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The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book Paperback – Big Book, March 30, 1999
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In The Mastery of Love, don Miguel Ruiz illuminates the fear-based beliefs and assumptions that undermine love and lead to suffering and drama in our relationships. Using insightful stories to bring his message to life, Ruiz shows us how to heal our emotional wounds, recover the freedom and joy that are our birthright, and restore the spirit of playfulness that is vital to loving relationships.
The Mastery of Love includes:
• Why "domestication" and the "image of perfection" lead to self-rejection
• The war of control that slowly destroys most relationships
• Why we hunt for love in others, and how to capture the love inside us
• How to finally accept and forgive ourselves and others
- Print length210 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherTarcher
- Publication dateMarch 30, 1999
- Dimensions5 x 0.6 x 7.25 inches
- ISBN-101878424424
- ISBN-13978-1878424426
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From the Publisher



Editorial Reviews
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About the Author
Janet Mills is the founder and president of Amber-Allen Publishing and co-author, with don Miguel Ruiz, of six books in The Toltec Wisdom Series. Mills is also the creator of “The Four Agreements for a Better Life” online course, editor of Deepak Chopra’s bestselling title, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, and publisher of the world-renowned “Seth Books” by Jane Roberts.
Product details
- Publisher : Tarcher
- Publication date : March 30, 1999
- Language : English
- Print length : 210 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1878424424
- ISBN-13 : 978-1878424426
- Item Weight : 2.31 pounds
- Dimensions : 5 x 0.6 x 7.25 inches
- Part of series : A Toltec Wisdom Book
- Best Sellers Rank: #2,192 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #12 in Interpersonal Relations (Books)
- #24 in Spiritual Self-Help (Books)
- #97 in Personal Transformation Self-Help
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors
Janet Mills is the founder of Amber-Allen Publishing and co-author (with don Miguel Ruiz) of the international bestselling “Toltec Wisdom Series” including “The Four Agreements,” “The Mastery of Love,” “The Voice of Knowledge,” “The Four Agreements Companion Book,” “The Circle of Fire,” and “The Fifth Agreement.” The Toltec Wisdom books have sold over 15 million copies in the United States, and have been published in 52 languages worldwide.
Mills has published an online course, "The Four Agreements for a Better Life," for people who want to deepen their understanding and practice of these deceptively simple agreements. Information about the course is available at TheFourAgreements.com.
Mills is also the editor of and publisher of Deepak Chopra's international bestselling title “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” (over 2.5 million copies sold), and the publisher of 11 world-renowned “Seth” books by Jane Roberts, which have been credited with launching the New Age movement.
Mills credits the books she publishes for inspiring her belief system and transforming her life. Her personal mission is to share universal wisdom in the language of our times and to help inspire others to live the life of their dreams. She lives in San Rafael, California.
www.miguelruiz.com
Don Miguel Ruiz is a renowned spiritual teacher and internationally bestselling author of the “Toltec Wisdom Series,” including “The Four Agreements,” “The Mastery of Love,” “The Voice of Knowledge,” “The Four Agreements Companion Book,” “The Circle of Fire,” and “The Fifth Agreement.” The Toltec Wisdom books have sold over 12 million copies in the United States, and have been published in 46 languages worldwide.
don Miguel has spent the past three decades guiding students to personal freedom through his profound insights regarding the nature of human reality. His newest book, THE ACTOR (Ediciones Urano) written with Barbara Emrys was published November 3rd, 2020.
The youngest of thirteen children, don Miguel Ruiz was born in rural Mexico to parents who were healers and practitioners of ancient Toltec traditions. As a young adult, he graduated from medical school in Mexico City and practiced neurosurgery with his older brother in Tijuana. A near-fatal car crash forever changed the direction of his life, however, causing him to leave medicine and to examine the essential truth about life and humanity. With his mother’s help, and through her ancestral teachings, he discovered his own path to awareness, which evolved into a deep understanding of the physical universe and the virtual world of the mind.
Combining Toltec mythology and scientific perspectives, don Miguel has been able to merge ancient wisdom with modern physics and practical common-sense, forging a new philosophy for seekers of truth and personal authenticity. His landmark bestselling book, The Four Agreements, contains practical steps for long-term, personal transformation and has been read by millions around the world.
First published in 1997, The Four Agreements has since sold over nine million copies in the United States and seven million worldwide. It has been translated into 46 languages, appeared on the New York Times bestseller for nearly ten years, and was the 36th bestselling book of the decade. Don Miguel is also the author of The Mastery of Love, The Voice of Knowledge, Prayers, and the New York Times bestseller, The Fifth Agreement, a collaboration with his son, don José Ruiz. Each of his books are international bestsellers.
The wisdom don Miguel has brought to the world has earned him respect around the globe. He has dedicated his life to sharing his message through practical concepts in order to promote transformation and ultimately change lives for the better. Don Miguel is the recipient of numerous recognitions, including a U.S. Air Force ‘challenge coin’ engraved with “The Four Agreements.” He is the recipient of an Honorary Degree in Cultural and Social Education from the American Cultural Institute of Mexico, and referenced as a “national treasure” in his native country.
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book highly readable, filled with wisdom and love, and say it changed their lives. Moreover, they appreciate its content as a wonderful addition to the Four Agreements, and one customer notes it's practical for anyone regardless of age. The book receives positive feedback for its emotional depth, helping readers forgive themselves and others, and customers find it powerful. However, the repetition aspect receives mixed reactions, with some finding it engaging while others consider it repetitive.
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Customers find the book highly readable, describing it as a dream to read, and one customer particularly appreciates the author's way with words and explanations.
"...When I read it the first time I remember loving it, it was brilliant and while I didn't feel like I agreed with everything in it, a lot of what was..." Read more
"Great read, I must recommend! I..." Read more
"This was a great read on how to become the best version of yourself to have better relationships." Read more
"...Still, it is a book worth reading, because in its few pages provides us with many useful ideas to ponder about what human connection is and can..." Read more
Customers find the book very enlightening, filled with wisdom and love, and say it changed their lives.
"This book has a lot of good information in it, and while I think it's information that we all know deep down, sometimes you need someone to plainly..." Read more
"...I Love all these books really learn to be authentic, follow your inner knowing find truth in the years of storytelling by the Toltec!" Read more
"...If you see it rosy, rosy it is. The book is very philosophical, and helps to clear up our mind when we have doubts about a date, a person..." Read more
"I love this book and I understood everything in it I feel like this is a book you can comprehend and I like that." Read more
Customers appreciate the emotional depth of the book, finding it heartwarming and noting that it helps them forgive themselves and others. One customer mentions how it cleanses emotional poison, while another describes how it transforms their perspective on relationships and emotions.
"...Forgiveness makes you happier, as cleans out the poison in your emotional body. -..." Read more
"...will have while reading this book will be personal, eye opening, maybe emotional, but definitely worth it...." Read more
"...This book definitely made me cry and made me realize that there’s changes to be made and that I need to heal." Read more
"What a beautiful book. Please read it. It changed my life. It made me cry and clear my soul." Read more
Customers appreciate the content of the book, noting it is a wonderful addition to the Four Agreements and serves as a great extension to that work.
"...I would reccomend reading this book, THE FOUR AGREEMENTS and THE MASTERY OF SELF for people looking for personal growth" Read more
"...The Four Agreements was excellent as well." Read more
"Worth the read! Love this book and The Four Agreements by the same author...." Read more
"Extremely helpful and a continuation of the Four Agreements...." Read more
Customers find the book powerful, with one mentioning it radiates energy.
"A powerful and profound wisdom on love that describes in a beautiful simple way." Read more
"...only will we be truly happy but we become more understanding and radiate an energy that can help our relationships with others as well...." Read more
"...It is simple but yet powerful...." Read more
"So much power and so much freedom wrapped up in this writing...." Read more
Customers find the book suitable for all ages, with one customer noting it applies to everyone regardless of age, and another mentioning it's a classic must-read.
"Perfect for me and I reread occasional" Read more
"Very easy to read. Practical for anyone regardless of age or where you are in your life...." Read more
"...It's great for anyone who is in a relationship -- everyone!..." Read more
"...It has really reminded me about the importance of loving, accepting and respecting yourself as well as others...." Read more
Customers have mixed feelings about the book's repetition, with some finding it engaging enough to read over and over, while others find it repetitive.
"...The book is also repetitive, ruthless and pitiless. In a way, tells us to stop with the excuses we give ourselves, do something or shut up...." Read more
"...I am more child like And yet not childish I relish in the joys that I feel everyday And I radiate love as if it's always been there ." Read more
"Great info in the book but very repetitive" Read more
"Don Miguel Ruiz has a way with words and explanations. His theme is very predictable, yet subtle in reasoning. I love this book...." Read more
Customers have mixed reactions to the book's approach to love, with one customer describing it as a beautiful journey, while another finds it repetitive.
"...level of the Greatest Sacred Truths of all (any) culture and expresses in an engaging, experience -based, earthy prose that is all the more..." Read more
"...The mastery of Love may seem repetitive however as we read on it becomes apparent as to why...." Read more
"...There are interesting tidbits on fighting and emotional baggage. Some of my general favorite quotes: "..." Read more
"...innately and gave me a sense of confidence that I am on the best path for my life...." Read more
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Beautiful read.
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on February 25, 2009Format: HardcoverVerified PurchaseThis book has a lot of good information in it, and while I think it's information that we all know deep down, sometimes you need someone to plainly say it (or write it) to remind you. At least that is how it was in my case.
When I read it the first time I remember loving it, it was brilliant and while I didn't feel like I agreed with everything in it, a lot of what was taught in it shaped some of my views on love. At the time, I hadn't had much experience in relationships, in fact I think it was pretty recent after the end of my very first relationship. However, a lot of what was in this book really stuck with me, so just before Yule this year I took the time to run to the store and pick up two copies of it. One for my boyfriend (as a gift) and one for myself to read again. Really, I'm glad that I did.
Reading it this time, I feel like I agreed with a lot more of what he said, and that I soaked more of it in. It didn't do much to change how I feel about relationships or love, because they were pretty similar to begin with. It did reaffirm them for me though, and put into words a lot of how I felt. Enough that when I finished reading it I had the urge to pass it along, so that a certain friend of mine could take the time and read it, in hopes that it would reaffirm things for him. Especially the most important things that deal with self love, self destruction, the "Parasite" inside of us all, and how the way others act should not affect us and vice versa. It really opened my eyes, and I feel like sharing the knowledge I feel I've gained from it. I'll probably buy it again in a few months.
This book really speaks towards the way society can implant negative thoughts on us, and how we can be raised to believe them. We are all born innocent and full of love, and somewhere along the way we learn how to be distrustful, and how to be hurt, and to be hurtful in return. Our parents learned this while they grew, and they (along with the rest of society) then teach it to us as we grow up, and the cycle continues ever onward. Personally, I would hope that I have the strength to stop that cycle, and leave my children full of love and respect.
Another thing it tells us, is the story of "The Man Who Didn't Believe in Love", which is now one of my favorite legends. It tells of a man who went around giving lectures on the non-existence of love, because so many people use it to manipulate each other. He says "love is like a drug" because in each relationship you have the "dealer" of the "drug" and the person who is addicted and keeps coming back for more. The stronger partner deals out the love, and the weaker tries to soak up as much of it as they can, and they take any abuse the dealer gives out too, because they think they need it so badly and that they can't get it anywhere else. He vows that he does not believe in love, because he has had many such experiences and refuses to let anyone manipulate him with this false emotion.
So this man is walking through the park one day and he comes across a woman who is sitting in the grass crying. He stops to console her, and asks her why she is crying, and she replies "I am crying because love does not exist." The man is astounded, because he has finally found a woman who feels the same way he does. He talks to her, they develop a friendship, and soon they are spending all their time together. They never fight, and they never expect anything from each other, they have the perfect bond. One day when the man is away, he is contemplating his relationship with the woman. He realizes that what he feels for her must actually be love, and that he had been wrong all along. Love does exist, and it is much more pure and beautiful than anything he'd ever experienced. The man is so excited that he rushes home immediately to tell her how he feels about her. She, in turn, replies that she has felt this way for quite some time and has been afraid to tell him because of his disbelief in the emotion.
The legend then tells that the man is so happy, that he goes outside and sends his happiness into the universe. His happiness is so large that it pulls a star down into his hands and he hurries to give it to the woman. The happiness is so overwhelming, that for a moment the woman hesitates, and in that moment of doubt she drops it and it shatters. Now there is a man who is wandering the Universe, broken and lonely because he once again believes that love does not exist. There is also a woman who sits at home waiting for the man who once loved her, feeling remorse for that one moment of doubt that ruined their relationship.
So in asking yourself who was in the wrong, was it the woman who doubted for a moment? No, it was the man who decided to place his entire happiness in someones hands. If we place all of our happiness in the control of others, how can we ever expect to be happy? It is entirely up to us to be happy, and if we choose to be happy with someone else, we're all the better. We cannot rely on them to make us happy.
The book delves into quite a bit more information regarding loving yourself and being a whole person. It also emphasizes my previous belief that you have to be happy on your own, if you can ever be happy with anyone else. You have to love yourself to fully love another, and you have to be an equal part to a relationship, and not rely on them. It is the same with friends, family, and anyone you encounter.
In any case, I highly recommend this book to anyone, even if you read it simply to remind yourself of what you knew before. He has at least 3 other books that go along with it, and I plan on reading them as well.
Remember, God = Love and God is inside of you.
So YOU = LOVE.
- Reviewed in the United States on May 25, 2025Format: KindleVerified PurchaseGreat read, I must recommend! I
Love all these books really learn to be authentic, follow your inner knowing find truth in the years of storytelling by the Toltec!
- Reviewed in the United States on May 24, 2025Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseThis was a great read on how to become the best version of yourself to have better relationships.
- Reviewed in the United States on April 12, 2025Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseThe Dream is dead. I deserve better than dreams anyways. I have an extraordinary capacity for love, and have devoted my life to grasping what of it I can. As humans are humamn, betrayal may be too much. Time and truth will tell I suppose. I recommend reading "The Four Loves" by CS Lewis before this book. It is very easy to twist and pervert "love" to fit what you want it to. First establish what is meant by "LOVE", then talk about it. Some children play with love like it is not dangerous as hell.
- Reviewed in the United States on February 3, 2013In alignment with the ideas and principles shown in Ruiz's The Four Agreements, the Mastery of Love approaches the basics of human relationships (romantic and non romantic) by going to the root of what love is, and how true happiness can be found and achieved.
Don Miguel Ruiz uses many metaphorical stories and fables to make his points, and, despite the simplicity of the language, he is able to convey deep and meaningful concepts.
Some of the lessons this book teaches are:
- To have a successful relationship with anybody, no matter the type, you have to work mostly on yourself.
- If you don't truly genuinely love yourself, nobody will.
- If you don't respect yourself, nobody will. Actually, they'll abuse you.
- If you don't accept your body as it is, you are disrespecting yourself, you become insecure and an easy pray to your own and everybody else's criticism. Physical beauty is just an ever-changing idea that means nothing.
- See people for what they are, not for what they could be.
- Accept people for what they are, not for what you want them to be.
- If your partner doesn't have what you are looking for, look for another partner.
- Don't try to change the other person. People don't change that much.
- You can't find happiness unless you are already happy inside.
- You can't find happiness if fear rules your life.
- People vibrate at the same frequency levels and find/meet who they "are", not what they are looking for.
- Don't let your believe system (partly family inherited) and programming (Social/cultural conditioning) rule your life. You want to dream your own dreams, not somebody else's.
- Be true to who you are, and don't fake what you are not. The latter takes much more effort and makes your life more difficult and less fulfilled.
- Forgiveness makes you happier, as cleans out the poison in your emotional body.
- Accept that we are mind and body, and that our animal instincts are nothing to be ashamed of.
- In a couple, the only half you can control is you.
- Improvement is a a fight against your social programming, a 24/7 battle against yourself and your thoughts and emotional reactions.
- We perceive the world with the eyes of our emotions. If they are dirty, we see a dirty world. If you see it rosy, rosy it is.
The book is very philosophical, and helps to clear up our mind when we have doubts about a date, a person with whom we are starting a relationship, or a partner/relative with whom we are having communication or relation problems.
The book is also repetitive, ruthless and pitiless. In a way, tells us to stop with the excuses we give ourselves, do something or shut up. This is not a book for the faint hearted. Don't read it thinking that you will find a magic potion to date the hot new guy/girl on the block or sort out your family relationships. Still, it is a book worth reading, because in its few pages provides us with many useful ideas to ponder about what human connection is and can be.
Despite its title, the Mastery of Love lacks a bit of practicality regarding techniques to implement the advice given, except for some exceptions, and some final prayers, which aren't of much help if you aren't a believer. For ex. if you don't love yourself, how do learn to love yourself? f you are blind and you cannot see, how can do you open your eyes? If you have been abused since childhood, how do you learn to stop the abuse? If you are with somebody who has addictions, mental problems or anger issues, what do you do? Abandon him? Should you abandon any person with whom you don't have a fluffy initial relationship? That sort of questions. Although some of the things Ruiz mentions can be easily accepted, at least at an intellectual and spiritual level, the lack of practical techniques and exercises makes difficult for the reader to go from the intellectual/spiritual acceptance of the ideas and principles mentioned in the book, to a place where things flow naturally from the heart and you experience those feelings yourself.
- Reviewed in the United States on May 23, 2025Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseGood reading for a searching for answers of the soul.
Top reviews from other countries
- ChaitanyaReviewed in India on March 26, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars The healing guide
This beautiful book is a guide I keep with me always, to glean the nuggets of wisdom that help me come back on track each and every time I slip on the path of self love.
- francesca rubeiReviewed in Italy on May 28, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars the mastery of love
Amazing !! I really recommend people reading it ! It makes you think differently.
I also read the first one of don Miguel Ruiz.
He is a great reader
-
BettyReviewed in Spain on January 3, 2025
5.0 out of 5 stars impresendible
Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseUno de los libros que cambia tu forma de ver las cosas.
-
ELO HIGAReviewed in Brazil on August 21, 2022
5.0 out of 5 stars Leitura pra viver o amor e a paz
Format: PaperbackVerified PurchaseEssa leitura nos faz ressignificar a forma como nos relacionamos . Tornando as coisas leves e fazendo renascer o olhar para nós mesmos , o respeito , o amor as escolhas e nossos sonhos. Tudo começa a partir de nós mesmos.
- Amazon CustomerReviewed in Australia on December 23, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars Self love without conditions
I have enjoyed reading this practical and encouraging work. The challenge for me is to recognise the dream of hell as it is created… and to attend to the creation of heaven arising in daily choices toward unconditional loving and acceptance.