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The Earned Life: Lose Regret, Choose Fulfillment
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Discover the steps to earning your path to fulfillment and living without regrets—from the world-renowned executive coach and New York Times bestselling author of Triggers and What Got You Here Won't Get You There
ONE OF SUMMER’S BEST BUSINESS Inc., Society for Human Resource Management • “My life changed for the better when I started working with Marshall Goldsmith. The Earned Life is a wonderful book.”—Dr. Jim Yong Kim, served as president of the World Bank
“We are living an earned life when the choices, risks, and effort we make in each moment align with an overarching purpose in our lives, regardless of the eventual outcome.”
That’s the definition of an earned life. But for many of us, that pesky final phrase is a stumbling “regardless of the eventual outcome.” Not being attached to the outcome goes against everything we’re taught about achievement and fulfillment in modern society.
But now, in his most personal and powerful work to date, world-renowned leadership coach Marshall Goldsmith offers a dazzling but simple approach that accommodates both our persistent need for achievement and the inescapable “stuff happens” unfairness of life.
Taking inspiration from Buddhism, Goldsmith reveals that the key to living the earned life, unbound by regret, requires committing to a habit of earning and, crucially, connecting that habit to something greater than the isolated achievements of careerism. By grounding our achievements in a higher aspiration, he shows, we can avoid the easy temptation to wallow in regret.
Goldsmith implores readers to avoid the Great Western Disease of “I’ll be happy when. . . .” He offers practical advice and exercises aimed at helping us shed the obstacles, especially the failures of imagination, that prevent us from creating our own fulfilling lives. With this book as their guide, readers can close the gap between what they plan to achieve and what they actually get done—and avoid the trap of existential regret, the kind that reroutes destinies and persecutes our memories.
Packed with illuminating stories from Goldsmith’s legendary career as a coach to some of the world’s highest-achieving leaders as well as reflections on his own experiences, The Earned Life is a road map for ambitious people seeking a higher purpose.
“Marshall Goldsmith is a wonderful coach, educator, and author.”—Albert Bourla, CEO, Pfizer
ONE OF SUMMER’S BEST BUSINESS Inc., Society for Human Resource Management • “My life changed for the better when I started working with Marshall Goldsmith. The Earned Life is a wonderful book.”—Dr. Jim Yong Kim, served as president of the World Bank
“We are living an earned life when the choices, risks, and effort we make in each moment align with an overarching purpose in our lives, regardless of the eventual outcome.”
That’s the definition of an earned life. But for many of us, that pesky final phrase is a stumbling “regardless of the eventual outcome.” Not being attached to the outcome goes against everything we’re taught about achievement and fulfillment in modern society.
But now, in his most personal and powerful work to date, world-renowned leadership coach Marshall Goldsmith offers a dazzling but simple approach that accommodates both our persistent need for achievement and the inescapable “stuff happens” unfairness of life.
Taking inspiration from Buddhism, Goldsmith reveals that the key to living the earned life, unbound by regret, requires committing to a habit of earning and, crucially, connecting that habit to something greater than the isolated achievements of careerism. By grounding our achievements in a higher aspiration, he shows, we can avoid the easy temptation to wallow in regret.
Goldsmith implores readers to avoid the Great Western Disease of “I’ll be happy when. . . .” He offers practical advice and exercises aimed at helping us shed the obstacles, especially the failures of imagination, that prevent us from creating our own fulfilling lives. With this book as their guide, readers can close the gap between what they plan to achieve and what they actually get done—and avoid the trap of existential regret, the kind that reroutes destinies and persecutes our memories.
Packed with illuminating stories from Goldsmith’s legendary career as a coach to some of the world’s highest-achieving leaders as well as reflections on his own experiences, The Earned Life is a road map for ambitious people seeking a higher purpose.
“Marshall Goldsmith is a wonderful coach, educator, and author.”—Albert Bourla, CEO, Pfizer
304 pages, Hardcover
Published May 3, 2022
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June 1, 2022
Marshall Goldsmith has a perspective based in business coaching but his work is very applicable to personal development in many diverse applications. He leans hard on Peter Drucker's assertion that, "Our mission in life is to make a positive difference." What that means for each individual is left for us to define. He offers some guidance for where to look in ourselves for those answers in the first portion of this book. This part seemed a bit stale to me appearing to be information I have encountered in other selfhelp tomes. His discussion of the factors for choosing what opportunities offer the most potential for success are familiar in covering motivation, ability, understanding, confidence, support and marketplace. As with so many of these books, how one determines if there is a market for one's ambition is glossed over. I think this is information which needs better explanation. It is not obvious, especially if your idea is unusual, how to determine if anyone else finds it worthy. Terrifying is the prospect that your hopeful vision is just garbage in the eyes of the rest of the world, so why bother with it all? Goldsmith gives much more concrete help about connecting effort to ambition and further to aspiration through a variety of advice, techniques and exercises in the latter part of this book. He gives excellent advice for creating productive habits and support networks to create growth. I feel like I am leaving this book with some new ideas and techniques that I can implement upon deciding to commit to particular goals, even if my confidence in my personal visions of potential lives or how to choose from available opportunities has not been reinforced.
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October 5, 2022I chanced upon the book courtesy a Farnam Street podcast. In the introduction, Marshall Goldsmith shares an anecdote about Red Hayes, who wrote the song "Satisfied Mind" getting his inspiration from his father-in-law, who when asked who was the richest main the world said, "it is the man with a satisfied mind." And that, ultimately, is the point of this book - to use your time to live a fulfilling life with minimal regrets.
The book has two parts - Choosing your life, and Earning your life. Roughly, the theory and the practice. In the first part, Goldsmith begins with the perfect role model - the Buddha and his "every breath paradigm" - 'every breath I take is a new me', the ideas being impermanence and attachment. On a related note, I loved the book's epigraph too - Presume not that I am the thing that I was (Shakespeare). In essence, fulfilment can neither be achieved by wallowing in memories nor by a living based on a "I'll be happy when..." premise. Essentially, it has to be earned every moment.
The second chapter addresses 'What's stopping you from creating your own life?" and has some very good summation of the things that hold us back - inertia, programming (conditioning), obligation, lack of imagination, the dizzying pace of change, and being 'narcotised' by vicarious living (mimetic desire). In the next chapter he outlines the four qualities + two factors required for us to succeed - motivation, ability, understanding, confidence, support and marketplace.
The fifth chapter, about aspiration, was the one that I found to be most insightful. I usually use a can-want-need framework for my decision-making, but this one was a far more elegant framing - action-ambition-aspiration. I really liked the articulation of the nuance between ambition and aspiration. Ambition is what we want to achieve, aspiration is who we want to become. The path to a fulfilled life happens when all three are aligned. In my case, I face tug-of-wars between ambition and aspiration. This gives me a compass to align.
Another excellent framing I found was opportunity vs risk, as opposed to the more common reward vs risk framing. This is related to the three As. Action is relatively immediate, ambition has a defined time, and aspiration is infinite. By being very conscious of the alignment when gauging opportunity and risk, one can have a better understanding of the risks one is willing to take, and thus make better choices.
While all the chapters have exercises at the end, the second section has more weightage on practice. I must confess that I am not comfortable with measuring this movement to a better life, but I am beginning to see some use cases thanks to this book. I found a very good framing called the Credibility Matrix with axes of 'making a positive difference' and 'proving yourself' which helps determine whether proving yourself to someone is a worthwhile activity. This was useful to me because I believe in letting my work talk, but Goldsmith proves why sometimes I'd have to talk! This is related to the 'confidence' quality in Chapter 2, and thus merits more thought.
As a world-renowned executive coach, Goldsmith has the experience, expertise and the wisdom to frame and articulate the building blocks of living a fulfilling life. He does that extremely well in this book, and provided me perspectives that I hadn't considered earlier.
Quote
In a few hundred years, when the history of our time will be written from a long-term perspective, it is likely that the most important event historians will see is not technology, not the internet, not e-commerce. It is an unprecedented change in the human condition. For the first time- literally-substantial and rapidly growing number of people have choices. For the first time, they will have to manage themselves. And society is totally unprepared for it. ~ Peter Drucker
The book has two parts - Choosing your life, and Earning your life. Roughly, the theory and the practice. In the first part, Goldsmith begins with the perfect role model - the Buddha and his "every breath paradigm" - 'every breath I take is a new me', the ideas being impermanence and attachment. On a related note, I loved the book's epigraph too - Presume not that I am the thing that I was (Shakespeare). In essence, fulfilment can neither be achieved by wallowing in memories nor by a living based on a "I'll be happy when..." premise. Essentially, it has to be earned every moment.
The second chapter addresses 'What's stopping you from creating your own life?" and has some very good summation of the things that hold us back - inertia, programming (conditioning), obligation, lack of imagination, the dizzying pace of change, and being 'narcotised' by vicarious living (mimetic desire). In the next chapter he outlines the four qualities + two factors required for us to succeed - motivation, ability, understanding, confidence, support and marketplace.
The fifth chapter, about aspiration, was the one that I found to be most insightful. I usually use a can-want-need framework for my decision-making, but this one was a far more elegant framing - action-ambition-aspiration. I really liked the articulation of the nuance between ambition and aspiration. Ambition is what we want to achieve, aspiration is who we want to become. The path to a fulfilled life happens when all three are aligned. In my case, I face tug-of-wars between ambition and aspiration. This gives me a compass to align.
Another excellent framing I found was opportunity vs risk, as opposed to the more common reward vs risk framing. This is related to the three As. Action is relatively immediate, ambition has a defined time, and aspiration is infinite. By being very conscious of the alignment when gauging opportunity and risk, one can have a better understanding of the risks one is willing to take, and thus make better choices.
While all the chapters have exercises at the end, the second section has more weightage on practice. I must confess that I am not comfortable with measuring this movement to a better life, but I am beginning to see some use cases thanks to this book. I found a very good framing called the Credibility Matrix with axes of 'making a positive difference' and 'proving yourself' which helps determine whether proving yourself to someone is a worthwhile activity. This was useful to me because I believe in letting my work talk, but Goldsmith proves why sometimes I'd have to talk! This is related to the 'confidence' quality in Chapter 2, and thus merits more thought.
As a world-renowned executive coach, Goldsmith has the experience, expertise and the wisdom to frame and articulate the building blocks of living a fulfilling life. He does that extremely well in this book, and provided me perspectives that I hadn't considered earlier.
Quote
In a few hundred years, when the history of our time will be written from a long-term perspective, it is likely that the most important event historians will see is not technology, not the internet, not e-commerce. It is an unprecedented change in the human condition. For the first time- literally-substantial and rapidly growing number of people have choices. For the first time, they will have to manage themselves. And society is totally unprepared for it. ~ Peter Drucker
July 6, 2022
I forget now how this came up on my radar because I don't think it was a specific recommendation from someone, but I'm always in pursuit of social psychology, self improvement, or business books that can lend some thought to how I conduct myself at home, work, and any other space I inhabit. This one is one of the better ones as evidenced by the easy way Goldsmith explains himself- his voice shines through- the simple elegance of including specific anecdotes, and the instances where he does insert himself that are usually to serve a greater purpose, not stroke his ego. I'll likely pick up another of his.
In this book, he focuses on an earned life. And I'll start from the end and work my way back-- "The reward of living an earned life is being engaged in the process of constantly earning such a life." Some of the tagged notes and Post-its I used:
*"Regret is the polar opposite of fulfillment"... "Schultz in her wonderful 2011 TED talk on the subject is, 'the emotion we experience when we think that our present situation could be better or happier if we had done something different in the past.' Regret is a devilish cocktail of agency (our regrets are ours to create, they're not foisted upon us by others) and imagination (we have to visualize making a different choice in our past that delivers a more appealing outcome now)."
*"This is our operative definition of an earned life: We are living an earned life when the choices, risks, and effort we make in each moment align with an overarching purpose in our lives, regardless of the eventual outcome."
*Life your own life, not someone else's version of it / commit yourself to earning every day, make it a habit / attach your earning moments to something greater than mere personal ambition.
*Earned: hard work reward of a job well done whether recognized or personal.
*Impermanence
*Inertia: what we're doing now is likely what we'll be doing five minutes from now or ten years from now.
*"Running out of runway"-- the time we've meted out to ourselves to achieve our destiny.
*Success-- motivation, ability, understanding, and confidence.
*A: action (what we're doing now), ambition (what we want to achieve), aspiration (what we want to become)
*The gift of aspiring such as a self-cultivation project then becomes a part of your identity and builds for the rest of your life if you want it to.
*Feynman's quote: "Fall in love with some activity, and do it! Nearly everything is really interesting if you go into it deeply enough. Work as hard and as much as you want to on the things you like to do the best. Don't think about what you want to be, but what you want to do. Keep up some kind of a minimum with other things so that society doesn't stop you from doing anything at all".
*Specialize!
In this book, he focuses on an earned life. And I'll start from the end and work my way back-- "The reward of living an earned life is being engaged in the process of constantly earning such a life." Some of the tagged notes and Post-its I used:
*"Regret is the polar opposite of fulfillment"... "Schultz in her wonderful 2011 TED talk on the subject is, 'the emotion we experience when we think that our present situation could be better or happier if we had done something different in the past.' Regret is a devilish cocktail of agency (our regrets are ours to create, they're not foisted upon us by others) and imagination (we have to visualize making a different choice in our past that delivers a more appealing outcome now)."
*"This is our operative definition of an earned life: We are living an earned life when the choices, risks, and effort we make in each moment align with an overarching purpose in our lives, regardless of the eventual outcome."
*Life your own life, not someone else's version of it / commit yourself to earning every day, make it a habit / attach your earning moments to something greater than mere personal ambition.
*Earned: hard work reward of a job well done whether recognized or personal.
*Impermanence
*Inertia: what we're doing now is likely what we'll be doing five minutes from now or ten years from now.
*"Running out of runway"-- the time we've meted out to ourselves to achieve our destiny.
*Success-- motivation, ability, understanding, and confidence.
*A: action (what we're doing now), ambition (what we want to achieve), aspiration (what we want to become)
*The gift of aspiring such as a self-cultivation project then becomes a part of your identity and builds for the rest of your life if you want it to.
*Feynman's quote: "Fall in love with some activity, and do it! Nearly everything is really interesting if you go into it deeply enough. Work as hard and as much as you want to on the things you like to do the best. Don't think about what you want to be, but what you want to do. Keep up some kind of a minimum with other things so that society doesn't stop you from doing anything at all".
*Specialize!
October 20, 2022
** Buddhism for Eternal Life **
The Earned Life (2022) poses a simple yet profound question: Why does a life of constant achievement often leave us feeling empty? The answer can be found in ancient Buddhist wisdom: it’s not meeting ambitious goals but rather working on meaningful goals that really brings fulfillment and happiness.
Marshall Goldsmith has been recognized as the world’s leading executive coach and the New York Times bestselling author of many books, including What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, Mojo, and Triggers. He received his Ph.D. from the UCLA Anderson School of Management. In his coaching practice, Goldsmith has advised more than two hundred major CEOs and their management teams. He and his wife live in Nashville, Tennessee.
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A new way of thinking about fulfillment.
Buddhism teaches that the only reality is the present. Marshall Goldsmith, the author of The Earned Life, argues that this insight isn’t just useful for spiritual seekers – it can help all of us lead more fulfilling lives.
That’s because a lot of us suffer from a distorted view of happiness. We think there’s a goal out there that will make us happy when we achieve it. For some, that goal has to do with status; for others it’s about money or relationships. Whatever it is, we usually find out that those things don’t really bring lasting happiness. And then we’re back on the treadmill, looking to achieve new goals.
All of this searching and striving doesn’t really get us anywhere. So what’s a better alternative? Well, to follow Buddhist wisdom is to learn to value the present. Fulfillment isn’t something to be sought in the future. And it’s not a box to be ticked; it’s a process. In short, we have to start looking for it in the here and now.
In this book, we’ll be unpacking Goldsmith’s argument and looking at exercises that will help you put that new perspective into action right away.
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You don’t have to be a Buddhist to profit from the Buddha’s wisdom.
Many centuries ago, a sage from South Asia had a revelation. Life, he realized, is impermanent. Nothing lasts. Pleasure and happiness are fleeting. So, too, are our dreams and sorrows.
For the Buddha – that was the name of this sage – life was constant change. Renewal. Every breath we take, he said, transforms us; we become different people from moment to moment. The only true reality, he concluded, is the present. The past belongs to a past you, and the future to your future self.
The Earned Life isn’t about Buddhism – and neither is this book. But the author suggests that we treat the Buddha’s insight as a kind of thought experiment. What if you assumed he was right? What if, just for the sake of this mental exercise, you looked at the world through his eyes?
Here’s his bet: this Buddhist paradigm can help everyone, Buddhist and non-Buddhist alike, to think more clearly about what it means to lead a fulfilling life.
That’s because so many of us are trapped in what he calls the Western paradigm – a view of the world which denies impermanence. The view that says you’ll always be the same person, no matter what happens. That imagines there’s a single answer to all the questions that gnaw at you. That implies there’s a path to permanent happiness – a path that solves all of life’s riddles.
The Western paradigm, in short, promises that you’ll be happy when . . . well, what? In the end, you can’t escape the reality of impermanence. The goal posts keep shifting. That dream house could be bigger. Or smaller. Or closer to your grandkids. The promotion you hoped for doesn’t bring you the status you crave; the pay raise you fought for only makes you realize what money can’t buy. There’s always another goal – the next big thing that’ll really make you happy.
Endlessly pursuing such shifting goals, the Buddha thought, turns us into “hungry ghosts.” We’re ravenous, but nothing fills – or fulfills – us. That’s a paradoxical, futile, and miserable way to live.
So what’s the alternative, and what do Buddhist teachings about impermanence have to do with it?
Here’s The Earned Life’s take: accepting that everything grows and fades unlocks a powerful tool for personal development. Why is that? Well, for one, it’s a license to move on. When you come to see that the person you have been isn’t all that you can be, you open yourself to new adventures. But that acceptance also attunes you to the present by giving you a powerful motive to be better now.
Your achievements, your good reputation, the reciprocated love of the people you love – everything is impermanent. All of it can fade. Such things, then, aren’t “possessions.” You can’t lock them up for safekeeping. You can’t take them to the bank. You can’t invest them and live off the interest. They have to be re-earned. Constantly. Every day, every hour, and perhaps even with every breath. And that, really, is the most important takeaway here: there’s no point at which we finish earning our lives. Not until the moment we stop breathing.
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Pay homage to the past you, but don’t rest on old achievements.
So much for the theory. Let’s shift gears and make things a little more tangible. Let’s try an exercise.
To focus on the present doesn’t mean forgetting the past; you’re not throwing every trace of the past down the memory hole. What it’s really about is learning to recognize that there’s a distinction between your past and present selves. That the paths you chose in the past don’t dictate which paths you choose to travel today. So let’s honor the past you – and then move on.
You’ll be writing two letters for this exercise, and the first is addressed to the past you. This letter is your chance to show gratitude to that past self.
Think back to your achievements. To moments of discipline, creativity, and hard work. To the choices that made you the person you are today. It doesn’t matter if it’s something from the distant or recent past – the key is that it’s something you earned, not something that fell into your lap.
To give you something to work with, here are some of the things the author’s clients have thanked their past selves for when they did this exercise. One man, for example, thanked himself for going vegan eight years earlier – a decision he credited for his present good health. Another thanked his 18-year-old self for picking the college where he met his wife. A writer, meanwhile, thanked her 10-year-old self for deciding to look up every new word she encountered. That small habit taught her the value of keeping notebooks – a vital part of her job as a writer.
Often, you’ll discover forgotten cause-and-effect links between the past and present. As the cliché has it, we all stand on the shoulders of giants. You might just realize that you, too, were a giant. Take a deep breath, and start writing. Thank yourself for all the gifts the past you gave to the present you. Now take another deep breath. It’s time to talk about a new you – the future you.
Your next task is to write a letter from the present to that future self. To the person you will be next year, or in 5, 10, or 20 years. This letter is about showing your future self that you’re not content to remain as you are right now. That you’re investing in who you will become.
So what investments are you making in your future? You’ll want to think about big, obvious things like your career – but don’t restrict yourself to what seems obvious. Knowledge, skills, relationships, and health matter, too. Maybe you’re meditating because it clears your mind. Or cooking because it’s a great creative outlet. Or maybe you’re making an effort to meet new people. Whatever it is, get it down on paper. Focus your mind on the efforts you’re making today that’ll bring you and the people you love the greatest return in the future.
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Basic questions can elicit profound answers.
Scientists guess that we make about 35,000 decisions a day. That’s a ballpark figure, but it gets at an important truth: choices account for a huge part of the mental energy we expend each day.
Lots of decisions are trivial. This morning, for example, you probably made dozens – even hundreds – of choices that were pretty inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Maybe you decided what temperature you wanted your shower to be. Or you chose to put milk in your coffee rather than taking it black like usual. Or to walk instead of taking the bus. To check your mailbox when you get back later rather than on your way out . . . .
These are low-stakes decisions, but they still take up time and energy; you have to think about them. Add in the more consequential decisions that occupy your brain – decisions about getting married, or buying a house, or saving for your pension – and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Constantly deciding is exhausting. Where, then, are you supposed to find the mental energy and resources to make the most consequential decision of all – choosing to lead an earned life? Where, with all that choice, do you even begin? Here’s the author’s idea: reduce complexity. Ask yourself basic questions.
“What do I want to do with my life?” isn’t a basic question. “What can I do that’s meaningful?” or “What would make me happy” aren’t basic questions, either. These are deep, multifaceted queries that don’t have quick or easy answers – they take a lifetime to answer. Basic questions, by contrast, address a single factor. That’s what makes them so powerful. Major life decisions, after all, rarely require six or seven supporting reasons – one’s usually enough. We marry people because we love them, and that simple explanation steamrolls every other reason, for or against.
“Do you love him?” is a basic question. So is “Will this work?” or “Can I afford this?” These simply phrased questions force you to confront the facts. Your abilities and intentions. They demand deep, soulful, and simple answers. In short, they reveal the truth. “Do you love him?” is a yes-or-no question. Answer it honestly, and everything becomes clear. Basic questions give you clarity.
In his work with clients struggling to decide on their next move in life, the author has found that one basic question is particularly helpful at getting to the heart of things: “Where do you want to live?” It’s so basic – so obvious – that people rarely stop to think about it. But everyone has an answer. An idea of where their ideal life takes place. You can probably name that place with little hesitation.
Don’t stop there, though. This is where things get interesting.
What would you do all day in this place? Can you find fulfilling work? Will that work support your ideal lifestyle? Would the people you love be happy if you moved there? Is it somewhere you can raise a family? Is it somewhere you can meet inspiring people? Does it matter if you can’t? Once you start fleshing out the details, you’ll see a picture of your real priorities and desires emerging – of what you really want and how closely your current life resembles that ideal. That’s clarity.
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Aspiration is more fulfilling than ambition.
What lies between the present (the person you are now) and the future (the person you wish to become)? What bridges the gap between those selves? How, in other words, does change happen?
Those are pretty philosophical questions, so let’s ask the American philosopher Agnes Callard for some help. Her answer is that aspiration drives that transformation. Let’s break this down.
There’s no hard stop at which one phase of life ends and another begins. You don’t become a new person on any single day. It’s a gradual and long process.
Callard asks us to think of the life-altering decision to have a child to illustrate her point. Before we become parents, we’re free to enjoy our childlessness. We can work long hours to advance our careers, or stay up late talking with friends, or go rock climbing on weekends. Having a child changes that equation: there’s less time to do whatever we like. We might worry about coming to resent the loss of our carefree former selves. But we can’t be sure. We can’t know how fulfilling it is to cradle our newborn children, or take care of any of the many baby duties our pre-parental selves dreaded.
Becoming a parent isn’t a single, discrete event, however. Even the decision to have a child is only the start of the journey. Between childlessness and parenthood lies the aspiration to become a parent. During the months of pregnancy, we try on the emotions and values we hope to hold one day. In Callard’s words, we have an “anticipatory and indirect grasp” of the goodness to which we aspire. For her, there’s something heroic about aspiration. There’s no guarantee, after all, that we’ll get what we expected to get – or that we’ll be happy with it when we do.
But aspiration isn’t about end points or achieved goals. What it really refers to is the way we come to care about new things. It’s about having the agency to choose new values and learn new skills and acquire new knowledge. That’s what fuels our transformation. We set out on a journey not knowing where it will lead us – only that undertaking it will change who we are.
This is the aspirational act, the act of bridging the gap between our old selves who had an intention and our new selves who are realizing that intention. Callard’s conclusion is that this journey is one of the keys to fulfillment. Why? Well, let’s compare aspiration to ambition.
Ambition gives us goals to achieve: a promotion to strive for, a marathon to run, a competition to win. Achieving those goals makes us happy – for a while, anyway. But we can’t put that sense of triumph in a display case like a trophy. Soon, it fades and disappears. Like hungry ghosts, we’re soon off looking for the next meal – the thing that will bring us lasting happiness.
Aspiration is different. To stick with Callard’s example, there’s no day on which we can tick the box and say that we’ve achieved the goal of being parents. To be a parent is an act of constantly becoming a parent – of rising to new challenges, accepting new setbacks, and responding to new phases. That, Callard thinks, is why aspiration is fulfilling. It roots us in the present and aligns us with the reality of impermanence. It makes us realize that we become a new person with each breath.
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Resolving dichotomies can help you choose realistic aspirations.
So, what do you aspire to? Let’s wrap things up with an exercise.
One of the author’s friends, the Turkish designer Ayse Birsel, once said that if she were stranded on a desert island and could choose just one creative tool, it’d be dichotomy resolution.
Dichotomy resolution is the part of product design that resolves either/or quandaries. For example, should a new car (or vacuum cleaner or coffee maker) be modern or classic, small or functional, a standalone or part of a series? Sometimes, dichotomies aren’t necessarily contradictions: you can reproduce a classic design with modern materials, thus resolving the tension.
But lots of dichotomies in everyday life resist integration. We tend to be optimists or pessimists, joiners or loners. We can’t be both – we have to pick one or the other. This brings us to the aspiration process: Which side of those dichotomies should you choose? Unless you want to completely flip your personality, your best bet is to tailor your aspirations to your personality – to the bundle of preferences, quirks, and virtues that make you who you are.
So here’s an exercise that will help you do just that.
The first step is simple: write down as many interesting dichotomies as you can think of. To get you started, here are some common ones that crop up in life. Are you a glass-half-full or a glass-half-empty kind of person? Conservative or progressive? Trusting or suspicious? Do you value reason or feeling more? Does money matter or not? Are you quiet or loud? A people pleaser or a go-it-alone type? Ironic or sincere? Do you prefer instant or delayed gratification? Do you confront problems or avoid them?
Now go through your list and cross out every dichotomy that doesn’t apply to your personality or play a role in your life. What’s left? The final step of the exercise is to go over the remaining dichotomies and cross out the side of the pairing that doesn’t apply. For example, if the leader-versus-follower dichotomy is an important part of your life, decide which side of the equation fits you.
The words left on your list should give you a good idea of your defining qualities. The qualities which influence both what you aspire to and whether you’ll be willing to earn that aspiration. If you’re feeling brave, show this list to the person who knows you best. Do they agree, or have you skirted the truth? Remember, this exercise is only helpful if you’re honest with yourself.
If you’ve been honest, you’ll now have a strong sense of what kind of aspirations will work for you. This is your blueprint for an earned life.
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The earned life is a life in which the choices and effort we make in each moment align with a greater sense of purpose, regardless of the eventual. outcome.
The Earned Life (2022) poses a simple yet profound question: Why does a life of constant achievement often leave us feeling empty? The answer can be found in ancient Buddhist wisdom: it’s not meeting ambitious goals but rather working on meaningful goals that really brings fulfillment and happiness.
Marshall Goldsmith has been recognized as the world’s leading executive coach and the New York Times bestselling author of many books, including What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, Mojo, and Triggers. He received his Ph.D. from the UCLA Anderson School of Management. In his coaching practice, Goldsmith has advised more than two hundred major CEOs and their management teams. He and his wife live in Nashville, Tennessee.
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A new way of thinking about fulfillment.
Buddhism teaches that the only reality is the present. Marshall Goldsmith, the author of The Earned Life, argues that this insight isn’t just useful for spiritual seekers – it can help all of us lead more fulfilling lives.
That’s because a lot of us suffer from a distorted view of happiness. We think there’s a goal out there that will make us happy when we achieve it. For some, that goal has to do with status; for others it’s about money or relationships. Whatever it is, we usually find out that those things don’t really bring lasting happiness. And then we’re back on the treadmill, looking to achieve new goals.
All of this searching and striving doesn’t really get us anywhere. So what’s a better alternative? Well, to follow Buddhist wisdom is to learn to value the present. Fulfillment isn’t something to be sought in the future. And it’s not a box to be ticked; it’s a process. In short, we have to start looking for it in the here and now.
In this book, we’ll be unpacking Goldsmith’s argument and looking at exercises that will help you put that new perspective into action right away.
---
You don’t have to be a Buddhist to profit from the Buddha’s wisdom.
Many centuries ago, a sage from South Asia had a revelation. Life, he realized, is impermanent. Nothing lasts. Pleasure and happiness are fleeting. So, too, are our dreams and sorrows.
For the Buddha – that was the name of this sage – life was constant change. Renewal. Every breath we take, he said, transforms us; we become different people from moment to moment. The only true reality, he concluded, is the present. The past belongs to a past you, and the future to your future self.
The Earned Life isn’t about Buddhism – and neither is this book. But the author suggests that we treat the Buddha’s insight as a kind of thought experiment. What if you assumed he was right? What if, just for the sake of this mental exercise, you looked at the world through his eyes?
Here’s his bet: this Buddhist paradigm can help everyone, Buddhist and non-Buddhist alike, to think more clearly about what it means to lead a fulfilling life.
That’s because so many of us are trapped in what he calls the Western paradigm – a view of the world which denies impermanence. The view that says you’ll always be the same person, no matter what happens. That imagines there’s a single answer to all the questions that gnaw at you. That implies there’s a path to permanent happiness – a path that solves all of life’s riddles.
The Western paradigm, in short, promises that you’ll be happy when . . . well, what? In the end, you can’t escape the reality of impermanence. The goal posts keep shifting. That dream house could be bigger. Or smaller. Or closer to your grandkids. The promotion you hoped for doesn’t bring you the status you crave; the pay raise you fought for only makes you realize what money can’t buy. There’s always another goal – the next big thing that’ll really make you happy.
Endlessly pursuing such shifting goals, the Buddha thought, turns us into “hungry ghosts.” We’re ravenous, but nothing fills – or fulfills – us. That’s a paradoxical, futile, and miserable way to live.
So what’s the alternative, and what do Buddhist teachings about impermanence have to do with it?
Here’s The Earned Life’s take: accepting that everything grows and fades unlocks a powerful tool for personal development. Why is that? Well, for one, it’s a license to move on. When you come to see that the person you have been isn’t all that you can be, you open yourself to new adventures. But that acceptance also attunes you to the present by giving you a powerful motive to be better now.
Your achievements, your good reputation, the reciprocated love of the people you love – everything is impermanent. All of it can fade. Such things, then, aren’t “possessions.” You can’t lock them up for safekeeping. You can’t take them to the bank. You can’t invest them and live off the interest. They have to be re-earned. Constantly. Every day, every hour, and perhaps even with every breath. And that, really, is the most important takeaway here: there’s no point at which we finish earning our lives. Not until the moment we stop breathing.
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Pay homage to the past you, but don’t rest on old achievements.
So much for the theory. Let’s shift gears and make things a little more tangible. Let’s try an exercise.
To focus on the present doesn’t mean forgetting the past; you’re not throwing every trace of the past down the memory hole. What it’s really about is learning to recognize that there’s a distinction between your past and present selves. That the paths you chose in the past don’t dictate which paths you choose to travel today. So let’s honor the past you – and then move on.
You’ll be writing two letters for this exercise, and the first is addressed to the past you. This letter is your chance to show gratitude to that past self.
Think back to your achievements. To moments of discipline, creativity, and hard work. To the choices that made you the person you are today. It doesn’t matter if it’s something from the distant or recent past – the key is that it’s something you earned, not something that fell into your lap.
To give you something to work with, here are some of the things the author’s clients have thanked their past selves for when they did this exercise. One man, for example, thanked himself for going vegan eight years earlier – a decision he credited for his present good health. Another thanked his 18-year-old self for picking the college where he met his wife. A writer, meanwhile, thanked her 10-year-old self for deciding to look up every new word she encountered. That small habit taught her the value of keeping notebooks – a vital part of her job as a writer.
Often, you’ll discover forgotten cause-and-effect links between the past and present. As the cliché has it, we all stand on the shoulders of giants. You might just realize that you, too, were a giant. Take a deep breath, and start writing. Thank yourself for all the gifts the past you gave to the present you. Now take another deep breath. It’s time to talk about a new you – the future you.
Your next task is to write a letter from the present to that future self. To the person you will be next year, or in 5, 10, or 20 years. This letter is about showing your future self that you’re not content to remain as you are right now. That you’re investing in who you will become.
So what investments are you making in your future? You’ll want to think about big, obvious things like your career – but don’t restrict yourself to what seems obvious. Knowledge, skills, relationships, and health matter, too. Maybe you’re meditating because it clears your mind. Or cooking because it’s a great creative outlet. Or maybe you’re making an effort to meet new people. Whatever it is, get it down on paper. Focus your mind on the efforts you’re making today that’ll bring you and the people you love the greatest return in the future.
---
Basic questions can elicit profound answers.
Scientists guess that we make about 35,000 decisions a day. That’s a ballpark figure, but it gets at an important truth: choices account for a huge part of the mental energy we expend each day.
Lots of decisions are trivial. This morning, for example, you probably made dozens – even hundreds – of choices that were pretty inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. Maybe you decided what temperature you wanted your shower to be. Or you chose to put milk in your coffee rather than taking it black like usual. Or to walk instead of taking the bus. To check your mailbox when you get back later rather than on your way out . . . .
These are low-stakes decisions, but they still take up time and energy; you have to think about them. Add in the more consequential decisions that occupy your brain – decisions about getting married, or buying a house, or saving for your pension – and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Constantly deciding is exhausting. Where, then, are you supposed to find the mental energy and resources to make the most consequential decision of all – choosing to lead an earned life? Where, with all that choice, do you even begin? Here’s the author’s idea: reduce complexity. Ask yourself basic questions.
“What do I want to do with my life?” isn’t a basic question. “What can I do that’s meaningful?” or “What would make me happy” aren’t basic questions, either. These are deep, multifaceted queries that don’t have quick or easy answers – they take a lifetime to answer. Basic questions, by contrast, address a single factor. That’s what makes them so powerful. Major life decisions, after all, rarely require six or seven supporting reasons – one’s usually enough. We marry people because we love them, and that simple explanation steamrolls every other reason, for or against.
“Do you love him?” is a basic question. So is “Will this work?” or “Can I afford this?” These simply phrased questions force you to confront the facts. Your abilities and intentions. They demand deep, soulful, and simple answers. In short, they reveal the truth. “Do you love him?” is a yes-or-no question. Answer it honestly, and everything becomes clear. Basic questions give you clarity.
In his work with clients struggling to decide on their next move in life, the author has found that one basic question is particularly helpful at getting to the heart of things: “Where do you want to live?” It’s so basic – so obvious – that people rarely stop to think about it. But everyone has an answer. An idea of where their ideal life takes place. You can probably name that place with little hesitation.
Don’t stop there, though. This is where things get interesting.
What would you do all day in this place? Can you find fulfilling work? Will that work support your ideal lifestyle? Would the people you love be happy if you moved there? Is it somewhere you can raise a family? Is it somewhere you can meet inspiring people? Does it matter if you can’t? Once you start fleshing out the details, you’ll see a picture of your real priorities and desires emerging – of what you really want and how closely your current life resembles that ideal. That’s clarity.
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Aspiration is more fulfilling than ambition.
What lies between the present (the person you are now) and the future (the person you wish to become)? What bridges the gap between those selves? How, in other words, does change happen?
Those are pretty philosophical questions, so let’s ask the American philosopher Agnes Callard for some help. Her answer is that aspiration drives that transformation. Let’s break this down.
There’s no hard stop at which one phase of life ends and another begins. You don’t become a new person on any single day. It’s a gradual and long process.
Callard asks us to think of the life-altering decision to have a child to illustrate her point. Before we become parents, we’re free to enjoy our childlessness. We can work long hours to advance our careers, or stay up late talking with friends, or go rock climbing on weekends. Having a child changes that equation: there’s less time to do whatever we like. We might worry about coming to resent the loss of our carefree former selves. But we can’t be sure. We can’t know how fulfilling it is to cradle our newborn children, or take care of any of the many baby duties our pre-parental selves dreaded.
Becoming a parent isn’t a single, discrete event, however. Even the decision to have a child is only the start of the journey. Between childlessness and parenthood lies the aspiration to become a parent. During the months of pregnancy, we try on the emotions and values we hope to hold one day. In Callard’s words, we have an “anticipatory and indirect grasp” of the goodness to which we aspire. For her, there’s something heroic about aspiration. There’s no guarantee, after all, that we’ll get what we expected to get – or that we’ll be happy with it when we do.
But aspiration isn’t about end points or achieved goals. What it really refers to is the way we come to care about new things. It’s about having the agency to choose new values and learn new skills and acquire new knowledge. That’s what fuels our transformation. We set out on a journey not knowing where it will lead us – only that undertaking it will change who we are.
This is the aspirational act, the act of bridging the gap between our old selves who had an intention and our new selves who are realizing that intention. Callard’s conclusion is that this journey is one of the keys to fulfillment. Why? Well, let’s compare aspiration to ambition.
Ambition gives us goals to achieve: a promotion to strive for, a marathon to run, a competition to win. Achieving those goals makes us happy – for a while, anyway. But we can’t put that sense of triumph in a display case like a trophy. Soon, it fades and disappears. Like hungry ghosts, we’re soon off looking for the next meal – the thing that will bring us lasting happiness.
Aspiration is different. To stick with Callard’s example, there’s no day on which we can tick the box and say that we’ve achieved the goal of being parents. To be a parent is an act of constantly becoming a parent – of rising to new challenges, accepting new setbacks, and responding to new phases. That, Callard thinks, is why aspiration is fulfilling. It roots us in the present and aligns us with the reality of impermanence. It makes us realize that we become a new person with each breath.
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Resolving dichotomies can help you choose realistic aspirations.
So, what do you aspire to? Let’s wrap things up with an exercise.
One of the author’s friends, the Turkish designer Ayse Birsel, once said that if she were stranded on a desert island and could choose just one creative tool, it’d be dichotomy resolution.
Dichotomy resolution is the part of product design that resolves either/or quandaries. For example, should a new car (or vacuum cleaner or coffee maker) be modern or classic, small or functional, a standalone or part of a series? Sometimes, dichotomies aren’t necessarily contradictions: you can reproduce a classic design with modern materials, thus resolving the tension.
But lots of dichotomies in everyday life resist integration. We tend to be optimists or pessimists, joiners or loners. We can’t be both – we have to pick one or the other. This brings us to the aspiration process: Which side of those dichotomies should you choose? Unless you want to completely flip your personality, your best bet is to tailor your aspirations to your personality – to the bundle of preferences, quirks, and virtues that make you who you are.
So here’s an exercise that will help you do just that.
The first step is simple: write down as many interesting dichotomies as you can think of. To get you started, here are some common ones that crop up in life. Are you a glass-half-full or a glass-half-empty kind of person? Conservative or progressive? Trusting or suspicious? Do you value reason or feeling more? Does money matter or not? Are you quiet or loud? A people pleaser or a go-it-alone type? Ironic or sincere? Do you prefer instant or delayed gratification? Do you confront problems or avoid them?
Now go through your list and cross out every dichotomy that doesn’t apply to your personality or play a role in your life. What’s left? The final step of the exercise is to go over the remaining dichotomies and cross out the side of the pairing that doesn’t apply. For example, if the leader-versus-follower dichotomy is an important part of your life, decide which side of the equation fits you.
The words left on your list should give you a good idea of your defining qualities. The qualities which influence both what you aspire to and whether you’ll be willing to earn that aspiration. If you’re feeling brave, show this list to the person who knows you best. Do they agree, or have you skirted the truth? Remember, this exercise is only helpful if you’re honest with yourself.
If you’ve been honest, you’ll now have a strong sense of what kind of aspirations will work for you. This is your blueprint for an earned life.
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The earned life is a life in which the choices and effort we make in each moment align with a greater sense of purpose, regardless of the eventual. outcome.
August 22, 2023
4,5 stars; sensible advice on how to live a purposeful, rewarding life; a lot of open doors but overall remarkably well thought through and put together.
December 17, 2022
This book is at odds with Dan Pink's book Regret (which I enjoyed better). This book claims that Regret is the polar opposite of Fulfillment - “Regret is a devilish cocktail of agency and imagination that is totally within our control in terms of how often we invite it into our lives and how long we let it stick around.” I agree: Regret is inevitable, but its frequency can be reduced. The primary theme presented in this book is how to achieve a life of fulfillment when our choices, risks, and effort we make in each moment align with an overarching purpose in our lives, regardless of the eventual outcome. Here are elements that I summarized:
Choosing the life – one that is truly earned - has three requirements of us: we make our best choice supported by the facts and the clarity of our goals (We know what we want and how far we need to go). We accept the risk involved, and we put out maximum effort.
The emotional lift we get from an earned reward is fleeting. Our sense of fulfillment and happiness simply doesn’t last. An earned reward not connected to a higher purpose is a hollow achievement.
The barriers holding us back in our choices and actions, frustrating our will to live our own life, begin with these: inertia; our programming (someway by our parents and program our self image) locks us in place; we are undone by obligation; we suffer from a failure of imagination; we are winded by the pace of change, diluting ourselves in pointless nostalgia; living vicariously through others, because of social media and technological distractions; foolishly believing there’s not enough time to achieve our next dream – that we have run out of runway.
The building blocks of discipline:
1. Compliance reflects our adherence to an external policy or a rule.
2. Accountability is our response to expectations we impose upon ourselves. When our intentions are public, and out in the open, the stakes are higher. Visibility elevates accountability.
3. Follow up - like it or not, follow up is a valuable process that heightens our self-awareness. It forces us to assess our progress honestly.
4. Measurement – what we measure drives out what we don’t.
The book talks about the lost art of asking for help; that there is a myth of the self-made individual. Too many of us try to go it alone. We are ashamed to seek help because doing so will expose our ignorance or incompetence. The book proclaims: “If you are left with one piece of advice to increase your probability of creating an earned life, it is: Ask for help. You need it more than you know.”
Key take-aways:
Do what you do with a clearly expressed purpose.
Be present with the people in your life. Accomplishing something with the help of a chosen community is more meaningful and useful.
We need a strategy anchored in both self-awareness and situational awareness to sustain our urgency and avoid burn out – until earning has become your habit.
“The reward of living an earned life is being engaged in the process of constantly earning such a life.”
Choosing the life – one that is truly earned - has three requirements of us: we make our best choice supported by the facts and the clarity of our goals (We know what we want and how far we need to go). We accept the risk involved, and we put out maximum effort.
The emotional lift we get from an earned reward is fleeting. Our sense of fulfillment and happiness simply doesn’t last. An earned reward not connected to a higher purpose is a hollow achievement.
The barriers holding us back in our choices and actions, frustrating our will to live our own life, begin with these: inertia; our programming (someway by our parents and program our self image) locks us in place; we are undone by obligation; we suffer from a failure of imagination; we are winded by the pace of change, diluting ourselves in pointless nostalgia; living vicariously through others, because of social media and technological distractions; foolishly believing there’s not enough time to achieve our next dream – that we have run out of runway.
The building blocks of discipline:
1. Compliance reflects our adherence to an external policy or a rule.
2. Accountability is our response to expectations we impose upon ourselves. When our intentions are public, and out in the open, the stakes are higher. Visibility elevates accountability.
3. Follow up - like it or not, follow up is a valuable process that heightens our self-awareness. It forces us to assess our progress honestly.
4. Measurement – what we measure drives out what we don’t.
The book talks about the lost art of asking for help; that there is a myth of the self-made individual. Too many of us try to go it alone. We are ashamed to seek help because doing so will expose our ignorance or incompetence. The book proclaims: “If you are left with one piece of advice to increase your probability of creating an earned life, it is: Ask for help. You need it more than you know.”
Key take-aways:
Do what you do with a clearly expressed purpose.
Be present with the people in your life. Accomplishing something with the help of a chosen community is more meaningful and useful.
We need a strategy anchored in both self-awareness and situational awareness to sustain our urgency and avoid burn out – until earning has become your habit.
“The reward of living an earned life is being engaged in the process of constantly earning such a life.”
October 7, 2022
The secret of an earned life is that it is lived at the extremes. We need to maximize what we need to do and also minimize what is unnecessary.
Marshall's business card could read "Structure Consultant."
The difference between teaching and coaching is the difference between "I want to learn" and "I need help to get better and better."
** Marshall's Model(s)
Action: what we are doing now
Ambition: what we want to achieve (time bound, achievement often leads to new goals)
Aspiration: who we want to become (lacks a clearly marked finish line)
As[iration seems to be a combination of identity and purpose
Because of goal obsession, some executives neglect the people they claim they're working for, namely, the people they love. They get lose in their Ambition.
OTG is one trick genius (specialization)
** How We Earn or the Building Blocks of Discipline
Compliance
Accountability
Follow up
Measurement
Community
** Credibility Must be Earned Twice (p225)
It's one thing to be competent, it's another thing to be recognized for it.
** Definitions
Regret is the polar opposite of fufillment
Defined by Kathryn Schulz in her 2011 TED talk as "the emotion we experience when we think our present situation could be better or happier if we had done something different in the past."
We are living an earned life when the choices, risks and effort we make in each moment align with an overarching purpose in our lives, regardless of the eventual outcome.
** Leaving a Big Job (p17)
Indispensability argument: The organization needs me.
Winner's argument: We're on a hot streak. It's too soon to quit.
The no place to go argument: I have no idea what I want to do next.
Easy question is to ask where people want to live afterwards
** Referent Groups (p18)
Dr. Roosevelt Thomas Jr, Havard PhD in organizational behavior
If you know a person's referent group (to whom or what they feel deeply connected, whom they want to impress, whose respect they crave), you can understand why they talk and think and behave the way the do.
** Inertia (p21)
Our default response in life is not to experience meaning or happiness. Our default response is to experience inertia.
Intertia is an active event in which we are persisting in the state we're already in rather than switching to something else.
** Parents (p24)
All of us are progammed in some way by our parents. More than anything else, they program our self-image.
Parents are focused on clues about talents and potential and this can limiting or self-reinforcing.
** Motivation
Need to distinguish between motivation and the actual doing of the specific tasks required to achieve goals
Motivation is often confused with desire to achieve something
Fortunately, you can have more than one motivation
** Ideas
Finding adjacencies to current job or skills
Most times, when choosing the difficult path, you're automatically eliminating other options, including the sure thing. This is "paying the price."
The only times when instant gratification (versus delayed gratification, aka the marshmallow test) makes sense is when you are young without a sense of disappearing time. And then again when you are old because the gap between you in the present versus the future narrows. It's time to accept who you are and cash in your chips.
** 100 Coaches
Usually maxes at eight clients in busiest years
Was managing 25 with first iteration of 100 coaches (up from original plan of 15)
** Life Plan Review (p153)
Did I do my best to:
1. Set clear goals?
2. Make progress toward achieving my goals?
3. Find meaning?
4. Be happy?
5. Maintain and build positive relationships?
6. Be fully engaged?
Express gratitude?
Forgive previous versions of me?
** Empathy
Empathy of understanding, also called cognitive empathy (being able to get into someone's headspace)
Empathy of feeling is experiencing the other person's emotional state
Empathy of caring is related to how the other person feels and not focused on the event that causes the emotions (feelings versus events themselves)
Empathy of doing to take action to make a change (rarest of all forms)
** Transitions (p187)
Bill Bridges 1979 book Transitions
"The transition process does not depend on there being a replacement reality waiting in the wings. You are in transition automatically when some part of your life ends."
** Quotes
"The pace of change you are experiencing today is the slowest pace of change you will ever experience for the rest of your life."
Distracted from distraction by distraction" (T.S. Eliot)
"College, after all, is where we go to reinvent ourselves, to sever our ties with the past, to become the person we always wanted to be and were prevented from being by people who knew better.
College is like entering the witness-protection program. You’re supposed to try on a new identity or two. Indeed, it would not only defeat the purpose, it would be downright dangerous to leave the program easily recognizable as the person who’d entered it." (Richard Russo)
"Fall in love with some activity, and do it! Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn't matter. Explore the world. Nearly everything is really interesting if you go into it deeply enough. Work as hard and as much as you want to on the things you like to do the best. Don't think about what you want to be, but what you want to do. Keep up some kind of a minimum with other things so that society doesn't stop you from doing anything at all."
"As a father, I can only be as happy as my least happy child."
** Miscellaneous
Curtis Martin's NFL Hall of Fame Speech in 2012
Running out of runway for fine wines in his mid-sixties, story of Joe calling Angelo Gaja (p31)
Marshall's mother was an elementary school teacher in rural Kentucky and she gave letter grades in three categories (Achievement, Effort and Conduct)
Marshall's business card could read "Structure Consultant."
The difference between teaching and coaching is the difference between "I want to learn" and "I need help to get better and better."
** Marshall's Model(s)
Action: what we are doing now
Ambition: what we want to achieve (time bound, achievement often leads to new goals)
Aspiration: who we want to become (lacks a clearly marked finish line)
As[iration seems to be a combination of identity and purpose
Because of goal obsession, some executives neglect the people they claim they're working for, namely, the people they love. They get lose in their Ambition.
OTG is one trick genius (specialization)
** How We Earn or the Building Blocks of Discipline
Compliance
Accountability
Follow up
Measurement
Community
** Credibility Must be Earned Twice (p225)
It's one thing to be competent, it's another thing to be recognized for it.
** Definitions
Regret is the polar opposite of fufillment
Defined by Kathryn Schulz in her 2011 TED talk as "the emotion we experience when we think our present situation could be better or happier if we had done something different in the past."
We are living an earned life when the choices, risks and effort we make in each moment align with an overarching purpose in our lives, regardless of the eventual outcome.
** Leaving a Big Job (p17)
Indispensability argument: The organization needs me.
Winner's argument: We're on a hot streak. It's too soon to quit.
The no place to go argument: I have no idea what I want to do next.
Easy question is to ask where people want to live afterwards
** Referent Groups (p18)
Dr. Roosevelt Thomas Jr, Havard PhD in organizational behavior
If you know a person's referent group (to whom or what they feel deeply connected, whom they want to impress, whose respect they crave), you can understand why they talk and think and behave the way the do.
** Inertia (p21)
Our default response in life is not to experience meaning or happiness. Our default response is to experience inertia.
Intertia is an active event in which we are persisting in the state we're already in rather than switching to something else.
** Parents (p24)
All of us are progammed in some way by our parents. More than anything else, they program our self-image.
Parents are focused on clues about talents and potential and this can limiting or self-reinforcing.
** Motivation
Need to distinguish between motivation and the actual doing of the specific tasks required to achieve goals
Motivation is often confused with desire to achieve something
Fortunately, you can have more than one motivation
** Ideas
Finding adjacencies to current job or skills
Most times, when choosing the difficult path, you're automatically eliminating other options, including the sure thing. This is "paying the price."
The only times when instant gratification (versus delayed gratification, aka the marshmallow test) makes sense is when you are young without a sense of disappearing time. And then again when you are old because the gap between you in the present versus the future narrows. It's time to accept who you are and cash in your chips.
** 100 Coaches
Usually maxes at eight clients in busiest years
Was managing 25 with first iteration of 100 coaches (up from original plan of 15)
** Life Plan Review (p153)
Did I do my best to:
1. Set clear goals?
2. Make progress toward achieving my goals?
3. Find meaning?
4. Be happy?
5. Maintain and build positive relationships?
6. Be fully engaged?
Express gratitude?
Forgive previous versions of me?
** Empathy
Empathy of understanding, also called cognitive empathy (being able to get into someone's headspace)
Empathy of feeling is experiencing the other person's emotional state
Empathy of caring is related to how the other person feels and not focused on the event that causes the emotions (feelings versus events themselves)
Empathy of doing to take action to make a change (rarest of all forms)
** Transitions (p187)
Bill Bridges 1979 book Transitions
"The transition process does not depend on there being a replacement reality waiting in the wings. You are in transition automatically when some part of your life ends."
** Quotes
"The pace of change you are experiencing today is the slowest pace of change you will ever experience for the rest of your life."
Distracted from distraction by distraction" (T.S. Eliot)
"College, after all, is where we go to reinvent ourselves, to sever our ties with the past, to become the person we always wanted to be and were prevented from being by people who knew better.
College is like entering the witness-protection program. You’re supposed to try on a new identity or two. Indeed, it would not only defeat the purpose, it would be downright dangerous to leave the program easily recognizable as the person who’d entered it." (Richard Russo)
"Fall in love with some activity, and do it! Nobody ever figures out what life is all about, and it doesn't matter. Explore the world. Nearly everything is really interesting if you go into it deeply enough. Work as hard and as much as you want to on the things you like to do the best. Don't think about what you want to be, but what you want to do. Keep up some kind of a minimum with other things so that society doesn't stop you from doing anything at all."
"As a father, I can only be as happy as my least happy child."
** Miscellaneous
Curtis Martin's NFL Hall of Fame Speech in 2012
Running out of runway for fine wines in his mid-sixties, story of Joe calling Angelo Gaja (p31)
Marshall's mother was an elementary school teacher in rural Kentucky and she gave letter grades in three categories (Achievement, Effort and Conduct)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 9, 2022
I have not completed the entire book but I have read much of it. Marshall shared portions of the book with his 100 Coaches throughout the year he was writing it so as a member who participated in these discussions and workgroups I have a deeper appreciation for what is in it and think it is another great piece of insight that will help many people. Marshall even shares how and why he created the 100 Coaches group and what he did to help the 100 Coaches during the pandemic. He peels back the curtain on a new process people can use that really makes a difference in advancing their goals and in building a supportive community of their own to live The Earned Life they desire.
June 6, 2022
This is the first book by Marshall Goldsmith that I have read. I have to admit it is packed full of life lessons on the changing behavior of a person, Choosing Risk vs Opportunity, the agency of No Choice, etc. The author also imparts some light on Buddhist concepts. I have learned a lot about maintaining discipline, letting go of the past, and making the right decisions from this book. I would recommend this book to people seeking to get the best out of those things that are under their control and start to live the purpose in their lives.
September 16, 2022
Quick ,simple and good to read.
July 3, 2022
It is a very insightful book and author as always makes you look deep within and ask your self the right questions. The book has it all - points to ponder, learning to take , stories that are relatable and action steps if you want to. There are quite a few take always and no matter what career stage or life stage you may be at , the book has something for you.
Read it and you will come out better. Marshall has done an impactful job once again .
It’s a book that one should go back to like his earlier ones often and re read the key points / chapters .
Enjoy and have a thinking reading .
Read it and you will come out better. Marshall has done an impactful job once again .
It’s a book that one should go back to like his earlier ones often and re read the key points / chapters .
Enjoy and have a thinking reading .
October 8, 2022
I was listening to a podcast with M. Goldsmith and I was so impressed, I wanted to learn more. The way he talked about coaching topics was so impressive, I had to listen to the podcast a second time. Then, I bought this book!
His mastery or concepts and ideas are like a well used trail on a beautiful coast line that meanders providing solid footing in rough terrain. At the onset, the book goes through some elements that are foundational to his coaching practice including the notion of impernance; one that I'm certainly learning to live with and fully understand.
The chapters that really hit home were the final chapters 13, 14 and 15.
Chapter 13 brought forth the notion of balancing between paying the price for living an earned life and eating the marshmallows, a notion well know but questionnable based on childrens ability to delay gratification. I like that he has a no nonsense approach that there's a price to pay, but being in the moment is your beat bet.
Chapter 14 focused on how you earn credibility. He shared that you need to earn credibility twice. First as you prove you can do it, and then after telling everyone you can do it - by continuing to do it and being reliable about it. Seth Godin likes to use being a professional (as opposed to an amateur). In this chapter he also introduces a credibility matrix. Great 2 by 2 matrix worth looking up!
Chapter 15 really hit home for me. It's called Singular Empathy and he does on to explain the different types of empathy. One sentence in particular perfectly illustrated my LOVE (caps) and hate (small) and struggles with empathy. "If empathy is a capacity to walk a mile another person shoe, we might reasonably ask why stop after a mile? Why not 2 miles? Why not forever? This is one of my bones to pick with empathy. For personal quality bathe in such a brilliant and glow of goodness, it certainly has a way of making us feel bad about ourselves." Wow. Bang on. I'm an empathetic person but it's also gotten the best of me at times. He goes to speak about singular empathy, meaning the empathy with the person you are with at the moment. That's where empathy matters - where you are!
He finished with a recap. Of the 5 recurring themes of an earned life
The first is purpose. Anything we do is more elevated, more exciting, and more connected to who we want to become if we do it with a clearly expressed purpose. The expressed part makes a huge difference.
The second is presents. This is The Impossible asked to be present with the people in our lives rather than missing an action. Although we can never achieve the summit of being present at all times, it's still the mountain we should never stop climbing.
The third is community. Accomplishing something with the help of a chosen Community resonates more resounding Lee, affects more people, and is often an improvement on the solo act because of the contribution of the menu. Would you rather be a soloist or sing with the choir behind you?
The fourth is impermanence. Nothing lasts, neither our happiness nor day nor anything else.
The fifth is results. The ink here has not been to help you become a better at achieving a result. It has been to help you try your best to reach a goal. If you try your best, you have not failed, regardless of the results.
Awesome book. I'll re-read this book again. I'm giving it 5 🌟stars at this point in my life!
His mastery or concepts and ideas are like a well used trail on a beautiful coast line that meanders providing solid footing in rough terrain. At the onset, the book goes through some elements that are foundational to his coaching practice including the notion of impernance; one that I'm certainly learning to live with and fully understand.
The chapters that really hit home were the final chapters 13, 14 and 15.
Chapter 13 brought forth the notion of balancing between paying the price for living an earned life and eating the marshmallows, a notion well know but questionnable based on childrens ability to delay gratification. I like that he has a no nonsense approach that there's a price to pay, but being in the moment is your beat bet.
Chapter 14 focused on how you earn credibility. He shared that you need to earn credibility twice. First as you prove you can do it, and then after telling everyone you can do it - by continuing to do it and being reliable about it. Seth Godin likes to use being a professional (as opposed to an amateur). In this chapter he also introduces a credibility matrix. Great 2 by 2 matrix worth looking up!
Chapter 15 really hit home for me. It's called Singular Empathy and he does on to explain the different types of empathy. One sentence in particular perfectly illustrated my LOVE (caps) and hate (small) and struggles with empathy. "If empathy is a capacity to walk a mile another person shoe, we might reasonably ask why stop after a mile? Why not 2 miles? Why not forever? This is one of my bones to pick with empathy. For personal quality bathe in such a brilliant and glow of goodness, it certainly has a way of making us feel bad about ourselves." Wow. Bang on. I'm an empathetic person but it's also gotten the best of me at times. He goes to speak about singular empathy, meaning the empathy with the person you are with at the moment. That's where empathy matters - where you are!
He finished with a recap. Of the 5 recurring themes of an earned life
The first is purpose. Anything we do is more elevated, more exciting, and more connected to who we want to become if we do it with a clearly expressed purpose. The expressed part makes a huge difference.
The second is presents. This is The Impossible asked to be present with the people in our lives rather than missing an action. Although we can never achieve the summit of being present at all times, it's still the mountain we should never stop climbing.
The third is community. Accomplishing something with the help of a chosen Community resonates more resounding Lee, affects more people, and is often an improvement on the solo act because of the contribution of the menu. Would you rather be a soloist or sing with the choir behind you?
The fourth is impermanence. Nothing lasts, neither our happiness nor day nor anything else.
The fifth is results. The ink here has not been to help you become a better at achieving a result. It has been to help you try your best to reach a goal. If you try your best, you have not failed, regardless of the results.
Awesome book. I'll re-read this book again. I'm giving it 5 🌟stars at this point in my life!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 11, 2022
From the title, we already understand that this is related to life that is earned after going through struggles, just like trust, which must be built, fought for (earned). We cannot gain the trust of people without going through a process. This is what Marshall Goldsmith means in this book, the point is that life must be fought for. Specifically, there are two poles that we encounter in life, namely regret (regret) which is basically because we didn't do something from the start so that it results in regret. At the other pole is fulfillment which is caused because what we have fought for has produced results or we have achieved what we want in life.
At the beginning of his book, Goldsmith talks a lot about some of his coachees. Each story tells how a person whose life is filled with regrets lives his life less peacefully, while those who always look at fulfillment from a more stable point of view because he has achieved the life he wants.
Dipidiff begins his review by quoting what the book says that there is actually something bigger than just career advancement which is generally accompanied by an increase in the quality of life both materially and mentally. The first part is about Choosing Your Life because indeed life is a choice that we must prepare carefully. There are 6 fulfillments that this book says: purpose, meaning, achievement, relationship, engagement and happiness. In fact, in a footnote, Goldsmith added that there were two things he did not mention on purpose, namely wealth and health.
The process of getting (earning) is carried out at any time, every day, throughout life. In getting one or several things from these fulfillers, there are seven obstacles:
Inertia, namely the tendency to remain in a running state even though it does not mean it is stagnant. It's like if the cycling speed is 15 km per hour, there is no desire to increase it to 16 or 17 km per hour.
Locked in a certain program or pattern.
The burden of keeping promises to others.
Imagination
Lulled and tend to see changes outside himself, while he himself is stagnant
Be amazed by the extraordinary lives of others
Feels like the time is running out to grab it.
However, there are 6 essential factors for success: motivation, ability, understanding, self-confidence, support and marketplace.
For progress in achieving it there is Triple A: Action – Ambition – Aspiration (what we want to become). The Trio of Independent Variables.
Gatot Widayanto
BREED #116
At the beginning of his book, Goldsmith talks a lot about some of his coachees. Each story tells how a person whose life is filled with regrets lives his life less peacefully, while those who always look at fulfillment from a more stable point of view because he has achieved the life he wants.
Dipidiff begins his review by quoting what the book says that there is actually something bigger than just career advancement which is generally accompanied by an increase in the quality of life both materially and mentally. The first part is about Choosing Your Life because indeed life is a choice that we must prepare carefully. There are 6 fulfillments that this book says: purpose, meaning, achievement, relationship, engagement and happiness. In fact, in a footnote, Goldsmith added that there were two things he did not mention on purpose, namely wealth and health.
The process of getting (earning) is carried out at any time, every day, throughout life. In getting one or several things from these fulfillers, there are seven obstacles:
Inertia, namely the tendency to remain in a running state even though it does not mean it is stagnant. It's like if the cycling speed is 15 km per hour, there is no desire to increase it to 16 or 17 km per hour.
Locked in a certain program or pattern.
The burden of keeping promises to others.
Imagination
Lulled and tend to see changes outside himself, while he himself is stagnant
Be amazed by the extraordinary lives of others
Feels like the time is running out to grab it.
However, there are 6 essential factors for success: motivation, ability, understanding, self-confidence, support and marketplace.
For progress in achieving it there is Triple A: Action – Ambition – Aspiration (what we want to become). The Trio of Independent Variables.
Gatot Widayanto
BREED #116
January 6, 2023
The premise of this book is that our lives toggle back and forth between "fulfillment" and "regret". When we are working toward fulfillment, we are looking for: Purpose, Meaning, Achievement, Relationships, Engagement and Happiness. We believe that if we pursue these six fulfillers, we'll land where we want and be fulfilled. Regret is the "emotion we experience when we think that our present situation could be better or happier if we had done something different in the past." To be more fulfilled, we should be open to finding fulfillment and not avoiding regret. Marshall says our lives reside on a continuum that goes between Regret and fulfillment. A person who has a satisfied mind - maximizes fulfillment and minimizes regret.
Marshall says we have an "earned life" when "the choices, risk, and effort we make in each moment align with an overarching purpose in our lives, regardless of the eventual outcome."
The earning doesn't mean you're successful, but you know what you want, you accept the risk involved and you put forth maximum effort. This book is personal for Marshall - he wrote this book during Covid. He is older, aware of his mortality and while reflecting on his life, wants to use his years to maximize his fulfillment and minimize his regrets. Marshall challenges us to think about our lives, the goals we've achieve and pick out one overarching purpose to your life. Most people have not been challenged to find a greater life purpose. Marshall does say, don't look at your purpose as a forever choice, your purpose can change as you change. This book struck a deep chord with me.
Marshall says we have an "earned life" when "the choices, risk, and effort we make in each moment align with an overarching purpose in our lives, regardless of the eventual outcome."
The earning doesn't mean you're successful, but you know what you want, you accept the risk involved and you put forth maximum effort. This book is personal for Marshall - he wrote this book during Covid. He is older, aware of his mortality and while reflecting on his life, wants to use his years to maximize his fulfillment and minimize his regrets. Marshall challenges us to think about our lives, the goals we've achieve and pick out one overarching purpose to your life. Most people have not been challenged to find a greater life purpose. Marshall does say, don't look at your purpose as a forever choice, your purpose can change as you change. This book struck a deep chord with me.
January 29, 2024
Cuốn sách này có tiêu đề tiếng Việt là "Sống đời mãn nguyện" được học viện Pace giới thiệu. Mình ít khi đọc giới thiệu sách, nhưng đối với cuốn sách này thì mình hoàn toàn bất ngờ về những lời "tán dương" mà tác giả Marshall Goldsmith nhận được. Mình cảm thấy tò mò, ông là ai và là có hệ tư tưởng gì mà những người làm chức lãnh đạo cao cấp từ rất nhiều lĩnh vực, từ Chủ tịch Ngân hàng thế giới, CEO của các tập đoàn lớn như Ford, Best buy... đều bày tỏ sự ngưỡng mộ?
Cuốn sách này đề cập một hệ tư tưởng mình thấy rất thú vị đó là một cuộc đời nuối tiếc và một cuộc đời mãn nguyện. Thước đo của sự nuối tiếc và mãn nguyện không đơn giản là những thành tích mà một người có thể đạt được. Cụ thể là có những người rất...rất thành công trong hành trình sự nghiệp của cuộc đời nhưng đầy những nuối tiếc, đến từ việc không thể dành thời gian cho gia đình, không thể gỡ bỏ rào cản trách nhiệm để làm những điều mình thích. Cũng có những người có thể gọi là thất bại như bị mất việc... nhưng hoàn toàn mãn nguyện với những gì mình đạt được. Điều gì tạo nên sự khác biệt đó, bài học mà bạn có thể rút ra cho chính cuộc đời mình là gì?
Cuốn sách này cũng cho mình cái nhìn phân biệt rõ ràng giữa Khát vọng (Aspiration) - điều ta muốn trở thành, những giá trị lớn lao của cuộc đời ta muốn theo đuổi, và Hoài bão (Ambition) - điều ta khao khát đạt được trong thời điểm cụ thể, và Hành động (Action) - điều ta làm. Nếu điều ta làm giúp ta đạt được điều ta khao khát, nếu điều ta khao khát trong các hành trình cụ thể tương xứng với những giá trị lớn lao của cuộc đời ta muốn, ta có thể có một cuộc đời không tiếc nuối.
Cuốn sách này đề cập một hệ tư tưởng mình thấy rất thú vị đó là một cuộc đời nuối tiếc và một cuộc đời mãn nguyện. Thước đo của sự nuối tiếc và mãn nguyện không đơn giản là những thành tích mà một người có thể đạt được. Cụ thể là có những người rất...rất thành công trong hành trình sự nghiệp của cuộc đời nhưng đầy những nuối tiếc, đến từ việc không thể dành thời gian cho gia đình, không thể gỡ bỏ rào cản trách nhiệm để làm những điều mình thích. Cũng có những người có thể gọi là thất bại như bị mất việc... nhưng hoàn toàn mãn nguyện với những gì mình đạt được. Điều gì tạo nên sự khác biệt đó, bài học mà bạn có thể rút ra cho chính cuộc đời mình là gì?
Cuốn sách này cũng cho mình cái nhìn phân biệt rõ ràng giữa Khát vọng (Aspiration) - điều ta muốn trở thành, những giá trị lớn lao của cuộc đời ta muốn theo đuổi, và Hoài bão (Ambition) - điều ta khao khát đạt được trong thời điểm cụ thể, và Hành động (Action) - điều ta làm. Nếu điều ta làm giúp ta đạt được điều ta khao khát, nếu điều ta khao khát trong các hành trình cụ thể tương xứng với những giá trị lớn lao của cuộc đời ta muốn, ta có thể có một cuộc đời không tiếc nuối.
May 20, 2023
The Earned Life is about long-term fulfilment and regret minimisation. Goldsmith believes that these come from living a life in which day-to-day decisions and efforts align with an overarching purpose – where our actions build towards ambitions (goals) that are consistent with our aspirations (who we want to be).
There are valuable concepts in this book. A few that stood out were:
- The “Every Breath” paradigm: every breath is a new you, who should be unburdened by previous mistakes and ready to achieve new things.
- Action, Ambition and Aspiration: a reminder that it requires an active effort to intertwine these.
- Eating the marshmallow: sometimes you have to eat the marshmallow (w.r.t the marshmallow experiment).
- Success factors: motivation, ability, understanding, confidence, support, and a receptive market
- Life Plan Review: a procedure for ensuring that your day-to-day actions are aligned with your ambitions and aspirations.
I also enjoyed the thought exercises at the end of each chapter. Even simple questions like “Who are your heroes” were quite thought-provoking in the context of the book. If someone is your hero, are your actions and ambitions consistent with your aspiration to be like that hero?
But while the book has been helpful for me (I’m even adopting some of the processes like the LPR), I’d struggle to call it a good book. It’s vague, full of cliches, and often lacks a clear flow. This is not helped by the constant injection of loosely-related anecdotes (the author is a CEO coach… which is generally not encouraging) and the “motivational speaker” vibes. I think How Will You Measure Your Life is overall a better read on the regret-minimisation front, but The Earned Life is a little more practical.
My highlights here.
There are valuable concepts in this book. A few that stood out were:
- The “Every Breath” paradigm: every breath is a new you, who should be unburdened by previous mistakes and ready to achieve new things.
- Action, Ambition and Aspiration: a reminder that it requires an active effort to intertwine these.
- Eating the marshmallow: sometimes you have to eat the marshmallow (w.r.t the marshmallow experiment).
- Success factors: motivation, ability, understanding, confidence, support, and a receptive market
- Life Plan Review: a procedure for ensuring that your day-to-day actions are aligned with your ambitions and aspirations.
I also enjoyed the thought exercises at the end of each chapter. Even simple questions like “Who are your heroes” were quite thought-provoking in the context of the book. If someone is your hero, are your actions and ambitions consistent with your aspiration to be like that hero?
But while the book has been helpful for me (I’m even adopting some of the processes like the LPR), I’d struggle to call it a good book. It’s vague, full of cliches, and often lacks a clear flow. This is not helped by the constant injection of loosely-related anecdotes (the author is a CEO coach… which is generally not encouraging) and the “motivational speaker” vibes. I think How Will You Measure Your Life is overall a better read on the regret-minimisation front, but The Earned Life is a little more practical.
My highlights here.
January 21, 2023
This was a great first read for the start of the new calendar year (2023). It came by recommendation from a lifelong mentor who always has great books to share. This one was no exception. I previously read and thoroughly enjoyed author, Marshall Goldsmith, prior book "What Got You Here Won't Get You There" and expected this book to be similar in concept. That was not the case as this book takes on a broader scope of life and our continual struggle to achieve fulfillment for where and how we spend our limited resource of time. The book states an earned life is best embodied in a satisfied mind.
I want to avoid spoiling the book so will not share too many details on content. The book goes beyond concept and gives practical and actionable steps one could take to achieve this satisfied mind. I will share several of the principles recommended by the author are based on Buddhist principles. This was a new learning for me as a confessed believer in Jesus Christ. However this fact did not remove what I saw as the true value and benefit of what several concepts captured in the book call for us to apply in our lives. My purpose in sharing that in this review is to help you avoid reading if learning this would create issues with your own belief.
I want to avoid spoiling the book so will not share too many details on content. The book goes beyond concept and gives practical and actionable steps one could take to achieve this satisfied mind. I will share several of the principles recommended by the author are based on Buddhist principles. This was a new learning for me as a confessed believer in Jesus Christ. However this fact did not remove what I saw as the true value and benefit of what several concepts captured in the book call for us to apply in our lives. My purpose in sharing that in this review is to help you avoid reading if learning this would create issues with your own belief.
July 11, 2023
It's a book that has done a great job of explaining earned life in a way that makes sense through the synergy of what we are doing right now, what we desire to achieve and what we want to do with our lives.
The cherry on top was illustrating how even the most successful people can lose sight of themselves in achieving their goals and regret the decisions they make.
I was surprised at how much wisdom I was able to get from this book; in addition to tips on how to succeed, there are revelations about the complexity of life as well, which are applicable to mediocre and high achievers alike.
I would also like to mention the Life Plan Review system, which helps you to gain fulfillment on a personal and professional level by developing discipline and acknowledging your weaknesses in a safe environment in front of a community of trusted individuals.
It's a brilliant tool that's flawlessly structured, but it's even more powerful because it doesn't hide the weaknesses of those who are most talented and successful, but empowers them to deal with them without feeling shame or guilt.
You couldn't have asked for a better book in terms of information, writing style, and practical advice you can use every day.
The cherry on top was illustrating how even the most successful people can lose sight of themselves in achieving their goals and regret the decisions they make.
I was surprised at how much wisdom I was able to get from this book; in addition to tips on how to succeed, there are revelations about the complexity of life as well, which are applicable to mediocre and high achievers alike.
I would also like to mention the Life Plan Review system, which helps you to gain fulfillment on a personal and professional level by developing discipline and acknowledging your weaknesses in a safe environment in front of a community of trusted individuals.
It's a brilliant tool that's flawlessly structured, but it's even more powerful because it doesn't hide the weaknesses of those who are most talented and successful, but empowers them to deal with them without feeling shame or guilt.
You couldn't have asked for a better book in terms of information, writing style, and practical advice you can use every day.
October 20, 2022
Learning to live in present. accepting that everything grows and fades unlocks a powerful tool for personal development. Why is that? Well, for one, it’s a license to move on. When you come to see that the person you have been isn’t all that you can be, you open yourself to new adventures. But that acceptance also attunes you to the present by giving you a powerful motive to be better now.
The words left on your list should give you a good idea of your defining qualities. The qualities which influence both what you aspire to and whether you’ll be willing to earn that aspiration. If you’re feeling brave, show this list to the person who knows you best. Do they agree, or have you skirted the truth? Remember, this exercise is only helpful if you’re honest with yourself.
If you’ve been honest, you’ll now have a strong sense of what kind of aspirations will work for you. This is your blueprint for an earned life.
The earned life is a life in which the choices and effort we make in each moment align with a greater sense of purpose, regardless of the eventual outcome.
The words left on your list should give you a good idea of your defining qualities. The qualities which influence both what you aspire to and whether you’ll be willing to earn that aspiration. If you’re feeling brave, show this list to the person who knows you best. Do they agree, or have you skirted the truth? Remember, this exercise is only helpful if you’re honest with yourself.
If you’ve been honest, you’ll now have a strong sense of what kind of aspirations will work for you. This is your blueprint for an earned life.
The earned life is a life in which the choices and effort we make in each moment align with a greater sense of purpose, regardless of the eventual outcome.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 19, 2023
A book I’ll return to a thousand times
I’d never really heard of Marshall Goldsmith before this book, but the title appealed to me. I kept the sample on my Kindle for several months before taking the leap and finally paying for the whole thing.
I took copious notes, screenshots (which I then scribbled more notes upon) and chewed on the concepts and ideas for hours, days and weeks after I first read them.
There’s so much here to digest, from the personal stories to the Action/Ambition/Aspiration framework. This book came into my life when I was transitioning into a new identity, and it was perfect. I recommended it to several people who had managed to live a so-called “successful” life but were looking for more. If that’s you, I think you’ll find this book invaluable. But read it slow, take notes (and then go back and re-read your notes at a later time — the insights will surprise you) and just enjoy the hell out of it. I know I did. :)
I’d never really heard of Marshall Goldsmith before this book, but the title appealed to me. I kept the sample on my Kindle for several months before taking the leap and finally paying for the whole thing.
I took copious notes, screenshots (which I then scribbled more notes upon) and chewed on the concepts and ideas for hours, days and weeks after I first read them.
There’s so much here to digest, from the personal stories to the Action/Ambition/Aspiration framework. This book came into my life when I was transitioning into a new identity, and it was perfect. I recommended it to several people who had managed to live a so-called “successful” life but were looking for more. If that’s you, I think you’ll find this book invaluable. But read it slow, take notes (and then go back and re-read your notes at a later time — the insights will surprise you) and just enjoy the hell out of it. I know I did. :)
June 30, 2022
Great book for people who want to rediscovery their purpose and make impact
This book is for folks who want to start all over again with there life and rediscover themselves. This is the first book from marshall goldsmith i am reading and blown away by his thoughts and principles. His views on results do not matter but what matter is whether we made a difference in life carries the message through out. there are good examples through out the book and also some practical tips as well. if you are a leader in a business organization, this book has some examples of other ceos on how they set up a life after the first job and moved forward with it. Good book to read and rediscover ourself.
This book is for folks who want to start all over again with there life and rediscover themselves. This is the first book from marshall goldsmith i am reading and blown away by his thoughts and principles. His views on results do not matter but what matter is whether we made a difference in life carries the message through out. there are good examples through out the book and also some practical tips as well. if you are a leader in a business organization, this book has some examples of other ceos on how they set up a life after the first job and moved forward with it. Good book to read and rediscover ourself.
July 17, 2022
📚 Book #38: “The Earned Life” by Marshall Goldsmith
📕 This book is a collection of advice for living an earned life, which Goldsmith describes as one whose choices and actions align with our overarching purpose, "regardless of the eventual outcome." He takes inspiration from Buddhism through this advanced form of acceptance and notes that progress, effort, and intention are the goals -- not necessarily achievements.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4/5: This was my first Marshall Goldsmith book, so my score might have been lower if I'd read his previous books. After reading a few reviews of those, there seems to be lots of recycled content. The main idea in this book is the Life Plan Review (LPR), which is something he also goes over in his book "Triggers." There were quite a few other nuggets, but nothing mind-blowing. I did appreciate the Buddhism influences in his philosophies. Generally -- "try hard, accept failures with grace, work toward a higher purpose."
🤓 You should read this if you're new to self-help or Marshall Goldsmith and you're looking for some inspiration for how to get to a fulfilling life.
📕 This book is a collection of advice for living an earned life, which Goldsmith describes as one whose choices and actions align with our overarching purpose, "regardless of the eventual outcome." He takes inspiration from Buddhism through this advanced form of acceptance and notes that progress, effort, and intention are the goals -- not necessarily achievements.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4/5: This was my first Marshall Goldsmith book, so my score might have been lower if I'd read his previous books. After reading a few reviews of those, there seems to be lots of recycled content. The main idea in this book is the Life Plan Review (LPR), which is something he also goes over in his book "Triggers." There were quite a few other nuggets, but nothing mind-blowing. I did appreciate the Buddhism influences in his philosophies. Generally -- "try hard, accept failures with grace, work toward a higher purpose."
🤓 You should read this if you're new to self-help or Marshall Goldsmith and you're looking for some inspiration for how to get to a fulfilling life.
February 22, 2023
I began this book soon after graduating and it’s a book I intend to re-read a few more times across my life. I’ve found some of my most interesting inner monologues through this book and it was nothing less than impactful. I was sad to finish the last chapter. Gladwell’s writing is relatable in a way that feels as if you’re having a discussion with a close, respected friend rather than being preached to. I would and do recommend this book to anyone I can - the tools to a life well lived is one of the greatest gifts one can give.
I recommend reading one chapter at a time, even per week or more, to best take advantage of the book and reflect on its content.
5 stars for thought-provoking content and meaningful impact all written with empathetic tone
I recommend reading one chapter at a time, even per week or more, to best take advantage of the book and reflect on its content.
5 stars for thought-provoking content and meaningful impact all written with empathetic tone
August 24, 2023
An enjoyable read that provides some solid ideas, examples, and frameworks on how to experience fulfillment in your daily life. The author has a solid background in executive coaching, making all of the advice practical and proven.
However, it did feel there was a subtle flaw in the content. Because most of the examples and influences are for / from successful and wealthy people, some of the advice caters to people who are already successful and the book is coaching these people on how to feel like their existing success is well-earned or how to succeed even further. It doesn't really offer much in the way of defining an earned life of simplicity - everything is driving at an earned life based on wealth and material success.
However, it did feel there was a subtle flaw in the content. Because most of the examples and influences are for / from successful and wealthy people, some of the advice caters to people who are already successful and the book is coaching these people on how to feel like their existing success is well-earned or how to succeed even further. It doesn't really offer much in the way of defining an earned life of simplicity - everything is driving at an earned life based on wealth and material success.
February 11, 2023
I watch every video or presentation of Marshall Goldsmith with curiosity and joy.
His book, "Earned Life" was such an inspiring book which made me realize that every character trait that we have, all beautiful things that we experience, all beautiful people that we know are the result of the life that we created around us... artifacts of an Earned Life, our signature, out unique surroundings.
Two beautiful idioms that caught my attention in this book were "YCBM (You Can Be More)" and "Credibility Matrix". Those completely changed my perspective about my concerns about life, work and road ahead.
Thank you very much Marshall Goldsmith for such a good book.
His book, "Earned Life" was such an inspiring book which made me realize that every character trait that we have, all beautiful things that we experience, all beautiful people that we know are the result of the life that we created around us... artifacts of an Earned Life, our signature, out unique surroundings.
Two beautiful idioms that caught my attention in this book were "YCBM (You Can Be More)" and "Credibility Matrix". Those completely changed my perspective about my concerns about life, work and road ahead.
Thank you very much Marshall Goldsmith for such a good book.
September 2, 2022
I liked the premise of this book, and what it set out to solve. To live a life that is free of regrets. It is no doubt a wonderful proposition and a noble goal to have. The author sets out that intent with a story at the start. But as the chapters progress, it becomes intellectual and a bit dry. Ofcourse creating a life plan and doing a review of it is the right thing to do. But somewhere Marshall lost me. It is a good book, but you should be willing to skim through many pages, specially in the middle.
October 21, 2022
Thế giới này là vô thường, mọi thứ thay đổi từng ngày, từng phút, từng giây. Nếu mãi chạy theo những tham vọng, chúng ta chẵng thể nào có được hạnh phúc, vì những tham vọng ấy cứ mãi đổi thay, cứ càng ngày càng xa. Thay vì đó, hãy có khát vọng, đừng vì những gì chúng ta đạt được mà hãy hướng tới những gì chúng ta trở thành. Hãy xác định ý nghĩ cuộc đời mình, cái làm mình hạnh phúc, làm mình cười. Và khi xác định được, hãy cứ thế mà làm, hãy tận hưởng hết mình, cố gắng hết mình dù kết quả ra sao.
November 1, 2022
I heard Marshall on a podcast and felt compelled to read this. As a dug into this, I recognized that I had read his "What Got You Here Won't Get You There" book. This is a bit different. It reflects on what constitutes an earned life and how to develop into a focused, thoughtful, value-guided person. I enjoyed this book and found a lot of reflection throughout. This was not a technique book, but rather a thought-provoking book about where we place our time, energy, and focus, and what we get back is an earned life!
June 2, 2023
Aspirational and insightful
This is not a flawless book but the rating represents the feeling the book left me with. I found myself resonating with most of the concepts, ideas, and activities suggested in the book.
Earning a life is a complicated thing to consider and the book does a good job covering all the diverse considerations involved in first choosing a life and then earning it. The book is highly autobiographical and it makes sense why. Such a notion can only be explained by using a real and lived life.
I don't think you would regret reading this book.
This is not a flawless book but the rating represents the feeling the book left me with. I found myself resonating with most of the concepts, ideas, and activities suggested in the book.
Earning a life is a complicated thing to consider and the book does a good job covering all the diverse considerations involved in first choosing a life and then earning it. The book is highly autobiographical and it makes sense why. Such a notion can only be explained by using a real and lived life.
I don't think you would regret reading this book.
September 22, 2022
I picked this up after listening to the author on a podcast, and it was a good read. I liked his overall schtick about working to “earn” your life and the various angles to consider what earning looks like to you. I also liked his notes on “having to earn credibility twice”, once by developing competence and again by developing recognition of that competence - oddly relevant right now and resonated a lot.
Good stuff. Would recommend.
Good stuff. Would recommend.
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