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The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book Paperback – Big Book, March 30, 1999

4.8 out of 5 stars 16,493 ratings

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A bestselling guide from acclaimed author don Miguel Ruiz that teaches us how to cultivate healthy, honest relationships with ourselves and others

In
The Mastery of Love, don Miguel Ruiz illuminates the fear-based beliefs and assumptions that undermine love and lead to suffering and drama in our relationships. Using insightful stories to bring his message to life, Ruiz shows us how to heal our emotional wounds, recover the freedom and joy that are our birthright, and restore the spirit of playfulness that is vital to loving relationships.

The Mastery of Love includes:

• Why "domestication" and the "image of perfection" lead to self-rejection
• The war of control that slowly destroys most relationships
• Why we hunt for love in others, and how to capture the love inside us
• How to finally accept and forgive ourselves and others
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From the Publisher

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“In the tradition of Castaneda, Ruiz distills essential Toltec wisdom, expressing with clarity and impeccability what it means for men and women to live as peaceful warriors in the modern world.” — Dan Millman, author of Way of the Peaceful Warrior

About the Author

Don Miguel Ruiz is the bestselling author of The Four Agreements (a New York Times bestseller for over a decade), The Four Agreements Companion Book, The Mastery of Love, The Voice of Knowledge, The Circle of Fire, and The Fifth Agreement. The teachings of Ruiz are best known for transforming complex human issues into simple common sense — a talent that has earned him millions of fans and international acclaim.

Janet Mills is the founder and president of Amber-Allen Publishing and co-author, with don Miguel Ruiz, of six books in The Toltec Wisdom Series. Mills is also the creator of “The Four Agreements for a Better Life” online course, editor of Deepak Chopra’s bestselling title, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, and publisher of the world-renowned “Seth Books” by Jane Roberts.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Tarcher
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ March 30, 1999
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 210 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1878424424
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1878424426
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5 x 0.6 x 7.25 inches
  • Part of series ‏ : ‎ A Toltec Wisdom Book
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.8 out of 5 stars 16,493 ratings

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Customer reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
16,493 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book highly readable, filled with wisdom and love, and say it changed their lives. Moreover, they appreciate its content as a wonderful addition to the Four Agreements, and one customer notes it's practical for anyone regardless of age. The book receives positive feedback for its emotional depth, helping readers forgive themselves and others, and customers find it powerful. However, the repetition aspect receives mixed reactions, with some finding it engaging while others consider it repetitive.

865 customers mention "Readability"825 positive40 negative

Customers find the book highly readable, describing it as a dream to read, and one customer particularly appreciates the author's way with words and explanations.

"...When I read it the first time I remember loving it, it was brilliant and while I didn't feel like I agreed with everything in it, a lot of what was..." Read more

"Great read, I must recommend! I..." Read more

"This was a great read on how to become the best version of yourself to have better relationships." Read more

"...Still, it is a book worth reading, because in its few pages provides us with many useful ideas to ponder about what human connection is and can..." Read more

751 customers mention "Enlightenedness"719 positive32 negative

Customers find the book very enlightening, filled with wisdom and love, and say it changed their lives.

"This book has a lot of good information in it, and while I think it's information that we all know deep down, sometimes you need someone to plainly..." Read more

"...I Love all these books really learn to be authentic, follow your inner knowing find truth in the years of storytelling by the Toltec!" Read more

"...If you see it rosy, rosy it is. The book is very philosophical, and helps to clear up our mind when we have doubts about a date, a person..." Read more

"I love this book and I understood everything in it I feel like this is a book you can comprehend and I like that." Read more

37 customers mention "Emotional depth"32 positive5 negative

Customers appreciate the emotional depth of the book, finding it heartwarming and noting that it helps them forgive themselves and others. One customer mentions how it cleanses emotional poison, while another describes how it transforms their perspective on relationships and emotions.

"...Forgiveness makes you happier, as cleans out the poison in your emotional body. -..." Read more

"...will have while reading this book will be personal, eye opening, maybe emotional, but definitely worth it...." Read more

"...This book definitely made me cry and made me realize that there’s changes to be made and that I need to heal." Read more

"What a beautiful book. Please read it. It changed my life. It made me cry and clear my soul." Read more

16 customers mention "Content"16 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the content of the book, noting it is a wonderful addition to the Four Agreements and serves as a great extension to that work.

"...I would reccomend reading this book, THE FOUR AGREEMENTS and THE MASTERY OF SELF for people looking for personal growth" Read more

"...The Four Agreements was excellent as well." Read more

"Worth the read! Love this book and The Four Agreements by the same author...." Read more

"Extremely helpful and a continuation of the Four Agreements...." Read more

16 customers mention "Power"16 positive0 negative

Customers find the book powerful, with one mentioning it radiates energy.

"A powerful and profound wisdom on love that describes in a beautiful simple way." Read more

"...only will we be truly happy but we become more understanding and radiate an energy that can help our relationships with others as well...." Read more

"...It is simple but yet powerful...." Read more

"So much power and so much freedom wrapped up in this writing...." Read more

15 customers mention "Age range"15 positive0 negative

Customers find the book suitable for all ages, with one customer noting it applies to everyone regardless of age, and another mentioning it's a classic must-read.

"Perfect for me and I reread occasional" Read more

"Very easy to read. Practical for anyone regardless of age or where you are in your life...." Read more

"...It's great for anyone who is in a relationship -- everyone!..." Read more

"...It has really reminded me about the importance of loving, accepting and respecting yourself as well as others...." Read more

47 customers mention "Repetition"21 positive26 negative

Customers have mixed feelings about the book's repetition, with some finding it engaging enough to read over and over, while others find it repetitive.

"...The book is also repetitive, ruthless and pitiless. In a way, tells us to stop with the excuses we give ourselves, do something or shut up...." Read more

"...I am more child like And yet not childish I relish in the joys that I feel everyday And I radiate love as if it's always been there ." Read more

"Great info in the book but very repetitive" Read more

"Don Miguel Ruiz has a way with words and explanations. His theme is very predictable, yet subtle in reasoning. I love this book...." Read more

14 customers mention "Love"9 positive5 negative

Customers have mixed reactions to the book's approach to love, with one customer describing it as a beautiful journey, while another finds it repetitive.

"...level of the Greatest Sacred Truths of all (any) culture and expresses in an engaging, experience -based, earthy prose that is all the more..." Read more

"...The mastery of Love may seem repetitive however as we read on it becomes apparent as to why...." Read more

"...There are interesting tidbits on fighting and emotional baggage. Some of my general favorite quotes: "..." Read more

"...innately and gave me a sense of confidence that I am on the best path for my life...." Read more

Beautiful read.
5 out of 5 stars
Beautiful read.
Just get the book. The world would be a better place if everyone read this book at least once in their life.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on February 25, 2009
    Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase
    This book has a lot of good information in it, and while I think it's information that we all know deep down, sometimes you need someone to plainly say it (or write it) to remind you. At least that is how it was in my case.

    When I read it the first time I remember loving it, it was brilliant and while I didn't feel like I agreed with everything in it, a lot of what was taught in it shaped some of my views on love. At the time, I hadn't had much experience in relationships, in fact I think it was pretty recent after the end of my very first relationship. However, a lot of what was in this book really stuck with me, so just before Yule this year I took the time to run to the store and pick up two copies of it. One for my boyfriend (as a gift) and one for myself to read again. Really, I'm glad that I did.

    Reading it this time, I feel like I agreed with a lot more of what he said, and that I soaked more of it in. It didn't do much to change how I feel about relationships or love, because they were pretty similar to begin with. It did reaffirm them for me though, and put into words a lot of how I felt. Enough that when I finished reading it I had the urge to pass it along, so that a certain friend of mine could take the time and read it, in hopes that it would reaffirm things for him. Especially the most important things that deal with self love, self destruction, the "Parasite" inside of us all, and how the way others act should not affect us and vice versa. It really opened my eyes, and I feel like sharing the knowledge I feel I've gained from it. I'll probably buy it again in a few months.

    This book really speaks towards the way society can implant negative thoughts on us, and how we can be raised to believe them. We are all born innocent and full of love, and somewhere along the way we learn how to be distrustful, and how to be hurt, and to be hurtful in return. Our parents learned this while they grew, and they (along with the rest of society) then teach it to us as we grow up, and the cycle continues ever onward. Personally, I would hope that I have the strength to stop that cycle, and leave my children full of love and respect.

    Another thing it tells us, is the story of "The Man Who Didn't Believe in Love", which is now one of my favorite legends. It tells of a man who went around giving lectures on the non-existence of love, because so many people use it to manipulate each other. He says "love is like a drug" because in each relationship you have the "dealer" of the "drug" and the person who is addicted and keeps coming back for more. The stronger partner deals out the love, and the weaker tries to soak up as much of it as they can, and they take any abuse the dealer gives out too, because they think they need it so badly and that they can't get it anywhere else. He vows that he does not believe in love, because he has had many such experiences and refuses to let anyone manipulate him with this false emotion.

    So this man is walking through the park one day and he comes across a woman who is sitting in the grass crying. He stops to console her, and asks her why she is crying, and she replies "I am crying because love does not exist." The man is astounded, because he has finally found a woman who feels the same way he does. He talks to her, they develop a friendship, and soon they are spending all their time together. They never fight, and they never expect anything from each other, they have the perfect bond. One day when the man is away, he is contemplating his relationship with the woman. He realizes that what he feels for her must actually be love, and that he had been wrong all along. Love does exist, and it is much more pure and beautiful than anything he'd ever experienced. The man is so excited that he rushes home immediately to tell her how he feels about her. She, in turn, replies that she has felt this way for quite some time and has been afraid to tell him because of his disbelief in the emotion.

    The legend then tells that the man is so happy, that he goes outside and sends his happiness into the universe. His happiness is so large that it pulls a star down into his hands and he hurries to give it to the woman. The happiness is so overwhelming, that for a moment the woman hesitates, and in that moment of doubt she drops it and it shatters. Now there is a man who is wandering the Universe, broken and lonely because he once again believes that love does not exist. There is also a woman who sits at home waiting for the man who once loved her, feeling remorse for that one moment of doubt that ruined their relationship.

    So in asking yourself who was in the wrong, was it the woman who doubted for a moment? No, it was the man who decided to place his entire happiness in someones hands. If we place all of our happiness in the control of others, how can we ever expect to be happy? It is entirely up to us to be happy, and if we choose to be happy with someone else, we're all the better. We cannot rely on them to make us happy.

    The book delves into quite a bit more information regarding loving yourself and being a whole person. It also emphasizes my previous belief that you have to be happy on your own, if you can ever be happy with anyone else. You have to love yourself to fully love another, and you have to be an equal part to a relationship, and not rely on them. It is the same with friends, family, and anyone you encounter.

    In any case, I highly recommend this book to anyone, even if you read it simply to remind yourself of what you knew before. He has at least 3 other books that go along with it, and I plan on reading them as well.

    Remember, God = Love and God is inside of you.

    So YOU = LOVE.
    144 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on June 20, 2025
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Good
  • Reviewed in the United States on May 25, 2025
    Format: KindleVerified Purchase
    Great read, I must recommend! I
    Love all these books really learn to be authentic, follow your inner knowing find truth in the years of storytelling by the Toltec!
  • Reviewed in the United States on May 24, 2025
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    This was a great read on how to become the best version of yourself to have better relationships.
  • Reviewed in the United States on April 12, 2025
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    The Dream is dead. I deserve better than dreams anyways. I have an extraordinary capacity for love, and have devoted my life to grasping what of it I can. As humans are humamn, betrayal may be too much. Time and truth will tell I suppose. I recommend reading "The Four Loves" by CS Lewis before this book. It is very easy to twist and pervert "love" to fit what you want it to. First establish what is meant by "LOVE", then talk about it. Some children play with love like it is not dangerous as hell.
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on February 3, 2013
    In alignment with the ideas and principles shown in Ruiz's The Four Agreements, the Mastery of Love approaches the basics of human relationships (romantic and non romantic) by going to the root of what love is, and how true happiness can be found and achieved.

    Don Miguel Ruiz uses many metaphorical stories and fables to make his points, and, despite the simplicity of the language, he is able to convey deep and meaningful concepts.

    Some of the lessons this book teaches are:
    - To have a successful relationship with anybody, no matter the type, you have to work mostly on yourself.
    - If you don't truly genuinely love yourself, nobody will.
    - If you don't respect yourself, nobody will. Actually, they'll abuse you.
    - If you don't accept your body as it is, you are disrespecting yourself, you become insecure and an easy pray to your own and everybody else's criticism. Physical beauty is just an ever-changing idea that means nothing.
    - See people for what they are, not for what they could be.
    - Accept people for what they are, not for what you want them to be.
    - If your partner doesn't have what you are looking for, look for another partner.
    - Don't try to change the other person. People don't change that much.
    - You can't find happiness unless you are already happy inside.
    - You can't find happiness if fear rules your life.
    - People vibrate at the same frequency levels and find/meet who they "are", not what they are looking for.
    - Don't let your believe system (partly family inherited) and programming (Social/cultural conditioning) rule your life. You want to dream your own dreams, not somebody else's.
    - Be true to who you are, and don't fake what you are not. The latter takes much more effort and makes your life more difficult and less fulfilled.
    - Forgiveness makes you happier, as cleans out the poison in your emotional body.
    - Accept that we are mind and body, and that our animal instincts are nothing to be ashamed of.
    - In a couple, the only half you can control is you.
    - Improvement is a a fight against your social programming, a 24/7 battle against yourself and your thoughts and emotional reactions.
    - We perceive the world with the eyes of our emotions. If they are dirty, we see a dirty world. If you see it rosy, rosy it is.

    The book is very philosophical, and helps to clear up our mind when we have doubts about a date, a person with whom we are starting a relationship, or a partner/relative with whom we are having communication or relation problems.

    The book is also repetitive, ruthless and pitiless. In a way, tells us to stop with the excuses we give ourselves, do something or shut up. This is not a book for the faint hearted. Don't read it thinking that you will find a magic potion to date the hot new guy/girl on the block or sort out your family relationships. Still, it is a book worth reading, because in its few pages provides us with many useful ideas to ponder about what human connection is and can be.

    Despite its title, the Mastery of Love lacks a bit of practicality regarding techniques to implement the advice given, except for some exceptions, and some final prayers, which aren't of much help if you aren't a believer. For ex. if you don't love yourself, how do learn to love yourself? f you are blind and you cannot see, how can do you open your eyes? If you have been abused since childhood, how do you learn to stop the abuse? If you are with somebody who has addictions, mental problems or anger issues, what do you do? Abandon him? Should you abandon any person with whom you don't have a fluffy initial relationship? That sort of questions. Although some of the things Ruiz mentions can be easily accepted, at least at an intellectual and spiritual level, the lack of practical techniques and exercises makes difficult for the reader to go from the intellectual/spiritual acceptance of the ideas and principles mentioned in the book, to a place where things flow naturally from the heart and you experience those feelings yourself.
    44 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on June 2, 2025
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Excellent
  • Reviewed in the United States on May 23, 2025
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Good reading for a searching for answers of the soul.

Top reviews from other countries

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  • Chaitanya
    5.0 out of 5 stars The healing guide
    Reviewed in India on March 26, 2024
    This beautiful book is a guide I keep with me always, to glean the nuggets of wisdom that help me come back on track each and every time I slip on the path of self love.
  • francesca rubei
    5.0 out of 5 stars the mastery of love
    Reviewed in Italy on May 28, 2024
    Amazing !! I really recommend people reading it ! It makes you think differently.
    I also read the first one of don Miguel Ruiz.
    He is a great reader
  • Betty
    5.0 out of 5 stars impresendible
    Reviewed in Spain on January 3, 2025
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Uno de los libros que cambia tu forma de ver las cosas.
    Report
  • ELO HIGA
    5.0 out of 5 stars Leitura pra viver o amor e a paz
    Reviewed in Brazil on August 21, 2022
    Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
    Essa leitura nos faz ressignificar a forma como nos relacionamos . Tornando as coisas leves e fazendo renascer o olhar para nós mesmos , o respeito , o amor as escolhas e nossos sonhos. Tudo começa a partir de nós mesmos.
  • Amazon Customer
    5.0 out of 5 stars Self love without conditions
    Reviewed in Australia on December 23, 2024
    I have enjoyed reading this practical and encouraging work. The challenge for me is to recognise the dream of hell as it is created… and to attend to the creation of heaven arising in daily choices toward unconditional loving and acceptance.