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152 pages, Hardcover
First published April 11, 2023
“We cannot know the price others pay for their good fortune.”
“When I was thirteen years old, I learned that when disaster arrives, it does so without omen or portent. The truly terrible moments strike us the way a roc strikes its prey— without warning, out of the clear blue sky.”
“People have admired rocs for centuries. Artists paint them, sculpt them, tell stories about them. I wanted to be one. I wanted to be the monster that kills other monsters.”
“My love was entirely possessive. When you love a person, you are expected to give them their freedom, but when you love a monster, you keep it caged. A monster can’t love you back, so there’s none of the guilt of a reciprocal relationship. You’re already subjugated. You’re already holding yourself captive in a cruel way, so you justify whatever unusual bonds you level in return.”
“A person might pass a tree on the path every day and not notice it until it springs fruit at a time they’re hungry.”
“And then she was aloft. It seems impossible, when you think about it. How something so huge can conquer gravity. But we’ve always known that rocs are more than mere birds. There’s a reason they’re the subject of myths, why they adorn royal crests and are carved into the sides of temples.”
When you love a person, you are expected to give them their freedom, but when you love a monster, you keep it caged.
➼ “ thank you, i whispered, as she disappeared from my straining sight for the last time. for allowing me to hunt with you. for letting me borrow your strength. for lending me your wings. ”
➼ “ zahra was not yet in my life, but she would be. she answered the question in my soul and made me worthwhile. and you were not yet in my life either, but then you came into it. you’re part of the answer and even without your roc, you’re worth more to me than you could ever know. ”
➼ “ as long as your heart beats, you’ll be a ruhker. i know this as much as god knows every creature, because i once thought there was no reason for me to be alive, no logic to survival, no meaning to be found past endurance of loss, yet there was. ”
➼ “ my love was entirely possessive. when you love a person, you are expected to give them their freedom, but when you love a monster, you keep it caged. a monster can’t love you back, so there’s none of the guilt of a reciprocal relationship. you’re already subjugated. you’re already holding yourself captive in a cruel way, so you justify whatever unusual bonds you level in return. ”
➼ “ follow me. he did not follow. ”
➼ “ i should’ve let you kiss me that one time in the field, but i was scared, and if you ever feel the urge to do it again, i would want you to. ”
“We didn’t talk about the roc-sized holes in our hearts. Instead, Darius lifted me carefully in his arms and set me on his horse, then got on behind me and held me steady against his chest, the gentle pressure like that of a ruhker’s hands on a fledgling during their dark days, promising over and over—you are with me now. Together, we rode back toward the mews where, come spring, there would be new monsters to tame.”
"we are partners in our captivity, each perfectly monstrous in our own way."