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The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self and Relationship Hardcover – January 22, 2009

by David Whyte (Author)

4.5 294 ratings

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Drawing from his own experience and the lives of some of the world?s great writers and poets, David Whyte brings compelling insights to our three most important commitments? to another, to our work, and to ourselves?to frame a complete picture of a satisfying life.

David Whyte knows there are three crucial relationships, or marriages, in our lives: the marriage or partnership with a significant other, the commitment we have to our work, and the vows, spoken or unspoken, we make to an inner, constantly developing self. In The Three Marriages, the bestselling author, poet, and speaker argues that it is not possible to sacrifice one relationship for the others without causing deep psychological damage. Too often, he says, we fracture our lives and split our energies foolishly, so that one or more of these marriages is sacrificed and may wither and die, in the process impoverishing them all. Whyte looks to a different way of seeing and connecting these relationships and prompts us to examine each marriage with a fierce but affectionate eye as he shows us the importance of cherishing all three equally.

Drawing from his own struggles to achieve this goal as well as exploring the lives of some of the world?s great writers and activists?from Dante to Joan of Arc, from Austen to Dickinson?Whyte reveals that our core commitments are irrevocably connected. Only by understanding the simultaneously robust and delicate nature of the three marriages and the stages of their maturation, he maintains, can we create a real portrait of what makes us tick and a real sense of finding a place in the world.

In prose that?s at once lyrical and inviting, Whyte investigates captivating ideas for bringing a deeper satisfaction to our lives, one that goes beyond our previously held ideas of balance.

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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Poet David Whyte grew up among the hills and valleys of Yorkshire, England. The author of four books of poetry, he is one of the few poets to take his perspectives on creativity into the field of organizational development, where he works with many American and international companies. He holds a degree in Marine Zoology, and has traveled extensively, including working as a naturalist guide and leading anthropological and natural history expeditions. He brings this wealth of experiences to his poetry, lectures and workshops.

In organizational settings, using poetry and thoughtful commentary, he illustrates how we can foster qualities of courage and engagement; qualities needed if we are to respond to today’s call for increased creativity and adaptability in the workplace. He brings a unique and important contribution to our understanding of the nature of individual and organizational change.

In addition to his four volumes of poetry, David Whyte is the author of The Heart Aroused: Poetry and the Preservation of the Soul in Corporate America, published by Doubleday/Currency, an audio cassette lecture series, and an album of poetry and music. His new book of prose, "Crossing the Unknown Sea: Work as Pilgrimage of Identity" was published in hardcover by Riverhead Books in March, 2001, and is coming out in paperback in April, 2002. He lives with his family in the Pacific Northwest.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ 1594488606
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Riverhead Hardcover; 1st edition (January 22, 2009)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 352 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9781594488603
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1594488603
Reading age ‏ : ‎ 18 years and up
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.3 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.3 x 1.21 x 9.32 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #536,985 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #8,866 in Motivational Self-Help (Books)
- #11,458 in Personal Transformation Self-Help
- #13,726 in Psychology & Counseling

Customer Reviews:
4.5 294 ratings

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David Whyte

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Internationally acclaimed poet David Whyte makes his home in the Pacific Northwest, where rain and changeable skies remind him the other, more distant homes from which he comes: Yorkshire, Wales and Ireland. He travels and lectures throughout the world, bringing his own and others' poetry to large audiences.

He holds a degree in Marine Zoology, honorary degrees from Neumann University in Pennsylvania and Royal Roads University in Victoria, British Columbia, and is an Associate Fellow of the Said Business School at the University of Oxford. He is the author of eight volumes of poetry and four books of prose, as well as a collection of audio recordings.

POETRY

The Sea in You (2015)

Pilgrim (2012)

River Flow: New & Selected Poems (2006)

Everything is Waiting for You (2003)

The House of Belonging (1996)

Fire in the Earth (1992)

PROSE

Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment & Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words (2014)

The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self & Relationship

Crossing the Unknown Sea: Work as a Pilgrimage of Identity

The Heart Aroused: Poetry and the Preservation of the Soul in Corporate America

AUDIO LECTURES

Hidden Harvests: The Inner Seasons of Everyday Life

Solace: The Art of Asking the Beautiful Question

A Great Invitation: The Path of Risk and Revelation

Pilgrim Audio Companion

When the Heart Breaks

Sweet Darkness

A Change for the Better: Poetry and the Reimagination of Midlife

Midlife & the Great Unknown

The Echo in the Well

Making a Friend of the Unknown

The Poetry of Self Compassion

The Teacher's Vocation: Nurturing the Imagination of Others

Thresholds: Navigating the Difficult Transitions of Life

POETRY & MUSIC ALBUMS

Sometimes

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4.5 out of 5

294 global ratings

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Fantastic book, I recommend it wholeheartedly

Reviewed in the United States on April 14, 2024

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This book is accessible on many levels. I appreciated the underpinnings of the Four Noble Truths that becomes clearer in the “Marriage of Marriages”

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Joyce

Core Conversations With Life

Reviewed in the United States on September 22, 2012

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Whyte, a poet, applies his poetic insights to the whole of life, seeing it as three marriages: to a special person, to one's work, to oneself. Rather than talking about balancing these parts of one's life, he sees each "marriage" as "a core conversation with life that seems necessary for almost all human beings," even if the conversation is carried on unconsciously. He uses the life examples of writers like Jane Austen, Robert Louis Stevenson, Charles Dickens, J.K. Rowling, and spiritual teacher Pema Chodron to illustrate his points. Here is a nugget for each of the three marriages: The marriage to another person is a place to discuss one another's three marriages. The marriage to work involves deciding what we want to bring about in the world. And silence of one kind or another is necessary to come to terms with the marriage to self. This book has some stunning stories and good resources for deepening your life.

23 people found this helpful

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Joseph C. Waters

The Three Marriages

Reviewed in the United States on September 23, 2009

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The Three Marriages is an easy read and worthwhile. Not as worthwhile as the title might imply, but worthwhile. It has some good illustrations about committment and some untentional (unbeknownst to the author) illustrations about not-quite-so-completed committments. The idea is that people can be (and need to be) loyal and completely committed to more than one thing and/or person at the same time, and do not need to slight one for the other.

Someone made a comment about a political speech that it was, "A corporal of thought accompanied by an army of words." This book illustrates something to the converse. It is a king of thought accompained by an inadequate army.

It should be read, as Sir Francis Bacon might be paraphrased, "Not for argument, but to consider."

11 people found this helpful

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Rayellen

I love this book

Reviewed in the United States on September 14, 2014

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I love this book, and more importantly, the truths it invites me to contemplate and let in. First, I listened to it all the way through on audio--twice, and then I felt compelled to buy the paper version so that I could re-read and highlight sections that were impactful. It is one of the most ambitious narratives I've ever read, with the author's and other biographies woven throughout three sections. These stories act to set you up to receive unexpected and deep gems of wisdom David Whyte lovingly and drops along the story path. I'd also buy the Crib notes, just those gems neatly packaged without the illustrative stories, but only after gaining the full appreciation of the richness of how the stories help make the point. This is a fantastic selection for a multi-session discussion group.

7 people found this helpful

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Rob Prouse

Thought provoking with great literary examples

Reviewed in the United States on September 2, 2015

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This isn't a self help book but it does encourage the reader to ask valuable questions about their own relationships with work, partner and self. It is honest and and insightful though at time a bit verbose

4 people found this helpful

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Hydeh Aubon

the three marrriages by David Whyte

Reviewed in the United States on September 19, 2010

Verified Purchase

All through this tape, you feel the presence of a true poet who is sharing his poetic, painful, joyful, rich and the inseparable mundanity and magicality of his encounters with people, moments, sceneries, nature, words and in short Life.

David Whyte is a beautiful piece in the enigma of existence. His presence and the flow of this rich dimension of his beautiful inner world is rich enough that you can take this tape, or book, be in a small room, on top of a mountain, a crowded place, a hospital bed, in a train cabin, a small café, facing the ocean or....and be inspired endlessly.

His work is a gift. A gift that never stops giving,

May his work reach the searching souls who seek poetry, beauty, accepting, fighting, surviving, thriving and beyond.

10 people found this helpful

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Reen

Enlightening - a different method for viewing WORK !

Reviewed in the United States on March 21, 2011

Verified Purchase

David Whyte takes you on an in-depth journey to what you are really about and establishes the words to define how committed we can be to our work. I find I am a sponge just soaking up what he is laying out before the reader. Examine it, see what fits for you, how you define yourself for all 3 levels. I never thought of a marriage to "self", but that is part of our journey throughout our lives. The exploration and acceptable of ourselves does take a commitment - a marriage of sorts. Then there is the "self" that is defined by work, our careers, the companies we work for and colleagues we spend so much time with during the work day. We are always asked "what is it that you do"? at parties, the hairdresser, at a church meeting - every where! I feel I have made my marriage to work my own path. Yes, I followed the rules, but added in what I like to do to make things better, with my colleagues and being true to myself along the way. After 30 years of working, I find this book bring me to a new horizon. How can I re-commit myself to all three and how do I shape the years ahead for me and those I mentor? Enjoy the journey for we are always growing up!

17 people found this helpful

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Warren Jessop

Fantastic read.

Reviewed in the United States on February 19, 2022

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Whatever stage of life you are in, this book will deepen your experience with life, with your career, your partner and with everything around you. 5 stars, because I can't leave 6.

7 people found this helpful

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Top reviews from other countries

Steffen LT

Intricate and colorful writing.

Reviewed in Canada on May 10, 2023

Verified Purchase

David Whyte's writing style isn't going to be for everybody. Unsurprisingly (because he's a poet primarily), the writing is very poetic. Every sentence is written with a lot style and color and invitation. Its not an easy read. But its very rewarding. I can't think of another non-fiction book so rich in passion. Despite the fairly generic title, it feels like the author has a district perspective to share on the subjects. You don't need to finish the book to feel inspired. Each subsection is in itself rewarding.

Dr. Peter Davies

Balanced

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 28, 2013

Verified Purchase

This is David Whyte at his best. He has written this book well, describing how we are constantly balancing ourselves between work, self and relationships. He points out that we have personal relationships to each component- to our sel, to our work, to our relationships. Whyte argues against trying to compartmentalise our lives too much. There is not time to divide our life into chunks, or to become different people in different settings.

What he's basically arguing for is development of character and depth, so producing stable and effective relationships in whatever context we are. His argument is for presence in whatever we are doing now.

Whyte is a fascinating writer who blends many themes into a helpful synthesis. This is a great book and ranks well alongside his earlier classic The Heart Aroused.

16 people found this helpful

Amazon Customer

Fascinating Perspective

Reviewed in Canada on April 7, 2017

Verified Purchase

David Whyte has a way of articulating aspects of inner life that I've felt, but have never been able to put into words. He's given me a language and a conceptual framework from which to see, and describe, and explore.

One person found this helpful

jumpingjack

An Enriching Read

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 3, 2015

Verified Purchase

A gift of a book. Written with depth and compassion. David Whyte deftly weaves the lives of writers and thinkers with his personal reflections, poetry and philosophy. It is a generous, intelligent, humorous and reflective book. It had for me the quality of an unexpected and deeply rewarding conversation with a stranger, the sense of having encountered something that is not contained by the encounter, but takes on a life of its own and continues to enrich long after the last page is turned.

4 people found this helpful