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Ambitious Like a Mother: Why Prioritizing Your Career Is Good for Your Kids
In this captivating and radical look at “work-life balance,” Lara Bazelon reframes our understanding of working women—and shows how prioritizing your career benefits mothers, kids, and society at large. In this singular cultural moment, mothers have unparalleled opportunities to succeed at work while continuing to face the same societal impediments that held back our mothers and grandmothers. We still encounter entrenched gender bias in the workplace and are expected to shoulder the lion’s share of labor and burdens at home while being made to feel as if we’re never doing enough. All the while we’re told that the perfect work-life balance is possible, if only we try hard enough to achieve it.
It’s time to change the conversation—about work, life, and “balance.” Work and life are inextricably, intimately intertwined. We need to celebrate what we do give our children—even and especially in moments of imbalance—rather than apologizing for what we don’t. In this way, we can model for our children how we use our talents to help others and raise awareness about the issues closest to our hearts. We can embrace the personal fulfillment and financial independence that pursuing meaningful work can bring as a way of showing our children how to live happy, purpose-driven lives. Bazelon argues not only that we can but that we should. Being ambitious at work and being a good mother to our children are not at odds—these qualities mutually reinforce each other.
Backed up by research and filled with personal stories from Bazelon’s life, as well as that of her mother and the many other women she interviewed across the cultural and financial spectrum, Ambitious Like a Mother is an anthem, a beacon for all to recognize and celebrate the pioneering women who reject the false idols of the Selfless Mother and Work-Life Balance, and a call to embrace your own ambitions and model your multiplicities for your children.
It’s time to change the conversation—about work, life, and “balance.” Work and life are inextricably, intimately intertwined. We need to celebrate what we do give our children—even and especially in moments of imbalance—rather than apologizing for what we don’t. In this way, we can model for our children how we use our talents to help others and raise awareness about the issues closest to our hearts. We can embrace the personal fulfillment and financial independence that pursuing meaningful work can bring as a way of showing our children how to live happy, purpose-driven lives. Bazelon argues not only that we can but that we should. Being ambitious at work and being a good mother to our children are not at odds—these qualities mutually reinforce each other.
Backed up by research and filled with personal stories from Bazelon’s life, as well as that of her mother and the many other women she interviewed across the cultural and financial spectrum, Ambitious Like a Mother is an anthem, a beacon for all to recognize and celebrate the pioneering women who reject the false idols of the Selfless Mother and Work-Life Balance, and a call to embrace your own ambitions and model your multiplicities for your children.
- GenresParentingNonfictionAdult
272 pages, Hardcover
Published April 19, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
August 20, 2022
Not my favorite but I appreciate every book written on this topic. We need more perspectives from working mothers even if the voices in this book didn't resonate with me. My partner and I both are not ambitious enough to prioritize our careers over our marriage or our childrens' milestones. The number of marriages ending in divorce and the story of finally making it to senior night and realizing your kid is actually good at soccer was actually really sad to me. But that's me and why I am not impressive and saving lives.
I enjoyed reading this perspective and love these go-getter women who are too often shamed for wanting the same things many men want.
I do wish this book had more ambitious women who are not in prestigious, white-collar fields. I felt like a big justification for mothers working was "your children will recognize you are changing the world and they will eventually admire you". The majority of women are not in these careers but still have ambition and still want to work.
I enjoyed reading this perspective and love these go-getter women who are too often shamed for wanting the same things many men want.
I do wish this book had more ambitious women who are not in prestigious, white-collar fields. I felt like a big justification for mothers working was "your children will recognize you are changing the world and they will eventually admire you". The majority of women are not in these careers but still have ambition and still want to work.
May 30, 2022
If you’re an ambitious, hard-working parent, you need to stop what you’re doing and go get this book. I can’t even begin to express the amount of inspiration, validation, and comfort I got from this book. Lara Bazelon is a badass. She’s not just an author, she’s a lawyer and a professor, and a mother. As a father who works his ass off and is always trying to find balance, it was so refreshing to read this book and realize that I’m not the only one dealing with all of these internal conflicts.
Yes, the book is female-focused, but dads can gain a ton from this book as well. In fact, Lara discusses how a lot of her ambition came from her father. In this book Lara discusses her internal conflicts of being a mother while also trying to pursue her goals. As a man, it was really interesting to learn about all of the biases, stereotypes, and overall BS women have to deal with in the world as mothers. Bazelon discusses double-standards for women as well as the unrealistic expectations of women that were really highlighted during the pandemic as more parents had to work from home.
I could go on and on about this book, but I just hope it gets as much attention as it deserves. Lara interviews amazing women throughout the book. Through her personal story as well as theirs, you’ll walk away from this book knowing that you can be a badass parent while also working hard. This book will be an inspiration to anyone who reads it, and I know I gained a ton from my experience with it.
Yes, the book is female-focused, but dads can gain a ton from this book as well. In fact, Lara discusses how a lot of her ambition came from her father. In this book Lara discusses her internal conflicts of being a mother while also trying to pursue her goals. As a man, it was really interesting to learn about all of the biases, stereotypes, and overall BS women have to deal with in the world as mothers. Bazelon discusses double-standards for women as well as the unrealistic expectations of women that were really highlighted during the pandemic as more parents had to work from home.
I could go on and on about this book, but I just hope it gets as much attention as it deserves. Lara interviews amazing women throughout the book. Through her personal story as well as theirs, you’ll walk away from this book knowing that you can be a badass parent while also working hard. This book will be an inspiration to anyone who reads it, and I know I gained a ton from my experience with it.
July 23, 2022
This was a good concept with some writing style. I appreciated how the author, Lara Bezelon, is honest about the second wave feminism fallacy of 'having it all' and how that construct of a women with perfectly balanced career and motherhood serves to make women feel inadequate. The strongest chapters were in the beginning, particularly in the critiques of the celebrity 'supermoms'.
To me, the book was weakened by its focus on women as prestigious white collar institutions, professors, lawyers, politicians, real estate agents, etc. Only the working class mothers in the story stand out in my recollection, a beauty technician who takes a chance in leaving her work to stake it out on her own, and a military careerist, and a school teacher currently recharging and reinventing herself in her interval as a stay at home mother.
It would have been a stronger book if more women in blue and pink collared job sectors were featured. It kind of underscores that having a career that can be an integral part of an identity is a privilege. Wish that the ambition of the title in the book applied to women with less prestigious jobs but still the need to have an identity and social respect outside of motherhood.
To me, the book was weakened by its focus on women as prestigious white collar institutions, professors, lawyers, politicians, real estate agents, etc. Only the working class mothers in the story stand out in my recollection, a beauty technician who takes a chance in leaving her work to stake it out on her own, and a military careerist, and a school teacher currently recharging and reinventing herself in her interval as a stay at home mother.
It would have been a stronger book if more women in blue and pink collared job sectors were featured. It kind of underscores that having a career that can be an integral part of an identity is a privilege. Wish that the ambition of the title in the book applied to women with less prestigious jobs but still the need to have an identity and social respect outside of motherhood.
May 27, 2022
A lot of this book (obviously) resonated with me. I do wish there were more examples of ambitious mothers who put their marriage higher in the list of their priorities (many of the examples in this book resulted in divorce, which I am a huge proponent of if it makes your life/children happier, but surely there are more examples of women who have found their equally ambitious but supportive husbands…)
Overall though there is not enough literature out there about working mothers, so I do recommend this book, with some stipulations.
Overall though there is not enough literature out there about working mothers, so I do recommend this book, with some stipulations.
April 17, 2022
A must read for any working mother!
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January 6, 2023I'm not a big audiobook person, but for some reason I really like listening to non-fiction books on audio.
Almost immediately I disliked this book.
I implore publishers: vet your narrators. Because good gravy, the narrator of this audiobook sounded like a sports announcer. This is why I usually prefer for the author to read their own book, because a non-fiction book really doesn't need a theatrical performance... it needs authenticity. And this is just like, "MOTH-ers who have AMBIT-ion... are GOOD for their kids." I could barely focus on the words!
And then when I did focus on the words... ugh.
I picked up this book because I wanted a book about working mothers and being AMBITIOUS working mothers. Tell me why a full chapter+ (which feels so much longer as an audiobook) is dedicated to statistics on when women are fertile. That isn't the point of the book. Women who pick up this book are obviously looking for information on being WORKING MOMS, not "HOW AND WHEN TO GET PREGNANT".
Like. C'mon.
Almost immediately I disliked this book.
I implore publishers: vet your narrators. Because good gravy, the narrator of this audiobook sounded like a sports announcer. This is why I usually prefer for the author to read their own book, because a non-fiction book really doesn't need a theatrical performance... it needs authenticity. And this is just like, "MOTH-ers who have AMBIT-ion... are GOOD for their kids." I could barely focus on the words!
And then when I did focus on the words... ugh.
I picked up this book because I wanted a book about working mothers and being AMBITIOUS working mothers. Tell me why a full chapter+ (which feels so much longer as an audiobook) is dedicated to statistics on when women are fertile. That isn't the point of the book. Women who pick up this book are obviously looking for information on being WORKING MOMS, not "HOW AND WHEN TO GET PREGNANT".
Like. C'mon.
July 10, 2022
As a woman who has never really considered being a stay-at-home mom, for sanity reasons, this book provides a lot of insight and encouragement for working mothers.
The book addresses how successful women in the public eye feel compelled to always claim to put motherhood before their own careers and ambitions because otherwise, they will get judged and shamed. This is not the case for men who are fathers as their primary role is breadwinner, not caregiver.
The author uses real women as examples to illustrate her points, including the pressure women have to get married, have children, and treat motherhood as their primary role. Although these anecdotes were valuable in demonstrating her points, there were many extraneous details about these women's lives that could have been pared down.
Thanks to NetGalley and Little, Brown, & Co for my ARC.
The book addresses how successful women in the public eye feel compelled to always claim to put motherhood before their own careers and ambitions because otherwise, they will get judged and shamed. This is not the case for men who are fathers as their primary role is breadwinner, not caregiver.
The author uses real women as examples to illustrate her points, including the pressure women have to get married, have children, and treat motherhood as their primary role. Although these anecdotes were valuable in demonstrating her points, there were many extraneous details about these women's lives that could have been pared down.
Thanks to NetGalley and Little, Brown, & Co for my ARC.
August 23, 2022
This book is about the triumph of anxiety over love, and of fear over courage.
The surest way to a miserable life is to prioritize career (see: status) over the people you love most (whom I hope are your children).
Bazelon's mother was compelled by the fear of material lack, something which apparently drove her own mother insane.
"Never be at the financial mercy of anyone else" Bazelon's mother told her, as if trusting another human being to support you for any length of time is an act of extreme recklessness.
All of us begin (and often end) our lives at the financial mercy of other people. To live in fear of this is to live in fear of vulnerability and trust. This is not a recipe for a happy life.
Yet Bazelon writes that women would be far more free and joyful if they accepted the "fact" that their work benefits both them AND their children.
But is this always true?
If a mother works 60 hours a week, how does that benefit her young children? Or her teenage children struggling during adolescence?
If a mother misses her child's first word or first steps, how does that benefit either one of them?
What Bazelon is selling is a very traditional view of success - for fathers.
The traditional father's role in parenting has become the Gold Standard for women these days.
Why? Probably because there is no status in caring for little human beings.
When Bazelon tells women to prioritize their careers, she is talking about prioritizing their status.
The old song "Cats in The Cradle" was a warning to fathers NOT to prioritize their careers/status over their children.
Sadly, what has happened instead, is that women have internalized the REVERSE message: if you want to be valued by society, you need to prioritize your career over your children. Spending too much time nurturing your kids won't win you any awards, and it sure as hell won't get you tenure.
And people will think you are stupid for choosing love over work.
I was a single mom who lived on $800 a month & food stamps.
I managed to stay home with my son until he was 3 and a half by caring for other children (whose moms had careers) in my dilapidated single wide trailer.
It was extremely difficult - 12 hour days caring for toddlers is probably the hardest job in the world - but my son is an adult now, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Now that he's grown, I treasure every one of those days.
Prioritize your career at your own risk.
It will give you far more status and money, but you may live to regret it:
"I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I could find the time"
"You see, my new job's a hassle and the kid's got the flu"
"But it's sure nice talkin' to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talkin' to you"
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me"
The surest way to a miserable life is to prioritize career (see: status) over the people you love most (whom I hope are your children).
Bazelon's mother was compelled by the fear of material lack, something which apparently drove her own mother insane.
"Never be at the financial mercy of anyone else" Bazelon's mother told her, as if trusting another human being to support you for any length of time is an act of extreme recklessness.
All of us begin (and often end) our lives at the financial mercy of other people. To live in fear of this is to live in fear of vulnerability and trust. This is not a recipe for a happy life.
Yet Bazelon writes that women would be far more free and joyful if they accepted the "fact" that their work benefits both them AND their children.
But is this always true?
If a mother works 60 hours a week, how does that benefit her young children? Or her teenage children struggling during adolescence?
If a mother misses her child's first word or first steps, how does that benefit either one of them?
What Bazelon is selling is a very traditional view of success - for fathers.
The traditional father's role in parenting has become the Gold Standard for women these days.
Why? Probably because there is no status in caring for little human beings.
When Bazelon tells women to prioritize their careers, she is talking about prioritizing their status.
The old song "Cats in The Cradle" was a warning to fathers NOT to prioritize their careers/status over their children.
Sadly, what has happened instead, is that women have internalized the REVERSE message: if you want to be valued by society, you need to prioritize your career over your children. Spending too much time nurturing your kids won't win you any awards, and it sure as hell won't get you tenure.
And people will think you are stupid for choosing love over work.
I was a single mom who lived on $800 a month & food stamps.
I managed to stay home with my son until he was 3 and a half by caring for other children (whose moms had careers) in my dilapidated single wide trailer.
It was extremely difficult - 12 hour days caring for toddlers is probably the hardest job in the world - but my son is an adult now, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Now that he's grown, I treasure every one of those days.
Prioritize your career at your own risk.
It will give you far more status and money, but you may live to regret it:
"I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I could find the time"
"You see, my new job's a hassle and the kid's got the flu"
"But it's sure nice talkin' to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talkin' to you"
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me"
June 12, 2022
Ambitious Like a Mother is about the complexity of working motherhood, the folly of work-life balance, and the double standards women face both at home and in the workplace. The book weaves together narratives of many working mothers, their varying circumstances, diverse careers and how they view their ambition and parenting. Many of these stories were inspiring!
Bazelon points out that happy mothers are better mothers. This is absolutely true and everything else is commentary. Not every woman is happy being home all day with little kids so the entire debate if it's better for mothers to work or stay home is a non sequitur. Also, in today's economic climate many mothers need to work so why are we as a society pilling on the guilt?
This is an important topic but I didn't feel like this book added much new to the discourse. Also, there were too many couples that ended up divorced over their inability to reconcile the mothers' ambitions. I found that sad and wish there were more examples of how families can get this to work.
Bazelon points out that happy mothers are better mothers. This is absolutely true and everything else is commentary. Not every woman is happy being home all day with little kids so the entire debate if it's better for mothers to work or stay home is a non sequitur. Also, in today's economic climate many mothers need to work so why are we as a society pilling on the guilt?
This is an important topic but I didn't feel like this book added much new to the discourse. Also, there were too many couples that ended up divorced over their inability to reconcile the mothers' ambitions. I found that sad and wish there were more examples of how families can get this to work.
June 16, 2022
As a successful working mom for 25 years with three kids I wanted to love this book, but I was ok. As someone said like a research paper.
April 27, 2022
I really enjoyed this book. I listened to it while doing household chores over the course of a week, and I kept laughing at the irony, especially at one of the adult children’s comment that their mother never sat still. This is largely a collection of narratives, with some research included, and it felt affirming to hear stories of other working parents who felt their careers were their life’s calling. I also appreciated hearing of the stories where parents made it work - where there wasn’t resentment and the other parent understood the value of having a career that matters. I think, as I’m still/always recovering from a year+ of zoom-schooling while working full-time at a legal nonprofit, it’s helpful to hear even a snippet of how others managed that time without dropping important work.
February 23, 2023
Thank you to Hachette audio for the gifted audiobook copy of Ambitious Like A Mother!
As a working and expecting mom, this is definitely up my alley and I heard a lot of things I needed to hear. I enjoyed the different vignettes and research studies shared. I think I would have appreciated some more relatable careers and lower income areas versus mostly lawyers and doctors. The author is a great writer, I am curious if she might have been a better narrator. The voice actor was a little bland and I might have referred reading this title. Overall a quick and interesting read for fellow working moms who need some positive reinforcement on your professional goals.
As a working and expecting mom, this is definitely up my alley and I heard a lot of things I needed to hear. I enjoyed the different vignettes and research studies shared. I think I would have appreciated some more relatable careers and lower income areas versus mostly lawyers and doctors. The author is a great writer, I am curious if she might have been a better narrator. The voice actor was a little bland and I might have referred reading this title. Overall a quick and interesting read for fellow working moms who need some positive reinforcement on your professional goals.
May 30, 2022
Really interesting read as the topic itself flys in the face of my heart but is in line with my day to day. The heart cry of the women and children interviewed with the underlying beat of “feeling like everything is on the woman” and “ensuring there is a distinct conversation of division of labor in the home” is so true and lies so close to home fore me. A very interesting read.
November 24, 2022
I would be really curious on additional detail about self care and mental health in this scenario. So many examples of burnout here and hitting rock bottom.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 14, 2023
So much goodness. Not necessarily new ideas but amazing reminders that’s you’re allowed to have the best of both worlds.
December 1, 2023
Meh. Despite the subtitle, it spent very little time addressing why or how prioritizing your career is good for your kids.
June 1, 2022
I absolutely agree with the premise of the book and the author’s preface resonated with me. But that was my favorite part. The rest of the book was written like a technical essay and I gotta say it took 2 months for me to get through it. Not my type of writing for leisurely reading material.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews