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The Whole-Brain Child: Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind
Your toddler throws a tantrum in the middle of a store. Your preschooler refuses to get dressed. Your fifth-grader sulks on the bench instead of playing on the field. Do children conspire to make their parents’ lives endlessly challenging? No—it’s just their developing brain calling the shots!
In this pioneering, practical book, Daniel J. Siegel, neuropsychiatrist and author of the bestselling Mindsight, and parenting expert Tina Payne Bryson demystify the meltdowns and aggravation, explaining the new science of how a child’s brain is wired and how it matures. The “upstairs brain,” which makes decisions and balances emotions, is under construction until the mid-twenties. And especially in young children, the right brain and its emotions tend to rule over the logic of the left brain. No wonder kids can seem—and feel—so out of control. By applying these discoveries to everyday parenting, you can turn any outburst, argument, or fear into a chance to integrate your child’s brain and foster vital growth. Raise calmer, happier children using twelve key strategies, including
• Name It to Tame It: Corral raging right-brain behavior through left-brain storytelling, appealing to the left brain’s affinity for words and reasoning to calm emotional storms and bodily tension.
• Engage, Don’t Enrage: Keep your child thinking and listening, instead of purely reacting.
• Move It or Lose It: Use physical activities to shift your child’s emotional state.
• Let the Clouds of Emotion Roll By: Guide your children when they are stuck on a negative emotion, and help them understand that feelings come and go.
• SIFT: Help children pay attention to the Sensations, Images, Feelings, and Thoughts within them so that they can make better decisions and be more flexible.
• Connect Through Conflict: Use discord to encourage empathy and greater social success.
Complete with clear explanations, age-appropriate strategies for dealing with day-to-day struggles, and illustrations that will help you explain these concepts to your child, The Whole-Brain Child shows you how to cultivate healthy emotional and intellectual development so that your children can lead balanced, meaningful, and connected lives.
In this pioneering, practical book, Daniel J. Siegel, neuropsychiatrist and author of the bestselling Mindsight, and parenting expert Tina Payne Bryson demystify the meltdowns and aggravation, explaining the new science of how a child’s brain is wired and how it matures. The “upstairs brain,” which makes decisions and balances emotions, is under construction until the mid-twenties. And especially in young children, the right brain and its emotions tend to rule over the logic of the left brain. No wonder kids can seem—and feel—so out of control. By applying these discoveries to everyday parenting, you can turn any outburst, argument, or fear into a chance to integrate your child’s brain and foster vital growth. Raise calmer, happier children using twelve key strategies, including
• Name It to Tame It: Corral raging right-brain behavior through left-brain storytelling, appealing to the left brain’s affinity for words and reasoning to calm emotional storms and bodily tension.
• Engage, Don’t Enrage: Keep your child thinking and listening, instead of purely reacting.
• Move It or Lose It: Use physical activities to shift your child’s emotional state.
• Let the Clouds of Emotion Roll By: Guide your children when they are stuck on a negative emotion, and help them understand that feelings come and go.
• SIFT: Help children pay attention to the Sensations, Images, Feelings, and Thoughts within them so that they can make better decisions and be more flexible.
• Connect Through Conflict: Use discord to encourage empathy and greater social success.
Complete with clear explanations, age-appropriate strategies for dealing with day-to-day struggles, and illustrations that will help you explain these concepts to your child, The Whole-Brain Child shows you how to cultivate healthy emotional and intellectual development so that your children can lead balanced, meaningful, and connected lives.
192 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2011
About the author
Daniel J. Siegel
160 books2,748 followersDaniel J. Siegel, M.D., is an internationally acclaimed author, award-winning educator, and child psychiatrist. Dr. Siegel received his medical degree from Harvard University and completed his postgraduate medical education at UCLA with training in pediatrics and child, adolescent and adult psychiatry. He is currently a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, where he also serves as a co-investigator at the Center for Culture, Brain, and Development, and is a founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center. In addition, Dr. Siegel is the Executive Director of the Mindsight Institute.
Dr. Siegel has the unique ability to convey complicated scientific concepts in a concise and comprehensible way that all readers can enjoy. He has become known for his research in Interpersonal Neurobiology – an interdisciplinary view that creates a framework for the understanding of our subjective and interpersonal lives. In his most recent works, Dr. Siegel explores how mindfulness practices can aid the process of interpersonal and intrapersonal attunement, leading to personal growth and well-being.
Published author of several highly acclaimed works, Dr. Siegel’s books include the New York Times’ bestseller “Brainstorm”, along with "Mindsight," "The Developing Mind," "The Mindful Brain," "The Mindful Therapist," in addition to co-authoring "Parenting From the Inside Out," with Mary Hartzell and "The Whole-Brain Child," with Tina Bryson. He is also the Founding Editor of the Norton Professional Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology, which includes "Healing Trauma," "The Power of Emotion," and "Trauma and the Body." Dr. Siegel currently lives in Los Angeles with his wife.
For more information on Dr. Siegel's work, please visit DrDanSiegel.com.
Dr. Siegel has the unique ability to convey complicated scientific concepts in a concise and comprehensible way that all readers can enjoy. He has become known for his research in Interpersonal Neurobiology – an interdisciplinary view that creates a framework for the understanding of our subjective and interpersonal lives. In his most recent works, Dr. Siegel explores how mindfulness practices can aid the process of interpersonal and intrapersonal attunement, leading to personal growth and well-being.
Published author of several highly acclaimed works, Dr. Siegel’s books include the New York Times’ bestseller “Brainstorm”, along with "Mindsight," "The Developing Mind," "The Mindful Brain," "The Mindful Therapist," in addition to co-authoring "Parenting From the Inside Out," with Mary Hartzell and "The Whole-Brain Child," with Tina Bryson. He is also the Founding Editor of the Norton Professional Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology, which includes "Healing Trauma," "The Power of Emotion," and "Trauma and the Body." Dr. Siegel currently lives in Los Angeles with his wife.
For more information on Dr. Siegel's work, please visit DrDanSiegel.com.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 3,626 reviews
March 22, 2013
Interesting concepts, and I loved going through the brain and how it works based on our reactions; it brought me back to my psychology days. Although it was interesting to read and gave a few examples of how to implement the practices with children, I find that there is still a disconnect in how to apply it daily. I kept thinking to myself, "well that sounds good and I would love to do that...but how?". I also noticed that they went a little far explaining each concept so that I felt like each paragraph said exactly the same thing, just worded differently, and it became tedious. I wish they would have shortened the repetitiveness of "why" and added more examples of practicing the concepts in specific situations for the "how".
April 27, 2013
Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson’s “The Whole Brain Child” fails to deliver on the titular promise of “revolutionary” parenting strategies to “truly help your kids be happier, healthier, and more fully themselves”; it does, however, provide innovative and effective explanations, packaging, and delivery of many tried-and-true parenting techniques that turn out to be neuroscientifically based.
The first four chapters are the love child of the Johns - Medina’s “Brain Rules for Baby” and Gottman’s “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.” Like Medina, Siegel and Bryson show great talent for breaking down complex science into readily understandable terms (they even surpass him when explaining implicit memory). Yet whereas Medina carefully limits himself to truly definitive (i.e., research-backed) conclusions, Siegel and Bryson - like Gottman - go further, using available data as a theoretical springboard for vaunting specific, mostly emotion-related practices. The following seven strategies result: (1) “Connect and Redirect: [Helping Kids Learn to Surf] Emotional Waves”; (2) “Name It to Tame It: Telling Stories to Calm Big Emotions”; (3) “Engage, Don’t Enrage: Appealing to the Upstairs Brain”; (4) “Use It or Lose It: Exercising the Upstairs Brain”; (5) “Move It or Lose It: Moving the Body to Avoid Losing the Mind”; (6) “Use the Remote of the Mind: Replaying Memories”; and (7) “Remember to Remember: Making Recollection a Part of Your Family’s Daily Life.”
The fifth and sixth chapters, however, throw a little of Susan Stiffelman’s “Parenting Without Power Struggles” into the mix, offering child therapy techniques and explaining why they work through the prism of brain science. Strategies eight through twelve are: (8) “Let the Clouds of Emotion Roll By: Teaching That Feelings Come and Go”; (9) “SIFT[, or Sensations, Images, Feelings, and Thoughts]: Paying Attention to What’s Going On Inside”; (10) “Exercise Mindsight: Getting Back to the Hub[, or, Learning to See Your Internal Forest for the Trees]”; (11) “Increase the Family Fun Factor: Making a Point to Enjoy Each Other”; and (12) “Connect Through Conflict: Teach Kids to Argue with a ‘We’ in Mind.”
Their premise is that these twelve strategies help “integrate” children’s brains, that is, “coordinate[] and balance[] the separate regions of the brain” so as to optimize mental health. Using the image of a child inside a canoe floating down a river, they explain that veering close to the bank of chaos leaves the kid feeling too out of control to relax whereas drifting close to the bank of rigidity makes the kid too rigid to function ideally (instead “imposing control on everything and everyone”). “By helping our kids connect left [brain] and right [brain]” - as well as their “upstairs” and “downstairs” brains and implicit and explicit memories - “we give them a better chance of [finding] . . . harmonious flow between the[] two extremes,” which in turn will minimize tantrums and other results of “dis-integration.” Of course, they warn, the results won’t be perfect both because we should expect imperfection in ourselves as parents and because kids are biologically unable to always “be rational, regulate their emotions, make good decisions, think before acting, and be empathetic.”
So far all we’ve got is clever packaging and some fun analogies for pretty standard knowledge regarding keeping kids calm. The true deliciousness of what Siegel and Bryson bring to the table is a self-awareness that is two-fold, one not unique and the other truly so. First, like Medina, the authors apply their knowledge of the brain to their own project, creating a structure that maximizes retention and usefulness, including the descriptive “strategies” as chapter sub-headings, a “refrigerator sheet” that summarizes a few details under each strategy, an “ages and stages” chart that emphasizes different applications for children of different ages, and acronyms (e.g., “before you over-analyze the situation, HALT and check the basics: is your little [one] simply hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?”).
Second, and most thrilling, the authors provide graphics and suggestions for talking to kids about the way their brains and bodies work, giving children an opportunity to consciously take part in regulation of their own emotions and behavior. For the past few years, I’ve tried to provide my toddler with ownership over her well-being, telling her about some of the parenting techniques I read about, giving her a head’s up that I intend to use them, and then chatting about their effectiveness. But I’ve never read about doing this in a parenting book, and certainly haven’t heard anyone suggest starting with brain science. At their suggestion I said to my toddler, “You know how when you’re happy, your brain puts a smile on your face? Well, the same thing works backwards a little. If you smile for a while, even if you’re sad, you’ll start to feel a bit better.” And that’s just the beginning. Pretty freaking cool, guys.
Finally, I want to share two interesting tidbits from “The Whole Brain Child” approach that contradict standard parenting advice but perfectly align with my parenting instincts:
“An upstairs tantrum occurs when a child essentially decides to throw a fit. . . . A downstairs tantrum is completely different. Here, a child becomes so upset that he’s no longer able to use his upstairs brain.” With respect to the former, parents ought to follow standard advice, ignoring the antics and enforcing pre-established boundaries; when the latter type of fit is in play, however, “a completely different parental response is called for . . . much more nurturing and comforting.”
“In high-stress situations, engage your child’s upstairs brain, which is where his higher-order thinking takes place. Rather than triggering the more primitive and reactive downstairs brain with the ‘Because I said so!’ card, ask questions, collaborate, and even negotiate. The more you can appeal to the upstairs brain and engage him in critical thinking and processing, the more your child will think and act and decide, rather than simply reacting to what he's feeling.”
On the “eh” side of the scale, “The Whole Brain Child” is more useful for older children than younger ones, is often redundant and long-winded (darned brain scientists trying to make information stick), and isn’t as comprehensive as “Parenting with Love & Logic.” But there’s quite a bit to celebrate here. Though Spiegel and Bryson don’t offer much that’s new in the realm of what parents ought to do, “The Whole Brain Child” adds value to the genre in providing the why and organizing the what into an easily understood, memorable, and, yes, at one point even “revolutionary,” how.
The first four chapters are the love child of the Johns - Medina’s “Brain Rules for Baby” and Gottman’s “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.” Like Medina, Siegel and Bryson show great talent for breaking down complex science into readily understandable terms (they even surpass him when explaining implicit memory). Yet whereas Medina carefully limits himself to truly definitive (i.e., research-backed) conclusions, Siegel and Bryson - like Gottman - go further, using available data as a theoretical springboard for vaunting specific, mostly emotion-related practices. The following seven strategies result: (1) “Connect and Redirect: [Helping Kids Learn to Surf] Emotional Waves”; (2) “Name It to Tame It: Telling Stories to Calm Big Emotions”; (3) “Engage, Don’t Enrage: Appealing to the Upstairs Brain”; (4) “Use It or Lose It: Exercising the Upstairs Brain”; (5) “Move It or Lose It: Moving the Body to Avoid Losing the Mind”; (6) “Use the Remote of the Mind: Replaying Memories”; and (7) “Remember to Remember: Making Recollection a Part of Your Family’s Daily Life.”
The fifth and sixth chapters, however, throw a little of Susan Stiffelman’s “Parenting Without Power Struggles” into the mix, offering child therapy techniques and explaining why they work through the prism of brain science. Strategies eight through twelve are: (8) “Let the Clouds of Emotion Roll By: Teaching That Feelings Come and Go”; (9) “SIFT[, or Sensations, Images, Feelings, and Thoughts]: Paying Attention to What’s Going On Inside”; (10) “Exercise Mindsight: Getting Back to the Hub[, or, Learning to See Your Internal Forest for the Trees]”; (11) “Increase the Family Fun Factor: Making a Point to Enjoy Each Other”; and (12) “Connect Through Conflict: Teach Kids to Argue with a ‘We’ in Mind.”
Their premise is that these twelve strategies help “integrate” children’s brains, that is, “coordinate[] and balance[] the separate regions of the brain” so as to optimize mental health. Using the image of a child inside a canoe floating down a river, they explain that veering close to the bank of chaos leaves the kid feeling too out of control to relax whereas drifting close to the bank of rigidity makes the kid too rigid to function ideally (instead “imposing control on everything and everyone”). “By helping our kids connect left [brain] and right [brain]” - as well as their “upstairs” and “downstairs” brains and implicit and explicit memories - “we give them a better chance of [finding] . . . harmonious flow between the[] two extremes,” which in turn will minimize tantrums and other results of “dis-integration.” Of course, they warn, the results won’t be perfect both because we should expect imperfection in ourselves as parents and because kids are biologically unable to always “be rational, regulate their emotions, make good decisions, think before acting, and be empathetic.”
So far all we’ve got is clever packaging and some fun analogies for pretty standard knowledge regarding keeping kids calm. The true deliciousness of what Siegel and Bryson bring to the table is a self-awareness that is two-fold, one not unique and the other truly so. First, like Medina, the authors apply their knowledge of the brain to their own project, creating a structure that maximizes retention and usefulness, including the descriptive “strategies” as chapter sub-headings, a “refrigerator sheet” that summarizes a few details under each strategy, an “ages and stages” chart that emphasizes different applications for children of different ages, and acronyms (e.g., “before you over-analyze the situation, HALT and check the basics: is your little [one] simply hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?”).
Second, and most thrilling, the authors provide graphics and suggestions for talking to kids about the way their brains and bodies work, giving children an opportunity to consciously take part in regulation of their own emotions and behavior. For the past few years, I’ve tried to provide my toddler with ownership over her well-being, telling her about some of the parenting techniques I read about, giving her a head’s up that I intend to use them, and then chatting about their effectiveness. But I’ve never read about doing this in a parenting book, and certainly haven’t heard anyone suggest starting with brain science. At their suggestion I said to my toddler, “You know how when you’re happy, your brain puts a smile on your face? Well, the same thing works backwards a little. If you smile for a while, even if you’re sad, you’ll start to feel a bit better.” And that’s just the beginning. Pretty freaking cool, guys.
Finally, I want to share two interesting tidbits from “The Whole Brain Child” approach that contradict standard parenting advice but perfectly align with my parenting instincts:
“An upstairs tantrum occurs when a child essentially decides to throw a fit. . . . A downstairs tantrum is completely different. Here, a child becomes so upset that he’s no longer able to use his upstairs brain.” With respect to the former, parents ought to follow standard advice, ignoring the antics and enforcing pre-established boundaries; when the latter type of fit is in play, however, “a completely different parental response is called for . . . much more nurturing and comforting.”
“In high-stress situations, engage your child’s upstairs brain, which is where his higher-order thinking takes place. Rather than triggering the more primitive and reactive downstairs brain with the ‘Because I said so!’ card, ask questions, collaborate, and even negotiate. The more you can appeal to the upstairs brain and engage him in critical thinking and processing, the more your child will think and act and decide, rather than simply reacting to what he's feeling.”
On the “eh” side of the scale, “The Whole Brain Child” is more useful for older children than younger ones, is often redundant and long-winded (darned brain scientists trying to make information stick), and isn’t as comprehensive as “Parenting with Love & Logic.” But there’s quite a bit to celebrate here. Though Spiegel and Bryson don’t offer much that’s new in the realm of what parents ought to do, “The Whole Brain Child” adds value to the genre in providing the why and organizing the what into an easily understood, memorable, and, yes, at one point even “revolutionary,” how.
October 26, 2012
I am pleased to add this to my very, very small pile of approved discipline books.
1) It fits in very nicely with our family's go-to discipline philosophy, Positive Discipline (as taught by Jane Nelson)
2) It doesn't recommend punitive measures like time outs or spanking
3) it's relatively fast and easy to read with some quick reference tips when you need them most
4) it's fairly easy to implement...once you've made the paradigm shift, that is.
5) it honors and respects children and reminds parents that many of the "behavioral problems" we see are, in fact, totally normal developmental phases that children simply need additional support and nuturing to manage through.
6) it's not just a discipline book....but also a wonderful and eye-opening look at how children develop and what parents can do to ensure their children continue to thrive and grow
1) It fits in very nicely with our family's go-to discipline philosophy, Positive Discipline (as taught by Jane Nelson)
2) It doesn't recommend punitive measures like time outs or spanking
3) it's relatively fast and easy to read with some quick reference tips when you need them most
4) it's fairly easy to implement...once you've made the paradigm shift, that is.
5) it honors and respects children and reminds parents that many of the "behavioral problems" we see are, in fact, totally normal developmental phases that children simply need additional support and nuturing to manage through.
6) it's not just a discipline book....but also a wonderful and eye-opening look at how children develop and what parents can do to ensure their children continue to thrive and grow
January 12, 2014
I must say i am surprised to see so many good ratings. On the other hand it is the reason why I read it.
First things first: I'm a dad with a 2 years old child and probably share every moms and dads usual issues and questions. By the way, we split everything that involves our child at home, meaning I do half of ALL.
At first this book looked very promising. And then....I realised it has 2 sides.
On the one hand, at the end of every chapter, there is a real life problem with the real life actions parent should try to take. That's the good part.
The bad part is that the whole rest of the book, ie 80% , is the pseudo-scientific explanation based on a over-simplistic model of the brain that the authors seem to be so proud of that they need to explain it to us in detail.
I guess I need to make a few thinks clear here:
I'm a dad, I'd like to spend as much time possible with my son, so I'd appreciate books for parents that stick to what parents need to know, plus a bit of theory (thats fine), but i'd appreciate the professional bshit to be left at the conference rooms where it belongs, eventually on TV.
Honestly, if this theory was such a breakthrough in understanding kids, they'd already won the medicine Nobel prize.
First things first: I'm a dad with a 2 years old child and probably share every moms and dads usual issues and questions. By the way, we split everything that involves our child at home, meaning I do half of ALL.
At first this book looked very promising. And then....I realised it has 2 sides.
On the one hand, at the end of every chapter, there is a real life problem with the real life actions parent should try to take. That's the good part.
The bad part is that the whole rest of the book, ie 80% , is the pseudo-scientific explanation based on a over-simplistic model of the brain that the authors seem to be so proud of that they need to explain it to us in detail.
I guess I need to make a few thinks clear here:
I'm a dad, I'd like to spend as much time possible with my son, so I'd appreciate books for parents that stick to what parents need to know, plus a bit of theory (thats fine), but i'd appreciate the professional bshit to be left at the conference rooms where it belongs, eventually on TV.
Honestly, if this theory was such a breakthrough in understanding kids, they'd already won the medicine Nobel prize.
November 27, 2016
I really enjoyed this book. I'm looking forward to using these strategies with my own children especially after learning how I could be handling arguments and emotions in a better way. It's written well and includes many charts and illustrations. My favorite is the summary chart at the end to help you learn how to respond to different age groups. Glad to have read it...
February 2, 2014
I liked this book and appreciated the clear explanations of some brain science concepts (though I don't know whether it is all strictly accurate - for example, I keep hearing that the "left brain, right brain" thing is somewhat of a fiction). The book had a few really useful tools which I liked (for example, the wheel of awareness, and "move it or lose it"). It was well laid out, the cartoons and illustrations were helpful, and I really liked the "refrigerator sheets." As a parent and a therapist, I'll recommend this book to other people who want to teach their children social-emotional skills and figure out some helpful ways to respond to their children's emotions.
Despite all that, I didn't think the strategies were revolutionary. I read an article about therapy recently commenting that all the research on "brain science" doesn't necessarily tell you what INTERVENTION is needed to help someone. Conversely, you can know what intervention is needed without understanding the brain science. Though I didn't completely agree with the article, I was reminded of it while reading this book. For example, I liked the "upstairs brain, downstairs brain" metaphor but ultimately isn't this just another way to say that you need to help your kid get out of the stuck tantrum-y place to where they can think reasonably? Overall, their suggestions for intervention are fine (though they won't work all the time... but then what will?), but I'm not sure that knowing the brain science changes anything about this.
This book is clearly geared toward parents of "normal" kids who are not struggling with serious mental health or trauma issues. Which is fine, but I thought the authors should have made this clear. For example, they suggest using a narrative technique to help kids reconnect implicit and explicit memories. The authors are clearly skilled at this kind of conversation, but I think a less sensitive, aware parent might not handle it well and could possibly make their kid more uncomfortable and reinforce the kid's wish to avoid the situation. Also, it's one thing if your child fell off a bike, but if your child went through a medium-size or large trauma, I don't recommend trying this unless you also have the authors' skills. Maybe I am too cautious, but as a therapist, I know that it's a tricky line to walk, helping someone to face uncomfortable feelings while not reinforcing the traumatic aspects of what happened.
Despite all that, I didn't think the strategies were revolutionary. I read an article about therapy recently commenting that all the research on "brain science" doesn't necessarily tell you what INTERVENTION is needed to help someone. Conversely, you can know what intervention is needed without understanding the brain science. Though I didn't completely agree with the article, I was reminded of it while reading this book. For example, I liked the "upstairs brain, downstairs brain" metaphor but ultimately isn't this just another way to say that you need to help your kid get out of the stuck tantrum-y place to where they can think reasonably? Overall, their suggestions for intervention are fine (though they won't work all the time... but then what will?), but I'm not sure that knowing the brain science changes anything about this.
This book is clearly geared toward parents of "normal" kids who are not struggling with serious mental health or trauma issues. Which is fine, but I thought the authors should have made this clear. For example, they suggest using a narrative technique to help kids reconnect implicit and explicit memories. The authors are clearly skilled at this kind of conversation, but I think a less sensitive, aware parent might not handle it well and could possibly make their kid more uncomfortable and reinforce the kid's wish to avoid the situation. Also, it's one thing if your child fell off a bike, but if your child went through a medium-size or large trauma, I don't recommend trying this unless you also have the authors' skills. Maybe I am too cautious, but as a therapist, I know that it's a tricky line to walk, helping someone to face uncomfortable feelings while not reinforcing the traumatic aspects of what happened.
January 20, 2013
I'd have given this book five stars if the writing were a bit more engaging; as it is, though the material is often fascinating and incredibly relevant (I've a 28-month old toddler at home!), I found the reading a bit of a slog at times.
What Siegel has done here is, based upon cutting-edge neuro-science, boiled down the info relevant for parenting into 12 strategies to help you guide greater brain integration in your children, from birth through about 12-years old.
The kinds of things we're talking about here are simple strategies to utilize daily experience to help integrate the right and left hemispheres of the brain, the upper and lower structures of the brain, memory, the various aspects of personality and self and other.
For instance: the two strategies for integrating right and left brain are 1) connect and redirect and 2) name it to tame it. For infants and toddlers, the suggestion for the former is to mirror feelings your child is experiencing and use nonverbals to show you understand. Once you've connected, focus an a more appropriate activity. For the latter, you acknowledge and name the feeling ("You look sad; that hurt didn't it?") and then offer a narrative of the experience. At this age, you must be the narrator.
By the time a child is a pre-schooler, and more verbal, these same strategies develop as well, with the first strategy simply listening and repeating back what you've heard; then after the connection is made, directing toward problem solving and more appropriate responses. With the second strategy, he suggests you begin the narrative of what happened and then follow your child's lead, with you filling in where necessary.
By the time the child is 12, in connect and redirect, he suggests you listen and reflect back what you hear your child is saying about how they are feeling, being careful not to condescend or talk down to her. AFter the connecting, redirecting is now directed to planning and perhaps even some discipline.
I picked the most obvious of the examples, but suffice to say that the others offer some really good, solid, practices that would go a long way to make parenting a truly mindfulness-based experience. As he says in the conclusion, by parenting with this kind of attention and intention, we're impacting not just their lives, but the lives of all those they will relate with. This goes beyond the impact they will have on their children and grandchildren. As Bruce Hood makes clear in his The Self Illusion, our brains are not atomistic monads but rather social structures; self and family and community are connected neurologically.
This is the kind of book that will serve as a reference for years to come, and one which I wish more parents would be aware of for the sake of all of us!
What Siegel has done here is, based upon cutting-edge neuro-science, boiled down the info relevant for parenting into 12 strategies to help you guide greater brain integration in your children, from birth through about 12-years old.
The kinds of things we're talking about here are simple strategies to utilize daily experience to help integrate the right and left hemispheres of the brain, the upper and lower structures of the brain, memory, the various aspects of personality and self and other.
For instance: the two strategies for integrating right and left brain are 1) connect and redirect and 2) name it to tame it. For infants and toddlers, the suggestion for the former is to mirror feelings your child is experiencing and use nonverbals to show you understand. Once you've connected, focus an a more appropriate activity. For the latter, you acknowledge and name the feeling ("You look sad; that hurt didn't it?") and then offer a narrative of the experience. At this age, you must be the narrator.
By the time a child is a pre-schooler, and more verbal, these same strategies develop as well, with the first strategy simply listening and repeating back what you've heard; then after the connection is made, directing toward problem solving and more appropriate responses. With the second strategy, he suggests you begin the narrative of what happened and then follow your child's lead, with you filling in where necessary.
By the time the child is 12, in connect and redirect, he suggests you listen and reflect back what you hear your child is saying about how they are feeling, being careful not to condescend or talk down to her. AFter the connecting, redirecting is now directed to planning and perhaps even some discipline.
I picked the most obvious of the examples, but suffice to say that the others offer some really good, solid, practices that would go a long way to make parenting a truly mindfulness-based experience. As he says in the conclusion, by parenting with this kind of attention and intention, we're impacting not just their lives, but the lives of all those they will relate with. This goes beyond the impact they will have on their children and grandchildren. As Bruce Hood makes clear in his The Self Illusion, our brains are not atomistic monads but rather social structures; self and family and community are connected neurologically.
This is the kind of book that will serve as a reference for years to come, and one which I wish more parents would be aware of for the sake of all of us!
June 4, 2023
I think there is some interesting stuff in this book but not enough practical tips on implementation and too much branded language to sell the other books Dan Siegel has written. I think this info is important but the deliver is just not great in this book.
November 18, 2015
I've been reading about brain development in infants and children since my daughter was born 6 years ago. Understanding how the science of the brain interacts with the behavior of or the ability of a child to learn has led to my having more empathy for and understanding of my child. Many times we have expectations for our children that they can't meet, because their brains haven't been wired to do so yet. In addition, variations in parenting techniques work differently across the various age groups of children based upon their development.
This book is very helpful in helping parents to understand how to help their children integrate the various parts of their brain so that as they grow older they will have the right tools to help them be healthy and happy individuals. The author goes through the different parts of the brain and the states that they are in throughout each stage of a child's development. He then explains how parents can help to integrate parts of the brain via the use of various techniques. There are 12 techniques described in the book, and Siegel does a nice job of providing examples of how to use the techniques. Like any other parenting technique, parents may have to be creative to some extent, but I thought that it was great how Siegel lays out certain questions that parents can act simply to get their kids using a different part of their brain to address the problem.
I also was pleasantly surprised to find that some of the techniques are being used at my daughter's school. She is learning mindfulness and mindful breathing at school. Siegel has a whole chapter dedicated to it the book. Its focus is on how to train the brain to calm itself down and get back to a place where the logical side of the brain takes over from the emotional one. Some of these techniques work for adults, too.
This book isn't about how to make your kids behave or how to turn your kid into a genius. Instead, its focus on how a "whole brain" that is fully integrated will help a child grow into a more functional adult. I also liked that Siegel didn't make me feel that these are things that we need to be working on with our children ad nauseum. Having fun and relaxing with your kids are important, too.
Overall, I highly recommend this book if as a parent, you are interested in this type of thinking or at least understanding how a child's brain works.
This book is very helpful in helping parents to understand how to help their children integrate the various parts of their brain so that as they grow older they will have the right tools to help them be healthy and happy individuals. The author goes through the different parts of the brain and the states that they are in throughout each stage of a child's development. He then explains how parents can help to integrate parts of the brain via the use of various techniques. There are 12 techniques described in the book, and Siegel does a nice job of providing examples of how to use the techniques. Like any other parenting technique, parents may have to be creative to some extent, but I thought that it was great how Siegel lays out certain questions that parents can act simply to get their kids using a different part of their brain to address the problem.
I also was pleasantly surprised to find that some of the techniques are being used at my daughter's school. She is learning mindfulness and mindful breathing at school. Siegel has a whole chapter dedicated to it the book. Its focus is on how to train the brain to calm itself down and get back to a place where the logical side of the brain takes over from the emotional one. Some of these techniques work for adults, too.
This book isn't about how to make your kids behave or how to turn your kid into a genius. Instead, its focus on how a "whole brain" that is fully integrated will help a child grow into a more functional adult. I also liked that Siegel didn't make me feel that these are things that we need to be working on with our children ad nauseum. Having fun and relaxing with your kids are important, too.
Overall, I highly recommend this book if as a parent, you are interested in this type of thinking or at least understanding how a child's brain works.
July 18, 2020
الكتاب مفيد جداً فى توضيح استراتيجيات وخطوات تعليم أطفالنا كيفية استخدام مخهم بالكامل وليس أحد نصفيه فقط، كما أنه مبنى على فكرة استغلال المواقف اليومية كفرص لتعليم الاطفال مهارات أكثر حتى يزدهروا وليس فقط أن ينجوا.
يحوى الكتاب العديد من الأمثلة التوضيحية والتعليق عليها لايصال الفكرة بالكامل.
اسلوب الكتاب بسيط وسلس فى كل فصل يبدأ بالنظرية التى يود شرحها والتى بنيت عليها الاستراتيجيات التى يذكرها لاحقاً.
ما أعجبنى فى هذا الكتاب والشئ المميز عن كل كتب التربية التى قرأتها انه فى نهاية كل فصل يساعد الابوين على فهم أنفسهم ومساعدتهم على تطبيق الاستراتيجيات على انفسهم ليستخدموا مخهم بالكامل وبالتالى يعيشون حياة افضل بقدرات ومهارات اعلى ويكون من السهل تعليم ذلك لاطفالهما.
يحوى الكتاب العديد من الأمثلة التوضيحية والتعليق عليها لايصال الفكرة بالكامل.
اسلوب الكتاب بسيط وسلس فى كل فصل يبدأ بالنظرية التى يود شرحها والتى بنيت عليها الاستراتيجيات التى يذكرها لاحقاً.
ما أعجبنى فى هذا الكتاب والشئ المميز عن كل كتب التربية التى قرأتها انه فى نهاية كل فصل يساعد الابوين على فهم أنفسهم ومساعدتهم على تطبيق الاستراتيجيات على انفسهم ليستخدموا مخهم بالكامل وبالتالى يعيشون حياة افضل بقدرات ومهارات اعلى ويكون من السهل تعليم ذلك لاطفالهما.
July 27, 2020
Kitap özetle sağ beyin daha fazla duygulara hitap ederken, sol beynin daha fazla mantık ile ilişkili olduğunu, bununla birlikte bir alt ve üst beyin olduğunu anlatıyor. Bu beyinlerden alt beyin nefes alma, göz kırpma, dövüşme veya kaçma, öfke ve korku gibi primitif duyguları beslerken üst beyin de sağlıklı karar verme, plan yapma, duyguları ve bedeni kontrol altında tutma, kendini anlama, empati kurma, ahlaklı davranma gibi daha sosyal beceriler sağlıyor.
Mesele şu ki evin ilk katı olan alt beyin herkeste var. Bu özellikler doğuştan geliyor. Dolayısıyla da önemli olan yirmili yaşlara kadar gelişmeye devam eden üst beyni inşa edebilmek. Bu yüzden çocuk alt beyinde kısılı kaldığında daha hırçın, daha bencil oluyor. Hedef her zaman üst katı olabildiğince iyi inşa edebilmek olmalı. Mesele sağ ve sol, üst ve alt beynin entegrasyonunu sağlayabilmek.
Bu kitaptan okuduğum kadarıyla, ne kadar travmatik de olsa, çocuklara yaşadıkları olayları kendi ifadeleriyle anlattırmak gerekli. Bununla ilgili birkaç ipucu da veriliyor. Yalnız açıkçası kitaptaki diyalogları beğenmedim. Diyaloglar çok varsayımsal. Yani nasıl konuşmamamız gerektiği söyleniyor ve bununla birlikte de onun yerine "bu şekilde iletişim kurun"u gösteren ilustrasyonlar mevcut. Ancak peki ya çocuk sizin dediğiniz gibi cevap vermeyecekse? Her zaman bu kadar anlayışlı davranmayacaksa o zaman ne olacak?
Kitabın kapağında Bütün Beyinli Çocuk kavramı için devrim yaratan 12 strateji deniyor ancak stratejilerin hiçbiri akılda kalıcı değil. Fotoğraflardaki örnekler çok saçma. Birkaç örnek yazayım dedim ama o bile içimden gelmedi.
Son olarak da basım ve çeviri kalitesini beğenmedim. Çevirmen ne zaman "When," görse "vakit" ifadesini yapıştırmış. Kısacık bir paragrafta üç tane vakit gördüğünüz zaman çok fazla göze batıyor. Halbuki "zaman" veya "nde" şeklinde bir önceki kelimeye de bağlanabilir, daha rafine bir okuma deneyimi yaratılabilirdi.
Herkese keyifli okumalar!
Mesele şu ki evin ilk katı olan alt beyin herkeste var. Bu özellikler doğuştan geliyor. Dolayısıyla da önemli olan yirmili yaşlara kadar gelişmeye devam eden üst beyni inşa edebilmek. Bu yüzden çocuk alt beyinde kısılı kaldığında daha hırçın, daha bencil oluyor. Hedef her zaman üst katı olabildiğince iyi inşa edebilmek olmalı. Mesele sağ ve sol, üst ve alt beynin entegrasyonunu sağlayabilmek.
Bu kitaptan okuduğum kadarıyla, ne kadar travmatik de olsa, çocuklara yaşadıkları olayları kendi ifadeleriyle anlattırmak gerekli. Bununla ilgili birkaç ipucu da veriliyor. Yalnız açıkçası kitaptaki diyalogları beğenmedim. Diyaloglar çok varsayımsal. Yani nasıl konuşmamamız gerektiği söyleniyor ve bununla birlikte de onun yerine "bu şekilde iletişim kurun"u gösteren ilustrasyonlar mevcut. Ancak peki ya çocuk sizin dediğiniz gibi cevap vermeyecekse? Her zaman bu kadar anlayışlı davranmayacaksa o zaman ne olacak?
Kitabın kapağında Bütün Beyinli Çocuk kavramı için devrim yaratan 12 strateji deniyor ancak stratejilerin hiçbiri akılda kalıcı değil. Fotoğraflardaki örnekler çok saçma. Birkaç örnek yazayım dedim ama o bile içimden gelmedi.
Son olarak da basım ve çeviri kalitesini beğenmedim. Çevirmen ne zaman "When," görse "vakit" ifadesini yapıştırmış. Kısacık bir paragrafta üç tane vakit gördüğünüz zaman çok fazla göze batıyor. Halbuki "zaman" veya "nde" şeklinde bir önceki kelimeye de bağlanabilir, daha rafine bir okuma deneyimi yaratılabilirdi.
Herkese keyifli okumalar!
October 26, 2011
If you are a parent, teacher or other person who works with children, I would commend this book to you. By understanding how the brain works, you can survive tough moments and teach children to thrive. The Whole-Brain Child explains both how and why.
The twelve strategies the book explains are:
Connect then Redirect
Name It To Tame It
Engage, Don't Enrage
Use It Or Lose It
Move It Or Lose It
Use The Remote Of The Mind
Remember To Remember
Let The Clouds of Emotion Roll By
SIFT: sensation, image, feeling, and thought
Exercise Mindsight
Increase The Family Fun Factor
Connect Through Conflict
Each strategy is explained both scientifically and practically. There are examples and a particularly helpful appendix chart that give examples of how to use these strategies with various ages. The book also includes cartoons to share these concepts with your kids. This isn't voodoo science you use on your children to control them, these are strategies you share with them so they can have greater control over their own emotions.
I think this book provides tools any parent can use with their children. I have already recommended it many times.
The twelve strategies the book explains are:
Connect then Redirect
Name It To Tame It
Engage, Don't Enrage
Use It Or Lose It
Move It Or Lose It
Use The Remote Of The Mind
Remember To Remember
Let The Clouds of Emotion Roll By
SIFT: sensation, image, feeling, and thought
Exercise Mindsight
Increase The Family Fun Factor
Connect Through Conflict
Each strategy is explained both scientifically and practically. There are examples and a particularly helpful appendix chart that give examples of how to use these strategies with various ages. The book also includes cartoons to share these concepts with your kids. This isn't voodoo science you use on your children to control them, these are strategies you share with them so they can have greater control over their own emotions.
I think this book provides tools any parent can use with their children. I have already recommended it many times.
March 3, 2019
Things I liked about this book:
- Some cute kid anecdotes, some of which were pleasantly mind-opening for me since I don't spend much time around very young kids (er... yet).
Things I didn't like about this book:
- Out-of-date brain science. The idea of the left/right brain dichotomy has been debunked for years, and yet this book is aaaaallllll about it.
- Over-simplified brain science. Look, I get that maybe some people who read books about this stuff don't want to deal with actual science, but... I do.
- Shallow concepts, shallow solutions, not enough on-the-ground examples, not enough discussion of what works and what doesn't.
- Felt more than a bit pseudoscientific or at least just kind of "eugh, dumb pop psychology" for a book theoretically by scientists.
- Too many created terms like "mindsight."
- Hand-drawn cartoons that were too small to read on my Kindle and were often not even paraphrased or captioned in the text.
- Some cute kid anecdotes, some of which were pleasantly mind-opening for me since I don't spend much time around very young kids (er... yet).
Things I didn't like about this book:
- Out-of-date brain science. The idea of the left/right brain dichotomy has been debunked for years, and yet this book is aaaaallllll about it.
- Over-simplified brain science. Look, I get that maybe some people who read books about this stuff don't want to deal with actual science, but... I do.
- Shallow concepts, shallow solutions, not enough on-the-ground examples, not enough discussion of what works and what doesn't.
- Felt more than a bit pseudoscientific or at least just kind of "eugh, dumb pop psychology" for a book theoretically by scientists.
- Too many created terms like "mindsight."
- Hand-drawn cartoons that were too small to read on my Kindle and were often not even paraphrased or captioned in the text.
June 10, 2020
الكتاب علمي بيجمع بين طب المخ والأعصاب والطب النفسي والتربية في كومبو علمي تطبيقي مميز
أنصح به جدا لمحبين كتب التربية لأنه غير تقليدي وأفكاره العلمية ومزجها مع التطبيق لطيف جدا.
بس تنويه مهم بما إن الكاتبان طبيبان فأساس الكتاب علمي طبي ومن الممكن أن يكون ثقيل نوعا لذلك إستغرقت في قرائته نحو شهر ونصف😂
والتنويه الآخر أن الأسلوب كان ممل بالنسبة لي فالإستيراتجيات التي تناولها الكتاب يعاد طرحها مرارا وتكرارا للتأكد من فهمها.
من الممكن أن تكون هذه نقطة قوة عند البعض لكنه بالنسبة لي كانت نقطة ضعف هائلة فالإعادات المتكررة لم تحمل جديد.
لكن في الحقيقة الكتاب قيم وحتى الرسوم التوضيحية كانت مفيدة جدا (تلخص العديد من الكلام المعاد) أتمنى لو كانت أكثر.
قرأته بالإنجليزية ولكنه متوفر بالعربية أيضا ولكن لا أعرف ما هي جودة الترجمة لأني لم أطلع عليها.
ينصح به بشدة وأنتوي أن أضمه إلى مكتبتي الورقية قريبا إن شاء الله.
أنصح به جدا لمحبين كتب التربية لأنه غير تقليدي وأفكاره العلمية ومزجها مع التطبيق لطيف جدا.
بس تنويه مهم بما إن الكاتبان طبيبان فأساس الكتاب علمي طبي ومن الممكن أن يكون ثقيل نوعا لذلك إستغرقت في قرائته نحو شهر ونصف😂
والتنويه الآخر أن الأسلوب كان ممل بالنسبة لي فالإستيراتجيات التي تناولها الكتاب يعاد طرحها مرارا وتكرارا للتأكد من فهمها.
من الممكن أن تكون هذه نقطة قوة عند البعض لكنه بالنسبة لي كانت نقطة ضعف هائلة فالإعادات المتكررة لم تحمل جديد.
لكن في الحقيقة الكتاب قيم وحتى الرسوم التوضيحية كانت مفيدة جدا (تلخص العديد من الكلام المعاد) أتمنى لو كانت أكثر.
قرأته بالإنجليزية ولكنه متوفر بالعربية أيضا ولكن لا أعرف ما هي جودة الترجمة لأني لم أطلع عليها.
ينصح به بشدة وأنتوي أن أضمه إلى مكتبتي الورقية قريبا إن شاء الله.
January 19, 2024
This was a very accessible and practical guide to understanding some simple principles of neuroscience that influence relationships, communication, development and wellbeing. I appreciated that it was broken down into developmental stages to help you know what is stage-appropriate for the children you’re communicating with. I also thought the authors did a great job of explaining neuroscience without making it a scapegoat for any and all behavior.
January 11, 2023
Satu lagi buku parenting yang menurut saya ✨ wajib ✨ dibaca ✨ semua ✨ orang ✨
Awalnya saya mengira buku ini bersifat lebih universal seperti “The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read”, namun ternyata buku ini lebih menyasar audiens-audiens spesifik seperti orang tua, caregiver, atau guru 😂 Meskipun demikian, I find this book enjoyable too!
Sesuai judulnya, buku ini mengulas cara kerja otak anak-anak dalam tahap pertumbuhannya. Mengapa buku ini mengulas topik yg sangat penting? Dewasa ini, kita sudah akrab (atau bahkan mengalami sendiri) dengan masalah kesehatan mental. Namun, sebenarnya masalah kesehatan mental itu berakar dari perkembangan kita pada saat masa kanak-kanak. Secara populer, kita sudah mengenal otak manusia yang terbagi menjadi otak kiri (logis, rasional, order) & otak kanan (emosional, simbolisme, nonverbal, makna). Namun, ternyata otak kita juga bisa terbagi ke dalam bagian otak upstairs & downstairs yang berkaitan dengan cara kita menyikapi suatu krisis yang terjadi; apakah kita mampu berpikir sebelum bertindak atau justru secara impulsif melepas tantrum. Materi yang disajikan di dalam buku ini didukung oleh data-data kuantitatif maupun kualitatif. Buku ini memberikan saya harapan bahwa orang-orang dewasa seperti kita yang mungkin telah dibesarkan secara tidak sempurna oleh orang tua kita kelak juga dapat menjadi orang tua yang baik bagi anak-anak kita.
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Kelebihan buku ini adalah gaya penulisannya yang apa adanya & tidak bertele-tele, sehingga kita bisa dengan cepat langsung menyerap ke-12 strategi untuk menuntun cara kerja otak anak. Ditambah lagi ada gambar-gambar ilustrasi yang sangat membantu orang-orang awam seperti saya untuk memahami materi teknis yang disampaikan. Selain itu, strategi-strategi membimbing cara kerja otak anak di dalam buku ini juga sangat praktikal. Meskipun belum tentu menjadi orang tua, saya merasa buku ini akan sangat membantu saya kelak terutama ketika menghadapi anak-anak (seperti anak didik atau anak asuh). Overall, menurut saya buku ini menjadi buku ✨ wajib ✨ bagi para calon orang tua untuk melek kesehatan mental anak.
📝 4.5 // 5
Awalnya saya mengira buku ini bersifat lebih universal seperti “The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read”, namun ternyata buku ini lebih menyasar audiens-audiens spesifik seperti orang tua, caregiver, atau guru 😂 Meskipun demikian, I find this book enjoyable too!
Sesuai judulnya, buku ini mengulas cara kerja otak anak-anak dalam tahap pertumbuhannya. Mengapa buku ini mengulas topik yg sangat penting? Dewasa ini, kita sudah akrab (atau bahkan mengalami sendiri) dengan masalah kesehatan mental. Namun, sebenarnya masalah kesehatan mental itu berakar dari perkembangan kita pada saat masa kanak-kanak. Secara populer, kita sudah mengenal otak manusia yang terbagi menjadi otak kiri (logis, rasional, order) & otak kanan (emosional, simbolisme, nonverbal, makna). Namun, ternyata otak kita juga bisa terbagi ke dalam bagian otak upstairs & downstairs yang berkaitan dengan cara kita menyikapi suatu krisis yang terjadi; apakah kita mampu berpikir sebelum bertindak atau justru secara impulsif melepas tantrum. Materi yang disajikan di dalam buku ini didukung oleh data-data kuantitatif maupun kualitatif. Buku ini memberikan saya harapan bahwa orang-orang dewasa seperti kita yang mungkin telah dibesarkan secara tidak sempurna oleh orang tua kita kelak juga dapat menjadi orang tua yang baik bagi anak-anak kita.
.
Kelebihan buku ini adalah gaya penulisannya yang apa adanya & tidak bertele-tele, sehingga kita bisa dengan cepat langsung menyerap ke-12 strategi untuk menuntun cara kerja otak anak. Ditambah lagi ada gambar-gambar ilustrasi yang sangat membantu orang-orang awam seperti saya untuk memahami materi teknis yang disampaikan. Selain itu, strategi-strategi membimbing cara kerja otak anak di dalam buku ini juga sangat praktikal. Meskipun belum tentu menjadi orang tua, saya merasa buku ini akan sangat membantu saya kelak terutama ketika menghadapi anak-anak (seperti anak didik atau anak asuh). Overall, menurut saya buku ini menjadi buku ✨ wajib ✨ bagi para calon orang tua untuk melek kesehatan mental anak.
📝 4.5 // 5
July 28, 2023
بمجرد انتهائي من قراءة كتاب "تربية خالية من الدراما" وإشارة الكاتبين لهذا الكتاب في الكثير من المواضع، قررت قراءته بعده مباشرة.
وكما كان يذكره الكاتبين فقد كانوا يأخذوا بعض أفكاره _أو يكرروها بمعنى أصح_ لكن الفرق بالنسبة لي هو أن كتاب "تربية خالية من الدراما" كان يركز على الأبوين وطريقة تعاملهم مع أبنائهم وفهمهم لتصرفاتهم وكيفية التعامل معها، أما كتاب "طفل المخ الكامل" فهو يركز بشكل أكبر على الطفل واحتياجاته وما يمر به وهكذا.
بالنسبة لي، استمتعت واستفدت من كتاب تربية خالية من الدراما بشكل أكبر من هذا الكتاب -ولا أعلم السبب- بالرغم أنهم نفس الكاتبين بنفس الأفكار وبالرغم أني أنهيت كل كتاب منهم بنفس الجلسة إلا أني أحببت الكتاب الأول أكثر.
لكن بالطبع كلاهما مهم وغزير بالمعلومات وأنصح به.
تم
٢٧ يوليو ٢٠٢٣
وكما كان يذكره الكاتبين فقد كانوا يأخذوا بعض أفكاره _أو يكرروها بمعنى أصح_ لكن الفرق بالنسبة لي هو أن كتاب "تربية خالية من الدراما" كان يركز على الأبوين وطريقة تعاملهم مع أبنائهم وفهمهم لتصرفاتهم وكيفية التعامل معها، أما كتاب "طفل المخ الكامل" فهو يركز بشكل أكبر على الطفل واحتياجاته وما يمر به وهكذا.
بالنسبة لي، استمتعت واستفدت من كتاب تربية خالية من الدراما بشكل أكبر من هذا الكتاب -ولا أعلم السبب- بالرغم أنهم نفس الكاتبين بنفس الأفكار وبالرغم أني أنهيت كل كتاب منهم بنفس الجلسة إلا أني أحببت الكتاب الأول أكثر.
لكن بالطبع كلاهما مهم وغزير بالمعلومات وأنصح به.
تم
٢٧ يوليو ٢٠٢٣
February 19, 2023
Cartea îți aduce la cunoștință cum stă treaba cu creierul copilului tău și, totodată, autorul îți prezintă modalitățile de integrare armonioasă ale diferitelor părți ale acestuia, adică, ce rol are partea inferioară cu cea superioară, ele nu se dezvoltă toate odată, ci de-a lungul anilor, până la maturitate, apoi, ce rol are emisfera stângă cu cea dreaptă și ce așteptări să ai de la copiii tăi știind toate aceste detalii.
Citesc pentru a doua oară această carte. Prima dată am rămas mai entuziasmată de conținut, după a doua lectură, ceva s-a schimbat și vă zic ce: între timp am mai citit cărți de parenting și această carte nu mi se pare completă, cu toate astea, vă îndemn să o citiți. O să vă ajute să vă coborâți cu câteva nivele așteptările față de comportamentul copiilor voștri.
Creierul „superior“ – care ia decizii şi echilibrează emoţiile, oricare ar fi ele – se formează până la aproximativ douăzeci şi cinci de ani, deci, e pueril și infantil să ai așteptări de la un copil în plină criză de furie că va înțelege ce îi zici tu, chiar dacă fix asta aștepți de la el, să te înțeleagă, el nu este capabil în acele momente. Şi, în special la copiii mici, emisfera dreaptă şi emoţiile ei au tendinţa de a domina logica emisferei stângi. Nu e de mirare că cei mici au accese de furie, se bat, stau supărați sau nimic, aparent, nu le place. Așa e creat creierul, ce bine că avem acces la atâtea informații, știind toate aceste detalii, încerci să nu te enervezi și să faci mai rău, dimpotrivă, iei situațiile ca atare și încerci să ajungi la creierul inferior, parte care face legătură cu logica, cu înțelegerea și, mai apoi, cu calmul. Copilul după ce se liniștește și e pregătit să facă conexiuni, e mult mai ușor să accepte ce i se întâmplă.
Rezumatele de la sfârșitul fiecărui capitol sunt utile și explică și mai simplist ideile discutate, așadar, mai ai încă o șansă să intelegi și mai bine ce vor să îți transmită autorii.
Spor să aveți.
Citesc pentru a doua oară această carte. Prima dată am rămas mai entuziasmată de conținut, după a doua lectură, ceva s-a schimbat și vă zic ce: între timp am mai citit cărți de parenting și această carte nu mi se pare completă, cu toate astea, vă îndemn să o citiți. O să vă ajute să vă coborâți cu câteva nivele așteptările față de comportamentul copiilor voștri.
Creierul „superior“ – care ia decizii şi echilibrează emoţiile, oricare ar fi ele – se formează până la aproximativ douăzeci şi cinci de ani, deci, e pueril și infantil să ai așteptări de la un copil în plină criză de furie că va înțelege ce îi zici tu, chiar dacă fix asta aștepți de la el, să te înțeleagă, el nu este capabil în acele momente. Şi, în special la copiii mici, emisfera dreaptă şi emoţiile ei au tendinţa de a domina logica emisferei stângi. Nu e de mirare că cei mici au accese de furie, se bat, stau supărați sau nimic, aparent, nu le place. Așa e creat creierul, ce bine că avem acces la atâtea informații, știind toate aceste detalii, încerci să nu te enervezi și să faci mai rău, dimpotrivă, iei situațiile ca atare și încerci să ajungi la creierul inferior, parte care face legătură cu logica, cu înțelegerea și, mai apoi, cu calmul. Copilul după ce se liniștește și e pregătit să facă conexiuni, e mult mai ușor să accepte ce i se întâmplă.
Rezumatele de la sfârșitul fiecărui capitol sunt utile și explică și mai simplist ideile discutate, așadar, mai ai încă o șansă să intelegi și mai bine ce vor să îți transmită autorii.
Spor să aveți.
July 18, 2016
This book was horrible.
I was expecting some great new "revolutionary" strategies, when in fact I don't think there were any new concepts.
This book basically copied How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, especially with the "Name it to Tame it" strategy. If you're looking for a good, organized parenting book, read How to Talk instead.
I was excited to learn a bit more about child psychology in this book, however once I started reading it I was disappointed. As other reviewers mention, this book talks down to you in a very condescending manner.
I would not recommend reading this book.
I was expecting some great new "revolutionary" strategies, when in fact I don't think there were any new concepts.
This book basically copied How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, especially with the "Name it to Tame it" strategy. If you're looking for a good, organized parenting book, read How to Talk instead.
I was excited to learn a bit more about child psychology in this book, however once I started reading it I was disappointed. As other reviewers mention, this book talks down to you in a very condescending manner.
I would not recommend reading this book.
March 19, 2023
Solely read this one because I love my job of working with kids as a speech-language pathologist. 🗣️ I also loveee science, especially when it pertains to children. 🫶
There were several amazing strategies and takeaways from this methodology. I really appreciate how social-emotional wellbeing of children is being accounted for more and more in today’s society, like it should! There were good golden nuggets in this book that I could see myself using with my students or future children one day.
Highly recommend for parents!
There were several amazing strategies and takeaways from this methodology. I really appreciate how social-emotional wellbeing of children is being accounted for more and more in today’s society, like it should! There were good golden nuggets in this book that I could see myself using with my students or future children one day.
Highly recommend for parents!
December 1, 2020
Εκλαϊκευμένη επιστήμη η οποία ωστόσο απαιτεί ένα μίνιμουμ υπόβαθρο από την πλευρά των γονιών. Εύστοχα παραδείγματα και επιστημονική τεκμηρίωση. Πολύ καλή η μετάφραση αν και κάποιες φορές το κείμενο φαίνεται να ξεχειλώνει για να γεμίσουν παραπάνω σελίδες. Καταρρίπτει κάποιους κλασικούς μύθους διαπαιδαγώγησης και διαβάζεται εύκολα.
January 2, 2019
Sadece çocuğum ve ebeveyn olmak ile ilgili degil, kendi çocukluğum, duygularım ve farkındalığım ile ilgili aydınlanma yaşadığım bir kitaptı. Beynime ve çocuğumun beynine bambaşka bir açıdan bakmayı, ona farklı düşünebilmeyi öğretebilmenin mümkün olduğunu keşfetmek beni inanılmaz heyecanlandırdı.
December 2, 2020
Yeğenime ve öğrencilerime faydası dokunur diye okudum. Bana faydalı oldu. 😄
February 4, 2014
This little parenting book is basically about how to teach children emotional intelligence--how to get them to recognize their own emotions, that emotions are temporary, and how to develop sympathy, among other things. Often when I interact with an upset child, I take the "dismiss and deny" strategy of telling them it's okay and that whatever they're upset about isn't that bad. Using this book's method, it's better to first acknowledge the child's emotion, like saying "you look sad! Is it because Cariton won't share that toy with you?" to get them talking about why they feel the way they do, and to acknowledge their current emotional state, and then redirect their attention to something not-sad.
I liked the concise writing and the comic book examples, and I especially liked the chart in the back that has suggestions for the different age groups. I felt disappointed in how dumbed down the neuroscience felt though. One of the back-of-book blurbs described it as "erudite" and offering a "science focus" which is completely misleading. This book is directed at parents who never took neuroscience in college; it doesn't address picky details like which study said that and what their sample size was. In particular the reuse of the "wiring/rewiring" bothered me. They also cited a study on the brain development of vilonists to show that playing the violin can change your brain, when in reality that study also looked at people who learned to play the violin later in life and how it doesn't change your brain's physicality as much later (so I felt that they cited it incorrectly). I also didn't like the inclusion of the buzzword "mindsight" when it seemed like "sympathy" would have worked perfectly well instead.
As far as my gut feelings go, the strategies offered here SEEM like you could back them with current neuroscience and psychology research. Since the authors didn't get bogged down with research they could present their strategies simply and in an easy-to-read format. But personally, I'd like a little more information on how they developed those strategies.
I liked the concise writing and the comic book examples, and I especially liked the chart in the back that has suggestions for the different age groups. I felt disappointed in how dumbed down the neuroscience felt though. One of the back-of-book blurbs described it as "erudite" and offering a "science focus" which is completely misleading. This book is directed at parents who never took neuroscience in college; it doesn't address picky details like which study said that and what their sample size was. In particular the reuse of the "wiring/rewiring" bothered me. They also cited a study on the brain development of vilonists to show that playing the violin can change your brain, when in reality that study also looked at people who learned to play the violin later in life and how it doesn't change your brain's physicality as much later (so I felt that they cited it incorrectly). I also didn't like the inclusion of the buzzword "mindsight" when it seemed like "sympathy" would have worked perfectly well instead.
As far as my gut feelings go, the strategies offered here SEEM like you could back them with current neuroscience and psychology research. Since the authors didn't get bogged down with research they could present their strategies simply and in an easy-to-read format. But personally, I'd like a little more information on how they developed those strategies.
December 26, 2019
Нотатки з книги:
"Доброю новиною є те, що використовуючи щоденні моменти, ви маєте змогу впливати на ефективність розвитку інтеграції мозку дитини."
"Ліва півкуля мозку любить порядок і підтримує його. Вона логічна, літерна, лінгвістична (любить слова) та лінійна (створює послідовність або порядок)... Ліва півкуля мозку також полюбляє списки й таблиці. Права півкуля мозку, навпаки, всеосяжна й невербальна, передає та отримує сигнали, що дають нам змогу спілкуватися з іншими людьми, наприклад, за допомогою виразу обличчя, контакту очей, тону голосу, пози та жестів. Наша права півкуля мозку не зосереджується на деталях і не встановлює порядок, а замість цього дбає про загальну картину сприйняття - значення та відчуття пережитого досвіду - і зосереджується на образах, емоціях і особистих спогадах."
"З точки зору розвитку, у дуже маленьких дітей права півкуля мозку домінує, особливо протягом перших трьох років... коли малюк починає повсякчас запитувати "Чому?", ви знаєте, що вже починає працювати ліва півкуля мозку."
Тренуй Свій Мозок разом з Readlax (промо-лінк)
"автобіографічні спогади зберігаються в правій півкулі мозку"
"Щоразу, коли ми говоримо: "Переконай мене" або "Запропонуй рішення, яке задовольнить нас обох", ми даємо нашим дітям шанс навчитися розв'язувати проблеми і приймати рішення."
"спогади спотворюються - іноді трохи, іноді сильніше, - навіть якщо ви впевнені, що пам'ятаєте все точно."
"Ваш психологічний стан у момент кодування спогаду та стан у момент згадування впливає та змінює сам спогад."
"процес - від активації нейронів до розвитку та укріплення нейронних зв'язків - і є нейропластичністю" !!!
"мозок - це соціальний орган, створений для взаємодії з іншими"
"незалежно від того, чи мавпа спостерігала за дією, чи виконувала дію сама, активними були ті самі нейрони (дзеркальні нейрони)"
"Доброю новиною є те, що використовуючи щоденні моменти, ви маєте змогу впливати на ефективність розвитку інтеграції мозку дитини."
"Ліва півкуля мозку любить порядок і підтримує його. Вона логічна, літерна, лінгвістична (любить слова) та лінійна (створює послідовність або порядок)... Ліва півкуля мозку також полюбляє списки й таблиці. Права півкуля мозку, навпаки, всеосяжна й невербальна, передає та отримує сигнали, що дають нам змогу спілкуватися з іншими людьми, наприклад, за допомогою виразу обличчя, контакту очей, тону голосу, пози та жестів. Наша права півкуля мозку не зосереджується на деталях і не встановлює порядок, а замість цього дбає про загальну картину сприйняття - значення та відчуття пережитого досвіду - і зосереджується на образах, емоціях і особистих спогадах."
"З точки зору розвитку, у дуже маленьких дітей права півкуля мозку домінує, особливо протягом перших трьох років... коли малюк починає повсякчас запитувати "Чому?", ви знаєте, що вже починає працювати ліва півкуля мозку."
Тренуй Свій Мозок разом з Readlax (промо-лінк)
"автобіографічні спогади зберігаються в правій півкулі мозку"
"Щоразу, коли ми говоримо: "Переконай мене" або "Запропонуй рішення, яке задовольнить нас обох", ми даємо нашим дітям шанс навчитися розв'язувати проблеми і приймати рішення."
"спогади спотворюються - іноді трохи, іноді сильніше, - навіть якщо ви впевнені, що пам'ятаєте все точно."
"Ваш психологічний стан у момент кодування спогаду та стан у момент згадування впливає та змінює сам спогад."
"процес - від активації нейронів до розвитку та укріплення нейронних зв'язків - і є нейропластичністю" !!!
"мозок - це соціальний орган, створений для взаємодії з іншими"
"незалежно від того, чи мавпа спостерігала за дією, чи виконувала дію сама, активними були ті самі нейрони (дзеркальні нейрони)"
September 20, 2017
Easy to digest info on neuroplasticity....providing tools to help teach: 1)how to use both your logic and emotional sides of your brain more cohesively to make more balanced choices, and 2)how to get "unstuck" and be more flexible with your thoughts. Great for parents and teachers alike to help teach kids they can learn to influence their environment rather than be influenced BY it.
June 22, 2020
Çocuk eğitimi üzerine çok kitap okumadım; ama bu müthişti! İnsan beyninin çocuklukta nasıl çalıştığından yola çıkarak anne-babalara altın değerinde öngörüler içeriyor. Çok değerli bir bilgi kaynağı; her ebeveyne çocukları 1-2 yaşına geldikten itibaren şiddetle tavsiye ederim.
April 7, 2020
A great guide to parenting and talking to kids about their feelings. But it 's probably more helpful for parents of younger kids.
December 31, 2021
I wish this could be on every parent’s must-read list. Insightful read with great tips to utilize for children of all ages. 👍🏻
January 23, 2024
"It's really not an exaggeration to say that the kind of relationship you provide for your children will affect generations to come. We can impact the future of the world by caring well for our children and by being intentional in giving them the kinds of relationships that we value and that we want them to see as normal." -The Whole-Brain Child
This was a revolutionary read and I am surprised it took me this long to get to it. What I have gleaned in small bits and pieces in my parenting thus far, this book lays out systematically, going from one aspect of child development to the next. It begins at theory and proceeds to real-life parenting examples, a section to read with your child(ren), and then suggestions for applying the concept to yourself. I found this layout extremely intuitive and helpful.
The book covers strategies and concepts that I certainly wish I had been taught years ago. Indeed, many I am still working to perfect daily.
If parents implement the strategies in this book, it seems like those children will benefit from a steady, attached relationship with their parents or primary caregivres, the skills to understand their own mind, and the ability to regulate their emotions - and what's more, at a much earlier age than many in my generation learned all this.
Lastly, the most heartening and worthy goal outlined in this work is to help children form healthy and strong attachments which, the authors posit, will in good time help them form equally healthy and appropriate relationships as they grow and learn to interact with increasingly wider circles of people. In other words, the primary parental relationship is so formative and long-lasting in its effects that it has the power to determine the way in which children relate to all other people in their lives. However sobering this might be to realize as a parent, I also found this fact quite beautiful in light of God's design for the parent-child relationship. Our first conception of God is always formed through our parental relationships (or lack thereof). He designed children's brains for attachment - for love! Why? Because what better way for the littlest of these to learn about the Father's love than through a parent who comes every time a child cries, every time they are scared, or hurt, or lonely, no matter what? Truly, the trust developed in these early years can have eternal effects.
This was a revolutionary read and I am surprised it took me this long to get to it. What I have gleaned in small bits and pieces in my parenting thus far, this book lays out systematically, going from one aspect of child development to the next. It begins at theory and proceeds to real-life parenting examples, a section to read with your child(ren), and then suggestions for applying the concept to yourself. I found this layout extremely intuitive and helpful.
The book covers strategies and concepts that I certainly wish I had been taught years ago. Indeed, many I am still working to perfect daily.
If parents implement the strategies in this book, it seems like those children will benefit from a steady, attached relationship with their parents or primary caregivres, the skills to understand their own mind, and the ability to regulate their emotions - and what's more, at a much earlier age than many in my generation learned all this.
Lastly, the most heartening and worthy goal outlined in this work is to help children form healthy and strong attachments which, the authors posit, will in good time help them form equally healthy and appropriate relationships as they grow and learn to interact with increasingly wider circles of people. In other words, the primary parental relationship is so formative and long-lasting in its effects that it has the power to determine the way in which children relate to all other people in their lives. However sobering this might be to realize as a parent, I also found this fact quite beautiful in light of God's design for the parent-child relationship. Our first conception of God is always formed through our parental relationships (or lack thereof). He designed children's brains for attachment - for love! Why? Because what better way for the littlest of these to learn about the Father's love than through a parent who comes every time a child cries, every time they are scared, or hurt, or lonely, no matter what? Truly, the trust developed in these early years can have eternal effects.
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