What do you think?
Rate this book
John Dies at the End #1
John Dies at the End
STOP. You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands. NO, don't put it down. It's too late. They're watching you. My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're under the eye. The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why? You just have to trust me.
The important thing is this: The drug is called Soy Sauce and it gives users a window into another dimension. John and I never had the chance to say no. You still do. I'm sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind: None of this was my fault.
The important thing is this: The drug is called Soy Sauce and it gives users a window into another dimension. John and I never had the chance to say no. You still do. I'm sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind: None of this was my fault.
362 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2007
About the author
David Wong
9 books5,409 followersDavid Wong is the pseudonym of Jason Pargin. He is the former Executive Editor of Cracked.com, author of the bestselling John Dies at the End series and the award-winning Zoey Ashe novels. Jason has a new Goodreads profile under his real name, you can follow it here:
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show...
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show...
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 7,651 reviews
March 5, 2013
I really loved this book. I didn't know anything going into it, other than that it was weird, so that's all I'll give you.
I think it's worth your time.
I think it's worth your time.
June 27, 2012
Put this book down and go read Wong's work at cracked.com, particularly his piece "6 Things Rich People Need to Stop Saying," a brilliant piece of humor, psychology and economics. http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-things-...
Back to John Dies. Yes, like the book blurb says, in some ways it resembles The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy--it's that strange blend of humor that occurs partially because of stacking two incongruencies in a slice of bread and calling it a sandwich. The heroes are similar and somehwhat unlikeable; the rather boring Arthur Dent and 20-something slacker, David, a video store clerk. Both plots involve the end of the world as we know it, and time travel or alternate realities may or may not be involved. However, there are critical, fun-diminishing differences. Adams envisioned an entire universe for his absurdity while Wong plays around in modern America, where we've navel-gazed at absurdity so long, the commentary is hardly unique. Adams managed to turn the entire SF genre sideways with is originality, John Dies mostly feels like an unfinished stew of popular culture references and genre mashup.
Why Hitchhiker's works: Vogon poetry. To appreciate the humor, he built a race entirely absent in emotional expression and vulnerability and then provided an example of their self expression, and the appropriate screams of horror from the audience.
Why John Dies doesn't: two pages of random girlish chatroom transcript, complete with chat shorthand and exclamation points. With characters we haven't met or know nothing about but
Why Hitchhiker's works: exactly one exploding body, in the form of a sperm whale landing on a planet. It might be connected to a vase of petunias and have existential meaning.
Why John Dies doesn't: numerous exploding bodies. Wet meaty chunks in various sizes throughout the book that have no meaning, except to impress us that people can die in a gross fashion.
Why Hitchhiker's works: a robot so depressed, talking to him compels other machines to suicide, including life-support systems.
Why John doesn't: waiting for a dog to poop so that the humans can retrieve a bomb. Aiming said dog's hind end at bad guy when he has burrito gut.
Why Hitchhiker's works: white mice running experiments on the human race and threatening to carve up Arthur's brain.
Why John doesn't: scorpion-tailed wig-wearing monsters stinging people.
Why Hitchhiker's works: one ominous old man who looks a lot like a Biblical God, who creates fjords and completely fails at intimidation.
Why John doesn't: numerous old and wrinkly men covered from the chest up, so the narrator can muse on sagging nether regions and greying pubic hair.
There are certainly laugh-worthy and smart pieces. Loved the beginning brain puzzler with the ax and zombie. The meat puppet provided a groan-worthy pun. John channeling through a dog was amusing, as were the calming kittens. The occasional nicely-worded laugh. Comparing a downward, depressed slide in life to one's action playing sport video games.
"I reached back and, for the first time in my life, smacked a dog across the nose with an envelope full of cash."
"Things started to spin out of control. Soon we were playing (hockey) without the goalies... finally, when we started both playing on the same side (Red Wings) against an inept team controlled by the computer... I knew I had hit rock bottom."
The language can be fun. But then there are the almost-but-not-quite analogies, such as the supposition if aliens had helped the Egyptians build a casino pyramid, it would look like the Luxor. Um, I believe that's the idea, more or less; a casino pyramid. I'm not sure myself how to take that to the next level of potential wierdness, but that's not it.
And, of course, there's the toilet humor and penis imagery, a la movies like The Hangover. Clearly, I'm old, because it was funny for about a sentence, but unfortunately continued much longer. How many times can you freak out about grabbing penis doorknobs before you sound homophobic? Then there are the weird self-conscious references like, "now you've freaked out. Time to go start a website." Haha--just like the author. More distressing was the nagging deja vu feeling of "I think I recognize that scene from..."
The characters were only mildly sympathetic, and John served as that zany foil that continued to lead our narrator astray. I felt like a lot of the situations were set up to get a laugh, which meant plot and narrative suffered. The tone struggled as well; I couldn't tell if I was supposed to be frightened, or tense as David found himself facing monsters or almost strangled, or if I should be waiting for the laugh. Since Wong went for the laugh almost every time, and his sense of humor doesn't entirely correspond with my own, it proved an ultimately unsatisfying read.
Cross posted at http://clsiewert.wordpress.com/2012/1...
Back to John Dies. Yes, like the book blurb says, in some ways it resembles The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy--it's that strange blend of humor that occurs partially because of stacking two incongruencies in a slice of bread and calling it a sandwich. The heroes are similar and somehwhat unlikeable; the rather boring Arthur Dent and 20-something slacker, David, a video store clerk. Both plots involve the end of the world as we know it, and time travel or alternate realities may or may not be involved. However, there are critical, fun-diminishing differences. Adams envisioned an entire universe for his absurdity while Wong plays around in modern America, where we've navel-gazed at absurdity so long, the commentary is hardly unique. Adams managed to turn the entire SF genre sideways with is originality, John Dies mostly feels like an unfinished stew of popular culture references and genre mashup.
Why Hitchhiker's works: Vogon poetry. To appreciate the humor, he built a race entirely absent in emotional expression and vulnerability and then provided an example of their self expression, and the appropriate screams of horror from the audience.
Why John Dies doesn't: two pages of random girlish chatroom transcript, complete with chat shorthand and exclamation points. With characters we haven't met or know nothing about but
Why Hitchhiker's works: exactly one exploding body, in the form of a sperm whale landing on a planet. It might be connected to a vase of petunias and have existential meaning.
Why John Dies doesn't: numerous exploding bodies. Wet meaty chunks in various sizes throughout the book that have no meaning, except to impress us that people can die in a gross fashion.
Why Hitchhiker's works: a robot so depressed, talking to him compels other machines to suicide, including life-support systems.
Why John doesn't: waiting for a dog to poop so that the humans can retrieve a bomb. Aiming said dog's hind end at bad guy when he has burrito gut.
Why Hitchhiker's works: white mice running experiments on the human race and threatening to carve up Arthur's brain.
Why John doesn't: scorpion-tailed wig-wearing monsters stinging people.
Why Hitchhiker's works: one ominous old man who looks a lot like a Biblical God, who creates fjords and completely fails at intimidation.
Why John doesn't: numerous old and wrinkly men covered from the chest up, so the narrator can muse on sagging nether regions and greying pubic hair.
There are certainly laugh-worthy and smart pieces. Loved the beginning brain puzzler with the ax and zombie. The meat puppet provided a groan-worthy pun. John channeling through a dog was amusing, as were the calming kittens. The occasional nicely-worded laugh. Comparing a downward, depressed slide in life to one's action playing sport video games.
"I reached back and, for the first time in my life, smacked a dog across the nose with an envelope full of cash."
"Things started to spin out of control. Soon we were playing (hockey) without the goalies... finally, when we started both playing on the same side (Red Wings) against an inept team controlled by the computer... I knew I had hit rock bottom."
The language can be fun. But then there are the almost-but-not-quite analogies, such as the supposition if aliens had helped the Egyptians build a casino pyramid, it would look like the Luxor. Um, I believe that's the idea, more or less; a casino pyramid. I'm not sure myself how to take that to the next level of potential wierdness, but that's not it.
And, of course, there's the toilet humor and penis imagery, a la movies like The Hangover. Clearly, I'm old, because it was funny for about a sentence, but unfortunately continued much longer. How many times can you freak out about grabbing penis doorknobs before you sound homophobic? Then there are the weird self-conscious references like, "now you've freaked out. Time to go start a website." Haha--just like the author. More distressing was the nagging deja vu feeling of "I think I recognize that scene from..."
The characters were only mildly sympathetic, and John served as that zany foil that continued to lead our narrator astray. I felt like a lot of the situations were set up to get a laugh, which meant plot and narrative suffered. The tone struggled as well; I couldn't tell if I was supposed to be frightened, or tense as David found himself facing monsters or almost strangled, or if I should be waiting for the laugh. Since Wong went for the laugh almost every time, and his sense of humor doesn't entirely correspond with my own, it proved an ultimately unsatisfying read.
Cross posted at http://clsiewert.wordpress.com/2012/1...
June 11, 2011
VERY HIP...
VERY BIZARRO...
VERY CREEPY...
AND VERY, VERY (EVEN BRILLIANTLY) FUNNY...IN A CRUDE, JUVENILE WAY...
I read a lot... I read everyday and go through a number of books every week. Reading as much as I do, I get a real jolly on when I come across a book like this because it is so different from the usual fare. I'm not sure I can adequately describe the book, but the phrase that seems most apt is "brilliantly stupid"…with "surreal,” "incredibly funny" and "dude that’s gross" close behind.
As far as the plot, not much to say that isn't in the book description. David and John are a couple of smart, cynical, directionless guys. I think the book does such a great job speaking for itself, that here are a few excerpts from the book where David (our narrator) gives some insight into his worldview/mindset:
The plot is utterly secondary to the reading experience and what shines in this book is the attitude of the two main characters, John and David, when they encounter the endless stream of nightmare situations in the book. They simply accept it, deal with it, shout out a lot of sarcasm and penis jokes and just go along for the ride. At least, for the most part…there are a few times when it gets to be a bit much for our heroes. Case in point:
My advice for this book is to be like John and David and just run with it. Don't try too hard to keep up with the plot and just let the story take you from page to page. I laughed out loud throughout the book and had a blast-o-matic reading it. For those of you still haven't come to appreciate the wit and tone of the book from my previous excerpts, here is my final attempt to win you over (the emphasis is mine):
In summary, this book is wonderful and strange, has a lot of juvenile humor, a couple of great main characters, and an original story in both plot and tone that I thought was brilliant…again is a stupid sorta way. Highly Recommended!! 4.5 to 5.0 stars.
VERY BIZARRO...
VERY CREEPY...
AND VERY, VERY (EVEN BRILLIANTLY) FUNNY...IN A CRUDE, JUVENILE WAY...
I read a lot... I read everyday and go through a number of books every week. Reading as much as I do, I get a real jolly on when I come across a book like this because it is so different from the usual fare. I'm not sure I can adequately describe the book, but the phrase that seems most apt is "brilliantly stupid"…with "surreal,” "incredibly funny" and "dude that’s gross" close behind.
"Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a million zombies."...see what I mean.
…
"And watch out for Molly. See if she does anything unusual. There’s something I don’t trust about the way she exploded and then came back from the dead like that."
As far as the plot, not much to say that isn't in the book description. David and John are a couple of smart, cynical, directionless guys. I think the book does such a great job speaking for itself, that here are a few excerpts from the book where David (our narrator) gives some insight into his worldview/mindset:
From day one it was like society was this violent, complicated dance and everybody had taken lessons but me. Knocked to the floor again, climbing to my feet each time, bloody and humiliated. Always met with disapproving faces, waiting for me to leave so I'd stop fucking up the party.AND later...
The wanted to push me outside, where the freaks huddled in the cold. Out there with the misfits, the broken, the glazed-eye types who can only watch as the normals enjoy their shiny new cars and careers and marriages and vacations with the kids.
The freaks spend their lives shambling around, wondering how they got left out, mumbling about conspiracy theories and bigfoot sightings. Their encounters with the world are marked by awkward conversations and stifled laughter, hidden smirks and rolled eyes. And worst of all, pity.
And no one cares. You kick and scream and cry out in the darkness and no answer comes. You rage against the unfathomable injustice and two blocks away some guy watches a baseball game and scratches his balls.Well these two guys discover that a new drug called "soy sauce" has allowed/forced them to see into an alternative reality/parallel dimension where nasty, evil things with a good sense of humor are looking to take over (See above picture of a Roach-Man from the upcoming movie version). Well from the moment they experience the sauce, bizarroness and a mayhem-o-rama ensues. And I didn't stop laughing until the end.
Scientists talk about dark matter, the invisible, mysterious substance that occupies the space between stars. Dark Matter makes up 99.99 percent of the universe and they don't know what it is. Well I know. It's apathy. That's the truth of it. Pile together everything we know and care about in the universe and it will still be nothing more than a tiny speck in the middle of a vast black ocean of Who Gives A Fuck.
The plot is utterly secondary to the reading experience and what shines in this book is the attitude of the two main characters, John and David, when they encounter the endless stream of nightmare situations in the book. They simply accept it, deal with it, shout out a lot of sarcasm and penis jokes and just go along for the ride. At least, for the most part…there are a few times when it gets to be a bit much for our heroes. Case in point:
“No, no. Keep driving,” said a soft voice in my ear. “She will not bite if you keep driving.” Fuck that. Fuck that idea like the captain of the Thai Fuck Team fucking at the fucking Tour de Fuck.However, other than a few understandable meltdowns (like when confronted by cockroach-man assassins), they simply attend to the matters at hand…no matter how batshit crazy things get ("There was a sound like a garbage bag of pudding dropped off a tall building onto a sidewalk. Robert had erupted, chunks slapping off the walls in every direction.")…UH, I did say it was gross didn't I?
My advice for this book is to be like John and David and just run with it. Don't try too hard to keep up with the plot and just let the story take you from page to page. I laughed out loud throughout the book and had a blast-o-matic reading it. For those of you still haven't come to appreciate the wit and tone of the book from my previous excerpts, here is my final attempt to win you over (the emphasis is mine):
"Somebody said my name, asked if I was okay. I didn't answer, the sound of the commotion dying around me as the heavy monkey of sleep rested its warm, furry ass on my eyelids."Come on, now that is just funny.
In summary, this book is wonderful and strange, has a lot of juvenile humor, a couple of great main characters, and an original story in both plot and tone that I thought was brilliant…again is a stupid sorta way. Highly Recommended!! 4.5 to 5.0 stars.
December 20, 2011
this is possibly the worst published book i have ever read. i'm sad to admit it was my ex-boyfriend's favorite book, so i read it to placate him. it took me all of about five minutes to get sick of the author's trite internet-meme-style wannabe-funny bullshit, which is sad because i believe he is the editor of cracked.com (where the writing, though sub-par at times, at least typically makes sense and is somewhat enjoyable to read). at first i thought i wasn't reading it closely enough to follow the plot, then i realized:
1) there is no plot to follow.
2) the guy couldn't sustain one storyline for longer than 50 pages, so he throws in like, 50 sorta-connected ones and still calls this shitrag a NOVEL. um, what?!
so, barf. in this dude's attempt to righteously blow my mind, he really just.. blew. i can't believe the positive ratings this crapathon has accrued on amazon. i 100% don't understand its cult internet following... wait, no, i amend that. i DO understand it. it's most likely comprised of people who don't fucking read anything but born-digital internet slop on forums and pseudo-journalistic and/or fan-fiction sites. in the guernsey literary and potato peel pie society - not a mindblowing read, but at least it's written well - there's a line about reading good books ruining you for reading bad ones...well, here's that sentiment ringing glaringly true in my own life. ha!
do yourselves a favor and stay away, far, far away from this one. just read the original lovecraft instead.
1) there is no plot to follow.
2) the guy couldn't sustain one storyline for longer than 50 pages, so he throws in like, 50 sorta-connected ones and still calls this shitrag a NOVEL. um, what?!
so, barf. in this dude's attempt to righteously blow my mind, he really just.. blew. i can't believe the positive ratings this crapathon has accrued on amazon. i 100% don't understand its cult internet following... wait, no, i amend that. i DO understand it. it's most likely comprised of people who don't fucking read anything but born-digital internet slop on forums and pseudo-journalistic and/or fan-fiction sites. in the guernsey literary and potato peel pie society - not a mindblowing read, but at least it's written well - there's a line about reading good books ruining you for reading bad ones...well, here's that sentiment ringing glaringly true in my own life. ha!
do yourselves a favor and stay away, far, far away from this one. just read the original lovecraft instead.
February 22, 2012
This book is not for everyone but it is certainly for me.
We all know that I have the sense of humor of a twelve year-old boy. I can't help it. Just yesterday my manager was talking to my coworkers and I about her new job at Whole Foods, explaining what she would be doing (which is working behind the specialty cheese counter) and she spoke this little gem that slipped passed everyone's attention but mine: "...basically I'll be cutting the cheese all day." I slapped my hand to my mouth and trying to hide my giggles only made them come even more fitfully.
I'm laughing right now just thinking about it!
That's not really an important point, but I am a big fan of dick and fart jokes in all facets of life, and this books' cup runneth over with them, much to my enjoyment. My potential favorite: "Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis's penis would be larger than your penis." 2nd place: "I want to pause for a moment to talk about my penis" and the ensuing section comparing sex to Disney World. Verrry close 3rd place: John's whole "I'd show [my penis] right now, to everybody here. If we had time..." speech.
It's not a perfect book, but I don't care. Fuck the kind of pretension that doesn't allow a person to just sit back and enjoy this story. The whole thing was a riot. I totally loved it, if for no other reason than it came to me when I needed it most, a la the sword of Gryffindor. I have been reading Tolkien since the end of last summer, and it has been wonderful, really, but it's so dense and demanding that lately I have been really feeling the need to take a break and read something a little less serious. I found this at the bookstore, popped it open to see what I was in for, then wouldn't put it down. If I believed in the power of prayer, I would say that finding this book when I did was the answer to one. Thanks, universe! I owe you one!
Addendum: I'm sorry to all of the ladies out there in the world, but this book helped me to realize that, as much as I long to be taken seriously as a woman of thought and value, I am never going to be able to stop thinking that farts are funny. I'm just not. Books like this will always have a special place in my heart, even if they don't make me any smarter. I just have to accept that part of myself.
We all know that I have the sense of humor of a twelve year-old boy. I can't help it. Just yesterday my manager was talking to my coworkers and I about her new job at Whole Foods, explaining what she would be doing (which is working behind the specialty cheese counter) and she spoke this little gem that slipped passed everyone's attention but mine: "...basically I'll be cutting the cheese all day." I slapped my hand to my mouth and trying to hide my giggles only made them come even more fitfully.
I'm laughing right now just thinking about it!
That's not really an important point, but I am a big fan of dick and fart jokes in all facets of life, and this books' cup runneth over with them, much to my enjoyment. My potential favorite: "Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis's penis would be larger than your penis." 2nd place: "I want to pause for a moment to talk about my penis" and the ensuing section comparing sex to Disney World. Verrry close 3rd place: John's whole "I'd show [my penis] right now, to everybody here. If we had time..." speech.
It's not a perfect book, but I don't care. Fuck the kind of pretension that doesn't allow a person to just sit back and enjoy this story. The whole thing was a riot. I totally loved it, if for no other reason than it came to me when I needed it most, a la the sword of Gryffindor. I have been reading Tolkien since the end of last summer, and it has been wonderful, really, but it's so dense and demanding that lately I have been really feeling the need to take a break and read something a little less serious. I found this at the bookstore, popped it open to see what I was in for, then wouldn't put it down. If I believed in the power of prayer, I would say that finding this book when I did was the answer to one. Thanks, universe! I owe you one!
Addendum: I'm sorry to all of the ladies out there in the world, but this book helped me to realize that, as much as I long to be taken seriously as a woman of thought and value, I am never going to be able to stop thinking that farts are funny. I'm just not. Books like this will always have a special place in my heart, even if they don't make me any smarter. I just have to accept that part of myself.
December 25, 2012
Have you ever played that game when one person starts a story and then another person takes it over, and then another, and then...until the story gets to where you can't even remember how it started?
John Dies at the End is a little bit like that game.
Now picture Howard Philip Lovecraft and Robert E. Howard playing this game around a campfire after a crazy party.
Now picture Howard Philip Lovecraft and Robert E. Howard smoking pot and drinking cheap booze as they play the game.
And then they are joined by their good friends Joss Whedon and Todd Phillips.
John Dies at the End is what they might come up with.
I wanted to like this book. Really, really, really, wanted to like it. And maybe that was part of the problem. I went in with too high of expectations. Shrug. But honestly it just wasn't for me.
Recommended to readers who still laugh at the jokes they thought were funny when they were twelve. Fans of urban fantasy/horror that does not involve sparkly vampires. And for anyone who thought Cabin In the Woods was one of the best movies of the year.
As for the title...
John Dies at the End is a little bit like that game.
Now picture Howard Philip Lovecraft and Robert E. Howard playing this game around a campfire after a crazy party.
Now picture Howard Philip Lovecraft and Robert E. Howard smoking pot and drinking cheap booze as they play the game.
And then they are joined by their good friends Joss Whedon and Todd Phillips.
John Dies at the End is what they might come up with.
I wanted to like this book. Really, really, really, wanted to like it. And maybe that was part of the problem. I went in with too high of expectations. Shrug. But honestly it just wasn't for me.
Recommended to readers who still laugh at the jokes they thought were funny when they were twelve. Fans of urban fantasy/horror that does not involve sparkly vampires. And for anyone who thought Cabin In the Woods was one of the best movies of the year.
As for the title...
July 16, 2023
Let's start with a question.
Is f#$ked up humor horror sci fi the right genre for you? Take the following quiz and find out.
Do you enjoy extreme violence when it's presented in a humorous way?
Do you enjoy crude jokes about John's dick?
Do you believe in aliens, the supernatural, inter dimensional beings, or any of that?
Do you like dogs, but not so much you care if they die?
Are you delusional, paranoid, or just plain crazy?
Do you like guns, flame throwers, bombs, and molotov cocktails?
If you answered yes to 4 or more of these questions, then John Dies at the End might be a great book for you.
This book is a trip, a total mind f$%k. It's been a few days since I finished, and I'm still going over it, trying to figure out what exactly happened. There should be some kind of recovery program for people that have finished John Dies at the End, we could all get together In the basement of some church and talk about how this book screwed up our lives.
Is f#$ked up humor horror sci fi the right genre for you? Take the following quiz and find out.
Do you enjoy extreme violence when it's presented in a humorous way?
Do you enjoy crude jokes about John's dick?
Do you believe in aliens, the supernatural, inter dimensional beings, or any of that?
Do you like dogs, but not so much you care if they die?
Are you delusional, paranoid, or just plain crazy?
Do you like guns, flame throwers, bombs, and molotov cocktails?
If you answered yes to 4 or more of these questions, then John Dies at the End might be a great book for you.
This book is a trip, a total mind f$%k. It's been a few days since I finished, and I'm still going over it, trying to figure out what exactly happened. There should be some kind of recovery program for people that have finished John Dies at the End, we could all get together In the basement of some church and talk about how this book screwed up our lives.
June 3, 2016
Juvenile humor was only a feature of this novel, not a bug. There were plenty of bugs, tho. That being said, it was a light-hearted frolic in the woods of shit-narnia, and I felt like getting a tattoo of the Pi symbol on my toe. Strangely enough, I agreed with the idea of the last dead guy that first-person shooter games are training us for something... but I just can't figure out what it was... better game-playing? That's probably it.
This is a Fun Book, ya'll, even if I was expecting something SCARY. Not scary, but quite imaginative with more plot holes than a termite could cope with. That's OK, you know, as long as you have a good time. :)
But like I said, that's a feature, not a bug. But oh my god... The Bugs! The Bugs!
This is a Fun Book, ya'll, even if I was expecting something SCARY. Not scary, but quite imaginative with more plot holes than a termite could cope with. That's OK, you know, as long as you have a good time. :)
But like I said, that's a feature, not a bug. But oh my god... The Bugs! The Bugs!
July 4, 2017
This book is about shit. And insects. And humanity.
A peculiar combination, you may think? I agree. But this is a great story that may not have worked in the hands of any other author.
My most amazing cousin Danielle has been asking me to read this book for about a year now, and I'm really glad I finally picked it up.
It's packed with meat monsters, immortal dogs, & exploding eyeballs with a fake Jamaican cherry on top!
While all these aspects make for some top-level ridiculousness, I think it's important not to let them totally distract from the messages that are present.
The writing is what really brought the story to life. It's told from the perspective of David, who is incredibly witty & has a lot of insightful things to say about why humans behave the way they do. Sure, he is disparaging & crude in his commentary, but there's a ribbon of raw truth beneath it all that makes David an intensely relatable character.
It's almost uncomfortable how Wong forces his audience to face the juxtaposition of deeply relevant ideas next to a black, self-depreciating humor & a consistent stream of stomach-churning violence. But it's cleverly constructed & mostly positive experience.
The plot of this one is strange.
Like, super strange.
There were a couple times where it lost my complete attention. I would catch myself sort of glossing over some of the filler details of the scenario, but on the whole I still found it enjoyable.
Also I must say I'm relieved to read an Epilogue that I won't have to spend the rest of my life pretending doesn't exist. Lookin' at you Rowling.
One other thing I didn't love about this book was it's use of offensive language. I can tell that it was used to characterize & set a tone of cynicism, but it was a little too liberally applied for my tastes.
I wanted to add this as more of a caution for others because truthfully there's a ton of offensive stuff in this book, but the language in particular made me grit my teeth a couple of times. I was still able to enjoy the story, but it's worth mentioning.
This is going to be a novel I will recommend with a discerning eye. No doubt this story will be too contemptuous for some to swallow (that one's for you John), but if a bizarre horror/comedy/mystery with a dash of philosophical genius & sprinkling of extra-fucking-weird sounds up your alley then this is a book for you!
A peculiar combination, you may think? I agree. But this is a great story that may not have worked in the hands of any other author.
My most amazing cousin Danielle has been asking me to read this book for about a year now, and I'm really glad I finally picked it up.
It's packed with meat monsters, immortal dogs, & exploding eyeballs with a fake Jamaican cherry on top!
While all these aspects make for some top-level ridiculousness, I think it's important not to let them totally distract from the messages that are present.
The writing is what really brought the story to life. It's told from the perspective of David, who is incredibly witty & has a lot of insightful things to say about why humans behave the way they do. Sure, he is disparaging & crude in his commentary, but there's a ribbon of raw truth beneath it all that makes David an intensely relatable character.
It's almost uncomfortable how Wong forces his audience to face the juxtaposition of deeply relevant ideas next to a black, self-depreciating humor & a consistent stream of stomach-churning violence. But it's cleverly constructed & mostly positive experience.
The plot of this one is strange.
Like, super strange.
There were a couple times where it lost my complete attention. I would catch myself sort of glossing over some of the filler details of the scenario, but on the whole I still found it enjoyable.
Also I must say I'm relieved to read an Epilogue that I won't have to spend the rest of my life pretending doesn't exist. Lookin' at you Rowling.
One other thing I didn't love about this book was it's use of offensive language. I can tell that it was used to characterize & set a tone of cynicism, but it was a little too liberally applied for my tastes.
I wanted to add this as more of a caution for others because truthfully there's a ton of offensive stuff in this book, but the language in particular made me grit my teeth a couple of times. I was still able to enjoy the story, but it's worth mentioning.
This is going to be a novel I will recommend with a discerning eye. No doubt this story will be too contemptuous for some to swallow (that one's for you John), but if a bizarre horror/comedy/mystery with a dash of philosophical genius & sprinkling of extra-fucking-weird sounds up your alley then this is a book for you!
April 25, 2017
"This stopped me. The cops called us? What, they got a ghost they want us to check out? Like we're fucking Scooby-Doo?"
Premise: David Wong and his friend John are kind of ghost-busters, they see things that others can't. This is because of a drug that they have consumed which is named soya-sauce for the lack of a better name and it does look a bit like that (apparently).
I liked it at the start. I really did. The jokes, the way the horror and humor were combined made me keep on turning the pages. There were lots of action scenes and the story reached it's climax. I thought we are done and it would have been a good ending but then the author decided
The Part 2 of the book commenced. The story started feeling disjointed and I was losing track as to how all this is connected to the first part. It started getting frustrating, the jokes got old, the action scene started getting dis-interesting. And finally when I thought this book is going to get over...
We started with the Part 3!!. This was the part where I actually thought of DNFing the book but some perverse sense of self-torture made me continue reading this. I had completed around 60% of the book and did not want to abandon this. I also really wanted to know how the author is going to wrap up this trainwreck of a story. The Epilogue itself was soo big that I just wanted it to be over. Skimming through the book made even less sense of what I was reading as the story just jumped around and I had to read everything like a good little girl.
Did the ending make sense?- Yes, yes it did.
Will I be picking up the next book of this series?
Premise: David Wong and his friend John are kind of ghost-busters, they see things that others can't. This is because of a drug that they have consumed which is named soya-sauce for the lack of a better name and it does look a bit like that (apparently).
I liked it at the start. I really did. The jokes, the way the horror and humor were combined made me keep on turning the pages. There were lots of action scenes and the story reached it's climax. I thought we are done and it would have been a good ending but then the author decided
The Part 2 of the book commenced. The story started feeling disjointed and I was losing track as to how all this is connected to the first part. It started getting frustrating, the jokes got old, the action scene started getting dis-interesting. And finally when I thought this book is going to get over...
We started with the Part 3!!. This was the part where I actually thought of DNFing the book but some perverse sense of self-torture made me continue reading this. I had completed around 60% of the book and did not want to abandon this. I also really wanted to know how the author is going to wrap up this trainwreck of a story. The Epilogue itself was soo big that I just wanted it to be over. Skimming through the book made even less sense of what I was reading as the story just jumped around and I had to read everything like a good little girl.
Did the ending make sense?- Yes, yes it did.
Will I be picking up the next book of this series?
May 11, 2021
So weird! Like watching a psychedelic train wreck orchestrated by HP Lovecraft and not being able to look away no matter how strange and terrifying it gets.
I see some categorize this as Urban Fantasy and I can see that. It is not exactly like the other books I have read in that genre, but it does have some elements. Also, I tend not to care for Urban Fantasy, but I liked this one.
I cannot say that I was always following what was going on, but I think disorientation was the point!
Also, lots of comedy here – pretty good mashup of horror, comedy, mystery, etc. I found myself both laughing my butt off and disgusted at the same time. So, I have no butt and I want to puke . . . doesn’t it sound like a great place to be?
As mentioned above, I cannot say that I always understood or followed the odd story progression, but I enjoyed it and I am curious to see what the sequels have to offer.
I see some categorize this as Urban Fantasy and I can see that. It is not exactly like the other books I have read in that genre, but it does have some elements. Also, I tend not to care for Urban Fantasy, but I liked this one.
I cannot say that I was always following what was going on, but I think disorientation was the point!
Also, lots of comedy here – pretty good mashup of horror, comedy, mystery, etc. I found myself both laughing my butt off and disgusted at the same time. So, I have no butt and I want to puke . . . doesn’t it sound like a great place to be?
As mentioned above, I cannot say that I always understood or followed the odd story progression, but I enjoyed it and I am curious to see what the sequels have to offer.
April 5, 2019
A tangled quagmire of whatthehell.
Reminiscent of Hunter S. Thompson and maybe William Burroughs, this eschews stream of consciousness but revels in surrealism and absurdity. Telling a Lovecraftian / Ghostbusters tale, at best it is fun and well crafted, at worst it devolves into a prolonged fart joke.
Interestingly, this began as a web serial back in 2001 with tens of thousands of fans enjoying the snark for free before it was finally all put together in a paperback in 2007. The online versions were removed in 2008.
Like a ten-minute Saturday Night Live skit stretched out to make a two-hour movie, much of the laugh out loud hilarity of the first 50 pages are diluted by the end. To his credit, author David Wong produces many smiles and giggles along the way and also explores some serious themes of bullying and social justice. These islands of clarity and sober introspection keep this from flying off the pages into a sophomoric mess.
Still fun and overall an enjoyable read.
Reminiscent of Hunter S. Thompson and maybe William Burroughs, this eschews stream of consciousness but revels in surrealism and absurdity. Telling a Lovecraftian / Ghostbusters tale, at best it is fun and well crafted, at worst it devolves into a prolonged fart joke.
Interestingly, this began as a web serial back in 2001 with tens of thousands of fans enjoying the snark for free before it was finally all put together in a paperback in 2007. The online versions were removed in 2008.
Like a ten-minute Saturday Night Live skit stretched out to make a two-hour movie, much of the laugh out loud hilarity of the first 50 pages are diluted by the end. To his credit, author David Wong produces many smiles and giggles along the way and also explores some serious themes of bullying and social justice. These islands of clarity and sober introspection keep this from flying off the pages into a sophomoric mess.
Still fun and overall an enjoyable read.
December 11, 2016
“The man-shaped arrangement of meat rose up, as if functioning as one body. It pushed itself up on two arms made of game hens and country bacon, planting two hands with sausage-link fingers on the floor. The phrase “sodomized by a bratwurst poltergeist” suddenly flew through my mind. Finally it stood fully upright, looking like the mascot for a butcher shop whose profits went entirely to support the owner’s acid habit.”
The above quote from the prologue sets the tone very nicely for John Dies at the End. It really is a wild ride of a book. I became interested in this book a few years ago when I heard it was being adapted into a movie back in 2012. The title alone is quite intriguing; here is a book that seems to spoil its own ending from the title, that is something new. Of course, the title does not really spoil the book but it is a damn good hook. I added it on my TBR and it languished there for several years. I think it was priced quite expensively at the time, something over USD 10 for a 376 pages book, so I put it on the backburner. A couple of weeks ago Amazon offered the e-book for a limited time at USD 2.76 so I was quite happy to snap it up.
John Dies at the End is more about David Wong—the character, not the author*—than it is about John. Dave and John are besties in thegrand Excellent! tradition of Bill and Ted.
David Wong, in spite of the name, is not Chinese, he prefers to use a pseudonym for the sake of anonymity. At the beginning of the book, it seems that John and Dave are some kind of Ghostbusters who are called to investigate or exorcise spirits, demons or any kind of supernatural entities. As a pair of paranormal investigators, they are more similar to Sam and Dean Winchester from the CW series “Supernatural” than the Ghostbusters team or The X-Files’ Mulder and Scully. After the encounter with the Meat Monster in the prologue, the narrative rewinds to the beginning of their paranormal investigation career. John and Dave are exposed to a weird substance nicknamed “Soy Sauce” that enables them to see supernatural or pandimensional beings from other dimensions. Immediately they become embroiled in a plot by shadowy beings to corrupt and take over our reality. John Dies at the End is basically the story of the duo’s struggle to save the world.
The main body of the narrative is nested inside a frame story where Dave is being interviewed by a reporter who specializes in paranormal stories. From beginning to end it is a very fast-paced narrative, and never really slow down to take a breather. I usually enjoy fast paced page turners but I feel it is overdone here. Incident piles upon incident in rapid succession, not much time is spent on expositions or character development. I felt like I was hanging on to the narrative by the skin of my teeth. This has the ironic effect of the book becoming a little monotonous toward the end. On the plus side there are quite a lot of bizarre sights to see; wig monsters, gigantic blobby monsters, flying parasites, ghosts, clones, exploding dogs and policemen, copious amount of blood and poo etc.
Wig Monsters by FlammablePerson
There is also an unpleasant parallel dimension our heroes amusingly name “Shit Narnia”. There is plenty to keep me interested, but not a lot to care about. I think it comes down to characterization. John and Dave are likable enough duo with their bantering, flippant attitude, defiance of authority and penis jokes. However, I feel that there is insufficient depth to them to carry almost 400 pages of narrative. Thankfully there is a little bit of romance between Dave and a girl called Amy which provides a nice bit of light and shade to the inexorable narrative. It also gives Dave an opportunity to become a hero instead of a smartass.
The prose style seems to be aimed at teenaged boys, however, the often NSFW adolescent humour did make me chuckle quite a few times. The author writes a bit like Andy Weir on speed, though, for me, the humour here works better than The Martian. My only complaint is the relentless pacing which sometimes makes the narrative feel overly chaotic and even a bit of a mess. It becomes oddly exhausting toward the end of the book. Even the epilogue seems excessively long and the pacing is still not winding down. While reading the last twenty or so pages I felt the book outstayed it's welcome a little; I suspect 300 pages would have been just right.
Having said all that I don’t want to give the impression that John Dies at the End is bad or dull. It is a fun book, possibly ideal for readers with short attention span, or those looking for nonstop thrills. I don’t think I am on board for the sequel This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It, but it has a higher GR rating than this book so I may change my mind later if I fancy reading something wild. Certainly, I have no regret reading this book. If you are looking for a funny, wild, and anarchic sci-fi horror adventure this could do very well. If you are cautious perhaps you can try a sample chapter from Amazon, the book does start with a bang, and the prologue is quite representative of the entire book.
* The author's use of the David Wong pen name lends his first person narration an air of verisimilitude, and a "meta" feel. His real name, Jason Pargin, is no secret, it is mentioned in the introduction to the book, written by eccentric filmmaker, Don Coscarelli, who directed the film adaptation and also a few weird movies like Phantasm and Bubba Ho-Tep.
____________________
Quotes
If I had known what was about to happen at work I wouldn’t have gone, of course. I would also have taken off my pants.
Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a million zombies.
“You have tormented me six times. Now prepare to meat your doom!” I have no way of knowing that it actually said “meat” instead of “meet” but I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt. I ran.
“Good. Anyway, Amy is missing and the scene is weird as shit. The situation has a real Lovecraft feel to it. Though, you know, if you come over it’ll be more of an Anne Rice situation. If you know what I mean. Because you’re gay.”
“Dave? It’s me. Amy’s missing and we got what looks like a bag full of fat here. It’s weird. And I mean ‘bad’ weird, not ‘clown’ weird.
There was a time when I would have found the idea of certain death a little comforting, like being on the last day of a job I hated.
The Meat Monster from the movie adaptation
The above quote from the prologue sets the tone very nicely for John Dies at the End. It really is a wild ride of a book. I became interested in this book a few years ago when I heard it was being adapted into a movie back in 2012. The title alone is quite intriguing; here is a book that seems to spoil its own ending from the title, that is something new. Of course, the title does not really spoil the book but it is a damn good hook. I added it on my TBR and it languished there for several years. I think it was priced quite expensively at the time, something over USD 10 for a 376 pages book, so I put it on the backburner. A couple of weeks ago Amazon offered the e-book for a limited time at USD 2.76 so I was quite happy to snap it up.
John Dies at the End is more about David Wong—the character, not the author*—than it is about John. Dave and John are besties in the
David Wong, in spite of the name, is not Chinese, he prefers to use a pseudonym for the sake of anonymity. At the beginning of the book, it seems that John and Dave are some kind of Ghostbusters who are called to investigate or exorcise spirits, demons or any kind of supernatural entities. As a pair of paranormal investigators, they are more similar to Sam and Dean Winchester from the CW series “Supernatural” than the Ghostbusters team or The X-Files’ Mulder and Scully. After the encounter with the Meat Monster in the prologue, the narrative rewinds to the beginning of their paranormal investigation career. John and Dave are exposed to a weird substance nicknamed “Soy Sauce” that enables them to see supernatural or pandimensional beings from other dimensions. Immediately they become embroiled in a plot by shadowy beings to corrupt and take over our reality. John Dies at the End is basically the story of the duo’s struggle to save the world.
The main body of the narrative is nested inside a frame story where Dave is being interviewed by a reporter who specializes in paranormal stories. From beginning to end it is a very fast-paced narrative, and never really slow down to take a breather. I usually enjoy fast paced page turners but I feel it is overdone here. Incident piles upon incident in rapid succession, not much time is spent on expositions or character development. I felt like I was hanging on to the narrative by the skin of my teeth. This has the ironic effect of the book becoming a little monotonous toward the end. On the plus side there are quite a lot of bizarre sights to see; wig monsters, gigantic blobby monsters, flying parasites, ghosts, clones, exploding dogs and policemen, copious amount of blood and poo etc.
Wig Monsters by FlammablePerson
There is also an unpleasant parallel dimension our heroes amusingly name “Shit Narnia”. There is plenty to keep me interested, but not a lot to care about. I think it comes down to characterization. John and Dave are likable enough duo with their bantering, flippant attitude, defiance of authority and penis jokes. However, I feel that there is insufficient depth to them to carry almost 400 pages of narrative. Thankfully there is a little bit of romance between Dave and a girl called Amy which provides a nice bit of light and shade to the inexorable narrative. It also gives Dave an opportunity to become a hero instead of a smartass.
The prose style seems to be aimed at teenaged boys, however, the often NSFW adolescent humour did make me chuckle quite a few times. The author writes a bit like Andy Weir on speed, though, for me, the humour here works better than The Martian. My only complaint is the relentless pacing which sometimes makes the narrative feel overly chaotic and even a bit of a mess. It becomes oddly exhausting toward the end of the book. Even the epilogue seems excessively long and the pacing is still not winding down. While reading the last twenty or so pages I felt the book outstayed it's welcome a little; I suspect 300 pages would have been just right.
Having said all that I don’t want to give the impression that John Dies at the End is bad or dull. It is a fun book, possibly ideal for readers with short attention span, or those looking for nonstop thrills. I don’t think I am on board for the sequel This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It, but it has a higher GR rating than this book so I may change my mind later if I fancy reading something wild. Certainly, I have no regret reading this book. If you are looking for a funny, wild, and anarchic sci-fi horror adventure this could do very well. If you are cautious perhaps you can try a sample chapter from Amazon, the book does start with a bang, and the prologue is quite representative of the entire book.
* The author's use of the David Wong pen name lends his first person narration an air of verisimilitude, and a "meta" feel. His real name, Jason Pargin, is no secret, it is mentioned in the introduction to the book, written by eccentric filmmaker, Don Coscarelli, who directed the film adaptation and also a few weird movies like Phantasm and Bubba Ho-Tep.
____________________
Quotes
If I had known what was about to happen at work I wouldn’t have gone, of course. I would also have taken off my pants.
Something coming back from the dead was almost always bad news. Movies taught me that. For every one Jesus you get a million zombies.
“You have tormented me six times. Now prepare to meat your doom!” I have no way of knowing that it actually said “meat” instead of “meet” but I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt. I ran.
“Good. Anyway, Amy is missing and the scene is weird as shit. The situation has a real Lovecraft feel to it. Though, you know, if you come over it’ll be more of an Anne Rice situation. If you know what I mean. Because you’re gay.”
“Dave? It’s me. Amy’s missing and we got what looks like a bag full of fat here. It’s weird. And I mean ‘bad’ weird, not ‘clown’ weird.
There was a time when I would have found the idea of certain death a little comforting, like being on the last day of a job I hated.
The Meat Monster from the movie adaptation
September 5, 2017
There are only 2 kind of people in the world:
Those who look at the title JOHN DIES AT THE END, shrugs and goes on with their lives.
The other does a double take, takes a second to consider if this might actually be the best title for a novel...EVER!, fails to think of a better one and HAVE to find out more.
You can probably guess which one I am.
If you are looking for a book with hidden depths, a philosophical discussion on human life and a deeply beautiful message, this is not that book! It was written (and should be read) for pure entertainment. If you allow yourself this little down time and take the story for what it is, you will laugh your ass off.
I'll admit that I was fascinated by the title and blurb, and have been looking forward to reading it so much that I was worried I might be setting myself up for a huge disappointment...I've read somewhere that somebody said it was like taking a bad LSD trip and giggling all the way.
But, while it may be a little weirder in places than the things I normally prefer to read, the writer was always able to pull me back without losing me in the story.
This will not fall in everybody's taste, but if you're willing to take the ride with the right attitude, I can recommend it for you.
And, if you do, there is this one scene (I think it was around the 270 page mark), where David meets Mr. North, that gave me giggling fits for two days.
Enjoy this one!
Those who look at the title JOHN DIES AT THE END, shrugs and goes on with their lives.
The other does a double take, takes a second to consider if this might actually be the best title for a novel...EVER!, fails to think of a better one and HAVE to find out more.
You can probably guess which one I am.
If you are looking for a book with hidden depths, a philosophical discussion on human life and a deeply beautiful message, this is not that book! It was written (and should be read) for pure entertainment. If you allow yourself this little down time and take the story for what it is, you will laugh your ass off.
I'll admit that I was fascinated by the title and blurb, and have been looking forward to reading it so much that I was worried I might be setting myself up for a huge disappointment...I've read somewhere that somebody said it was like taking a bad LSD trip and giggling all the way.
But, while it may be a little weirder in places than the things I normally prefer to read, the writer was always able to pull me back without losing me in the story.
This will not fall in everybody's taste, but if you're willing to take the ride with the right attitude, I can recommend it for you.
And, if you do, there is this one scene (I think it was around the 270 page mark), where David meets Mr. North, that gave me giggling fits for two days.
Enjoy this one!
December 5, 2014
2.5
So... Um... Well, that was, erm, something all right...
So I suppose I should start off by saying it's not quite what I was expecting but, of course, the logical follow-up to that would be "well, what were you expecting?", and I'd have to say "I'm not really sure. But that wasn't it."
But I think one thing I was expecting was a different kind of humor. Maybe something more along the lines of A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore, or even 'Army of Darkness' with Bruce Campbell.
Not to say it didn't have humor. It had a lot of wry dialogue and snarky asides and random absurdity - which I generally liked - and also a lot of frat-boy type dick humor - which, not so much.
It also had a lot of gore, and action, and gore, and haphazard plotting, and gore, and weirdness, and did I mention gore?
It's a book where, when I read it and was able to get into the actual plot-line of strange things from another dimension trying to break their way into ours, I could actually go along for the ride and be kind of scared and disturbed and sort of enjoy the general wtf-osity of the whole thing.
But when I put the book down I didn't really feel much impetus to put it back up. I didn't really connect with the characters or care so much about what was going on, though, as I said, it was interesting and kind of cool when I was reading it.
But it seemed to drag a lot in the middle, mostly because of this lack of care, and it felt just generally repetitive - David tries to ignore shit while John seeks it out, David gets caught up in the action, shit goes down, things blow up for no apparent reason except that it's cool that things should blow up in the most gruesome way possible, the day is saved, things settle down, rinse, wash, repeat.
It got kind of blah after awhile, and even the weirdness and gore didn't have much of an effect aside from "oh look, there's more".
But it shifted towards the end and started to shift focus onto the characters and people and things actually mattering, and I started to feel invested in the story. I was on tenterhooks, towards the end, waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop, and then...
Well, that would be spoilery.
But I will say that it definitely got a bit more cohesive at the end but, overall, I think it could've been tighter and less rambly and while I did sort of generally like it, overall, I still feel no real compulsion to get back into it and I doubt I'd actively seek out the next book that is, apparently, in the making.
I might see the movie, though. (2.75 stars)
So... Um... Well, that was, erm, something all right...
So I suppose I should start off by saying it's not quite what I was expecting but, of course, the logical follow-up to that would be "well, what were you expecting?", and I'd have to say "I'm not really sure. But that wasn't it."
But I think one thing I was expecting was a different kind of humor. Maybe something more along the lines of A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore, or even 'Army of Darkness' with Bruce Campbell.
Not to say it didn't have humor. It had a lot of wry dialogue and snarky asides and random absurdity - which I generally liked - and also a lot of frat-boy type dick humor - which, not so much.
It also had a lot of gore, and action, and gore, and haphazard plotting, and gore, and weirdness, and did I mention gore?
It's a book where, when I read it and was able to get into the actual plot-line of strange things from another dimension trying to break their way into ours, I could actually go along for the ride and be kind of scared and disturbed and sort of enjoy the general wtf-osity of the whole thing.
But when I put the book down I didn't really feel much impetus to put it back up. I didn't really connect with the characters or care so much about what was going on, though, as I said, it was interesting and kind of cool when I was reading it.
But it seemed to drag a lot in the middle, mostly because of this lack of care, and it felt just generally repetitive - David tries to ignore shit while John seeks it out, David gets caught up in the action, shit goes down, things blow up for no apparent reason except that it's cool that things should blow up in the most gruesome way possible, the day is saved, things settle down, rinse, wash, repeat.
It got kind of blah after awhile, and even the weirdness and gore didn't have much of an effect aside from "oh look, there's more".
But it shifted towards the end and started to shift focus onto the characters and people and things actually mattering, and I started to feel invested in the story. I was on tenterhooks, towards the end, waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop, and then...
Well, that would be spoilery.
But I will say that it definitely got a bit more cohesive at the end but, overall, I think it could've been tighter and less rambly and while I did sort of generally like it, overall, I still feel no real compulsion to get back into it and I doubt I'd actively seek out the next book that is, apparently, in the making.
I might see the movie, though. (2.75 stars)
May 17, 2013
**MILD SPOILERS IN THE FORM OF DIRECT QUOTES WHICH DON'T REALLY TELL YOU ANYTHING ABOUT THE STORY**
5 REASONS THIS MAY BE THE BEST BOOK YOU'LL EVER READ
#5. It's Literally Lough-Out-Loud Funny
I know it's not generally cool to slag off other people's book reviews. It's their subjective opinion, they're entitled, freedom of speech, blahdy blahdy blah. But the number of GR reviews for this book which contain the words "juvenile humour" and then proceed to dismiss the book's worth on that basis is just ridiculous. They're cock jokes. They're funny. And smart people ARE allowed to laugh at them. If you're stupid enough to believe in the idea that humour negates intelligence, you're too stupid to live, never mind cast aspersions on the intelligence of the author.
Right. Now back to the juvenile humour...
#4. RAW Would Approve
Surrealism, pop culture references, quantum mechanics, discordianism, conspiracy theories, irreverance and respect for a good old-fashioned pun... All the elements that made Robert Anton Wilson's work so brilliant, thought-provoking and genuinely entertaining are present in David Wong's book too.
#3. The Dude Can WRITE
A good writer identifies the inconsistencies in his story and goes back to correct them. Only a great writer would identify the inconsistencies, list them and cite them as evidence that he lies when he is nervous. Well, only a great writer who is also funny at any rate.
#2. It Brings The Lovecraft
David Wong has earned the Lovecraft comparisons that are frequently found in his book reviews. He manages to do it, not through obvious references to sea monstery elder gods, but by doing what Lovecraft did best: Appealing to the reader's deepest, darkest imagination. He describes the horror the protagonist feels, then allows you to fill in the blanks with the things that scare you the most, and it works. This book is genuinely terrifying in parts. Best of all, he does it without Lovecraft's lengthy (sometimes overly lengthy) descriptive prose. Amazon's buyer recommendations for this book said it all - The more obvious bizarro-comedic-horror titles, a cracked.com book, Lovecraft plus a Pulitzer Prize winner.
#1. Girls Fart In This
Is there any better indicator of a book being grounded in reality than a female character softly farting? Seriously. I cannot remember ever reading that in a book before. There should be more of it.
5 REASONS THIS MAY BE THE BEST BOOK YOU'LL EVER READ
#5. It's Literally Lough-Out-Loud Funny
I know it's not generally cool to slag off other people's book reviews. It's their subjective opinion, they're entitled, freedom of speech, blahdy blahdy blah. But the number of GR reviews for this book which contain the words "juvenile humour" and then proceed to dismiss the book's worth on that basis is just ridiculous. They're cock jokes. They're funny. And smart people ARE allowed to laugh at them. If you're stupid enough to believe in the idea that humour negates intelligence, you're too stupid to live, never mind cast aspersions on the intelligence of the author.
Right. Now back to the juvenile humour...
#4. RAW Would Approve
Surrealism, pop culture references, quantum mechanics, discordianism, conspiracy theories, irreverance and respect for a good old-fashioned pun... All the elements that made Robert Anton Wilson's work so brilliant, thought-provoking and genuinely entertaining are present in David Wong's book too.
#3. The Dude Can WRITE
A good writer identifies the inconsistencies in his story and goes back to correct them. Only a great writer would identify the inconsistencies, list them and cite them as evidence that he lies when he is nervous. Well, only a great writer who is also funny at any rate.
#2. It Brings The Lovecraft
David Wong has earned the Lovecraft comparisons that are frequently found in his book reviews. He manages to do it, not through obvious references to sea monstery elder gods, but by doing what Lovecraft did best: Appealing to the reader's deepest, darkest imagination. He describes the horror the protagonist feels, then allows you to fill in the blanks with the things that scare you the most, and it works. This book is genuinely terrifying in parts. Best of all, he does it without Lovecraft's lengthy (sometimes overly lengthy) descriptive prose. Amazon's buyer recommendations for this book said it all - The more obvious bizarro-comedic-horror titles, a cracked.com book, Lovecraft plus a Pulitzer Prize winner.
#1. Girls Fart In This
Is there any better indicator of a book being grounded in reality than a female character softly farting? Seriously. I cannot remember ever reading that in a book before. There should be more of it.
November 8, 2009
(WARNING: The following is not a well-balanced, conscientious review.)
John Dies at the End dies before it even reaches the first chapter.
The story - such as it is - revolves around the typical gross-out paranormal-type activity that made Kevin Smith's "Dogma" such a success (think "It's a shit monster!" and you've pretty much got the idea of what seems to have inspired this book). Within the first 20 pages, the reader is witness to blood, copious amounts of excrement, a flaccid - and gratuitous - penis, "invisible" spiders, a quasi-sluglike creature (in anecdotal form, but the visual is present nonetheless), a soupy concoction of greenish slime that instantly turns blood red (herein spelled "bloodred") upon human touch, the promise of sodomy with a bratwurst, etc.
The inside of the book jacket warns the reader to "Stop," that "You should not have touched this book with your bare hands," and that it is "too late" to put the fucking thing down - that you're stuck reading the goddamn thing because the fucking author says that it is (ooohhh!) a scary book! He goes on to say that he's "terribly sorry to have involved you in this." He really is.
Right.
And there is no author David Wong. The story is narrated by David Wong, but David Wong is really just Cracked.com writer Jason Pargin sitting at his computer, making crap up as he goes along. Is it "terrifying" (The Onion)? A "page-turner" (Don Coscarelli, producer of "Bubba Ho-tep")? One of the most "entertaining and addictive novels" Jacob Kier, publisher of Permuted Press, has ever read?
I don't know. Maybe. I can't get past the forced hispter trash of which those first twenty pages reeks. I can't see anything beyond the hunched form of Jason Pargin pecking out words and phrases in front of his computer. Just making shit up. Just whatever strikes him as formulating a part of a "good story," he'll write up.
Sure - this is an "unfair" review of the book - after all, I was personally unable to trudge any further than that first useless sequence of bullshit events. But there's no challenge in here, other than concealing the revulsion of the author's grotesque imagery here.
John Dies at the End - I'll have to take "David Wong's" word for it. I'm not wasting any time in discovering how, exactly. I don't care about John. I don't care about David fucking Wong, or the make-believe shitstorm this fictional character finds himself stuck in by an over-zealous author (who, by the way, hopes that you'll be alive to see the sequel to John Dies at the End. A sequel to this!? Bastard!).
How dare Jason Pargin allow trees to be sacrificed for this piece of supercilious garbage! How fucking dare he! What the hell kind of a world is it when this trash gets not only serious consideration for publication, but an actual book contract? A book release? Jesus Christ Almighty, what a world this is!
Goddamn it! What a horrendous fuckpot of a wretched piece of fetid, blistering donkey tit! You're damned right I should not have touched this thing with my bare hands! Gahhhh!!! Fuck! Fuck!! FUCK!!!
---
Wow. That felt really, really good. Thanks, Mr. Pargin, for giving me a valid reason to release all the pent-up rage I've stored in for so very long. I needed that.
No, seriously - thank you from the very bottom of my heart. You're a good man. I'll never forget this.
And now, I could sure use a cigarette.
John Dies at the End dies before it even reaches the first chapter.
The story - such as it is - revolves around the typical gross-out paranormal-type activity that made Kevin Smith's "Dogma" such a success (think "It's a shit monster!" and you've pretty much got the idea of what seems to have inspired this book). Within the first 20 pages, the reader is witness to blood, copious amounts of excrement, a flaccid - and gratuitous - penis, "invisible" spiders, a quasi-sluglike creature (in anecdotal form, but the visual is present nonetheless), a soupy concoction of greenish slime that instantly turns blood red (herein spelled "bloodred") upon human touch, the promise of sodomy with a bratwurst, etc.
The inside of the book jacket warns the reader to "Stop," that "You should not have touched this book with your bare hands," and that it is "too late" to put the fucking thing down - that you're stuck reading the goddamn thing because the fucking author says that it is (ooohhh!) a scary book! He goes on to say that he's "terribly sorry to have involved you in this." He really is.
Right.
And there is no author David Wong. The story is narrated by David Wong, but David Wong is really just Cracked.com writer Jason Pargin sitting at his computer, making crap up as he goes along. Is it "terrifying" (The Onion)? A "page-turner" (Don Coscarelli, producer of "Bubba Ho-tep")? One of the most "entertaining and addictive novels" Jacob Kier, publisher of Permuted Press, has ever read?
I don't know. Maybe. I can't get past the forced hispter trash of which those first twenty pages reeks. I can't see anything beyond the hunched form of Jason Pargin pecking out words and phrases in front of his computer. Just making shit up. Just whatever strikes him as formulating a part of a "good story," he'll write up.
Sure - this is an "unfair" review of the book - after all, I was personally unable to trudge any further than that first useless sequence of bullshit events. But there's no challenge in here, other than concealing the revulsion of the author's grotesque imagery here.
John Dies at the End - I'll have to take "David Wong's" word for it. I'm not wasting any time in discovering how, exactly. I don't care about John. I don't care about David fucking Wong, or the make-believe shitstorm this fictional character finds himself stuck in by an over-zealous author (who, by the way, hopes that you'll be alive to see the sequel to John Dies at the End. A sequel to this!? Bastard!).
How dare Jason Pargin allow trees to be sacrificed for this piece of supercilious garbage! How fucking dare he! What the hell kind of a world is it when this trash gets not only serious consideration for publication, but an actual book contract? A book release? Jesus Christ Almighty, what a world this is!
Goddamn it! What a horrendous fuckpot of a wretched piece of fetid, blistering donkey tit! You're damned right I should not have touched this thing with my bare hands! Gahhhh!!! Fuck! Fuck!! FUCK!!!
---
Wow. That felt really, really good. Thanks, Mr. Pargin, for giving me a valid reason to release all the pent-up rage I've stored in for so very long. I needed that.
No, seriously - thank you from the very bottom of my heart. You're a good man. I'll never forget this.
And now, I could sure use a cigarette.
June 30, 2013
Don't let the spoilerish title fool you... John Dies At The End is full of surprises!
Life is full of millions of choices. And while some are instantly recognized as "life-choices" (like getting married or picking a career path), others are deceptively innocent. But even the smallest of choices can have huge consequences. That's the hard lesson David Wong learned when he decided to challenge a hack street-magician at a concert. Had Wong simply rolled his eyes and kept walking, his life may not have turned into the horror story it became. We all make millions of choices, and any one of them can ruin our lives forever...now THAT is true horror!
I was very pleasantly surprised by "John Dies At The End" Having read many of his articles on Cracked.com, I knew David Wong possessed a great sense of humor, so I fully expected his book to be funny, but what I wasn't anticipating is how great he is at writing horror as well! Wong's imagination is almost limitless, as he manages to concoct some of the most bizarre creatures I've ever read about, and his ability to channel fear and dread is so strong, it's unfathomable to me that this is his first novel! In fact, I would have loved to have given this book five stars, but there was one problem that constantly detracted from my enjoyment...it's gross...it's really, really gross! As much as there is to admire about this book, the non-stop barrage of potty humor and crudeness makes it a difficult one to recommend to people...
This girl would not get past page 5 of "John Dies At The End"!
After a prologue which expertly depicts the bizarre world David Wong lives in, the majority of the book is comprised of two flashback sequences that explain how Dave's life has gotten to this point. The two flashbacks are bridged together by a framing sequence involving a present-day conversation Dave is having with a reporter who is investigating Dave's claim to be some kind of "monster-hunter". The rather unconventional story structure is just part of the book's charm, as Wong's narrative keeps flipping from past to present, yet it rarely gets confusing and Wong often peppers it with some tantalizing foreshadowing. The first segment covers Dave's first foray into the paranormal, in which he's joined by his smart-ass friend John. After he taunts a wannabe magician as an obvious hoax, Dave is exposed to a substance that seems peculiarly like soy sauce, yet the phony magician claims it will actually expose Dave to the world of the supernatural...
One drop of this magical soy sauce will have a horrible effect on your body...actually, that's kinda how I feel about regular soy sauce, too!
Soon after experiencing the soy sauce of doom, Dave's world falls apart. He begins to see grotesque creatures all around him. People in his life are brutally murdered and Wong finds himself the chief suspect (sometimes even in his own eyes). Soon Dave and John learn that something from another world wants to enter our own, something truly evil and deadly. Thus begins their often-hilarious quest to save our world from a malicious entity of Lovecraftian proportions. Between John's "so-stupid-it's-funny" humor, and Dave's rapier wit, I was howling with laughter throughout most of the first segment.
After the events of the first segment, Dave & John try to get back to what I'll generously refer to as their "normal" lives, which leads to the second segment, where they soon discover that evil from another world is still trying to invade ours...but this time they're targeting Dave and John directly. The second segment doesn't have as much humor as the first, but it more than makes up for this in dramatic storytelling. In the second story, the battle is much more personal and the stakes are much higher. It's here that Wong's talent as an author truly shines. While he already displayed much creativity and wit in the first half, Wong manages to invoke more emotions to tell a very powerful story in the second half. At times, reading this was like a greatest hits collection of the works of Christopher Moore and Stephen King, the way Wong could blend humor and horror together and give equal weight to both genres. All in all, this was an amazing book to read...except...
Look, let's get something out of the way, I'm hardly a prude. My tastes aren't exactly sophisticated, and I've been known to chuckle at a tasteless joke or two...
I think Not Another Teen Movie is one of the funniest comedies ever made...please tell no one of this!
That being said, I did find the gross-out factor of this book to be beyond excessive. There are so many poop jokes, even Beavis and Butt-Head would find this book to be a bit much. And while I applaud Wong's vast imagination in creating new horrors, at times it seems like he's just trying too hard to disgust his readers. In addition to potty humor, Wong displays an almost-obsessive fascination with insects (one segment even involves a man made entirely out of cockroaches), and just when you think Wong can't possibly manage to make bugs any more gross, he finds a way to top himself. It can be almost infuriating, as Wong clearly has a true talent for horror. In his best moments, Wong shows great promise and depth as a writer, which makes it all the more baffling why he felt the need to take such a juvenile approach at times...
If you have a love for dark comedy (as well as a really strong stomach), "John Dies At The End" should be a wild ride for you. However, anyone who's even a bit squeamish (particularly when it comes to insects and...y'know, that bodily function no one ever talks about in polite company) may want to avoid this one. Still, considering his undeniable talent, if David Wong can reign in his love for toilet humor, I have no doubt one of his books will make it on my "Favorites" shelf some day!
Life is full of millions of choices. And while some are instantly recognized as "life-choices" (like getting married or picking a career path), others are deceptively innocent. But even the smallest of choices can have huge consequences. That's the hard lesson David Wong learned when he decided to challenge a hack street-magician at a concert. Had Wong simply rolled his eyes and kept walking, his life may not have turned into the horror story it became. We all make millions of choices, and any one of them can ruin our lives forever...now THAT is true horror!
I was very pleasantly surprised by "John Dies At The End" Having read many of his articles on Cracked.com, I knew David Wong possessed a great sense of humor, so I fully expected his book to be funny, but what I wasn't anticipating is how great he is at writing horror as well! Wong's imagination is almost limitless, as he manages to concoct some of the most bizarre creatures I've ever read about, and his ability to channel fear and dread is so strong, it's unfathomable to me that this is his first novel! In fact, I would have loved to have given this book five stars, but there was one problem that constantly detracted from my enjoyment...it's gross...it's really, really gross! As much as there is to admire about this book, the non-stop barrage of potty humor and crudeness makes it a difficult one to recommend to people...
This girl would not get past page 5 of "John Dies At The End"!
After a prologue which expertly depicts the bizarre world David Wong lives in, the majority of the book is comprised of two flashback sequences that explain how Dave's life has gotten to this point. The two flashbacks are bridged together by a framing sequence involving a present-day conversation Dave is having with a reporter who is investigating Dave's claim to be some kind of "monster-hunter". The rather unconventional story structure is just part of the book's charm, as Wong's narrative keeps flipping from past to present, yet it rarely gets confusing and Wong often peppers it with some tantalizing foreshadowing. The first segment covers Dave's first foray into the paranormal, in which he's joined by his smart-ass friend John. After he taunts a wannabe magician as an obvious hoax, Dave is exposed to a substance that seems peculiarly like soy sauce, yet the phony magician claims it will actually expose Dave to the world of the supernatural...
One drop of this magical soy sauce will have a horrible effect on your body...actually, that's kinda how I feel about regular soy sauce, too!
Soon after experiencing the soy sauce of doom, Dave's world falls apart. He begins to see grotesque creatures all around him. People in his life are brutally murdered and Wong finds himself the chief suspect (sometimes even in his own eyes). Soon Dave and John learn that something from another world wants to enter our own, something truly evil and deadly. Thus begins their often-hilarious quest to save our world from a malicious entity of Lovecraftian proportions. Between John's "so-stupid-it's-funny" humor, and Dave's rapier wit, I was howling with laughter throughout most of the first segment.
After the events of the first segment, Dave & John try to get back to what I'll generously refer to as their "normal" lives, which leads to the second segment, where they soon discover that evil from another world is still trying to invade ours...but this time they're targeting Dave and John directly. The second segment doesn't have as much humor as the first, but it more than makes up for this in dramatic storytelling. In the second story, the battle is much more personal and the stakes are much higher. It's here that Wong's talent as an author truly shines. While he already displayed much creativity and wit in the first half, Wong manages to invoke more emotions to tell a very powerful story in the second half. At times, reading this was like a greatest hits collection of the works of Christopher Moore and Stephen King, the way Wong could blend humor and horror together and give equal weight to both genres. All in all, this was an amazing book to read...except...
Look, let's get something out of the way, I'm hardly a prude. My tastes aren't exactly sophisticated, and I've been known to chuckle at a tasteless joke or two...
I think Not Another Teen Movie is one of the funniest comedies ever made...please tell no one of this!
That being said, I did find the gross-out factor of this book to be beyond excessive. There are so many poop jokes, even Beavis and Butt-Head would find this book to be a bit much. And while I applaud Wong's vast imagination in creating new horrors, at times it seems like he's just trying too hard to disgust his readers. In addition to potty humor, Wong displays an almost-obsessive fascination with insects (one segment even involves a man made entirely out of cockroaches), and just when you think Wong can't possibly manage to make bugs any more gross, he finds a way to top himself. It can be almost infuriating, as Wong clearly has a true talent for horror. In his best moments, Wong shows great promise and depth as a writer, which makes it all the more baffling why he felt the need to take such a juvenile approach at times...
If you have a love for dark comedy (as well as a really strong stomach), "John Dies At The End" should be a wild ride for you. However, anyone who's even a bit squeamish (particularly when it comes to insects and...y'know, that bodily function no one ever talks about in polite company) may want to avoid this one. Still, considering his undeniable talent, if David Wong can reign in his love for toilet humor, I have no doubt one of his books will make it on my "Favorites" shelf some day!
April 23, 2015
Bullet Review:
Bleh. I tried and I tried and I tried to like this disgusting, gory, weird little book, and it just isn't happening. I'm sure there's an audience for this type of book, but it sure as hell ain't me. And, as I've said before, life's too short to be wasted on books I'm not liking.
Full Review:
I have to write a review for this? Really? And a plot summary? How do I even begin to sort through the batsh!t weird that happens in this book into a cohesive, comprehensive summary? Do I even really want to?
Dave and John are people to whom weird things happen, like fighting meat monsters, taking drugs called "Soy Sauce", and meeting Hair Monsters.
And really, beyond that, is there even a plot to this book? I get writing weird for the sake of weird, but isn't there some point in which you have to ask yourself, "Why?"
DNF around 55% (I stopped tracking at that point - I had stopped caring about the book much MUCH sooner)
David Wong is a lie; his name is actually Jason Pargin, and he is the editor-in-chief at Cracked.com. And in honor of the fact, I will be doing my review of this book in the form of most of their articles: A List.
6 Reasons Why This Book Makes No Sense to Me and Why I Am Probably a Robot in Disguise
1. I have tried to read these sorts of humor books in the past and failed. A few years back, I tried to read Year Zero and gave up. It wasn't funny! I didn't laugh! I just had my head cocked to the side going, "What is GOING ON?" And we all know that robots have trouble digesting humor - look at Data in "The Next Generation" movie!
2. Body functions, genitalia, big boobs, sex, and gore are not what I call funny. Oh, sure, I'll laugh at Buddy belching in "Elf" because it's absolutely ridiculous, but for the most part, there has to be a JOKE, a setup beyond "And so-and-so steps in a pile of dog poo" for me to laugh. Given the large number of comedies that function solely on this premise and continue to get made, this is another reason why I am most probably a robot.
3. I prefer female characters to have character beyond a name (preferably not a cheesy one-off joke about a celebrity) and a set of legs or boobs or nice ass. Again, this seems to be a rarity in this bipedal culture.
4. I prefer male characters to have character as well, beyond being drug addicts, alcoholics, and sex maniacs who joke about how huge their genitalia are. I am not sure if humans are familiar with the concept of "strengths, weakness, and hopes and dreams beyond getting laid with a hot set of breasts", but this is what constructs such as myself are looking for when we pick up a book, even one that is a humor book.
5. I liked Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy but not this. The oddities in "Hitchhiker's" spoke to me about the inanities of life and the stupidity of the characters; the oddities in "Not Dead" speak to the ability of the author to create weird for the pure sake of weird. I do not understand why this is so, but I have read other reviews in an attempt to bridge the gap. Given the reviews I've seen, this seems to be the final proof that I am, indeed, an automaton.
6. There seems to be no reason for the events of this book beyond being weird. See Number 5.
And there you have it; all these evidences that point to the conclusion that I am indeed a robot, still learning how to emote and feel. It seems everyone else (including all my book club members) loved this book or at least liked it, so that must mean I am a robot.
Excuse me; I have a meeting with a few friends of mine. We're going to discuss why people cry at the end of "Titanic".
Bleh. I tried and I tried and I tried to like this disgusting, gory, weird little book, and it just isn't happening. I'm sure there's an audience for this type of book, but it sure as hell ain't me. And, as I've said before, life's too short to be wasted on books I'm not liking.
Full Review:
I have to write a review for this? Really? And a plot summary? How do I even begin to sort through the batsh!t weird that happens in this book into a cohesive, comprehensive summary? Do I even really want to?
Dave and John are people to whom weird things happen, like fighting meat monsters, taking drugs called "Soy Sauce", and meeting Hair Monsters.
And really, beyond that, is there even a plot to this book? I get writing weird for the sake of weird, but isn't there some point in which you have to ask yourself, "Why?"
DNF around 55% (I stopped tracking at that point - I had stopped caring about the book much MUCH sooner)
David Wong is a lie; his name is actually Jason Pargin, and he is the editor-in-chief at Cracked.com. And in honor of the fact, I will be doing my review of this book in the form of most of their articles: A List.
6 Reasons Why This Book Makes No Sense to Me and Why I Am Probably a Robot in Disguise
1. I have tried to read these sorts of humor books in the past and failed. A few years back, I tried to read Year Zero and gave up. It wasn't funny! I didn't laugh! I just had my head cocked to the side going, "What is GOING ON?" And we all know that robots have trouble digesting humor - look at Data in "The Next Generation" movie!
2. Body functions, genitalia, big boobs, sex, and gore are not what I call funny. Oh, sure, I'll laugh at Buddy belching in "Elf" because it's absolutely ridiculous, but for the most part, there has to be a JOKE, a setup beyond "And so-and-so steps in a pile of dog poo" for me to laugh. Given the large number of comedies that function solely on this premise and continue to get made, this is another reason why I am most probably a robot.
3. I prefer female characters to have character beyond a name (preferably not a cheesy one-off joke about a celebrity) and a set of legs or boobs or nice ass. Again, this seems to be a rarity in this bipedal culture.
4. I prefer male characters to have character as well, beyond being drug addicts, alcoholics, and sex maniacs who joke about how huge their genitalia are. I am not sure if humans are familiar with the concept of "strengths, weakness, and hopes and dreams beyond getting laid with a hot set of breasts", but this is what constructs such as myself are looking for when we pick up a book, even one that is a humor book.
5. I liked Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy but not this. The oddities in "Hitchhiker's" spoke to me about the inanities of life and the stupidity of the characters; the oddities in "Not Dead" speak to the ability of the author to create weird for the pure sake of weird. I do not understand why this is so, but I have read other reviews in an attempt to bridge the gap. Given the reviews I've seen, this seems to be the final proof that I am, indeed, an automaton.
6. There seems to be no reason for the events of this book beyond being weird. See Number 5.
And there you have it; all these evidences that point to the conclusion that I am indeed a robot, still learning how to emote and feel. It seems everyone else (including all my book club members) loved this book or at least liked it, so that must mean I am a robot.
Excuse me; I have a meeting with a few friends of mine. We're going to discuss why people cry at the end of "Titanic".
April 7, 2013
5 Stars
This is a blast of a bizzaro piece of weird fiction. It is a blend of horror, new weird and psychological madness. David Wong is the name of the author, the name of the narrator, and the name of the main protagonist too (Not necessarily all the same!!!). This read is not for the faint of heart, nor is it intended for those that like things spelled out for them all nice and clear, and then drawn up with nothing but straight lines. The weirdness of this book can be challenging to read and to make sense out of, but it is worth the effort and it rewards the persistent reader.
Wong writes John Dies at the End with a Quentin Tarnatino like flair and style. He paints it out as would David Lynch(Mulholland Drive is mentioned many times in this book). Some his characters are quite reminiscent of a dark Tim Burton creation that will surly leave you breathless and or grossed out too! To say that this book is stylized would be a huge understatement and not do justice for what Wong has created here. There is so much witty humor, plays on today’s society, and hilarious banter, that I often had to stop and reread them out loud…
“He had been a big, twitchy guy with veiny skin stretched over swollen biceps, a tattoo of a swastika on his tongue. Teeth filed into razor-sharp fangs—you know the type. And you’re chopping off his head because, even with eight bullet holes in him, you’re pretty sure he’s about to spring back to his feet and eat the look of terror right off your face.”
How about an entire action scene centering around a “Meatsrocity:”
“I jumped back as the turkey, the tongue, and a slab of ribs levitated off the floor.
The man-shaped arrangement of meat rose up, as if functioning as one body. It pushed itself up on two arms made of game hens and country bacon, planting two hands with sausage-link fingers on the floor. The phrase “sodomized by a bratwurst poltergeist” suddenly flew through my mind. Finally it stood fully upright, looking like the mascot for a butcher shop whose profits went entirely to support the owner’s acid habit.”
John, David, and Amy make up most of the main cast and they are all quite likable for very different reasons. I enjoyed David as our narrator even though he was not always the most reliable. Of course the best side character was the hot dog eating, car driving, and mentally handicapped dog named Molly!!! The characters are equal to the bizarre task of fitting in to this messed up world.
I loved the style of this book, the humor, the horror, and the pleasure of the read. I cannot wait to read more from David Wong. This book is the first since I read Last Days by Brian Everson that makes me want to tell all my horror friends to go out and buy this book now!!!
===================================================
4.7.2013
===================================================
After just finishing a reread of this wonderful book, I can say that it is even better a second time through. I decided that I needed to have a second go through before starting the 2nd book. With the level of insanity and trustworthiness, this is really a book that requires multiple reads. Fortunately, it is a damn lot of fun to read.
The thing that I noticed most about the second read was how well written this book was, even though it is filled with so much juvenile humor. I loved Wong's style, his pacing, and his freaking weird ass imagination.
On to the second book...Obviously I give this book my highest recommendations!!!.
This is a blast of a bizzaro piece of weird fiction. It is a blend of horror, new weird and psychological madness. David Wong is the name of the author, the name of the narrator, and the name of the main protagonist too (Not necessarily all the same!!!). This read is not for the faint of heart, nor is it intended for those that like things spelled out for them all nice and clear, and then drawn up with nothing but straight lines. The weirdness of this book can be challenging to read and to make sense out of, but it is worth the effort and it rewards the persistent reader.
Wong writes John Dies at the End with a Quentin Tarnatino like flair and style. He paints it out as would David Lynch(Mulholland Drive is mentioned many times in this book). Some his characters are quite reminiscent of a dark Tim Burton creation that will surly leave you breathless and or grossed out too! To say that this book is stylized would be a huge understatement and not do justice for what Wong has created here. There is so much witty humor, plays on today’s society, and hilarious banter, that I often had to stop and reread them out loud…
“He had been a big, twitchy guy with veiny skin stretched over swollen biceps, a tattoo of a swastika on his tongue. Teeth filed into razor-sharp fangs—you know the type. And you’re chopping off his head because, even with eight bullet holes in him, you’re pretty sure he’s about to spring back to his feet and eat the look of terror right off your face.”
How about an entire action scene centering around a “Meatsrocity:”
“I jumped back as the turkey, the tongue, and a slab of ribs levitated off the floor.
The man-shaped arrangement of meat rose up, as if functioning as one body. It pushed itself up on two arms made of game hens and country bacon, planting two hands with sausage-link fingers on the floor. The phrase “sodomized by a bratwurst poltergeist” suddenly flew through my mind. Finally it stood fully upright, looking like the mascot for a butcher shop whose profits went entirely to support the owner’s acid habit.”
John, David, and Amy make up most of the main cast and they are all quite likable for very different reasons. I enjoyed David as our narrator even though he was not always the most reliable. Of course the best side character was the hot dog eating, car driving, and mentally handicapped dog named Molly!!! The characters are equal to the bizarre task of fitting in to this messed up world.
I loved the style of this book, the humor, the horror, and the pleasure of the read. I cannot wait to read more from David Wong. This book is the first since I read Last Days by Brian Everson that makes me want to tell all my horror friends to go out and buy this book now!!!
===================================================
4.7.2013
===================================================
After just finishing a reread of this wonderful book, I can say that it is even better a second time through. I decided that I needed to have a second go through before starting the 2nd book. With the level of insanity and trustworthiness, this is really a book that requires multiple reads. Fortunately, it is a damn lot of fun to read.
The thing that I noticed most about the second read was how well written this book was, even though it is filled with so much juvenile humor. I loved Wong's style, his pacing, and his freaking weird ass imagination.
On to the second book...Obviously I give this book my highest recommendations!!!.
September 27, 2011
Terrible. Positively dreadful.
The entire time I read it, with its typos and its tiny font (which means the book is probably a good fifty pages longer than it actually is), unwieldy plot and more uses of the word "retarded" than a book actually ABOUT retarded people I had a hunch something was amiss. After finishing it, I find it out it was started as a web serial and was originally self-published. It makes perfect sense, because clearly no editor's eyes have ever been laid on this piece of shit.
So if you like frat boys trying to hard to be funny and the words "faggot" and "retarded" over and over, this book is for you. It doesn't make a goddamn bit of sense and isn't nearly as funny as its author thinks it is, but all the five star reviews on Amazon and on here can't be fake, can they?
A total chore to finish with zero payoff. Stay away. Stay far, far away.
The entire time I read it, with its typos and its tiny font (which means the book is probably a good fifty pages longer than it actually is), unwieldy plot and more uses of the word "retarded" than a book actually ABOUT retarded people I had a hunch something was amiss. After finishing it, I find it out it was started as a web serial and was originally self-published. It makes perfect sense, because clearly no editor's eyes have ever been laid on this piece of shit.
So if you like frat boys trying to hard to be funny and the words "faggot" and "retarded" over and over, this book is for you. It doesn't make a goddamn bit of sense and isn't nearly as funny as its author thinks it is, but all the five star reviews on Amazon and on here can't be fake, can they?
A total chore to finish with zero payoff. Stay away. Stay far, far away.
April 21, 2021
Llegué a este libro con muchas expectativas, a pesar de estar consciente de que me iba a encontrar con un producto de pura entretención. Y mira que mis expectativas aumentaron después de leer el prólogo de Don Coscarelli, el director de la versión cinematográfica que se estrenó el 2012, quien comentaba que leyó esta novela en una sola sesión, ¿así de buena? Definitivamente no fue mi caso, yo me demoré una eternidad y eso que le dediqué tiempo casi todos los días, pero con suerte lograba avanzar algunas páginas cada vez.
La trama va de dos jóvenes, Dave y John, vagos perpetuos y amigos desde siempre, que después de consumir una droga a la que llaman “salsa de soja” (de dudosa procedencia), comienzan a percibir todo tipo de horripilantes criaturas y se ven envueltos en las más monstruosas y absurdas situaciones, a las que cuesta encontrarle sentido o al menos un hilo conductor. Y ese fue mi principal problema, que sentía que era un pegoteo de aventuras muy gore que, al final, se hicieron eternas. Puede influir que en un principio esta historia se fue publicando por entregas en el blog del autor, PointlessWasteofTime.com (que después fue absorbido por Cracked.com), pero cuando las trató de unir en un solo libro, simplemente no cuajaron.
Lo que sí cumplió e incluso superó mis expectativas fue esa mezcla de terror y humor absurdo. Por lejos, lo mejor de la lectura es sin duda Dave y sobretodo John. Sus ocurrencias y sus hilos de pensamiento me sacaron más de una carcajada; hay partes de ellos dos que realmente son memorables y dignas de subrayar (lo siento, no pude porque el libro era prestado), pero no son suficientes como para darle sustento a las más de quinientas páginas que tiene esta novela.
Reto #31 PopSugar 2021: Un libro de un/a blogger, vlogger, youtuber, etc.
La trama va de dos jóvenes, Dave y John, vagos perpetuos y amigos desde siempre, que después de consumir una droga a la que llaman “salsa de soja” (de dudosa procedencia), comienzan a percibir todo tipo de horripilantes criaturas y se ven envueltos en las más monstruosas y absurdas situaciones, a las que cuesta encontrarle sentido o al menos un hilo conductor. Y ese fue mi principal problema, que sentía que era un pegoteo de aventuras muy gore que, al final, se hicieron eternas. Puede influir que en un principio esta historia se fue publicando por entregas en el blog del autor, PointlessWasteofTime.com (que después fue absorbido por Cracked.com), pero cuando las trató de unir en un solo libro, simplemente no cuajaron.
Lo que sí cumplió e incluso superó mis expectativas fue esa mezcla de terror y humor absurdo. Por lejos, lo mejor de la lectura es sin duda Dave y sobretodo John. Sus ocurrencias y sus hilos de pensamiento me sacaron más de una carcajada; hay partes de ellos dos que realmente son memorables y dignas de subrayar (lo siento, no pude porque el libro era prestado), pero no son suficientes como para darle sustento a las más de quinientas páginas que tiene esta novela.
Reto #31 PopSugar 2021: Un libro de un/a blogger, vlogger, youtuber, etc.
May 28, 2018
DNF at 25%
Structureless, nonsensical plot, racist microaggressions, and the r word used to mean "stupid." Yeah, no thanks. After reading some other reviews, I decided it wasn't worth my time, as it wasn't going to get better.
Actually really annoyed that not only did I spend money on this book, but I also own the next two in the series (the third one is signed!) from the Nocturnal Reader's Box. These books are just taking up space now.
Structureless, nonsensical plot, racist microaggressions, and the r word used to mean "stupid." Yeah, no thanks. After reading some other reviews, I decided it wasn't worth my time, as it wasn't going to get better.
Actually really annoyed that not only did I spend money on this book, but I also own the next two in the series (the third one is signed!) from the Nocturnal Reader's Box. These books are just taking up space now.
January 23, 2019
There is no way to accurately describe this book, it’s the kind of book that you just need to experience for yourself! I had no idea what a wild and crazy ride I was in for when I started this book, and was it ever wild and crazy! This book is nonstop weirdness and grossness and I soaked up every second of it. And be warned, when I say it’s nonstop grossness, I mean incredibly GROSS and nasty all the way through big in the best way possible. It was also both hilarious and horrifying, it had me laughing one second and covering my eyes the next. This is truly a wonderfully weird book that every horror fan with a sense of humour needs to read!
June 26, 2013
If Harold and Kumar swapped some DNA with The Ghostbusters and were birthed by Hunter S. Thompson on a Hitchhiker's Guide through the galaxy, you might end up with something kind of close to John Dies at the End. I had ZERO expectations going in to this book. I knew nothing except what I read on the book jacket and the fact that Wil Wheaton didn't think it sucked. I ended up on a full throttle, high octane, wild, grotesque, hilarious, vulgar, long, strange journey and I'm so glad I did.
April 9, 2012
Simply put, I have never laughed harder at a horror book. This is less an attempt by "Wong" to write horror so much as it is for him to hone his humor chops on a genre that's been whipped to death by too much seriousness. It's appropriately gross, rolls out misadventure after misadventure, and ultimately satisfies on multiple levels. If you're into horror, you'll likely find it pretty smart. If you're into comedy, this on has great edge throughout. I don't know if I'd recommend it to anyone who was firmly horror or firmly not horror. I'd save that recommendation for people who are a little more flexible in taste.
August 20, 2022
I don’t write reviews.
And I already knew the horrible secret that lies at the heart of everything. How about you?
Oh, the book! That was great fun. I recently watched the film because it was recommended to me and thought, this is neat - the book has to be even better. Surprise! No, not a surprise, it was better. Like Kolchak has a weird best friend and they get drunk a lot, make crude jokes in the faces of monsters and the monsters sometimes wear wigs. That’s a terrible description. You should read it and write a clearer, wittier analogy than this.
And I already knew the horrible secret that lies at the heart of everything. How about you?
Oh, the book! That was great fun. I recently watched the film because it was recommended to me and thought, this is neat - the book has to be even better. Surprise! No, not a surprise, it was better. Like Kolchak has a weird best friend and they get drunk a lot, make crude jokes in the faces of monsters and the monsters sometimes wear wigs. That’s a terrible description. You should read it and write a clearer, wittier analogy than this.
January 17, 2011
The last quarter of this book deserves 4 stars, the first three quarters deserve 2.
Firstly, the dialogue in this book (and sometimes the internal monologue) is very wry and generally hilarious. Easily its best quality, and kept me reading past the slow parts.
Unfortunately, the dialogue is often eclipsed by TONS of gruesome and gory visual descriptions, and though they are perfectly tolerable at first they do drag on after a while. After the 50th or 60th person whose entrails explode into a rain of black worms which follow after the narrator and then grow into giant black intestine-snakes leaking oily residue, or whatever, it gets old. Consequently, the numerous action sequences (and there are a LOT of action sequences) blend into each other, each seeming unimpressive and dull despite the apocalyptic language used to describe it. Three-quarters of the way in, I was utterly bored by all the action, and felt unconnected to the characters whose motivations and personalities seemed to be ignored in favor of more and more descriptions of walking eyeballs and sawn-off shotguns and babies that are actually made of peanut butter or so on. Maybe the whole horror genre is this repetitive, and I'm just not a fan?
And then something delightful happened! The book changed entirely with the introduction of the first meaningful female character, and the focus shifted from all the horrible things (which kept happening) to some actual emotional connections and backstory for the characters. In a space of a few pages, I found the previously flat narrator sympathetic, and the collection of side-characters interesting as well. Plus, instead of endless descriptions, we actually get more dialogue! Which is witty and fun.
The ending hit the perfect tone for me, and ultimately I finished this book feeling pleased having read it--a considerable feat, if you take into account how I felt plodding through the middle.
Firstly, the dialogue in this book (and sometimes the internal monologue) is very wry and generally hilarious. Easily its best quality, and kept me reading past the slow parts.
Unfortunately, the dialogue is often eclipsed by TONS of gruesome and gory visual descriptions, and though they are perfectly tolerable at first they do drag on after a while. After the 50th or 60th person whose entrails explode into a rain of black worms which follow after the narrator and then grow into giant black intestine-snakes leaking oily residue, or whatever, it gets old. Consequently, the numerous action sequences (and there are a LOT of action sequences) blend into each other, each seeming unimpressive and dull despite the apocalyptic language used to describe it. Three-quarters of the way in, I was utterly bored by all the action, and felt unconnected to the characters whose motivations and personalities seemed to be ignored in favor of more and more descriptions of walking eyeballs and sawn-off shotguns and babies that are actually made of peanut butter or so on. Maybe the whole horror genre is this repetitive, and I'm just not a fan?
And then something delightful happened! The book changed entirely with the introduction of the first meaningful female character, and the focus shifted from all the horrible things (which kept happening) to some actual emotional connections and backstory for the characters. In a space of a few pages, I found the previously flat narrator sympathetic, and the collection of side-characters interesting as well. Plus, instead of endless descriptions, we actually get more dialogue! Which is witty and fun.
The ending hit the perfect tone for me, and ultimately I finished this book feeling pleased having read it--a considerable feat, if you take into account how I felt plodding through the middle.
March 20, 2012
I finished this book a couple of nights ago. As a side note I'm almost halfway through a book titled The Rook. Reading these books back to back, I've got to ask...am I the only person left in the world who doesn't use the great English "f" word (f**k) as a common part of my vocabulary?
Oh well...on to the review.
Over all I like this book and I think it's well written. I can partially agree with another reader who said that they "laughed out loud". On occasion I did to. I'll be giving a sort of "good/bad" review here. There are things I liked about the novel and I think "David Wong" is a talented writer. Unfortunately there are other things that I truly dislike and that bugged me constantly.
So, what's good? The book does a great job of using classic horror references (for instance I think Lovecraft will be brought to mind for any who've read his work) while mining modern strains of pop culture.I love the description of what are obviously "rods". You'll also see astral bodies, shadow people and so on. Aside from this Wong is (as noted) a good writer. He has a nice turn of phrase and SOMETIMES his humor is (as they say) "spot on". I did on a couple of occasions find myself alone in a room laughing out loud.
Okay there's the molasses...now for the sulfur, or what's not so good? I suppose some of what I say here may be a bit generational. When I say Mr. Wong's humor "sometimes" struck me funny I mean "sometimes". More often he leans on what I suppose might charitably be called "earthy" humor. I'd call it bathroom humor, sophomoric humor or locker room humor...and a Jr. high locker room at that. There are certain words he seems to think are hilarious all by themselves without any actual wit involved. He uses the word as if it were the soul of wit in itself. The word "fart" or any term for feces seems to crack him up all on its own. Then of course there's the aforementioned, great English "f" word ("f**k") which seems to turn up every second or third line of dialogue. I know...some of you will find all this quite laughable and think it simply adds to our comedy/horror masterpiece. Stephen King has pioneered this type of dialogue and description in many of his best sellers. Still, I can remember when horror and repugnant conditions could be well expressed without sinking to this. I can remember when humor could be expressed and actually be funny without reference to the functions of the digestive tract. And Mr. Wong can to apparently as now and then he comes up with a word play or twist that's very funny...without said "earthy bits".
Once you get past that you'll see some plot points or story points that are a little predictable, but not badly so and as I've observed before there are few if any totally original plots out there...waiting to be written.
So be aware of the "earthy"(read crude) language and you'll find a fairly original type story here and may find it quite enjoyable.
Oh well...on to the review.
Over all I like this book and I think it's well written. I can partially agree with another reader who said that they "laughed out loud". On occasion I did to. I'll be giving a sort of "good/bad" review here. There are things I liked about the novel and I think "David Wong" is a talented writer. Unfortunately there are other things that I truly dislike and that bugged me constantly.
So, what's good? The book does a great job of using classic horror references (for instance I think Lovecraft will be brought to mind for any who've read his work) while mining modern strains of pop culture.I love the description of what are obviously "rods". You'll also see astral bodies, shadow people and so on. Aside from this Wong is (as noted) a good writer. He has a nice turn of phrase and SOMETIMES his humor is (as they say) "spot on". I did on a couple of occasions find myself alone in a room laughing out loud.
Okay there's the molasses...now for the sulfur, or what's not so good? I suppose some of what I say here may be a bit generational. When I say Mr. Wong's humor "sometimes" struck me funny I mean "sometimes". More often he leans on what I suppose might charitably be called "earthy" humor. I'd call it bathroom humor, sophomoric humor or locker room humor...and a Jr. high locker room at that. There are certain words he seems to think are hilarious all by themselves without any actual wit involved. He uses the word as if it were the soul of wit in itself. The word "fart" or any term for feces seems to crack him up all on its own. Then of course there's the aforementioned, great English "f" word ("f**k") which seems to turn up every second or third line of dialogue. I know...some of you will find all this quite laughable and think it simply adds to our comedy/horror masterpiece. Stephen King has pioneered this type of dialogue and description in many of his best sellers. Still, I can remember when horror and repugnant conditions could be well expressed without sinking to this. I can remember when humor could be expressed and actually be funny without reference to the functions of the digestive tract. And Mr. Wong can to apparently as now and then he comes up with a word play or twist that's very funny...without said "earthy bits".
Once you get past that you'll see some plot points or story points that are a little predictable, but not badly so and as I've observed before there are few if any totally original plots out there...waiting to be written.
So be aware of the "earthy"(read crude) language and you'll find a fairly original type story here and may find it quite enjoyable.
October 25, 2013
The second book was waaaaay better than this first one. This first book lacks a real plot. It's just weird sh*t happening and then more weird sh*t happening and then more and more. It wasn't nearly as engaging. And the racial aspect, again, it's in this book, as it's in the second. What's the POINT of that?! One thing that this book did was give me the creeps and I appreciated that, haha. But it's not a page turner. The movie was fun (though, I thought Dave was supposed to be fat). I'm glad I read the second book before the first.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 7,651 reviews