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Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up
What does it really mean to be a grown up in today’s world? We assume that once we “get it together” with the right job, marry the right person, have children, and buy a home, all is settled and well. But adulthood presents varying levels of growth, and is rarely the respite of stability we expected. Turbulent emotional shifts can take place anywhere between the age of thirty-five and seventy when we question the choices we’ve made, realize our limitations, and feel stuck— commonly known as the “midlife crisis.” Jungian psycho-analyst James Hollis believes it is only in the second half of life that we can truly come to know who we are and thus create a life that has meaning. In Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life , Hollis explores the ways we can grow and evolve to fully become ourselves when the traditional roles of adulthood aren’t quite working for us, revealing a new way of uncovering and embracing our authentic selves. Offering wisdom to anyone facing a career that no longer seems fulfilling, a long-term relationship that has shifted, or family transitions that raise issues of aging and mortality, Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life provides a reassuring message and a crucial bridge across this critical passage of adult development.
276 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2005
About the author
James Hollis
40 books630 followersJames Hollis, Ph. D., was born in Springfield, Illinois, and graduated from Manchester University in 1962 and Drew University in 1967. He taught Humanities 26 years in various colleges and universities before retraining as a Jungian analyst at the Jung Institute of Zurich, Switzerland (1977-82). He is presently a licensed Jungian analyst in private practice in Washington, D.C. He served as Executive Director of the Jung Educational Center in Houston, Texas for many years and now was Executive Director of the Jung Society of Washington until 2019, and now serves on the JSW Board of Directors. He is a retired Senior Training Analyst for the Inter-Regional Society of Jungian Analysts, was first Director of Training of the Philadelphia Jung Institute, and is Vice-President Emeritus of the Philemon Foundation. Additionally he is a Professor of Jungian Studies for Saybrook University of San Francisco/Houston.
He lives with his wife Jill, an artist and retired therapist, in Washington, DC. Together they have three living children and eight grand-children.
He has written a total of seventeen books, which have been translated into Swedish, Russian, German, Spanish, French, Hungarian, Portuguese, Turkish, Italian, Korean, Finnish, Romanian, Bulgarian, Farsi, Japanese, Greek, Chinese, Serbian, Latvian, Ukranian and Czech.
He lives with his wife Jill, an artist and retired therapist, in Washington, DC. Together they have three living children and eight grand-children.
He has written a total of seventeen books, which have been translated into Swedish, Russian, German, Spanish, French, Hungarian, Portuguese, Turkish, Italian, Korean, Finnish, Romanian, Bulgarian, Farsi, Japanese, Greek, Chinese, Serbian, Latvian, Ukranian and Czech.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 265 reviews
September 2, 2013
The heart of this book could be stated in one short sentence: "The goal of life is not happiness but meaning." (232)
Easily said, but how to find that meaning exactly? That's what the rest of the book addresses. This isn't a "how-to" book, as Hollis explains in his introduction. This book doesn't have any lists to diligently check off on the way to find meaning. Instead, this book is a guide to help the reader to ask the deeper questions of oneself and to have some framework for beginning to understand the answers that will come back.
The title is a slight misnomer, because who knows exactly when the second half of life begins? The subscript of the title, however, gives away the true motivation of the book: "How to Finally, REALLY Grow Up."
Hollis' definition of "growing up" centers on the relational and spiritual work that we each must do if we hope for the flourishing and full development of our Selves. There is no hiding behind a fancy house or Facebook wedding photos/baby photos/whatever-happy-event photos. Reading this book means embarking on an honest examination of who each of us really is at our deepest core and how we connect that to our true longings in life.
By the way, don't worry about how young or old you are when approaching this book. It's not about a "mid-life crisis" -- it's about the crisis that we inevitably find ourselves in when we realize that how we've been leading our lives doesn't match who we really are, and that is something that can happen at any point in life and several times over. This is a book that I will definitely be keeping and rereading throughout the years.
His chapter on intimate relationships was one of the best that I've read on relationships, period. It alone is worth getting the book. He also has an outstanding analysis of religion and spirituality and how they fit into the journey of the soul.
There are so many passages that I marked, but I want to include a few of my favorite quotes from the book to whet the appetite for more self-growth.
"Psychological or spiritual development always requires a greater capacity in us for the toleration of anxiety and ambiguity. The capacity to accept this troubled state, abide it, and commit to life, is the moral measure of our maturity." (40)
"Grieving is an honest affirmation of the value of the original investment of energy." (73)
"So often we experience depression as a dark herald with a grim countenance that tells us something in us is dying, has reached its end, is played out, and yet it really is announcing something new, something larger, something developmental that wishes greater play in our life." (76)
"The 'in love' state, great narcotic as it is, numbs consciousness, retards growth, and serves as a soporific to the soul. Consciously loving another obliges risk, courage in the face of ambiguity, and the strength of tolerance... In the encounter with the other, we begin to realize the immensity of our own soul; by encountering the immensity of the other's soul, including the parts we do not like, we are summoned to largeness, not the diminishment that our infantile agenda seeks." (119)
"Desire and suffering are twins. If we risk loving, we will always open to larger suffering as well." (123)
"The ultimate test of the family is not whether it provides safety and predictability, but whether or to what degree each person can leave it, freely, and return, freely, as a larger person." (142)
"Fundamentalism, be it religious or political or psychological, is an anxiety management technique that finesses the nuances of doubt and ambiguity through rigid and simplistic belief systems." (164-165)
"We know that narcissism is not self-love but rather the confession that one cannot love the self... The failure to accept ourselves makes it very difficult, if not impossible, to accept others, despite our desire to do so." (222)
Easily said, but how to find that meaning exactly? That's what the rest of the book addresses. This isn't a "how-to" book, as Hollis explains in his introduction. This book doesn't have any lists to diligently check off on the way to find meaning. Instead, this book is a guide to help the reader to ask the deeper questions of oneself and to have some framework for beginning to understand the answers that will come back.
The title is a slight misnomer, because who knows exactly when the second half of life begins? The subscript of the title, however, gives away the true motivation of the book: "How to Finally, REALLY Grow Up."
Hollis' definition of "growing up" centers on the relational and spiritual work that we each must do if we hope for the flourishing and full development of our Selves. There is no hiding behind a fancy house or Facebook wedding photos/baby photos/whatever-happy-event photos. Reading this book means embarking on an honest examination of who each of us really is at our deepest core and how we connect that to our true longings in life.
By the way, don't worry about how young or old you are when approaching this book. It's not about a "mid-life crisis" -- it's about the crisis that we inevitably find ourselves in when we realize that how we've been leading our lives doesn't match who we really are, and that is something that can happen at any point in life and several times over. This is a book that I will definitely be keeping and rereading throughout the years.
His chapter on intimate relationships was one of the best that I've read on relationships, period. It alone is worth getting the book. He also has an outstanding analysis of religion and spirituality and how they fit into the journey of the soul.
There are so many passages that I marked, but I want to include a few of my favorite quotes from the book to whet the appetite for more self-growth.
"Psychological or spiritual development always requires a greater capacity in us for the toleration of anxiety and ambiguity. The capacity to accept this troubled state, abide it, and commit to life, is the moral measure of our maturity." (40)
"Grieving is an honest affirmation of the value of the original investment of energy." (73)
"So often we experience depression as a dark herald with a grim countenance that tells us something in us is dying, has reached its end, is played out, and yet it really is announcing something new, something larger, something developmental that wishes greater play in our life." (76)
"The 'in love' state, great narcotic as it is, numbs consciousness, retards growth, and serves as a soporific to the soul. Consciously loving another obliges risk, courage in the face of ambiguity, and the strength of tolerance... In the encounter with the other, we begin to realize the immensity of our own soul; by encountering the immensity of the other's soul, including the parts we do not like, we are summoned to largeness, not the diminishment that our infantile agenda seeks." (119)
"Desire and suffering are twins. If we risk loving, we will always open to larger suffering as well." (123)
"The ultimate test of the family is not whether it provides safety and predictability, but whether or to what degree each person can leave it, freely, and return, freely, as a larger person." (142)
"Fundamentalism, be it religious or political or psychological, is an anxiety management technique that finesses the nuances of doubt and ambiguity through rigid and simplistic belief systems." (164-165)
"We know that narcissism is not self-love but rather the confession that one cannot love the self... The failure to accept ourselves makes it very difficult, if not impossible, to accept others, despite our desire to do so." (222)
January 5, 2013
At some point after my 40th birthday, I began to see clearly that life is not a goal-oriented activity. It's process oriented. How and why we do everything matters so much more than what we do. Hollis's work is always personally challenging, sometimes on a 'tectonic plate' level. In this book, like a zen master, Hollis challenges us to grow up and accept life with a full heart on Life's terms, finally, while we still have time to enjoy it.
October 23, 2018
سوگواری کردن به خاطر از دست دادن یک رابطه صمیمی ، به معنی تجلیل از چیزی است که ما به عنوان یک هدیه دریافت کرده بودیم ، اما این حالت همچنین ممکن است این سوال را مطرح کند که ما چه چیزی از طرف مقابل درخواست میکردیم که لازم است خودمان آن را برای خود انجام دهیم ؟
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May 23, 2022
Have you been waiting for an update to psychoanalysis for the new century? Are you nearing or passing through middle age? Well, if this defines you, then this book may be of interest.
The primary thrust of the book is bringing the findings of psychoanalysis home to early 21st century Americans and American life. As with most of psychoanalysis, be it classical or contemporary, to embrace the message you have to be ready to psychologically identify and move beyond the internalized sources of direction and authority from childhood and young adulthood: be they the internalizations of the parents, the spouse, the peer group, or the company. At the core of the book is the recognition that one of the underlying maladies of modern life is a lack of meaning and a corresponding lack of fulfillment. This is one source of the proverbial mid-life crisis and a reason why adults continue to seek their direction from internalizations of the parents and other authority figures from earlier in life. Rather than confronting it, many people chose various routes of escape: be it shopping, a new sports car, drugs and alcohol, sexual and gender exploration, or going full on new right red pill. It hits people at different points and to different extents; some “fortunate” souls it never hits at all. In reading the book, you'll want to be moderately comfortable navigating some of the principles of psychoanalysis such as projections and transference. The corresponding work one must undertake may be worth it though.
The work and direction do not have to come from this book. Whatever the source, that is the price of living the examined life and charting one's own course towards meaning and hopefully a marginally more fulfilled life. There are, it is worth noting, many other routes of advice that have sprung up in the late 20th and early 21st centuries that are directly or indirectly descended from psychoanalysis ranging from counseling and therapy, to cognitive behavioral therapy, to self-help and life coaching. In a certain sense, it is pick your own adventure. The quest as ever for this book and the psychoanalytic track is to take existential misery and convert it into normal human suffering. Of course, as goes with the territory, the issues to be addressed and suggestions to address them fall under the scope of "first world problems" but that does not make the problems and the challenge to overcome them any less real for the person undergoing them. The book is a little dated, in that the culture has moved on from the mid-2000s, and the evasions that people make have evolved. All the same, the findings are still salient, even if the evasions that you or other people make are a little different, perhaps seem a little more sophisticated, and are a little more novel to root out and overcome.
The primary thrust of the book is bringing the findings of psychoanalysis home to early 21st century Americans and American life. As with most of psychoanalysis, be it classical or contemporary, to embrace the message you have to be ready to psychologically identify and move beyond the internalized sources of direction and authority from childhood and young adulthood: be they the internalizations of the parents, the spouse, the peer group, or the company. At the core of the book is the recognition that one of the underlying maladies of modern life is a lack of meaning and a corresponding lack of fulfillment. This is one source of the proverbial mid-life crisis and a reason why adults continue to seek their direction from internalizations of the parents and other authority figures from earlier in life. Rather than confronting it, many people chose various routes of escape: be it shopping, a new sports car, drugs and alcohol, sexual and gender exploration, or going full on new right red pill. It hits people at different points and to different extents; some “fortunate” souls it never hits at all. In reading the book, you'll want to be moderately comfortable navigating some of the principles of psychoanalysis such as projections and transference. The corresponding work one must undertake may be worth it though.
The work and direction do not have to come from this book. Whatever the source, that is the price of living the examined life and charting one's own course towards meaning and hopefully a marginally more fulfilled life. There are, it is worth noting, many other routes of advice that have sprung up in the late 20th and early 21st centuries that are directly or indirectly descended from psychoanalysis ranging from counseling and therapy, to cognitive behavioral therapy, to self-help and life coaching. In a certain sense, it is pick your own adventure. The quest as ever for this book and the psychoanalytic track is to take existential misery and convert it into normal human suffering. Of course, as goes with the territory, the issues to be addressed and suggestions to address them fall under the scope of "first world problems" but that does not make the problems and the challenge to overcome them any less real for the person undergoing them. The book is a little dated, in that the culture has moved on from the mid-2000s, and the evasions that people make have evolved. All the same, the findings are still salient, even if the evasions that you or other people make are a little different, perhaps seem a little more sophisticated, and are a little more novel to root out and overcome.
March 30, 2011
When my only son went to college, I was struggling with the common issue of the empty nest, and finding meaning in the new chapter of life that I was beginning. A cynical parent I knew quipped sarcastically, "Get a life!" I've had a life, thank you, I responded inwardly. An all-absorbing, rewarding one. That's why I can't just turn off a switch and disengage.
This woman's trite cliché trivialized the complex process of switching gears when one's kids leave home, glossing over the grief-loss component and midlife transition issues. A wiser, wittier friend offered this advice: "Find a new source of meaning, and try not to get too fat."
I perused many books about letting go of our college age kids and our old parenting role, and looking forward to the future. But this book by a Jungian psychoanalyst offered the richest, deepest perspective on the second half of life I had ever found.
Like most books based on Carl Jung's depth psychology, Dr. Hollis' book is not for the squeamish or the shallow. It is not self-help lite, promising the reader magic, instant personal reinvention by learning a few superficial principles. Through a discussion of the lives of many midlife adults, facing crossroads requiring great courage, embracing the heretofore ignored "shadow" in their souls, Dr. Hollis invites the reader into the deep end of the pool. In the second half of life, the author asserts, it is our developmental task, to individuate, to become more authentically ourselves.
Carl Jung's insightful quote about "the afternoon of life" might well be on the back cover of this book:
"A human being would certainly not grow to be seventy or eighty years old if this longevity had no meaning for the species. The afternoon of human life must also have a significance of its own and cannot be merely a pitiful appendage to life's morning. The significance of the morning undoubtedly lies in the development of the individual, our entrenchment in the outer world, the propagation of our kind, and the care of our children. This is the obvious purpose of nature. But when this purpose has been attained - and more than attained - shall the earning of money, the extension of conquests, and the expansion of life go steadily on beyond the bounds of all reason and sense? Whoever carries over into the afternoon the law of the morning, or the natural aim, must pay for it with damage to his soul, just as surely as a growing youth who tries to carry over his childish egoism into adult life must pay for this mistake with social failure."
("The Stages of Life" (1930). In CW 8: The Structure and Dynamics of the Psyche. P. 787)
This woman's trite cliché trivialized the complex process of switching gears when one's kids leave home, glossing over the grief-loss component and midlife transition issues. A wiser, wittier friend offered this advice: "Find a new source of meaning, and try not to get too fat."
I perused many books about letting go of our college age kids and our old parenting role, and looking forward to the future. But this book by a Jungian psychoanalyst offered the richest, deepest perspective on the second half of life I had ever found.
Like most books based on Carl Jung's depth psychology, Dr. Hollis' book is not for the squeamish or the shallow. It is not self-help lite, promising the reader magic, instant personal reinvention by learning a few superficial principles. Through a discussion of the lives of many midlife adults, facing crossroads requiring great courage, embracing the heretofore ignored "shadow" in their souls, Dr. Hollis invites the reader into the deep end of the pool. In the second half of life, the author asserts, it is our developmental task, to individuate, to become more authentically ourselves.
Carl Jung's insightful quote about "the afternoon of life" might well be on the back cover of this book:
"A human being would certainly not grow to be seventy or eighty years old if this longevity had no meaning for the species. The afternoon of human life must also have a significance of its own and cannot be merely a pitiful appendage to life's morning. The significance of the morning undoubtedly lies in the development of the individual, our entrenchment in the outer world, the propagation of our kind, and the care of our children. This is the obvious purpose of nature. But when this purpose has been attained - and more than attained - shall the earning of money, the extension of conquests, and the expansion of life go steadily on beyond the bounds of all reason and sense? Whoever carries over into the afternoon the law of the morning, or the natural aim, must pay for it with damage to his soul, just as surely as a growing youth who tries to carry over his childish egoism into adult life must pay for this mistake with social failure."
("The Stages of Life" (1930). In CW 8: The Structure and Dynamics of the Psyche. P. 787)
March 5, 2023
Actual rating: probably 2 1/2 stars since my response was not quite "I liked it," but two stars seems a little harsh.
Hollis quotes a lot of Jung and a lot of Rilke. He clearly disdains anything remotely "new age" (which he seems to use a very large umbrella to cover) and most of modern society. I don't necessarily disagree with him, but I found a couple hundred pages of his tone wearing. He reminded me of the head of a corporation who pontificates on everything and is happy about nothing.
At the very end of the book is a short list of questions, each of which could be fodder for therapy billable hours for years and most of which are unanswerable. Had that list been at the beginning of the book, I might have felt that reading it had more of a point.
I read a lot of Jung in college (kind of.required for a psych minor back then), and I just don't remember Jung being so grumpy, judgmental, and preachy. Maybe if one wants Jung, one should just read Jung.
Hollis quotes a lot of Jung and a lot of Rilke. He clearly disdains anything remotely "new age" (which he seems to use a very large umbrella to cover) and most of modern society. I don't necessarily disagree with him, but I found a couple hundred pages of his tone wearing. He reminded me of the head of a corporation who pontificates on everything and is happy about nothing.
At the very end of the book is a short list of questions, each of which could be fodder for therapy billable hours for years and most of which are unanswerable. Had that list been at the beginning of the book, I might have felt that reading it had more of a point.
I read a lot of Jung in college (kind of.required for a psych minor back then), and I just don't remember Jung being so grumpy, judgmental, and preachy. Maybe if one wants Jung, one should just read Jung.
February 21, 2010
Read this book! And you don't need to be old to read it....profound
April 3, 2008
What a horrible title for an excellent book. Great food for thought and encouragement for people who suspect or have discovered that the mainstream path laid out for us is unsatisfying and lacking. I made notes, highlighted and underlined so much in this book, there is little that I did not find applicable or noteworthy.
October 21, 2012
Hollis is a Jungian analyst and scholar who has written an accessible book about the second part of life - after career goals have been met (or not), after children have been raised, when you are asking yourself, "Now what?". I have always been intrigued by the work of CJ Jung but I found the language to be so very foreign to me. Hollis's presentation is more concrete and the language that he uses resonates with me. To be honest, his writing made me feel okay about the current state of confusion in which I find myself . At one point fairly early on, he suggests that the internal struggle at midlife (if you are conscious of it) is in no way narcissistic - that was good to read b/c I ws getting on my own case for even wondering about the Peggy Lee quesiton: "Is that all there is?" --
I highly recommend this book to people who find themselves wondering why life doesn't appear to be working for them when they believe they have followed all the rules but something is still missing.
I highly recommend this book to people who find themselves wondering why life doesn't appear to be working for them when they believe they have followed all the rules but something is still missing.
August 20, 2013
Spoiler: yes, this is a self-help book. I wasn't really in the need for one but a friend of mine recommended me to it and I read it. It is good. It has some profound insights which can help people move out of the things that are keeping them from moving on with their lives and stop living the live they were expected to live for others. It can get boring from time to time, because it feels like you're getting lectured by someone with all the answers, which is common in self-help books. But I was able to filter some very good stuff that I had not found in other books on human behaviour, so the book definetly has its value and the author is really onto something here. You just have to give it a chance.
January 8, 2023
This was a fantastic look into the psyche. I got a lot out of it. It's much more than just a checklist of how to be happy. Hollis really encourages you to look into yourself and discover how you can find meaning in your life. I read this a bit early, I don't think I'm quite up to the second half (hopefully). But I think it could be read by anyone.
Hollis's prose gets a bit too flowery at times, he likes his poets and philosophers. It's fine, but can distract from the message. I would have appreciated a summary at the end of each chapter that states things in more plain english.
Hollis's prose gets a bit too flowery at times, he likes his poets and philosophers. It's fine, but can distract from the message. I would have appreciated a summary at the end of each chapter that states things in more plain english.
March 8, 2019
absolute must read
February 6, 2021
Some problems I see with the author's point of view:
1. He thinks everyone's goal in life is toward self-realization. I wonder if he ever came across the argument espoused in Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence, where the author says that this goal toward self-realization is more common among certain types of people (NF/Idealist), which also happens to be the personality most common among psychotherapists. In other words, just because he, James Hollis, had this need, and a lot of the people he reads also had this need, he thinks people who don't get there are as unhappy as he was before he got there.
2. He is very sure that the child's family is the biggest influence in his life, forever. I wonder if he ever came across the arguments espoused in The Nurture Assumption: Why Children Turn Out the Way They Do, where a specialist in child development attacks quite convincingly that theory.
3. In his rousseauistic view of human beings he seems to disregard the possibility that some people should really adapt to their family's or society's pressures. There are many immature people in the world that are or would be better off following more traditional roadmaps for a good life than listening to themselves. The stories of the most idiotic behaviors by people who are just “doing their thang”, narrated by Theodore Dalrymple comes to mind.
4. Not wanting to sound more unscientific than he already has to (he's not a psychologist/ psychiatrist and he's Jungian) the author repeats twice or thrice, when talking about depression, that he's "not referring to biological depression, which might account for 25% of the cases and in which case the patient should take antidepressants". I wonder if he's aware that no biological marker for depression has ever been found, or of the mounting evidence that antidepressants are as good as active placebos (The New Mind-Body Science of Depression, The Emperor's New Drugs: Exploding the Antidepressant Myth, Anatomy of an Epidemic: Magic Bullets, Psychiatric Drugs, and the Astonishing Rise of Mental Illness in America)
5. He is a bit too interested in his inner word. It reminded me of Becoming Myself: A Psychiatrist's Memoir, Irvin Yalom's autobiography. Among other things Yalom would record and listen to his own psychotherapy sessions, sometimes more than once, analyze himself extensively, reread his own journal entries, his own books, etc. I mean, surely there's a healthier mean between not being aware of your own inner life and being that self-obsessed. And as far as I can tell from this guy and Yalom's late writings, this way of being isn’t making them very equanimous in their journeys towards death (they’re both in their 80's). I get the impression they should give their inner lives a rest and be a little bit more like normal old people for a change. I don't think it's a coincidence you can't quite find Hollis' age online (only estimates) - he seems to be fighting with being perceived as old.
------------------
O James Hollis é um psicoterapeuta junguiano, ou seja, é um profissional que segue as teorias do psiquiatra Carl Jung para tratar das pessoas. Geralmente, os junguianos dão muita ênfase ao poder do inconsciente pra guiar a vida das pessoas, então tentam acessar esse inconsciente através dos sonhos e de outros símbolos na vida da pessoa. A ideia é que o inconsciente sabe o que é melhor e sempre está, em uma dialética com o consciente, buscando guiar o paciente rumo à individuação, Isto é, ao processo através do qual a pessoa se torna a versão mais madura e completa de si mesmo.
1. He thinks everyone's goal in life is toward self-realization. I wonder if he ever came across the argument espoused in Please Understand Me II: Temperament, Character, Intelligence, where the author says that this goal toward self-realization is more common among certain types of people (NF/Idealist), which also happens to be the personality most common among psychotherapists. In other words, just because he, James Hollis, had this need, and a lot of the people he reads also had this need, he thinks people who don't get there are as unhappy as he was before he got there.
2. He is very sure that the child's family is the biggest influence in his life, forever. I wonder if he ever came across the arguments espoused in The Nurture Assumption: Why Children Turn Out the Way They Do, where a specialist in child development attacks quite convincingly that theory.
3. In his rousseauistic view of human beings he seems to disregard the possibility that some people should really adapt to their family's or society's pressures. There are many immature people in the world that are or would be better off following more traditional roadmaps for a good life than listening to themselves. The stories of the most idiotic behaviors by people who are just “doing their thang”, narrated by Theodore Dalrymple comes to mind.
4. Not wanting to sound more unscientific than he already has to (he's not a psychologist/ psychiatrist and he's Jungian) the author repeats twice or thrice, when talking about depression, that he's "not referring to biological depression, which might account for 25% of the cases and in which case the patient should take antidepressants". I wonder if he's aware that no biological marker for depression has ever been found, or of the mounting evidence that antidepressants are as good as active placebos (The New Mind-Body Science of Depression, The Emperor's New Drugs: Exploding the Antidepressant Myth, Anatomy of an Epidemic: Magic Bullets, Psychiatric Drugs, and the Astonishing Rise of Mental Illness in America)
5. He is a bit too interested in his inner word. It reminded me of Becoming Myself: A Psychiatrist's Memoir, Irvin Yalom's autobiography. Among other things Yalom would record and listen to his own psychotherapy sessions, sometimes more than once, analyze himself extensively, reread his own journal entries, his own books, etc. I mean, surely there's a healthier mean between not being aware of your own inner life and being that self-obsessed. And as far as I can tell from this guy and Yalom's late writings, this way of being isn’t making them very equanimous in their journeys towards death (they’re both in their 80's). I get the impression they should give their inner lives a rest and be a little bit more like normal old people for a change. I don't think it's a coincidence you can't quite find Hollis' age online (only estimates) - he seems to be fighting with being perceived as old.
------------------
O James Hollis é um psicoterapeuta junguiano, ou seja, é um profissional que segue as teorias do psiquiatra Carl Jung para tratar das pessoas. Geralmente, os junguianos dão muita ênfase ao poder do inconsciente pra guiar a vida das pessoas, então tentam acessar esse inconsciente através dos sonhos e de outros símbolos na vida da pessoa. A ideia é que o inconsciente sabe o que é melhor e sempre está, em uma dialética com o consciente, buscando guiar o paciente rumo à individuação, Isto é, ao processo através do qual a pessoa se torna a versão mais madura e completa de si mesmo.
August 1, 2016
I have no idea how I found my way to James Hollis but I am so glad that I did. For a while now (years) I have found myself asking the questions "what does it all mean?", "what's the point?" "are we just random cells assembled in a random universe?", but I had not voiced these questions to anyone except my husband. Let's be fair, not easy questions to grapple with. However, this book does just that. If I said that it provided answers, I'd be lying but what I can say is that it offers a framework for finding meaning beyond our experiences of being a material form in a material age.
James Hollis is a Jungian analyst and he brings his theoretical, experiential and practice based understanding of Jung's work to the book. Over the years I have been tempted by Jung but have never been able to find his theories accessible to me on a personal level. For the first time I am now intrigued by how Jung understood the world and how that understanding might enrich lives. Not enrich in the popular culture sense (money, success, career, possessions, status. romance) but enrich in the sense of personal growth in the face of what life throws at us and how to recognise how our unconscious predisposes us to act in certain ways.
Jung's theory asks us to see ouselves as spiritual beings. This is a tall order for me but one which I might explore.
I would not consider this a self-help book. Hollis is not your common or garden positive psychologist suggesting that happiness can be achieved by thinking along the right lines. In fact, happiness is bypassed in favour of finding meaning. The search in life, is one for meaning not happiness. And, as life can be an absolute bitch to many of us it seems a much more universal approach to being human. As Jung said "Meaning makes a great many things endurable - perhaps everything."
James Hollis is a Jungian analyst and he brings his theoretical, experiential and practice based understanding of Jung's work to the book. Over the years I have been tempted by Jung but have never been able to find his theories accessible to me on a personal level. For the first time I am now intrigued by how Jung understood the world and how that understanding might enrich lives. Not enrich in the popular culture sense (money, success, career, possessions, status. romance) but enrich in the sense of personal growth in the face of what life throws at us and how to recognise how our unconscious predisposes us to act in certain ways.
Jung's theory asks us to see ouselves as spiritual beings. This is a tall order for me but one which I might explore.
I would not consider this a self-help book. Hollis is not your common or garden positive psychologist suggesting that happiness can be achieved by thinking along the right lines. In fact, happiness is bypassed in favour of finding meaning. The search in life, is one for meaning not happiness. And, as life can be an absolute bitch to many of us it seems a much more universal approach to being human. As Jung said "Meaning makes a great many things endurable - perhaps everything."
September 18, 2022
Érdekes a viszonyom ehhez a könyvhöz, ugyanis a bevezetőben és egyben összegzésben olvashattam azt a néhány mondatot, ami fontos volt számomra, sokat is segített. A többi nagyrészt számomra blabla. A feléig olvastam el rendesen, utána csak átfutottam.
A projektálós résznél megint csikorgattam a fogam, erre a témára ugrom. Hosszú oldalakon keresztül boncolgatja, kb. hibaként rója fel, hogy a kapcsolatainkban projektálunk és nem biztos, hogy megfelelőn kapcsolódunk és viszonyulunk másokhoz. Szerintem meg nyilván projektálunk, mert létezünk. Aki létezik, annak van egy története és személyisége is akad... Számomra természetes, hogy ezeken keresztül viszonyulunk bárkihez és bármihez - ez az élet, ettől zajlik. Ez a feladat, hogy ezekkel a tarsolyunkban boldoguljunk valahogy. Ezen nyammogni....hát nem tudom. Persze vannak filozófiák, módszerek, amiknek célja, hogy ezektől megszabaduljunk, de nem várható el mindenkitől, hogy buddhista legyen, nem is kell.
Az viszont tetszett és kapcsolódik a projekcióhoz, hogy a modern társadalomban elvesztettük az istenekkel, a nem megfoghatóval a kapcsolatot és kivetítjük ilyen irányú tudat alatti igényeinket a biztonságot ígérő pénzre, csillogó tárgyakra, ideológiákra, politikai pártokra - félelmetes ezt tudatosítani.
"A helyes gondolkodás és az ésszerű magatartás meg viselkedés sem fogja kielégíteni a lelket." - ó, ezt de mennyire ismerem....😀
Az egész mondandó lényege, hogy ne hagyjuk befolyásolni magunkat semmilyen társadalmi, kulturális, vagy akár erkölcsi mítosz által, hanem kövessük a lelkünk szavát, találjuk meg saját személyes mítoszunkat, az lesz jó nekünk.
A projektálós résznél megint csikorgattam a fogam, erre a témára ugrom. Hosszú oldalakon keresztül boncolgatja, kb. hibaként rója fel, hogy a kapcsolatainkban projektálunk és nem biztos, hogy megfelelőn kapcsolódunk és viszonyulunk másokhoz. Szerintem meg nyilván projektálunk, mert létezünk. Aki létezik, annak van egy története és személyisége is akad... Számomra természetes, hogy ezeken keresztül viszonyulunk bárkihez és bármihez - ez az élet, ettől zajlik. Ez a feladat, hogy ezekkel a tarsolyunkban boldoguljunk valahogy. Ezen nyammogni....hát nem tudom. Persze vannak filozófiák, módszerek, amiknek célja, hogy ezektől megszabaduljunk, de nem várható el mindenkitől, hogy buddhista legyen, nem is kell.
Az viszont tetszett és kapcsolódik a projekcióhoz, hogy a modern társadalomban elvesztettük az istenekkel, a nem megfoghatóval a kapcsolatot és kivetítjük ilyen irányú tudat alatti igényeinket a biztonságot ígérő pénzre, csillogó tárgyakra, ideológiákra, politikai pártokra - félelmetes ezt tudatosítani.
"A helyes gondolkodás és az ésszerű magatartás meg viselkedés sem fogja kielégíteni a lelket." - ó, ezt de mennyire ismerem....😀
Az egész mondandó lényege, hogy ne hagyjuk befolyásolni magunkat semmilyen társadalmi, kulturális, vagy akár erkölcsi mítosz által, hanem kövessük a lelkünk szavát, találjuk meg saját személyes mítoszunkat, az lesz jó nekünk.
January 11, 2024
A powerhouse of a book so full of insight into the human mind, heart and soul! Good enough to own and re-read.
August 26, 2017
Very dense and psychological, full of lovely quotes and references. A lot of Jung. Good reminders that resonated deeply.
Notes:
"Daily confrontation with fear and lethargy"
Only boldness can deliver us from fear. And if the risk isn't taken, the meaning of life is somehow violated - Jung
Humbling wisdom and tragic sense of life
Wound of overwhelmment
Wound of insufficiency
Trauma of overwhelment leads to learned response of accommodation. We ignore our inner life
-learning to find ones truth requires suffering the anxiety aroused by acting in more consciously in integrity, and tolerating the assault of the anxiety driven "guilt" thereafter
- draw of old pattern of powerlessness
Insufficiency- respond by overcompensating. Will to power.
Breaking tyranny of addiction requires one to feel the pain that the addiction defends against
The ego wishes comfort, security, satiety; the soul demands meaning, struggle, becoming.
Greatest addictions of our time are television and food
Notes:
"Daily confrontation with fear and lethargy"
Only boldness can deliver us from fear. And if the risk isn't taken, the meaning of life is somehow violated - Jung
Humbling wisdom and tragic sense of life
Wound of overwhelmment
Wound of insufficiency
Trauma of overwhelment leads to learned response of accommodation. We ignore our inner life
-learning to find ones truth requires suffering the anxiety aroused by acting in more consciously in integrity, and tolerating the assault of the anxiety driven "guilt" thereafter
- draw of old pattern of powerlessness
Insufficiency- respond by overcompensating. Will to power.
Breaking tyranny of addiction requires one to feel the pain that the addiction defends against
The ego wishes comfort, security, satiety; the soul demands meaning, struggle, becoming.
Greatest addictions of our time are television and food
March 31, 2010
I cannot get enough of James Hollis. This Jungian analyst is a great teacher and healer. His books are readable and profoundly inpactful. One of Hollis's theses in this book is that young people spend the first half of their lives living out the unlived lives of their parents...WOW! Since historically we have not lived a long second half of life, midlife reflection invites us to imagine and create a few perfect decades for ourselves.
September 5, 2014
Examines the tendency to live the first half of one's life according to familial and societal expectations, resulting in unhappiness and ennui in middle age. Encourages readers to recognize their true selves and reorient their lives in a manner that gives them fulfillment and purpose. Not helpful if you have already thrown off those bondages.
April 14, 2024
I am sure this book has its audience, but I had trouble connecting with it. If I had read this in the 1990s, I think it would have worked better for me. It has a lot of Jung / archetype theory underpinning it's outlook, but I connect more with mindfulness now.
Want to read
April 3, 2019Mentioned in Brené Brown’s book Rising Strong.
May 17, 2020
I heard James Hollis on the Art of Manliness. Hollis is a Jungian psychotherapist interested in the second half of life (what I want to be when I grow up). The book references depth psychology and psychodynamic theory in working with people in the second half of life who have followed their Super Ego and find themselves with grief and loss, betrayal, doubt and loneliness, addictions, depression, anxiety, and guilt. At the basis of these existential crisis is suffering. We all suffer, and at the basis of the book is what do we do with that suffering.
Hollis writes about his failures as a therapist, when he posed obvious questions to people and they walked out of therapy or never returned. People want a pill or a quick fix or the other to do the impossible and carry their suffering for them. He is critical of the “New Age thinking (that) has seeped into general public consciousness”. “This populist philosophy offers seductive ungrounded spiritual practices that seek to finesse the question of suffering” (p 171). New age gurus provide simplistic thinking for us and attempt to remove us from our suffering, but it never lasts.
Hollis states that “desire and suffering are twins” (p 106), maybe they are opposite sides of the same coin. If you experience suffering, you desire to be without this. If you desire something, you feel a suffering for not having it. He quotes the biblical “Love one's neighbour as oneself'” (p 180). This is only possible in a positive sense if we first love ourselves. Love for self must come first and is a precondition for love for others. (This does not mean the narcissistic form of love for self at the exclusion of others. Do narcissists truly love themselves? This question is a whole other book).
Hollis quotes Joseph Campbell “we can spend decades climbing the ladder, only to realize too late that we have placed it against the wrong wall” (p 198). I thought this is quite tragic that people spend a lot of their lives doing what they should do from a ‘super ego’ perspective. Hollis suggest this is what we should be doing in the first half of life. If it was not for the hope of getting better and arriving somewhere, no one would do the existential work required to survive, which is strive for better. It is only when we mature that we see over the horizon of a peak, is another peak.
Hollis is Yoda like when he writes “Our anxieties lead us to grasp at certainties. Certainties lead to dogma; dogma leads to rigidity; rigidity leads to idolatry; idolatry always banishes the mystery and thus leads to spiritual narrowing”. “To bear the anxiety of doubt is to be lead to openness; openness leads to revelation; revelation leads to discovery; discovery leads to enlargement” (p 179). A big part of the things I study is developing comfort with discomfort.
I have always been surprised in life that the right book or person turns up just when I need them. Hollis alludes to this in “When the moment is ripe for us to hear, then the word is spoken. Perhaps, the word is always being spoken, but it takes our readiness to hear”. (p 204). It is Paulo Coelho like, the universe conspires for you to reach you destiny.
The work is certainly esoteric, and not a ‘how to’ guide. His writing is dense and could have used paragraphs better. He is critical of modern Psychiatry when he states, “Psychiatry today is less a psychotherapeutic enterprise than a pharmacological crapshoot” (p 181). I have been working in the field for more than half my life and have seen the dangers (and seduction) of quick fixes for both clinicians and people who they treat. I aspire to be the guide of the deep work that tames suffering and directs it towards something better, but this work is often painful and causes suffering. We will always suffer, but if you are awake you can choose why you suffer, which is better than suffering for no reason.
Hollis writes about his failures as a therapist, when he posed obvious questions to people and they walked out of therapy or never returned. People want a pill or a quick fix or the other to do the impossible and carry their suffering for them. He is critical of the “New Age thinking (that) has seeped into general public consciousness”. “This populist philosophy offers seductive ungrounded spiritual practices that seek to finesse the question of suffering” (p 171). New age gurus provide simplistic thinking for us and attempt to remove us from our suffering, but it never lasts.
Hollis states that “desire and suffering are twins” (p 106), maybe they are opposite sides of the same coin. If you experience suffering, you desire to be without this. If you desire something, you feel a suffering for not having it. He quotes the biblical “Love one's neighbour as oneself'” (p 180). This is only possible in a positive sense if we first love ourselves. Love for self must come first and is a precondition for love for others. (This does not mean the narcissistic form of love for self at the exclusion of others. Do narcissists truly love themselves? This question is a whole other book).
Hollis quotes Joseph Campbell “we can spend decades climbing the ladder, only to realize too late that we have placed it against the wrong wall” (p 198). I thought this is quite tragic that people spend a lot of their lives doing what they should do from a ‘super ego’ perspective. Hollis suggest this is what we should be doing in the first half of life. If it was not for the hope of getting better and arriving somewhere, no one would do the existential work required to survive, which is strive for better. It is only when we mature that we see over the horizon of a peak, is another peak.
Hollis is Yoda like when he writes “Our anxieties lead us to grasp at certainties. Certainties lead to dogma; dogma leads to rigidity; rigidity leads to idolatry; idolatry always banishes the mystery and thus leads to spiritual narrowing”. “To bear the anxiety of doubt is to be lead to openness; openness leads to revelation; revelation leads to discovery; discovery leads to enlargement” (p 179). A big part of the things I study is developing comfort with discomfort.
I have always been surprised in life that the right book or person turns up just when I need them. Hollis alludes to this in “When the moment is ripe for us to hear, then the word is spoken. Perhaps, the word is always being spoken, but it takes our readiness to hear”. (p 204). It is Paulo Coelho like, the universe conspires for you to reach you destiny.
The work is certainly esoteric, and not a ‘how to’ guide. His writing is dense and could have used paragraphs better. He is critical of modern Psychiatry when he states, “Psychiatry today is less a psychotherapeutic enterprise than a pharmacological crapshoot” (p 181). I have been working in the field for more than half my life and have seen the dangers (and seduction) of quick fixes for both clinicians and people who they treat. I aspire to be the guide of the deep work that tames suffering and directs it towards something better, but this work is often painful and causes suffering. We will always suffer, but if you are awake you can choose why you suffer, which is better than suffering for no reason.
Read
April 24, 2009With this book, I'm finally giving myself permission NOT to answer the
annoying question "Are you happy?" Now I know why that question has always irritated me. Life is not about whether you're happy--
it's about whether life is meaningful, especially in the second half of life. In fact, meaning is the critical experience to the second half of life.
I also learned that it's better to get comfortable with increasingly
complex and numerous questions rather than to define oneself with definitives and identities. This book was like yoga for the mind
and heart.
The fact that I spent many years in the hallowed halls where the author now works increases my fondness for the material.
annoying question "Are you happy?" Now I know why that question has always irritated me. Life is not about whether you're happy--
it's about whether life is meaningful, especially in the second half of life. In fact, meaning is the critical experience to the second half of life.
I also learned that it's better to get comfortable with increasingly
complex and numerous questions rather than to define oneself with definitives and identities. This book was like yoga for the mind
and heart.
The fact that I spent many years in the hallowed halls where the author now works increases my fondness for the material.
June 17, 2013
Nothing eye-opening here. Unfortunately this reads as many Jungian psychologist books do. It's a nod to Jung while at the same time written like a self-help book. There are many other books which echo the good advice in this book but go even further by providing concrete scientific examples. Many of the positive psychology books such as Martin Seligman's Positive Psychology and Corey Keyes' Flourishing provide useful information in a more worthwhile package.
October 21, 2021
Some nice tips. Too academic sometimes.
December 15, 2021
OK Boomer
January 25, 2023
3.5 stars. I feel like Hollis diagnoses a lot of problems correctly, and there is a lot to the Jungian perspective that makes perfect sense. The chapter on romantic love was particularly painful for me, but very apt. Overall, this is a very good book. However, his solutions have a few problems that bother me and he lost me at the end.
1) The model appears to be totally analytical (i.e. mind-driven). There are newer (and in my opinion better) psychodynamic models with a more holistic approach, which incorporate somatic, family systems and mindfulness approaches on top of the Freudian/Jungian theory. Dr. Gabor Mate's compassionate inquiry model, for example, hits on all the analytical points covered by Hollis here, but offers something a little more deep and fulfilling than "think really, really hard about how your unconscious fucks you over."
2) The model lacks compassion and is rather narrow-minded. At times, it feels like Hollis is saying that if you don't do things the Jungian way, you must be an addict, narcissist, sociopath or a religious fundamentalist. To point once again to the compassionate inquiry model, there are better ways to go about working with one's "complexes" than to be so judgemental. I get that this is just a short book and not equal to four years of analysis, but in Gabor Mate's work the compassion is baked in front and centre (including in the name of the model itself).
3) The model is ultimately grounded on nothing. Hollis rails against religion, insisting that spirituality is different... But why? Because you have strong gut feelings? Because you can selectively quote a bunch of poets that all kind of agree about the human condition? Hollis fails to provide a satisfying answer.
On what grounds should anyone do anything? What is the ultimate source of one's responsibility to act in any particular way? Well, according to Hollis (i) you MUST have an authentic connection to your true self (aka your soul), and (ii) you MUST be accountable for your actions, for... reasons! To be clear, I think "the good life" does require both (i) and (ii), but I think the reason for this is that *it feels good*. In other words, the reason to follow Hollis's advice is because it is the best form of hedonism we currently have available to us. Hollis would clearly deny outright that he is a hedonist - he's "spiritual" after all! But unless you believe in a divine spirit that flows through all matter - which Hollis cannot and does not demonstrate exists - employing Hollis's approach and filling your life with an abundance of meaning is just Hedonism 2.0.
1) The model appears to be totally analytical (i.e. mind-driven). There are newer (and in my opinion better) psychodynamic models with a more holistic approach, which incorporate somatic, family systems and mindfulness approaches on top of the Freudian/Jungian theory. Dr. Gabor Mate's compassionate inquiry model, for example, hits on all the analytical points covered by Hollis here, but offers something a little more deep and fulfilling than "think really, really hard about how your unconscious fucks you over."
2) The model lacks compassion and is rather narrow-minded. At times, it feels like Hollis is saying that if you don't do things the Jungian way, you must be an addict, narcissist, sociopath or a religious fundamentalist. To point once again to the compassionate inquiry model, there are better ways to go about working with one's "complexes" than to be so judgemental. I get that this is just a short book and not equal to four years of analysis, but in Gabor Mate's work the compassion is baked in front and centre (including in the name of the model itself).
3) The model is ultimately grounded on nothing. Hollis rails against religion, insisting that spirituality is different... But why? Because you have strong gut feelings? Because you can selectively quote a bunch of poets that all kind of agree about the human condition? Hollis fails to provide a satisfying answer.
On what grounds should anyone do anything? What is the ultimate source of one's responsibility to act in any particular way? Well, according to Hollis (i) you MUST have an authentic connection to your true self (aka your soul), and (ii) you MUST be accountable for your actions, for... reasons! To be clear, I think "the good life" does require both (i) and (ii), but I think the reason for this is that *it feels good*. In other words, the reason to follow Hollis's advice is because it is the best form of hedonism we currently have available to us. Hollis would clearly deny outright that he is a hedonist - he's "spiritual" after all! But unless you believe in a divine spirit that flows through all matter - which Hollis cannot and does not demonstrate exists - employing Hollis's approach and filling your life with an abundance of meaning is just Hedonism 2.0.
May 6, 2024
Ebből a könyvből is próbáltam idézeteket, részeket kiírni, amelyek nagyon tetszettek, és majd akár vissza is kereshetem őket, de már az elején feladtam, hiszen szinte az egész könyvet ki kellene írnom. Nem marad más választásom, mintsem feltenni a kedvenc könyvek polcára, amit majd időnként leveszek és újraolvasok.
Gondolkodom a címén, hogy a könyv tükrében mit is jelent az életnek a "'második" fele, merthogy nem annyira az életközépi válságról szól és annak nehézségeiről, vagy hogyan durvulhat az el, mik a korai jelei vagy milyen feldolgozással kell kijönni belőle, hanem inkább a kiteljesedett és mélyebb élet megéléséhez vezető mocsarakon való átkelések elfogadásához vezet el. Ennek a szemléletmódnak a megértése pedig inkább egyénfüggő, mintsem kortól függő igény, de lehet, hogy talán mégis szükséges elegendő élettapasztalat, hogy az olvasó igazán érezze a könyvben található szemléletmód fontosságát és igazságtartalmát? Persze, lehet, hogy ennél is több kell: csalódottság, világból való mély kiábrándultság, a hiábavalóságok és a felszínes émelyítő igazságok habzsolásától kapott rosszullét egy olyan korban, amikor a lélek szót startból New-Age szlogennek tituláljuk, és mindenféle szorongó vagy depressziós állapotot pozitív üzenetekkel és bogyó beszedésével korrigálunk, miközben az önazonosság után vágyakozó lélek kommunikálni akar, és az érettség megszerzéséhez a bejárni egy emberi tapasztalatokból építkező utat. (aminek hát a mocsarak is a része) Vagy lehet a könyv befogadásához elég csak simán annak fájdalma, hogy a mai szemkápráztató, zajos világban a lelkünkkel való kapcsolat akaratlanul is satnyul. (és ez alól azt hiszem ma már senki sem kivétel)
Nagyon megszerettem na ezt a könyvet, hiszen több és mélyebb, mint a mai modern önismeretet ígérgető, divatos pszichológiai szavakkal dobálózó, receptszerű, száraz ismereteket rendszerező és csak az ego farigcsálását kiszolgáló könyvek vagy az interneten lapozgathatós "lélektan", ami bármikor bárhová bárkinek beilleszthető.
Ez a könyv végtelenül tisztelettel bánik veled, mégsem arról szól, hogy az egód duzzasztja vagy a sebeidet nyalogatja és kiterápiázza neked, hogyan viselkedj ezután, hanem mindenestől lát: emberből vagy. Egy ilyen és ilyen kultúrában és világban, és talán létezik több is, amit látunk. Talán van lelked, a saját útjával.
A jungiánus pszichológia végig átlengi a könyvet, de az életfilozófiai mondanivalójában besegítenek a sokszor elmondhatatlan emberi lét paradoxonjait felvillantani képes költők is. Úgy érzem, ennek a könyvnek az elolvasása után már sokkal nehezebb lesz önsegítő könyvet válogatnom.
Gondolkodom a címén, hogy a könyv tükrében mit is jelent az életnek a "'második" fele, merthogy nem annyira az életközépi válságról szól és annak nehézségeiről, vagy hogyan durvulhat az el, mik a korai jelei vagy milyen feldolgozással kell kijönni belőle, hanem inkább a kiteljesedett és mélyebb élet megéléséhez vezető mocsarakon való átkelések elfogadásához vezet el. Ennek a szemléletmódnak a megértése pedig inkább egyénfüggő, mintsem kortól függő igény, de lehet, hogy talán mégis szükséges elegendő élettapasztalat, hogy az olvasó igazán érezze a könyvben található szemléletmód fontosságát és igazságtartalmát? Persze, lehet, hogy ennél is több kell: csalódottság, világból való mély kiábrándultság, a hiábavalóságok és a felszínes émelyítő igazságok habzsolásától kapott rosszullét egy olyan korban, amikor a lélek szót startból New-Age szlogennek tituláljuk, és mindenféle szorongó vagy depressziós állapotot pozitív üzenetekkel és bogyó beszedésével korrigálunk, miközben az önazonosság után vágyakozó lélek kommunikálni akar, és az érettség megszerzéséhez a bejárni egy emberi tapasztalatokból építkező utat. (aminek hát a mocsarak is a része) Vagy lehet a könyv befogadásához elég csak simán annak fájdalma, hogy a mai szemkápráztató, zajos világban a lelkünkkel való kapcsolat akaratlanul is satnyul. (és ez alól azt hiszem ma már senki sem kivétel)
Nagyon megszerettem na ezt a könyvet, hiszen több és mélyebb, mint a mai modern önismeretet ígérgető, divatos pszichológiai szavakkal dobálózó, receptszerű, száraz ismereteket rendszerező és csak az ego farigcsálását kiszolgáló könyvek vagy az interneten lapozgathatós "lélektan", ami bármikor bárhová bárkinek beilleszthető.
Ez a könyv végtelenül tisztelettel bánik veled, mégsem arról szól, hogy az egód duzzasztja vagy a sebeidet nyalogatja és kiterápiázza neked, hogyan viselkedj ezután, hanem mindenestől lát: emberből vagy. Egy ilyen és ilyen kultúrában és világban, és talán létezik több is, amit látunk. Talán van lelked, a saját útjával.
A jungiánus pszichológia végig átlengi a könyvet, de az életfilozófiai mondanivalójában besegítenek a sokszor elmondhatatlan emberi lét paradoxonjait felvillantani képes költők is. Úgy érzem, ennek a könyvnek az elolvasása után már sokkal nehezebb lesz önsegítő könyvet válogatnom.
March 26, 2021
james hollis benim hayatıma hep doğru zamanda girmiş bir yazar, 30'larımda da öyleydi 40'larımda da öyle oluyor. bu kitabı hayatın genel bir muhasebesine itiyor bizi, nerelerde takıldık, sıkıştık, ilerledik gibi sorular yöneltiyor bize. hayatın çeşitli vechelerini hollis'le birlikte inceliyoruz, bir yandan hollis'le bir yandan kendimizle söyleşiyoruz aslında. benim tabii en çok önemsediğim bölümler 8 ve 9.bölümler oldu. çünkü bu bölümlerde kutsallığından, gizeminden koparılmış modern hayatımızdan ruhumuzun gizli gündemine -o la la!- nasıl döneceğimizle ilgili ipuçları da var. bu bölümler tasavvufla iç içe. kitapta çok sayıda mevlana göndermesi de var o da güzel. kitabın asıl önermesi şu sanırım: egonun istedikleriyle hayatını boşa harcıyorsun, zaten o yüzden mutsuzsun. bunu fark et ve sana ezelden beridir çağrıda bulunan Ruhunun peşinden git cânım efendim. zor bir yolculuk bu ama senin yapman murad edilen yolculuk başından beri buydu zaten. bir merdiveni habire çıkıyorsun ama o merdiven egonun duvarına dayanmış, oysa senin Ruhun duvarına tırmanıp sonsuz olasılıkları görmen gerekiyordu.
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