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Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage Paperback – International Edition, February 8, 2022
“One of the first honest, moving and funny portrayals of a solid marriage I have ever read.” —Jessica Grose, The New York Times
A Best Book of 2022 from The New Yorker and Chicago Tribune
An illuminating, poignant, and savagely funny examination of modern marriage from Ask Polly advice columnist Heather Havrilesky
If falling in love is the peak of human experience, then marriage is the slow descent down that mountain, on a trail built from conflict, compromise, and nagging doubts. Considering the limited economic advantages to marriage, the deluge of other mate options a swipe away, and the fact that almost half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce anyway, why do so many of us still chain ourselves to one human being for life?
In Foreverland, Heather Havrilesky illustrates the delights, aggravations, and sublime calamities of her marriage over the span of fifteen years, charting an unpredictable course from meeting her one true love to slowly learning just how much energy is required to keep that love aflame. This refreshingly honest portrait of a marriage reveals that our relationships are not simply “happy” or “unhappy,” but something much murkier—at once unsavory, taxing, and deeply satisfying. With tales of fumbled proposals, harrowing suburban migrations, external temptations, and the bewildering insults of growing older, Foreverland is a work of rare candor and insight. Havrilesky traces a path from daydreaming about forever for the first time to understanding what a tedious, glorious drag forever can be.
- Print length304 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherEcco
- Publication dateFebruary 8, 2022
- Dimensions5.51 x 0.83 x 8.19 inches
- ISBN-100063267012
- ISBN-13978-0063267015
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Editorial Reviews
Review
"This book is a delight. Funny, honest and deeply romantic, Havrilesky does the world a favor by letting us peek inside her mind and her marriage." — Chicago Tribune
"This reads like a confession from a friend who has examined their own life through an intellectual and emotional lense -- and comes out with some answers for us." — Good Morning America
“In its own sardonic and skeptical fashion, “Foreverland” is a tender book, full of touching descriptions of falling and staying in love, even in the face of the profound frustrations.” — The New Yorker
"She walks the tightrope here, unflinching in her appraisal, indulgent in her praise… The book is a delight; it is a magic trick. It is also terrifically funny.” — Southern Review of Books
"Wise, witty, profane, even profound.... Her voice is so engaging, and her comic timing so impeccable, that she turns the “divine tedium” of her marriage into a rollicking adventure for her readers, too." — Associated Press
“I instantly fell in love with Heather Havrilesky's new book Foreverland…. I deeply identified with her raw, real, and often hilarious take on motherhood, growing older, and the challenges of tethering yourself to another person.” — InStyle Magazine
“Funny, forthright…. In Foreverland, Havrilesky considers the ups and downs of married life, writing with candor about its undeviating dullness and surprising upsides …. Whether single or spoken for, readers are sure to fall for Havrilesky’s charming memoir.” — BookPage
“Havrilesky’s neurotic, self-deprecating sense of humor is always on display and adds a comedic twist on universal themes.” — San Francisco Chronicle
“Equal parts curiosity, humor and disarming candor, rejecting the platitudes with which so many of us (especially women) have long been bombarded…. At once a tribute to the joy of finding the one and the woes of putting up with them.” — St. Louis Post-Dispatch
“Filled with barbed humor and hilarious anecdotes drawn from her own marriage, it is a delightfully engaging love letter to matrimony that is both highly entertaining and profoundly insightful.” — Atlanta Journal-Constitution
"A beautifully honest exploration of marriage in all its intricacies." — Shondaland
“One of the first honest, moving and funny portrayals of a solid marriage I have ever read.” — Jessica Grose, The New York Times
"Both married and unmarried audiences will find something to cherish in this book on what it means to have a good marriage, what a marriage is at all, and how to retain one’s identity, as well as desires, in the face of binding yourself to another." — Literary Hub
“Havrilesky’s portrayal of the gritty underside of marriage is honest and searing.” — Jacobin
"Newlyweds, nearlyweds, and golden-anniversary celebrants alike will find much that is familiar, inspiring, and comforting in Havrilesky’s clear-eyed paean to marital bliss and blunders." — Booklist (starred review)
"Havrilesky’s candid reflections will delight those who’ve taken the plunge, for better or for worse." — Publishers Weekly
"Havrilesky successfully provides ample opportunities for readers to laugh, commiserate, and critique, regardless of their phase in life or marital status." — Library Journal
"Heather Havrilesky’s Foreverland is full of razor-sharp, big-hearted wisdom about conflict, lust, obsession, parenting, road trips, daily survival, and the saving, terrifying power of honesty. Her willingness to behold the frustrations of intimacy is what makes her—ultimately—such a keen and necessary scribe of its grace. I want to share this book with my exes, my mother, my partner, future versions of my daughter, future versions of myself, and every last reader I could shake by the shoulders and say: You might not know it, but you need this. It will help you survive your own life." — Leslie Jamison, New York Times bestselling author of The Recovering
“The inner workings of other people’s relationships are usually cloaked in mystery and papered over with platitudes. By letting us closely observe her fifteen-year marriage—nose-hair trimmers, random crushes, warts, and all—Heather makes us all feel less alone in our own weird and wonderful partnerships. There’s something so refreshing about a book that doesn’t try to convince you to invest in your marriage, and instead describes how difficult it is to do exactly that. I laughed. I cried. I didn’t file for divorce.” — Ann Friedman, New York Times bestselling coauthor of Big Friendship
“In a time of carefully managed, painstakingly cropped, plastic Instagram families, Heather Havrilesky’s incisive examination of marriage and family, Foreverland, reads, refreshingly, like a war diary—a generously candid, disarmingly heartfelt examination of those we love, what we value, and why. Occasionally meditative, brutally insightful, effortlessly witty, and always honest, Heather Havrilesky should be a household name, a guru for those of us whose hair itches at the thought of gurus.” — Lauren Hough, New York Times bestselling author of Leaving Isn’t the Hardest Thing
About the Author
Heather Havrilesky writes the popular Ask Polly advice column on Substack and is the author of What If This Were Enough?, How to Be a Person in the World, and Disaster Preparedness. She has written for the New Yorker, the Atlantic, the New York Times Magazine, and NPR’s All Things Considered, among others, and also maintains the Ask Molly newsletter, written by Polly’s evil twin. She lives in Durham, North Carolina, with her husband, two daughters, and two dogs.
Product details
- Publisher : Ecco
- Publication date : February 8, 2022
- Language : English
- Print length : 304 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0063267012
- ISBN-13 : 978-0063267015
- Item Weight : 10.8 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.51 x 0.83 x 8.19 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,070 in Love & Romance (Books)
- #1,184 in Marriage
- #6,060 in Memoirs (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Heather Havrilesky is an essayist and critic who writes New York Magazine's popular Ask Polly advice column. She is the author of What If This Were Enough? (Doubleday, 2018), How to Be a Person in the World (Doubleday, 2016) and Disaster Preparedness (Riverhead, 2011). Her writing has appeared in The New Yorker, The New York Times Magazine, The Atlantic, Esquire, NPR's All Things Considered, and several anthologies. She lives in Los Angeles with a loud assortment of dependents, most of them non-deductible.
Customer reviews
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Customers find the book's wit engaging, with one review noting amusing anecdotes interspersed with insight. They describe it as a fun read for married couples, and one customer highlights its honest take on the reality of marriage.
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Customers enjoy the book's wit, finding it very relatable and funny, with one customer noting the amusing anecdotes interspersed with insight.
"...And her take on things is fresh and well said. Truly enjoyable and life affirming. Highly recommend for anyone who’s married...." Read more
"I loved the authors way of expressing the events and feelings about her relationship. This book brought up stuff for me." Read more
"...and stayed up till 5 am reading it because it’s hilarious and witty and un-putdownable!..." Read more
"This is a fun read for married couples. Very relatable and, oh my, does the author know how to turn a phrase. Her wit and style are delightful...." Read more
Customers find the book enjoyable, particularly as a fun read for married couples.
"This is a fun and quick read that will stay with you for a while. And I think lot of reviewers seem to have missed her point...." Read more
"This is a fun read for married couples. Very relatable and, oh my, does the author know how to turn a phrase. Her wit and style are delightful...." Read more
"Thoroughly enjoyed this book...." Read more
"Thoroughly enjoyed this. Read it quickly and will read it again!!!" Read more
Customers appreciate the book's honest portrayal of marriage, with one review describing it as a blemished reality of love.
"I loved the authors way of expressing the events and feelings about her relationship. This book brought up stuff for me." Read more
"...This book is a look into another couple's life and it might even make you appreciate your own partner, family and friends even more." Read more
"Amusing anecdotes interspersed with insight. An honest take on the reality of marriage as it works for this couple...." Read more
"...but joyfully wry prose that speaks to the nuances and blemished reality of love and sharing a life with someone...." Read more
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Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on May 4, 2022This is a fun and quick read that will stay with you for a while. And I think lot of reviewers seem to have missed her point. If you’re familiar with her style, Havrilesky tends to say the opposite of what she’s getting at. You have to follow her to the end. If you just pull out a quote here or there, you’ll miss it. Ironically, the reviews all focused on the negative things she said, missing the real point, which is that negatives are the best part. The downside is what’s awesome about a relationship that, as she put it, either ends in death or divorce.
This book is better than Havrilesky’s Ask Polly columns, and that’s saying a lot. She really gets what marriage is about. And her take on things is fresh and well said. Truly enjoyable and life affirming. Highly recommend for anyone who’s married. Anyone who ended a marriage. And anyone who wants to think about how this timeless institution still works in our lives today
- Reviewed in the United States on March 7, 2025I loved the authors way of expressing the events and feelings about her relationship. This book brought up stuff for me.
- Reviewed in the United States on February 10, 2022I am in LOVE with Heather’s voice since I read ‘What if this were enough?’ (I picked it up in a bookshop when I saw the title because I’ve always had the nagging doubt that nothing will ever be enough for me).
I love her work here too. I preordered it weeks ago and was waiting anxiously for it. It arrived last night (I’ve never been happier upon realizing what’s in an Amazon box, I was squealing!!) and stayed up till 5 am reading it because it’s hilarious and witty and un-putdownable! (Just read the first paragraph - I was cackling out loud throughout!) I finished it within two days (and was very sleep deprived at work).
I’m actually getting married this year and it was lovely to read such an honest book right beforehand. I even read the first paragraph aloud to my fiancé. Thank you Heather for existing!! I am grateful to be alive in this world at the same time you are!
And thank you Bill as well - you seem lovely!
- Reviewed in the United States on March 14, 2022I heard an interview with the author on NPR. Her honest and hilarious take on marriage sounded like my girl friends and I letting off steam. No sugarr-coated BS. Which is great...until she has children. Then the book becomes one long "Nana's Brag Book". And every chapter. a happy ending. Not what I was looking forward to.
- Reviewed in the United States on February 25, 2022We all do annoying things, funny things, ghastly things and great things. Sometimes we even stay together through these episodes. Heather Havrilesky, makes a convincing point that the things that make us human are the things we end up loving in one another. Couples are weird, and families are just bonkers. If you're a a fan this is an easy sale but even if you're not, if you've read the reviews and are on the fence, give Havrilesky a chance. This book is a look into another couple's life and it might even make you appreciate your own partner, family and friends even more.
- Reviewed in the United States on March 17, 2022I read an article that Heather wrote and loved it so much that I pre-ordered this book. I am a big fan of women telling the truth about marriage and motherhood. I started off really enjoying this book, and there were some sections that I absolutely loved. I feel the trouble lies in the editing. It became a real downer of a book at times because so much dark truth was strung together one chapter after the next. The end was a little surprising because she finally shared the good parts of her relationship and why they are still together. I would have liked to have some of this positivity weaved here and there into the manuscript, instead of waiting until the end. It shouldn't have been a true surprise that they stayed married in my opinion.
- Reviewed in the United States on April 14, 2022This is a fun read for married couples. Very relatable and, oh my, does the author know how to turn a phrase. Her wit and style are delightful. I am re-reading paragraphs just to laugh again. I purchased because I read a good review in my local paper. I second that review.
- Reviewed in the United States on February 23, 2022Thirty minutes in this Foreverland was too much. The snarky tone, the unprofessional quality of the author's narration, the sadness I felt for the husband...you have been warned. The reviewer who wrote at length near this review summed it up with eloquence. Wish I had read it before buying this audio.
Top reviews from other countries
- ALICEReviewed in the United Kingdom on August 2, 2022
5.0 out of 5 stars Very funny book - insightful too
Loved it! A really funny book, full of anecdotes and "real life" realities. I was aware when buying it that not all the reviews out there were positive, but it's a really good book for anyone who's interested in getting a real-life perspective on marriage.
- M. GibsonReviewed in the United Kingdom on May 26, 2023
5.0 out of 5 stars Fab read!
Brill holiday read, if you’re married you’ll relate. Defo one to make you giggle!
- JBReviewed in the United Kingdom on April 11, 2022
2.0 out of 5 stars hmm. not as good as the hype
She is annoying to read about and I struggled to feel any connection to their problems. It felt more like an ode to her glorious husband rather than any analysis of real marriage.