The truth is, you won’t always be a priority to others, and that’s why you need to be a priority to yourself. Learn to respect yourself, take care of yourself, and become your own support system. Your needs matter. Start meeting them!
Don’t wait on others to choose you. Choose yourself today!
Seriously, it’s not your job to curb or contain yourself in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. You are amazingly worthwhile and capable right now. Not because other people think you are, but because you are in full control of the next step you take.
“Exercising your mental strength—your inner resilience—is key. And you don’t have to be born mentally strong, either. You can develop this vital character trait with daily practice.
Is it easy? Not exactly. Is it worth it? Absolutely.
And it all starts with facing the present moment fully, with genuine presence and acceptance. Even when times are relatively good, one of the hardest challenges we face in life is to simply live in our own skin—to just be right here, right now, regardless of where we are. Too often we aimlessly distract ourselves with anything and everything: food, booze, shopping, television, gossip, news, social networks, video games, smartphones, tablets—anything to keep us from being fully present.
Like Tay, it’s easy to fall into making instant judgements or assumptions about our emotional reaction without considering that it may be as much to do with what’s being triggered in our own background as with what’s happening now.
But when you feel anger – or any other difficult emotions, including resentment, frustration, envy, disgust, panic, irritation, dread, fear, et cetera – in response to something your child has done or requested, it’s a good idea to think of it as a warning. Not a warning that your child or children are necessarily doing anything wrong but that your own buttons are being pressed.
Remember, there’s always something to be negative about—and something to be grateful for. The choice is ours.
ADD THIS PHRASE to any overwhelming thought:
I need to go grocery shopping, and pay the bills, and pick the kids up from school in an hour . . . and I love it!
Let this little reframing tool give you the perspective you need. Because, again, the everyday things that overwhelm us are often blessings in disguise.
Ultimately, we grew to appreciate that although death is an ending, it is also a necessary part of living. Limits illuminate beauty, and death is the ultimate limit—a reminder that we need to celebrate this beautiful person, and appreciate this beautiful thing called life. Although deeply sad, this passing forces us to gradually reinvent our lives, and in this reinvention is an opportunity to experience beauty in new, unseen ways and places. And finally, death is an opportunity to celebrate a person’s life, and to be grateful for the beauty they showed us.
Life’s disappointments and struggles are not easy to find gratitude for, but they can become incredible paths of growth if we find the lessons in them—if we start to see everything as our teacher. Truly, the best time to focus on being grateful is when you don’t feel like it. Because that’s when doing so can make the biggest difference.
Stop blaming others for what you have or don’t have, or for what you feel or don’t feel. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility and perpetuate the problem. Stop giving your power away and start taking responsibility for your life. Blaming is just another sorry excuse, and making excuses changes nothing; you and only you are responsible for the next step you take.
Life doesn’t always introduce you to the people you want to meet. Sometimes life puts you in touch with the people you need to meet—to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to gradually strengthen you into the person you were meant to become.
It’s time to walk away from all the drama and the people who create it. Surround yourself with those who make you smile. Love the people who treat you right, and pray for the ones who don’t. Forget the negative and focus on the positive. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Making mistakes and falling down is a part of life, but getting back up and moving on is what living is all about.
If you say you’re going to do something, do it! If you say you’re going to be somewhere, be there! If you say you feel something, mean it! If you can’t, won’t, and don’t, then say so up front. Live in such a way that if someone decided to attack your character, no one would believe it. Live so that when the people around you think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.
1. Wake up every morning with the idea that something wonderful is possible today.
Smiling is a healing energy. A consistently positive attitude is the cheapest “fountain of youth.” You’ve got to dance like there’s nobody watching, love like you’ll never be hurt, sing like there’s nobody listening, and live like it’s heaven on Earth.
2. Celebrate your existence.
Your mind is the window through which you see the world. The way to make this the happiest day ever is to think, feel, walk, talk, give, and serve like you are the most fortunate person in the whole world. Open-minded, openhearted, and openhanded. Nothing more is needed.
Today, give someone one of your smiles. At the right time, a kind word from a stranger or unexpected encouragement from a friend can make all the difference in the world. Kindness is free, but it’s priceless. And as you know, what goes around comes around.
Life’s way too awesome to waste time with people who don’t treat you right. So surround yourself with people who make you happy and make you smile. People who help you up when you’re down. People who would never take advantage of you. People who genuinely care. They are the ones worth keeping in your life. Everyone else is just passing through.
Financial debt causes stress and heartache. Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one. Do not buy stuff you do not need. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects. Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you.
A smile doesn’t always mean a person is happy. Sometimes it simply means they are strong enough to face their problems.
WHEN OUR STORIES HOLD US BACK
SHE RARELY MAKES eye contact. Instead, she looks down at the ground. Because the ground is safer. Because unlike people, it expects nothing in return. The ground just accepts her for who she is.
As she sits at the bar next to me, she stares down at her vodka tonic, and then the ground, and then her vodka tonic. “Most people don’t get me,” she says. “They ask me questions like, ‘What’s your problem?’ or ‘Were you mistreated as a child?’ But I never respond. Because I don’t feel like explaining myself. And I don’t think they really care anyway.”
The music is getting loud and I can see that she needs to talk. I ask, “Want to get some fresh air?”
In the chilly night air, she tells me her story. As she speaks, her emotional gaze shifts from the ground, to my eyes, to the moonlit sky, to the ground, and back to my eyes again.
When she finishes, she says, “Well, now you know my story. You think I’m a freak, don’t you?”
“Place your right hand on your chest,” I tell her. She does. “Do you feel something?” I ask.
“Yeah, I feel my heartbeat.”
Now, place both of your hands on your face and move them around slowly.” She does. “What do you feel now?” I ask. “Well, I feel my eyes, my nose, my mouth . . . I feel my face.”
“That’s right,” I reply. “But unlike you, stories don’t have heartbeats, and they don’t have faces. Because stories are not alive . . . they’re not people. They’re just stories.”
She stares into my eyes for a long moment, smiles, and says, “Just stories we live through.”
“Yeah . . . and stories we learn from.”
OFTEN, LETTING GO has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. And that’s what this list is all about—realizing your worth, and identifying the negative ideas, habits, and people in your life that you need to let go of to move forward.
What we see often depends entirely on what we’re looking for. Do your best and surrender the rest. When you stay stuck in regret over the life you think you should have had, you end up missing the beauty of what you do have. Start being thankful for the good things in your life right now.
In many ways, not too much has changed since ancient Greece, especially when it comes to the stories we tell ourselves and each other. Every single day, we invest valuable time and energy in drama and hearsay. Many of us plug into social media first thing in the morning for reasons that have zero to do with what is true for us, good for us, and useful for those around us. Instead, we do it mostly just to distract ourselves . . . from ourselves.
Don’t fall into the trap of breaking yourself down like that for no reason. Instead, take Socrates’s advice: simply focus on what is true, good, and useful. It worked well for Socrates a couple thousand years ago, and we assure you it continues to work well for many people today.
The faster you accept this, the faster you can get on with moving forward. So don’t let failure get to your heart (or success get to your head). Do your best and let your consistent daily actions speak for themselves over the long term.
You don’t have to control everything to find peace and happiness. It lives with you always, deep within. See what happens when you loosen your grip, throw your hands into the air, and allow life to just happen and flow.
Whether it’s money, friends, or magic beans, there will always be someone who has more than you. But remember, it’s not how many you have, it’s how passionate you are about collecting them. It’s all about the journey.
The root of your happiness comes from your relationship with yourself. Sure, external entities can have fleeting effects on your mood, but in the long run nothing matters more than how you feel about who you are on the inside.
You can’t be everything to everyone. So concentrate on doing what you know in your heart is right. What others think and say about you isn’t all that important. What’s essential is how you feel about yourself.
To paraphrase Mick Jagger, you won’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might get what you need. Look around. Appreciate the things you have right now.
If you want love, give love. If you want friends, be one. If you want money, provide value.
There for future chapters. But some friends will stick. And it’s these friends—the ones who transcend time and circumstance—who matter.
You are not what happened to you in the past. No matter how chaotic the past has been, the future is a clean, fresh, wide-open slate. You are not your past habits or failures. You are not how others have at one time treated you. You are only who you think you are right now in this moment. You are only what you do right now in this moment.
Stop trying to be everything to everyone.It’s impossible. But making one person smile can change their world. So narrow your focus.
Stop cheating others just because you can get away with it. Just because you can get away with something doesn’t mean you should do it. Think bigger. Do what you know in your heart is right.
Stop making mountains out of molehills. People make mistakes. There’s no reason to stress out yourself and everyone around you because of it. Ask yourself,”Will this matter in one year’s time?” If not, let it go.
Stop giving out advice, and just listen.Less advice is often the best advice. People don’t need lots of advice, they need a listening ear and some positive reinforcement. What they want to know is already somewhere inside of them. They just need time to think, be, and breathe, and continue to explore the undirected journeys that will eventually help them find their direction.
The lens you choose to view everything through determines how you feel about yourself and everything that happens around you.
Remember, your time is priceless, but it’s free. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can spend it, but you can’t keep it. Once you’ve lost it, you can never get it back. You really do only have a short period to live. So let your dreams be bigger than your fears, and your actions louder than your words. Make your time count!
Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness, causing us to miss out on the beauty of life as it happens. To forgive is to set yourself free.
This one is simply a culmination of the previous eleven . . . Follow your heart. Be true to yourself. Do what makes you happy. Be with who makes you smile. Laugh as much as you breathe. Love as long as you live. Say what you need to say. Offer a helping hand when you’re able. Appreciate all the things you do have. Smile. Celebrate your small victories. Learn from your mistakes. Realize that everything is a lesson in disguise. Forgive. And let go of the things you can’t control.
A GOOD LIFE is when you assume nothing, do more, need less, smile often, and realize how fortunate you are right now. It’s about the simple pleasures that make you happy, the compassionate deeds you perform, the personal goals you strive to achieve, the relationships you nurture, and the legacy you leave behind.
There is no stage of life that does not contain new lessons. And as long as you follow your heart and never stop learning, you’ll turn not older, but newer every day.
You will not get what you truly deserve if you’re too attached to the things you’re supposed to let go of. Sometimes you love, and you struggle, and you learn, and you move on. And that’s OK. You must be willing to let go of the life you planned for so you can enjoy the life that is waiting for you.
You have a choice every single day. Choose to appreciate what you have. Choose to make time for yourself. Choose to do something that makes you smile. Choose to be excited. Choose to laugh at your own silliness. Choose to spend time with positive people. Choose to be persistent with your goals. Choose to try again and again. Within your choices lie all the tools and resources you need to design the life of your dreams; it’s just a matter of choosing wisely.
Mistakes teach you important lessons. Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal. The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake. So don’t hesitate—don’t doubt yourself. In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance, it’s about taking a chance. If you never act, you will never know for sure, and you will be left standing in the same spot forever. The truth is that we all fail. The greater truth is that no single failure ever defines us. Confess. Apologize. Learn. Grow wiser. Press on.
“Loving someone should not mean losing you.
True love empowers you, it doesn’t erase you. True love allows human beings to build amazing things, by working together through passion, kindness, and goodwill. So be strong enough to stand alone, be yourself enough to stand apart, but be wise enough to share your love and stand together when the time comes.
You attract what you show to the world.So if you want it, reflect it. Happiness, freedom, and peace of mind are always attained by giving them out to others without expectation. The one who blesses others is abundantly blessed; those who help others are eventually helped.
Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want. Obstacles can’t stop you. Problems can’t stop you. Other people can’t stop you. These barriers are temporary—they come and go. Which is why, over the course of a lifetime, the only barrier that can truly stop you is you. So don’t give up. Sometimes you have to journey through hell on Earth to find heaven on Earth.
Do your best with what’s in front of you and leave the rest to the powers above you.“One day your life will flash before your eyes; make sure it’s worth watching. Stop and think about it. Really think about it. What is it that you really want to do with your life? Forget what you think you should do. What excites you? What feels impossible? Be honest with yourself. Your answers don’t need to make an impression on anyone but you.
Failure is not the opposite of success, it is part of success. Failure becomes success when we learn from it. If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Instead of looking at what’s missing, and how far you still have to go, focus on what’s present, and how far you have come.
Sit alone in silence for at least ten minutes every day.
Use this time to think, plan, reflect, and dream. Creative and productive thinking flourish in solitude and silence. With quiet, you can hear your thoughts, you can reach deep within yourself, and you can focus on mapping out the next logical, productive step in your life.”
when you spend less than you make, you buy lifestyle flexibility and freedom. You are buying the ability to say yes to the things that matter, because you’re saving on the things that don’t. Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you.
If you find yourself at a point of intense decision making where you’re caught in a spiral of overanalysis and hesitation, and you’re making no progress, take a deep breath, break the spiral, make an educated guess on the next logical step, and take it. Even if you get it wrong, you will learn something that will help you get it right next time.
1. There comes a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything, but it’s not giving up. It’s realizing you don’t need certain people and things and the drama they bring.
2. You can’t control how other people feel, or how they receive your energy. Anything you do or say gets filtered through a mind-set occupied by whatever they are going through at the moment, which has nothing to do with you. Just keep doing your thing with as much love as possible.
3. If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.
4. If you want to fly, you have to give up the things that weigh you down—which is not always as obvious and easy as it sounds.
5. Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.
6. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading toward success. You don’t fail by falling down. You fail by never getting back up. Sometimes you just have to forget how you feel, remember what you deserve, and keep pushing forward.
7. The more things you own, the more your things own you. Less truly gives y