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I’m Not as Well as I Thought I Was
Checking into a psychiatric institution wasn't exactly on Ruby Wax's agenda for 2022 - writing about it wasn't either, but here we are. These days, trying to stay sane in a completely chaotic world makes life incredibly difficult, especially if you're struggling with your mental health. While searching for inner peace and equanimity amidst global chaos, Ruby realises that, ultimately, the most challenging gauntlet we all must face is ourselves.
I'm Not as Well as I Thought I Was is Ruby's most honest, rawest book to date - an insight into the depths of her psyche, and a stark exploration of what trauma can do to someone. Reflecting on years of personal and professional experience, she opens up to readers about her struggles with mental health and different treatments over the years, hoping to provide reassurance and guidance to anyone confronting their own anticipated, or unanticipated, struggles with mental health.
I'm Not as Well as I Thought I Was is Ruby's most honest, rawest book to date - an insight into the depths of her psyche, and a stark exploration of what trauma can do to someone. Reflecting on years of personal and professional experience, she opens up to readers about her struggles with mental health and different treatments over the years, hoping to provide reassurance and guidance to anyone confronting their own anticipated, or unanticipated, struggles with mental health.
256 pages, Hardcover
Published May 11, 2023
About the author
Ruby Wax
30 books279 followersRuby Wax arrived in Britain in 1977 to pursue an acting career. She says "I really could never find my niche. I was a terrible actress, I couldn't sing, I couldn't do characters, I couldn't do an English accent and I lived in England, so I was narrowing it down".
She met French and Saunders at a party and worked alongside them a number of times, on television in Happy Families, at charity events such as Hysteria and notably the sitcom Girls on Top. Ruby played Shelley Dupont, a stereotypically loud American dying for a career in show-business. Not a huge hit, Girls on Top nevertheless gave the trio the chance to find their feet in comedy.
Ruby eventually got a chat show after drunkenly interviewing Michael Grade (who was head of Channel 4 at the time) in a tent at the Edinburgh festival. She subsequently made a range of programmes, many revolving around her as an interviewer. Her popularity in terms of comedy came from her interviewing technique: she was always forthright, brash and loud, conforming to the British stereotype of an American. Her physical appearance matched this image, with red hair and blood-red lipstick.
In 2002 Ruby Wax wrote her memoir, How Do You Want Me?, which became a bestseller.
Her 2010 stand-up show Losing It deals with her experience of bipolar disorder. She founded Black Dog Tribe in 2011 in response to the audience reaction from her theatre show. In September 2013, she graduated from Kellogg College at Oxford University with a master's degree in mindfulness based cognitive therapy. She had previously earned a postgraduate certificate in psychotherapy and counselling from Regents College in London.
These days she promotes understanding of the brain and campaigns for greater mental health awareness and destigmatisation.
- summarised from Dawn French Online, Wikipedia and her website
She met French and Saunders at a party and worked alongside them a number of times, on television in Happy Families, at charity events such as Hysteria and notably the sitcom Girls on Top. Ruby played Shelley Dupont, a stereotypically loud American dying for a career in show-business. Not a huge hit, Girls on Top nevertheless gave the trio the chance to find their feet in comedy.
Ruby eventually got a chat show after drunkenly interviewing Michael Grade (who was head of Channel 4 at the time) in a tent at the Edinburgh festival. She subsequently made a range of programmes, many revolving around her as an interviewer. Her popularity in terms of comedy came from her interviewing technique: she was always forthright, brash and loud, conforming to the British stereotype of an American. Her physical appearance matched this image, with red hair and blood-red lipstick.
In 2002 Ruby Wax wrote her memoir, How Do You Want Me?, which became a bestseller.
Her 2010 stand-up show Losing It deals with her experience of bipolar disorder. She founded Black Dog Tribe in 2011 in response to the audience reaction from her theatre show. In September 2013, she graduated from Kellogg College at Oxford University with a master's degree in mindfulness based cognitive therapy. She had previously earned a postgraduate certificate in psychotherapy and counselling from Regents College in London.
These days she promotes understanding of the brain and campaigns for greater mental health awareness and destigmatisation.
- summarised from Dawn French Online, Wikipedia and her website
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 73 reviews
September 27, 2023
Ruby Wax’s novel I’m Not as Well as I Thought I Was, is meant to be an honest portrayal of Wax’s depressive episode and her personal journey to a healthier mental state. I’d seen loads of hype about surrounding the memoir, so I was excited to read it. The eye-catching title and mental health theme instantly appealed to me, however, that is where the interest stopped. Unfortunately, I’m Not as Well as I Thought I Was, was the worst book I’ve read this year. I bought it on sale for £10, and if I still had the receipt, I’d ask for a refund. I had no idea who Ruby Wax is. Halfway through her incessant name dropping, I googled her and found out she used to be a presenter until as she said, she turned 50 and was kicked out of TV. Ruby Wax suffers from depression, her Jewish parents had an incredibly hard life, they fled Austria when Hitler seized power, her mother was diagnosed with hysteria as a result of the trauma and her father Edward was imprisoned and tortured for his faith. They both suffered with bad mental health and the household wasn’t stable for Wax growing up. She describes this as the root of her mental health issues. However, this doesn’t explain why she comes across as a self-entitled, mind-numbing woman. Whenever things get too much, she checks herself into a psychiatric institution for a bit, this is the most interesting part of her book. She should have focused on her time in these places, but she treats them almost like a holiday home, popping in and out whenever she fancies. In a so-called attempt to find stability, she jumps from one obscenely insane life experience to another, trying to ‘find herself’. This is the main focus of the memoir, which she uses as an opportunity to show off about her holidays that year. I wish when my mental health was bad, I could sack everything and everyone off to go spiritual whale watching or volunteering in a third world country to make myself feel more valued. Instead, when my mental health is bad, I go to work.
This memoir is more focused on promoting Wax’s image and her extravagant holidays, rather than how she deals with her mental health. The whole piece read like one massive brag which has no relevance to her depressive episode. The only person I did sympathise with was her poor husband, Ed who she is awful to. She orders him around like a maid, telling him to bring and fetch her things she’ll never want or need in the hospital, and when he is diagnosed with prostate cancer her behaviour towards him is shocking. Apparently, the secret to their marriage is that they don’t see each other a lot, which is very believable. Ruby hates Louis Theroux, she is under the impression he ‘took her job’ and contributed to her falling from the spotlight. I’ve watched tons of his shows and documentaries, and I find him very witty, unlike Wax. I definitely won’t be reading anything else she has written, nor will I be wasting my time recommending anything she’s created to anyone else; no one should have to struggle through this babble.
This memoir is more focused on promoting Wax’s image and her extravagant holidays, rather than how she deals with her mental health. The whole piece read like one massive brag which has no relevance to her depressive episode. The only person I did sympathise with was her poor husband, Ed who she is awful to. She orders him around like a maid, telling him to bring and fetch her things she’ll never want or need in the hospital, and when he is diagnosed with prostate cancer her behaviour towards him is shocking. Apparently, the secret to their marriage is that they don’t see each other a lot, which is very believable. Ruby hates Louis Theroux, she is under the impression he ‘took her job’ and contributed to her falling from the spotlight. I’ve watched tons of his shows and documentaries, and I find him very witty, unlike Wax. I definitely won’t be reading anything else she has written, nor will I be wasting my time recommending anything she’s created to anyone else; no one should have to struggle through this babble.
May 22, 2023
Well written, honest and very funny in parts, but it was very random. I expected the book to focus on her decision to enter the mental institution and what happened whilst she was there, her experiences within the institution. There was a small amount written about that, but mostly this was about Ruby's quest feel relevant and various excursions leading up to her breakdown. It's more celebrity biography than mental health book.
June 16, 2023
This book was a bit misleading to me. I thought it was going to be mainly about mental health troubles and how to get through it. That was the reason I bought it. I was wrong, the book is very random and just goes from one story to another about the authors adventures in life. There is very little about her stay in the mental health hospital and how they actually helped her through her troubles. I think if someone was going to write a mental health book it should actually focus more on that as thats the reason people buy the book.
October 29, 2023
Fearne Cotton’s review said it best, “We’re all a little messed up” - that is exactly how deep this book gets into mental health issues and treatment.
This was terrible. The author is incredibly self absorbed to the point it’s hard to like her - something she points out several times but does not change (It’s also the 6th book she has written on this topic so it’s hard to take these revelations seriously). She is CONSTANTLY name dropping and talking about her many “lucrative” jobs and opportunities, which is insufferable in the context. The goal of the book seemed to be “find happiness” - the horrible reality of mental Illness is nowhere to be seen.
This author is horribly out of touch with the mental health crisis and experiences of people who suffer. This book is simply an account of several vacations of a very privileged rich lady who wishes she was on TV more. The writing is not bad and there is humour there. I fear this book portrays mental illness so lightly that it’s damaging to the campaign to reduce the stigma and take mental health conditions seriously.
This was terrible. The author is incredibly self absorbed to the point it’s hard to like her - something she points out several times but does not change (It’s also the 6th book she has written on this topic so it’s hard to take these revelations seriously). She is CONSTANTLY name dropping and talking about her many “lucrative” jobs and opportunities, which is insufferable in the context. The goal of the book seemed to be “find happiness” - the horrible reality of mental Illness is nowhere to be seen.
This author is horribly out of touch with the mental health crisis and experiences of people who suffer. This book is simply an account of several vacations of a very privileged rich lady who wishes she was on TV more. The writing is not bad and there is humour there. I fear this book portrays mental illness so lightly that it’s damaging to the campaign to reduce the stigma and take mental health conditions seriously.
September 19, 2023
I feel kind of weird saying that I enjoyed a book about a woman going through a breakdown, but it is true, nevertheless. Wax has an engaging frankness and a no nonsense approach that I found really refreshing in the field of mental health. She admits when she messes up. She talks honestly about what it feels like for her to go through what she does. She also has the gift of finding the funny in the bleakness. She makes mental health something that real people who live real lives go through, which kind of gives permission for us to mess up, get sick and get help too.
September 21, 2023
Loved this book- so human and real! I love the way Ruby writes as she injects humour so you are engaged but she explains some very difficult topics. This book resonates on so many levels- I can only recommend it and say Thank You Ruby for sharing your story
May 18, 2023
I couldn’t give this 5 stars because there’s parts, particularly early on, that just feel like a stream of consciousness but I was glad I persisted. It’s a raw and honest account of her life as it unfolded over the last couple of years with insights into what went before that help to explain the difficulties and successes she’s experienced. As someone who’s been to an event where Ruby was speaking I now completely understand why she was late and can totally forgive her for it. If I’d had the nerve to speak to her I now know that she would have said something funny whilst silently envying some aspect of my looks or personality. I found that quite comforting.
September 10, 2023
Not a bad book at all, just wasn’t really what I was expecting to be reading about
May 14, 2023
Reflections and lessons learned/the content of this book made me feel…
“I don’t answer my phone because I wouldn’t know who I am, let alone who they are. Nothing is working except my eyes which dart around the room”
Even despite the raw title, this book was more random than I expected, but that’s possibly not a bad thing considering? Context is always everything, so this ongoing diarised narrative mostly worked as a book for me. I think that you’ve got to be a fan of Wax, but there’s still of lot of sensible, first hand and direct advice for anyone struggling with mental health issues. Just like you can’t control a pain from injury to your leg or spleen, the brain is an ongoing challenge no matter how strong you are
“I don’t answer my phone because I wouldn’t know who I am, let alone who they are. Nothing is working except my eyes which dart around the room”
Even despite the raw title, this book was more random than I expected, but that’s possibly not a bad thing considering? Context is always everything, so this ongoing diarised narrative mostly worked as a book for me. I think that you’ve got to be a fan of Wax, but there’s still of lot of sensible, first hand and direct advice for anyone struggling with mental health issues. Just like you can’t control a pain from injury to your leg or spleen, the brain is an ongoing challenge no matter how strong you are
January 27, 2024
I've always liked Ruby Wax, loved her TV shows, loved her earlier books, but this one disappoints. It's not up to her usual standards, but quite a mess. There's no focus, Wax jumps from one thing to another, and it isn't clear what she's trying to convey. As others have already commented, it feels quite random and pointless. I think there's a message or real story hiding in there somewhere, but stricter editing would've helped it stand out more and give the book better coherence. However, Ruby's always very honest about dealing with her crazy upbringing and mental health issues and I truly appreciate it.
April 25, 2024
This feels like a super open and honest book about mental health and growing as a person. It's refreshing to read someone's story who kept chasing the next thing, only to be stopped in their tracks. Our current culture and society drive people to constantly 'hustle' or keep going no matter what, and this book is a good reminder to slow down and feel. A great mix of a good story, a life lesson, and brutal honesty.
September 11, 2023
I thought that I would enjoy this a lot more than I did. I can’t quite put my finger on why I didn’t really enjoy it though!
October 9, 2023
I just like to listen to Ruby ramble on about everything and anything.
April 17, 2024
Mental health is such a thing, great inside into a colourful past and breaks down taboo issue if mental health
June 25, 2023
I'd seen from a two-line newspaper review that it was about Wax's admission to an in-patient psychiatric hospital for a depressive episode, and was an account of her time there. Unfortunately, this is only a small part of this book. The bulk of it is a collection of autobiographical anecdotes, many of which have no obvious connection with the mental health aspect. I'm not certain that I would have picked up the book if I'd understood the content to be so varied.
More at https://sjhoward.co.uk/ive-been-readi...
More at https://sjhoward.co.uk/ive-been-readi...
August 20, 2023
I listened to this. rather than reading it and Ruby Wax really “performed” the prose which I think made it more enjoyable for me. Basically a memoir of her research of adventures to help her mental health and her breakdown and stay in a psychiatric hospital. It’s light enough to read as an autobiography but doesn’t hide the mental issues which Ruby Wax bravely deals with.
October 5, 2023
I never really know how to rate books like this - it's someone's personal experiences so I can really only add my opinion of her journey.
I don't know much about Ruby, she's about 10 years older than my parents, so this would probably appeal to them more. She is quite a relatable character in general, she talks openly about her mental illness and her struggles, even acknowledging moments that don't paint her in the best light - and I actually can't tell if it's just trauma, or if she has undiagnosed ADHD. I wouldn't be surprised if she does.
The writing was fine and I found Ruby to be very raw, honest, open and has an irreverent sense of humor. She's also very self depreciating. There's quite a bit of gallows humour in the book. That said, I wasn't a fan of when she mimics the voices of other people and some of their accents. Her family are from Vienna so I didn't mind the German impressions, but there are others that some people might find distasteful.
Otherwise, Ruby has an endearing way of telling a story and you can picture yourself there with her. I think anyone who struggles with mental health can find something in this book, even if it's just a laugh at Ruby Wax staying in a silent retreat.
I don't know much about Ruby, she's about 10 years older than my parents, so this would probably appeal to them more. She is quite a relatable character in general, she talks openly about her mental illness and her struggles, even acknowledging moments that don't paint her in the best light - and I actually can't tell if it's just trauma, or if she has undiagnosed ADHD. I wouldn't be surprised if she does.
The writing was fine and I found Ruby to be very raw, honest, open and has an irreverent sense of humor. She's also very self depreciating. There's quite a bit of gallows humour in the book. That said, I wasn't a fan of when she mimics the voices of other people and some of their accents. Her family are from Vienna so I didn't mind the German impressions, but there are others that some people might find distasteful.
Otherwise, Ruby has an endearing way of telling a story and you can picture yourself there with her. I think anyone who struggles with mental health can find something in this book, even if it's just a laugh at Ruby Wax staying in a silent retreat.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 15, 2023
I really like Ruby Wax, and would be quite happy to listen to her read the phone book (I listen to books on Audible rather than read them). I've read/listened to most of her other books, but this one felt a bit different. I just felt she went off on a tangent quite a bit and jumped from one thing to another.
It basically consisted of her writing, a lot of it in diary format, about the lead up and subsequent 6 week stay in 'a mental institution'. She then peppered the book with anecdotes about jobs she had done in the lead up to that time, and from her career. I guess I just thought it was all a bit jumbled, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. If you haven't followed her career, or are too young to be au fait with it's trajectory, then some of the stories she tells are very interesting.
I can't be too judgemental about the book as she had clearly gone through a very hard time, and quite how she manage to produce a book at all is amazing.
It basically consisted of her writing, a lot of it in diary format, about the lead up and subsequent 6 week stay in 'a mental institution'. She then peppered the book with anecdotes about jobs she had done in the lead up to that time, and from her career. I guess I just thought it was all a bit jumbled, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. If you haven't followed her career, or are too young to be au fait with it's trajectory, then some of the stories she tells are very interesting.
I can't be too judgemental about the book as she had clearly gone through a very hard time, and quite how she manage to produce a book at all is amazing.
June 5, 2023
As always, Ruby knows how to break down (no pun intended) the realities of a breakdown into stories the reader can relate to.
She declares from the outset that this wasn't the book she intended to write so the reader goes on a bit of a journey with Ruby as she untangles her resurfaced mental health struggles from the original intention of her book, which was supposed to be a kind of travel memoir where she'd try out to find the meaning of life (no biggie).
If you like Ruby's personality you'll love the book. If you don't, you might see a different side to her when things get really dark. I love her searing honesty about mental health and I think she's the kind of person we need shouting from the rooftops about the realities of depression.
She declares from the outset that this wasn't the book she intended to write so the reader goes on a bit of a journey with Ruby as she untangles her resurfaced mental health struggles from the original intention of her book, which was supposed to be a kind of travel memoir where she'd try out to find the meaning of life (no biggie).
If you like Ruby's personality you'll love the book. If you don't, you might see a different side to her when things get really dark. I love her searing honesty about mental health and I think she's the kind of person we need shouting from the rooftops about the realities of depression.
April 13, 2024
This book sums up everything I thought about Ruby when I met her earlier this year. It wreaks of privilege and self-importance which is the experience I had of her. It’s hard to relate to a book where someone’s coping strategies for managing poor mental health are to just throw oodles of money at running away from their problems, or checking themselves into yet another rehabilitation centre (at what cost I might add). My experience of Ruby was that she has an inauthentic aura and chose only to surround herself with those that put her on a pedestal and hero worshipped her. There is a distinct theme of “poor me” with no acknowledgement of her privilege in being able to access all the professional help she has because of her material status. Un-relatable and just not funny.
June 7, 2023
Ruby is a recovering depressive, or at least she was, until last year when her illness crept up and yanked her back under for the first time in over ten years. In this book she's open and raw, taking us to spiritual retreats, her childhood home, her life in TV, the mental institution, and into her therapy sessions, and through all of that she's honest, funny, warm, and best of all, flawed - she can't fake it for us, God bless her.
I loved her before and I only love her more now. Also I listened to the audiobook which is actually Ruby reading it and I'd highly recommend this because of her deadpan delivery.
I loved her before and I only love her more now. Also I listened to the audiobook which is actually Ruby reading it and I'd highly recommend this because of her deadpan delivery.
April 17, 2024
I found this engaging, absorbing then realised it was wrecking my head. I forget every year or so that I need to stop reading about poor mental health as it overwhelms me. Some books convey it extremely well and this is one. It took me far into the pit of the illogical world that depression often is. I came back from this edge without falling in thanks to being in the world of audio book and a nice rainbow on my walk as I listened to the last chapter. That is my health warning. If you disappear into the emotions of books this is a difficult one.
March 10, 2024
Currently going through a depressive episode myself, I found Ruby Wax’s memoir to be a good comic relief. Her incessant and irrational search for meaning was fun to read through, and I can resonate with the urge to ‘keep busy’ to fend off depression.
The chapters were short and broken up into sections so I found it was manageable for my brain at attention span at the moment. I would have loved to hear more about her experiences in the mental clinic, but beyond that it was a great read.
The chapters were short and broken up into sections so I found it was manageable for my brain at attention span at the moment. I would have loved to hear more about her experiences in the mental clinic, but beyond that it was a great read.
March 13, 2024
Well-written, insightful, and exceptionally honest.
While past reviews criticise the incoherency of this book, that’s one of the things I found so charming about it. Combining therapy session monologues with memories of travelling, retreats, psychiatric care, and close relationships, this book was a refreshing mismatch of how confusing, ever-present, and sneaky mental illness can be to those who suffer.
While past reviews criticise the incoherency of this book, that’s one of the things I found so charming about it. Combining therapy session monologues with memories of travelling, retreats, psychiatric care, and close relationships, this book was a refreshing mismatch of how confusing, ever-present, and sneaky mental illness can be to those who suffer.
August 3, 2023
I absolutely adored this book. I find Ruby Wax’s writing so accessible. This is a very real and unflinching look at what happens when we go through periods of being mentally unwell and isn’t all neatly wrapped up in bow. I loved the lack of a linear timeline - I think it reiterates what Ruby Wax was going through.
Highly highly recommend.
Highly highly recommend.
August 31, 2023
I absolutely hated it. First off or is extremely misleading, you are expecting a memoir about mental health struggles but instead you just have recollection of braggy fantastic adventures and name dropping of an irrelevant has been who only makes money doing potatoes crisp commercial while pretending to be spiritual on meditation retreat. Could not finish it utter crap
September 15, 2023
A really touching look at mental health from the inside. Painfully personal, but as the author doesn't seem to mind sharing, I didn't feel like a voyeur while reading about her childhood issues and her ongoing insecurities.
which I really like with this type of story.
which I really like with this type of story.
October 23, 2023
I listened to this book as an audio book which I liked because you could really feel her point of view better than I feel you might in text. I found it therapeutic to listen to and a refreshing outlook on life from someone who has struggled but still manages to find the light within the darkness she has faced. A great book. Thank-you Ruby!
October 28, 2023
There were some good things about this book, some chuckle moments and some thoughtful moments.
I'm oddly conscious that Ruby Wax is the kind of person who will be reading her goodreads reviews 😅
Overall, I'm glad I read it, the final chapter was certainly the standout but you need to read the rest to fully appreciate it.
I'm oddly conscious that Ruby Wax is the kind of person who will be reading her goodreads reviews 😅
Overall, I'm glad I read it, the final chapter was certainly the standout but you need to read the rest to fully appreciate it.
February 27, 2024
Having read other reviews which mention Ruby’s ego, boasting, waffling and what not I had my reservations. However if you have suffered from any sort of mental illness it makes sense the way she writes this way. An overall mid book for me, I struggle with non-fiction but gave it the benefit of the doubt and didn’t hate it
Displaying 1 - 30 of 73 reviews