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Touching Two Worlds
A trauma psychologist explores the inner workings of her own grief ― and leaves an invaluable guide for those seeking hope in the aftermath of loss.
As a therapist, Dr. Sherry Walling knew all the “right” things to say to help people through grief. But when she lost her father to cancer and her brother to suicide within six months of each other, she had the unfortunate chance to encounter two types of mourning up close―the slowly unfolding terminal illness and the sudden and stigmatized death by suicide. She realized we’re getting grief all wrong.
In Touching Two Worlds , this trusted expert dares to open the inner workings of her own grief―and in the process, provides an invaluable resource for those seeking hope in the aftermath of loss. Written with honesty, gentle humor, and deep understanding, this book was created to bring comfort to friends and family when there are few helpful words to say.
Dr. Walling grieves as a sister, daughter, mother, and mental health expert. She shares moving personal stories while offering a broad range of healing strategies and exercises derived from neuroscience―like how to heal through movement, how to cry in public, how to talk to kids about death, and how to cope with survivor’s guilt. These are tips from someone who has been there, as well as approaches informed by professional expertise.
Touching Two Worlds is a story of love, sadness, and renewal. Whether your loss is recent and sharp or old and familiar, Dr. Walling delivers wise and tender guidance to help you carry the weight of grief while finding your own path forward.
As a therapist, Dr. Sherry Walling knew all the “right” things to say to help people through grief. But when she lost her father to cancer and her brother to suicide within six months of each other, she had the unfortunate chance to encounter two types of mourning up close―the slowly unfolding terminal illness and the sudden and stigmatized death by suicide. She realized we’re getting grief all wrong.
In Touching Two Worlds , this trusted expert dares to open the inner workings of her own grief―and in the process, provides an invaluable resource for those seeking hope in the aftermath of loss. Written with honesty, gentle humor, and deep understanding, this book was created to bring comfort to friends and family when there are few helpful words to say.
Dr. Walling grieves as a sister, daughter, mother, and mental health expert. She shares moving personal stories while offering a broad range of healing strategies and exercises derived from neuroscience―like how to heal through movement, how to cry in public, how to talk to kids about death, and how to cope with survivor’s guilt. These are tips from someone who has been there, as well as approaches informed by professional expertise.
Touching Two Worlds is a story of love, sadness, and renewal. Whether your loss is recent and sharp or old and familiar, Dr. Walling delivers wise and tender guidance to help you carry the weight of grief while finding your own path forward.
288 pages, Paperback
Published July 26, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
January 27, 2022
Thank you, Sounds True, for the advance reading copy.
Divided into four distinct sections, the book deals heavily with grief and the emotions on losing someone close to you.
A very personal and insightful read, the book gives a glimpse of the author's experiences and how they felt, what they went through and how they coped during these difficult times.
I find the writing really comforting and I believe it will help someone else going through such experiences.
I appreciate the lyrical/poetic writing at some parts. It does made the read a better experience for me.
I hope you would be aware that the book deals with losing someone to suicide and cancer.
I really appreciate the book and the author for sharing their personal experiences; on sharing some of the most helpful tips and suggestions on the topic.
Looking forward to more of the author's work in the future.
I found so much comfort while reading the book.
Divided into four distinct sections, the book deals heavily with grief and the emotions on losing someone close to you.
A very personal and insightful read, the book gives a glimpse of the author's experiences and how they felt, what they went through and how they coped during these difficult times.
I find the writing really comforting and I believe it will help someone else going through such experiences.
I appreciate the lyrical/poetic writing at some parts. It does made the read a better experience for me.
I hope you would be aware that the book deals with losing someone to suicide and cancer.
I really appreciate the book and the author for sharing their personal experiences; on sharing some of the most helpful tips and suggestions on the topic.
Looking forward to more of the author's work in the future.
I found so much comfort while reading the book.
February 3, 2023
First of all, many thanks to my friend, Sherry Walling, for writing this book. For sharing her deeply personal stories. For talking about the hard things (even in funny, lighthearted ways sometimes). But, most of all, for helping to normalize all the parts of grief that we just don’t talk enough about.
Sherry writes in such a grounded, authentic, and conversational tone, that I feel like I’m sitting in her living room with her (both of us with Old Fashioneds in hand) while she fills me in on what’s happened in her life over the last several years. It’s a gut-wrenching journey, but she has this beautiful way of weaving humor throughout to make it all more true-to-life (and more palatable.)
I loved that the book was broken into larger sections that each had a collection of short ‘chapters’ that read more like a series of essays. And the practical tools and exercises she included at the end of each chapter were so topical and approachable that I actually put down the book to do a few of them in the moment (instead of my typical response of waiting until after I’m completely done reading the book and then never really going back to do it.)
It’s kinda weird to say that I was actually excited to read a book about grief, but on my journey to a healthier, more integrated form of grief in my life, this book was perfectly timed for me.
So, here's what I learned from this book (with some quotes I loved mixed in):
1) It’s hard to read when there’s a constant stream of water escaping your eyes. (Related: I should have gotten the box of tissues and a glass of water before I sat down. 🤪)
“I’ve been surprised at how much work grief is. Far more than simple sadness, grief is loud and forceful and dynamic.”
2) My heart can hurt deeply AND I can laugh boisterously at the same time, and both of these things can be completely genuine.
3)”There is no precise GPS for getting through grief. Truth be told, we never arrive on the other side. It is a landscape we live in now.”
4) We never should have done away with black armbands and clothing for those who are grieving. If people knew why I was in such a bad mood, maybe they’d be a little more kind and gentle with me. (And vice versa.)
5) There’s an art to crying in public… and now I just need a good hoodie.
6) The disorientation at the beginning of grief, and the almost obsessive need to put all those memories back in exact order later on, is all normal and part of the process.
7)It’s a universal truth that someone will say something stupid to you while you’re grieving. Period.
8)Memorial services are awkward for all the reasons (and way more reasons than I’d thought of before) and that’s okay because they’re also important to the grieving process. So, just do what you need to in order to get through the day as best you can. Even if that means eating ALL the cookies.
9)The “land mines in my psyche” that currently trigger intense anxiety and very specific, difficult memories for me do not have to be “permanent fixtures in my inner decor.”
Such a relief to know after experiencing the closest thing to a panic attack I’ve ever felt in the middle of a darkened movie theater watching “Top Gun: Maverick” and listening to Val Kilmer cough. The surprise of the instant adrenaline dump, the intense need to flee the theater NOW, the sudden, fast-paced, shallow breathing, heart racing, and then (several moments later) the immediate forced viewing of an unrequested, technicolor memory on my mind's movie screen, entirely overwhelmed my senses to the point of feeling completely disoriented. I had to tell myself to slow my breathing, remind myself I was sitting in a theater with my family, that I was completely safe. The whole experience was totally overwhelming and completely unexpected and very scary. I spent several weeks afterward unpacking that experience bit by bit. Knowing now that doesn’t have to happen every time I hear *that* cough for the rest of my life - and having practical tools for how to address it when it does - has brought incredible relief.
10)“The drive to fight [for the survival of a terminally ill loved one] can keep us from being present to grief, from doing the work of grief.” (For us and for them, too.)
11)Even the little indignities that happen during loss and death deserve their time to be felt, processed, and released.
12)Noticing and later remembering the moments of beauty and even the moments of lightness and levity in the midst of the darkest times are gifts to be cherished as almost sacred.
13)“The Audacity of the Sunrise:
[The sunrise] emerges from darkness with a slow, gentle motion. It seems to respect that the darkness has its place. Its emergence is not aggressive or defiant. Yet it does not for a moment deny itself. It does not apologize for the brilliant display of light and color. For the act of entering into the aliveness of the day.”
14)It’s okay to use a TV show (or anything else) as a “transitional object” to help soothe upset emotions.
15)“It’s impossible to extricate grief and love. They are intertwined like light and shadow and roots and plants. You can’t have one without the other. I am in grief because I was in love.
That is what makes grief a beautiful expression of strength. It is not an enemy. It hurts because it should hurt.”
16)“Poetry is the tapas for the soul. Small bites. Rich with flavor and nourishment.”
17)“Say the names of your lost loved ones. Tell their stories. Speak their truths. Post their photos.
Keep their stories fresh and tended.
Let the lost know that they hold a place within you. Don’t banish them to the shadowy storage room of your mind. Let them be part of you.”
I learned from a close friend years ago that those who are grieving want to hear you use their loved one’s name and want to hear your stories about them, too. Even if it does make them cry.
18)I never learned (or had modeled) how to process grief in a healthy way because of the Evangelical Christianity I grew up in which said, “Don’t cry! They’re in heaven with Jesus now! What a joyous place! And you’ll get to see them again some day!”
Meanwhile, inside my head and heart Sherry’s words have summed up exactly how I was feeling:
“The truth is that heaven doesn’t matter to me right now. It is an unknowable question and, either way, they are inaccessible to me. They are there and I am here. Mentalizing about what they’re doing and where they are doesn’t serve me at this point in the story. It is existentially unknowable and practically inconsequential.”
Now I know that it’s actually okay and normal to mourn and grieve and miss them - even if I did believe that they are “in a better place.” Then it becomes about how I choose to connect with my loved one in a new way. Wherever and whenever I feel closest to their presence and their memory.
19)“The date on the calendar, the cues of the season, the reminders in the external world - all of it triggers a phenomenon of re-experiencing in which the moments of loss play over again, loud and in surround sound, in the movie theater of the mind.”
This is why for 4-5 years after my grandmother's death, January was a depressing month for me, where previously it had been my favorite month of the year. It didn’t make sense to me why I felt so moody, even on years 2, 3, and 4 - why I couldn’t seem to snap out it; couldn’t stop the random, unexplained tears; couldn’t understand the days that felt so grey that I didn’t want to get out of bed.
But, the most intense experience I had of this was on the one year anniversary of a dear friend's passing. In the early morning hours, while I was still half asleep, I took the dog out in the backyard and noticed that I felt heavy and dark. I went back to bed still not knowing why. It wasn’t until I fully woke up a few hours later that my brain processed what the date was. Then I finally understood in my head what my body was already feeling.
20)“Grief is a marker of a beautiful, full life… What if all is us began to embrace grief? What if we stopped treating grief as a weakness to hide or relegate to the margins of a full life, but instead welcomed it as a teacher? As a companion?”
21)Such a beautiful description of integrated grief (and one I feel like I can finally relate to):
“Loss has changed me. And grief is now my companion. And I’m okay.”
Sherry writes in such a grounded, authentic, and conversational tone, that I feel like I’m sitting in her living room with her (both of us with Old Fashioneds in hand) while she fills me in on what’s happened in her life over the last several years. It’s a gut-wrenching journey, but she has this beautiful way of weaving humor throughout to make it all more true-to-life (and more palatable.)
I loved that the book was broken into larger sections that each had a collection of short ‘chapters’ that read more like a series of essays. And the practical tools and exercises she included at the end of each chapter were so topical and approachable that I actually put down the book to do a few of them in the moment (instead of my typical response of waiting until after I’m completely done reading the book and then never really going back to do it.)
It’s kinda weird to say that I was actually excited to read a book about grief, but on my journey to a healthier, more integrated form of grief in my life, this book was perfectly timed for me.
So, here's what I learned from this book (with some quotes I loved mixed in):
1) It’s hard to read when there’s a constant stream of water escaping your eyes. (Related: I should have gotten the box of tissues and a glass of water before I sat down. 🤪)
“I’ve been surprised at how much work grief is. Far more than simple sadness, grief is loud and forceful and dynamic.”
2) My heart can hurt deeply AND I can laugh boisterously at the same time, and both of these things can be completely genuine.
3)”There is no precise GPS for getting through grief. Truth be told, we never arrive on the other side. It is a landscape we live in now.”
4) We never should have done away with black armbands and clothing for those who are grieving. If people knew why I was in such a bad mood, maybe they’d be a little more kind and gentle with me. (And vice versa.)
5) There’s an art to crying in public… and now I just need a good hoodie.
6) The disorientation at the beginning of grief, and the almost obsessive need to put all those memories back in exact order later on, is all normal and part of the process.
7)It’s a universal truth that someone will say something stupid to you while you’re grieving. Period.
8)Memorial services are awkward for all the reasons (and way more reasons than I’d thought of before) and that’s okay because they’re also important to the grieving process. So, just do what you need to in order to get through the day as best you can. Even if that means eating ALL the cookies.
9)The “land mines in my psyche” that currently trigger intense anxiety and very specific, difficult memories for me do not have to be “permanent fixtures in my inner decor.”
Such a relief to know after experiencing the closest thing to a panic attack I’ve ever felt in the middle of a darkened movie theater watching “Top Gun: Maverick” and listening to Val Kilmer cough. The surprise of the instant adrenaline dump, the intense need to flee the theater NOW, the sudden, fast-paced, shallow breathing, heart racing, and then (several moments later) the immediate forced viewing of an unrequested, technicolor memory on my mind's movie screen, entirely overwhelmed my senses to the point of feeling completely disoriented. I had to tell myself to slow my breathing, remind myself I was sitting in a theater with my family, that I was completely safe. The whole experience was totally overwhelming and completely unexpected and very scary. I spent several weeks afterward unpacking that experience bit by bit. Knowing now that doesn’t have to happen every time I hear *that* cough for the rest of my life - and having practical tools for how to address it when it does - has brought incredible relief.
10)“The drive to fight [for the survival of a terminally ill loved one] can keep us from being present to grief, from doing the work of grief.” (For us and for them, too.)
11)Even the little indignities that happen during loss and death deserve their time to be felt, processed, and released.
12)Noticing and later remembering the moments of beauty and even the moments of lightness and levity in the midst of the darkest times are gifts to be cherished as almost sacred.
13)“The Audacity of the Sunrise:
[The sunrise] emerges from darkness with a slow, gentle motion. It seems to respect that the darkness has its place. Its emergence is not aggressive or defiant. Yet it does not for a moment deny itself. It does not apologize for the brilliant display of light and color. For the act of entering into the aliveness of the day.”
14)It’s okay to use a TV show (or anything else) as a “transitional object” to help soothe upset emotions.
15)“It’s impossible to extricate grief and love. They are intertwined like light and shadow and roots and plants. You can’t have one without the other. I am in grief because I was in love.
That is what makes grief a beautiful expression of strength. It is not an enemy. It hurts because it should hurt.”
16)“Poetry is the tapas for the soul. Small bites. Rich with flavor and nourishment.”
17)“Say the names of your lost loved ones. Tell their stories. Speak their truths. Post their photos.
Keep their stories fresh and tended.
Let the lost know that they hold a place within you. Don’t banish them to the shadowy storage room of your mind. Let them be part of you.”
I learned from a close friend years ago that those who are grieving want to hear you use their loved one’s name and want to hear your stories about them, too. Even if it does make them cry.
18)I never learned (or had modeled) how to process grief in a healthy way because of the Evangelical Christianity I grew up in which said, “Don’t cry! They’re in heaven with Jesus now! What a joyous place! And you’ll get to see them again some day!”
Meanwhile, inside my head and heart Sherry’s words have summed up exactly how I was feeling:
“The truth is that heaven doesn’t matter to me right now. It is an unknowable question and, either way, they are inaccessible to me. They are there and I am here. Mentalizing about what they’re doing and where they are doesn’t serve me at this point in the story. It is existentially unknowable and practically inconsequential.”
Now I know that it’s actually okay and normal to mourn and grieve and miss them - even if I did believe that they are “in a better place.” Then it becomes about how I choose to connect with my loved one in a new way. Wherever and whenever I feel closest to their presence and their memory.
19)“The date on the calendar, the cues of the season, the reminders in the external world - all of it triggers a phenomenon of re-experiencing in which the moments of loss play over again, loud and in surround sound, in the movie theater of the mind.”
This is why for 4-5 years after my grandmother's death, January was a depressing month for me, where previously it had been my favorite month of the year. It didn’t make sense to me why I felt so moody, even on years 2, 3, and 4 - why I couldn’t seem to snap out it; couldn’t stop the random, unexplained tears; couldn’t understand the days that felt so grey that I didn’t want to get out of bed.
But, the most intense experience I had of this was on the one year anniversary of a dear friend's passing. In the early morning hours, while I was still half asleep, I took the dog out in the backyard and noticed that I felt heavy and dark. I went back to bed still not knowing why. It wasn’t until I fully woke up a few hours later that my brain processed what the date was. Then I finally understood in my head what my body was already feeling.
20)“Grief is a marker of a beautiful, full life… What if all is us began to embrace grief? What if we stopped treating grief as a weakness to hide or relegate to the margins of a full life, but instead welcomed it as a teacher? As a companion?”
21)Such a beautiful description of integrated grief (and one I feel like I can finally relate to):
“Loss has changed me. And grief is now my companion. And I’m okay.”
March 3, 2022
I was lucky to get an early copy and devoured this book in a single weekend. It was heartbreaking and funny and filled with insights about how we grieve.
August 16, 2023
grateful for Dr. Sherry Walling’s vulnerability to share such intimate parts of her life experience. this book has been very helpful in broadening my understanding for experiencing and processing grief, both in my own lived experiences and deepened my ability to understand others who have experienced it as well. it has grown my empathy muscle and has shown me ways to sit with grief and hold reverence for it. much of this book was read with silent tears streaming down my face, it was a safe space to delve deeper and help create meaningful conversations around what has been lost and how to honor this rather than sweep it under the rug. the book is very interesting and engaging, and im thankful for a new lens of which im able to experience and process grief. thank you Sherry!
January 19, 2024
I felt her so deeply! :(
The experience was hard. I liked the way she acknowledged the pain, she described it elegantly and the tips she provided are applicable.
The experience was hard. I liked the way she acknowledged the pain, she described it elegantly and the tips she provided are applicable.
April 7, 2023
I was browsing the shelves of my local Indie bookseller when, for no good reason, I felt compelled to purchase this book. Yes, I have experienced great grief in my life several times. I'm familiar with making my way through the process. Why did I want to/need to read more? I don't know but something about the description and the comfortable writing style that I previewed while standing in the bookstore made me want to bring that book home to read. I'm not sorry that I did.
The book is real and grounded in genuine experiences of grief. At the end of most short chapters, there are some further thoughts or strategies that might help the reader process grief or trauma. The suggestions can often be extrapolated to losses of all kinds, not only the death of loved ones. Life really is one loss after another and Dr Walling makes room for different ways to adjust to and learn from loss.
If you are acutely grieving today, I recommend this book. You won't feel alone in your sadness and you might come away with some pieces of wisdom to help you in this most difficult early grief stage. If intense grief was an experience in the distant past but you want to still feel more at ease with your loss, I recommend this book. There are thoughts and strategies for you too. If you are preparing for some future grief (it comes to everyone , sooner or later), I suggest this book. Nothing can really prepare you for the emotional impact of grief but you might get a sense of what to expect. This book is a good guide as well for people who want to know how to comfort other people who suddenly find themselves in a world of hurt.
The book is real and grounded in genuine experiences of grief. At the end of most short chapters, there are some further thoughts or strategies that might help the reader process grief or trauma. The suggestions can often be extrapolated to losses of all kinds, not only the death of loved ones. Life really is one loss after another and Dr Walling makes room for different ways to adjust to and learn from loss.
If you are acutely grieving today, I recommend this book. You won't feel alone in your sadness and you might come away with some pieces of wisdom to help you in this most difficult early grief stage. If intense grief was an experience in the distant past but you want to still feel more at ease with your loss, I recommend this book. There are thoughts and strategies for you too. If you are preparing for some future grief (it comes to everyone , sooner or later), I suggest this book. Nothing can really prepare you for the emotional impact of grief but you might get a sense of what to expect. This book is a good guide as well for people who want to know how to comfort other people who suddenly find themselves in a world of hurt.
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February 9, 2023What do you do when your work becomes your personal life? Perhaps you spend your time helping others with substance abuse, and a family member starts abusing; or you work with grief counseling, and suddenly, you’re faced with the death of a parent, a spouse, or a child. It’s the place that Sherry Walling, a licensed mental health professional, found herself in. In Touching Two Worlds: A Guide for Finding Hope in the Landscape of Loss, she shares the stories about losing her father and her brother.
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March 21, 2024
A deeply vulnerable look at grief, Sherry shares the death of her father, followed by the traumatic loss of her brother.
So many lines of this book resonated with me. So many emotions and thoughts and feelings. Between traumatically losing my daughter, and the very recent death of my father, entangled with the physical loss of my grandson, everything written here is on point.
Thank you Sherry for sharing your story, so that others don’t feel quite so alone.
So many lines of this book resonated with me. So many emotions and thoughts and feelings. Between traumatically losing my daughter, and the very recent death of my father, entangled with the physical loss of my grandson, everything written here is on point.
Thank you Sherry for sharing your story, so that others don’t feel quite so alone.
September 18, 2022
Sherry has written a compelling, helpful and oh-so-human guide to navigating grief based on her own experiences.
I cannot even imagine how she managed to put this together while dealing with so much, but I'm so pleased she did. This book is a gift to the world that will help so many people.
Sherry's writing covers many facets of the complex topic. The stories hit home, the advice is so useful and the message is powerful: I see you - your feelings are real - you're not alone - this is not easy - you're going to be okay.
While reading the book you feel very connected to Sherry and you feel like she is gently guiding you through your personal journey with grief.
I recommend this book to anyone dealing with grief and loss. Even if you're not - read it so you're better prepared when it inevitably visits.
I cannot even imagine how she managed to put this together while dealing with so much, but I'm so pleased she did. This book is a gift to the world that will help so many people.
Sherry's writing covers many facets of the complex topic. The stories hit home, the advice is so useful and the message is powerful: I see you - your feelings are real - you're not alone - this is not easy - you're going to be okay.
While reading the book you feel very connected to Sherry and you feel like she is gently guiding you through your personal journey with grief.
I recommend this book to anyone dealing with grief and loss. Even if you're not - read it so you're better prepared when it inevitably visits.
September 12, 2022
Great Book
I choose this book because I lost my Father and Brother a year apart. My Dad died from old age but my brother died from alcoholism. This book helped me a lot because I have been consumed with grief and ofcourse I wish I could have helped my brother. Thank you for writing this book.
I choose this book because I lost my Father and Brother a year apart. My Dad died from old age but my brother died from alcoholism. This book helped me a lot because I have been consumed with grief and ofcourse I wish I could have helped my brother. Thank you for writing this book.
September 16, 2022
my version of a playbook for grief work. personal story interspersed with wisdom and pointers, just incredibly dynamic and purposeful. thank you for opening yourself up, sherry.
October 8, 2022
This book was a beautiful walk through the nuances of grief. Those moments of rupture between joy and grief, loss and remembering. I highly recommend.
October 22, 2022
Beautifully written book with honest and relatable insight. I appreciate the candor and Sherry sharing her grief journey. Brave and cherished.
January 21, 2023
Saw the circus show, now read the book!
June 23, 2023
Incredibly personal and poignant journey through the complexities of grief. Highly recommend.
September 23, 2023
Such a powerful book about living with loss and grief.
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews