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The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It
The author of The Willpower Instinct delivers a controversial and groundbreaking new book that overturns long-held beliefs about stress.
More than forty-four percent of Americans admit to losing sleep over stress. And while most of us do everything we can to reduce it, Stanford psychologist and bestselling author Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D., delivers a startling message: Stress isn’t bad. In The Upside of Stress, McGonigal highlights new research indicating that stress can, in fact, make us stronger, smarter, and happier—if we learn how to embrace it.
The Upside of Stress is the first book to bring together cutting-edge discoveries on the correlation between resilience—the human capacity for stress-related growth—and mind-set, the power of beliefs to shape reality. As she did in The Willpower Instinct, McGonigal combines science, stories, and exercises into an engaging and practical book that is both entertaining and life-changing, showing you:
how to cultivate a mind-set to embrace stress
how stress can provide focus and energy
how stress can help people connect and strengthen close relationships
why your brain is built to learn from stress, and how to increase its ability to learn from challenging experiences
McGonigal’s TED talk on the subject has already received more than 7 million views. Her message resonates with people who know they can’t eliminate the stress in their lives and want to learn to take advantage of it. The Upside of Stress is not a guide to getting rid of stress, but a guide to getting better at stress, by understanding it, embracing it, and using it.
More than forty-four percent of Americans admit to losing sleep over stress. And while most of us do everything we can to reduce it, Stanford psychologist and bestselling author Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D., delivers a startling message: Stress isn’t bad. In The Upside of Stress, McGonigal highlights new research indicating that stress can, in fact, make us stronger, smarter, and happier—if we learn how to embrace it.
The Upside of Stress is the first book to bring together cutting-edge discoveries on the correlation between resilience—the human capacity for stress-related growth—and mind-set, the power of beliefs to shape reality. As she did in The Willpower Instinct, McGonigal combines science, stories, and exercises into an engaging and practical book that is both entertaining and life-changing, showing you:
how to cultivate a mind-set to embrace stress
how stress can provide focus and energy
how stress can help people connect and strengthen close relationships
why your brain is built to learn from stress, and how to increase its ability to learn from challenging experiences
McGonigal’s TED talk on the subject has already received more than 7 million views. Her message resonates with people who know they can’t eliminate the stress in their lives and want to learn to take advantage of it. The Upside of Stress is not a guide to getting rid of stress, but a guide to getting better at stress, by understanding it, embracing it, and using it.
294 pages, Hardcover
First published March 19, 2012
About the author
Kelly McGonigal
22 books1,591 followersKelly McGonigal, PhD, is a health psychologist and lecturer at Stanford University, an award-winning science journalist, and a leading expert on the mind-body relationship. Her teaching and writing focus on the applications of psychological science to personal health and happiness, as well as public policy and social change.
She is the author of The Upside of Stress (Penguin Random House/Avery 2015), The Willpower Instinct(Penguin/Avery 2012), Yoga for Pain Relief (New Harbinger 2009), and The Neuroscience of Change: A Compassion-Based Guide to Personal Transformation (Sounds True Audio, 2012).
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/kellymcgoniga...
She is the author of The Upside of Stress (Penguin Random House/Avery 2015), The Willpower Instinct(Penguin/Avery 2012), Yoga for Pain Relief (New Harbinger 2009), and The Neuroscience of Change: A Compassion-Based Guide to Personal Transformation (Sounds True Audio, 2012).
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/kellymcgoniga...
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 693 reviews
September 8, 2017
If you don't want to read this epic review. I will give you the condensed version.
Stress isn't bad for you. It's good for you. But only if you get your head out of your keister. Get this book to learn how to do that.
Now for that epic review I promised you.
The Upside of Stress:
The other day I bumped into my neighbor and he was covered in mud and all scraped up. I said "what in the hell happened to you"?
He replied that he had just run an extreme obstacle course race replete with electric fences over mud pits that he had to crawl through on his stomach in order to avoid getting electrocuted.
After he finished describing what to me sounded like a condensed Baton death march, he told me that he had already signed up to do it again next year and that he "couldn't wait".
Can you imagine signing up for an obstacle race and then complaining bitterly about the obstacles you encounter?
I guess its feasible, but it's more likely that you would come upon the obstacles, for instance the electric mud pit, jump right in and scramble through it quick as you could.
You'd be stoked, and you'd relate to it as just one of many cool, fun challenges.
All an integral part of the deal of being in an extreme obstacle course event.
If you were expecting a regular race, and you came upon the electric mud pit, then I could see a very different kind of reaction.
It would seem unfair. It would seem irresponsible of the organizers to arrange for such a ridiculously dangerous rout to have the race on. It would be an outrage.
Many of us expect life to be a casual Sunday 5k, when in fact it's more like a balls out extreme obstacle race.
We resist life's little inconveniences and challenges instead of diving in and hard charging to the next one.
People have a similar response to their own feelings of stress. We often resist feelings of stress and relate to them as a problem or a liability.
We drink booze, take drugs and do all manner of other things in an attempt to avoid stress feelings altogether.
This eliminates or reduces the stress feelings (for a little bit), but it doesn't solve the initial problems and often leads to even bigger problems in the long term.
What if we could change our relationship to the stress feelings?
What if we could intentionally approach our stress feelings instead of habitually avoiding them.
What if we could relate to our stress feelings as helpful?
What if we could relate to our stress feelings as our body making energy that we can use to accomplish whatever we need to do?
Dr. McGonigal's message in The Upside Of Stress is; we can (and should) do exactly that. Particularly if we value our health, relationships and productivity.
The Downside of Stress:
For decades we have been given the message that stress is bad for you and that we should avoid it.
This message, however well attended, may actually be the harmful part of the equation.
How so?
Let me explain with another quick metaphor:
The Polygraph Suicide Machine:
Imagine you're strapped into a very sensitive polygraph machine. Connected to the polygraph machine was a gun pointed at your head. The mad scientist, super villain or installation artist (which ever you prefer) who created the machine tells you that if your stress goes above a certain level, the gun will go off and kill you.
What happens when you start to feel a little bit of stress?
Most people would become very distressed.
They would feel stress about feeling stressed.
This may even engender a self-perpetuating negative upward spiral.
For many of us, the gun would go off before even had a chance to do our yoga breathing or pop a Xanax.
This metaphor is an amplification of what happens within many of us when we relate to stress as if it were a problem or a threat to our health and functioning.
If we relate to our stress feelings as a problem or even as toxic, it is natural to try to escape from them or otherwise resist them.
The problem is that when it comes to thoughts and feelings, resisting them often engenders an ironic rebound effect.
In other words, it makes it worse.
As an experiment, try not to think about a white bear for the next 60 seconds.
Ready, set, go.....,.
How'd you do?
Most people report automatically thinking about a white bear.
Essentially, the rule of thumb is, when it comes to thoughts and feelings, if you're unwilling to have them, you will.
That which you resist, persists.
This applies to stress feelings too.
The more you resist feeling stress, the more you feel stress.
So what can we do about this interesting predicament?
For starters, you could read the book.
But read on if you want the (cheater-pants) executive summery.
The Three Stress Responses:
People think there is only one kind of stress. Many people think all stress is bad. Lots of people think all stress is physically bad for you. But Dr. McGonigal's research is finding that this is far from the truth. In fact, the belief that stress is harmful may actually be killing you.
Dr. McGonigal asserts that there are in fact three types of stress response:
The Threat Response:
• when the situation is dangerous and you need to escape or fight
The Challenge Response:
• when the situation is demanding and you need to rise to the occasion
The Tend and Befriend Response:
• when the situation is dangerous and or demanding and you need to (a) seek assistance or (b) assist another
All of these are adaptive, normal stress responses.
Quiz:
Put yourself in the following scenarios and name the stress responses (the answers are included, so it's kind of a shitty quiz, but what ever).
Gazelle:
Imagine you're a gazelle eating grass on an African savanna. You hear a very faint rustling in the bushes, and out of the corner of your eye you catch a glimpse of a tiger charging in your direction.
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
There is a clear is escape rout.
• What do you do?
(You Run)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Threat Response)
Mama Tiger:
Imagine you're a mama tiger. You're hungry. Your babies are hungry. You go out hunting. You come upon a savanna where a delicious looking gazelle is munching on grass. You slowly creep up on him. He hears you. You know it's now or never.
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
The gazelle is within striking distance.
• What do you do?
(You go for it)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Challenge Response)
Baby Tiger:
Imagine you're a baby tiger. You wander away from mom for a minute. You see a hungry looking predator hyena headed for you.
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
You know mom is right around the corner.
• What do you do?
(You let out a distress cry)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Tend and Befriend Response)
Mama Tiger:
Imagine you're a mama tiger. You notice your baby has wandered away. You hear his distress cry. You investigate. You see baby tiger, he's shaking and very distressed. The predator hyena is long gone but baby is still upset.
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
You know baby is distressed.
• What do you do?
(You comfort baby)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Tend and Befriend Response)
The point being. The feelings of arousal (what we call stress) the animals are having is all essentially the same. It's all the feeling of the body making energy to take action.
The animals reaction is based on their evolutionarily conditioned instincts (motivational feelings) and is largely dictated by stimulus in the environment.
Corporate Accountant:
Imagine your an accountant at a large corperation. Your boss drops by your cubicle and drops a huge pile of work on your desk and says "we need this done by tomorrow and we need you to present the results to the CEO at the board meeting".
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
A: you've heard that stress is bad for you and you've have a history of panic attacks.
• What do you do?
(Shit your pants, freak out, panic)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Threat Response, you're relating to your own stress feelings as a threat)
B: you know you're capable of doing the work, you know that it's absolutely normal to feel aroused in this kind of situation, and you know the arousal you are feeling is simply your body making energy for you to take action.
• What do you do?
(You go for it)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Challenge Response, you're relating to the stress arousal as fuel in your tank to accomplish the task at hand)
C: you have a trusted coworker who you have helped in the past, and who is always willing to help you.
• What do you do?
(You reach out for help)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Tend and Befriend Response, you're utilize your stress arousal to mobilize you to reach out when you need it).
People and Stress:
The main difference between people and other animals is language. Language is obviously helpful, but it can lead to certain problems. Specifically, distorted or unhelpful (maladaptive) beliefs.
With people, their beliefs about stress and their relationship to stress largely determines their response to stress.
A belief that stress is harmful can transform an otherwise adaptive bodily function (arousal) into a tremendously maladaptive anxiety or panic condition.
What Can We Do?
Convert the Threat Response to a Challenge Response and/or a Tend and Befriend Response.
How Do We Do That?
The following are just a few of the most effective psychological skills and tools for flipping pants shitting panic into gnar stoking energy and prosocial behavior.
Mindfulness:
• practice mindful awareness of feelings (as body sensations) on a regular basis.
This generally increases emotional awareness and gets us out of our (crazy) heads and into the direct, felt experience of the emotion, in the here and now (and out of the highly dramatic "can you believe what that asshole just said" there and then).
Acceptance and Change:
• accept the things that can't be changed.
• change the things that can be changed.
Hint:
• Automatic thoughts and feelings are in the "can't be changed" category.
• Behaviors are in the "can be changed" category.
In other words, accept your automatic thoughts and feelings, and change your behavior.
This gets us in the habit of allowing the feelings to be there for us to use as fuel to take action.
Stay Solution Focused and Take Action:
• focus on strengths and resources
• break the issue into smaller, actionable steps
• take a step
• take another one
This reduces overwhelm and gets our hands and feet moving (hopefully in a positive, constructive direction).
The Simple Catchphrase:
• this is what this is like (mindful acceptance)
• now what needs to be done (adaptive action)
- take a step
- reach out
Also.......
Reach Out:
• develop a reliable support network
• be of service when ever possible
• reach out for support when ever we need it
You always knew you were supposed to be nice. Now you know why. You might need help someday. Oh well. Never too late to start right :-)
Stress Mindset:
According to Dr. McGonagle, A person's "Stress Mindset" is the primary determinant of which stress response we will have in a given situation.
According to Dr. McGonigal's research, the reason the various Stress Mindsets have such a profound effect on our wellbeing is because they inform ongoing behavior.
In other words, they change the way you act.
Threat Responses elicit elusive, defensive and aggressive behavior. This tends to be maladaptive in the long term in just about any social milieu. Think about bullies like Hitler. Maybe they gain in the short term, but people hate it when these guys win, and they tend to ban together and take them down after a while.
Challenge Responses elicit determined, innovative creatively engaged behavior. This tends to be adaptive in the longterm. Think about innovators like Steve Jobs or Henry Ford who was famous for saying "weather you think you can or you think you can't, you're right".
Tend and Befriend Responses elicit empathetic, cooperative behavior. This tends (no pun intended - ouch) to be very adaptive in the long term, think about social alchemists like Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King and Gandhi. Maybe they eat dirt at first, but people love it when these special people win, and they tend to ban together and rally behind them and their causes.
What do Hitler, Steve Jobs, Henry Ford, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King and Gandhi have in common?
They are all horrendously tired and overused examples of good and bad behavior.
But that's beside the point.
And furthermore, Bernie Madoff and Elon Musk just don't have the same impact.
Anyway.....
The Nerdy Stuff:
The neurological and neurochemical substrates of the Threat Response, the Challenge Response and the Tend and Befriend Response are all essentially the same, but with a few important differences.
All three of the stress responses feature increased blood serum levels of stress hormones:
• Adrenaline, which causes an elevated cardiovascular rate (increased heart rate and breathing and all that).
• Cortisol, which enables your body to convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
However:
The Challenge Response features additional increased blood serum levels of other resilience boosting hormones:
• Dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), an important endogenous steroidal hormone.
• Brain Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF), an important neurochemical that promotes brain growth and protects against age related cognitive decline.
The Tend and Befriend Response features increased blood serum levels of hormones associated with reduced stress related cardiovascular disease and increased prosocial behavior:
• Oxytocin, an important hormone that promotes social bonding and vasodilation (opening of the veins and arteries) which protects against the damaging cardiovascular effects of stress.
In conclusion. Your Stress Mindset largely determines your stress response. An appropriate stress response largely determines how adaptive your behavior is and weather or not stress kills you, or makes you stronger.....
Drop The Mic.
If You Have Made It This Far:
Just go ahead and buy the fuckin' book.
You're going to love it.
Five Stars!!!!!!!!!
Stress isn't bad for you. It's good for you. But only if you get your head out of your keister. Get this book to learn how to do that.
Now for that epic review I promised you.
The Upside of Stress:
The other day I bumped into my neighbor and he was covered in mud and all scraped up. I said "what in the hell happened to you"?
He replied that he had just run an extreme obstacle course race replete with electric fences over mud pits that he had to crawl through on his stomach in order to avoid getting electrocuted.
After he finished describing what to me sounded like a condensed Baton death march, he told me that he had already signed up to do it again next year and that he "couldn't wait".
Can you imagine signing up for an obstacle race and then complaining bitterly about the obstacles you encounter?
I guess its feasible, but it's more likely that you would come upon the obstacles, for instance the electric mud pit, jump right in and scramble through it quick as you could.
You'd be stoked, and you'd relate to it as just one of many cool, fun challenges.
All an integral part of the deal of being in an extreme obstacle course event.
If you were expecting a regular race, and you came upon the electric mud pit, then I could see a very different kind of reaction.
It would seem unfair. It would seem irresponsible of the organizers to arrange for such a ridiculously dangerous rout to have the race on. It would be an outrage.
Many of us expect life to be a casual Sunday 5k, when in fact it's more like a balls out extreme obstacle race.
We resist life's little inconveniences and challenges instead of diving in and hard charging to the next one.
People have a similar response to their own feelings of stress. We often resist feelings of stress and relate to them as a problem or a liability.
We drink booze, take drugs and do all manner of other things in an attempt to avoid stress feelings altogether.
This eliminates or reduces the stress feelings (for a little bit), but it doesn't solve the initial problems and often leads to even bigger problems in the long term.
What if we could change our relationship to the stress feelings?
What if we could intentionally approach our stress feelings instead of habitually avoiding them.
What if we could relate to our stress feelings as helpful?
What if we could relate to our stress feelings as our body making energy that we can use to accomplish whatever we need to do?
Dr. McGonigal's message in The Upside Of Stress is; we can (and should) do exactly that. Particularly if we value our health, relationships and productivity.
The Downside of Stress:
For decades we have been given the message that stress is bad for you and that we should avoid it.
This message, however well attended, may actually be the harmful part of the equation.
How so?
Let me explain with another quick metaphor:
The Polygraph Suicide Machine:
Imagine you're strapped into a very sensitive polygraph machine. Connected to the polygraph machine was a gun pointed at your head. The mad scientist, super villain or installation artist (which ever you prefer) who created the machine tells you that if your stress goes above a certain level, the gun will go off and kill you.
What happens when you start to feel a little bit of stress?
Most people would become very distressed.
They would feel stress about feeling stressed.
This may even engender a self-perpetuating negative upward spiral.
For many of us, the gun would go off before even had a chance to do our yoga breathing or pop a Xanax.
This metaphor is an amplification of what happens within many of us when we relate to stress as if it were a problem or a threat to our health and functioning.
If we relate to our stress feelings as a problem or even as toxic, it is natural to try to escape from them or otherwise resist them.
The problem is that when it comes to thoughts and feelings, resisting them often engenders an ironic rebound effect.
In other words, it makes it worse.
As an experiment, try not to think about a white bear for the next 60 seconds.
Ready, set, go.....,.
How'd you do?
Most people report automatically thinking about a white bear.
Essentially, the rule of thumb is, when it comes to thoughts and feelings, if you're unwilling to have them, you will.
That which you resist, persists.
This applies to stress feelings too.
The more you resist feeling stress, the more you feel stress.
So what can we do about this interesting predicament?
For starters, you could read the book.
But read on if you want the (cheater-pants) executive summery.
The Three Stress Responses:
People think there is only one kind of stress. Many people think all stress is bad. Lots of people think all stress is physically bad for you. But Dr. McGonigal's research is finding that this is far from the truth. In fact, the belief that stress is harmful may actually be killing you.
Dr. McGonigal asserts that there are in fact three types of stress response:
The Threat Response:
• when the situation is dangerous and you need to escape or fight
The Challenge Response:
• when the situation is demanding and you need to rise to the occasion
The Tend and Befriend Response:
• when the situation is dangerous and or demanding and you need to (a) seek assistance or (b) assist another
All of these are adaptive, normal stress responses.
Quiz:
Put yourself in the following scenarios and name the stress responses (the answers are included, so it's kind of a shitty quiz, but what ever).
Gazelle:
Imagine you're a gazelle eating grass on an African savanna. You hear a very faint rustling in the bushes, and out of the corner of your eye you catch a glimpse of a tiger charging in your direction.
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
There is a clear is escape rout.
• What do you do?
(You Run)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Threat Response)
Mama Tiger:
Imagine you're a mama tiger. You're hungry. Your babies are hungry. You go out hunting. You come upon a savanna where a delicious looking gazelle is munching on grass. You slowly creep up on him. He hears you. You know it's now or never.
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
The gazelle is within striking distance.
• What do you do?
(You go for it)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Challenge Response)
Baby Tiger:
Imagine you're a baby tiger. You wander away from mom for a minute. You see a hungry looking predator hyena headed for you.
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
You know mom is right around the corner.
• What do you do?
(You let out a distress cry)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Tend and Befriend Response)
Mama Tiger:
Imagine you're a mama tiger. You notice your baby has wandered away. You hear his distress cry. You investigate. You see baby tiger, he's shaking and very distressed. The predator hyena is long gone but baby is still upset.
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
You know baby is distressed.
• What do you do?
(You comfort baby)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Tend and Befriend Response)
The point being. The feelings of arousal (what we call stress) the animals are having is all essentially the same. It's all the feeling of the body making energy to take action.
The animals reaction is based on their evolutionarily conditioned instincts (motivational feelings) and is largely dictated by stimulus in the environment.
Corporate Accountant:
Imagine your an accountant at a large corperation. Your boss drops by your cubicle and drops a huge pile of work on your desk and says "we need this done by tomorrow and we need you to present the results to the CEO at the board meeting".
Instantly, your body becomes flooded with adrenaline and cortisol. Stress hormones that elevate your level of arousal and convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
A: you've heard that stress is bad for you and you've have a history of panic attacks.
• What do you do?
(Shit your pants, freak out, panic)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Threat Response, you're relating to your own stress feelings as a threat)
B: you know you're capable of doing the work, you know that it's absolutely normal to feel aroused in this kind of situation, and you know the arousal you are feeling is simply your body making energy for you to take action.
• What do you do?
(You go for it)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Challenge Response, you're relating to the stress arousal as fuel in your tank to accomplish the task at hand)
C: you have a trusted coworker who you have helped in the past, and who is always willing to help you.
• What do you do?
(You reach out for help)
• Name That Stress Response?
(The Tend and Befriend Response, you're utilize your stress arousal to mobilize you to reach out when you need it).
People and Stress:
The main difference between people and other animals is language. Language is obviously helpful, but it can lead to certain problems. Specifically, distorted or unhelpful (maladaptive) beliefs.
With people, their beliefs about stress and their relationship to stress largely determines their response to stress.
A belief that stress is harmful can transform an otherwise adaptive bodily function (arousal) into a tremendously maladaptive anxiety or panic condition.
What Can We Do?
Convert the Threat Response to a Challenge Response and/or a Tend and Befriend Response.
How Do We Do That?
The following are just a few of the most effective psychological skills and tools for flipping pants shitting panic into gnar stoking energy and prosocial behavior.
Mindfulness:
• practice mindful awareness of feelings (as body sensations) on a regular basis.
This generally increases emotional awareness and gets us out of our (crazy) heads and into the direct, felt experience of the emotion, in the here and now (and out of the highly dramatic "can you believe what that asshole just said" there and then).
Acceptance and Change:
• accept the things that can't be changed.
• change the things that can be changed.
Hint:
• Automatic thoughts and feelings are in the "can't be changed" category.
• Behaviors are in the "can be changed" category.
In other words, accept your automatic thoughts and feelings, and change your behavior.
This gets us in the habit of allowing the feelings to be there for us to use as fuel to take action.
Stay Solution Focused and Take Action:
• focus on strengths and resources
• break the issue into smaller, actionable steps
• take a step
• take another one
This reduces overwhelm and gets our hands and feet moving (hopefully in a positive, constructive direction).
The Simple Catchphrase:
• this is what this is like (mindful acceptance)
• now what needs to be done (adaptive action)
- take a step
- reach out
Also.......
Reach Out:
• develop a reliable support network
• be of service when ever possible
• reach out for support when ever we need it
You always knew you were supposed to be nice. Now you know why. You might need help someday. Oh well. Never too late to start right :-)
Stress Mindset:
According to Dr. McGonagle, A person's "Stress Mindset" is the primary determinant of which stress response we will have in a given situation.
According to Dr. McGonigal's research, the reason the various Stress Mindsets have such a profound effect on our wellbeing is because they inform ongoing behavior.
In other words, they change the way you act.
Threat Responses elicit elusive, defensive and aggressive behavior. This tends to be maladaptive in the long term in just about any social milieu. Think about bullies like Hitler. Maybe they gain in the short term, but people hate it when these guys win, and they tend to ban together and take them down after a while.
Challenge Responses elicit determined, innovative creatively engaged behavior. This tends to be adaptive in the longterm. Think about innovators like Steve Jobs or Henry Ford who was famous for saying "weather you think you can or you think you can't, you're right".
Tend and Befriend Responses elicit empathetic, cooperative behavior. This tends (no pun intended - ouch) to be very adaptive in the long term, think about social alchemists like Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King and Gandhi. Maybe they eat dirt at first, but people love it when these special people win, and they tend to ban together and rally behind them and their causes.
What do Hitler, Steve Jobs, Henry Ford, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King and Gandhi have in common?
They are all horrendously tired and overused examples of good and bad behavior.
But that's beside the point.
And furthermore, Bernie Madoff and Elon Musk just don't have the same impact.
Anyway.....
The Nerdy Stuff:
The neurological and neurochemical substrates of the Threat Response, the Challenge Response and the Tend and Befriend Response are all essentially the same, but with a few important differences.
All three of the stress responses feature increased blood serum levels of stress hormones:
• Adrenaline, which causes an elevated cardiovascular rate (increased heart rate and breathing and all that).
• Cortisol, which enables your body to convert sugar into energy that your muscles can use to take action.
However:
The Challenge Response features additional increased blood serum levels of other resilience boosting hormones:
• Dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), an important endogenous steroidal hormone.
• Brain Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF), an important neurochemical that promotes brain growth and protects against age related cognitive decline.
The Tend and Befriend Response features increased blood serum levels of hormones associated with reduced stress related cardiovascular disease and increased prosocial behavior:
• Oxytocin, an important hormone that promotes social bonding and vasodilation (opening of the veins and arteries) which protects against the damaging cardiovascular effects of stress.
In conclusion. Your Stress Mindset largely determines your stress response. An appropriate stress response largely determines how adaptive your behavior is and weather or not stress kills you, or makes you stronger.....
Drop The Mic.
If You Have Made It This Far:
Just go ahead and buy the fuckin' book.
You're going to love it.
Five Stars!!!!!!!!!
February 16, 2019
The book makes the negative health role of stress sounding as a direct product of a matter of beliefs. It's a very dangerous idea. Anyone who has encountered real issues with stress and who also has experienced significant eustress knows the distinction between distress and eustress to be a key in this story. It's not some stressors which are bad, but some experiences of stress are significatively different and it's not all made up in your head. If physiologically your HPA axis is messed up, the system which regulates stress response, you can believe as hard and genuinely as you want stress is good for you, you will be more resilient, but the experience will be painstaking.
This mentalization of stress, while relevant in many common cases, is an abusive generalization and a dangerous idea for people who have a real issue with stress experiences.
Moreover, burnout, depression, manic and psychotic episodes, all can be caused by overactivation of the HPA system. People experiencing those can have high-intensity lives and a passionately positive relationship to stress. Still, stress is a huge trigger of those episodes...
A very American and corporate idea. You're stressed out, darling, aren't you ? Let's believe harder it's all in our head !
This mentalization of stress, while relevant in many common cases, is an abusive generalization and a dangerous idea for people who have a real issue with stress experiences.
Moreover, burnout, depression, manic and psychotic episodes, all can be caused by overactivation of the HPA system. People experiencing those can have high-intensity lives and a passionately positive relationship to stress. Still, stress is a huge trigger of those episodes...
A very American and corporate idea. You're stressed out, darling, aren't you ? Let's believe harder it's all in our head !
January 2, 2016
LOved this book, here are my crib notes, mostly for myself, but overall should give you a gist of the book and my takeaways.
Top 5 takeaways:
1 - Stress doesn't kill you, it stress combined with the belief that stress harms your health.
2 - The happiest people in the polls were the people who were highly stress but NOT depressed, they were most likely to be at the ideal crossroads of understanding stress is part of growth, but they didn't let that stress put them into depression.
3 - Happy lives are not stress free. Nor does a stress free life ensure happiness. High levels of stress come along with the things we want, love, purpose, etc.
4 - A meaningful life is also a stressful life.
5 - Writing about values helped them to connect day to day tasks with the meaning of life, small things that might have been irritating, now were part of the path of reaching goals, etc.
Bonus: When you feel stress rising, ask yourself, what are my bigger than self goals and how is this an opportunity to serve them?
-------------------------------------------
1998 study
30k Adults in the US were asked:
how much stress have you experienced in the past year, then they were asked
Do you believe stress is harmful to your health
8 years later they reviewed who of the 30k participants died
High levels of stress increased the risk of dying by 43% in the group, but that increased risk only applied to people who ALSO believed that stress harmed their health.
The people who reported high levels of stress, but didn't believe that stress was harmful, were NOT more likely to die. They actually had the lowest risk of death of people in the study. Even those who reported having low stress.
She has spent her life convincing people that stress was bad for their health.
Chapter 2
The study of maids
How do you build your resources to handle life's challenges, and build resiliency to stress, vs letting them spiral out of control.
Situations you can't control become opportunities to grow.
Stress Mindset Interventions:
Test of telling people this: "If you feel like you don't belong, you are not alone, over time this will change"
As the feeling of not belonging is widespread and stressful, but rarely expressed.
Feeling like you don't belong can change everything you experience.
His Ivy league freshmen read stories from upper classmen (with messages of "this will change over time") in African American Students
The one time intervention improved their health, happiness, and performance over the next 3 years over students who were not selected into the test.
BY graduation those in the group who participated in the group had much higher GPAs, they closed the typical GPA gap between minority and non minority groups at the school.
The intervention changed 2 things
1 - Changes the response to problems, they view them as short lived and just part of the college experience (I was told to expect this)
2 - Those who received the intervention had made closer friendships and were more likely to have found mentors over their time.
Belonging intervention matters!!
The idea that a 30 min intervention could alter the trajectory of someone's life, results in people just not believing its real. They seem too good to be true, but it is. That 30 minute "this is normal" intervention did just that.
They contradict a deeply held belief about change, and how deeply rooted problems are difficult to change.
Small shifts in mindset can set off a cascading effect.
HOw can I change my mindset about stress?
-Acknowledge stress when you see it
-Welcome the stress by recognizing its a response to something you care about
- Don't waste energy managing your stress, flip it into what you can do right now to connect the root cause of stress to what your values are.
Oxytocin, one of the hormones given off at times of stress, is also part of what helps to repair and strengthen the heart, NOT weaken it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
UN Study
The higher a nation's stress index, the higher a nation's well being.
The higher the # of people who said they felt stress yesterday, the higher the nations life expectancy and GDP.
Also predicted higher national scores on happiness and satisfaction with life, more people who reported being stressed yesterday, means more satisfied with work, life, and health.
People who lived in countries with high amounts of violence, poverty, or corruption (things we would think of as stressful) didn't have a likely correlation with stress.
2013 stanford and florida state university -
us adults 18-74
asked them ... "Taking all things together, I feel my life is meaningful" yes/no.
What differentiated the people who agreed/disagreed with that statement.
People who had experienced the highest # of stressful events, or considered yesterday stressful were more likely to say their life was meaningful, more than others who had low events.
People with meaningful lives worry more and have more stress than those with less meaningful ones. Why are stress and meaning so linked?
Stress is an inevitable consequence of engaging in roles and pursuing goals that fulfill our sense of purpose:
work
parenting
personal relationships
caregiving
health
34% of people - having a baby is the most stressful event in life (uk)
62% of people - work is biggest source of stress (canada)
Gallup - raising a child under 18 significantly increased the chance that you will experience a major stressful event every day and that you are more likely to say that you smile and laugh every day.
Entrepreneurs who said they experienced a great deal of stress yesterday are also likely to say they learned something new yesterday.
Stress is a sign of how engaged you are in relationships, life, etc.
Most people say they are happier if they are less busy, yet the data shows the opposite is true. Its why retirement increases likelihood of depression in retirees.
UK study - 9000 people over 10 years study. Those who reported highly meaningful lives had 30% reduction in mortality, even after controlling for factors like smoking, health, race, income etc.
Don't fear leading a stressful life.
--------------
Understand people's values!!! Writing them down has had tremendous impact!!
Student Journals -> Have people write their most important values and how the days events vs those who wrote down what made them happy.
----------------
Elite troops who are giving off the most cortisol (due to stress) in high pressure enemy interrogations are less likely to give information, time and time again its been proved that in some instances being too calm under stress doesn't garner the ideal outcome.
-----------------
Your body gives you all the energy you need to fight stress
What action can I take, or choice can I take, that is consistent with my goal...in this moment.
How do you go from "I wish I dind't have to do this," to "I got this" or "getting through this, will help me on my life journey.
-----------------
Wharton Study
How do you relieve time pressure at work (time scarcity) there isn't enough time to get it all done.
Wharton researched tried 2 things:
Gave some people an unexpected windfall of free time and they could do anything else they wanted.
Gave some others with that unexpected windfall, the direction to help someone else.
The researchers then asked them:
How scarce is your time?
Helping others felt that they had more time, than the people who spent more time on themselves, thus lowering their stress. After helping someone else, time as a resource expanded.
Make this a daily practice, find time to help someone else if you aren't already, it will make you feel like you have more time.
Study:
David Yeager (psychologist) - helping students dig into their "beyond the self" mindest intervention.
Take a moment to think about the kind of person you want to be in the future and the positive impact you want to have on people or society. In the space below write a few sentences ... how does doing ________ help you to become the person you want to be, or have the impact you'd like to see in the world or people around you.
After that, Students were given boring and difficult math problems. Those with the beyond the self intervention persisted longer on the difficult problems, and got more math problems right.
Bigger than self goals changes the meaning of "boring" work and academic struggles. The new meaning got them to engage with (vs avoid) the tough math problems.
--------------------------
College advisor study...study of the brain
1st group asked students about their work and problems
2nd group - what is your vision for your future, then went into the tasks / questions.
---------------------------
Increase reslience in employees, role redesign
https://twitter.com/monicaworline
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkt1w...
Write the role, not from tasks and skills, but from a sense of "why", consider the contribution that the person makes to the organization / larger society.
Bus drivers in Louisville - as safety ambassadors, not just bus drivers. saying hello, make eye contact. Made riders felt more comfortable, safe, connected.
Drivers felt more meaning of their work.
-------------------------------------
How much time do you spend giving back to your communities?
Caring creates resilience
Study, people who spent time giving back, 846 men and women in detroit for 5 years. Beginning of study, they were asked how many major negative life events have you experienced in the last year
then asked, how much time have you spent helping friends, neighbors, etc
then they looked in obituaries/death records for those people and found that for those who did not significantly help others, every significant stressful life event increased the risk of dying by 33%
-----------------------------------
Make the invisible, visible
Write on a sheet of paper something you've struggled with that no one would know about you, then each person reads an anonymous slip out, as if it were their own. Helps us to see people as bigger than whatever our relationship w/ them is. Once you name that struggle it is a reminder of common humanity.
Whenever you are in a group, think about whats invisible, also humanizes people.
Chapter 6 - Grow how adversity makes you stronger.
Think of a time in your life of significant personal growth, would you describe this time as stressful as well.
Paradox of stress - Even if we would prefer to have less stress in our lives, its the difficult times that give rise to growth.
When somenoe is stressed, ask them, how culd you use this as an opportunity to grow from?
Think of a time when someone hurt you deeply, the write for 20 minutes about how your life was better as a result of the experience? Even better write their apology to you.
People who watch 6 or more hours of news about the boston marathon bombing were MORE likely to develop PTSD symptoms than people who were actually at the bombing. Watch what stimulus your alow yourself to be exposed to.
This makes me think about social media in general, following people and seeing what they are doing might lead to you thinking your life is less fun, interesting, etc. As your friends grows )on a social network), its more people you get exposed to their vacations, life wins, etc, thus building this feeling of "every time I turn around everyone I know is on vacation, getting XYZ thing, promotion, etc).
Top 5 takeaways:
1 - Stress doesn't kill you, it stress combined with the belief that stress harms your health.
2 - The happiest people in the polls were the people who were highly stress but NOT depressed, they were most likely to be at the ideal crossroads of understanding stress is part of growth, but they didn't let that stress put them into depression.
3 - Happy lives are not stress free. Nor does a stress free life ensure happiness. High levels of stress come along with the things we want, love, purpose, etc.
4 - A meaningful life is also a stressful life.
5 - Writing about values helped them to connect day to day tasks with the meaning of life, small things that might have been irritating, now were part of the path of reaching goals, etc.
Bonus: When you feel stress rising, ask yourself, what are my bigger than self goals and how is this an opportunity to serve them?
-------------------------------------------
1998 study
30k Adults in the US were asked:
how much stress have you experienced in the past year, then they were asked
Do you believe stress is harmful to your health
8 years later they reviewed who of the 30k participants died
High levels of stress increased the risk of dying by 43% in the group, but that increased risk only applied to people who ALSO believed that stress harmed their health.
The people who reported high levels of stress, but didn't believe that stress was harmful, were NOT more likely to die. They actually had the lowest risk of death of people in the study. Even those who reported having low stress.
She has spent her life convincing people that stress was bad for their health.
Chapter 2
The study of maids
How do you build your resources to handle life's challenges, and build resiliency to stress, vs letting them spiral out of control.
Situations you can't control become opportunities to grow.
Stress Mindset Interventions:
Test of telling people this: "If you feel like you don't belong, you are not alone, over time this will change"
As the feeling of not belonging is widespread and stressful, but rarely expressed.
Feeling like you don't belong can change everything you experience.
His Ivy league freshmen read stories from upper classmen (with messages of "this will change over time") in African American Students
The one time intervention improved their health, happiness, and performance over the next 3 years over students who were not selected into the test.
BY graduation those in the group who participated in the group had much higher GPAs, they closed the typical GPA gap between minority and non minority groups at the school.
The intervention changed 2 things
1 - Changes the response to problems, they view them as short lived and just part of the college experience (I was told to expect this)
2 - Those who received the intervention had made closer friendships and were more likely to have found mentors over their time.
Belonging intervention matters!!
The idea that a 30 min intervention could alter the trajectory of someone's life, results in people just not believing its real. They seem too good to be true, but it is. That 30 minute "this is normal" intervention did just that.
They contradict a deeply held belief about change, and how deeply rooted problems are difficult to change.
Small shifts in mindset can set off a cascading effect.
HOw can I change my mindset about stress?
-Acknowledge stress when you see it
-Welcome the stress by recognizing its a response to something you care about
- Don't waste energy managing your stress, flip it into what you can do right now to connect the root cause of stress to what your values are.
Oxytocin, one of the hormones given off at times of stress, is also part of what helps to repair and strengthen the heart, NOT weaken it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
UN Study
The higher a nation's stress index, the higher a nation's well being.
The higher the # of people who said they felt stress yesterday, the higher the nations life expectancy and GDP.
Also predicted higher national scores on happiness and satisfaction with life, more people who reported being stressed yesterday, means more satisfied with work, life, and health.
People who lived in countries with high amounts of violence, poverty, or corruption (things we would think of as stressful) didn't have a likely correlation with stress.
2013 stanford and florida state university -
us adults 18-74
asked them ... "Taking all things together, I feel my life is meaningful" yes/no.
What differentiated the people who agreed/disagreed with that statement.
People who had experienced the highest # of stressful events, or considered yesterday stressful were more likely to say their life was meaningful, more than others who had low events.
People with meaningful lives worry more and have more stress than those with less meaningful ones. Why are stress and meaning so linked?
Stress is an inevitable consequence of engaging in roles and pursuing goals that fulfill our sense of purpose:
work
parenting
personal relationships
caregiving
health
34% of people - having a baby is the most stressful event in life (uk)
62% of people - work is biggest source of stress (canada)
Gallup - raising a child under 18 significantly increased the chance that you will experience a major stressful event every day and that you are more likely to say that you smile and laugh every day.
Entrepreneurs who said they experienced a great deal of stress yesterday are also likely to say they learned something new yesterday.
Stress is a sign of how engaged you are in relationships, life, etc.
Most people say they are happier if they are less busy, yet the data shows the opposite is true. Its why retirement increases likelihood of depression in retirees.
UK study - 9000 people over 10 years study. Those who reported highly meaningful lives had 30% reduction in mortality, even after controlling for factors like smoking, health, race, income etc.
Don't fear leading a stressful life.
--------------
Understand people's values!!! Writing them down has had tremendous impact!!
Student Journals -> Have people write their most important values and how the days events vs those who wrote down what made them happy.
----------------
Elite troops who are giving off the most cortisol (due to stress) in high pressure enemy interrogations are less likely to give information, time and time again its been proved that in some instances being too calm under stress doesn't garner the ideal outcome.
-----------------
Your body gives you all the energy you need to fight stress
What action can I take, or choice can I take, that is consistent with my goal...in this moment.
How do you go from "I wish I dind't have to do this," to "I got this" or "getting through this, will help me on my life journey.
-----------------
Wharton Study
How do you relieve time pressure at work (time scarcity) there isn't enough time to get it all done.
Wharton researched tried 2 things:
Gave some people an unexpected windfall of free time and they could do anything else they wanted.
Gave some others with that unexpected windfall, the direction to help someone else.
The researchers then asked them:
How scarce is your time?
Helping others felt that they had more time, than the people who spent more time on themselves, thus lowering their stress. After helping someone else, time as a resource expanded.
Make this a daily practice, find time to help someone else if you aren't already, it will make you feel like you have more time.
Study:
David Yeager (psychologist) - helping students dig into their "beyond the self" mindest intervention.
Take a moment to think about the kind of person you want to be in the future and the positive impact you want to have on people or society. In the space below write a few sentences ... how does doing ________ help you to become the person you want to be, or have the impact you'd like to see in the world or people around you.
After that, Students were given boring and difficult math problems. Those with the beyond the self intervention persisted longer on the difficult problems, and got more math problems right.
Bigger than self goals changes the meaning of "boring" work and academic struggles. The new meaning got them to engage with (vs avoid) the tough math problems.
--------------------------
College advisor study...study of the brain
1st group asked students about their work and problems
2nd group - what is your vision for your future, then went into the tasks / questions.
---------------------------
Increase reslience in employees, role redesign
https://twitter.com/monicaworline
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkt1w...
Write the role, not from tasks and skills, but from a sense of "why", consider the contribution that the person makes to the organization / larger society.
Bus drivers in Louisville - as safety ambassadors, not just bus drivers. saying hello, make eye contact. Made riders felt more comfortable, safe, connected.
Drivers felt more meaning of their work.
-------------------------------------
How much time do you spend giving back to your communities?
Caring creates resilience
Study, people who spent time giving back, 846 men and women in detroit for 5 years. Beginning of study, they were asked how many major negative life events have you experienced in the last year
then asked, how much time have you spent helping friends, neighbors, etc
then they looked in obituaries/death records for those people and found that for those who did not significantly help others, every significant stressful life event increased the risk of dying by 33%
-----------------------------------
Make the invisible, visible
Write on a sheet of paper something you've struggled with that no one would know about you, then each person reads an anonymous slip out, as if it were their own. Helps us to see people as bigger than whatever our relationship w/ them is. Once you name that struggle it is a reminder of common humanity.
Whenever you are in a group, think about whats invisible, also humanizes people.
Chapter 6 - Grow how adversity makes you stronger.
Think of a time in your life of significant personal growth, would you describe this time as stressful as well.
Paradox of stress - Even if we would prefer to have less stress in our lives, its the difficult times that give rise to growth.
When somenoe is stressed, ask them, how culd you use this as an opportunity to grow from?
Think of a time when someone hurt you deeply, the write for 20 minutes about how your life was better as a result of the experience? Even better write their apology to you.
People who watch 6 or more hours of news about the boston marathon bombing were MORE likely to develop PTSD symptoms than people who were actually at the bombing. Watch what stimulus your alow yourself to be exposed to.
This makes me think about social media in general, following people and seeing what they are doing might lead to you thinking your life is less fun, interesting, etc. As your friends grows )on a social network), its more people you get exposed to their vacations, life wins, etc, thus building this feeling of "every time I turn around everyone I know is on vacation, getting XYZ thing, promotion, etc).
October 20, 2016
Turns out that we got it all wrong when it comes to stress. I first found about the book through her TED talk titled "How To Make Stress Your Friend". Also you might have heard of Kelly before through her first book "The Willpower Instinct" which changed the way we think about willpower. I can safely say that The Upside of Stress is as groundbreaking as The Willpower Instinct. For me the most interesting part of this book was the research with professional athletes where they realized that these people were actually A LOT more stressed than the beginners but they used their stress to fuel optimal performance. So it comes back at that ability to utilize stress to enter a state of Flow, and even smaller amounts of it can be beneficial when learning or performing any skill. Another interesting part of the book is the health consequences of framing stress as harmful vs helpful: As the author says "this could even mean the difference between having a heart attack at 50 or living into your 90s". The big idea of the book is that avoiding stress can hurt you physically and mentally, whereas high stress can be good for you to achieve happiness and great performance. And by simply re-framing the stress as "excitement" you can turn it into a powerful asset on your journey of becoming the best version of yourself. I'd highly recommend you to check this book out if you feel like you have to "deal with stress" a lot in your life and that stress is holding you back in life.
August 31, 2019
five stars topic-wise, three stars book-wise. topic-wise: took a belief i've had trouble with ("stress is bad") and made a good argument against it. book-wise: i ended up skimming more as i read and found it tough to pay attention to the millionth study showing stress is (spoiler!!) not bad
memorable:
* the first scientific claims on stress come from experiments on rats in which they were pretty much abused -- aka foundational takes on stress do not abstract well to daily stress (unless you are repeatedly electrocuted)
* "helping someone else decreased people’s feeling of time scarcity more than actually giving them extra time did."
* "90 percent of the published research on stress was conducted on males." -- research that followed this discovery shows that the female stress response leans more towards being compassionate, caring and trusting than the male stress response
memorable:
* the first scientific claims on stress come from experiments on rats in which they were pretty much abused -- aka foundational takes on stress do not abstract well to daily stress (unless you are repeatedly electrocuted)
* "helping someone else decreased people’s feeling of time scarcity more than actually giving them extra time did."
* "90 percent of the published research on stress was conducted on males." -- research that followed this discovery shows that the female stress response leans more towards being compassionate, caring and trusting than the male stress response
September 1, 2016
The idea this book conveys (through a survey of studies and stories) is not bad and could be considered even surprising: stress is not bad by itself, but our (bad) perception of it is. However, I do not see why 304 pages are needed to transmit the idea. In addition, I do not think it engages the reader in any way.
January 9, 2020
Summary: A solidly written argument with a good mix of science and anecdotal details on the topic. Easy prose. Lots of examples.
The view on stress is killing all of us. I wish I'd read this earlier. It would have reiterated why mindset is so important and how it feels to have the wrong one. Here are my notes:
p. 9 She describes the science that suggests that high levels of stress increased risk of dying by 43%, but what the study fails to point out is that those with high stress, but a belief that stress isn't bad, were the lowest correlated to having negative stress-related health issues. It's the combo of stress and believing its bad is what kills.
p.10 if you have a positive view of aging at midlife, you tend to live 7.6% longer according to some studies.
p. 65 - The Stress Paradox. Higher levels of stress go with both distress and well-being. Happy people have notably high levels of stress because it goes with achievement.
p. 66 - "In fact, every measure of stress that researchers asked about predicted a greater sense of meaning in life. People who had experienced the highest number of stressful life events in the past were most likely to consider their lives meaningful."
p. 81 - They talk about studies on stress avoidance. Apparently, this relates to negative feelings about stress. People who do this are most likely to be depressed or experience the negative effects of stress. It's called the vicious cycle of stress generation. You end up creating more sources of stress while depleting the resources that should be supporting you.
p. 96 - The adage that anxiety causes underperformance just manifests underperformance. If you want someone to not underperform, you just tell them you believe they can handle it. This allows them to use that stress as power instead of as negative power. Wow. Very cool. The anxiety-avoidance cycle in other words does not work.
p. 107 - People report that because they do not need to waste energy in avoiding anxiety, they actually perform better.
p. 109 - "Among people with an anxiety disorder who were encouraged to embrace their anxiety, a stronger physical stress response was associated with more confidence and better performance under pressure and social scrutiny." It goes on to say that even when anxiety is a problem, embracing it still shows to help.
p. 114 - Embracing stress is a radical form of self-trust.
p. 136 - Mindset of stress can create isolation or it can create common humanity
Bad feelings include:
1) When I'm down, other people are all happier than me.
2) When I struggle, other people are having an easier time (better)
vs.
3) When I'm down, I remind myself that others in the world feel like I do.
4) When things are going bad, I see difficulties as something everyone goes through.
p. 161 - Trauma. Bad, but can be good b/c it long term can also lead to these thoughts:
a) A greater sense of closeness and compassion
b) Discovery that you are stronger than you thought
c) Appreciation for the value of your life
d) A stronger religious or spiritual faith
e) New path for life
p. 172 - Those who survive trauma can inspire others. There really is a thing called vicarious trauma.
p. 177 Bad stress does this:
a) Makes you feel inadequate
b) Isolates you from others
c) Feels meaningless and against your will
The opposite is confidence/courage, connection, meaning
Really great advice for those that might be under stress or helping friends and loved ones through intense stress.
The view on stress is killing all of us. I wish I'd read this earlier. It would have reiterated why mindset is so important and how it feels to have the wrong one. Here are my notes:
p. 9 She describes the science that suggests that high levels of stress increased risk of dying by 43%, but what the study fails to point out is that those with high stress, but a belief that stress isn't bad, were the lowest correlated to having negative stress-related health issues. It's the combo of stress and believing its bad is what kills.
p.10 if you have a positive view of aging at midlife, you tend to live 7.6% longer according to some studies.
p. 65 - The Stress Paradox. Higher levels of stress go with both distress and well-being. Happy people have notably high levels of stress because it goes with achievement.
p. 66 - "In fact, every measure of stress that researchers asked about predicted a greater sense of meaning in life. People who had experienced the highest number of stressful life events in the past were most likely to consider their lives meaningful."
p. 81 - They talk about studies on stress avoidance. Apparently, this relates to negative feelings about stress. People who do this are most likely to be depressed or experience the negative effects of stress. It's called the vicious cycle of stress generation. You end up creating more sources of stress while depleting the resources that should be supporting you.
p. 96 - The adage that anxiety causes underperformance just manifests underperformance. If you want someone to not underperform, you just tell them you believe they can handle it. This allows them to use that stress as power instead of as negative power. Wow. Very cool. The anxiety-avoidance cycle in other words does not work.
p. 107 - People report that because they do not need to waste energy in avoiding anxiety, they actually perform better.
p. 109 - "Among people with an anxiety disorder who were encouraged to embrace their anxiety, a stronger physical stress response was associated with more confidence and better performance under pressure and social scrutiny." It goes on to say that even when anxiety is a problem, embracing it still shows to help.
p. 114 - Embracing stress is a radical form of self-trust.
p. 136 - Mindset of stress can create isolation or it can create common humanity
Bad feelings include:
1) When I'm down, other people are all happier than me.
2) When I struggle, other people are having an easier time (better)
vs.
3) When I'm down, I remind myself that others in the world feel like I do.
4) When things are going bad, I see difficulties as something everyone goes through.
p. 161 - Trauma. Bad, but can be good b/c it long term can also lead to these thoughts:
a) A greater sense of closeness and compassion
b) Discovery that you are stronger than you thought
c) Appreciation for the value of your life
d) A stronger religious or spiritual faith
e) New path for life
p. 172 - Those who survive trauma can inspire others. There really is a thing called vicarious trauma.
p. 177 Bad stress does this:
a) Makes you feel inadequate
b) Isolates you from others
c) Feels meaningless and against your will
The opposite is confidence/courage, connection, meaning
Really great advice for those that might be under stress or helping friends and loved ones through intense stress.
December 31, 2015
(I read this as part of my personal life, not as a professional critic, which is why this review does not appear at the website of my arts center, CCLaP.)
I randomly stumbled across this book at my neighborhood library a couple of weeks ago, not knowing anything about it or about McGonigal herself; I end up reading a lot of psychology books this way, to tell you the truth, and have a sort of hit-or-miss experience with them because of it. This one turned out to be really smart, but only if you can accept the central premise -- that the definition of what we collectively call "stress" has become way too large and all-encompassing in our modern times, and that if you really boil down your legitimately "stressful" experiences based on how McGonigal defines it here (as the condition we experience when something we care about is at risk, with the intensity of that experience directly related to how much we care about it), then it's easy to see that stress is actually a good thing in our lives, and is basically the same emotion we experience when we're on a date with someone we really like, when we're an athlete about to start a competition, when we're a voluntarily public speaker about to step on a stage, etc. Or in other words, "legitimate" stress is often redefined by us as "excitement" depending on the situation, an opportunity we have with any stressful situation; and when we're anxious about things that aren't "legitimate" stress (when we get down about blowhard politicians, when we get frustrated about traffic, etc), we need to acknowledge that this isn't actually "stress" from a medical standpoint and be able to understand it for what those experiences are.
It's a tough jump to make with what McGonigal is saying, admittedly, because at first it sounds an awful lot like the dangerous sham book "The Secret" -- if you just believe in this new definition of stress enough, it will magically come true! -- but I have to say, as an atheist and a skeptic, I really appreciated all the hard data that McGonigal brings to this book, and especially appreciated her admitting that she was at first as skeptical as I was when initially stumbling across this new way to think about stress as part of her studies at Stanford. A book that ties in closely to the "growth mindset" theory that I studied at DevBootcamp earlier this year, I have to confess that I'm really intrigued to see how this new way of looking at anxiety is going to sit with me as 2016 continues. Definitely worth your time, although I will refrain from telling you definitively whether you yourself should buy what McGonigal is selling here.
I randomly stumbled across this book at my neighborhood library a couple of weeks ago, not knowing anything about it or about McGonigal herself; I end up reading a lot of psychology books this way, to tell you the truth, and have a sort of hit-or-miss experience with them because of it. This one turned out to be really smart, but only if you can accept the central premise -- that the definition of what we collectively call "stress" has become way too large and all-encompassing in our modern times, and that if you really boil down your legitimately "stressful" experiences based on how McGonigal defines it here (as the condition we experience when something we care about is at risk, with the intensity of that experience directly related to how much we care about it), then it's easy to see that stress is actually a good thing in our lives, and is basically the same emotion we experience when we're on a date with someone we really like, when we're an athlete about to start a competition, when we're a voluntarily public speaker about to step on a stage, etc. Or in other words, "legitimate" stress is often redefined by us as "excitement" depending on the situation, an opportunity we have with any stressful situation; and when we're anxious about things that aren't "legitimate" stress (when we get down about blowhard politicians, when we get frustrated about traffic, etc), we need to acknowledge that this isn't actually "stress" from a medical standpoint and be able to understand it for what those experiences are.
It's a tough jump to make with what McGonigal is saying, admittedly, because at first it sounds an awful lot like the dangerous sham book "The Secret" -- if you just believe in this new definition of stress enough, it will magically come true! -- but I have to say, as an atheist and a skeptic, I really appreciated all the hard data that McGonigal brings to this book, and especially appreciated her admitting that she was at first as skeptical as I was when initially stumbling across this new way to think about stress as part of her studies at Stanford. A book that ties in closely to the "growth mindset" theory that I studied at DevBootcamp earlier this year, I have to confess that I'm really intrigued to see how this new way of looking at anxiety is going to sit with me as 2016 continues. Definitely worth your time, although I will refrain from telling you definitively whether you yourself should buy what McGonigal is selling here.
April 22, 2018
Very similar to **Mindset** by Carol Dweck, with one main point that stayed with me:
Only when you expect stress to kill you, or at least harm you, it will. Otherwise, there is no significant impact of stress.
Only when you expect stress to kill you, or at least harm you, it will. Otherwise, there is no significant impact of stress.
December 22, 2019
I enjoyed this book. As a PhD student working on a highly inductive and unsure project, I have a lot of stress. The recommendations, as well as the science and stories made this a giving book. I am, however, a sociologist, and I found myself endlessly frustrated with the invisible variables and weak consideration of class—specifically poverty. As an academic, yes, a stressful life is a giving life. As a single parent working multiple hours for minimum wage, that's a harder argument to make.
What worries me is twofold: 1) that psychologists aren't bothering to take these variables into consideration, which would be really bad research, since the research on class and health outcomes is well established, and one of the arguments for such different outcomes is that wealthy people simply experience less stress; but 2) by individualizing stress outcomes, one can ideologically argue that people are at fault for their own negative health outcomes. I'm not arguing that this is what McGonigal is saying, but it is a logical conclusion based on her arguments. Stronger consideration of the broader society and other stressers needs consideration before I am entirely convinced. Even though I see meaningful changes in my own life, I am still just an n of 1.
What worries me is twofold: 1) that psychologists aren't bothering to take these variables into consideration, which would be really bad research, since the research on class and health outcomes is well established, and one of the arguments for such different outcomes is that wealthy people simply experience less stress; but 2) by individualizing stress outcomes, one can ideologically argue that people are at fault for their own negative health outcomes. I'm not arguing that this is what McGonigal is saying, but it is a logical conclusion based on her arguments. Stronger consideration of the broader society and other stressers needs consideration before I am entirely convinced. Even though I see meaningful changes in my own life, I am still just an n of 1.
September 24, 2019
The first 2/3 was super insightful and will change the way I cope with situations. I will definitely listen to this again.
December 20, 2020
Since I remember I have been struggling to figure out how to connect three seemingly contradictory beliefs of mine:
1. The amount of stress you have in your life is directly correlated with the amount of achievement.
2. Long term effects of stress are detrimental to your health.
3. People who say "what doesn't kill you is going to make you stronger" long enough will end up in wheelchairs.
This book aligned those three beliefs in a coherent way. It's rare to read a good book on social sciences in our current crisis of pop psychology, nonreplicable experiments, and a flood of charlatans and ideologies in academia. This is a nice exception to the rule.
1. The amount of stress you have in your life is directly correlated with the amount of achievement.
2. Long term effects of stress are detrimental to your health.
3. People who say "what doesn't kill you is going to make you stronger" long enough will end up in wheelchairs.
This book aligned those three beliefs in a coherent way. It's rare to read a good book on social sciences in our current crisis of pop psychology, nonreplicable experiments, and a flood of charlatans and ideologies in academia. This is a nice exception to the rule.
March 9, 2023
I’ve been told all my life that stress is bad for you. As I’ve been learning more about hormones and how they exacerbated by stress, I’ve heard professionals recommend that you “get rid of stress”.
This book is a helpful because it shows research on how perception of stress changes the outputs of stress. Our bodies are programmed to respond in certain ways when we’re in stressful situations and those responses may seem bad, but they’re actually helpful techniques. The body is designed so perfectly turns out.
In a world surrounded by stress, small attitude changes can really have an impact in the long term. Definitely a new favorite that everyone should read as they try to manage life.
This book is a helpful because it shows research on how perception of stress changes the outputs of stress. Our bodies are programmed to respond in certain ways when we’re in stressful situations and those responses may seem bad, but they’re actually helpful techniques. The body is designed so perfectly turns out.
In a world surrounded by stress, small attitude changes can really have an impact in the long term. Definitely a new favorite that everyone should read as they try to manage life.
November 18, 2017
I am so glad to have met this book at a time when my stress level probably was the highest in my life. The ways of thinking that I want to incorporate in my mindset have hopefully sunken into my unconsciousness by now, which would definitely help me become more resilient than before the stressful event had occurred.
I intend to go back to the book once in a while to strengthen myself even more and put the precious exercise tips into practice, so that eventually, I would be able to tell myself that I have grown because of facing stress, not by avoiding it.
I really appreciate the guiding light that Dr. McGonigal had shone on me. You have lightened my path to post traumatic growth. I am now stronger than I have ever imagined I could become and will be even more so in the years to come.
I intend to go back to the book once in a while to strengthen myself even more and put the precious exercise tips into practice, so that eventually, I would be able to tell myself that I have grown because of facing stress, not by avoiding it.
I really appreciate the guiding light that Dr. McGonigal had shone on me. You have lightened my path to post traumatic growth. I am now stronger than I have ever imagined I could become and will be even more so in the years to come.
July 13, 2020
If I were to summarize this book into a single sentence, it would be this: "Change your perception of viewing stress as detrimental to your life and health. Rather, be aware of the energy it creates & use it to your advantage, reflect on the way it can transform your life every single time"
A very neatly put book with very relevant exercises to use stress to your advantage.
A big thanks to Mr. @Roni Matar for suggesting me this book. It so happened that this guy saw one of my grave comments on an awful book called The Rainbow machine and suggested this one as an antidote for understanding stress better.
A very neatly put book with very relevant exercises to use stress to your advantage.
A big thanks to Mr. @Roni Matar for suggesting me this book. It so happened that this guy saw one of my grave comments on an awful book called The Rainbow machine and suggested this one as an antidote for understanding stress better.
January 5, 2018
If I could, I would have given this book 6 stars or more. It's been really eye opening to learn how our attitude (mindset) can have an impact on how our body behaves. As a bonus, it certainly changed my view of stress.
July 2, 2015
Original review at The Fictional Reader
REVIEW
When I saw this book on Edelweiss, I requested it immediately. I had watched Kelly McGonigal’s Ted Talk before and found it to be incredibly interesting. However, Ted Talks are always quite short and I wanted to hear so much more on this topic. I have to say that this book did not disappoint.
In this day and age, I’m pretty sure that every single person can benefit from reading this book. We all have quite busy lives trying to fit so much in 24 hours. And with that comes the inevitable amount of stress we all face from time to time. For me personally, stress often comes from university. Juggling the weekly schedule with blogging -and my social life- already causes a tiny amount of stress, but by the last two months of the semester, all hell always breaks loose. In this semester, I had to write 9 papers which were all due in the same 2 weeks. And of course, I had to prepare for exams and blog at the same time. At that point in time, I felt so stressed out, I wanted to cry.
This book guys. It should become to go-to book for anyone who has ever felt overwhelmed at a certain moment. Kelly McGonigal has collected information on tons of research done on the subject, and explains it in a simple and understandable way. The basic focus of the book is how our mindset affects absolutely everything in our life -but also how our body reacts. For example, those who have a positive mindset towards aging -who see it as a good thing- tend to live around 6 to 7 years longer. WHAT? Just by thinking, and truly believing in something, we can make our body react to it. Isn’t that incredible?
While this book hasn’t changed my mindset on stress immediately –which let’s face it, is impossible– it has definitely had a positive influence on it. When I now think “I’m so stressed I want to cry!”, I stop and remind myself that I’m only feeling stressed because I care. And that I can harness the stress to perform even better. So I think that over time, in practicing this, this book will have such a positive influence on my life! I’m glad I read it when I’m still so young –yes, I’m 20, that’s still young OKAY.
I always have certain doubts when I read so-called self-help books. Just because someone makes a statement, doesn’t make it true! So why should I believe them? But I didn’t have to worry about it with this book The Upside of Stress is based on tons of scientific research. McGonigal explains the research, how it was done, what the test subjects were and what they ultimately found out. Sharing every part of research is what makes it truly believable to me. I guess I am a “I’ll believe it when I see it” kind of person. But McGonigal truly did her research on the subject and it was so fascinating! That is why I believe her conclusions, why I believe that stress can truly have an upside now. Because it was shown to me through science. I’m not much of a faith person..
Lastly, I want to add that this books isn’t just about stress. It also talks about resilience, fear, (social) anxiety, happiness, caring for others and so on. It shows you how kindness can affect our lives -and more than just through karma. It taught me a lot about my fears, and how I should not let my life be ruled by them.
I highly recommend this book -if you hadn’t noticed- and I hope that if you do pick it up, it will have a positive influence on your life as well. No matter how big or small, an improvement is an improvement.
To end my review, I’ll leave you with Kelly McGonigal’s Ted Talk. If you are interested, I’d recommend watching it so you can decide whether you want to go on and read the book. Or if you do read the book, go for the audiobook! It’s really great.
★★★★★
REVIEW
When I saw this book on Edelweiss, I requested it immediately. I had watched Kelly McGonigal’s Ted Talk before and found it to be incredibly interesting. However, Ted Talks are always quite short and I wanted to hear so much more on this topic. I have to say that this book did not disappoint.
In this day and age, I’m pretty sure that every single person can benefit from reading this book. We all have quite busy lives trying to fit so much in 24 hours. And with that comes the inevitable amount of stress we all face from time to time. For me personally, stress often comes from university. Juggling the weekly schedule with blogging -and my social life- already causes a tiny amount of stress, but by the last two months of the semester, all hell always breaks loose. In this semester, I had to write 9 papers which were all due in the same 2 weeks. And of course, I had to prepare for exams and blog at the same time. At that point in time, I felt so stressed out, I wanted to cry.
This book guys. It should become to go-to book for anyone who has ever felt overwhelmed at a certain moment. Kelly McGonigal has collected information on tons of research done on the subject, and explains it in a simple and understandable way. The basic focus of the book is how our mindset affects absolutely everything in our life -but also how our body reacts. For example, those who have a positive mindset towards aging -who see it as a good thing- tend to live around 6 to 7 years longer. WHAT? Just by thinking, and truly believing in something, we can make our body react to it. Isn’t that incredible?
While this book hasn’t changed my mindset on stress immediately –which let’s face it, is impossible– it has definitely had a positive influence on it. When I now think “I’m so stressed I want to cry!”, I stop and remind myself that I’m only feeling stressed because I care. And that I can harness the stress to perform even better. So I think that over time, in practicing this, this book will have such a positive influence on my life! I’m glad I read it when I’m still so young –yes, I’m 20, that’s still young OKAY.
I always have certain doubts when I read so-called self-help books. Just because someone makes a statement, doesn’t make it true! So why should I believe them? But I didn’t have to worry about it with this book The Upside of Stress is based on tons of scientific research. McGonigal explains the research, how it was done, what the test subjects were and what they ultimately found out. Sharing every part of research is what makes it truly believable to me. I guess I am a “I’ll believe it when I see it” kind of person. But McGonigal truly did her research on the subject and it was so fascinating! That is why I believe her conclusions, why I believe that stress can truly have an upside now. Because it was shown to me through science. I’m not much of a faith person..
Lastly, I want to add that this books isn’t just about stress. It also talks about resilience, fear, (social) anxiety, happiness, caring for others and so on. It shows you how kindness can affect our lives -and more than just through karma. It taught me a lot about my fears, and how I should not let my life be ruled by them.
I highly recommend this book -if you hadn’t noticed- and I hope that if you do pick it up, it will have a positive influence on your life as well. No matter how big or small, an improvement is an improvement.
To end my review, I’ll leave you with Kelly McGonigal’s Ted Talk. If you are interested, I’d recommend watching it so you can decide whether you want to go on and read the book. Or if you do read the book, go for the audiobook! It’s really great.
★★★★★
September 28, 2023
TL;DR
The belief that stress is harmful is more harmful than the stress itself.
SUMMARY
I used to believe all stress was inherently harmful. I had read studies about the negative physical effects of stress on the human mind and body. But, in fact, Dr. McGonigal's research finds that the belief that stress is harmful is more harmful than the stress itself. Depending on how you react to it, stress can be beneficial.
McGonigal asserts that there are three types of responses to stress:
1. The Threat Response: When the situation is dangerous and your brain floods with “flight or fight” performance-enhancing chemicals. (Note: If your brain tells you that you are constantly in danger, you’re organs will eventually shrivel up and you’ll die.)
2. The Challenge Response: When the situation is demanding and you need to rise to the occasion. Your brain still releases performance-enhancing chemicals, but in healthy amounts.
3. The Tend-and-Befriend Response: When the situation is dangerous and or demanding and you need to (a) seek assistance or (b) assist another. This response actually makes you healthier.
All of these are adaptive, normal stress responses.
REVIEW
Dr. McGonigal's message helped me climb my own Mount Everest (Ph.D. dissertation, 2017-2021). However, I can also see how McGonigal’s message could make some readers (those who have experienced PTSD and other forms of intense or chronic stress) feel invalidated and even ashamed for not "choosing a growth mindset."
Her purpose is to celebrate the potential benefits of stress by illustrating how some people harness those emotions in empowering ways.
My understanding is that McGonigal believes there is only one kind of stress. I wonder what she believes about what researchers call eustress: A healthful, stimulating kind and level of stress. Is that just a healthy stress response in disguise?
This read was fascinating for me. But if I were you, I would start with her TED Talk on the topic and pick this up if you still want more.
The belief that stress is harmful is more harmful than the stress itself.
SUMMARY
I used to believe all stress was inherently harmful. I had read studies about the negative physical effects of stress on the human mind and body. But, in fact, Dr. McGonigal's research finds that the belief that stress is harmful is more harmful than the stress itself. Depending on how you react to it, stress can be beneficial.
McGonigal asserts that there are three types of responses to stress:
1. The Threat Response: When the situation is dangerous and your brain floods with “flight or fight” performance-enhancing chemicals. (Note: If your brain tells you that you are constantly in danger, you’re organs will eventually shrivel up and you’ll die.)
2. The Challenge Response: When the situation is demanding and you need to rise to the occasion. Your brain still releases performance-enhancing chemicals, but in healthy amounts.
3. The Tend-and-Befriend Response: When the situation is dangerous and or demanding and you need to (a) seek assistance or (b) assist another. This response actually makes you healthier.
All of these are adaptive, normal stress responses.
REVIEW
Dr. McGonigal's message helped me climb my own Mount Everest (Ph.D. dissertation, 2017-2021). However, I can also see how McGonigal’s message could make some readers (those who have experienced PTSD and other forms of intense or chronic stress) feel invalidated and even ashamed for not "choosing a growth mindset."
Her purpose is to celebrate the potential benefits of stress by illustrating how some people harness those emotions in empowering ways.
My understanding is that McGonigal believes there is only one kind of stress. I wonder what she believes about what researchers call eustress: A healthful, stimulating kind and level of stress. Is that just a healthy stress response in disguise?
This read was fascinating for me. But if I were you, I would start with her TED Talk on the topic and pick this up if you still want more.
January 12, 2021
Amazing how this book refuses to acknowledge some of the most important factors in stress and it's appraisal - race and class. No mention of the foundational Whitehall study. No mention of all of the data we have showing that black mothers suffer more stress in pregnancy, contributing to lower birth weights when talking about a very small study about how stress may have had a positive impact for assumedly white women.
I think this omission of a widely accepted and vast area of study on health disparities and stress is very telling. I read that an excerpt of this was published in the WSJ, which makes a lot of sense. If stress is a matter of mindset, does it really matter if American workers and workers globally have been squeezed tighter and tighter over the past 20 years? No. Not at all. As per usual, the onus is on the individual not on society or the government to prevent the stress of capitalism from killing you.
I think this omission of a widely accepted and vast area of study on health disparities and stress is very telling. I read that an excerpt of this was published in the WSJ, which makes a lot of sense. If stress is a matter of mindset, does it really matter if American workers and workers globally have been squeezed tighter and tighter over the past 20 years? No. Not at all. As per usual, the onus is on the individual not on society or the government to prevent the stress of capitalism from killing you.
July 6, 2019
I started this book thinking that I’d end up rating it 5 stars. The first few chapters were amazing, and it really began to resonate with me. I spent time thinking about how I could use this at work to help others. And then, it went absolutely nowhere. It became an endless series of stories about people rethinking stress. And endless study after study proving her point. If you’re interested in the subject, watch her TED talk. Or just read the first few chapters. Honestly, this book became agonizing to read.
January 16, 2019
Way too long and rather poorly written, 3/4 of the book could have been cut out. Also not much new information for me.
August 4, 2023
2023-08-04:
Title: “the upside of stress - why stress is good for you and how to get good at it.”
Author: Kelly McGonigal, PhD
Published 2015, penguin paperback
The author: Kelly M. is a health psychologist and lecturer at Stanford university. A leader in the field of “science help” she has a TED talk with more than 9 million views.
Contents:
Part 1: rethink stress
• How to change your mind about stress
• Beyond fight-or-flight
• A meaningful life is a stressful life
Part 2: transform stress
• What does it mean to be good at stress?
• Engage: how anxiety helps you rise to the challenge
• Connect: how caring creates resilience
• Grow: how adversity makes you stronger
Definition:
Kelly offers this definition of stress:
”Stress is what arises when something you care about is at stake.”
What it means to be good at stress:
“The courage to grow from stress, meaning resilience.”
Big takeaway
The effect you expect is the effect you get. Expectations and mindsets are important.
For example see housekeeping as keeping in better shape physically by simply moving around. Embrace the anxiety and say “I am excited”.
Quotes:
“High levels of stress increased the risk of dying by 43%. But - and this is what got my attention - that increased risk applied only to people who also believed that stress was harming their health. People who reported high levels of stress but who did not view their stress as harmful were not more likely to die. In fact, they had the lowest risk of death of anyone in the study, even lower than those who reported experiencing very little stress.”
(Tell yourself before an exam)
“People think that feeling anxious while taking a standardized test will make them do poorly. However, recent research suggests that stress doesn’t hurt performance on these tests and can even help performance. People who feel anxious during a test might actually do better. This means that you shouldn’t feel concerned if you do feel anxious while taking today’s test. If you find yourself feeling anxious, simply remind yourself that your stress could be helping you do well.”
(Tell yourself)
”You are the kind of person whose performance improves under pressure.”
Questions
• Transform stress: What are my bigger-than-self goals? What kind of positive impact do you want to have on the people around you?
What do you want to contribute to the world?
• How much do you agree to the following statement: Taking all things together, I feel my life is meaningful
• What brings meaning to your life? Write down meaningful roles, relationships, activities and goals. Why is this important to you? What would your life be like if you lost this source or meaning?
• What is the cost of avoiding stress? To have a meaningful life means a stressful life? Is the cost of a more comfortable life to have less meaning?
• What good can come from feeling stress? How can you change your mindset?
Three takeaways:
1. Take the energy from anxiety to fuel your performance; tell yourself “ I am excited!” -that any anxiety you are feeling can help you to handle any obstacle in your way. You want a certain level of stress. The myth of stress is that stress = bad.
2. A meaningful life is a stressful life. Having children is of course stressful but it’s meaningful. Meaning —> stress
3. A meaningful life reduces mortality. Busyness and stress doesn’t kill you - no. A decrease in busyness can explain 40% increase risk for depression after retirement. (Very important)
For example, in a study that followed over 9000 adults in the UK for 10 years those who reported higher meaningful lives at 30% reduction in mortality this reduced risk of even after controlling factors including education as well as depression or health behaviors such as smoking ..
Surprising facts
• There is a myth that stress is harmful and instead you should be able to use stress as energy.
• If you have a mindset intervention the effects from it can last even a month or longer.
• The mindset that experiencing stress enhances my performance and productivity, that experiencing stress improves my health and vitality, that experiencing stress facilitates my learning and growth. Also the affects of stress are positive - that should be utilized.
• The key: Stress is what arises when something you care about is at stake. Butterflies are your guts way of saying, “this matters”. Let yourself remember why this particular moment matters to you.
• Say it’s a “challenge” rather than problem etc.
Short summary
This book shows how scientific findings in psychology help you to handle stress in your life in a positive way, and how stress can be good for you. People with stressful lives have meaningful lives and you can use the butterflies in your guts as energy to perform better for example on an exam. A meaningful life reduces mortality by as much as 30% compared with less meaning in your life. The myth is that stress is harmful and a better way to think might be to take the energy from your body preparing for a challenge as fuel. Your body is saying “this matters”. Embrace the anxiety and say “I am excited”.
Title: “the upside of stress - why stress is good for you and how to get good at it.”
Author: Kelly McGonigal, PhD
Published 2015, penguin paperback
The author: Kelly M. is a health psychologist and lecturer at Stanford university. A leader in the field of “science help” she has a TED talk with more than 9 million views.
Contents:
Part 1: rethink stress
• How to change your mind about stress
• Beyond fight-or-flight
• A meaningful life is a stressful life
Part 2: transform stress
• What does it mean to be good at stress?
• Engage: how anxiety helps you rise to the challenge
• Connect: how caring creates resilience
• Grow: how adversity makes you stronger
Definition:
Kelly offers this definition of stress:
”Stress is what arises when something you care about is at stake.”
What it means to be good at stress:
“The courage to grow from stress, meaning resilience.”
Big takeaway
The effect you expect is the effect you get. Expectations and mindsets are important.
For example see housekeeping as keeping in better shape physically by simply moving around. Embrace the anxiety and say “I am excited”.
Quotes:
“High levels of stress increased the risk of dying by 43%. But - and this is what got my attention - that increased risk applied only to people who also believed that stress was harming their health. People who reported high levels of stress but who did not view their stress as harmful were not more likely to die. In fact, they had the lowest risk of death of anyone in the study, even lower than those who reported experiencing very little stress.”
(Tell yourself before an exam)
“People think that feeling anxious while taking a standardized test will make them do poorly. However, recent research suggests that stress doesn’t hurt performance on these tests and can even help performance. People who feel anxious during a test might actually do better. This means that you shouldn’t feel concerned if you do feel anxious while taking today’s test. If you find yourself feeling anxious, simply remind yourself that your stress could be helping you do well.”
(Tell yourself)
”You are the kind of person whose performance improves under pressure.”
Questions
• Transform stress: What are my bigger-than-self goals? What kind of positive impact do you want to have on the people around you?
What do you want to contribute to the world?
• How much do you agree to the following statement: Taking all things together, I feel my life is meaningful
• What brings meaning to your life? Write down meaningful roles, relationships, activities and goals. Why is this important to you? What would your life be like if you lost this source or meaning?
• What is the cost of avoiding stress? To have a meaningful life means a stressful life? Is the cost of a more comfortable life to have less meaning?
• What good can come from feeling stress? How can you change your mindset?
Three takeaways:
1. Take the energy from anxiety to fuel your performance; tell yourself “ I am excited!” -that any anxiety you are feeling can help you to handle any obstacle in your way. You want a certain level of stress. The myth of stress is that stress = bad.
2. A meaningful life is a stressful life. Having children is of course stressful but it’s meaningful. Meaning —> stress
3. A meaningful life reduces mortality. Busyness and stress doesn’t kill you - no. A decrease in busyness can explain 40% increase risk for depression after retirement. (Very important)
For example, in a study that followed over 9000 adults in the UK for 10 years those who reported higher meaningful lives at 30% reduction in mortality this reduced risk of even after controlling factors including education as well as depression or health behaviors such as smoking ..
Surprising facts
• There is a myth that stress is harmful and instead you should be able to use stress as energy.
• If you have a mindset intervention the effects from it can last even a month or longer.
• The mindset that experiencing stress enhances my performance and productivity, that experiencing stress improves my health and vitality, that experiencing stress facilitates my learning and growth. Also the affects of stress are positive - that should be utilized.
• The key: Stress is what arises when something you care about is at stake. Butterflies are your guts way of saying, “this matters”. Let yourself remember why this particular moment matters to you.
• Say it’s a “challenge” rather than problem etc.
Short summary
This book shows how scientific findings in psychology help you to handle stress in your life in a positive way, and how stress can be good for you. People with stressful lives have meaningful lives and you can use the butterflies in your guts as energy to perform better for example on an exam. A meaningful life reduces mortality by as much as 30% compared with less meaning in your life. The myth is that stress is harmful and a better way to think might be to take the energy from your body preparing for a challenge as fuel. Your body is saying “this matters”. Embrace the anxiety and say “I am excited”.
February 6, 2023
I've been actively avoiding pain and trying to overcome and cope with stress for years. Ultimately, it hasn't served me. This book shows why. I need to change. I need to accept that stress is potentially positive. There are things to learn from difficulties. There are benefits that can come from adversity.
I cringed inside when I read (on page 85 of the edition I'm reading) about the cost of avoiding stress. As it says, "One of the benefits of embracing stress is that you find the strength to pursue goals and endure experiences that are difficult but meaningful." The cost of avoiding stress includes:
"1. Missed opportunities...because you thought they were (or would be) too stressful.
2. Avoidant coping...Are any of these coping strategies self-destructive? [I have had an emotional eating problem.]
3. Limiting your future: Is there anything you would like to do, experience, accept, or change, if only you were not afraid of the stress it might bring into you life?"
The sad answer is: absolutely. Yes. I've definitely limited my growth and opportunities because of avoiding stress.
I love the idea of re-framing stressful experiences as potentially beneficial or meaningful. Ugh, I wish I'd learned and/or believed this sooner. The older I get the more I realize I've forgotten lessons or had to relearn them over and over again. I have overprotected myself and tried (but often failed) to try to protect those I love. I'm not saying we should seek adversity. There's no need for that; it comes naturally. However, there are some types of stress related to self-discipline and allowing oneself to experience things that I have avoided, but now realize I should have engaged.
I am an introvert. I have a history of withdrawing from people when things get too complicated, painful, or otherwise difficult. This book has introduced me to alternatives to the "fight or flight" way of responding to stress. There's the "challenge response" which "increases self-confidence, motivates action, and helps you learn from experience." There's also the "tend-and-befriend" way of responding. The author says, "A tend-and-befriend response increases courage, motivates caregiving, and strengthens your social relationships."
I know I've responded those ways in the past, especially when I was younger and everything felt more hopeful. I want to be that way again. I want to have a more productive, active response to adversity. I want to turn outward rather than inward. I want to be able to ask for help and give help more often during times of distress. I don't want to miss any more opportunities!!!
This book has invited me to change the way I respond to the stresses of life. I think it will. I would definitely recommend this book. I'm also interested in watching the author's TED talk. This book reminds me of Carol Dweck's Mindset book.
I cringed inside when I read (on page 85 of the edition I'm reading) about the cost of avoiding stress. As it says, "One of the benefits of embracing stress is that you find the strength to pursue goals and endure experiences that are difficult but meaningful." The cost of avoiding stress includes:
"1. Missed opportunities...because you thought they were (or would be) too stressful.
2. Avoidant coping...Are any of these coping strategies self-destructive? [I have had an emotional eating problem.]
3. Limiting your future: Is there anything you would like to do, experience, accept, or change, if only you were not afraid of the stress it might bring into you life?"
The sad answer is: absolutely. Yes. I've definitely limited my growth and opportunities because of avoiding stress.
I love the idea of re-framing stressful experiences as potentially beneficial or meaningful. Ugh, I wish I'd learned and/or believed this sooner. The older I get the more I realize I've forgotten lessons or had to relearn them over and over again. I have overprotected myself and tried (but often failed) to try to protect those I love. I'm not saying we should seek adversity. There's no need for that; it comes naturally. However, there are some types of stress related to self-discipline and allowing oneself to experience things that I have avoided, but now realize I should have engaged.
I am an introvert. I have a history of withdrawing from people when things get too complicated, painful, or otherwise difficult. This book has introduced me to alternatives to the "fight or flight" way of responding to stress. There's the "challenge response" which "increases self-confidence, motivates action, and helps you learn from experience." There's also the "tend-and-befriend" way of responding. The author says, "A tend-and-befriend response increases courage, motivates caregiving, and strengthens your social relationships."
I know I've responded those ways in the past, especially when I was younger and everything felt more hopeful. I want to be that way again. I want to have a more productive, active response to adversity. I want to turn outward rather than inward. I want to be able to ask for help and give help more often during times of distress. I don't want to miss any more opportunities!!!
This book has invited me to change the way I respond to the stresses of life. I think it will. I would definitely recommend this book. I'm also interested in watching the author's TED talk. This book reminds me of Carol Dweck's Mindset book.
August 7, 2019
(The English review is placed beneath Russian one)
Крайне слабая книга и совсем не похожа на предыдущую книгу («Сила воли. Как развить и укрепить»), которая была намного интересней, более научной и … обдуманной, что ли. Эта же книга является крайне сырой и непроработанной, т.е. автор так и не поняла суть вопроса, она не затронула главную проблему стресса, а именно – долгий или длительный стресс. Автор всё свела к стрессу, который длится недолго. В итоге, автор написала книгу вообще не про стресс как таковой, а лишь про одну его часть (и не самую главную) из-за чего книга получилась чуть ли не антинаучной, сырой и крайне скучной (и да, воды там огромное количество).
Но, если кто-то особенно интересуется этой темой, а поэтому готов покупать всё, что с этой темой связано, то я бы посоветовал лишь первую часть книги, т.к. по сути, автор могла бы остановиться лишь на ней одной и не писать вторую часть, которая не вносит ничего нового, но состоит лишь из различных трагических историй, того, как люди преодолевали тяжёлые и стрессовые ситуации. Я бы даже сказал, что вторая часть практически никакого отношения к стрессу не имеет. К примеру, там описываются интересные, но сторонние темы как то: польза волонтёрства или почему забота о других людях, дарение им подарков и пр., вызывает столько положительных эмоций и так далее.
Если коротко говорить об основной части книги, то автор, во-первых, в самом начале рассматривает вопрос о том, как отражается на людях стратегия «смотреть на стресс с позитивной и негативной точки зрения». Во-вторых, как появилось утверждение, что «стресс – вреден». И в третьих, почему намного эффективней принять стресс как позитивный источник энергии (почему не нужно пытаться успокоится, а наоборот, трансформировать его в возбуждённое состояние (когда вам кто-то дарит дорогой для вас подарок или когда вы выигрываете в каком-то состязании)). Т.е. автор предлагает как бы купаться в стрессе или в том состоянии, которое появляется при стрессе (тут приводятся данные по биологии нашего тела в этом состоянии и т.д.). Плюс, как пишет автор, именно стресс делает нашу жизнь интересной, осмысленно и цельной. Так же, пишет автор, именно благодаря стрессу мы решаемся взяться за новое дело или бросить вызов некой цели (без наличия стресса, это было бы крайне затруднительно). В целом, это было интересно читать. Однако опять же, не в этом проблема. Проблема в том, что как пишет Сапольски в книге «Психология стресса» (Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers), которую я крайне рекомендую и которая в разы интересней этой (а также более научна), всё дело в длительности стресса. Он тоже пишет о позитивном влиянии стресса, но дальше он рассказывает о, так сказать, «негативном стрессе», стрессе который крайне вреден. Постоянный стресс - это стресс, который человек испытывает на протяжении дней, недель и даже месяцев. Сапольски великолепно описывает, как этот стресс работает, и к какому результату он приводит организм человека. Грубо говоря, при стрессе приостанавливается работа некоторых частей организма (например, желудок перестаёт переваривать пищу), т.к. происходит смещение цели на «драться или бежать». И только после того, как опасность прошла, всё возвращается в исходное, нормальное состояние и все органы продолжают свою обычную работу, т.е. желудок начинает переваривать пищу, кровь откатывает от мышц (бежать или драться уже не нужно). Хочу сразу заметить, что я не врач и не учёный, поэтому я дал примерное описание, как я его понял. Так что вот в этом-то и главная проблема, и главная опасность длительного стресса. И вот о нём-то в книге ровным счётом ничего и нет, а без этого, теряется весь смысл всего остального.
Extremely weak book and not at all similar to the previous book of this author - "The Willpower Instinct" - which was much more interesting, more scientific and ... thoughtful or something. This book is extremely raw and unprocessed, i.e. the author has not understood the essence of the question and it has not touched the main problem of stress, namely - long or prolonged stress. The author has reduced everything to stress which does not last long. As a result, the author wrote the book not about stress as such, but only about one part of it (and not the most important one) because of which the book turned out to be almost unscientific, damp and extremely boring (and yes, there is a huge amount of water).
But if someone is particularly interested in this topic, and therefore ready to buy everything related to this topic, I would advise only the first part of the book, because, in fact, the author could stop at it and not write the second part of the book, which does not bring anything new, but consists only of various tragic stories, how people overcame difficult and stressful situations. I would even say that the second part has nothing to do with stress. For example, there are interesting, but outside topics such as: the benefits of volunteering or why taking care of other people, giving them gifts, etc., causes so many positive emotions and so on.
In a nutshell about the main part of the book, the author first of all looks at how the strategy of "looking at stress from a positive and negative point of view" affects people from the very beginning. Second, how did the statement that "stress is harmful" appear? And third, why is it much more effective to accept stress as a positive source of energy (why don't you try to calm down, but on the contrary, to transform it into an excited state (when you get a gift dear to you or when you win in a competition))? I.e. the author suggests to bathe in stress or in the state that appears in the case of stress (here are the data on the biology of our body in this state, etc.). Plus, as the author writes, it is stress that makes our lives interesting, meaningful and whole. Also, the author writes, it is because of stress that we dare to take on a new business or challenge a certain goal (without the presence of stress, it would be extremely difficult). In general, it was interesting to read. But again, that's not the problem. The problem is that, as Sapolsky writes in the book Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers (which I highly recommend and which is several times more interesting than this one (and also more scientific)) - it's all about the duration of the stress. He also writes about the positive effects of stress, but he goes on to talk about, so to speak, "negative stress", which is extremely harmful. Constant stress is the stress a person experiences over days, weeks and even months. Sapolsky perfectly describes how this stress works and what the result is for the human body. Roughly speaking, stress stops the work of some parts of the body (e.g. the stomach stops digesting food) because the target shifts to "fight or flee". And only after the danger has passed, everything returns to its initial, normal state and all organs continue their usual work, i.e. the stomach starts to digest food, the blood rolls away from the muscles (it is not necessary to run or fight anymore). I would like to note right away that I am not a doctor or a scientist, so I gave an approximate description as I understood it. So that's the main problem, and the main danger of long-term stress. And so there is nothing about it in the book so without it the whole point of everything else is lost.
Крайне слабая книга и совсем не похожа на предыдущую книгу («Сила воли. Как развить и укрепить»), которая была намного интересней, более научной и … обдуманной, что ли. Эта же книга является крайне сырой и непроработанной, т.е. автор так и не поняла суть вопроса, она не затронула главную проблему стресса, а именно – долгий или длительный стресс. Автор всё свела к стрессу, который длится недолго. В итоге, автор написала книгу вообще не про стресс как таковой, а лишь про одну его часть (и не самую главную) из-за чего книга получилась чуть ли не антинаучной, сырой и крайне скучной (и да, воды там огромное количество).
Но, если кто-то особенно интересуется этой темой, а поэтому готов покупать всё, что с этой темой связано, то я бы посоветовал лишь первую часть книги, т.к. по сути, автор могла бы остановиться лишь на ней одной и не писать вторую часть, которая не вносит ничего нового, но состоит лишь из различных трагических историй, того, как люди преодолевали тяжёлые и стрессовые ситуации. Я бы даже сказал, что вторая часть практически никакого отношения к стрессу не имеет. К примеру, там описываются интересные, но сторонние темы как то: польза волонтёрства или почему забота о других людях, дарение им подарков и пр., вызывает столько положительных эмоций и так далее.
Если коротко говорить об основной части книги, то автор, во-первых, в самом начале рассматривает вопрос о том, как отражается на людях стратегия «смотреть на стресс с позитивной и негативной точки зрения». Во-вторых, как появилось утверждение, что «стресс – вреден». И в третьих, почему намного эффективней принять стресс как позитивный источник энергии (почему не нужно пытаться успокоится, а наоборот, трансформировать его в возбуждённое состояние (когда вам кто-то дарит дорогой для вас подарок или когда вы выигрываете в каком-то состязании)). Т.е. автор предлагает как бы купаться в стрессе или в том состоянии, которое появляется при стрессе (тут приводятся данные по биологии нашего тела в этом состоянии и т.д.). Плюс, как пишет автор, именно стресс делает нашу жизнь интересной, осмысленно и цельной. Так же, пишет автор, именно благодаря стрессу мы решаемся взяться за новое дело или бросить вызов некой цели (без наличия стресса, это было бы крайне затруднительно). В целом, это было интересно читать. Однако опять же, не в этом проблема. Проблема в том, что как пишет Сапольски в книге «Психология стресса» (Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers), которую я крайне рекомендую и которая в разы интересней этой (а также более научна), всё дело в длительности стресса. Он тоже пишет о позитивном влиянии стресса, но дальше он рассказывает о, так сказать, «негативном стрессе», стрессе который крайне вреден. Постоянный стресс - это стресс, который человек испытывает на протяжении дней, недель и даже месяцев. Сапольски великолепно описывает, как этот стресс работает, и к какому результату он приводит организм человека. Грубо говоря, при стрессе приостанавливается работа некоторых частей организма (например, желудок перестаёт переваривать пищу), т.к. происходит смещение цели на «драться или бежать». И только после того, как опасность прошла, всё возвращается в исходное, нормальное состояние и все органы продолжают свою обычную работу, т.е. желудок начинает переваривать пищу, кровь откатывает от мышц (бежать или драться уже не нужно). Хочу сразу заметить, что я не врач и не учёный, поэтому я дал примерное описание, как я его понял. Так что вот в этом-то и главная проблема, и главная опасность длительного стресса. И вот о нём-то в книге ровным счётом ничего и нет, а без этого, теряется весь смысл всего остального.
Extremely weak book and not at all similar to the previous book of this author - "The Willpower Instinct" - which was much more interesting, more scientific and ... thoughtful or something. This book is extremely raw and unprocessed, i.e. the author has not understood the essence of the question and it has not touched the main problem of stress, namely - long or prolonged stress. The author has reduced everything to stress which does not last long. As a result, the author wrote the book not about stress as such, but only about one part of it (and not the most important one) because of which the book turned out to be almost unscientific, damp and extremely boring (and yes, there is a huge amount of water).
But if someone is particularly interested in this topic, and therefore ready to buy everything related to this topic, I would advise only the first part of the book, because, in fact, the author could stop at it and not write the second part of the book, which does not bring anything new, but consists only of various tragic stories, how people overcame difficult and stressful situations. I would even say that the second part has nothing to do with stress. For example, there are interesting, but outside topics such as: the benefits of volunteering or why taking care of other people, giving them gifts, etc., causes so many positive emotions and so on.
In a nutshell about the main part of the book, the author first of all looks at how the strategy of "looking at stress from a positive and negative point of view" affects people from the very beginning. Second, how did the statement that "stress is harmful" appear? And third, why is it much more effective to accept stress as a positive source of energy (why don't you try to calm down, but on the contrary, to transform it into an excited state (when you get a gift dear to you or when you win in a competition))? I.e. the author suggests to bathe in stress or in the state that appears in the case of stress (here are the data on the biology of our body in this state, etc.). Plus, as the author writes, it is stress that makes our lives interesting, meaningful and whole. Also, the author writes, it is because of stress that we dare to take on a new business or challenge a certain goal (without the presence of stress, it would be extremely difficult). In general, it was interesting to read. But again, that's not the problem. The problem is that, as Sapolsky writes in the book Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers (which I highly recommend and which is several times more interesting than this one (and also more scientific)) - it's all about the duration of the stress. He also writes about the positive effects of stress, but he goes on to talk about, so to speak, "negative stress", which is extremely harmful. Constant stress is the stress a person experiences over days, weeks and even months. Sapolsky perfectly describes how this stress works and what the result is for the human body. Roughly speaking, stress stops the work of some parts of the body (e.g. the stomach stops digesting food) because the target shifts to "fight or flee". And only after the danger has passed, everything returns to its initial, normal state and all organs continue their usual work, i.e. the stomach starts to digest food, the blood rolls away from the muscles (it is not necessary to run or fight anymore). I would like to note right away that I am not a doctor or a scientist, so I gave an approximate description as I understood it. So that's the main problem, and the main danger of long-term stress. And so there is nothing about it in the book so without it the whole point of everything else is lost.
April 28, 2023
I didn't think I was going to like it, but I did. And I liked her broad definition of stress: When something you care about is at stake.
You don't really stress out about things you don't care about. Part of living a meaningful life is learning to deal with the potential loss of that meaning (stress) in a constructive way.
Her thoughts on reframing the idea that stress is bad for our health, heart, and relationships is interesting and hits home. I mean, how many times have you been stressed out, only to be more stressed because you know stress is bad for you? This leads to a tendency to try and 'manage stress' usually by avoiding or escaping stressful situations (guilty) instead of facing them head-on in order to grow, process, and overcome.
The whole book itself is a sort of reframing of the idea that stress is a killer and asks the reader to consider it instead in the language of challenge. When you're in the heat, ask your self- how is what I'm feeling right now reflecting what I really care about? How can I continue to move towards what is meaningful here?
How can we learn to take the bodily symptoms of stress or anxiety- racing heart, sweaty palms, adrenaline, and recognize that they are our body providing strength for the task ahead? Instead of withering away in alarm of our own anxiety, can we harness this power and thank our body for preparing us for action?
Can we use stressful life situations to connect with others in altruism and compassion, instead of isolation? Those who have gone through significant trauma or stress are often able to connect with other people with compassion in ways that more inexperienced people can't.
When the mature go through suffering or stress they tend to think: "I am taking part of the universal human experience. Everyone goes through loss and suffering. This is what it means to be a person," and then to look for the meaning in the suffering.
The temptation is to isolate during stressful times- to look for relief and escape and to think that your suffering is unrelatable, solitary, and hypercomplex.
Resiliency in stressful times is knowing you're not alone and still being able to help others. It reminded me quite a bit of some of the ideas in Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn's Gulag Archipelago, and Terrence Malik's A Hidden Life. I'd recommend it as a partial, yet helpful reframing of how we think about modern stress.
"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
You don't really stress out about things you don't care about. Part of living a meaningful life is learning to deal with the potential loss of that meaning (stress) in a constructive way.
Her thoughts on reframing the idea that stress is bad for our health, heart, and relationships is interesting and hits home. I mean, how many times have you been stressed out, only to be more stressed because you know stress is bad for you? This leads to a tendency to try and 'manage stress' usually by avoiding or escaping stressful situations (guilty) instead of facing them head-on in order to grow, process, and overcome.
The whole book itself is a sort of reframing of the idea that stress is a killer and asks the reader to consider it instead in the language of challenge. When you're in the heat, ask your self- how is what I'm feeling right now reflecting what I really care about? How can I continue to move towards what is meaningful here?
How can we learn to take the bodily symptoms of stress or anxiety- racing heart, sweaty palms, adrenaline, and recognize that they are our body providing strength for the task ahead? Instead of withering away in alarm of our own anxiety, can we harness this power and thank our body for preparing us for action?
Can we use stressful life situations to connect with others in altruism and compassion, instead of isolation? Those who have gone through significant trauma or stress are often able to connect with other people with compassion in ways that more inexperienced people can't.
When the mature go through suffering or stress they tend to think: "I am taking part of the universal human experience. Everyone goes through loss and suffering. This is what it means to be a person," and then to look for the meaning in the suffering.
The temptation is to isolate during stressful times- to look for relief and escape and to think that your suffering is unrelatable, solitary, and hypercomplex.
Resiliency in stressful times is knowing you're not alone and still being able to help others. It reminded me quite a bit of some of the ideas in Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn's Gulag Archipelago, and Terrence Malik's A Hidden Life. I'd recommend it as a partial, yet helpful reframing of how we think about modern stress.
"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." Victor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
October 28, 2019
This is a very good book explaining stress. It is often perceived as a negative factor where people strive to reduce the stress in their lives, but it can and often is a positive factor. If stress reduction were the sole motivating factor then no one would ever risk having children, fortunately this isn't the case. One of the studies sited was the influence of the "tend and befriend" concept. This is where the stress levels of people were examined who were performing altruistic behavior. it would be easy to assume that hospice worker, for example, would have a great deal of stress in their lives. This is usually not the case it appears that by helping others their own stress levels are reduced. This is a very good book concerning stress. If it weren't for the testing on animals described it would have been five stars.
January 9, 2023
Interesting take on stress - personally I feel like it’s got a lot of good tidbits and the mindset switch was helpful, especially alongside the actionable steps at the end of each chapter.
The author assumes that at the end of the book you won’t remember all the little anecdotes or studies but just the overall theme. This has always been my biggest criticisms of books like this - it’s too lengthy and people lose focus, definitely could’ve been summarized in two pages but hey the studies help convince me I guess. I didn’t hate it.
The author assumes that at the end of the book you won’t remember all the little anecdotes or studies but just the overall theme. This has always been my biggest criticisms of books like this - it’s too lengthy and people lose focus, definitely could’ve been summarized in two pages but hey the studies help convince me I guess. I didn’t hate it.
May 17, 2021
This book was a such a mind blowing mindset shift. I honestly feel that everyone should read it, well, anyone that is who constantly thinks they are stressed. Unlike many self-help stress books, this book is not focused on reducing your stress, but rather changing the way you think about stress. EVERYONE is stressed, and this books teaches you how to channel that stress into something that won't shed years off your life or cause you to have high blood pressure. While reading through, I noticed several things in my life that support the research conducted my McGonigal. I truly believe that a mindset shift is all you need to feel less stress in your life and to actually reap the POSITIVE benefits of stress.
December 2, 2021
There is so much stress around us and the author helps us see how we can see the opportunities that come with it. Loved the importance of values, giving back to the community, a sense of purpose, and seeing the benefit in my struggles. Truly uplifting and mindset shifting, excellent book!
August 6, 2019
One of the most helpful book I've read.
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