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The Happy Sleeper: The Science-Backed Guide to Helping Your Baby Get a Good Night's Sleep-Newborn to School Age
Many parents feel pressured to “train” babies and young children to sleep, but kids don’t need to be trained to sleep, they’re built to sleep. Sleep issues arise when parents (with the best of intentions) over-help or “helicopter parent” at night—overshadowing their baby’s innate biological ability to sleep well. In The Happy Sleeper, child sleep experts Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright show parents how to be sensitive and nurturing, but also clear and structured so that babies and young children develop the self-soothing skills they need
• Fall asleep independently
• Sleep through the night
• Take healthy naps
• Grow into natural, optimal sleep patterns for day and night
The Happy Sleeper is a research-based guide to helping children do what comes naturally—sleep through the night.
The Happy Sleeper features a foreword by neuropsychiatrist and popular parenting expert Dr. Daniel Siegel , author of Parenting from the Inside Out and the New York Times bestseller Brainstorm.
• Fall asleep independently
• Sleep through the night
• Take healthy naps
• Grow into natural, optimal sleep patterns for day and night
The Happy Sleeper is a research-based guide to helping children do what comes naturally—sleep through the night.
The Happy Sleeper features a foreword by neuropsychiatrist and popular parenting expert Dr. Daniel Siegel , author of Parenting from the Inside Out and the New York Times bestseller Brainstorm.
362 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 26, 2014
About the author
Heather Turgeon
5 books21 followersHeather Turgeon writes about sleep, child development, and parenting. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, and others. She is a writer for the National Sleep Foundation.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 150 reviews
December 15, 2017
While less traumatic than rigid “cry it out methods,” it still requires the baby to cry (and cry and cry) until they put themselves to sleep. Shouldn’t babies cry out to their parents when they need them? It seems unnatural to desensitize that instinct, especially during the cold of night when all alone in a bare crib. I appreciate the 5 minute checks, but not being allowed to pick up or comfort a wailing baby is just too extreme for me. What I am using from the book are the bedtime routines and nap time suggestions. Until I find a method that works, I’ll rock our little guy to bed at 1am (and 3 and 5!) because snuggles beat tears any time of day.
September 26, 2015
To keep this short, it appears to be another book promoting controlled crying and on asking the authors to reassure me the baby wouldn't be traumatised, I still have not heard back. It has some other good tips in it but the crux (in my opinion) is that it's a new name for controlled crying and no one can really guarantee the baby is just annoyed rather than beside themselves/ having feelings of abandonment. I had high hopes but don't have the confidence in their assertions.
March 18, 2024
2nd Review for 2nd child:
I didn't read this again. Every child is different. However, I'll just say this, cry it out was a terrible experience with my first born. I wrote this initial review after the first few weeks. Things got more difficult. Our son would sometimes cry until he vomited. He started pooping at night. Sometimes he'd thrash so much he would bang his head on something and bleed. These weren't every night occasions, but they are jarring memories.
With my daughter I just trusted my instincts more. We never let her cry un responded to. Every child is different, and perhaps that is why it was so much easier and pleasant getting my daughter to sleep through the night. But I would never recommend this book or method.
BTW... with my daughter I used the sit in a chair in the room and each night move the chair further and further away from the crib method. I still go in the room, I'll pat her a bit, but I'm pretty quickly over to the chair. Might not work for everyone but worked for us.
Initial Review:
My wife and I followed the ideas in this book and our child now sleeps through the night. Pretty cool, right? Well yeah, by three days in the boy was sleeping through the night. The first few days involved some brutal crying sessions. But really it worked pretty quickly.
So why three stars? Well the main trick that the book recommends that differentiates it from other Cry It Out methods is checking in every 5 minutes to gently remind your baby that you exist and that all is well. You are not to touch or pick up the baby, just deliver a sentence or two and leave.
The problem is, this disturbs our baby every time, waking him up more and causing more crying. I'm also dubious of the baby being a rational being that is soothed by these rational messages.
I think the visits are more to reassure the parent. But they consistently disturb our baby.
Look, it is hard to listen to your kid cry. I'd rather rip off the band-aid and get it done.
In general I'd endorse my experience with Cry It Out. All of us our sleeping better, and it worked quickly. However, I would go with a gradual extinction method where you eventually stop going in and checking. That worked better for us and it is what we naturally started doing after we got fed up with flaring him up every 5 minutes.
I didn't read this again. Every child is different. However, I'll just say this, cry it out was a terrible experience with my first born. I wrote this initial review after the first few weeks. Things got more difficult. Our son would sometimes cry until he vomited. He started pooping at night. Sometimes he'd thrash so much he would bang his head on something and bleed. These weren't every night occasions, but they are jarring memories.
With my daughter I just trusted my instincts more. We never let her cry un responded to. Every child is different, and perhaps that is why it was so much easier and pleasant getting my daughter to sleep through the night. But I would never recommend this book or method.
BTW... with my daughter I used the sit in a chair in the room and each night move the chair further and further away from the crib method. I still go in the room, I'll pat her a bit, but I'm pretty quickly over to the chair. Might not work for everyone but worked for us.
Initial Review:
My wife and I followed the ideas in this book and our child now sleeps through the night. Pretty cool, right? Well yeah, by three days in the boy was sleeping through the night. The first few days involved some brutal crying sessions. But really it worked pretty quickly.
So why three stars? Well the main trick that the book recommends that differentiates it from other Cry It Out methods is checking in every 5 minutes to gently remind your baby that you exist and that all is well. You are not to touch or pick up the baby, just deliver a sentence or two and leave.
The problem is, this disturbs our baby every time, waking him up more and causing more crying. I'm also dubious of the baby being a rational being that is soothed by these rational messages.
I think the visits are more to reassure the parent. But they consistently disturb our baby.
Look, it is hard to listen to your kid cry. I'd rather rip off the band-aid and get it done.
In general I'd endorse my experience with Cry It Out. All of us our sleeping better, and it worked quickly. However, I would go with a gradual extinction method where you eventually stop going in and checking. That worked better for us and it is what we naturally started doing after we got fed up with flaring him up every 5 minutes.
January 27, 2015
This is working really well for us. I appreciate that this book takes the middle-ground approach and functions under the belief that healthy attachment includes letting a kid learn how to sleep and struggle appropriately for their age, and that letting a child cry a little does not make you a meanie. It's sort of cry-it-out, but instead of lengthening the amount of time to eventually zero, it works on a 5-minute interval schedule that doesn't shift (and is therefore reliable). It's about how to create healthy sleep-habits long-term, which I also appreciate.
Anyway. There are lots of ways to get a baby to sleep. I like this one and it's working, and anything that gets us all to sleep without too many tears (on my part, and hers) gets 5 stars.
Anyway. There are lots of ways to get a baby to sleep. I like this one and it's working, and anything that gets us all to sleep without too many tears (on my part, and hers) gets 5 stars.
November 18, 2017
This is the sort of thing I read now
March 19, 2022
This book is absolute GOLD. I am so thankful it was recommend to me. It strikes the perfect balance between the cry it out method (which felt too harsh for me) and the stay with them 24-7 attachment method (which I can’t do for my mental health and I don’t think is good for him to learn to be independent either)… but I couldn’t find any happy medium until this book. It teaches them how to self-soothe and become strong sleepers but does so in a way that makes them feel safe and know what to expect. Only been “sleep training” with this method for a week and my three month old is sleeping 8-9 hour stretches at night, and starting to fall asleep as soon as I tell him it’s bedtime. Love it!
September 7, 2015
My baby is only 6 months old so I have only read the chapters that apply to his age. But my husband and I have followed all of the advice in this book thus far - soothing ladder, bedtime routine, early, consistent bedtime, sleep wave, etc. and our son is THE happy sleeper! He has been sleeping through the night since he was about 4 months, and we are able to put him down awake at bedtime and naps and he can soothe himself to sleep. I love this book and would recommend it to any and every new parent! It's an easy, approachable read, not TOO sciencey or text bookish, with a lot of information that just makes sense.
January 27, 2015
Oh man, we're in the early stages of trying the Sleep Wave method, but it's already showing a vast improvement in how our 5 month old sleeps! My hubs and I would spend plenty of time rocking Natalie, walking with her, and then giving up and having her co-sleep with us instead of in her crib. She's sleeping upwards of 10-11 hours per night so far versus 8-9, or 7-8 depending on the night. I had an evening recently where both kids were asleep, and I had NO idea what to do! It was AWESOME.
This book also has plenty of fun awake-time ideas to make bedtime much more tolerable. For example, I'm really excited to try making a book for my kids showing them performing various bedtime routine activities. I'd highly recommend this book to any parent, any babysitter, anybody that has to convince a kid why sleep is awesome. You'd think it would be self-explanatory.
This book also has plenty of fun awake-time ideas to make bedtime much more tolerable. For example, I'm really excited to try making a book for my kids showing them performing various bedtime routine activities. I'd highly recommend this book to any parent, any babysitter, anybody that has to convince a kid why sleep is awesome. You'd think it would be self-explanatory.
July 15, 2015
This taught me some helpful tricks...but my baby still doesn't sleep through the night. Oh well. We press on.
March 12, 2017
4.5 stars. A lot of the parenting information I've read previously has touched on sleep, but never this comprehensively or helpfully. I'm the kind of person who needs specific techniques to try and schedules to follow (Oh Crap! Potty Training was an absolute gift for potty training), so I appreciated that the authors covered everything from the home environment to when bedtime should be to how to break the cycle of lying next to your kid until they fall asleep. Our son has been a great sleeper for most of his young life, and so I'm not sure how we got from saying good night and closing the door (he would try the door once to see if he could get out and then go back to bed and fall asleep) to having to stay with him and physically restrain him from getting out of bed, except that it seems related to the aforementioned potty training — he figured out that he could hold us hostage by peeing on everything if we tried to leave. In any case, this book gave me hope that things could be different.
For as comprehensive as this book is, the authors don't seem to have envisioned a toddler like our son, who just does. not. slow. down. At naptime today I decided to try out going through our routine and then, instead of laying with him, sitting by the door and putting him back in bed every time he tried to leave. In addition to being put back in bed 37 times, he also threw his loveys out of the bed and then retrieved them approximately 10 times, turned the fan on and off, on and off, tried unplugging the fan and plugging it back in (I intervened and took it out of the room), turned his nightlight on and off, on and off, and ran circles around his bed. So there was no period of "watch curiously how your child soothes himself to sleep." After an hour and a half I gave up and held him down in bed like I usually end up doing, at which point he cried for a minute and fell promptly asleep. You'd think I'd consider this a failure, but the difference is that I was able to stay super-calm the entire time. I also have hope that some combination of factors — repeating the practice of calmly returning him to bed when he tries to leave the room, using a consistent routine rather than my husband and I having slightly different ones, moving his bedtime earlier, using dimmer lights in the evening — will make a difference.
I appreciate both the extensive research that went into this book and the way it strikes a balance between the typical head-butting approaches to kids' sleep. The idea is to be a calm and consistent presence your child can rely on while falling asleep, without giving them such extensive scaffolding that they're unable to fall asleep without your help (especially if they wake up in the middle of the night, which has been our biggest issue). I also appreciate that, while the authors talk about the research on the benefits of breastfeeding, they have room in their plan for bottle-feeding parents. My only wish would be that they hadn't addressed the reader so explicitly as being the child's biological mother or assumed the reader had a male partner, when a father, adoptive mother (hi!), or other caregiver could also be reading the book. (There was a brief discussion of single parents.)
It remains to be seen whether we can rein in our high-spirited toddler with these tips, but I definitely want to use the recommended techniques from the beginning with our next baby. If I could gift any new parent a set of books, I think it would be The Science of Mom, Parent Effectiveness Training, Oh Crap! Potty Training, and this one.
For as comprehensive as this book is, the authors don't seem to have envisioned a toddler like our son, who just does. not. slow. down. At naptime today I decided to try out going through our routine and then, instead of laying with him, sitting by the door and putting him back in bed every time he tried to leave. In addition to being put back in bed 37 times, he also threw his loveys out of the bed and then retrieved them approximately 10 times, turned the fan on and off, on and off, tried unplugging the fan and plugging it back in (I intervened and took it out of the room), turned his nightlight on and off, on and off, and ran circles around his bed. So there was no period of "watch curiously how your child soothes himself to sleep." After an hour and a half I gave up and held him down in bed like I usually end up doing, at which point he cried for a minute and fell promptly asleep. You'd think I'd consider this a failure, but the difference is that I was able to stay super-calm the entire time. I also have hope that some combination of factors — repeating the practice of calmly returning him to bed when he tries to leave the room, using a consistent routine rather than my husband and I having slightly different ones, moving his bedtime earlier, using dimmer lights in the evening — will make a difference.
I appreciate both the extensive research that went into this book and the way it strikes a balance between the typical head-butting approaches to kids' sleep. The idea is to be a calm and consistent presence your child can rely on while falling asleep, without giving them such extensive scaffolding that they're unable to fall asleep without your help (especially if they wake up in the middle of the night, which has been our biggest issue). I also appreciate that, while the authors talk about the research on the benefits of breastfeeding, they have room in their plan for bottle-feeding parents. My only wish would be that they hadn't addressed the reader so explicitly as being the child's biological mother or assumed the reader had a male partner, when a father, adoptive mother (hi!), or other caregiver could also be reading the book. (There was a brief discussion of single parents.)
It remains to be seen whether we can rein in our high-spirited toddler with these tips, but I definitely want to use the recommended techniques from the beginning with our next baby. If I could gift any new parent a set of books, I think it would be The Science of Mom, Parent Effectiveness Training, Oh Crap! Potty Training, and this one.
January 29, 2022
This book has some important and helpful tips about sleep training - being consistent and calm, having both parents on the same page, being able to pick a middle road between full extinction and "attachment parenting", and the most helpful takeaway for us: really encouraging her to soothe herself by limiting the amount of soothing you are doing as the parent.
But I found it to be a little prescriptive in insisting you follow exactly the method that they set out. There's no way that will work best for everyone and every baby. On the other hand, some parents might appreciate having a very structured approach already defined for them - it reduces the amount of thinking and deliberating at a time when you are probably emotionally and physically drained from lack of sleep (which is why we're all reading a book about it). And I do believe that if you can be consistent with it, this approach will work for many babies.
It did seem strange to me to go straight from the Soothing Ladder for babies below 5 months to the more hands-off Sleep Wave with nothing in between. We wanted a slightly different approach for our 5 month old than that presented in the 5 month - 2 year old section, so we incorporated some of the ideas/methods from the book but aren't following it exactly, and that's working very well for us. I think sleep training and parenting in general aren't as cut and dried as this and other books suggest.
One more note - I really didn't like that they recommended using a lovey for babies under 1 year. This is not recommended by the AAP and is not considered a safe sleep practice. Otherwise I would've rated this 4 stars.
But I found it to be a little prescriptive in insisting you follow exactly the method that they set out. There's no way that will work best for everyone and every baby. On the other hand, some parents might appreciate having a very structured approach already defined for them - it reduces the amount of thinking and deliberating at a time when you are probably emotionally and physically drained from lack of sleep (which is why we're all reading a book about it). And I do believe that if you can be consistent with it, this approach will work for many babies.
It did seem strange to me to go straight from the Soothing Ladder for babies below 5 months to the more hands-off Sleep Wave with nothing in between. We wanted a slightly different approach for our 5 month old than that presented in the 5 month - 2 year old section, so we incorporated some of the ideas/methods from the book but aren't following it exactly, and that's working very well for us. I think sleep training and parenting in general aren't as cut and dried as this and other books suggest.
One more note - I really didn't like that they recommended using a lovey for babies under 1 year. This is not recommended by the AAP and is not considered a safe sleep practice. Otherwise I would've rated this 4 stars.
November 1, 2017
Since we started using the principles in this book, our daughter went from waking up multiple times a night to generally sleeping 10 - 13 hours at a stretch.
The first few nights were really hard, listening to my baby wail when I knew that if I went in and nursed her, we would all be back to sleep sooner. But as my sister told me, "You can pay now, or you can pay later -- but you'll pay." We're choosing to pay now so we reap the benefits later.
There are still occasionally nights when Maggie cries out, but she's really learned to self-soothe -- a skill we believe will serve her well for years to come. And the whole family is sleeping better as a result. Will be recommending this book to any friends who wonder where to turn for sleep advice.
The first few nights were really hard, listening to my baby wail when I knew that if I went in and nursed her, we would all be back to sleep sooner. But as my sister told me, "You can pay now, or you can pay later -- but you'll pay." We're choosing to pay now so we reap the benefits later.
There are still occasionally nights when Maggie cries out, but she's really learned to self-soothe -- a skill we believe will serve her well for years to come. And the whole family is sleeping better as a result. Will be recommending this book to any friends who wonder where to turn for sleep advice.
August 22, 2023
This book was recommended to me by a friend after I kept asking her baby sleep questions. She described her son’s sleep to me and said, “He loves his sleep.” And that’s what I wanted for my daughter. She’s 5 months old, sleeping successfully on her own, in her own room, is a great sleeper at daycare, and wakes up happily each morning. We’re grateful for The Happy Sleeper and can’t stop recommending it to other parents when they ask what we’ve done for sleep. Every child is different, so we know it may not be best for every family, but our family is grateful for this.
February 19, 2020
Okay, to be honest, I haven't completely read the whole book yet, but our baby is only 2 weeks old, so I just read everything through the newborn section and then skipped past the older kid stuff to the adult bits at the end.
I feel like a lot of this makes sense, and while there's not much we can really work on for a few more weeks, there are some things I'm trying now (taking him outside first thing in the morning--although he squeezes his eyes shut and refuses to look--dimming the lights at night, checking to see whether he just wants his paci reinserted when he cries before jumping straight to picking him up and feeding him), and I'll definitely be looking back at this next month to see where to go once he's 6-8 weeks.
We'll see how it goes!
I feel like a lot of this makes sense, and while there's not much we can really work on for a few more weeks, there are some things I'm trying now (taking him outside first thing in the morning--although he squeezes his eyes shut and refuses to look--dimming the lights at night, checking to see whether he just wants his paci reinserted when he cries before jumping straight to picking him up and feeding him), and I'll definitely be looking back at this next month to see where to go once he's 6-8 weeks.
We'll see how it goes!
January 25, 2020
3.5 stars
Haven't actually started implementing much of this yet, so I can't say if it works or not. But there's a lot of good information and it's clearly presented. Leans a bit more into the CIO method than I'd like, but we'll see when our son is closer to five months.
Haven't actually started implementing much of this yet, so I can't say if it works or not. But there's a lot of good information and it's clearly presented. Leans a bit more into the CIO method than I'd like, but we'll see when our son is closer to five months.
September 8, 2021
No comment on the system, just that it was competently written.
December 2, 2018
Must-have for all new parents!!! This book is gold. The sleep training method worked incredibly well. Only two nights and our baby was sleeping like a champ. Yes, he did cry, but we did 5 minute checks as the book outlines. His naps dramatically improved too.
I went from dreading bedtime and every nap to feeling confident and actually enjoying our routine.
We waited until about 8.5 months to do it and I wish we would have taken the plunge sooner. If we have more kiddos I would probably try it sooner. I recommended this book to a friend who just had her second baby and she loved it as well. They really focus on creating positive sleep habits which I really appreciated. MUST READ for parents of young kids or those expecting.
I went from dreading bedtime and every nap to feeling confident and actually enjoying our routine.
We waited until about 8.5 months to do it and I wish we would have taken the plunge sooner. If we have more kiddos I would probably try it sooner. I recommended this book to a friend who just had her second baby and she loved it as well. They really focus on creating positive sleep habits which I really appreciated. MUST READ for parents of young kids or those expecting.
January 26, 2022
The first part of this book starts off great as it suggests gentle ways to avoid establishing bad habits with your child. For example, they suggest transition objects, swaddling, etc. They also propose what they call a “ladder” approach: when the baby cries, don’t jump straight to the thing that you know will make him stop crying (bouncing, etc.). instead start with a smaller thing like shushing, and then work your way up the “ladder” until you stop at the thing that works. The book suggests that feeding is the top of the “ladder”, but I feel that feeding your child when they’re hungry isn’t a bad *habit*. And this is where I have problems with their guide. There is an assumption that normal, natural things are ruining the child.
From these gentler approaches, the authors jump to a version of a cry-it-out approach. (They claim it’s a middle ground between cry and no-cry, but I feel it leans toward cry.) in essence, the parent is to go into the room every 5 minutes, say a stock phrase (“it’s bedtime now” or something similar) and then leave. The parent is to do this exactly every 5 minutes until the kid stops crying.
This is a complete 180 from the gentle ladder approach that the suggest for 0-5 months. It seems to me that if you applied the ladder approach, eventually the child will start sleeping on their own anyway. But I suppose this would take to long and parents want a quick solution. (The problem as I see it is that getting a 5 month baby to sleep on throughout the night on their own is completely unnatural! it’s only society that forces us to think that such young babies should be in a completely different room, isolated, without any comfort. And any variation of the cry method, even those who are “gentler” are an extreme measure for a 5 month baby. Sure the current science postulates that there is no lasting damage to young children through the cry it out method, but why would you want to force your baby to go through that??)
From these gentler approaches, the authors jump to a version of a cry-it-out approach. (They claim it’s a middle ground between cry and no-cry, but I feel it leans toward cry.) in essence, the parent is to go into the room every 5 minutes, say a stock phrase (“it’s bedtime now” or something similar) and then leave. The parent is to do this exactly every 5 minutes until the kid stops crying.
This is a complete 180 from the gentle ladder approach that the suggest for 0-5 months. It seems to me that if you applied the ladder approach, eventually the child will start sleeping on their own anyway. But I suppose this would take to long and parents want a quick solution. (The problem as I see it is that getting a 5 month baby to sleep on throughout the night on their own is completely unnatural! it’s only society that forces us to think that such young babies should be in a completely different room, isolated, without any comfort. And any variation of the cry method, even those who are “gentler” are an extreme measure for a 5 month baby. Sure the current science postulates that there is no lasting damage to young children through the cry it out method, but why would you want to force your baby to go through that??)
December 5, 2021
The topic of sleep for young children seems to be a minefield of emotion for many people. I don't think there is one right way to help your child figure out their sleep, but it seems like lots of people who struggle are trying to get a child to do things the parents' way versus being attuned to the needs, desires, and emerging capabilities of their kid. I chose this because Dan Seigel wrote the intro and I don't believe he would endorse a method contrary to the interpersonal neurobiology theories he espouses in his other work (in other words, more than trauma-informed). In order to grow and develop, sometimes we have to push our kids a bit, i.e. giving them time alone in their crib to figure out how to self soothe. It is not easy or comfortable to push, but sometimes its really necessary!
The sleep wave worked pretty well with my daughter at 4.5 months, although we've had hiccups along the way and each night is different still. I'm know what her "I'm hungry and/or something is wrong" cry sounds like so we don't mess around with the wave if she has a real need. I started the wave when it seemed like rocking and soothing her to sleep in my arms just wasn't working very well and we stopped co-sleeping when she stopped being able to sleep next to me. I imagine other children may not exhibit such clear signs and thats why families do all sorts of sleeping arrangements. And... i also wonder about parents who say this doesn't work at all, and their own attachment styles, childhood experiences, and ability to regulate difficult emotions. Because even a supported CIO method like this would probably trigger the shit out of someone struggling with their own complex past and emotions.
Overall, if a parent is serious about getting their kids sleep figured out and is committed to being an attuned parent, this is a great method to try.
The sleep wave worked pretty well with my daughter at 4.5 months, although we've had hiccups along the way and each night is different still. I'm know what her "I'm hungry and/or something is wrong" cry sounds like so we don't mess around with the wave if she has a real need. I started the wave when it seemed like rocking and soothing her to sleep in my arms just wasn't working very well and we stopped co-sleeping when she stopped being able to sleep next to me. I imagine other children may not exhibit such clear signs and thats why families do all sorts of sleeping arrangements. And... i also wonder about parents who say this doesn't work at all, and their own attachment styles, childhood experiences, and ability to regulate difficult emotions. Because even a supported CIO method like this would probably trigger the shit out of someone struggling with their own complex past and emotions.
Overall, if a parent is serious about getting their kids sleep figured out and is committed to being an attuned parent, this is a great method to try.
February 25, 2015
I consider Dr. Marc Weissbluth's "healthy sleep habits, happy child" to be my baby sleep bible, so I was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked this book too. I was a little skeptical going in since neither author was an MD, but I think it's an easier read and more approachable than HSHHC. I also think it's well-researched and the advice is sound. I really like the concept of "attuned parenting" as an alternative to attachment parenting- giving children reassurance that they have a loving, nurturing parent nearby but also giving them credit for what they're capable of. The "soothing ladder" technique seems to be an effective way to develop infants' self-soothing skills and I'm looking forward to trying it out with my second baby. I will still be referencing HSHHC because I appreciate the level of detail in sleep transitions from month to month as well as the case studies included in the book. But I would recommend this book too, especially since it covers sleep all the way through school age children.
November 8, 2021
Update: When I initially wrote my review I had only read the first part on babies from 0 to 4 months, which I still think is a 5-star part (including appendix). However I just read the next part (5 months to 2 years) and I got to say that I'm happy that we have an easy sleeper because I don't know if I would have the heart to try the things this books recommends. It might actually work what's described, I just don't think it would fit with the way I want to go about parenting. I lowered my rating to 4.
Original review: I have a 5 week old son and before reading this book taking care of him seemed chaotic. This book gave us a "plan of action" and my boy is much more chill thanks to it. Knowing better what to do when has given me greater confidence as a care giver. I also really like the general advice this book gives to take a curious stand as a parent.
Original review: I have a 5 week old son and before reading this book taking care of him seemed chaotic. This book gave us a "plan of action" and my boy is much more chill thanks to it. Knowing better what to do when has given me greater confidence as a care giver. I also really like the general advice this book gives to take a curious stand as a parent.
December 29, 2018
Some good info about the importance of sleep for babies, children and adults, though I’m not sure their suggested methods are really much different than cry it out or other sleep training. I was looking for suggestions for families who co sleep and need weaning advice. There is some here but it’s a bit confusing. Getting to sleep independently however it happens is a process, requires work and an ongoing commitment. Perhaps we seek out books like these in the hopes that their methods will be easier or less traumatic for babies (there is little evidence cio methods cause long term health implications for babies), and easier for parents to get back to better sleep. Every baby’s different... hoping ours will cope with some hybrid of methods.
March 26, 2020
So the information and science on sleep are fairly good. But this book styles itself a “middle road” between cry it out and attachment parenting. The basic philosophy behind the “sleep wave” is you go in and verbally assure your child using the same words every 5 minutes.
Most babies aren’t reassured by words..they’re reassured by actions...? So it’s nice your child doesn’t think you’ve died and hopefully they don’t feel abandoned, but I think there are gentler methods that feel less arbitrary and distressing.
Most babies aren’t reassured by words..they’re reassured by actions...? So it’s nice your child doesn’t think you’ve died and hopefully they don’t feel abandoned, but I think there are gentler methods that feel less arbitrary and distressing.
August 2, 2015
I enjoyed this book and did learn some useful facts about sleeping and pointers to help a child sleep better. However, I found this book very US-centric and would have liked to learn more about the benefits of napping outdoors. I wish that the book addressed sleeping and travel a bit more in-depth. I do think that this book would be very useful for parents of a child or children who are difficult to get to sleep or stay asleep.
November 17, 2018
Outstanding. This book not only does exactly what it promises to do, it sets the bar for what all baby books should be: useful, authoritative, and to-the-point. My wife and I read this book and implemented its strategies over the course of one weekend, and our daughter has been happily sleep-trained since. I recommend this to all parents of young children.
June 30, 2015
Much clearer and more concise than Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. I found this to be much more clearly organized and easier to follow.
August 8, 2023
Lots of good practical advice that is currently working for us. I will definitely return to it when we reach the next stage in the book.
April 6, 2019
This book worked really well for us. My baby goes to sleep for naps and bedtime with minimal stress now which is so freeing :-) At first she cried for about 20-30 minutes but that went down quickly and now 9/10 times, she goes to sleep with less than a minute of crying or none at all.
I will say that we stopped using the method for nighttime wakings as she was crying too long for my comfort so I went and feed/picked her up at nighttime. But it was okay because over a few weeks she stopped waking so much at night because she learned to self-settle at bedtime. I think everyone should use this book to their comfort level and not take it as gospel. For us, it didn't ruin her 'training' to be held when she woke at night and I actually still feed or rock her to sleep if we are away from home. Since it's a different setting, it doesn't ruin her ability to self-settle and it's really nice to do occasionally.
Parents know their baby best so if you feel like your baby is crying too long for your comfort or you don't use the method all the time, that's fine. Figure out what works for you and don't let your baby cry too long if you are feeling really panicky. Babies can't be spoiled and they are also smarter and more flexible than we often give them credit for. But this book worked fantastically for us for naps and bedtime. It was nice that she was given the opportunity to use her own abilities to fall asleep and it certainly didn't traumatize her. For her, I think it helps her feel safer knowing she can do things on her own to self settle. But definitely use this age-appropriately, depending on the baby. We felt our baby was ready when she was about 6-7 months.
I will say that we stopped using the method for nighttime wakings as she was crying too long for my comfort so I went and feed/picked her up at nighttime. But it was okay because over a few weeks she stopped waking so much at night because she learned to self-settle at bedtime. I think everyone should use this book to their comfort level and not take it as gospel. For us, it didn't ruin her 'training' to be held when she woke at night and I actually still feed or rock her to sleep if we are away from home. Since it's a different setting, it doesn't ruin her ability to self-settle and it's really nice to do occasionally.
Parents know their baby best so if you feel like your baby is crying too long for your comfort or you don't use the method all the time, that's fine. Figure out what works for you and don't let your baby cry too long if you are feeling really panicky. Babies can't be spoiled and they are also smarter and more flexible than we often give them credit for. But this book worked fantastically for us for naps and bedtime. It was nice that she was given the opportunity to use her own abilities to fall asleep and it certainly didn't traumatize her. For her, I think it helps her feel safer knowing she can do things on her own to self settle. But definitely use this age-appropriately, depending on the baby. We felt our baby was ready when she was about 6-7 months.
February 8, 2023
This book had me fooled until pg. 131 when it became glaringly apparent that this is Cry It Out, yet repackaged again with the word “happy” and “science-based.” Here’s a direct quote: “it’s not uncommon for babies to protest and cry for 20 to 60 minutes at bedtime, and occasionally this period is longer on the second or third night, “ (pg 131). I am also a psychotherapist I might add, and that accordingly to available credible research, cry it out has yet to proven effective or safe. A baby needing and wanting physical comfort at night is normal, biological and evolutionary. The concept put forth here that the attentive intervening parent is interfering with the baby’s ability to put themselves to sleep sounds made up. Operant conditioning is “the science” at play here. Yes, babies can learn to stop crying out when their needs will not be met. And in my opinion it is cruel. Often they are genuinely hungry or in pain or physical discomfort. We are primates wired to be in close physical proximity with our caregivers. See the research by James McKenna,Phd and Darcia Narvaez, Phd, cited hundreds of times by scholars and distinguished professors. Being a parent is exhausting. As I’m writing this right now at 12 a.m. my own infant has woken up twice already. And I go to him. Even when I’m tired, and even when well meaning and persuasive books like this one would suggest I do otherwise. Do what we’ve done for thousands of years. It really is that simple. A child left screaming for any extended amount of time is a disregulated child who needs help.
December 2, 2019
I read the first half of the book and found it very helpful. The last half of the book focused on older children which I don't need as of yet but I can come back to if needed.
This book was a suggestion for sleep help from a parenting group I am a part of. I found the suggestions to be very informative and gave great explanations of the why's, when's, how's, etc. on sleep training. My kid has gone through several sleep regressions. The 4-months was expected. The 8-months one was a wonder weeks leap that I did not realize would affect sleep but also was not wholly unexpected, especially since we were on a trip away from home. And then he went through a really rough one at 12 months. Mostly rough because I did not expect it at all and he would wake up in the middle of the night and then just scream every time I put him down for hours. After verifying it was not an ear infection or anything serious from the doctor (it was mostly related to his molars/teething pain), I needed to get some sleep! Sleep training was a must at that point and I used some of the pointers from the book.
My kid is sleeping much better now at 14 months. I am sure that we will hit some more rough patches, especially since he still wakes up once a night to nurse/change diapers, but I have a few more tricks in my bag to help when they do come up.
This book was a suggestion for sleep help from a parenting group I am a part of. I found the suggestions to be very informative and gave great explanations of the why's, when's, how's, etc. on sleep training. My kid has gone through several sleep regressions. The 4-months was expected. The 8-months one was a wonder weeks leap that I did not realize would affect sleep but also was not wholly unexpected, especially since we were on a trip away from home. And then he went through a really rough one at 12 months. Mostly rough because I did not expect it at all and he would wake up in the middle of the night and then just scream every time I put him down for hours. After verifying it was not an ear infection or anything serious from the doctor (it was mostly related to his molars/teething pain), I needed to get some sleep! Sleep training was a must at that point and I used some of the pointers from the book.
My kid is sleeping much better now at 14 months. I am sure that we will hit some more rough patches, especially since he still wakes up once a night to nurse/change diapers, but I have a few more tricks in my bag to help when they do come up.
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