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The Good Life
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Best Nonfiction (2023)‘In a crowded field of life advice and even life advice based on scientific research, Schulz and Waldinger stand apart’ Angela Duckworth, author of Grit
What is the key to a good life?
It is a question that preoccupies us all and one that the longest and most successful study of happiness ever conducted strives to answer. In this groundbreaking book, directors of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz, bring together over 80 years of research to reveal the true components of a happy, fulfilled life.
The Good Life makes clear that what truly makes a rich and happy life is not synonymous with financial success and achievement, but is rather the result of our relationships. This remarkable work brings together scientific precision, traditional wisdom, incredible real-life stories and actionable insights to prove once and for all that our own wellbeing and ability to flourish is absolutely within our control.
'An outstanding book. It combines the longest and richest study of human lives anywhere with two remarkable authors of extraordinary breadth' Richard Layard, author of Can We Be Happier?
‘This captivating, powerful book shows us scientifically and practically how to define, create and most importantly live the good life’ Jay Shetty
What is the key to a good life?
It is a question that preoccupies us all and one that the longest and most successful study of happiness ever conducted strives to answer. In this groundbreaking book, directors of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz, bring together over 80 years of research to reveal the true components of a happy, fulfilled life.
The Good Life makes clear that what truly makes a rich and happy life is not synonymous with financial success and achievement, but is rather the result of our relationships. This remarkable work brings together scientific precision, traditional wisdom, incredible real-life stories and actionable insights to prove once and for all that our own wellbeing and ability to flourish is absolutely within our control.
'An outstanding book. It combines the longest and richest study of human lives anywhere with two remarkable authors of extraordinary breadth' Richard Layard, author of Can We Be Happier?
‘This captivating, powerful book shows us scientifically and practically how to define, create and most importantly live the good life’ Jay Shetty
341 pages, Hardcover
First published January 10, 2023
About the author
Robert Waldinger
4 books109 followersRobert J. Waldinger (born 1951) is an American psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, and Zen priest. He is a part-time Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and directs the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest-running studies of adult life ever conducted.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 872 reviews
February 8, 2024
Forget money, fame, and fancy stuff! The secret to a great life, researchers say, is having good friends and family around you.
This is what a super long study found, following folks for ages!
The book tells real stories from the study's participants, making it easier to understand.
Here's what they learned:
Friends and family matter most: Hanging out with loved ones makes you happier and healthier, both physically and mentally. Being alone stinks!
Quality over quantity: It's not about having a million friends, but having close ones who really understand you.
Put effort into your relationships: Just like a plant, friendships need watering! Spend time together and talk things out.
Be close emotionally: Share your feelings and listen to others. This deep connection makes everything better.
Love isn't just for couples: Good friends and family bring love too!
Money and fame aren't everything: They might be fun, but they won't make you truly happy.
All of this helps you live a full and happy life!
This is what a super long study found, following folks for ages!
The book tells real stories from the study's participants, making it easier to understand.
Here's what they learned:
Friends and family matter most: Hanging out with loved ones makes you happier and healthier, both physically and mentally. Being alone stinks!
Quality over quantity: It's not about having a million friends, but having close ones who really understand you.
Put effort into your relationships: Just like a plant, friendships need watering! Spend time together and talk things out.
Be close emotionally: Share your feelings and listen to others. This deep connection makes everything better.
Love isn't just for couples: Good friends and family bring love too!
Money and fame aren't everything: They might be fun, but they won't make you truly happy.
All of this helps you live a full and happy life!
November 28, 2022
Good life is good friends, good family, good relationships
Everyone wants to know what makes a happy and fulfilling life, but how do you find out? As The Good Life says, “We are always comparing our insides to other people’s outsides”. Harvard has been taking on this challenge in a study that began more than 80 years ago and has followed participants and their descendants ever since. The present-day directors of the Harvard study provide the results, which found that good relationships of all sorts are the key.
The idea of a study to learn what makes people happy is very intriguing, I wanted to know how they designed such a study and what kinds of statistics they used. I was a bit disappointed that there was not more information of this sort, although there were some interesting tidbits, such as the fact that one of the participants was President John F Kennedy, Jr., who was a student at Harvard when the study began. I also would have liked to see more information on other factors that contribute to happiness.
The Good Life has general discussions of relationships, with information from many other studies and sources like Aristotle, Lewis Carroll, the US Department of Health and Human Services and Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman. There are separate chapters on intimate relationships, family relationships, relationships at work, and other relationships like your book group or the guy at your local drugstore.
My feeling as I finished the book was that there was interesting information about how important it was to have relationships but not really enough detail to be a practical guide. Over the next few days, though, I had to change my mind. My neighbor was telling me she had begun home-schooling her daughter because of bullying at school, and I brought up and we discussed how important it is to give her other sources of relationships. I also returned an Amazon purchase at a local dropoff location and noted the employee looked rather bored. I asked him how the refunds work, and we engaged in a short conversation about it. He was much perkier when I left. My neighbor and the store employee felt better, and so did I .
This book made me both more aware of the importance of relationships and more likely to actively cultivate them. I think the authors accomplished their goal.
I received an advance review copy of this book from Edelweiss and the publisher.
Everyone wants to know what makes a happy and fulfilling life, but how do you find out? As The Good Life says, “We are always comparing our insides to other people’s outsides”. Harvard has been taking on this challenge in a study that began more than 80 years ago and has followed participants and their descendants ever since. The present-day directors of the Harvard study provide the results, which found that good relationships of all sorts are the key.
The idea of a study to learn what makes people happy is very intriguing, I wanted to know how they designed such a study and what kinds of statistics they used. I was a bit disappointed that there was not more information of this sort, although there were some interesting tidbits, such as the fact that one of the participants was President John F Kennedy, Jr., who was a student at Harvard when the study began. I also would have liked to see more information on other factors that contribute to happiness.
The Good Life has general discussions of relationships, with information from many other studies and sources like Aristotle, Lewis Carroll, the US Department of Health and Human Services and Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman. There are separate chapters on intimate relationships, family relationships, relationships at work, and other relationships like your book group or the guy at your local drugstore.
My feeling as I finished the book was that there was interesting information about how important it was to have relationships but not really enough detail to be a practical guide. Over the next few days, though, I had to change my mind. My neighbor was telling me she had begun home-schooling her daughter because of bullying at school, and I brought up and we discussed how important it is to give her other sources of relationships. I also returned an Amazon purchase at a local dropoff location and noted the employee looked rather bored. I asked him how the refunds work, and we engaged in a short conversation about it. He was much perkier when I left. My neighbor and the store employee felt better, and so did I .
This book made me both more aware of the importance of relationships and more likely to actively cultivate them. I think the authors accomplished their goal.
I received an advance review copy of this book from Edelweiss and the publisher.
February 2, 2023
Audiobook….read by Robert Waldinger M.D.
…..11 hours and 9 minutes
I was pretty jazzed at the start — about the remarkable
80 year Harvard study … (to study anything for 80 years)….
But soon — I grew bored ….
granted I have covid > perhaps my mind is spinning off into altered states.
But for such an extensive study — all the time (years) - and money spent on educators studying what makes for a happy life, a fulfilling life? A good life?…..
it started to feel over-bloated … turning common sense into a major production.
Bottom line- you guessed it: our relationships matter.
…..11 hours and 9 minutes
I was pretty jazzed at the start — about the remarkable
80 year Harvard study … (to study anything for 80 years)….
But soon — I grew bored ….
granted I have covid > perhaps my mind is spinning off into altered states.
But for such an extensive study — all the time (years) - and money spent on educators studying what makes for a happy life, a fulfilling life? A good life?…..
it started to feel over-bloated … turning common sense into a major production.
Bottom line- you guessed it: our relationships matter.
January 28, 2023
I was really excited for this book, and the opening chapters started out strong. An evidence-based book on the science of happiness, from the world's longest longitudinal population study? Sold.
And as I said, I really loved the initial few chapters, particularly the context on how this study came about, and the bird's eye view on relationships in general. However, as the book progressed, it just became a bit too self-helpy. I stay away from self-help, as no matter how well-intentioned, I can't just help but side-eye the authors. Sure, your advice sounds good, but what's your expertise? What's the data?
That's why I thought this book would be different, because it should be so data-driven. And I'm sure it is, and I don't argue with the good advice that Dr. Waldinger and Dr. Schulz have. I just wish that it was presented in a more evidence-based manner. Many of the lessons from The Happiness Study were more anecdotal - and yes, these anecdotes are the basis of the research conclusions, and yes, no one wants to read a boring dry academic paper utilizing mixed methodologies - except, I sort of did.
I think I was looking for a book that was more along the lines of non-fiction (like Thinking, Fast and Slow), but what I got was self-help. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the book, and I agree with its fundamental thesis. And there were even some exercises the authors offered that I think are truly insightful. But it just wasn't quite what I was looking for.
And as I said, I really loved the initial few chapters, particularly the context on how this study came about, and the bird's eye view on relationships in general. However, as the book progressed, it just became a bit too self-helpy. I stay away from self-help, as no matter how well-intentioned, I can't just help but side-eye the authors. Sure, your advice sounds good, but what's your expertise? What's the data?
That's why I thought this book would be different, because it should be so data-driven. And I'm sure it is, and I don't argue with the good advice that Dr. Waldinger and Dr. Schulz have. I just wish that it was presented in a more evidence-based manner. Many of the lessons from The Happiness Study were more anecdotal - and yes, these anecdotes are the basis of the research conclusions, and yes, no one wants to read a boring dry academic paper utilizing mixed methodologies - except, I sort of did.
I think I was looking for a book that was more along the lines of non-fiction (like Thinking, Fast and Slow), but what I got was self-help. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the book, and I agree with its fundamental thesis. And there were even some exercises the authors offered that I think are truly insightful. But it just wasn't quite what I was looking for.
January 14, 2023
It's such a curiosity: if there is one thing we truly all have in common, is that we strive for something called a good life. We can claim that with a certainty and yet, when it comes to defining what makes our time on this planet good, we become less sure. Enter the Harvard Study!
This book was written by two psychologists who have been taking care of the longest study on happiness ever conducted. It's a pretty famous study, there have been Ted talks and articles on it, but it deserves all the attention. A couple of scientists basically started tracking the health of a bunch of Harvard sophomores in 1938 (!) during the Great Depression. Every two years, the participants filled out questionnaires and were interviewed, most of them doing this for a lifetime and even many of their children ended up taking part in this as well and more people were added to the cohort, making the study comprise more than a thousand different people. After eighty years of collecting data we are now presented with an informative look on what makes a happy life.
So yes, genetics matter, but. You know those people who like to claim that they just had bad luck, were born into a bad family and had more hardships than others? They might have had and certainly that plays a role in our levels of happiness. It's unfair and frustrating, but the good side of it is that the things we can't control, such as our temperamental wiring and how we process things, isn't playing the biggest role in determining how happy we end up being.
It's the people in our lives! Probably the biggest revelation is that even more than physical health, our relationships with other people determine how happy we feel. Close ties to others can make us cope better with hardships and even delay physical and mental decline in later years. This book delivers the message with many examples of participants of the study and tells its tale in a way that I found very compassionate and touching.
Waldinger and Schulz also go more in-depth about how to make relationships good. Being attentive is a big factor for example and it's spoken about how most of us work significantly less than our ancestors, while not feeling less stressed. It's a strange cultural phenomena that gets attributed to the vast quantity of stimuli we're exposed to and how giving our full attention to something, or in this case, someone, has become some desirable and precious.
There are more chapters exploring specific aspects of the study's results. The role of money is addressed for example: so yes, having money does increase our wellbeing, but only to a certain degree. To say that the more money we've got, the happier we are isn't quite accurate. There are more little facts like these, all presented in a clear and empathetic manner, which I really enjoyed hearing about.
Overall, the study is pretty famous and there exists tons of material that presents its results in a more condensed way, but if you enjoy a bit of storytelling and little fun facts, this is a great and uplifting read.
Thanks to libro.fm, the publishers and authors for brining my attention to this.
This book was written by two psychologists who have been taking care of the longest study on happiness ever conducted. It's a pretty famous study, there have been Ted talks and articles on it, but it deserves all the attention. A couple of scientists basically started tracking the health of a bunch of Harvard sophomores in 1938 (!) during the Great Depression. Every two years, the participants filled out questionnaires and were interviewed, most of them doing this for a lifetime and even many of their children ended up taking part in this as well and more people were added to the cohort, making the study comprise more than a thousand different people. After eighty years of collecting data we are now presented with an informative look on what makes a happy life.
So yes, genetics matter, but. You know those people who like to claim that they just had bad luck, were born into a bad family and had more hardships than others? They might have had and certainly that plays a role in our levels of happiness. It's unfair and frustrating, but the good side of it is that the things we can't control, such as our temperamental wiring and how we process things, isn't playing the biggest role in determining how happy we end up being.
It's the people in our lives! Probably the biggest revelation is that even more than physical health, our relationships with other people determine how happy we feel. Close ties to others can make us cope better with hardships and even delay physical and mental decline in later years. This book delivers the message with many examples of participants of the study and tells its tale in a way that I found very compassionate and touching.
Waldinger and Schulz also go more in-depth about how to make relationships good. Being attentive is a big factor for example and it's spoken about how most of us work significantly less than our ancestors, while not feeling less stressed. It's a strange cultural phenomena that gets attributed to the vast quantity of stimuli we're exposed to and how giving our full attention to something, or in this case, someone, has become some desirable and precious.
There are more chapters exploring specific aspects of the study's results. The role of money is addressed for example: so yes, having money does increase our wellbeing, but only to a certain degree. To say that the more money we've got, the happier we are isn't quite accurate. There are more little facts like these, all presented in a clear and empathetic manner, which I really enjoyed hearing about.
Overall, the study is pretty famous and there exists tons of material that presents its results in a more condensed way, but if you enjoy a bit of storytelling and little fun facts, this is a great and uplifting read.
Thanks to libro.fm, the publishers and authors for brining my attention to this.
February 26, 2023
This book could’ve been half as long, they’ve essentially managed to make a huge tome out of the conclusion that “good relationships make us happier and healthier”. I agree with the premise and the research by my God they dragged it out.
I highlighted some passages, more towards the start of the book, so I did get some good advice and reassurance from it, but then essentially skim-read the second half. Lots about marriage, kids and corporate jobs, none of which were relevant to me. I can’t fault the book for that, but it seemed to be aimed at people in those situations somewhat. I could also have done without the long anecdotal tales of various study participants - here and there they were interesting but they seemed to make up half the book.
I probably should’ve just watched the Ted talk 😆
I highlighted some passages, more towards the start of the book, so I did get some good advice and reassurance from it, but then essentially skim-read the second half. Lots about marriage, kids and corporate jobs, none of which were relevant to me. I can’t fault the book for that, but it seemed to be aimed at people in those situations somewhat. I could also have done without the long anecdotal tales of various study participants - here and there they were interesting but they seemed to make up half the book.
I probably should’ve just watched the Ted talk 😆
February 12, 2023
4.0 Stars
This was such a fascinating summary of this long running study. The actual participants were all white guys, but I appreciated that the book acknowledged the lack of intersectionality and attempted to be inclusive.
The main finding was introduced right at the beginning so it's not a spoiler that the key to happiness and longevity is relationships (of all kinds). It's a good reminder for me to invest time in my friends and family connections.
Disclaimer I received a copy of this book from LibroFM. Here's my referral link if you are interested in an audiobook trial: https://libro.fm/referral?rf_code=lfm...
This was such a fascinating summary of this long running study. The actual participants were all white guys, but I appreciated that the book acknowledged the lack of intersectionality and attempted to be inclusive.
The main finding was introduced right at the beginning so it's not a spoiler that the key to happiness and longevity is relationships (of all kinds). It's a good reminder for me to invest time in my friends and family connections.
Disclaimer I received a copy of this book from LibroFM. Here's my referral link if you are interested in an audiobook trial: https://libro.fm/referral?rf_code=lfm...
February 10, 2023
I read in the New York Times that Harvard has been doing a study on happiness since the 1930's. Since I always take the start of a new year as a chance to improve myself, I thought reading The Good Life by smartypants Robert Waldinger, MD and Marc Shulz, PHD would be a good idea. There are many ways I Feel I can improve my life. Perhaps eating an entire box of Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies may not be the healthiest choice. Maybe I already have too many ferral cats roaming around my home, and the one I am currently carrying with me in this burlap bag might be a tad over the top. It looks like an alpha, and I definitely do not want another uprising like what happened during the great exile of 1998.According to these Harvard smartypants, the secret to happiness is not money, or your career (those those are absolutely important) but the relationships we have with our family, friends, and even the passing interactions we go through daily. There was a test performed on the folks who take the subway to work.They assigned a number of these commuters to not have any conversations with their fellow passengers (as we all know these types of conversations can lead to madness). And they assigned others to actually have these conversations. It turns out the commuters who had to endure these horribly awkward conversations were ultimately happier than the sane people who kept to themselves.There were lots of great tricks and tips on how to make your relationships stronger. As a sad, angry, scared, and friendless person myself, I found many of these helpful, and I made many notes to improve my relationships. Such as not speaking with a mouthful of scrumptious Thin Mint cookies (what I call te say it , don't spray it rule); or be more in the moment with my family and friends: stop hiding ferrall cats in their coat pockets, purses, or fanny packs. Hopefully these will make me happier and extend my life. In the meantime, if anyone wants to be my friend, feel free to drop in and have a beer or two!
December 26, 2022
The “World’s Longest Study on Happiness” revealed nothing surprising. Happy humans need connection. It’s an interesting collection of examples and quotes; more academic than inspiring.
October 26, 2023
The Good Life draws on what has been learned from the world's longest scientific study of happiness, the Harvard Study of Adult Development, to help people use that information to create a good life for themselves. The study began over eighty years ago, and is ongoing today. Instead of looking at what goes wrong in people's lives, this study chose to concentrate on the factors that make for a good life.
The authors begin the book by asking a question: If you had to make one life choice, right now, to set yourself on the path to future health and happiness, what would it be?
That gets you thinking, doesn't it?
And what is the answer? Here is what the authors say:
"For eighty-four years (and counting), the Harvard Study has tracked the same individuals, asking thousands of questions and taking hundreds of measurements to find out what really keeps people healthy and happy. Through all the years of studying these lives, one crucial factor stands out for the consistency and power of its ties to physical health, mental health, and longevity. Contrary to what many people might think, it’s not career achievement, or exercise, or a healthy diet. Don’t get us wrong; these things matter (a lot). But one thing continuously demonstrates its broad and enduring importance: Good relationships. In fact, good relationships are significant enough that if we had to take all eighty-four years of the Harvard Study and boil it down to a single principle for living, one life investment that is supported by similar findings across a wide variety of other studies, it would be this: Good relationships keep us healthier and happier. Period."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 10). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
The rest of the book deals with ways to build better relationships.
I think this study and this book are fantastic tools, tools we urgently need in our world. If you have any interest in having a better world or a happier life, I strongly recommend this book to you.
Here are a few more of my takeaways from this book...
"Recent research has shown that for older people loneliness is twice as unhealthy as obesity, and chronic loneliness increases a person’s odds of death in any given year by 26 percent."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (pp. 92-93). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"In the United States, a 2018 study suggested that three out of four adults felt moderate to high levels of loneliness." (My note: And this was before the pandemic!)
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 93). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"Our strongest feelings emerge from our connections with other people, and while the social world is filled with pleasures and meaning, it also contains doses of disappointment and pain. We get hurt by the people we love. We feel the sting when they disappoint us or leave us, and the emptiness when they die. The impulse to avoid these negative experiences in relationships makes sense. But if we want the benefits of being involved with other people, we have to tolerate a certain amount of risk."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 112). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"Curiosity—real, deep curiosity about what others are experiencing—goes a long way in important relationships. It opens up avenues of conversation and knowledge that we never knew were there. It helps others feel understood and appreciated. It’s important even in less significant relationships, where it can set a precedent of caring and increase the strength of new, fragile bonds."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 113). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"...research...shows...some of the natural outgrowths of focused attention: reciprocal love and consideration, a sense of belonging, and positive feeling about human relationships in general—which then leads to more positive relationships, and better health."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 137). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"It’s one of the great ironies of life—and the subject of millions of songs, films, and great works of literature—that the people who make us feel the most alive and who know us best are also the people able to hurt us most."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 141). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"It’s often easier to turn away than it is to confront what troubles us. But doing so can have unintended consequences, and the effect of avoidance can be especially pronounced in the place it happens most: our personal relationships. Many studies have shown that when we avoid confronting challenges in a relationship, not only does the problem not go away, but it can get worse."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 146). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"The model that follows provides a way for you to slow your reactions and put them under a microscope. We offer it as something you can keep in your back pocket (metaphorically) and use anytime, for any emotional situation."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 149). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"The W.I.S.E.R. Model of Reacting to Emotionally Challenging Situations and Relationship Events:
Stage One: Watch.
Watch refers to the entire situation: the environment, the person you’re interacting with, and you. Is the situation unusual or common? What typically happens next? What have I not considered that might be an important part of what is unfolding?
Stage Two: Interpret
This is the stage where things often go wrong. Just asking the question—What is it I’m assuming here?—can bring what looks like a mountain closer into line with its molehill reality. Assumptions are the source of an incredible amount of misunderstanding. As the old saying goes, Never assume, because when you assume, you make an ass of u and me. But it’s also possible to err in the opposite direction and make true mountains into molehills...
Stage Three: Select
Now the question becomes: What should I do? Slowing down can allow us to consider possibilities and think about the likelihood of success for those possibilities...The key is to try to slow things down where you can, zoom in, and move from a fully automatic response to a more considered and purposeful response that aligns with who you are and what you are seeking to accomplish.
Stage Four: Engage (Implementing with Care)
Even the most logical response can fail if we do a poor job implementing that strategy. Practice—either in our minds or running it by a trusted confidant—can help. Chances of success also increase if we first reflect on what we do well and what we don’t do so well.
Stage Five: Reflect
How did that work out? Did I make things better or worse? Have I learned something new about the challenge I’m facing and about the best response?
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"Not every type of emotion is equally predictive of the health of a relationship, however. Some are particularly important, and in our study, two categories of emotion stood out: Empathy and affection."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 177). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"These missteps are not failures or signs that dancing together is impossible. Instead, they are opportunities to learn...In the end, what matters most are not the challenges we face in relationships, but how we manage them."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 180). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
'Whatever the “problem” is, the implication is clear: my partner needs to be fixed. But in reality, there’s almost always a deeper, more complex tension within the relationship that the couple has not acknowledged. Discovering that tension usually requires both self-reflection and conversation.'
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 181). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"The intense feelings that emerge in recurring arguments, however trivial, often come down to one of a few common, but profound concerns. See if any of these ring a bell:
You don’t care about me.
I’m working harder at this than you are.
I’m not sure I can trust you.
I’m afraid I’m going to lose you.
You don’t think I’m good enough."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 181). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"Mutual, reciprocal vulnerability can lead to stronger and more secure relationships. The ability for partners to trust and be vulnerable with each other—to pause, notice their own and their partner’s emotions, and comfortably share their fears—is one of the most powerful relationship skills that a couple can cultivate. It can also relieve a lot of stress, because both partners can get the support they need without having to muster energy in an attempt to be stronger than they really are. If we do manage to cultivate a strong and trusting bond, we’re still not out of the woods, because even the best relationships are susceptible to decay. Just as trees need water, intimate relationships are living things, and as the seasons of life pass they can’t be left to fend for themselves. They need attention, and nourishment."
'There are a few additional techniques that might be useful in that case. One is known as “reflective listening.” It helps us make sure we’re hearing correctly what our partner is trying to say, and it shows that we care, that we are trying to empathize. It works like this: First, listen without commenting. Then, try to communicate what you’ve heard your partner say without judgment...'
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 194). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"A second technique that is helpful in its own right and can make reflective listening even more valuable is to offer some understanding of your partner’s reasons for a feeling or behavior. The goal is not to point out your brilliance and ability to see things your partner cannot, but to let your partner know that you see them. You want to communicate that it makes sense that she feels this way or that he is behaving in that way, and to nurture that bedrock of empathy and affection that research has shown to be valuable."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 194). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
'A third useful practice is to try to step back a bit from the conversation, a practice that psychologists call “self-distancing,” and look at your experience as if you are watching someone else.'
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 194). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"...there are a couple of simple (though difficult!) things we can do to encourage our ability to see what’s really happening, and thus be more likely to reap the benefits of corrective experience. First, we can tune in to difficult feelings rather than try to ignore them. Second, we can notice when we are having experiences that are more positive than we expected. Third, we can try to “catch” other people when they are behaving well...The final and most powerful approach is simply to remain open to the possibility of people behaving differently than we expect."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 216). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
And, shades of Mister Rogers...
"One simple thing we can all do is to notice when we find ourselves wanting someone to be different than they are. We can ask ourselves, What if I just let this person be themselves without passing judgment? How would this moment be different? Recognizing another person for who they are and meeting them where they are can go a long way toward deepening a connection."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (pp. 219-220). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
The authors begin the book by asking a question: If you had to make one life choice, right now, to set yourself on the path to future health and happiness, what would it be?
That gets you thinking, doesn't it?
And what is the answer? Here is what the authors say:
"For eighty-four years (and counting), the Harvard Study has tracked the same individuals, asking thousands of questions and taking hundreds of measurements to find out what really keeps people healthy and happy. Through all the years of studying these lives, one crucial factor stands out for the consistency and power of its ties to physical health, mental health, and longevity. Contrary to what many people might think, it’s not career achievement, or exercise, or a healthy diet. Don’t get us wrong; these things matter (a lot). But one thing continuously demonstrates its broad and enduring importance: Good relationships. In fact, good relationships are significant enough that if we had to take all eighty-four years of the Harvard Study and boil it down to a single principle for living, one life investment that is supported by similar findings across a wide variety of other studies, it would be this: Good relationships keep us healthier and happier. Period."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 10). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
The rest of the book deals with ways to build better relationships.
I think this study and this book are fantastic tools, tools we urgently need in our world. If you have any interest in having a better world or a happier life, I strongly recommend this book to you.
Here are a few more of my takeaways from this book...
"Recent research has shown that for older people loneliness is twice as unhealthy as obesity, and chronic loneliness increases a person’s odds of death in any given year by 26 percent."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (pp. 92-93). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"In the United States, a 2018 study suggested that three out of four adults felt moderate to high levels of loneliness." (My note: And this was before the pandemic!)
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 93). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"Our strongest feelings emerge from our connections with other people, and while the social world is filled with pleasures and meaning, it also contains doses of disappointment and pain. We get hurt by the people we love. We feel the sting when they disappoint us or leave us, and the emptiness when they die. The impulse to avoid these negative experiences in relationships makes sense. But if we want the benefits of being involved with other people, we have to tolerate a certain amount of risk."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 112). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"Curiosity—real, deep curiosity about what others are experiencing—goes a long way in important relationships. It opens up avenues of conversation and knowledge that we never knew were there. It helps others feel understood and appreciated. It’s important even in less significant relationships, where it can set a precedent of caring and increase the strength of new, fragile bonds."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 113). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"...research...shows...some of the natural outgrowths of focused attention: reciprocal love and consideration, a sense of belonging, and positive feeling about human relationships in general—which then leads to more positive relationships, and better health."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 137). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"It’s one of the great ironies of life—and the subject of millions of songs, films, and great works of literature—that the people who make us feel the most alive and who know us best are also the people able to hurt us most."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 141). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"It’s often easier to turn away than it is to confront what troubles us. But doing so can have unintended consequences, and the effect of avoidance can be especially pronounced in the place it happens most: our personal relationships. Many studies have shown that when we avoid confronting challenges in a relationship, not only does the problem not go away, but it can get worse."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 146). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"The model that follows provides a way for you to slow your reactions and put them under a microscope. We offer it as something you can keep in your back pocket (metaphorically) and use anytime, for any emotional situation."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 149). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"The W.I.S.E.R. Model of Reacting to Emotionally Challenging Situations and Relationship Events:
Stage One: Watch.
Watch refers to the entire situation: the environment, the person you’re interacting with, and you. Is the situation unusual or common? What typically happens next? What have I not considered that might be an important part of what is unfolding?
Stage Two: Interpret
This is the stage where things often go wrong. Just asking the question—What is it I’m assuming here?—can bring what looks like a mountain closer into line with its molehill reality. Assumptions are the source of an incredible amount of misunderstanding. As the old saying goes, Never assume, because when you assume, you make an ass of u and me. But it’s also possible to err in the opposite direction and make true mountains into molehills...
Stage Three: Select
Now the question becomes: What should I do? Slowing down can allow us to consider possibilities and think about the likelihood of success for those possibilities...The key is to try to slow things down where you can, zoom in, and move from a fully automatic response to a more considered and purposeful response that aligns with who you are and what you are seeking to accomplish.
Stage Four: Engage (Implementing with Care)
Even the most logical response can fail if we do a poor job implementing that strategy. Practice—either in our minds or running it by a trusted confidant—can help. Chances of success also increase if we first reflect on what we do well and what we don’t do so well.
Stage Five: Reflect
How did that work out? Did I make things better or worse? Have I learned something new about the challenge I’m facing and about the best response?
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"Not every type of emotion is equally predictive of the health of a relationship, however. Some are particularly important, and in our study, two categories of emotion stood out: Empathy and affection."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 177). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"These missteps are not failures or signs that dancing together is impossible. Instead, they are opportunities to learn...In the end, what matters most are not the challenges we face in relationships, but how we manage them."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 180). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
'Whatever the “problem” is, the implication is clear: my partner needs to be fixed. But in reality, there’s almost always a deeper, more complex tension within the relationship that the couple has not acknowledged. Discovering that tension usually requires both self-reflection and conversation.'
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 181). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"The intense feelings that emerge in recurring arguments, however trivial, often come down to one of a few common, but profound concerns. See if any of these ring a bell:
You don’t care about me.
I’m working harder at this than you are.
I’m not sure I can trust you.
I’m afraid I’m going to lose you.
You don’t think I’m good enough."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 181). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"Mutual, reciprocal vulnerability can lead to stronger and more secure relationships. The ability for partners to trust and be vulnerable with each other—to pause, notice their own and their partner’s emotions, and comfortably share their fears—is one of the most powerful relationship skills that a couple can cultivate. It can also relieve a lot of stress, because both partners can get the support they need without having to muster energy in an attempt to be stronger than they really are. If we do manage to cultivate a strong and trusting bond, we’re still not out of the woods, because even the best relationships are susceptible to decay. Just as trees need water, intimate relationships are living things, and as the seasons of life pass they can’t be left to fend for themselves. They need attention, and nourishment."
'There are a few additional techniques that might be useful in that case. One is known as “reflective listening.” It helps us make sure we’re hearing correctly what our partner is trying to say, and it shows that we care, that we are trying to empathize. It works like this: First, listen without commenting. Then, try to communicate what you’ve heard your partner say without judgment...'
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 194). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"A second technique that is helpful in its own right and can make reflective listening even more valuable is to offer some understanding of your partner’s reasons for a feeling or behavior. The goal is not to point out your brilliance and ability to see things your partner cannot, but to let your partner know that you see them. You want to communicate that it makes sense that she feels this way or that he is behaving in that way, and to nurture that bedrock of empathy and affection that research has shown to be valuable."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 194). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
'A third useful practice is to try to step back a bit from the conversation, a practice that psychologists call “self-distancing,” and look at your experience as if you are watching someone else.'
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 194). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
"...there are a couple of simple (though difficult!) things we can do to encourage our ability to see what’s really happening, and thus be more likely to reap the benefits of corrective experience. First, we can tune in to difficult feelings rather than try to ignore them. Second, we can notice when we are having experiences that are more positive than we expected. Third, we can try to “catch” other people when they are behaving well...The final and most powerful approach is simply to remain open to the possibility of people behaving differently than we expect."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (p. 216). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
And, shades of Mister Rogers...
"One simple thing we can all do is to notice when we find ourselves wanting someone to be different than they are. We can ask ourselves, What if I just let this person be themselves without passing judgment? How would this moment be different? Recognizing another person for who they are and meeting them where they are can go a long way toward deepening a connection."
Waldinger, Robert J.; Schulz Ph.D, Marc . The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness (pp. 219-220). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.
August 31, 2023
Discussions about what makes for a good human life have been going on at least since Socrates. Now finally psychological science has gotten around to address it using modern quantitative methods! The authors, Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz, currently head the famous multigenerational Harvard Study on the causes of happiness and unhappiness, and this is a must read for anyone interested in the topic. Waldinger and Schulz pay occasional homage to the many philosophers who preceded them, especially the Stoics, and put together a compelling narrative for the modern reader. Although this isn't a self-help book (thank Zeus!), the authors do provide occasional prompts for practical exercises and actionable advice about what makes life meaningful. That said, I got to the end of the book with two lingering issues. First off, there is far too much chit chat and anecdotal evidence and far too little quantitative science here. I get it, this is a book for the general public. But I never really got to sink my teeth in the meat of what the Harvard study has uncovered in the span of many decades. Second, much of what one reads in the book, with all due respect both to the authors and to the many researchers involved in the study, feels a bit like the elucidation of the obvious. Spoiler alert, here is the big take home message: relationships matter, whether it is family, friends, or coworkers. In other words, the very same thing Socrates and the Stoics told us. Two and a half millennia ago.
January 31, 2023
The secret is good relationships... also effective in audio.
February 15, 2023
Everyone knows that relationships are important. The problem is that we often forget. We just need to be reminded from time to time. This book is just for that ❤️. A reminder to take care of our relationships.
January 16, 2023
Well written, but nothing new, and signs of weakness
I find the study to be interesting, however, I wish there had been more data. Instead there are generalizations punctuated by an example.
Perhaps there was a copywrite issue with some of the long-hand responses, and the authors had to get permission to print them. Or maybe the data is owned by Harvard, and the authors weren't at liberty to print specifics.
My disappointment with the book is that the general theme is that the more close, personal relationships you have, the more likely you are happier, and will live to an older age. And they mention, twice, that a high blood cholesterol number in mid-life is less likely to correspond to living to an older age than their data on relationships. I would have like to reviewed this data on blood samples (i.e., one of the few pieces of hard data) but nothing about it is mentioned in the bibliography.
Also, they don't mention genetics corresponding to living to an older age. I would have been interested to know how many of their sample had parents that lived to an older age. (I think that would have been an obvious question to ask on the Harvard study).
I understand that the book is about the findings of the Happiness study, but it does liberally wander into aging, specifically suggesting that if you forge more friendships, develop closer relationships, not only will you be happier, but you'll live longer.
And to me, to disregard genetics and tease with blood results, makes for a weak book.
I find the study to be interesting, however, I wish there had been more data. Instead there are generalizations punctuated by an example.
Perhaps there was a copywrite issue with some of the long-hand responses, and the authors had to get permission to print them. Or maybe the data is owned by Harvard, and the authors weren't at liberty to print specifics.
My disappointment with the book is that the general theme is that the more close, personal relationships you have, the more likely you are happier, and will live to an older age. And they mention, twice, that a high blood cholesterol number in mid-life is less likely to correspond to living to an older age than their data on relationships. I would have like to reviewed this data on blood samples (i.e., one of the few pieces of hard data) but nothing about it is mentioned in the bibliography.
Also, they don't mention genetics corresponding to living to an older age. I would have been interested to know how many of their sample had parents that lived to an older age. (I think that would have been an obvious question to ask on the Harvard study).
I understand that the book is about the findings of the Happiness study, but it does liberally wander into aging, specifically suggesting that if you forge more friendships, develop closer relationships, not only will you be happier, but you'll live longer.
And to me, to disregard genetics and tease with blood results, makes for a weak book.
January 6, 2023
The Good Life is a well written and informative summary of a scientific longevity study of happiness. While it may be tempting to classify this book as self help, it is so much more. The scientific study in which individuals were followed for decades is intriguing and incredibly interesting. The authors wrote the book for the layperson, not weighing the reader down with detailed statistical analyses. Instead, they presented the findings of individual participants to illustrate the larger group results of their ongoing project. Following the isolation that the pandemic brought to so many individuals, the topic of this book is timely and useful. I highly recommend diving into this wonderfully information, easy-to-read book!
February 3, 2023
Once the big reveal was quickly... well, revealed (that relationships are the strongest predictor of happiness), the rest was just a bunch of stories and anecdotes, and a deeper dive into various aspects of relationships. If you need help with your relationships, this will be a lot more useful than it was for me. I -- and anyone else who has a set of strong relationships and generally feels happy -- will not find much use in this book at all. It's not for everyone... which means that it's for... some people. So don't let my review discourage you from checking it out if it looks interesting. It just wasn't for me. 2/10.
October 14, 2023
Proven ways that make people happy and fulfill their lives.
Need I say more?
Written by the directors of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest scientific study of happiness ever conducted!!! okay now 100% 'nuff said.
lol but in all seriousness, the main key take away is that relationships are what truly make people happy and fulfilled. How healthy and how many relationships you have. How you feel about them, how they feel about you. It all matters greatly. And there are ways to improve it.
Need I say more?
Written by the directors of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest scientific study of happiness ever conducted!!! okay now 100% 'nuff said.
lol but in all seriousness, the main key take away is that relationships are what truly make people happy and fulfilled. How healthy and how many relationships you have. How you feel about them, how they feel about you. It all matters greatly. And there are ways to improve it.
April 3, 2023
I highly recommend people give this book a look! A fascinating overview of a study that spans almost a hundred years now. Turns out The Good Life is pretty simple to achieve and it’s a good reminder and a humbling read.
I received an ALC of this book and by complete coincidence it turned out that one of the co-authors is a Psychology Chair at my alma mater. It was a nice surprise at the end to hear a few names I recognize from my time there in the acknowledgments.
I received an ALC of this book and by complete coincidence it turned out that one of the co-authors is a Psychology Chair at my alma mater. It was a nice surprise at the end to hear a few names I recognize from my time there in the acknowledgments.
January 15, 2023
The book starts with the conclusion of the Harvard Study that good relationships are the single most import variable for a happy life. I had hoped for more in depth analysis and overview why this is so, but ok. It then discusses various random case studies to underline how they can impact people’s long term happiness including the writers’ lifes. This may or may not be valid examples but it all sounds rather obvious. The two tools provided 1) to list frequently of contact with positive and negative relationships and to focus on increasing frequency of the positive ones. 2) how to react in case of difficult interactions. These are helpful tools. The tone of the book is extremely nice and a bit paternalistic which i personally find a bit too much, but that is just me. Conclusion this could have either been more scientific or shorter.
August 25, 2023
Valorar este libro me va a suponer una dificultad adicional, ya que por un problema de impresión el primer libro que compré estaba incompleto y tuve que esperar a que me lo cambiasen. En parte he perdido la sensación de continuidad que me gusta mantener con mis lecturas, y por eso solo leo un libro cada vez.
El mensaje del libro es claro, las relaciones personales importan mucho. Las amistades, tener capacidad de amar, de ser amados, saber enfrentarse a las dificultades, tener un propósito, sentirse útil y valorado, volcarse con los demás, ser solidarios a poyar a nuestro tejido social cercano, etc... todo eso importa mucho más que lo material, que los placeres, los lujos, el ocio, un buen sueldo, el prestigio social, etc... Una buena vida va más allá de lo material y tiene mucho más que ver con lo social. Es una conclusión que desde sus primeras páginas el libro deja claro. ¿Sabiendo esto merece la pena leer el libro? Por supuesto que sí. Está lleno de ejemplos prácticos, de vidas que pueden servir como referencia. También da una serie de pautas y consejos que pueden servirnos como herramientas para manejar o reconducir nuestra vida y llevarla a mejor término. No son recetas mágicas ni es un libro de autoayuda, pero tiene su lado práctico.
Es el mayor estudio realizado sobre una buena vida y tiene mucho que decir al respecto. Se complementa a la perfección con una lectura previa que he realizado este año "En defensa de la infelicidad", del que se obtienen conclusiones similares. En una sociedad que nos vende la felicidad material como la solución mágica a todos nuestros problemas, estas lecturas contrarrestan la toxicidad de todos esos mensajes comerciales y nos ponen en la pista de lo que verdaderamente importa. Es un libro, una herramienta y también una buena terapia que nos puede ayudar a vivir mejor, y por tanto lo considero muy recomendable.
El mensaje del libro es claro, las relaciones personales importan mucho. Las amistades, tener capacidad de amar, de ser amados, saber enfrentarse a las dificultades, tener un propósito, sentirse útil y valorado, volcarse con los demás, ser solidarios a poyar a nuestro tejido social cercano, etc... todo eso importa mucho más que lo material, que los placeres, los lujos, el ocio, un buen sueldo, el prestigio social, etc... Una buena vida va más allá de lo material y tiene mucho más que ver con lo social. Es una conclusión que desde sus primeras páginas el libro deja claro. ¿Sabiendo esto merece la pena leer el libro? Por supuesto que sí. Está lleno de ejemplos prácticos, de vidas que pueden servir como referencia. También da una serie de pautas y consejos que pueden servirnos como herramientas para manejar o reconducir nuestra vida y llevarla a mejor término. No son recetas mágicas ni es un libro de autoayuda, pero tiene su lado práctico.
Es el mayor estudio realizado sobre una buena vida y tiene mucho que decir al respecto. Se complementa a la perfección con una lectura previa que he realizado este año "En defensa de la infelicidad", del que se obtienen conclusiones similares. En una sociedad que nos vende la felicidad material como la solución mágica a todos nuestros problemas, estas lecturas contrarrestan la toxicidad de todos esos mensajes comerciales y nos ponen en la pista de lo que verdaderamente importa. Es un libro, una herramienta y también una buena terapia que nos puede ayudar a vivir mejor, y por tanto lo considero muy recomendable.
September 23, 2023
你有想過，美好人生的關鍵是什麼嗎？
有些人擁有傲人的財富與成就，但總覺得不開心；也有人的人生看似平凡，但卻對自己的人生感到滿意
這本書就是想為大家解答美好人生背後的關鍵，也就是「良好的人際關係」
兩位作者羅伯特和馬克是哈佛「幸福研究」的主持人，該研究已經進行到第四代，可以說是難得一見的跨時代研究
另外，研究裡涵蓋的對象五花八門，不管是畢業於哈佛的精英、還是出身平民的工人、甚至是美國前總統甘迺迪，他們的人生告訴我們，美好人生的關鍵就是正向的人際關係
雖然聽起來很簡單，但人際關係卻常常是我們忽略掉的一部份，從朋友、戀人、同事、到家人，這些都會是我們快樂與否的關鍵
其實這本書在英文版剛出的時候，我就已經很期待了。書裡雖然沒有提出什麼驚人見解，但各個部分的分析相當有條理，舉的案例也很符合每一章節的主軸
給4.5顆星的原因不是因為真的很好看，而是因為這本書給我一種「我願意坐下來好好再看一次」的的衝動，而這樣就夠了！而且書裡有一些實用的練習，絕對是本適合每個人一讀的書
有些人擁有傲人的財富與成就，但總覺得不開心；也有人的人生看似平凡，但卻對自己的人生感到滿意
這本書就是想為大家解答美好人生背後的關鍵，也就是「良好的人際關係」
兩位作者羅伯特和馬克是哈佛「幸福研究」的主持人，該研究已經進行到第四代，可以說是難得一見的跨時代研究
另外，研究裡涵蓋的對象五花八門，不管是畢業於哈佛的精英、還是出身平民的工人、甚至是美國前總統甘迺迪，他們的人生告訴我們，美好人生的關鍵就是正向的人際關係
雖然聽起來很簡單，但人際關係卻常常是我們忽略掉的一部份，從朋友、戀人、同事、到家人，這些都會是我們快樂與否的關鍵
其實這本書在英文版剛出的時候，我就已經很期待了。書裡雖然沒有提出什麼驚人見解，但各個部分的分析相當有條理，舉的案例也很符合每一章節的主軸
給4.5顆星的原因不是因為真的很好看，而是因為這本書給我一種「我願意坐下來好好再看一次」的的衝動，而這樣就夠了！而且書裡有一些實用的練習，絕對是本適合每個人一讀的書
February 18, 2023
I definitely like it for a non-fiction. It helped encourage me to balance my introverted tendencies with socialization in a way that makes me feel energized and balanced. So that’s dope
However, non-fiction is hard for me to read bc about half way through I’m like OKAY I GET THE POINT. I feel like the 60% mark was a 5 star but after that they just kept going on about the same thing 😤
However, non-fiction is hard for me to read bc about half way through I’m like OKAY I GET THE POINT. I feel like the 60% mark was a 5 star but after that they just kept going on about the same thing 😤
July 18, 2023
An in-depth look at an 80 year longitudinal study on happiness. I like that it looked at a lot of aspects (romantic relationships, friendships, family, career, etc. but I also felt like I had heard most of it before (just not with an actual specific person's story attached).
January 30, 2023
About the power of relationships. Cool read but also just a lot of words to say “relationships are important.” I feel like I didn’t really learn anything new
February 21, 2023
This book is a trap. Was looking for science and got a load of self-help crap unrelated to the Harvard study instead.
November 23, 2023
The interesting thing about this book is that there isn’t much new. The authors admit that much of the insight gleaned from the study has been known by other forms of knowledge such as philosophy, religion, etc. for millennia.
However, what I think such a large and long-term study does is to bring it down to the mundane. Seeing the triumphs and challenges of the study participants via vignettes in their lives was strangely comforting. I think the times I was listening to this audiobook were times that my mood was boosted.
I guess my biggest takeaway from this book is that all relationships matter, even the ones we won’t often consider as worthwhile or meaningful because of how mundane they are, or how they may have lapsed into some semblance of obscurity. The strangers on the train experiment was particularly thought-provoking.
However, what I think such a large and long-term study does is to bring it down to the mundane. Seeing the triumphs and challenges of the study participants via vignettes in their lives was strangely comforting. I think the times I was listening to this audiobook were times that my mood was boosted.
I guess my biggest takeaway from this book is that all relationships matter, even the ones we won’t often consider as worthwhile or meaningful because of how mundane they are, or how they may have lapsed into some semblance of obscurity. The strangers on the train experiment was particularly thought-provoking.
October 27, 2023
Relationships not only matter; they are everything that makes a life.
This book is about the complex web of experiences when one examines the lives of generations of families. It's scientific, heartwarming, concrete, and magnificent in all of the best ways possible. The authors just know all the right words to say; it's actually insane to me how well they captured such familiar but difficult feelings.
An essential read through and through. By far my book of 2023, and very much likely a contender for the best nonfiction book I've ever read. If there is any book that I would recommend to some of the people I care most about in this world, then it would be this one!
This book is about the complex web of experiences when one examines the lives of generations of families. It's scientific, heartwarming, concrete, and magnificent in all of the best ways possible. The authors just know all the right words to say; it's actually insane to me how well they captured such familiar but difficult feelings.
An essential read through and through. By far my book of 2023, and very much likely a contender for the best nonfiction book I've ever read. If there is any book that I would recommend to some of the people I care most about in this world, then it would be this one!
January 25, 2023
It's pretty interesting and thought provoking, whilst not without its flaws
January 28, 2023
3.5 stars*
"We have this common illusion that there will always be time for the things we need to do but in reality we only have the present moment"
'The Good Life 'is an extremely well researched book that captures the universal experience of being alive. Using the world's longest scientific study of happiness as their basis, Waldinger and Schulz deduce a common theme - that our relationships play a massive role in keeping us happy and healthy.
Some things that stuck while reading:
- the importance of relationships in creating or maintaining a happy life
- we tend to pay a lot of attention to potential costs and undermine or dismiss the potential benefits of
- the idea of social fitness: keeping your relationships in good shape. are you spending time with the people you most care about?
- being radically curious about the people and the world around you
- attention is the most basic form of love
- it's never too late to be happy
"We have this common illusion that there will always be time for the things we need to do but in reality we only have the present moment"
'The Good Life 'is an extremely well researched book that captures the universal experience of being alive. Using the world's longest scientific study of happiness as their basis, Waldinger and Schulz deduce a common theme - that our relationships play a massive role in keeping us happy and healthy.
Some things that stuck while reading:
- the importance of relationships in creating or maintaining a happy life
- we tend to pay a lot of attention to potential costs and undermine or dismiss the potential benefits of
- the idea of social fitness: keeping your relationships in good shape. are you spending time with the people you most care about?
- being radically curious about the people and the world around you
- attention is the most basic form of love
- it's never too late to be happy
January 23, 2023
تبدأ السعادة والحرية بفهم واضح لمبدأ واحد : بعض الأشياء تحت سيطرتك. والبعض الآخر ليس كذلك.
إبيكتيتوس ، الخطابات
ولد إبيكتيتوس ، وهو أحد الفلاسفة اليونانيين العظماء ، عبداً ، لذا كانت مسألة السيطرة تهمه. نحن لا نعرف حتى الاسم الذي أعطته له والدته. إبيكتيتوس هي كلمة يونانية تعني "مكتسب".
قال إبيكتيتوس عندما نحاول السيطرة على أشياء تقع خارج نطاق سيطرتنا ، فإننا نجعل أنفسنا بائسين. لذا فإن أحد المشاريع المهمة في الحياة هو هذا التمييز.
"صلاة الصفاء" للعالم اللاهوتي رينهولد نيبور ، هي نسخة حديثة من هذه الفكرة ، وعلى الرغم من اختلاف النسخة الأصلية إلى حد ما ، إلا أنه يتم اقتباسها عادة بهذه الطريقة:
اللهم امنحني الصفاء لقبول الأشياء التي لا أستطيع تغييرها ، والشجاعة لتغيير الأشياء التي يمكنني تغييرها ، والحكمة لمعرفة الفرق.
.
Robert Waldinger
The Good Life
Translated By #Maher_Razouk
إبيكتيتوس ، الخطابات
ولد إبيكتيتوس ، وهو أحد الفلاسفة اليونانيين العظماء ، عبداً ، لذا كانت مسألة السيطرة تهمه. نحن لا نعرف حتى الاسم الذي أعطته له والدته. إبيكتيتوس هي كلمة يونانية تعني "مكتسب".
قال إبيكتيتوس عندما نحاول السيطرة على أشياء تقع خارج نطاق سيطرتنا ، فإننا نجعل أنفسنا بائسين. لذا فإن أحد المشاريع المهمة في الحياة هو هذا التمييز.
"صلاة الصفاء" للعالم اللاهوتي رينهولد نيبور ، هي نسخة حديثة من هذه الفكرة ، وعلى الرغم من اختلاف النسخة الأصلية إلى حد ما ، إلا أنه يتم اقتباسها عادة بهذه الطريقة:
اللهم امنحني الصفاء لقبول الأشياء التي لا أستطيع تغييرها ، والشجاعة لتغيير الأشياء التي يمكنني تغييرها ، والحكمة لمعرفة الفرق.
.
Robert Waldinger
The Good Life
Translated By #Maher_Razouk
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