What do you think?
Rate this book
The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership: A New Paradigm for Sustainable Success
You’ll never see leadership the same way again after reading this book. These fifteen commitments are a distillation of decades of work with CEOs and other leaders. They are radical or provocative for many. They have been game changers for us and for our clients. We trust that they will be for you too. Our experience is that unconscious leadership is not sustainable. It won’t work for you, your team or your organization in the long term. Unconscious leadership can deliver short term results, but the costs of living and leading unconsciously are great. Fear drives most leaders to make choices that are at odds with healthy relationships, vitality and balance. This fear leaves a toxic residue that won’t be as easily tolerated in an increasingly complex business environment. Conscious leadership offers the antidote to fear. These pages contain a comprehensive road map to guide you to shift from fear-based to trust-based leadership. Once you learn and start practicing conscious leadership you’ll get results in the form of more energy, clarity, focus and healthier relationships. You’ll do more and more of what you are passionate about, and less of what you do out of obligation. You’ll have more fun, be happier, experience less drama and be more on purpose. Your team will get results as well. They’ll be more collaborative, creative, energized and engaged. They’ll solve issues faster, and once resolved the issues won’t resurface. Drama and gossip will all but disappear, and the energy and resources that fueled them will be redirected towards innovation and creativity. Any one of these commitments will change your life. All of them together are revolutionary. Leaders who practice the 15 · End blame and criticism · Speak candidly, openly and honestly, in a way that invites others to do the same · Find their unique genius · Let go of taking everything—especially themselves and their problems—so seriously · Create win for all solutions · Experience a new relationship to time and money where there is always enough What do you need to bring to the table? Be curious. Sounds so simple, and yet in our experience it’s a skill few have mastered. Most of us are far more interested in being right and proving it, than we are in learning, growing and shifting out of our old patterns. By default we gravitate towards the familiar. We’re asking you to take a chance and explore the unfamiliar. You’ll get scared and reactive. We all do. So what? Just stay curious and let us introduce you to a whole new world of leadership.
377 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 10, 2015
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 197 reviews
September 29, 2018
it's one of those books that might be for you or not. if your curiosity is tickled, below i've outlined the first couple of chapters:
15 commitments of conscious leadership: a new paradigm of sustainable business
*Tim-leading from below the line:
on edge. fear. insecure. runs from silence. sleep deprived. unconscious. emotionally disconnected. judgmental. anxious. ego. surviving. constant hyper-arousal. reactive, stuck in past or imagined story. angry. below the line leadership is closed, defensive and committed to being right.
*Sharon-leading from above the line:
healthy. rested. intimately connected. present. living in her genius. organized. well developed system. self-care through yoga/meditation. independent. spirit of play permeates. grounded. secure. candid. master delegator. takes responsibility. conscious leader. candid. self-aware. trust. above the line leadership is open, curious and committed to learning.
are you leading from above or below the line?
being unconscious is serious. what is it though? a sever blow to the head? by definition, a dramatic alteration of one’s mental state that involves a complete or near complete lack of responsiveness to people and other environmental stimuli.
**4 ways of leading & being**
“we want to clarify that these four ways of being are states not stages of development. stages are progressive, sequential eras in the life of a person or organization. for example, a person undergoes stages of infancy, childhood, adolescence and adulthood. states on the other hand, are not sequential. we don’t move from one developmental state to another but rather, in an ongoing irregular way. think of the awake, dreaming and non-dreaming sleep states, people move in and out of these states throughout the day and night. one is not better or more advanced than the other. this is an important clarification for us because when we present the model to leaders, they often interpret it as stages of development and that is not the intention. indeed moving from to-me to by-me to through-me and back to to-me can take a mater of hours or minutes. becoming aware of which state we’re in in any given moment is first key to shifting... where are you living and leading from now?... become masters at answering accurately. only then do we have the real option to shift to another state of leadership.”
1. to-me way of leading: synonymous to being below the line. 95% of people spend 98% of their time in this state, being “at the affect of” meaning the cause of my condition is outside of me, it’s happening to me. cause being a person, circumstance or condition, i believe they’re acted upon by external forces. moody. makes others responsible for their happiness. victim consciousness.
2. by-me way: above the line. living in creator consciousness, instead of being at the affect of they are “consciously creating with”. instead of believing the cause of their experience is outside of themselves they believe that they are the cause of their experience. everything in the world is unfolding perfectly for their learning and development, nothing has to be different (detaching from codependency). life is like a university, lessons beings classes that we can learn from. you can either be at the affect of other students or the teacher or you can be “consciously creating with”. a leader chooses curiosity and learning versus defensiveness and being right. always learning and keeps it going. gateway to shifting from to-me to by-me is radical responsibility. choosing to take responsibility for what’s going on in our lives and letting go of blaming anyone-ourselves, others, circumstances or conditions and opening through curiosity by learning all that life has to teach us. an empowered state.
3. through-me: i am the center of my consciousness, everything relates to me are two main focuses in the above states; however, curiosity guides the leader to a different set of questions in this state-like, am i the center of the universe? is there something going on in addition to me? what is the nature of this other? is it possible to be in relationship to this other? some that ask these questions are religious or scientist, many are not. the scientist conclude that the “other” is the energy of the quantum field. some experience it as love. the universe. presence. god. the key to through-me is that leaders begin to notice something beyond themselves. being clear of your individual purpose and vision is needed. what do you want? dig deeper. what do you really want? sit till you have the answer. align your life with this purpose that wants to manifest through you. what is life’s highest idea of itself that wants to manifest in and through-me? listen attentively to what is being communicated to them. they understand that there’s a source that’s also moving in this world that wants to move through-them. it can be communicated to you through words, sounds, pictures, intuitive impressions... if you’re willing the communication flows. through-me visioning. must let go of wanting to be in control of what we were never in control of in the first place. let go...
4. as-me: most leaders aren’t ready or interested in this state. two aspects. first is oneness, there is no separation there is only one reality and it is not divided. sometimes this is called duality, which simply means not two. energy is all it is and it is not divisible. what appears solid is only space. if you look closely to what separates your resting arm from a table is not solid at all. not only is everything and everyone one but there is no separation and no personal center. this is a unique state because it has no questions. no seeking, no suffering. all questions about identity, life, purpose and so on are replaced by the constant experience by the life in the moment. look at resource section for further tools on state 3 and state 4.
this book is about moving from to-me to by-me!
15 COMMITMENTS:
master first 2 before moving on, it’s essential to shifting from to-me to by-me and a foundation for practicing the rest.
1. TAKING RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY - shift out of blame/criticism (victim, villain, hero) & into learning, greater co-creativity. try the responsibility worksheet: step 1) identify the issue, state the complaint in unenlightened terms. step 2) step into 100% responsibility, find a place in the room that represents responsibility for situations. step 3) gain insight by repeating these statements until you have a break through: “from the past this reminds me of” “i keep this situation going by” “what i get from keeping this situation going is” “the life long pattern im noticing is” “i can demonstrate 100% responsibility concerning this issue by” step 4) if you don’t shift in step 3, go back to step 1 and repeat the process. pay attention to the questions you ask. learn and move on.
2. LEARNING THROUGH CURIOSITY - i commit to growing and self-awareness. i commit to regarding every interaction as an opportunity to learn. i commit to curiosity as a path to rapid learning. four predictors of sustained success: self-awareness, learning agility, communication and influence. first two are internal, last two are external. drift shift model: presence - people usually are for about 4 seconds, then “something” interrupts the attention then we begin to drift. drifting can look in many different ways, blaming, worrying, intellectualize, rushing, facebooking, rushing, care-taking, sarcastic, getting tired, correcting, getting confused, explaining, comparing, getting shy, seeking approval, dismissing, procrastinating, getting enlightened, organizing, smiling, cleaning... how long do we stay in a drift before we shift? shifting is the master skill of all conscious leaders. am i willing to shift? before we shift, we need to have conscious breathing (4 second inhale & exhale) + change your body posture. then shift move of wonder, a child like “wonder”, open-ended curiosity is not knowing or caring if there is an answer to your question. 3 buckets: what you know, what you know you don’t know and what you don’t know you don’t know.
15 commitments of conscious leadership: a new paradigm of sustainable business
*Tim-leading from below the line:
on edge. fear. insecure. runs from silence. sleep deprived. unconscious. emotionally disconnected. judgmental. anxious. ego. surviving. constant hyper-arousal. reactive, stuck in past or imagined story. angry. below the line leadership is closed, defensive and committed to being right.
*Sharon-leading from above the line:
healthy. rested. intimately connected. present. living in her genius. organized. well developed system. self-care through yoga/meditation. independent. spirit of play permeates. grounded. secure. candid. master delegator. takes responsibility. conscious leader. candid. self-aware. trust. above the line leadership is open, curious and committed to learning.
are you leading from above or below the line?
being unconscious is serious. what is it though? a sever blow to the head? by definition, a dramatic alteration of one’s mental state that involves a complete or near complete lack of responsiveness to people and other environmental stimuli.
**4 ways of leading & being**
“we want to clarify that these four ways of being are states not stages of development. stages are progressive, sequential eras in the life of a person or organization. for example, a person undergoes stages of infancy, childhood, adolescence and adulthood. states on the other hand, are not sequential. we don’t move from one developmental state to another but rather, in an ongoing irregular way. think of the awake, dreaming and non-dreaming sleep states, people move in and out of these states throughout the day and night. one is not better or more advanced than the other. this is an important clarification for us because when we present the model to leaders, they often interpret it as stages of development and that is not the intention. indeed moving from to-me to by-me to through-me and back to to-me can take a mater of hours or minutes. becoming aware of which state we’re in in any given moment is first key to shifting... where are you living and leading from now?... become masters at answering accurately. only then do we have the real option to shift to another state of leadership.”
1. to-me way of leading: synonymous to being below the line. 95% of people spend 98% of their time in this state, being “at the affect of” meaning the cause of my condition is outside of me, it’s happening to me. cause being a person, circumstance or condition, i believe they’re acted upon by external forces. moody. makes others responsible for their happiness. victim consciousness.
2. by-me way: above the line. living in creator consciousness, instead of being at the affect of they are “consciously creating with”. instead of believing the cause of their experience is outside of themselves they believe that they are the cause of their experience. everything in the world is unfolding perfectly for their learning and development, nothing has to be different (detaching from codependency). life is like a university, lessons beings classes that we can learn from. you can either be at the affect of other students or the teacher or you can be “consciously creating with”. a leader chooses curiosity and learning versus defensiveness and being right. always learning and keeps it going. gateway to shifting from to-me to by-me is radical responsibility. choosing to take responsibility for what’s going on in our lives and letting go of blaming anyone-ourselves, others, circumstances or conditions and opening through curiosity by learning all that life has to teach us. an empowered state.
3. through-me: i am the center of my consciousness, everything relates to me are two main focuses in the above states; however, curiosity guides the leader to a different set of questions in this state-like, am i the center of the universe? is there something going on in addition to me? what is the nature of this other? is it possible to be in relationship to this other? some that ask these questions are religious or scientist, many are not. the scientist conclude that the “other” is the energy of the quantum field. some experience it as love. the universe. presence. god. the key to through-me is that leaders begin to notice something beyond themselves. being clear of your individual purpose and vision is needed. what do you want? dig deeper. what do you really want? sit till you have the answer. align your life with this purpose that wants to manifest through you. what is life’s highest idea of itself that wants to manifest in and through-me? listen attentively to what is being communicated to them. they understand that there’s a source that’s also moving in this world that wants to move through-them. it can be communicated to you through words, sounds, pictures, intuitive impressions... if you’re willing the communication flows. through-me visioning. must let go of wanting to be in control of what we were never in control of in the first place. let go...
4. as-me: most leaders aren’t ready or interested in this state. two aspects. first is oneness, there is no separation there is only one reality and it is not divided. sometimes this is called duality, which simply means not two. energy is all it is and it is not divisible. what appears solid is only space. if you look closely to what separates your resting arm from a table is not solid at all. not only is everything and everyone one but there is no separation and no personal center. this is a unique state because it has no questions. no seeking, no suffering. all questions about identity, life, purpose and so on are replaced by the constant experience by the life in the moment. look at resource section for further tools on state 3 and state 4.
this book is about moving from to-me to by-me!
15 COMMITMENTS:
master first 2 before moving on, it’s essential to shifting from to-me to by-me and a foundation for practicing the rest.
1. TAKING RADICAL RESPONSIBILITY - shift out of blame/criticism (victim, villain, hero) & into learning, greater co-creativity. try the responsibility worksheet: step 1) identify the issue, state the complaint in unenlightened terms. step 2) step into 100% responsibility, find a place in the room that represents responsibility for situations. step 3) gain insight by repeating these statements until you have a break through: “from the past this reminds me of” “i keep this situation going by” “what i get from keeping this situation going is” “the life long pattern im noticing is” “i can demonstrate 100% responsibility concerning this issue by” step 4) if you don’t shift in step 3, go back to step 1 and repeat the process. pay attention to the questions you ask. learn and move on.
2. LEARNING THROUGH CURIOSITY - i commit to growing and self-awareness. i commit to regarding every interaction as an opportunity to learn. i commit to curiosity as a path to rapid learning. four predictors of sustained success: self-awareness, learning agility, communication and influence. first two are internal, last two are external. drift shift model: presence - people usually are for about 4 seconds, then “something” interrupts the attention then we begin to drift. drifting can look in many different ways, blaming, worrying, intellectualize, rushing, facebooking, rushing, care-taking, sarcastic, getting tired, correcting, getting confused, explaining, comparing, getting shy, seeking approval, dismissing, procrastinating, getting enlightened, organizing, smiling, cleaning... how long do we stay in a drift before we shift? shifting is the master skill of all conscious leaders. am i willing to shift? before we shift, we need to have conscious breathing (4 second inhale & exhale) + change your body posture. then shift move of wonder, a child like “wonder”, open-ended curiosity is not knowing or caring if there is an answer to your question. 3 buckets: what you know, what you know you don’t know and what you don’t know you don’t know.
April 12, 2017
Wow, a really wonderful book that defines leadership from an entirely different angle. I thought it would present things about this subject in a stereotypical way, but to my surprise this was entirely at a different level. This book also indirectly touches things at a spiritual level. The difference between the commitment levels for each of the 15 commitments are effectively communicated throughout the book. Following/Practising these commitments are not at all easy, but one can see why it is extremely important to abide by these rules especially for leaders and organizations at top positions and also for budding leaders. Overall, I was extremely satisfied with this book and I highly recommend it!
November 24, 2015
This will likely become one of the seminal books on leadership in my library. The authors dissect many of the aspects of authentic leadership that I already believe and practice, providing helpful distinctions and mnemonics, but also practical applications for desired results, which is too often left to theory in leadership books. I look forward to expanding these Commitments into my own personal living and professional practice.
The one downside worth mentioning is the authors' tendency toward "new age" language, which nearly kept me from reading past the introduction and first chapter or two. I remained open to what I might learn, kept reading, and am delighted that I stayed with my commitment long enough to at least understand the commitment behind the authors' choice of words. This reminds of the old saying, "If you meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him." Well, I would say, don't kill him, but learn all you can from him and keep moving, learning and growing toward a greater truth.
The one downside worth mentioning is the authors' tendency toward "new age" language, which nearly kept me from reading past the introduction and first chapter or two. I remained open to what I might learn, kept reading, and am delighted that I stayed with my commitment long enough to at least understand the commitment behind the authors' choice of words. This reminds of the old saying, "If you meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him." Well, I would say, don't kill him, but learn all you can from him and keep moving, learning and growing toward a greater truth.
October 19, 2016
A "self-help" book that will absolutely transform your life, whether you're a "leader" by standard definition or not--and this is coming from a strong skeptic with a dislike for self-help and life improvement fads. Everything in here is just solid advice for shifting your perspective and expectations for a more contented, compassionate, and mindful life experience.
I normally skim this sort of book to get the main points, but for this one reading it word for word is what gave it its impact. I definitely recommend a close read.
...if you're a copyeditor at heart, though, steel yourself for some typos and strange word choices
I normally skim this sort of book to get the main points, but for this one reading it word for word is what gave it its impact. I definitely recommend a close read.
...if you're a copyeditor at heart, though, steel yourself for some typos and strange word choices
November 21, 2021
کتابی که با یه بار خوندنش به عمقش نمی رسی عالیه لعنتی عالی .
خیلی چیزا هست که می خونی و فقط علمت رو زیاد میکنند ولی بعضی چیزا هست که می خونی و نگاه و خودت رو عوض می تونن بکنن و این خودش هست . اصل جنس
خیلی چیزا هست که می خونی و فقط علمت رو زیاد میکنند ولی بعضی چیزا هست که می خونی و نگاه و خودت رو عوض می تونن بکنن و این خودش هست . اصل جنس
April 27, 2020
A true waste. Anyone with healthy skepticism and backed with intelligence and reason is going to be very disappointed reading this "how-to" book. If you took an intro college-level philosophy or comparative religion class, you'd recognize this as just a mix of traditional Taoism and Stoicism philosophy trying unsuccessfully to be applied as a guide for the enlightened business leader. However, its authentic and only useful application in the workplace is a handy guide and convenient way to dismiss likely legitimate HR complaints at the office. After reading this book, all disagreements are categorized as someone "below-the-line and patterning the victim/accuser/hero," et al. New age wordiness that means "having a bad day," and so nothing changes. Lazy office managers who rely on paid "Leadership coaching" and using this book as a conflict resolution guide are likely to be deflective and hide from direct response responsibilities. Its only value is to teach how to argue against everything without attempting to understand anything. Many other books will offer better insights with reality-based resolution success. Save your money.
April 16, 2019
I'm working through the concepts in this book with a leadership coach - so my experience of the book is massively shaped by that. A few of the concepts can sound quite wanky at first glance and I think they might continue to sound wanky to some.
Good companion books:
- Leadership and Self Deception
- Anatomy of Peace
- The Courage to be Disliked
Good companion books:
- Leadership and Self Deception
- Anatomy of Peace
- The Courage to be Disliked
January 4, 2022
This will be our leadership team book of the year
August 16, 2023
Most leadership books are just a bunch of recycled ideas that don't resonate over time and are primarily focused on technique. Not this one. This is one of my favorite, go-to leadership book over and over again. I have this on my shelf near my desk for regular reference, but also have the audio book to listen to on my commute. The principles here are timeless and are about the emotional process of leadership.
I have engaged with Conscious Leadership Group on a number of their services and continue to find value in the 15 commitments. Highly recommend this to all leaders - of your family, group, or company.
I have engaged with Conscious Leadership Group on a number of their services and continue to find value in the 15 commitments. Highly recommend this to all leaders - of your family, group, or company.
October 31, 2023
Приятная, хоть и коучская, надерганная из других книжек книга про лидерство,
October 7, 2020
Reading a bunch of leadership books whilst work is slow.
This one is crazy good and reflects a ton of stuff I tried in the mid 2010s.
It begins with some stories of showing the normal below the line leadership of needing to be right, being closed to new things and then it instantly goes into discussing blame.
who did this? they need to take the fall. Which is discussed comes from toxic fear right?
How much of our working lives is influenced by toxic fear. of our bosses or the culture around hitting targets. Which closes us off from fun, and new things.
The leadership described in this book is about being comfortable with who we are. Being able to learn, and grow, and be honest, and be in touch with what our insides are doing, being good at what we are good at and supercharging that in ourselves as well as others. Being curious. and seeing the opposite side.
They have so many different exercises that I want to do including a simple write down what you think and turn it around. "B hates me" into "B loves me" and looking at what would change, if it could be true. what evidence we can find to back up the opposite of what we think.
what currently has our attention and why.
The conscious leader is able to lead in more areas than just the simple target. and if the target isn't hit, they can learn and improve.
Good book.
did take notes :D
This one is crazy good and reflects a ton of stuff I tried in the mid 2010s.
It begins with some stories of showing the normal below the line leadership of needing to be right, being closed to new things and then it instantly goes into discussing blame.
who did this? they need to take the fall. Which is discussed comes from toxic fear right?
How much of our working lives is influenced by toxic fear. of our bosses or the culture around hitting targets. Which closes us off from fun, and new things.
The leadership described in this book is about being comfortable with who we are. Being able to learn, and grow, and be honest, and be in touch with what our insides are doing, being good at what we are good at and supercharging that in ourselves as well as others. Being curious. and seeing the opposite side.
They have so many different exercises that I want to do including a simple write down what you think and turn it around. "B hates me" into "B loves me" and looking at what would change, if it could be true. what evidence we can find to back up the opposite of what we think.
what currently has our attention and why.
The conscious leader is able to lead in more areas than just the simple target. and if the target isn't hit, they can learn and improve.
Good book.
did take notes :D
May 3, 2018
It is a book that touches many different aspects of the human being.
What is leadership and what differentiate leaders from others. What it takes to give the extra percent that makes us unique, valuable and feel satisfy by our actions. To take fulk responsibility for our actions and to don't adopt a victim role that clouds our purpose.
It also guides you through, how to feel our feelings to identify patterns in our behaviors and the way we react to the world.
Furthermore, another big learning was the art of releasing, what is not helping us move forward. To speak candidly and staying truth to your reality and beliefs but also accepting the reality of others.
I cannot express in a sole page how this book have contributed in my life, it have revolutionized the way I think, act and perform every day. It has reinforced me to be a more loving, caring and accepting person.
It is the beginning of a beautiful journey. A revelation of how to become a better human being, and to influence others in a personal, professional and spiritual environment.
It is the type of book you read over many times, and get something new from it.
What is leadership and what differentiate leaders from others. What it takes to give the extra percent that makes us unique, valuable and feel satisfy by our actions. To take fulk responsibility for our actions and to don't adopt a victim role that clouds our purpose.
It also guides you through, how to feel our feelings to identify patterns in our behaviors and the way we react to the world.
Furthermore, another big learning was the art of releasing, what is not helping us move forward. To speak candidly and staying truth to your reality and beliefs but also accepting the reality of others.
I cannot express in a sole page how this book have contributed in my life, it have revolutionized the way I think, act and perform every day. It has reinforced me to be a more loving, caring and accepting person.
It is the beginning of a beautiful journey. A revelation of how to become a better human being, and to influence others in a personal, professional and spiritual environment.
It is the type of book you read over many times, and get something new from it.
July 14, 2022
The only “business book” you need to read IMO (and trust me, I’ve read them all!).
The way this group merges doing with being, heart with head, material with the spiritual — ultimately the masculine with the feminine… this holistic, whole-person perspective is what has been missing from corporate America. It’s what anyone who signs up for a 9-5 is secretly longing for (wholeness, acceptance, and growth), even if they never put words to it.
I’m hopeful that this book represents a shift in the mentality that has been dominating the working world for far too long. Let it be a siren song for everyone who has the sense that change is not only possible but it’s afoot and wants to be a part of it. Get in!
The way this group merges doing with being, heart with head, material with the spiritual — ultimately the masculine with the feminine… this holistic, whole-person perspective is what has been missing from corporate America. It’s what anyone who signs up for a 9-5 is secretly longing for (wholeness, acceptance, and growth), even if they never put words to it.
I’m hopeful that this book represents a shift in the mentality that has been dominating the working world for far too long. Let it be a siren song for everyone who has the sense that change is not only possible but it’s afoot and wants to be a part of it. Get in!
December 17, 2018
This was a great book! This book gives a lot of practical ways to consciously live above the line, in a place of being open, curious and open to learning. And while the authors acknowledge that being human we will all at times fall below the line (into a place of being closed, defensive and committed to "being right"), they give a lot of practical ways to get yourself back above the line.
I highlighted a lot of references and ideas in this book, and this is a book I will continue to reference and re-read and study! I highly recommend this!
I highlighted a lot of references and ideas in this book, and this is a book I will continue to reference and re-read and study! I highly recommend this!
March 5, 2023
I am glad that I picked this as my first book on the path toward leadership. All 15 commitments are deeply researched and analyzed and tested as part of the corporate training that the author's team provides to corporate executives. Personally, I am planning to use this book as a guiding compass and will be coming back to each commitment when I think I am confused or need a direction and re-alignment in the journey of leadership.
April 27, 2019
This book has had a deep impact on my life and relationships. It is easy to read and comprehend and presents very practical tools for making big lofe-changes! It's a book I will be referring back to for years to come! Check out the free downloads and other related resources at concious.is!
March 27, 2023
I don’t agree with everything in this book, but there are some really fantastic ideas for leadership. We are applying some of the principles in our leadership of our family. Probably one of my favorite leadership books.
May 23, 2023
This book is not only for founders, ceos, managers,... It's about taking ownership, responsibility and leadership in/for your own life. A fantastic read, highly recommended.
July 22, 2022
لن ترى القيادة بنفس الطريقة مرة أخرى بعد قراءة هذا الكتاب. هذه الالتزامات الخمسة عشر هي خلاصة لعقود من العمل مع الرؤساء التنفيذيين والقادة الآخرين. إنهم راديكاليون أو استفزازيون للكثيرين. لقد غيروا قواعد اللعبة بالنسبة لنا ولعملائنا. نحن على ثقة من أنها ستكون لك أيضا. تجربتنا هي أن القيادة اللاواعية ليست مستدامة. لن يعمل من أجلك أو لفريقك أو مؤسستك على المدى الطويل. يمكن للقيادة اللاواعية تحقيق نتائج قصيرة الأجل، ولكن تكاليف المعيشة والقيادة دون وعي كبيرة. الخوف يدفع معظم القادة إلى اتخاذ خيارات تتعارض مع العلاقات الصحية والحيوية والتوازن. يترك هذا الخوف بقايا سامة لن يمكن تحملها بسهولة في بيئة أعمال متزايدة التعقيد. تقدم القيادة الواعية ترياق الخوف. تحتوي هذه الصفحات على خريطة طريق شاملة لإرشادك للتحول من القيادة القائمة على الخوف إلى القيادة القائمة على الثقة. بمجرد أن تتعلم وتبدأ في ممارسة القيادة الواعية، ستحصل على نتائج في شكل المزيد من الطاقة والوضوح والتركيز والعلاقات الصحية. ستفعل المزيد والمزيد مما أنت متحمس له، وأقل مما تفعله بدافع الالتزام. سيكون لديك المزيد من المرح، وتكون أكثر سعادة، وتختبر دراما أقل وتكون أكثر عن قصد. سيحصل فريقك على نتائج أيضا. سيكونون أكثر تعاونا وإبداعا وحيوية ومشاركة. سيحلون المشكلات بشكل أسرع، وبمجرد حلها لن يظهروا مرة أخرى. ستختفي الدراما والقيل والقال، وسيتم إعادة توجيه الطاقة والموارد التي غذتها نحو الابتكار والإبداع. أي من هذه الالتزامات سيغير حياتك. كلهم معا ثوريون. القادة الذين يمارسون الالتزامات الخمسة عشر: · إنهاء اللوم والنقد · تحدث بصراحة وانفتاح وأمانة، بطريقة تدعو الآخرين إلى أن يفعلوا الشيء نفسه · ابحث عن عبقريتهم الفريدة · اترك كل شيء - وخاصة أنفسهم ومشاكلهم - على محمل الجد · اخلق فوزا لجميع الحلول · اختبر علاقة جديدة بالوقت والمال حيث يوجد دائما ما يكفي ماذا تحتاج إلى إحضاره إلى الطاولة؟ كن فضوليا. يبدو بسيطا جدا، ومع ذلك في تجربتنا إنها مهارة لم يتقنها سوى القليل. معظمنا مهتم بأن نكون على حق وإثبات ذلك، أكثر من اهتمامنا بالتعلم والنمو والتحول من أنماطنا القديمة. بشكل افتراضي، ننجذب نحو المألوف. نطلب منك اغتنام الفرصة واستكشاف ما هو غير مألوف. سوف تشعر بالخوف والتفاعل. كلنا نفعل ذلك. إذن ماذا؟ فقط ابق فضوليا ودعنا نقدم لك عالما جديدا تماما من القيادة.
March 11, 2024
I can’t say I regret reading this book. I also can’t say I was deeply moved or even impressed by it. It felt like a work made out of a list of good ideas taken from other philosophies, but without acknowledging those other contributing works or adding anything tangibly new to the conversation. It lacked a clear research/bibliographical connection to the other theories upon which it sought to build. It was barren of detailed connection of theory and practice. And, it failed to deliver engaging narratives/examples to show the common-sense lessons in a new or enlightening way. While their “above the line/below the line” illustration appears applicable, it comes off as a cheap consulting gimmick used in corporate seminars that leave employees and leaders thinking, “how much money is management paying these guys, and couldn’t they have just put it in our annual bonus or bought a popcorn machine for the office instead?”
The 15 commitments read like fortune cookie wisdom, Buzzword Bingo, or the word bank of a Consulting Word Search - with such hard-hitting ones as: Responsibility, Curiosity, Feelings, Candor, Gossip, Integrity, Appreciation, Genius, Play & Rest, Opposite of my Story, Approval, Enough, Allies, Win for All, and Being the Resolution. Yes, that’s 15. I didn’t really give you “such as,” but rather the whole list.
Criticism aside, there were a few tangible ideas that struck a chord, causing me to sit with them and ponder.
If you’re interested in learning more, I recommend you either a. Use Audible to buy the audiobook, allowing you to return it immediately following 18 holes of golf where you listen to it on 2x speed or b. Just go to their website first to see if there is any substantive information that, like a good newspaper article lede, leaves you wanting more.
https://conscious.is/15-commitments
The 15 commitments read like fortune cookie wisdom, Buzzword Bingo, or the word bank of a Consulting Word Search - with such hard-hitting ones as: Responsibility, Curiosity, Feelings, Candor, Gossip, Integrity, Appreciation, Genius, Play & Rest, Opposite of my Story, Approval, Enough, Allies, Win for All, and Being the Resolution. Yes, that’s 15. I didn’t really give you “such as,” but rather the whole list.
Criticism aside, there were a few tangible ideas that struck a chord, causing me to sit with them and ponder.
If you’re interested in learning more, I recommend you either a. Use Audible to buy the audiobook, allowing you to return it immediately following 18 holes of golf where you listen to it on 2x speed or b. Just go to their website first to see if there is any substantive information that, like a good newspaper article lede, leaves you wanting more.
https://conscious.is/15-commitments
October 10, 2023
This book was assigned reading at work. Like most self help books it is full of corny and hokey language. At the same time it does offer up gems of wisdom. Specifically, this one offers a very important perspective on social interactions for everyone; the 3rd person. The essential passages of this book return again and again to the same idea. That the stories we tell ourselves get in the way of truly being in the moment and understanding others and ourselves.
I really appreciate the most how the authors repeatedly call out the toxic parts of the modern work place. Particularly, in how they single out the high energy workaholic approach and how it erodes long term sustainable productivity in favor of quick wins. The authors breakdown the behavioral patterns of leaders who operate like this. They try to avoid value judgements on these leaders and instead use these examples to contrast against better approaches to leadership.
The tools this book offers up are great ways to reset in the moment, clear away the stories in your head, and get to the root of what may be standing in the way of your relationships and success. They remind me a lot of the techniques of Radical Candor. That said this book could have been a long form article like most self help books. Do yourself a favor and buy the audiobook version and listen to it at 2x speed.
I really appreciate the most how the authors repeatedly call out the toxic parts of the modern work place. Particularly, in how they single out the high energy workaholic approach and how it erodes long term sustainable productivity in favor of quick wins. The authors breakdown the behavioral patterns of leaders who operate like this. They try to avoid value judgements on these leaders and instead use these examples to contrast against better approaches to leadership.
The tools this book offers up are great ways to reset in the moment, clear away the stories in your head, and get to the root of what may be standing in the way of your relationships and success. They remind me a lot of the techniques of Radical Candor. That said this book could have been a long form article like most self help books. Do yourself a favor and buy the audiobook version and listen to it at 2x speed.
April 9, 2023
Look, the book is great, wonderful principles that really need to at the very least be identified within each person who works, has relationships, is part of a community, etcetera. You should read this book. Certainly.
But don't make it your gospel for leadership. Silly accept what it offers, which is a ying and yang approach to common leadership issues. The most important principle it seems to pack is the idea of
"to me" and "by me" leadership. I won't say this as well as they do, but the "to me" perspective is personified by feelings of being the victim of your surroundings, being the villain, or being the hero - in essence, making everything about what is happening to you. The book spends its entirety convincing you that you have the opportunity to adopt a "by me" approach to all this issues, to function consciously (by me) instead of unconsciously.
And again, I think it's great. These are really neat insights into the psychology of how our internal wiring (to protect ourselves, to fight a potential problem) can frame all aspects of our existence in ways that leave us feeling powerless or powerful. The book presents a convincing case that we can choose to take the power in a situation, and wield it for good.
But don't make it your gospel for leadership. Silly accept what it offers, which is a ying and yang approach to common leadership issues. The most important principle it seems to pack is the idea of
"to me" and "by me" leadership. I won't say this as well as they do, but the "to me" perspective is personified by feelings of being the victim of your surroundings, being the villain, or being the hero - in essence, making everything about what is happening to you. The book spends its entirety convincing you that you have the opportunity to adopt a "by me" approach to all this issues, to function consciously (by me) instead of unconsciously.
And again, I think it's great. These are really neat insights into the psychology of how our internal wiring (to protect ourselves, to fight a potential problem) can frame all aspects of our existence in ways that leave us feeling powerless or powerful. The book presents a convincing case that we can choose to take the power in a situation, and wield it for good.
March 23, 2023
در کل مطالعهاش خالی از لطف نیست.
بر خلاف ادعای کتاب رویکرد مطرح شده خیلی جدید و بدیع نیست. تقریبا تجمیعی از روشهای مختلف خودیاری و تیمسازی و مدیریت هست، که اگر در این حوزهها مطالعه داشته باشید تکراری خواهند بود. ابتکار کتاب همین تجمیع کردن روشهاست.
در مطالعه کتابهای خودیاری و مدیریت حتما باید به بستر توجه بشه. بستر خاورمیانه خیلی نزدیک با ایدههای مطرح شده در کتاب نیست. مثلا عملی شدن پیمان شفافیت در روابط، در خاورمیانه انقدرها که در کتاب مطرح شده راحت نیست. یکی دیگه از اشکالات این نوع از کتابها نپرداختن به ایدهها به اندازه کافیه. برخی از پیمانها نیاز به چند صد صفحه توضیح و تمرین دارن تا جا بیوفتن.
این کتاب در مجموع میتونه شما رو با ایدهها آشنا کنه ولی جا افتادن ایدهها نیاز به مطالعه بیشتر داره.
احساس میکنم این کتاب کلا برای مطالعه خودخوان نوشته نشده و شبیه به جزوه برای دورهای هست.
یادگیری سطحی از طریق اینجور کتابها باعث میشه خیلی پیشنهاد نکنم مطالعه کتاب رو.
پیشنهاد میکنم در زمینههای مختلف به دنبال منابع دست اول باشید.
بر خلاف ادعای کتاب رویکرد مطرح شده خیلی جدید و بدیع نیست. تقریبا تجمیعی از روشهای مختلف خودیاری و تیمسازی و مدیریت هست، که اگر در این حوزهها مطالعه داشته باشید تکراری خواهند بود. ابتکار کتاب همین تجمیع کردن روشهاست.
در مطالعه کتابهای خودیاری و مدیریت حتما باید به بستر توجه بشه. بستر خاورمیانه خیلی نزدیک با ایدههای مطرح شده در کتاب نیست. مثلا عملی شدن پیمان شفافیت در روابط، در خاورمیانه انقدرها که در کتاب مطرح شده راحت نیست. یکی دیگه از اشکالات این نوع از کتابها نپرداختن به ایدهها به اندازه کافیه. برخی از پیمانها نیاز به چند صد صفحه توضیح و تمرین دارن تا جا بیوفتن.
این کتاب در مجموع میتونه شما رو با ایدهها آشنا کنه ولی جا افتادن ایدهها نیاز به مطالعه بیشتر داره.
احساس میکنم این کتاب کلا برای مطالعه خودخوان نوشته نشده و شبیه به جزوه برای دورهای هست.
یادگیری سطحی از طریق اینجور کتابها باعث میشه خیلی پیشنهاد نکنم مطالعه کتاب رو.
پیشنهاد میکنم در زمینههای مختلف به دنبال منابع دست اول باشید.
October 22, 2019
Listened to the Audiobook version of this book, after listening to Jim Dethmer @ Knowledge project podcast with Shane Parrish. I felt, this book had some really great insights and ideas about leading and most importantly living consciously. In my opinion, the radical changes that were discussed in this book would need to be combined with some kind of conscious living practices like meditation or similar.. the reason I say this is even though one might intellectually understand and appreciate the concepts and its practical benefits, it would be hard to make these changes in real life without any mindfulness practice, even if you don’t want to label that way.
February 5, 2022
An easy-read on 15 core principles for conscious leadership of others or of self. Loaded with explanations and practical excercises, it’s a good companion towards a more holistic, sound and constructive way of living and leading. Per se, many of the principles rest on ideas from other thinkers/writers, not least Gay Hendricks. Whom the authors have studied with. Still, the compilation of these principles into a concept of conscious, full body leadership is well worth diving in to.
January 5, 2024
I would highly recommend this book for leaders as it speaks plainly and simply on how to be a better leader. The author speaks to many practical action items that can be easily executed. However as you read through examples, you realize that execution of simple action items is more complex. I think the best impact of this book was to make me self aware of how I’m leading and that we are not perfect but awareness is the first step.
May 9, 2022
3 stars. An impactful, and deceptively simple, mental model for better leadership. Knocked off a few stars for poor packaging and a bit too much chakra energy flow content.
Background
- This is the group that invented the “Above the Line Below/ the Line” leadership prompt. You can get 90% of the value by watching this strong video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLqzY...
- Their goal is to deliver a unifying theory for (a) conflict in the workplace and (b) why so many successful corporate professionals are burned out, unhappy, lacking meaning.
- Along the way they nod a bit to “abundance mindsets”, and “infinite vs finite games”. Motivating teams not from fear/scarcity but from creativity/energy.
The Line Theory
- Everyone is, at any given time, above or below the line. Most of us spend 95% of our time below, it is our natural and gravitational state.
- ABOVE: Open curious committed to learning
- BELOW:Closed defensive committed to being right
Example: Tim is below the line
On the train and in the game, Tim responds to emails and makes quick, determined calls. His juices are flowing—this is what he loves. Sure, the scorecard is fortune and fame, freedom and opportunity, but the game itself is all that matters. It’s about being on the edge, constantly being challenged and challenging others. He feels alive. Unfortunately, Tim, and many leaders like him, can’t tell the difference between being “fully alive” and feeling a mixture of adrenaline, caffeine, sugar, pressure, compulsivity, addiction, and competition, all driven by deeply repressed fear and insecurity. This shows up in many ways in Tim’s life, perhaps most significantly in his inability to be by himself in silence.
Example: Sharon is above the line
- intentional morning, slow, offline.
- exercise every day
- checks her breath, tension to gauge her mood in meetings
- shuts down the little scared voice in head with curiosity and gratitude
- insists on work being playful and creative
- ensures she has fully present time with her kids and family
What triggers Below the line?
- “In a threatened state the brain fires off a chemical cocktail designed to support us in fighting, fleeing, freezing, or fainting. Put another way, when we perceive a threat to our sense of well-being, we go below the line. We don’t choose this at a conscious level. We just do it.”
- “Blame, shame, and guilt all come from the same source: fear. When things don’t go the way we think they should (whether it be spilled milk or missing our quarterly numbers), the natural human reaction is to become anxious. Once fear kicks in, a common defense mechanism is to blame someone, something, or ourselves so we can keep our sense of identity and ego intact.”
- Seeing yourself as the victim, things are happening “to you”. “Whether I see the cause as another person, circumstance, or condition, I believe I’m being acted upon by external forces.”
- “They believe that these external realities are responsible for their unhappiness (if only my spouse weren’t mean, I’d be happy); for their failures (if only my sales team would work harder, our top line would go up); and for their insecurities (if my board gave me a larger share of the company, I’d be secure).”
How to get Above the line?
- Move from “to me” thinking to “by me” thinking where you see everything as an opportunity to learn. Life is a game. Classic stoicism.
- By developing self-awareness to locate yourself below the line, you create the possibility to shift back above. “Shifting is moving from closed to open, from defensive to curious, from wanting to be right to wanting to learn, and from fighting for the survival of the individual ego to leading from a place of security and trust.”
- “There are two kinds of shift moves: those that change our blood and body chemistry (such as conscious breathing and changing our posture) and those that change our consciousness (such as speaking unarguably and appreciation).”
- “Most emotions—sensations occurring in and on the body—move through the body in a minute and a half or less if we match our expression with our experience. If you repress or recycle emotion, it can harden into a mood: Anger becomes bitterness. Fear becomes anxiety. Sadness becomes apathy. And these moods can last for years.”
Challenges I saw
- I liked this thesis a lot, but I worry it is still far easier to “cosplay” emotional maturity than to live it. I would have liked a chapter on how to identity false progress, how to check yourself for sanctimony and belief of being above the line.
- The back half of the book got too into “energy flows” and “sexual energies in the workplace” for me.
Background
- This is the group that invented the “Above the Line Below/ the Line” leadership prompt. You can get 90% of the value by watching this strong video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLqzY...
- Their goal is to deliver a unifying theory for (a) conflict in the workplace and (b) why so many successful corporate professionals are burned out, unhappy, lacking meaning.
- Along the way they nod a bit to “abundance mindsets”, and “infinite vs finite games”. Motivating teams not from fear/scarcity but from creativity/energy.
The Line Theory
- Everyone is, at any given time, above or below the line. Most of us spend 95% of our time below, it is our natural and gravitational state.
- ABOVE: Open curious committed to learning
- BELOW:Closed defensive committed to being right
Example: Tim is below the line
On the train and in the game, Tim responds to emails and makes quick, determined calls. His juices are flowing—this is what he loves. Sure, the scorecard is fortune and fame, freedom and opportunity, but the game itself is all that matters. It’s about being on the edge, constantly being challenged and challenging others. He feels alive. Unfortunately, Tim, and many leaders like him, can’t tell the difference between being “fully alive” and feeling a mixture of adrenaline, caffeine, sugar, pressure, compulsivity, addiction, and competition, all driven by deeply repressed fear and insecurity. This shows up in many ways in Tim’s life, perhaps most significantly in his inability to be by himself in silence.
Example: Sharon is above the line
- intentional morning, slow, offline.
- exercise every day
- checks her breath, tension to gauge her mood in meetings
- shuts down the little scared voice in head with curiosity and gratitude
- insists on work being playful and creative
- ensures she has fully present time with her kids and family
What triggers Below the line?
- “In a threatened state the brain fires off a chemical cocktail designed to support us in fighting, fleeing, freezing, or fainting. Put another way, when we perceive a threat to our sense of well-being, we go below the line. We don’t choose this at a conscious level. We just do it.”
- “Blame, shame, and guilt all come from the same source: fear. When things don’t go the way we think they should (whether it be spilled milk or missing our quarterly numbers), the natural human reaction is to become anxious. Once fear kicks in, a common defense mechanism is to blame someone, something, or ourselves so we can keep our sense of identity and ego intact.”
- Seeing yourself as the victim, things are happening “to you”. “Whether I see the cause as another person, circumstance, or condition, I believe I’m being acted upon by external forces.”
- “They believe that these external realities are responsible for their unhappiness (if only my spouse weren’t mean, I’d be happy); for their failures (if only my sales team would work harder, our top line would go up); and for their insecurities (if my board gave me a larger share of the company, I’d be secure).”
How to get Above the line?
- Move from “to me” thinking to “by me” thinking where you see everything as an opportunity to learn. Life is a game. Classic stoicism.
- By developing self-awareness to locate yourself below the line, you create the possibility to shift back above. “Shifting is moving from closed to open, from defensive to curious, from wanting to be right to wanting to learn, and from fighting for the survival of the individual ego to leading from a place of security and trust.”
- “There are two kinds of shift moves: those that change our blood and body chemistry (such as conscious breathing and changing our posture) and those that change our consciousness (such as speaking unarguably and appreciation).”
- “Most emotions—sensations occurring in and on the body—move through the body in a minute and a half or less if we match our expression with our experience. If you repress or recycle emotion, it can harden into a mood: Anger becomes bitterness. Fear becomes anxiety. Sadness becomes apathy. And these moods can last for years.”
Challenges I saw
- I liked this thesis a lot, but I worry it is still far easier to “cosplay” emotional maturity than to live it. I would have liked a chapter on how to identity false progress, how to check yourself for sanctimony and belief of being above the line.
- The back half of the book got too into “energy flows” and “sexual energies in the workplace” for me.
December 30, 2023
There are some good insights in this book, mixed with a fair bit of filler around consciousness, mindfulness, and pseudo-buddhist new age fluff. The book also occasionally contradicts itself: e.g., you should take 100% responsibility for everything; but don't blame yourself when things go wrong, as that's toxic; you should put yourself at the center of things so you can change them; but you should also accept the world as it is.
That said, there are some gems here, which I've tried to capture in my notes:
Above or below the line
Above the line: open, curious, committed to learning.
Below the line: closed, defensive, committed to being right.
This book introduces 15 commitments to help you be an "above the line" (conscious) leader rather than a "below the line" unconscious leader. I captured a few of these commitments later in this review.
Commitments = results
"Commitment is a statement of what is. From our perspective, you can know your commitments by your results, not by what you say your commitments are. We are all committed. We all produce results. Conscious leaders own their commitments by owning their results."
Commitment #1: taking radical responsibility
Above the line: "I commit to taking full responsibility for the circumstances of my life and for my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. I commit to supporting others to take full responsibility for their lives."
Below the line: "I commit to blaming others and myself for what is wrong in the world. I commit to being a victim, villain, or a hero and taking more or less than 100% responsibility."
Commitment #3: feeling all feelings
Repressing one emotion will often influence all other emotions. It's hard to block out anger, but still feel joy; it's hard to limit sadness, but still have sexual feelings. So when you repress an emotion, you may end up with physical, psychological, and relational problems.
The solution is to allow yourself to feel and release all your emotions. The book has a nice guide to how to properly do this (without getting stuck in a cognitive/emotive loop where you just endlessly dwell on the same emotion):
1. Locate the sensation in your body. Find where you're feeling the emotion in your body and describe it to yourself as accurately as possible.
2. Breathe. Take a few gentle breaths.
3. Allow, accept, or appreciate the sensation. Allowing the emotion is sufficient, but if you can go beyond that, try to accept and even appreciate the emotion.
4. Match your experience with your expression. The goal isn't just to vent to a coworker (which may get you stuck in that cognitive/emotive loop). The goal is to find an appropriate way to express the emotion, typically not with words, but sounds and movements. Ask, "if this sensation could make a sound or move, what would it sound and move like?" And then move and sound like that! When you match your expression to the emotion, you can finally release it. This might be a groan or a laugh or jumping up or down.
Emotions last at most 90 seconds—if you release them as explained above. If you instead repress or recycle the emotion, it can harden into a mood that lasts much longer.
Commitment #4: speaking candidly
Speaking candidly is a combination of 3 things:
1. Truthfulness: what I say represents my reality accurately.
2. Openness: I say everything I need to say.
3. Awareness: I see as much as there is to see.
Speak unarguably
A useful tip on speaking candidly is to speak unarguably: phrasing things in a way that is true for you, and therefore, unarguable.
Here are three forms of unarguable communication:
1. I'm having the thought that...
2. I feel [sad, scared, angry, joyful, etc]
3. I'm noticing a sensation of [pinching in my shoulder blades, swirling in my belly, etc]
Compare:
"That candidate isn't skilled enough" <- highly arguable
"I'm having the though that the candidate isn't skilled enough" <- the fact that you had this thought is not arguable. You're just reporting it!
The clearing model
A model for clearing up issues and communicating effectively.
Person A:
1. Affirm a meaningful relationship: "Bob, you and I have worked great together for years, so I want to clear this issue up."
2. Establish a time to talk: "Is now a good time to chat?"
3. Lay out the facts: Present concrete facts, not judgments or opinions. "In 4 of the last 5 meetings, you showed up late..."
4. Share your judgement: "From these facts, I start to imagine that you don't care about this project..."
5. Share your feelings: "This makes me fairly sad, as..."
6. Share your part: "My part in this is that I didn't explain to you how important this work really is..."
7. Make a request: "The specific thing I'm looking for is..."
Person B:
1. Repeat back your understanding in your own words: "What I hear you saying is..."
2. Check if you understood: "Am I understanding you correctly?"
3. Check if there's more: "Is there more to this?"
Commitment #6: live in integrity
Living in integrity requires that you:
1. Take 100% responsibility
2. Speak authentically
3. Feel feelings through to completion
4. Make impeccable agreements
The first three are covered above. Impeccable agreements are the new thing here.
"Agreements can be small ("I'll pick up a gallon of milk") or large ("I won't have sexual relations with anyone else"), but there is no difference from the standpoint of agreement impeccability. Energetically, failing to keep a small agreement breaks the flow of life force just as much as failing to keep a large agreement. This is not to say that all broken agreements have the same level of consequence in the world or produce the same amount of healthy shame internally, but all broken agreements break the flow of energy. Tom Peters, leadership and management expert, was correct when he said, "There is no such thing as a small breach of integrity.""
Here's how to make impeccable agreements:
1. Make clear agreements. Clear agreements require three things: (a) you should be 100% clear on who will do what and by when, (b) you want a whole body YES to each agreement, not just a vague nod where the other person doesn't actually commit, and (c) you must track the agreements in writing.
2. Keep agreements. Do what you say what you'll do. Conscious leaders get done > 90% of their agreements, and the renegotiate or clean up the others, as per the next two points.
3. Renegotiate agreements. As soon as you realize you won't be able to keep an agreement, you need to renegotiate it with the stakeholders. This might mean changing when it gets done, or the scope of what gets done, or perhaps agreeing not to do it at all.
4. Clean up broken agreements. Very rarely, you may have an agreement that you can't keep and can't renegotiate. Here, you must proactively find the stakeholders, sincerely apologize, and see what you can do to make it up to them.
Commitment #7: generating appreciation
The four elements of masterful appreciation:
1. Sincerity. Appreciation must be real and true. If it's not sincere, it can do more harm than good.
2. Unarguable truth. Compare "That was a great report!" (arguable) with "The way you laid out the report made me feel like I had all the info I needed at my fingertips" (unarguable).
3. Specificity. Vague appreciation can be misinterpreted. Be specific and clear.
4. Succinct language. Don't ramble on for ours. A sentence or two that is sincere, unarguable, and specific is most effective.
Commitment #8: thrive in your zone of genius
For every type of work that you do, pause and ask yourself:
1. What sort of feedback and results do I get on this work?
2. Can other people at the company do this better than me?
3. How much do I enjoy doing this work?
Your zone of genius is the work where you consistently get very positive feedback and results, where you're the best person at that type of work in the company, and it's the kind of work you love that it doesn't feel like work at all. You should spend as much of your time in your zone of genius as you possibly can.
Commitment #11: sourcing approval, control, and security
"Humans have three core wants: approval, control, and security. All other "wants" stem from these basic desires, whether it's wanting success, a raise, fame, a new car, healthy children, a unified leadership team, greater profitability, or dependable coworkers. Wants come in both big and small packages, from wanting my office to be two degrees cooler right now to wanting to live a life of significance. The point of this chapter is that all wants, regardless of their size, are actually just three core wants showing up in a multitude of manifestations."
"Most leaders and most people believe and are deeply committed to the belief that what they want (approval, control and security) is "out there." Out-there-ness is the belief that my approval, control and security are dependent on someone or something other than myself. Put simply, I don't have it within me and something or someone needs to give it to me. Out-there-ness leads to "if-only-ness." If only my boss would appreciate me, then I would have the sense of approval I so desperately want.
If only I had an employment contract, I would have the security that I need. If only my child would obey me I would be in control. Unconscious leaders are in the trance of "out-there-ness" and "if-only-ness." They are driven by them.
One thing we highly recommend for leaders who desire to wake up out of this common trance is to identify how out-there-ness and if-only-ness are showing up in their life. This can be done by simply completing this sentence over and over:
"If only ________ would ________ I would have approval/control/security."
That said, there are some gems here, which I've tried to capture in my notes:
Above or below the line
Above the line: open, curious, committed to learning.
Below the line: closed, defensive, committed to being right.
This book introduces 15 commitments to help you be an "above the line" (conscious) leader rather than a "below the line" unconscious leader. I captured a few of these commitments later in this review.
Commitments = results
"Commitment is a statement of what is. From our perspective, you can know your commitments by your results, not by what you say your commitments are. We are all committed. We all produce results. Conscious leaders own their commitments by owning their results."
Commitment #1: taking radical responsibility
Above the line: "I commit to taking full responsibility for the circumstances of my life and for my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being. I commit to supporting others to take full responsibility for their lives."
Below the line: "I commit to blaming others and myself for what is wrong in the world. I commit to being a victim, villain, or a hero and taking more or less than 100% responsibility."
Commitment #3: feeling all feelings
Repressing one emotion will often influence all other emotions. It's hard to block out anger, but still feel joy; it's hard to limit sadness, but still have sexual feelings. So when you repress an emotion, you may end up with physical, psychological, and relational problems.
The solution is to allow yourself to feel and release all your emotions. The book has a nice guide to how to properly do this (without getting stuck in a cognitive/emotive loop where you just endlessly dwell on the same emotion):
1. Locate the sensation in your body. Find where you're feeling the emotion in your body and describe it to yourself as accurately as possible.
2. Breathe. Take a few gentle breaths.
3. Allow, accept, or appreciate the sensation. Allowing the emotion is sufficient, but if you can go beyond that, try to accept and even appreciate the emotion.
4. Match your experience with your expression. The goal isn't just to vent to a coworker (which may get you stuck in that cognitive/emotive loop). The goal is to find an appropriate way to express the emotion, typically not with words, but sounds and movements. Ask, "if this sensation could make a sound or move, what would it sound and move like?" And then move and sound like that! When you match your expression to the emotion, you can finally release it. This might be a groan or a laugh or jumping up or down.
Emotions last at most 90 seconds—if you release them as explained above. If you instead repress or recycle the emotion, it can harden into a mood that lasts much longer.
Commitment #4: speaking candidly
Speaking candidly is a combination of 3 things:
1. Truthfulness: what I say represents my reality accurately.
2. Openness: I say everything I need to say.
3. Awareness: I see as much as there is to see.
Speak unarguably
A useful tip on speaking candidly is to speak unarguably: phrasing things in a way that is true for you, and therefore, unarguable.
Here are three forms of unarguable communication:
1. I'm having the thought that...
2. I feel [sad, scared, angry, joyful, etc]
3. I'm noticing a sensation of [pinching in my shoulder blades, swirling in my belly, etc]
Compare:
"That candidate isn't skilled enough" <- highly arguable
"I'm having the though that the candidate isn't skilled enough" <- the fact that you had this thought is not arguable. You're just reporting it!
The clearing model
A model for clearing up issues and communicating effectively.
Person A:
1. Affirm a meaningful relationship: "Bob, you and I have worked great together for years, so I want to clear this issue up."
2. Establish a time to talk: "Is now a good time to chat?"
3. Lay out the facts: Present concrete facts, not judgments or opinions. "In 4 of the last 5 meetings, you showed up late..."
4. Share your judgement: "From these facts, I start to imagine that you don't care about this project..."
5. Share your feelings: "This makes me fairly sad, as..."
6. Share your part: "My part in this is that I didn't explain to you how important this work really is..."
7. Make a request: "The specific thing I'm looking for is..."
Person B:
1. Repeat back your understanding in your own words: "What I hear you saying is..."
2. Check if you understood: "Am I understanding you correctly?"
3. Check if there's more: "Is there more to this?"
Commitment #6: live in integrity
Living in integrity requires that you:
1. Take 100% responsibility
2. Speak authentically
3. Feel feelings through to completion
4. Make impeccable agreements
The first three are covered above. Impeccable agreements are the new thing here.
"Agreements can be small ("I'll pick up a gallon of milk") or large ("I won't have sexual relations with anyone else"), but there is no difference from the standpoint of agreement impeccability. Energetically, failing to keep a small agreement breaks the flow of life force just as much as failing to keep a large agreement. This is not to say that all broken agreements have the same level of consequence in the world or produce the same amount of healthy shame internally, but all broken agreements break the flow of energy. Tom Peters, leadership and management expert, was correct when he said, "There is no such thing as a small breach of integrity.""
Here's how to make impeccable agreements:
1. Make clear agreements. Clear agreements require three things: (a) you should be 100% clear on who will do what and by when, (b) you want a whole body YES to each agreement, not just a vague nod where the other person doesn't actually commit, and (c) you must track the agreements in writing.
2. Keep agreements. Do what you say what you'll do. Conscious leaders get done > 90% of their agreements, and the renegotiate or clean up the others, as per the next two points.
3. Renegotiate agreements. As soon as you realize you won't be able to keep an agreement, you need to renegotiate it with the stakeholders. This might mean changing when it gets done, or the scope of what gets done, or perhaps agreeing not to do it at all.
4. Clean up broken agreements. Very rarely, you may have an agreement that you can't keep and can't renegotiate. Here, you must proactively find the stakeholders, sincerely apologize, and see what you can do to make it up to them.
Commitment #7: generating appreciation
The four elements of masterful appreciation:
1. Sincerity. Appreciation must be real and true. If it's not sincere, it can do more harm than good.
2. Unarguable truth. Compare "That was a great report!" (arguable) with "The way you laid out the report made me feel like I had all the info I needed at my fingertips" (unarguable).
3. Specificity. Vague appreciation can be misinterpreted. Be specific and clear.
4. Succinct language. Don't ramble on for ours. A sentence or two that is sincere, unarguable, and specific is most effective.
Commitment #8: thrive in your zone of genius
For every type of work that you do, pause and ask yourself:
1. What sort of feedback and results do I get on this work?
2. Can other people at the company do this better than me?
3. How much do I enjoy doing this work?
Your zone of genius is the work where you consistently get very positive feedback and results, where you're the best person at that type of work in the company, and it's the kind of work you love that it doesn't feel like work at all. You should spend as much of your time in your zone of genius as you possibly can.
Commitment #11: sourcing approval, control, and security
"Humans have three core wants: approval, control, and security. All other "wants" stem from these basic desires, whether it's wanting success, a raise, fame, a new car, healthy children, a unified leadership team, greater profitability, or dependable coworkers. Wants come in both big and small packages, from wanting my office to be two degrees cooler right now to wanting to live a life of significance. The point of this chapter is that all wants, regardless of their size, are actually just three core wants showing up in a multitude of manifestations."
"Most leaders and most people believe and are deeply committed to the belief that what they want (approval, control and security) is "out there." Out-there-ness is the belief that my approval, control and security are dependent on someone or something other than myself. Put simply, I don't have it within me and something or someone needs to give it to me. Out-there-ness leads to "if-only-ness." If only my boss would appreciate me, then I would have the sense of approval I so desperately want.
If only I had an employment contract, I would have the security that I need. If only my child would obey me I would be in control. Unconscious leaders are in the trance of "out-there-ness" and "if-only-ness." They are driven by them.
One thing we highly recommend for leaders who desire to wake up out of this common trance is to identify how out-there-ness and if-only-ness are showing up in their life. This can be done by simply completing this sentence over and over:
"If only ________ would ________ I would have approval/control/security."
April 7, 2023
Disruptive ideas. Applying mindfulness and intentionality to business.
August 30, 2023
Some of it was good and felt worth exploring deeper, but other parts felt like they weren't written for someone like me. And that's ok.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 197 reviews