifying the starting point of parental discipline.
Overall, I basically agree with DW’s vision for parenting but probably would ask him to clarify some of his provocative Chestertonian statements in the later chapters. I also am probably not quite as conservative as he is when it comes to dating/courtship. As a general rule, DW tends to state principles in very narrow terms which I think require great grace and discernment to actually put into practice—something to keep in mind when reading his work.
Rather than writing a full review, I’ll just highlight the parts I found this most insightful.
Wilson starts out this book by distinguishing true masculinity from counterfeit masculinity—a much needed clarification in today’s culture, which can’t understand masculinity as being anything other than “toxic.” “True masculinity,” DW writes, “accepts responsibility, period, while false masculinity will try to accept responsibility only for success.” While counterfeit masculinity “excels at making excuses” because it is a matter of pride, scriptural masculinity is defined by a refusal to make excuses (22). Confession and repentance are therefore right at the heart of true masculinity. What a paradigm shift from how the world defines masculinity!
One of the most important points DW makes, I think, is the fact that we need to see our small boys as future men, and raise them according to that vision. This raises the stakes for parental discipline. A child’s sins will one day turn into a man’s sins. Thus, “a boy who is not obviously learning self-control with regard to his temper, his stomach, his video games, or his school work is a boy who will still lack self-control when sexual temptation arrives” (84). We must have this long-run perspective if we want our sons to become holy men.
Another key element of this book is its reliance on Proverbs, which DW cites as a “treasury of instruction for parents of boys” (185). One theme in particular shows up again and again in Proverbs: the fact that a boy must be teachable. With this in mind, DW contends, “the first subject in the curriculum is to be teaching a son to hear” (188). I found this point helpful for identifying the starting point of parental discipline.
Overall, I basically agree with DW’s vision for parenting but probably would ask him to clarify some of his provocative Chestertonian statements in the later chapters. I also am probably not quite as conservative as he is when it comes to dating/courtship. As a general rule, DW tends to state principles in very narrow terms which I think require great grace and discernment to actually put into practice—something to keep in mind when reading his work.
September 29, 2016
Worth reading, even though I gave it three stars!!! I plan to pick up this book in a couple years to skim through it again to be reminded of some of his good perspectives. Wilson has some great over-arching principles about future men, I gleaned a lot from the opening chapter and the chapter on 'moms and sisters.' However, he fails often in his application of these principles, making things rather legalistic and fundamentalist because of his a patriarchal-colored lenses built on 1950s American stereotypes. Examples of this are his conclusion that the domestic realm and its features are inherently feminine, as well as statements like boys take out the trash and girls wash the dishes. Weird and not biblically founded, and they don't match up with some of his better assertions about the ontological nature of men and women. Anyhoo. Good book, just don't swallow the thing whole.
May 24, 2019
This little book is one that I will likely go back to again and again through out the development of my son. Wilson provides excellent advice and a biblical worldview to raising boys in our current culture. Boys are very unique and need to be raised differently from girls in order for them to embrace the true potential that God has given them and Wilson works diligently to show that. I highly recommend this book to new fathers of sons as well as experienced parents.
March 28, 2022
Excellent use of Proverbs to show one way to use the Proverbs and to help prove Doug's points throughout the book.
June 26, 2021
A book of Proverbs-laden truthiness. Good for anyone interested in what it is to be a man and not a woman.
January 12, 2015
WARNING: The following statement is not to be understood as cliché or an overstatement, "this is the best book I have ever read about raising boys."
Doug Wilson will challenge the way you think about raising boys and he does not pull any punches on the sensitive topics many authors tip-toe around. This book is theologically rich and full of biblical support. You will not agree with everything Wilson says but at the same time you will not be able to disagree with him. The content is directly applicable to boys at any age, the earlier the better, and should be read by moms and dads alike. In fact, this gem is now in the hands of my dear wife. ~ Two thumbs up! Highest recommendation!
Doug Wilson will challenge the way you think about raising boys and he does not pull any punches on the sensitive topics many authors tip-toe around. This book is theologically rich and full of biblical support. You will not agree with everything Wilson says but at the same time you will not be able to disagree with him. The content is directly applicable to boys at any age, the earlier the better, and should be read by moms and dads alike. In fact, this gem is now in the hands of my dear wife. ~ Two thumbs up! Highest recommendation!
April 8, 2017
I liked this book much less than I thought I would. He was short on examples and long on his (frankly ridiculous) opinion of stereotypes. Ultimately not the book I'm looking for, but one I might read again.
June 28, 2023
The first book by Doug Wilson I've read. There was much here that I appreciated and found helpful. He wasn't really trying to defend his views, but to simply say what he thinks is true. Not "why" but "what". Because of that, this book read a bit like a series of blog posts, or a book of advice. And perhaps that's what he was trying to mimic, since his most often quoted book is Proverbs. And that's my main critique: that he relies so heavily on Proverbs and natural law. I was left wondering how Jesus Christ is more than just an example of manhood (curiously often left unexplained) and how his Gospel is more than forgiveness of faults. How does the Gospel redeem manhood itself? I think what I want is a dogmatic theology of manhood - something written by John Webster or one of his ilk. Nevertheless, I'm glad that this book exists if only for the helpful pull it is in a different, yet biblical, direction than what the culture inclines the church towards.
July 25, 2023
Chock full of biblical wisdom on parenting young boys. I appreciated how specific Wilson gets as well, which makes the book extremely practical (rather than merely discussing things like "masculinity" in abstract principles). The main areas of disagreement for me all ultimately stem from his understanding of the role of the covenant household. As a Baptist, I believe Wilson imports too much of the Old Covenant into the New, and this manifests itself in a few different areas. But even through a "Baptist filter," my wife and I read this book with great profit, and it led to some really in-depth discussions between the two of us on a variety of subjects (being parents of boys ourselves). Highly recommended.
August 4, 2023
As many know, Wilson has severe demagogue tendencies, but this was written before he perhaps lost even more nuance, and I did find parts of it clear and helpful. His stuff on imagination was great. There were strange extra biblical lessons on education, church, and feminization of boys, but when he stuck to the Proverbs, it certainly inspired me to raise my boys in the wisdom and fear of God, however fundamentalist Wilson frames it. There's honestly just not much like this out there, so I'll take it and wait for Ray Ortlund to write this book again.
July 25, 2018
Per usual, Wilson is accessible and succinct. A great read not only for parents of sons, but for young men looking for a theology of manhood. Will probably revisit and reference over the years as a father.
December 16, 2023
3 stars because I feel like this book lacks consistent content. Some chapters were really helpful and well written and I will revisit them. Some chapters had a lot of cultural references I didn’t understand at all and heavy use of sarcasm with implied meanings I just couldn’t catch. The book felt like a collection from previous works with some hastily written additions, and not a stand alone thing, which is a problem for people reading this as their first (my second) Wilson book.
December 23, 2023
This is going on my “read every year” shelf. It provides detailed, practical, visionary, Biblical advice on raising boys who are quickly becoming men. A thought that is equally thrilling and terrifying to me as a mom of three boys.
January 15, 2020
Fantastic. How to raise Dragon-slayers.
March 9, 2019
At this point, Wilson is a joke. In this book he attempts to reposition toxic masculinity and gender essentialism as laudatory, inevitable, and necessary.
March 17, 2023
"Every aspect of manhood starts in boyhood."
Probably one of my favorite Wilson reads so far. From a woman's perspective who hopes to be the mother of many boys one day, I found the material in this so helpful. Growing up in an egalitarian culture, it is so easy for us to miss the importance of raising our girls to be women and our boys to be men. There is no longer a presumed distinction between boys being masculine and girls being feminine. As Christians, we must intentionally recover this and Pastor Wilson does a wonderful job at taking biblical principles and bringing them to a practical application for parents. One of the highlights from the book for me was the chapter on Mom & Sisters. Wilson wrote, "Instilling toughness in boys is extraordinarily important. A masculine toughness is the only foundation on which a masculine tenderness may be safely placed. Without a concrete foundation, thoughtfulness, consideration, and sensitivity in men are simply gross. So mothers must take particular care against allowing some of their feminine strengths to be the occasion of stumbling for their sons." This will be something for me to remember when I am *Lord willing* in the thick of raising boys who are foreign to me in many ways by design. Different does not equal bad! Praise God for His wonderful gifts of gender distinction and the beautiful ways they display His character!
Probably one of my favorite Wilson reads so far. From a woman's perspective who hopes to be the mother of many boys one day, I found the material in this so helpful. Growing up in an egalitarian culture, it is so easy for us to miss the importance of raising our girls to be women and our boys to be men. There is no longer a presumed distinction between boys being masculine and girls being feminine. As Christians, we must intentionally recover this and Pastor Wilson does a wonderful job at taking biblical principles and bringing them to a practical application for parents. One of the highlights from the book for me was the chapter on Mom & Sisters. Wilson wrote, "Instilling toughness in boys is extraordinarily important. A masculine toughness is the only foundation on which a masculine tenderness may be safely placed. Without a concrete foundation, thoughtfulness, consideration, and sensitivity in men are simply gross. So mothers must take particular care against allowing some of their feminine strengths to be the occasion of stumbling for their sons." This will be something for me to remember when I am *Lord willing* in the thick of raising boys who are foreign to me in many ways by design. Different does not equal bad! Praise God for His wonderful gifts of gender distinction and the beautiful ways they display His character!
September 28, 2017
A very thorough and practical book on what it means to be train boys to be men. An essential read for those who will be fathers one day, and for young men who have a sneaking suspicion that what has been presented as masculinity in our churches and culture (in both the macho and effeminate ditches) is not the real deal.
March 11, 2023
Sober and based approach to raising young men. An important read as a father and strongly recommend for mothers as well. There are aspects of being a boy (man) that mothers have not experienced and Pastor Wilson does a good job bringing those temptations and pitfalls of boyhood to life. I resonate with what was written regarding sinful struggles for young men and appreciate the Biblical approach to correction and redirection in said areas. One I will be coming back to.
February 5, 2021
Very good. This is an outstanding book at times, giving the framework of raising boys in light of what the Bible says about manhood. Some parts are better than others, and some I disagree with (understandable given that I'm a Baptist), but on the whole it's very good. Reading another Wilson book on the topic of children right now with my wife, and we're both enjoying that.
March 16, 2024
As usual, Doug's material is good. I appreciated his clarity and willingness to take a stand on how boys are to be raised. He points out that there are obvious differences between how we raise sons and daughters. The section on boys and their moms was solid and especially instructive. In Appendix A, he tackled the thorny issue of Christian liberty and Marijuana. I didn't think his ideas were well-developed. His more recent work on the topic, "Devoured by Cannabis: Weed, Liberty, and Legalization," is much better.
July 1, 2023
Not an " 8 steps on how to raise sons" approach. More like a walk through the proverbs, and the wisdom that God has already imparted to us on how to raise future MEN. Will most likely read this one more than once over the years.
October 12, 2023
This is really good. I don’t have sons, but a lot of the content is good counsel for parenting in general. I hope that the men who end up marrying my daughters are being raised in this way.
December 28, 2023
Surprisingly good.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 293 reviews