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How to Live: 27 conflicting answers and one weird conclusion
Not quite non-fiction, not quite self-help. It’s a work of art about conflicting philosophies.
Many books believe they know how you should live.
But each book disagrees with the next.
In “How to Live”, each chapter believes it knows how you should live.
And each chapter disagrees with the next.
One chapter makes a compelling argument for why you should be completely independent, keeping all options open. The next chapter argues why you should commit to one career, one place, and one person.
One chapter persuades you to be fully present, and experience each moment. The next, to delay gratification and invest for the future.
Which one is right? Which does the author believe? All of them. It's a philosophy of conflicting philosophies.
A very unique and thought-provoking book.
Meant for reflection as much as instruction.
113 incredibly succinct pages of profound insights.
No philosophers are quoted.
No -isms are named.
Only actionable directives.
The end result feels more like poetry than prose.
115 pages, Hardcover
First published August 1, 2021
About the author
Derek Sivers
31 books1,283 followersDerek Sivers is an author of philosophy and entrepreneurship, known for his surprising quotable insights and pithy succinct writing style.
Formerly a musician, programmer, TED speaker, and circus clown, he sold his first company for $22 million and gave all the money to charity.
Sivers’ books (How to Live, Hell Yeah or No, Your Music and People, Anything You Want) and newest projects are at his website: https://sive.rs/
Formerly a musician, programmer, TED speaker, and circus clown, he sold his first company for $22 million and gave all the money to charity.
Sivers’ books (How to Live, Hell Yeah or No, Your Music and People, Anything You Want) and newest projects are at his website: https://sive.rs/
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 311 reviews
September 1, 2022
I love this book and I've recommended it a number of times because it charts its way through the space of self-consistent philosophies for life, none of them strictly right or wrong. I love the idea that, as miraculously conscious entities that we are, we experience a kind of awareness and are empowered to adopt a philosophy and a system for life. This book is an enumeration of ways of being, view on life and its purpose and morality. For me the enumeration in this book is only a step 1, and has given me a lot of food for a more fundemantal theory. E.g. a slider that controls how much you care about people at a different radius away from you (you alone, family, community, all people alive, people alive in the future), how you measure the distance function (e.g. proximity/genetics), and over what time (e.g. right now or in the future and how far). Or how much you value hedonism vs. meaning. Or whether your sense of worth/meaning is more internally or externally driven. Etc. But the 27 answers are then the narrative that emerges out of a certain setting of these more fundamental variables in some interesting high-dimensional space of personal philosophy.
June 21, 2021
It is really good.
But: I'm a Sivers fan. 10 years ago I sent him an email out of the blue because I knew that he had moved to Singapore and I wanted to do the same. Lo and behold, in good old Sivers fashion he replied and introduced me to a young accountant who would eventually help me to set foot into the country and start a business and quite quickly get my PR status. 10 years later, this very accountant is still working with me, I made a fortune in Singapore, married the love of my life and somehow I feel forever a little bit indebted to Derek because he sent me, a complete stranger, that one contact.
So I am biased.
Being an expat and traveller, an entrepreneur, a musician, a designer, a creator, a rebel, a humanitarian and a husband myself, I found myself nodding along. "Yeah, I get it. I did that. I'd totally do that".
There are a lot of chapters about having many women and at first it bothered me a little, but I *think* I understand that each chapter is an exaggeration, not to be taken quite literally, more like an extreme, a thought experiment, what if you walked the talk all the way to the end?
It also needs to be read slowly, as warned in the introduction. Actually, I think the first read should be fast, so you get the whole picture. But that will leave you wanting and unimpressed. Now that I'm through it once, it is time for my second read.
My second read will probably take me a few years.
Another reviewer said it's a "modern day "Meditations"" and I think that nails it. There's a lot of Stoicism buried in this book, albeit far more accessible than any of the stoic source materials.
But: I'm a Sivers fan. 10 years ago I sent him an email out of the blue because I knew that he had moved to Singapore and I wanted to do the same. Lo and behold, in good old Sivers fashion he replied and introduced me to a young accountant who would eventually help me to set foot into the country and start a business and quite quickly get my PR status. 10 years later, this very accountant is still working with me, I made a fortune in Singapore, married the love of my life and somehow I feel forever a little bit indebted to Derek because he sent me, a complete stranger, that one contact.
So I am biased.
Being an expat and traveller, an entrepreneur, a musician, a designer, a creator, a rebel, a humanitarian and a husband myself, I found myself nodding along. "Yeah, I get it. I did that. I'd totally do that".
There are a lot of chapters about having many women and at first it bothered me a little, but I *think* I understand that each chapter is an exaggeration, not to be taken quite literally, more like an extreme, a thought experiment, what if you walked the talk all the way to the end?
It also needs to be read slowly, as warned in the introduction. Actually, I think the first read should be fast, so you get the whole picture. But that will leave you wanting and unimpressed. Now that I'm through it once, it is time for my second read.
My second read will probably take me a few years.
Another reviewer said it's a "modern day "Meditations"" and I think that nails it. There's a lot of Stoicism buried in this book, albeit far more accessible than any of the stoic source materials.
November 21, 2021
Some good advice, but very American advice
July 14, 2021
Derek says that this is his best book ever, and I fully understand that an author is always going to have his/her own perspective on a book, not just because of the experience of bringing it into being, but because of what he/she hopes the book might achieve. It is that latter reason, I think, that inspired Derek to say this was his best book ever. He is truly trying to challenge existing paradigms for "how to live" in a world with so many conflicting messages.
Like me, you may find yourself deeply underlining the sections you agree with and almost speed-reading the sections you don't. But that's the point: you need to be willing to immerse yourself in the "alternative" world view of every chapter in order to get the overarching message: there is no one way to live your life. There are many - find elements that appeal to you and your personality and lean into them. But also be open to retooling and reorienting today, tomorrow, next year, or next decade.
"When you're indifferent to people's words and actions, nobody can affect you." (loc 41)
"Being fully independent is how to live." (loc 76)
"So why not act that way and live that day every day? Commit to your habits to make them rituals. If it's not important, never do it. If it's important, do it ever day. Rockets use most of their fuel in the first minute of flight, to escape the pull of gravity. Once they get outside that pull, it's effortless. Same with your habits. Starting is hard. The rest is easy. New habits are what you're trying. Old habits are who you are." (loc 115)
"Let go of feeling needed." (loc 220)
"Choose a culture that values what you value." (loc 304)
"To enjoy your past is to live twice." (loc 322)
"When you make a big mistake and want to learn its lesson, deliberately amplify the pain, the deep regret, and the consequences. Keep the bad feelings vivid and visceral. Make the lesson memorable, so you won't do it again." (loc 339)
"Mastery is the best goal because the rich can't buy it, the impatient can't rush it, the privileged can't inherit it, and nobody can steal it. You can only earn it through hard work. Mastery is the ultimate status." (loc 347)
"When you're not practicing, remember: someone somewhere is practicing. When you meet them, they will win." (loc 374)
"Don't live somewhere pleasant surrounded by normal people. Live among your fellow freaks, where obsession is normal and ambition is rewarded." (loc 382)
"You don't need to hang out, make small talk, or join in common rituals. You don't need to sleep at normal hours, keep a tidy home, or even relax. Be sharply focused, not well-rounded." (loc 391)
"Keep the rest of your life boring. Drama is a distraction. Your personal life and other concerns can shrink to almost nothing. Focus everything on your work." (loc 391)
"The goal of life is not comfort. Pursuing comfort is both pathetic and bad for you." (loc 441)
"Pain is coming anyway. Don't get a shield. Get a saddle." (loc 451)
"Never consider yourself an expert. It's the strong swimmers who drown. Don't believe what you think. Have questions, not answers. Doubt everything. The easiest person to fool is yourself. Don't answer a hard question too quickly. Don't stop at the first answer. In mystery stories, the first suspect is not the culprit. If you're not embarrassed by what you thought last year, you need to learn more and faster." (loc 638)
"When you're really learning, you'll feel stupid and vulnerable - like a hermit crab between shells." (loc 647)
"Don't quote. Put it in your own words without looking up or referencing what others said. If you can't explain it yourself, you don't know it." (loc 665)
"Great public speaking comes from great private thinking." (loc 665)
"Learning is a pursuit you can't lose." (loc 665)
"An undisciplined moment seems harmless, but they add up to disaster. Without discipline, the tiny things in life will be your downfall." (loc 700)
"Someone says life is hard. The comedian says, 'Compared to what?' Comedians are philosophers." (loc 737)
"Then imagine the relief of finding shelter, the joy of controlled fire on command, and the satisfaction of hot water." (loc 765)
"Want nothing, and nothing will disappoint you. Want nothing, an nothing is outside your control. Want nothing, and fate can't hurt you." (loc 774)
"Shallow happy is pursuing pleasure. Deep happy is pursuing fulfillment. Fulfillment is more fun than fun." (loc 799)
"The best marketing is being considerate. The best sales approach is listening. Serve your clients' needs, not your own. Business, when done right, is generous and focused on others." (loc 839)
"The world is full of money. There's no shortage. So capture the value you create. Charge for what you do. It's unsustainable to create value without asking anything in return. Remember that many people like to pay." (loc 869)
"Sell your business before you have to. Sell before it peaks. The fun is in creating a business, not maintaining it." (loc 895)
"Avoid exciting investments." (loc 904)
"Money makes problems go away, but amplifies your personality traits. Money won't change you, but it will amplify who you are." (loc 921)
"Something happened. Something else happened. People love stories, so they connect two events, calling them cause and effect. But the connection is fiction." (loc 928)
"'I'm an introvert, so that's why I can't.' No. Definitions are not reasons. Definitions are just your old responses to past situations. What you call your personality is just a past tendency. New situations need a new response." (loc 928)
"Putting a label on a person is like putting a label on the water in a river. It's ignoring the flow of time." (loc 937)
"You built that boat to cross that river, so leave it there. Don't drag it along with you." (loc 954)
"Avoid habitual comebacks and cliches." (loc 967)
"The more you really connect with people, the more you learn about yourself: what excites you, what drains you, what attracts you, and what intimidates you." (loc 984)
"If you choose not to love someone, break up with one last boost of love, empathy, and kindness, instead of showing your lack of love." (loc 1002)
"Most people die with everything still inside them." (loc 1015)
"Someone who hasn't created anything in years because you're so busy consuming?" (loc 1015)
"Distribute your work as widely as you can. Do whatever it takes to call attention to it. Art needs an audience. There are no unknown geniuses. Charge money to make sure your creations are going to people who really want them. People don't value what's free. Charge for their sake as much as yours. Charge even if you don't need the money." (loc 1051)
"To have good people in your life, just cut out the bad ones." (loc 1072)
"A mistake only counts as experience if you learn from it." (loc 1093)
"The world's greatest achievements were squeezed into existence by deadlines." (loc 1184)
Like me, you may find yourself deeply underlining the sections you agree with and almost speed-reading the sections you don't. But that's the point: you need to be willing to immerse yourself in the "alternative" world view of every chapter in order to get the overarching message: there is no one way to live your life. There are many - find elements that appeal to you and your personality and lean into them. But also be open to retooling and reorienting today, tomorrow, next year, or next decade.
"When you're indifferent to people's words and actions, nobody can affect you." (loc 41)
"Being fully independent is how to live." (loc 76)
"So why not act that way and live that day every day? Commit to your habits to make them rituals. If it's not important, never do it. If it's important, do it ever day. Rockets use most of their fuel in the first minute of flight, to escape the pull of gravity. Once they get outside that pull, it's effortless. Same with your habits. Starting is hard. The rest is easy. New habits are what you're trying. Old habits are who you are." (loc 115)
"Let go of feeling needed." (loc 220)
"Choose a culture that values what you value." (loc 304)
"To enjoy your past is to live twice." (loc 322)
"When you make a big mistake and want to learn its lesson, deliberately amplify the pain, the deep regret, and the consequences. Keep the bad feelings vivid and visceral. Make the lesson memorable, so you won't do it again." (loc 339)
"Mastery is the best goal because the rich can't buy it, the impatient can't rush it, the privileged can't inherit it, and nobody can steal it. You can only earn it through hard work. Mastery is the ultimate status." (loc 347)
"When you're not practicing, remember: someone somewhere is practicing. When you meet them, they will win." (loc 374)
"Don't live somewhere pleasant surrounded by normal people. Live among your fellow freaks, where obsession is normal and ambition is rewarded." (loc 382)
"You don't need to hang out, make small talk, or join in common rituals. You don't need to sleep at normal hours, keep a tidy home, or even relax. Be sharply focused, not well-rounded." (loc 391)
"Keep the rest of your life boring. Drama is a distraction. Your personal life and other concerns can shrink to almost nothing. Focus everything on your work." (loc 391)
"The goal of life is not comfort. Pursuing comfort is both pathetic and bad for you." (loc 441)
"Pain is coming anyway. Don't get a shield. Get a saddle." (loc 451)
"Never consider yourself an expert. It's the strong swimmers who drown. Don't believe what you think. Have questions, not answers. Doubt everything. The easiest person to fool is yourself. Don't answer a hard question too quickly. Don't stop at the first answer. In mystery stories, the first suspect is not the culprit. If you're not embarrassed by what you thought last year, you need to learn more and faster." (loc 638)
"When you're really learning, you'll feel stupid and vulnerable - like a hermit crab between shells." (loc 647)
"Don't quote. Put it in your own words without looking up or referencing what others said. If you can't explain it yourself, you don't know it." (loc 665)
"Great public speaking comes from great private thinking." (loc 665)
"Learning is a pursuit you can't lose." (loc 665)
"An undisciplined moment seems harmless, but they add up to disaster. Without discipline, the tiny things in life will be your downfall." (loc 700)
"Someone says life is hard. The comedian says, 'Compared to what?' Comedians are philosophers." (loc 737)
"Then imagine the relief of finding shelter, the joy of controlled fire on command, and the satisfaction of hot water." (loc 765)
"Want nothing, and nothing will disappoint you. Want nothing, an nothing is outside your control. Want nothing, and fate can't hurt you." (loc 774)
"Shallow happy is pursuing pleasure. Deep happy is pursuing fulfillment. Fulfillment is more fun than fun." (loc 799)
"The best marketing is being considerate. The best sales approach is listening. Serve your clients' needs, not your own. Business, when done right, is generous and focused on others." (loc 839)
"The world is full of money. There's no shortage. So capture the value you create. Charge for what you do. It's unsustainable to create value without asking anything in return. Remember that many people like to pay." (loc 869)
"Sell your business before you have to. Sell before it peaks. The fun is in creating a business, not maintaining it." (loc 895)
"Avoid exciting investments." (loc 904)
"Money makes problems go away, but amplifies your personality traits. Money won't change you, but it will amplify who you are." (loc 921)
"Something happened. Something else happened. People love stories, so they connect two events, calling them cause and effect. But the connection is fiction." (loc 928)
"'I'm an introvert, so that's why I can't.' No. Definitions are not reasons. Definitions are just your old responses to past situations. What you call your personality is just a past tendency. New situations need a new response." (loc 928)
"Putting a label on a person is like putting a label on the water in a river. It's ignoring the flow of time." (loc 937)
"You built that boat to cross that river, so leave it there. Don't drag it along with you." (loc 954)
"Avoid habitual comebacks and cliches." (loc 967)
"The more you really connect with people, the more you learn about yourself: what excites you, what drains you, what attracts you, and what intimidates you." (loc 984)
"If you choose not to love someone, break up with one last boost of love, empathy, and kindness, instead of showing your lack of love." (loc 1002)
"Most people die with everything still inside them." (loc 1015)
"Someone who hasn't created anything in years because you're so busy consuming?" (loc 1015)
"Distribute your work as widely as you can. Do whatever it takes to call attention to it. Art needs an audience. There are no unknown geniuses. Charge money to make sure your creations are going to people who really want them. People don't value what's free. Charge for their sake as much as yours. Charge even if you don't need the money." (loc 1051)
"To have good people in your life, just cut out the bad ones." (loc 1072)
"A mistake only counts as experience if you learn from it." (loc 1093)
"The world's greatest achievements were squeezed into existence by deadlines." (loc 1184)
May 31, 2021
Initially I found it confusing and contradictory, but the intention became clear as I read through the book.
June 1, 2021
It reads like the highlights of a great book. If you want to extract the essential you will highlight 80%. That’s why I think I will come back to it time and time again.
December 2, 2021
No matter what one does, it's always the best decision ever. Color me a sucker but I love it.
Q:
Crowds are hysterical, and inbreed opinions. Don’t be a part of any group. Don’t take sides on any fight.
Instead of standing out from the crowd, just avoid and ignore the crowd. Avoid social media and the zeitgeist. Its stupidity will infect you. (c)
Q:
Don’t align with any religion, philosophy, or political stance. Stay unlabeled and unbound. (c)
Q:
Dogs bark.
People speak.
It doesn’t mean a thing. (c)
Q:
What they say and do has nothing to do with you, even if it seems directed your way.
The only opinion that matters is your own. (c)
Q:
When you know what you’re doing, you won’t care what anyone else is doing. (c)
Q:
Never agree with anything the same day you hear it, because some ideas are persuasively hypnotic. (c)
Q:
Never agree with anything the same day you hear it, because some ideas are persuasively hypnotic. (c)
Q:
When you say you want more freedom from the world, you may just need freedom from your past self.
...
Change yourself and you change the world. (c)
Q:
You don’t see things as they are.
You see them as you are. (c)
Q:
Move symbolically far away from where you grew up. (c)
Q:
If a country enters into war or makes your life hard, just leave. (c)
Q:
Make friends wherever you go, so that no one place has all of your friends. (c)
Q:
You can laugh at the hysteria of the crowd, and learn from it too.
You can take sides in a fight, with a smirk.
You can even take responsibility for someone else.
Being fully independent is how to live (c)
Q:
To go one direction means you’re not going other directions. When you commit to one outcome, you’re united and sharply focused. When you sacrifice your alternate selves, your remaining self has amazing power. (c)
Q:
Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is harder. Enthusiasm is common. Endurance is rare. (c)
Q:
Commitment gives you peace of mind.
When you commit to one thing, and let go of the rest, you feel free.
Once you decide something, never change your mind.
It’s so much easier to decide just once.
Commitment gives you integrity and social bonds.
Commitment gives you expertise and power.
Commitment gives you love and happiness.
Committing is how to live. (c)
Q:
Things are neither good nor bad — they’re as neutral as a rock.
When people give opinions, add a question mark.
If they say, “Immigration is bad,” change it to, “Immigration is bad?”
Let the questions drift away, unanswered.. (c)
Q:
Your own mind is the best laboratory. It’s also the most private and peaceful place to work. (c)
Q:
We treat the future like a garbage dump.
We dump our debts, pollution, junk, and responsibilities on the future, as if it’s a problem solved.
It’s the most psychopathically inconsiderate thing we do to our children, since it’s their world, not ours. (c)
Q:
If you eventually need a permanent home, choose the place you’d want to be if everything goes wrong. (c)
Q:
Make a story for the things you want to remember. Never make a story for the things you want to forget. Let those disappear with time.
Your memories are a mix of fact and fiction. Your story about an experience overwrites your memory of the actual experience. So use this in your favor. Re-write your past. (c)
Q:
Mastery is the best goal because the rich can’t buy it, the impatient can’t rush it, the privileged can’t inherit it, and nobody can steal it.
You can only earn it through hard work.
Mastery is the ultimate status. (c)
Q:
The path gets more and more interesting as you go. (c)
Q:
All paths go either towards that mountain or away from it.
Because of this perspective, problems won’t deter you.
Most people look down at the ground, upset by every obstacle.
With your eyes on the horizon, you’ll step over obstacles, undeterred.
If you haven’t decided what to master, pick anything that scares you, fascinates you, or infuriates you. Don’t ask, “Is this the real me?” or “Is this my passion?” Those questions lead to endless searching and disappointment. People don’t fail by choosing the wrong path — they fail by not choosing. Make your choice, then make a lifetime commitment to constant improvement. The passion comes after you start getting good. (c)
Q:
Don’t do well what you shouldn’t do at all. (c)
Q:
How long will it take you to become a master? It doesn’t matter. Imagine getting to a mountaintop after a long hike through a gorgeous forest. Achieving your goal would feel like taking off your backpack. That’s all. You do it for the journey, not the destination.
Pursuing mastery is how to live. (c)
Q:
Random stuff happens. All you can control is your response. Every day, you’ll practice how to react to chaos: with dignity, poise, and grace. (c)
Q:
Put yourself into stressful situations. Eventually, almost nothing will seem stressful.
Socially, try to get rejected. Learn about “rejection therapy”. Make audacious requests that you think will be denied. This removes the pain of rejection. And you’ll be surprised how often they say yes.
The best way to learn a foreign language is to stop speaking your mother tongue. No matter how embarrassing or frustrating, communicate only in your new language. Necessity is the best teacher. But it hurts. (с)
Q:
Since you can’t avoid problems, just find good problems. Happiness isn’t everlasting tranquility. Happiness is solving good problems. (c)
Q:
When talking with people, ask deep open-ended questions — like “What’s your biggest regret?” — that will lead to unexpected stories. (c)
Q:
Crowds are hysterical, and inbreed opinions. Don’t be a part of any group. Don’t take sides on any fight.
Instead of standing out from the crowd, just avoid and ignore the crowd. Avoid social media and the zeitgeist. Its stupidity will infect you. (c)
Q:
Don’t align with any religion, philosophy, or political stance. Stay unlabeled and unbound. (c)
Q:
Dogs bark.
People speak.
It doesn’t mean a thing. (c)
Q:
What they say and do has nothing to do with you, even if it seems directed your way.
The only opinion that matters is your own. (c)
Q:
When you know what you’re doing, you won’t care what anyone else is doing. (c)
Q:
Never agree with anything the same day you hear it, because some ideas are persuasively hypnotic. (c)
Q:
Never agree with anything the same day you hear it, because some ideas are persuasively hypnotic. (c)
Q:
When you say you want more freedom from the world, you may just need freedom from your past self.
...
Change yourself and you change the world. (c)
Q:
You don’t see things as they are.
You see them as you are. (c)
Q:
Move symbolically far away from where you grew up. (c)
Q:
If a country enters into war or makes your life hard, just leave. (c)
Q:
Make friends wherever you go, so that no one place has all of your friends. (c)
Q:
You can laugh at the hysteria of the crowd, and learn from it too.
You can take sides in a fight, with a smirk.
You can even take responsibility for someone else.
Being fully independent is how to live (c)
Q:
To go one direction means you’re not going other directions. When you commit to one outcome, you’re united and sharply focused. When you sacrifice your alternate selves, your remaining self has amazing power. (c)
Q:
Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is harder. Enthusiasm is common. Endurance is rare. (c)
Q:
Commitment gives you peace of mind.
When you commit to one thing, and let go of the rest, you feel free.
Once you decide something, never change your mind.
It’s so much easier to decide just once.
Commitment gives you integrity and social bonds.
Commitment gives you expertise and power.
Commitment gives you love and happiness.
Committing is how to live. (c)
Q:
Things are neither good nor bad — they’re as neutral as a rock.
When people give opinions, add a question mark.
If they say, “Immigration is bad,” change it to, “Immigration is bad?”
Let the questions drift away, unanswered.. (c)
Q:
Your own mind is the best laboratory. It’s also the most private and peaceful place to work. (c)
Q:
We treat the future like a garbage dump.
We dump our debts, pollution, junk, and responsibilities on the future, as if it’s a problem solved.
It’s the most psychopathically inconsiderate thing we do to our children, since it’s their world, not ours. (c)
Q:
If you eventually need a permanent home, choose the place you’d want to be if everything goes wrong. (c)
Q:
Make a story for the things you want to remember. Never make a story for the things you want to forget. Let those disappear with time.
Your memories are a mix of fact and fiction. Your story about an experience overwrites your memory of the actual experience. So use this in your favor. Re-write your past. (c)
Q:
Mastery is the best goal because the rich can’t buy it, the impatient can’t rush it, the privileged can’t inherit it, and nobody can steal it.
You can only earn it through hard work.
Mastery is the ultimate status. (c)
Q:
The path gets more and more interesting as you go. (c)
Q:
All paths go either towards that mountain or away from it.
Because of this perspective, problems won’t deter you.
Most people look down at the ground, upset by every obstacle.
With your eyes on the horizon, you’ll step over obstacles, undeterred.
If you haven’t decided what to master, pick anything that scares you, fascinates you, or infuriates you. Don’t ask, “Is this the real me?” or “Is this my passion?” Those questions lead to endless searching and disappointment. People don’t fail by choosing the wrong path — they fail by not choosing. Make your choice, then make a lifetime commitment to constant improvement. The passion comes after you start getting good. (c)
Q:
Don’t do well what you shouldn’t do at all. (c)
Q:
How long will it take you to become a master? It doesn’t matter. Imagine getting to a mountaintop after a long hike through a gorgeous forest. Achieving your goal would feel like taking off your backpack. That’s all. You do it for the journey, not the destination.
Pursuing mastery is how to live. (c)
Q:
Random stuff happens. All you can control is your response. Every day, you’ll practice how to react to chaos: with dignity, poise, and grace. (c)
Q:
Put yourself into stressful situations. Eventually, almost nothing will seem stressful.
Socially, try to get rejected. Learn about “rejection therapy”. Make audacious requests that you think will be denied. This removes the pain of rejection. And you’ll be surprised how often they say yes.
The best way to learn a foreign language is to stop speaking your mother tongue. No matter how embarrassing or frustrating, communicate only in your new language. Necessity is the best teacher. But it hurts. (с)
Q:
Since you can’t avoid problems, just find good problems. Happiness isn’t everlasting tranquility. Happiness is solving good problems. (c)
Q:
When talking with people, ask deep open-ended questions — like “What’s your biggest regret?” — that will lead to unexpected stories. (c)
May 23, 2022
A book that spins you around so that you take a 360 view.
April 10, 2022
An all-you-can-eat buffet of Siversisms. Endless morsels of wisdom, or a platitudinous overload, depending on appetite.
July 28, 2022
27 short chapters going in all kinds of directions on how to live your live and what to focus on. Super interesting and thought provoking book, which is all over the place but at the same time preaches one simple thing: balance.
April 8, 2023
This seems to be a sort of deadpan "gentle" satire of self-help books, and especially of the self-help content that comes out of Silicon Valley. It's a collection of recommendations on how to live life, all delivered in a bold, overconfident tone; each one of them represents a certain angle (appealing to a certain personality trait or moral value), and they often end up contradicting one another. I guess the final goal is highlighting how unrealistic and meaningless these type of advices are, and that ultimately the question itself can be answered in any way one prefers. Ok, nice "intellectual" exercise. But what's the value of it, really? The reader has to go through a bunch of low quality material just to get to the final punchline "Do you see how pointless all of this is? Hehe". It's almost like a joke on the reader, more than anything else.
April 18, 2022
Very stimulating and thought-out book about how to live your life.
It presents 27 conflicting answers that overexaggerate purposely but always present many good points. Besides having many very good points and wise thoughts, I like how it is provokative and consciously shows the negative aspects of any one lifestyle taken to the extreme.
Very nice and enlightening read.
It presents 27 conflicting answers that overexaggerate purposely but always present many good points. Besides having many very good points and wise thoughts, I like how it is provokative and consciously shows the negative aspects of any one lifestyle taken to the extreme.
Very nice and enlightening read.
December 11, 2021
A collection of cliche, quippy, and contradictory statements about how to live life, presented in a tongue-in-cheek sequential summary format. It’s like reading the last page of twenty seven different self-help books all at once.
It’s a fun little book to read through once, collect your favorite quips, and revisit them periodically.
It’s a fun little book to read through once, collect your favorite quips, and revisit them periodically.
June 15, 2021
What a whirlwind. A great read and the idea is to toy with the reader to show that you can learn from all sides of life. Contradicting advice and points of view that will help you realize that you truly do need a balance in your life. Take a step back and view situations from different eyes.
June 10, 2021
Modern day "Meditations".
December 24, 2021
I'm a huge fan of Derek Sivers and everything he wrote - so I started recommending this book even before reading myself. When I finally started reading the first chapter I actually was a bit shocked and thought "Wow, that's quite an extreme view, maybe I should have been more careful with my recommendations."
A few chapters further, I found that this is the point of the book: 27 short chapters, each stripped to its minimum, with super short paragraphs and sentences, providing different perspectives on life and often contradicting the previous one.
Often his points seem Buddhist and Stoic advice, spiced with his entrepreneurial pragmatism and irony. So now, after being over the 27 chapters and the weird conclusion, I would like to recommend this book - again and wholeheartedly. :)
Some of my highlighted quotes:
From "Do nothing": There’s no deeper happiness than wanting nothing. Desire is the opposite of peace.
From "Master something": The most rewarding things in life take years. Only bad things happen quickly. (...) Goals don’t improve your future. Goals only improve your present actions. A good goal makes you take action immediately.
From: "Let randomness rule": Randomness helps you learn acceptance. You can’t take the blame for failures. You can’t take credit for successes. You can’t regret what you didn’t cause. (...) Random stuff happens. All you can control is your response.
From "Pursue pain": Since you can’t avoid problems, just find good problems. Happiness isn’t everlasting tranquility. Happiness is solving good problems.
From "Do whatever you want now": Most problems are not about the real present moment. They’re anxiety, worried that something bad might happen in the future. They’re trauma, remembering something bad in the past. But none of them are real. If you stop and look around the room, and ask yourself if you have any actual problems right now, the answer is probably no. Unless you’re in physical pain or danger, the problems were all in your head. Memories and imagined futures are not real. The present moment is real and safe.
From "Prepare for the worst": Vividly imagine the worst scenarios until they feel real. Accepting them is the ultimate happiness and security. Realize that the worst is not that bad. People talk about pessimism and optimism by saying, “Glass half-empty or glass half-full?” But a caveman would say, “Oh my god! A glass! What a great invention! I can see what I’m about to drink! This is amazing!
From "Laugh at life": To laugh at something is to be superior to it. Humor shows internal control. (...) A bad situation can feel all-consuming. A laugh shows you’ve escaped. Humor puts distance between an event and yourself.
From "Live for others": Imagine if you found out someone was going to die tomorrow. Imagine how much attention, compassion, and generosity you’d give them. Imagine how you’d forgive their faults. Imagine what you’d do to make their last day on Earth the best it could be. Now treat everyone like that, every day.
From "Get rich": Making money isn’t evil, greedy, shallow, or vain. Money isn’t your worth as a human being, or a substitute for love. But don’t pretend it doesn’t matter. Money can represent freedom, safety, experience, generosity, attractiveness, power, or whatever you want. But really, money is as neutral as math. Because it’s neutral, people have projected all kinds of meaning onto it. Your biggest obstacle to getting rich is the harmful meaning you’ve attached to it. Your biggest advantage can be projecting a helpful meaning onto it. Make it mean you’re on the right path. Make it a game. Make it mean you’re free.
From "Reinvent yourself regularly": Something happened. Something else happened. People love stories, so they connect two events, calling them cause and effect. But the connection is fiction. It’s a hard fiction to escape. “My parents did that, so that’s why I did this.” No. Those two events are not connected. There is no line between moments in time. Same with definitions. “I’m an introvert, so that’s why I can’t.” No. Definitions are not reasons. Definitions are just your old responses to past situations. What you call your personality is just a past tendency. New situations need a new response. Are you more emotional or intellectual? Early bird or night owl? Liberal or conservative? No. Disagree with the question. You aren’t supposed to be easy to explain. Putting a label on a person is like putting a label on the water in a river. It’s ignoring the flow of time.
From "Love": You choose to love something or someone. You can love anything or anyone you decide to love. Love is a combination of attention, appreciation, and empathy. (...) But never try to fix them. When someone tells you what’s broken, they want you to love the brokenness, not try to eliminate it.
From "Create": Don’t wait for inspiration. Inspiration will never make the first move. She comes only when you’ve shown you don’t need her. Do your work every day, no matter what. Suspend all judgment when creating the first draft. Just get to the end. It’s better to create something bad than nothing at all. You can improve something bad. You can’t improve nothing.
A few chapters further, I found that this is the point of the book: 27 short chapters, each stripped to its minimum, with super short paragraphs and sentences, providing different perspectives on life and often contradicting the previous one.
Often his points seem Buddhist and Stoic advice, spiced with his entrepreneurial pragmatism and irony. So now, after being over the 27 chapters and the weird conclusion, I would like to recommend this book - again and wholeheartedly. :)
Some of my highlighted quotes:
From "Do nothing": There’s no deeper happiness than wanting nothing. Desire is the opposite of peace.
From "Master something": The most rewarding things in life take years. Only bad things happen quickly. (...) Goals don’t improve your future. Goals only improve your present actions. A good goal makes you take action immediately.
From: "Let randomness rule": Randomness helps you learn acceptance. You can’t take the blame for failures. You can’t take credit for successes. You can’t regret what you didn’t cause. (...) Random stuff happens. All you can control is your response.
From "Pursue pain": Since you can’t avoid problems, just find good problems. Happiness isn’t everlasting tranquility. Happiness is solving good problems.
From "Do whatever you want now": Most problems are not about the real present moment. They’re anxiety, worried that something bad might happen in the future. They’re trauma, remembering something bad in the past. But none of them are real. If you stop and look around the room, and ask yourself if you have any actual problems right now, the answer is probably no. Unless you’re in physical pain or danger, the problems were all in your head. Memories and imagined futures are not real. The present moment is real and safe.
From "Prepare for the worst": Vividly imagine the worst scenarios until they feel real. Accepting them is the ultimate happiness and security. Realize that the worst is not that bad. People talk about pessimism and optimism by saying, “Glass half-empty or glass half-full?” But a caveman would say, “Oh my god! A glass! What a great invention! I can see what I’m about to drink! This is amazing!
From "Laugh at life": To laugh at something is to be superior to it. Humor shows internal control. (...) A bad situation can feel all-consuming. A laugh shows you’ve escaped. Humor puts distance between an event and yourself.
From "Live for others": Imagine if you found out someone was going to die tomorrow. Imagine how much attention, compassion, and generosity you’d give them. Imagine how you’d forgive their faults. Imagine what you’d do to make their last day on Earth the best it could be. Now treat everyone like that, every day.
From "Get rich": Making money isn’t evil, greedy, shallow, or vain. Money isn’t your worth as a human being, or a substitute for love. But don’t pretend it doesn’t matter. Money can represent freedom, safety, experience, generosity, attractiveness, power, or whatever you want. But really, money is as neutral as math. Because it’s neutral, people have projected all kinds of meaning onto it. Your biggest obstacle to getting rich is the harmful meaning you’ve attached to it. Your biggest advantage can be projecting a helpful meaning onto it. Make it mean you’re on the right path. Make it a game. Make it mean you’re free.
From "Reinvent yourself regularly": Something happened. Something else happened. People love stories, so they connect two events, calling them cause and effect. But the connection is fiction. It’s a hard fiction to escape. “My parents did that, so that’s why I did this.” No. Those two events are not connected. There is no line between moments in time. Same with definitions. “I’m an introvert, so that’s why I can’t.” No. Definitions are not reasons. Definitions are just your old responses to past situations. What you call your personality is just a past tendency. New situations need a new response. Are you more emotional or intellectual? Early bird or night owl? Liberal or conservative? No. Disagree with the question. You aren’t supposed to be easy to explain. Putting a label on a person is like putting a label on the water in a river. It’s ignoring the flow of time.
From "Love": You choose to love something or someone. You can love anything or anyone you decide to love. Love is a combination of attention, appreciation, and empathy. (...) But never try to fix them. When someone tells you what’s broken, they want you to love the brokenness, not try to eliminate it.
From "Create": Don’t wait for inspiration. Inspiration will never make the first move. She comes only when you’ve shown you don’t need her. Do your work every day, no matter what. Suspend all judgment when creating the first draft. Just get to the end. It’s better to create something bad than nothing at all. You can improve something bad. You can’t improve nothing.
December 3, 2023
The format? Each chapter argues in favour of a way to live your life.
The twist? The chapters contradict each other. Eg, "Be independent" vs. "Commit; "Fill your senses" vs. "Do nothing".
Why it works? Because you're reading a section and thinking "Yes, I totally share this view." But 3 minutes later, you read the exact opposite and think "Wait, no, *this* is actually who I am."
The even bigger twist? Realizing that both thoughts are true, perhaps equally. We contain multitudes, and the weird conclusion is that it's up to us to decide how to balance them.
The twist? The chapters contradict each other. Eg, "Be independent" vs. "Commit; "Fill your senses" vs. "Do nothing".
Why it works? Because you're reading a section and thinking "Yes, I totally share this view." But 3 minutes later, you read the exact opposite and think "Wait, no, *this* is actually who I am."
The even bigger twist? Realizing that both thoughts are true, perhaps equally. We contain multitudes, and the weird conclusion is that it's up to us to decide how to balance them.
February 17, 2023
4.5/5 - 'How to Live' by Derek Sivers is an incredibly dense and thought-provoking read. With a multitude of perspectives and concepts, it provides readers with the opportunity to create their own unique interpretation and experience. The author offers extreme examples of each lifestyle, helping readers identify where they may align or where they may need to make changes.
The book has a "Bible"-like quality, in that it encourages readers to revisit it periodically to reassess their priorities and values. However, it's important to note that not all world-views are represented in the book, as it has a heavy bias towards Western and American perspectives. While the author acknowledged this blind spot in the past, it is still a significant limitation in the book.
I personally recommend reading only one or two chapters at a time, as the content is so dense and requires time for reflection. It's evident that the book has been meticulously revised and condensed to distill an essential message into each sentence, making it a challenging but rewarding read.
One common critique of the book is that it presents conflicting stances, where you can't possibly follow all of the advice simultaneously. However, that is the point - it encourages readers to pick and choose what works best for them and not try to follow everything simultaneously. It's an essential reminder that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to living a fulfilling life.
Despite some limitations, 'How to Live' is a thought-provoking and challenging book that will help readers identify their values and priorities.
The book has a "Bible"-like quality, in that it encourages readers to revisit it periodically to reassess their priorities and values. However, it's important to note that not all world-views are represented in the book, as it has a heavy bias towards Western and American perspectives. While the author acknowledged this blind spot in the past, it is still a significant limitation in the book.
I personally recommend reading only one or two chapters at a time, as the content is so dense and requires time for reflection. It's evident that the book has been meticulously revised and condensed to distill an essential message into each sentence, making it a challenging but rewarding read.
One common critique of the book is that it presents conflicting stances, where you can't possibly follow all of the advice simultaneously. However, that is the point - it encourages readers to pick and choose what works best for them and not try to follow everything simultaneously. It's an essential reminder that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to living a fulfilling life.
Despite some limitations, 'How to Live' is a thought-provoking and challenging book that will help readers identify their values and priorities.
December 29, 2023
Its full title describes it perfectly: “27 conflicting answers and one weird conclusion”.
How to Live is an extraordinary book where each and every chapter shows us a different way of how life can be lived. Everything is presented in such a concise way that the book is little more than 115 pages.
Each chapter describes one possible way of living, and all of these possible approaches are all-in, whereby we follow them to the letter. The author describes such ways of living with all their rules that should be respected.
For me, it's a masterpiece. The ideas he discusses point in conflicting directions. For example, the first chapter “Be Independent” is how life should be lived by (among other examples) being a nomadic minimalist, yet the second chapter “Commit” is also how life should be lived, but by choosing one home and staying there for good. The book finishes with “one weird conclusion”, as promised by its title. The conclusion is great, but I won’t spoil it.
To be sure that we are heading in the right direction, we sometimes need to take on different perspectives. Reading these chapters gives us different ways on how we can approach our existence, and thanks to that it gives us something to think about. Over the last two years I’ve read it cover to cover at least 7 times, each time taking from it something new.
This is by far one of my favourite books.
this-review@PoczwardowskiNotes
How to Live is an extraordinary book where each and every chapter shows us a different way of how life can be lived. Everything is presented in such a concise way that the book is little more than 115 pages.
Each chapter describes one possible way of living, and all of these possible approaches are all-in, whereby we follow them to the letter. The author describes such ways of living with all their rules that should be respected.
For me, it's a masterpiece. The ideas he discusses point in conflicting directions. For example, the first chapter “Be Independent” is how life should be lived by (among other examples) being a nomadic minimalist, yet the second chapter “Commit” is also how life should be lived, but by choosing one home and staying there for good. The book finishes with “one weird conclusion”, as promised by its title. The conclusion is great, but I won’t spoil it.
To be sure that we are heading in the right direction, we sometimes need to take on different perspectives. Reading these chapters gives us different ways on how we can approach our existence, and thanks to that it gives us something to think about. Over the last two years I’ve read it cover to cover at least 7 times, each time taking from it something new.
This is by far one of my favourite books.
this-review@PoczwardowskiNotes
August 29, 2023
गागर में सागर
June 10, 2021
Sivers has reached an epitome of clarity in his latest masterpiece that would make Hemingway want to come out of his grave. It’s full of contradictions by design (almost bringing clarity through confusion) and there is not one unnecessary word or article. It’s Sivers reaching his purest form in writing, with lessons that bewilder and make you think more.
April 17, 2024
Audiobook “reread”.
This books is so striking. So lean and punchy. Quite one-of-a-kind. Highest possible recommendation!
***
This is exceptional... the best read for this year so far for me. Purchased a hard copy for a re-read down the line. Strongest possible recommendation.
The book intentionally contradicts itself and one piece of advice is incompatible with the next. It is a homage to Sum: Forty Tales from the Afterlives.
A preview of the origins behind this book:
https://sive.rs/d1
The directives:
Be independent.
Commit.
Fill your senses.
Do nothing.
Think super-long-term.
Intertwine with the world.
Make memories.
Master something.
Let randomness rule.
Pursue pain.
Do whatever you want now.
Be a famous pioneer.
Chase the future.
Value only what has endured.
Learn.
Follow the great book.
Laugh at life.
Prepare for the worst.
Live for others.
Get rich.
Reinvent yourself regularly.
Love.
Create.
Don’t die.
Make a million mistakes.
Make change.
Balance everything.
This books is so striking. So lean and punchy. Quite one-of-a-kind. Highest possible recommendation!
***
This is exceptional... the best read for this year so far for me. Purchased a hard copy for a re-read down the line. Strongest possible recommendation.
The book intentionally contradicts itself and one piece of advice is incompatible with the next. It is a homage to Sum: Forty Tales from the Afterlives.
A preview of the origins behind this book:
https://sive.rs/d1
The directives:
Be independent.
Commit.
Fill your senses.
Do nothing.
Think super-long-term.
Intertwine with the world.
Make memories.
Master something.
Let randomness rule.
Pursue pain.
Do whatever you want now.
Be a famous pioneer.
Chase the future.
Value only what has endured.
Learn.
Follow the great book.
Laugh at life.
Prepare for the worst.
Live for others.
Get rich.
Reinvent yourself regularly.
Love.
Create.
Don’t die.
Make a million mistakes.
Make change.
Balance everything.
December 19, 2021
This book definitely rubbed me the wrong way. I usually like what Derek Sivers writes. His concise style makes information nuggets, so when he came out with his book of all books I bought it immediately. I’ve since pushed myself to read each mini chapter separately, in its own time, to allow for time to digest. But having reached the end of the book, it feels … bad. It feels like a book I would write from the entitlement of my teenage years. Having figured out everything about the world and calling everyone else idiots. His lessons sound like a populist spin doctor for a political party would write. Pick an idea, take it to the extreme, and say that’s how to live. As if the world was black and white with nothing in between.
Surely enough a few ideas precisely contradict previous ones, because you can’t be/do/think everything and nothing at the same time.
I found a couple of nuggets in there for myself. But the aspirational book (which clearly took a while to think about, write and distill down) became a disappointment.
Surely enough a few ideas precisely contradict previous ones, because you can’t be/do/think everything and nothing at the same time.
I found a couple of nuggets in there for myself. But the aspirational book (which clearly took a while to think about, write and distill down) became a disappointment.
May 27, 2023
I never read self-help books and did not pick up this one for self-help purposes, so I can't really compare. Nonetheless, I hope all self-help books convey at least a few of the fundamental truths I found in this one.
I did not agree with everything, no one will. It is in that that lies the power of Derek Sievers' portrait of one's existence - that the right messages will resonate with you when it's the right time for you. I also found flaws in it, especially when it lacks to acknowledge that which economic situation one is born in will prevent some people to follow some (not all) of the advice on how to live.
Nonetheless, this book made me analyse, cherish, challenge or judge how I navigate the world. I'm incredibly grateful to my sister who recommended it.
I listened to this book on a Sunday afternoon during a session of meal-prepping for the week and finished it with barely no breaks. If you can, listen to the audiobook as it is read by Derek himself and his persona really shines through.
I did not agree with everything, no one will. It is in that that lies the power of Derek Sievers' portrait of one's existence - that the right messages will resonate with you when it's the right time for you. I also found flaws in it, especially when it lacks to acknowledge that which economic situation one is born in will prevent some people to follow some (not all) of the advice on how to live.
Nonetheless, this book made me analyse, cherish, challenge or judge how I navigate the world. I'm incredibly grateful to my sister who recommended it.
I listened to this book on a Sunday afternoon during a session of meal-prepping for the week and finished it with barely no breaks. If you can, listen to the audiobook as it is read by Derek himself and his persona really shines through.
November 24, 2021
I'm posting the full review with my notes on my blog. You can read it here: https://pothix.com/howtolivebook
Another great book. I really like the content Derek produces on his blog and books. It's usually dense and full of meaning, there are almost no fillers.
The proposal here is cool: there are many ways to live, you don't have to choose one, you can pick many! All of them are valid ways to live a meaningful life. I can already see many people quoting small pieces of this book and saying things on the internet because they disagree. 😅
I'm wondering if Derek agrees with everything he wrote here, I believe he doesn't, but it still doesn't change the fact that it is how to live.
Recommended as usual!
Another great book. I really like the content Derek produces on his blog and books. It's usually dense and full of meaning, there are almost no fillers.
The proposal here is cool: there are many ways to live, you don't have to choose one, you can pick many! All of them are valid ways to live a meaningful life. I can already see many people quoting small pieces of this book and saying things on the internet because they disagree. 😅
I'm wondering if Derek agrees with everything he wrote here, I believe he doesn't, but it still doesn't change the fact that it is how to live.
Recommended as usual!
January 20, 2023
If this book is an elaborate joke, a satirical middle finger to the chic-stoic, tech bro philosophers of the 2010s and 2020s, then it’s an amusing read, I chuckled, 4 stars.
If it’s serious, then it’s a baffling journey through arguments taken to their ridiculous extremes that ends at one of the oldest clichés in life: “the truth is in the middle”, “everything in moderation”, “find your Goldilocks zone”, etc-etc. In this case, it was three hours of reading yielding minimal to no value. 1 star.
I read the thing from cover to cover and still have no idea, if it’s a joke or not, so let’s average the scores and round down: 2 stars.
If it’s serious, then it’s a baffling journey through arguments taken to their ridiculous extremes that ends at one of the oldest clichés in life: “the truth is in the middle”, “everything in moderation”, “find your Goldilocks zone”, etc-etc. In this case, it was three hours of reading yielding minimal to no value. 1 star.
I read the thing from cover to cover and still have no idea, if it’s a joke or not, so let’s average the scores and round down: 2 stars.
November 7, 2021
I’m split.
Easy read. Some thoughts provoked, but, settling down right on the middle of the fence also means it lacked resonance for me.
I’m a millennial, technically, and with just a few weeks to spare me of boomerdom, and something feels like this is a book for those more firmly convinced that no idea is better than another.. or maybe I just missed something.
Easy read. Some thoughts provoked, but, settling down right on the middle of the fence also means it lacked resonance for me.
I’m a millennial, technically, and with just a few weeks to spare me of boomerdom, and something feels like this is a book for those more firmly convinced that no idea is better than another.. or maybe I just missed something.
July 30, 2023
Life is full of contradictions. Advice is full of contradictions. In this short collection of philosophical musings, Derek Sivers shares many approaches to life, often contradicting that approach in the subsequent chapter.
It's a beautiful read that will cause you to reflect on your operating manual for life.
It's a beautiful read that will cause you to reflect on your operating manual for life.
February 18, 2022
The title for this book is on point. I found it to be a good thought-thread opener, to explore how is it that I consider it is best to live and examine if that is indeed how I am living.
There is no manual on how to live, there's the inner compass and the rest is up to us to decide.
There is no manual on how to live, there's the inner compass and the rest is up to us to decide.
June 9, 2021
One the clearest thinkers I’ve got the pleasure to discover. It’s an inspiration to walk your own path in life.
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