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Seek You: A Journey Through American Loneliness
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Best Graphic Novels & Comics (2021)From the acclaimed author of Imagine Wanting Only This--a timely and moving meditation on isolation and longing, both as individuals and as a society.
There is a silent epidemic in America: loneliness. Shameful to talk about and often misunderstood, loneliness is everywhere, from the most major of metropolises to the smallest of towns.
In Seek You, Kristen Radtke's wide-ranging exploration of our inner lives and public selves, Radtke digs into the ways in which we attempt to feel closer to one another, and the distance that remains. Through the lenses of gender and violence, technology and art, Radtke ushers us through a history of loneliness and longing, and shares what feels impossible to share.
Ranging from the invention of the laugh-track to the rise of Instagram, the bootstrap-pulling cowboy to the brutal experiments of Harry Harlow, Radtke investigates why we engage with each other, and what we risk when we turn away. With her distinctive, emotionally charged drawings and deeply empathetic prose, Kristen Radtke masterfully shines a light on some of our most vulnerable and sublime moments, and asks how we might keep the spaces between us from splitting entirely.
There is a silent epidemic in America: loneliness. Shameful to talk about and often misunderstood, loneliness is everywhere, from the most major of metropolises to the smallest of towns.
In Seek You, Kristen Radtke's wide-ranging exploration of our inner lives and public selves, Radtke digs into the ways in which we attempt to feel closer to one another, and the distance that remains. Through the lenses of gender and violence, technology and art, Radtke ushers us through a history of loneliness and longing, and shares what feels impossible to share.
Ranging from the invention of the laugh-track to the rise of Instagram, the bootstrap-pulling cowboy to the brutal experiments of Harry Harlow, Radtke investigates why we engage with each other, and what we risk when we turn away. With her distinctive, emotionally charged drawings and deeply empathetic prose, Kristen Radtke masterfully shines a light on some of our most vulnerable and sublime moments, and asks how we might keep the spaces between us from splitting entirely.
352 pages, Hardcover
First published July 13, 2021
About the author
Kristen Radtke
7 books244 followersKristen Radtke is a writer and illustrator based in Brooklyn. Her graphic memoir, Imagine Wanting Only This, is forthcoming from Pantheon Books in April.
She is the managing editor of Sarabande Books and the film & video editor of TriQuarterly magazine. She has an MFA from the University of Iowa's Nonfiction Writing Program.
She is the managing editor of Sarabande Books and the film & video editor of TriQuarterly magazine. She has an MFA from the University of Iowa's Nonfiction Writing Program.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,369 reviews
January 1, 2022
'I want us to use loneliness—yours, and mine—to find our way back to each other.'
Well, well, well, not me finding comfort in a book about loneliness. Kristen Radtke’s hybrid graphic-novel/long-form essay, Seek You: A Journey Through American Loneliness is a stunning visual exploration of—you guessed it: loneliness. However, Radtke manages to make it feel like a communal experience, reminding us that ‘loneliness is one of the most universal things any person can feel,’ and by addressing the topic from a variety of angles and perspectives she shows us that this disquieting emotion is as varied as the people who experience it. While this may seem an obvious nod to the pandemic lifestyles we’ve been surviving, Radtke actually began this work in 2016 noting that ‘ rates of loneliness had already been increasing exponentially for decades, yet it wasn't a subject I heard people talk about very often, at least not in relation to themselves.’ Chilling and comforting all at once, Radtke dissects a specifically American engagement with loneliness and how it has seeped through our culture over time, from urban sprawl to entertainment, political implications, social media and our notions of community, drawing on psychological studies and memoir to spotlight loneliness and our engagement with it.
‘Perhaps we see loneliness in others simply to feel less lonely ourselves.’
Honestly, who hasn’t felt lonely from time to time. Radtke points out this is a universal experience, one that often peaks at key periods of change in our lives: most notably our late twenties, mid-fifties and early eighties (this data and discussions on loneliness correlates with suicide rates by age, particularly strong in elderly folks who are also most likely to be feeling loneliness). Despite the prevalence of loneliness, there is still a stigma around talking about it. ‘A hallmark of loneliness is shame,’ she writes, ‘since childhood, there are few things more humiliating than being left out,’ and loneliness often heightens fears of rejection. She also addresses studies that show that isolation increases chances of death from almost every cause of death citing that ‘Vivek Murthy, a former Surgeon General, has said that the most prevalent health issue in America is isolation.’ Which is why it is lovely to see a book like this be so welcoming and engaging on the topic, and to remind us that we are not alone in these feelings and, perhaps, by being more open about it, we can feel less unsettled by it.
Radtke does an excellent job at addressing how loneliness figures into American culture, such as how separation became part of the formula for the 21st century American dream. ‘Suburban sprawl made way for a boom in private entertainment,’ she says, pointing towards how laugh tracks in television tried to recreate a communal experience in one enjoyed in solitude. There is an interesting discussion on how media such as cowboy films were not in keeping with the reality of ranch-hand life but fictionalized for the sake of creating some American ideal of romanticized lonely wanderers and rugged individualism. ‘The branding is reserved exclusively for men,’ she posits, with a later segment on the Hollywood brand of loneliness for women being quirky loveable characters who just haven’t found a partner yet, as if all anyone needs to cease being lonely is a mate.
‘Loneliness isn’t necessarily tied to whether you have a partner or a best friend or an aspirationally active social life. It’s a variance that rests in the space between the relationships you have and the relationships you want. Loneliness lives in the gap.’
One of the more interesting framings on loneliness comes with her discussion on mass murderers. Psychologist Don Dutton concluded after studying the blogs and diaries of mass shooters that they were fueled not by scorn but ‘a paranoia of being dismissed and rejected.’ This is a more nuanced look than the popular idea of them as simply loners, a framing Radtke asserts is one that give people comfort that ‘he is not one of us.’ Fear-mongering of Others or outsiders, she says, became an effective marketing tool for politicians, especially when combined with the aforementioned rugged individual romanticism applied to a leader (ie. Reagan) and this framing is used to fortify isolation into easily propagated psychographic groups, entrenching people into fear and distrust while giving a false sense of community exploitable for power. 'As we lose contact with one another,' she warns, 'so too do we begin to perforate ourselves from reality.' She later adds, 'if trust is the basis for the bonds we form, then its eradication can almost certainly ensure our separation.'
‘Loneliness feels to me like being underwater, fumbling against a muted world in which the sound of your own body is loud against the quiet of everything else. The simple gestures you enacted so easily on the ground become laborious, pushing against a weight no body is built to move through.’
What works best in this book is the range of topics and ideas surrounding loneliness that Radtke examines, such as effects of social media, or the many rather disturbing studies usually involving monkey’s that looked into how we socialize or isolate. The art elements really add to this work, which would likely feel a bit disjointed simply as text on a page but coalesce into this incredible visual and cerebral experience. The simple imagery complete with carefully chosen color palettes enhances the mood of loneliness, ensuring it is expressed in every aspect of this lovingly created work. While some of the topics might not be particularly new or could have been investigated in more depth (I would have liked to see more discussion on the issues of incarceration), the variety of them all amalgamate into a pretty impressive examination on the subject. This is a book that truly is greater than the sum of it’s pieces and is a worthwhile read to help understand and better engage with loneliness both internally and as it exists within the social culture at large.
4/5
Well, well, well, not me finding comfort in a book about loneliness. Kristen Radtke’s hybrid graphic-novel/long-form essay, Seek You: A Journey Through American Loneliness is a stunning visual exploration of—you guessed it: loneliness. However, Radtke manages to make it feel like a communal experience, reminding us that ‘loneliness is one of the most universal things any person can feel,’ and by addressing the topic from a variety of angles and perspectives she shows us that this disquieting emotion is as varied as the people who experience it. While this may seem an obvious nod to the pandemic lifestyles we’ve been surviving, Radtke actually began this work in 2016 noting that ‘ rates of loneliness had already been increasing exponentially for decades, yet it wasn't a subject I heard people talk about very often, at least not in relation to themselves.’ Chilling and comforting all at once, Radtke dissects a specifically American engagement with loneliness and how it has seeped through our culture over time, from urban sprawl to entertainment, political implications, social media and our notions of community, drawing on psychological studies and memoir to spotlight loneliness and our engagement with it.
‘Perhaps we see loneliness in others simply to feel less lonely ourselves.’
Honestly, who hasn’t felt lonely from time to time. Radtke points out this is a universal experience, one that often peaks at key periods of change in our lives: most notably our late twenties, mid-fifties and early eighties (this data and discussions on loneliness correlates with suicide rates by age, particularly strong in elderly folks who are also most likely to be feeling loneliness). Despite the prevalence of loneliness, there is still a stigma around talking about it. ‘A hallmark of loneliness is shame,’ she writes, ‘since childhood, there are few things more humiliating than being left out,’ and loneliness often heightens fears of rejection. She also addresses studies that show that isolation increases chances of death from almost every cause of death citing that ‘Vivek Murthy, a former Surgeon General, has said that the most prevalent health issue in America is isolation.’ Which is why it is lovely to see a book like this be so welcoming and engaging on the topic, and to remind us that we are not alone in these feelings and, perhaps, by being more open about it, we can feel less unsettled by it.
Radtke does an excellent job at addressing how loneliness figures into American culture, such as how separation became part of the formula for the 21st century American dream. ‘Suburban sprawl made way for a boom in private entertainment,’ she says, pointing towards how laugh tracks in television tried to recreate a communal experience in one enjoyed in solitude. There is an interesting discussion on how media such as cowboy films were not in keeping with the reality of ranch-hand life but fictionalized for the sake of creating some American ideal of romanticized lonely wanderers and rugged individualism. ‘The branding is reserved exclusively for men,’ she posits, with a later segment on the Hollywood brand of loneliness for women being quirky loveable characters who just haven’t found a partner yet, as if all anyone needs to cease being lonely is a mate.
‘Loneliness isn’t necessarily tied to whether you have a partner or a best friend or an aspirationally active social life. It’s a variance that rests in the space between the relationships you have and the relationships you want. Loneliness lives in the gap.’
One of the more interesting framings on loneliness comes with her discussion on mass murderers. Psychologist Don Dutton concluded after studying the blogs and diaries of mass shooters that they were fueled not by scorn but ‘a paranoia of being dismissed and rejected.’ This is a more nuanced look than the popular idea of them as simply loners, a framing Radtke asserts is one that give people comfort that ‘he is not one of us.’ Fear-mongering of Others or outsiders, she says, became an effective marketing tool for politicians, especially when combined with the aforementioned rugged individual romanticism applied to a leader (ie. Reagan) and this framing is used to fortify isolation into easily propagated psychographic groups, entrenching people into fear and distrust while giving a false sense of community exploitable for power. 'As we lose contact with one another,' she warns, 'so too do we begin to perforate ourselves from reality.' She later adds, 'if trust is the basis for the bonds we form, then its eradication can almost certainly ensure our separation.'
‘Loneliness feels to me like being underwater, fumbling against a muted world in which the sound of your own body is loud against the quiet of everything else. The simple gestures you enacted so easily on the ground become laborious, pushing against a weight no body is built to move through.’
What works best in this book is the range of topics and ideas surrounding loneliness that Radtke examines, such as effects of social media, or the many rather disturbing studies usually involving monkey’s that looked into how we socialize or isolate. The art elements really add to this work, which would likely feel a bit disjointed simply as text on a page but coalesce into this incredible visual and cerebral experience. The simple imagery complete with carefully chosen color palettes enhances the mood of loneliness, ensuring it is expressed in every aspect of this lovingly created work. While some of the topics might not be particularly new or could have been investigated in more depth (I would have liked to see more discussion on the issues of incarceration), the variety of them all amalgamate into a pretty impressive examination on the subject. This is a book that truly is greater than the sum of it’s pieces and is a worthwhile read to help understand and better engage with loneliness both internally and as it exists within the social culture at large.
4/5
August 9, 2021
Loneliness might be one abstract level down from the ultimate concern of literature (death), but sometimes it hurts far more than a reminder of our mortality. I had a lot of trouble with this book, because I could not help but place myself at the centre of every hypothetical, thinking about my childhood, my present, my future, my parents, my friends, etc. I broke down when Radtke was describing The Silver Line – a 24-hour helpline for the elderly. Around 2:00 AM, someone may call in, as he/she is having trouble sleeping. 2:30 AM, and someone else calls in, missing his brother. At 4:00 AM, someone calls in saying that she cannot stand the quiet anymore. Standard stuff, but I’ll be damned if I could make it through the sweet old man who called in the day before Christmas, asking how to cook a chicken. Sophie answered the phone. Instructions followed: “A gas stove? Preheat to 170 degrees. Season the cavity with salt and pepper. Tuck the legs under. Do you have a meat thermometer?” All of this went on for 25 minutes before he admitted that he had never cooked a chicken before (the obvious part), and that it was his first Christmas since his wife had died, and so he had thought it best to learn. My parents will get there, and I will get there. That’s what hurts when I read the book. It hurts really deep, and I cannot stop reading the book.
If you ever took a Psychology 101 course, you learned about “Harlow’s Monkeys”. If not, here is a brief primer. Harry Harlow, a researcher at the University of Wisconsin, converted an unused space on campus into a primate lab in order to breed his own monkeys for experiments. In what has become a landmark study for the field of affection, Harlow and his team separated baby rhesus monkeys (the cutest little things) from their mothers at birth, placing them in cages where they were isolated, totally solo, save two things: a doll-like “wire mother” and a doll-like “cloth mother”. Both were heated, but only the wire mother dispensed milk. Here was the question: would the babies clutch their “mothers” when they wanted food? Well, if so, then the wire mother would logically be the most popular. What Harlow and his team found in this study (that would rightfully not be allowed to take place with the ethics boards of 2021) was that the babies spent almost 100% of their time with the cloth mothers, clutching tightly, attempting to squeeze out drops of intimacy, warmth, and touch. If they were hungry, they would strain their little bodies to the wire mother for some milk. Failing this, they would reluctantly jump over to the wire mother, quickly guzzling down milk before jumping back to their safe haven. The cloth mothers were the source of cuddles; they were the protector when the babies were scared. The babies would gaze into the face of the cloth mother and stroke its face. Fuck. The pictures from the actual study are too heart-wrenching for me to include here, so I will instead include a panel from Seek You itself – a telling and daunting image:
We may not have needed the results of this study to know that touch and connection are important, but I have a feeling that it was a turning point like no other – as much I dislike it and Harlow. He himself was not the god of love and affection by any means. His obsessive work rate destroyed two marriages. His kids were afterthoughts. Kristen Radtke did me a favour by showing me the often unmentioned subsequent experiments done by Harlow, after a stint of hospitalization and therapy for depression: his studies on loneliness, where he would isolate monkeys by themselves, sometimes for periods of up to a year. These monkeys would starve themselves to death, or faint when touched. Loneliness, folks. It’s that pernicious.
This is a wildly depressing book, a perfect meditation on what we may feel is an accelerating epidemic. Isolation is here to stay, and it’s perhaps worse than ever. I don’t want to recommend this book, but unfortunately feel as though I have to. I would never gift this book, but I would want everyone to purchase his/her own copy. Radtke is brilliant in acutely diagnosing the feeling in the air of the Western world. Some parts are undeniably American, in a way that no non-American can relate to. Apart from that? Sad nods. Knowing nods.
If you ever took a Psychology 101 course, you learned about “Harlow’s Monkeys”. If not, here is a brief primer. Harry Harlow, a researcher at the University of Wisconsin, converted an unused space on campus into a primate lab in order to breed his own monkeys for experiments. In what has become a landmark study for the field of affection, Harlow and his team separated baby rhesus monkeys (the cutest little things) from their mothers at birth, placing them in cages where they were isolated, totally solo, save two things: a doll-like “wire mother” and a doll-like “cloth mother”. Both were heated, but only the wire mother dispensed milk. Here was the question: would the babies clutch their “mothers” when they wanted food? Well, if so, then the wire mother would logically be the most popular. What Harlow and his team found in this study (that would rightfully not be allowed to take place with the ethics boards of 2021) was that the babies spent almost 100% of their time with the cloth mothers, clutching tightly, attempting to squeeze out drops of intimacy, warmth, and touch. If they were hungry, they would strain their little bodies to the wire mother for some milk. Failing this, they would reluctantly jump over to the wire mother, quickly guzzling down milk before jumping back to their safe haven. The cloth mothers were the source of cuddles; they were the protector when the babies were scared. The babies would gaze into the face of the cloth mother and stroke its face. Fuck. The pictures from the actual study are too heart-wrenching for me to include here, so I will instead include a panel from Seek You itself – a telling and daunting image:
We may not have needed the results of this study to know that touch and connection are important, but I have a feeling that it was a turning point like no other – as much I dislike it and Harlow. He himself was not the god of love and affection by any means. His obsessive work rate destroyed two marriages. His kids were afterthoughts. Kristen Radtke did me a favour by showing me the often unmentioned subsequent experiments done by Harlow, after a stint of hospitalization and therapy for depression: his studies on loneliness, where he would isolate monkeys by themselves, sometimes for periods of up to a year. These monkeys would starve themselves to death, or faint when touched. Loneliness, folks. It’s that pernicious.
This is a wildly depressing book, a perfect meditation on what we may feel is an accelerating epidemic. Isolation is here to stay, and it’s perhaps worse than ever. I don’t want to recommend this book, but unfortunately feel as though I have to. I would never gift this book, but I would want everyone to purchase his/her own copy. Radtke is brilliant in acutely diagnosing the feeling in the air of the Western world. Some parts are undeniably American, in a way that no non-American can relate to. Apart from that? Sad nods. Knowing nods.
July 16, 2021
This is a wow of a book. The melding of art, history, narrative, memoir, culture, psychology into a book that is emotionally evocative without being slow, dense, or predictable. It’s such an accomplishment. It made me think and reflect and feel seen. It made me want to be a better person in my relationships. It made me reevaluate my understanding of loneliness. It’s just a wow.
January 20, 2022
3.5 stars
I have mixed feelings on this one. I think this is the first time I’ve ever read a graphic novel that is a nonfiction book, which I love! I think that’s such a cool concept. I also think some passages in this book were so thought provoking and made for really interesting conversation. It’s interesting to learn about how loneliness can affect us as human beings, especially in this digital age where we compare our lives to everyone else in the internet. I also love the color scheme in this and how different sections of the book had different color palettes. Some parts of the book were really boring though and felt unnecessary, some parts I found myself skimming through, but for the most part I thought this was was really interesting! And I’d love to read more nonfiction told through a graphic novel format like this, I think it makes the reading experience so different and engaging! 😍
I have mixed feelings on this one. I think this is the first time I’ve ever read a graphic novel that is a nonfiction book, which I love! I think that’s such a cool concept. I also think some passages in this book were so thought provoking and made for really interesting conversation. It’s interesting to learn about how loneliness can affect us as human beings, especially in this digital age where we compare our lives to everyone else in the internet. I also love the color scheme in this and how different sections of the book had different color palettes. Some parts of the book were really boring though and felt unnecessary, some parts I found myself skimming through, but for the most part I thought this was was really interesting! And I’d love to read more nonfiction told through a graphic novel format like this, I think it makes the reading experience so different and engaging! 😍
July 31, 2021
Library Overdrive ...Audiobook ...read by the author, Kristen Radtke --
1 hour and 58 minutes
If I wasn't in such a hurry these days --haha -- I'd enjoy taking more time to write a more thoughtful review - -
so I need to get to the point -guick here --
I listened to this entire audio on 'one' neighborhood walk -- (this morning)
This is a graphic novel (I'd love to see the artwork-physical book) --but the 'audio' - the WORDS --I listened to, were powerful --and worth the 'entire' book --AS IS ....IN MY OPINION!!
Funny --because I still remember Kristen Radtke's first graphic-book -- "Imagine Wanting Only This"... (sorry I never reviewed it) >> but what I loved about 'that' book most, was the black and white graphics -- (I cheated and read it 'in' the book store) -- so I forgot to review it later -at home --
but --I remember loving the 'artwork' MORE than the words --
This time -- I can't imagine liking the 'artwork' MORE than the 'words'.
I hope I'm making sense -- I'm typing faster than the speed of light --as I have things I must do --but wanted to get thoughts down --before I forget.
#1 --most important message from me >> I REALLY THINK its worth readers time to listen to this book.... (goes by fast -and Kristen has a lovely voice to be with --take a walk 'with' this audiobook. Its good company!
#2, #3, #4 ....and so on........
Things to think about while listening to this book:
....loneliness -- you, me, your neighbor, your mother, sister, brother, grandparents, teachers, the garbage guy, the car salesman, your doctor, dentist, vet, author-friend, the grocery clerk, strangers. --etc. etc.
There are a lot of treasures in this less-than-2-hour-listen.
The little 'words-of-isolation'... [the silent epidemic]... in America ...but 'shameful' to talk about -- is not only often misunderstood, and everywhere, but its a topic worth exploring....
Kristen (who is only in her 30's herself) --did an outstanding job covering a range of topic/ themes/ --all relating to loneliness -- (our public lives, history, science, (my goodness -those Monkey's) -- social choices, the internet, ...all the many things such as phones, Televisions, Radio, iPhones, etc. that can be used to escape from ourselves. (I guess books, too) >>haha! but yes!
She talked about waves of social nostalgia… Thoughts of going back to the land or living off the grid beginning to sound appealing. --but ALL generations have had levels of loneliness --
But....
we didn't always have the news available to us 24 hours a day, and we didn't always spend our time writing emails, or texting, or comments, to far away people.
I found this book both interesting, comforting, sad, (not in tears sad) --but you know --"kinda sad">>> that we don't help our neighbors carry in groceries anymore. (nobody needs to --we have Whole Food deliveries) >> ha --I don't --but...I could....
That few of us gather to play card, games, sit around and eat candy, eat cheese, drink 'beer'? (yuck) --lol --
REALLY HANG OUT together --laugh - be silly -HUG each other --Talk -dance -- garden or cook a meal with a friend -or maybe a few friends --
Have little party- gatherings -
Yes...we had the pandemic --(didn't help with isolation AT ALL) -- but we had isolation problems even before the pandemic --(the pandemic just made it all the more clear)....
I laughed when the author wrote (she was speaking sarcastically with other thoughts she expand on) --but she said...ha ha....
"Loneliness can be worked out a little like extra body fat"....
True? (I don't think so) >> just because people sign up for a class, take a train trip, go to a party -doesn't mean, that loneliness-baby-fat-rolls off.
Loneliness is a state of mind that is often equated with being alone. But we already know that loneliness and being alone are not the same. (we didn't need this book to tell us THAT) ....
but...
Nonetheless this book was very empowering. Well researched too.
Kristen talks about TOUCH ....(its an excellent section) -- makes you want to reach out and touch someone!
haha...(hell, I'm cracking myself up today) ...
Forgive me --
Ever consider going to a cuddle party? I know a woman -here in town who runs 'Cuddle Parties" --VERY SUCCESSFULLY -- its a lucrative business for her (well, before the pandemic) --
I kinda cringe myself at the thought of having some stranger hug-me- or me them-....in a 'cuddle-group' -- *party*...
not my thing ....but.....there are such things -- (non-sexual) --
Heck --I'd rather go with the sexual --
Oh I'm dying here-- I can't stop laughing--
I know I'm being really bad --
but I just can't imagine sitting around cuddling a group of people that I don't know -or even do know.
I'm not afraid of hugs, happy to give semi-strangers a hug -'naturally' if it feels right ....I just don't want to be at a hugging-expectation-party....
Shhh...don't tell my local friend, Yvonne --She is a beautiful married woman --who hosts her cuddle parties (yes, I was invited) --I decline nicely saying Paul was enough -and I am thankful for his touch -- but ....
I understand -we all need touch -- ABSOLUTELY!
ok..................I'll stop --LISTEN to the AUDIO --the author does a MUCH better job -- making touching -gatherings sound more sane..than anything I can do. I can't stop laughing here!
I've already written too much --just a rambling chatterbox here -- (and I'm rushing to boot)
#10+ or .... #879 list of reasons to listen to this book........ Its GOOD!!!
Goes down easily!
Forgive my mess!
HUGS!!! (non-party-style)
1 hour and 58 minutes
If I wasn't in such a hurry these days --haha -- I'd enjoy taking more time to write a more thoughtful review - -
so I need to get to the point -guick here --
I listened to this entire audio on 'one' neighborhood walk -- (this morning)
This is a graphic novel (I'd love to see the artwork-physical book) --but the 'audio' - the WORDS --I listened to, were powerful --and worth the 'entire' book --AS IS ....IN MY OPINION!!
Funny --because I still remember Kristen Radtke's first graphic-book -- "Imagine Wanting Only This"... (sorry I never reviewed it) >> but what I loved about 'that' book most, was the black and white graphics -- (I cheated and read it 'in' the book store) -- so I forgot to review it later -at home --
but --I remember loving the 'artwork' MORE than the words --
This time -- I can't imagine liking the 'artwork' MORE than the 'words'.
I hope I'm making sense -- I'm typing faster than the speed of light --as I have things I must do --but wanted to get thoughts down --before I forget.
#1 --most important message from me >> I REALLY THINK its worth readers time to listen to this book.... (goes by fast -and Kristen has a lovely voice to be with --take a walk 'with' this audiobook. Its good company!
#2, #3, #4 ....and so on........
Things to think about while listening to this book:
....loneliness -- you, me, your neighbor, your mother, sister, brother, grandparents, teachers, the garbage guy, the car salesman, your doctor, dentist, vet, author-friend, the grocery clerk, strangers. --etc. etc.
There are a lot of treasures in this less-than-2-hour-listen.
The little 'words-of-isolation'... [the silent epidemic]... in America ...but 'shameful' to talk about -- is not only often misunderstood, and everywhere, but its a topic worth exploring....
Kristen (who is only in her 30's herself) --did an outstanding job covering a range of topic/ themes/ --all relating to loneliness -- (our public lives, history, science, (my goodness -those Monkey's) -- social choices, the internet, ...all the many things such as phones, Televisions, Radio, iPhones, etc. that can be used to escape from ourselves. (I guess books, too) >>haha! but yes!
She talked about waves of social nostalgia… Thoughts of going back to the land or living off the grid beginning to sound appealing. --but ALL generations have had levels of loneliness --
But....
we didn't always have the news available to us 24 hours a day, and we didn't always spend our time writing emails, or texting, or comments, to far away people.
I found this book both interesting, comforting, sad, (not in tears sad) --but you know --"kinda sad">>> that we don't help our neighbors carry in groceries anymore. (nobody needs to --we have Whole Food deliveries) >> ha --I don't --but...I could....
That few of us gather to play card, games, sit around and eat candy, eat cheese, drink 'beer'? (yuck) --lol --
REALLY HANG OUT together --laugh - be silly -HUG each other --Talk -dance -- garden or cook a meal with a friend -or maybe a few friends --
Have little party- gatherings -
Yes...we had the pandemic --(didn't help with isolation AT ALL) -- but we had isolation problems even before the pandemic --(the pandemic just made it all the more clear)....
I laughed when the author wrote (she was speaking sarcastically with other thoughts she expand on) --but she said...ha ha....
"Loneliness can be worked out a little like extra body fat"....
True? (I don't think so) >> just because people sign up for a class, take a train trip, go to a party -doesn't mean, that loneliness-baby-fat-rolls off.
Loneliness is a state of mind that is often equated with being alone. But we already know that loneliness and being alone are not the same. (we didn't need this book to tell us THAT) ....
but...
Nonetheless this book was very empowering. Well researched too.
Kristen talks about TOUCH ....(its an excellent section) -- makes you want to reach out and touch someone!
haha...(hell, I'm cracking myself up today) ...
Forgive me --
Ever consider going to a cuddle party? I know a woman -here in town who runs 'Cuddle Parties" --VERY SUCCESSFULLY -- its a lucrative business for her (well, before the pandemic) --
I kinda cringe myself at the thought of having some stranger hug-me- or me them-....in a 'cuddle-group' -- *party*...
not my thing ....but.....there are such things -- (non-sexual) --
Heck --I'd rather go with the sexual --
Oh I'm dying here-- I can't stop laughing--
I know I'm being really bad --
but I just can't imagine sitting around cuddling a group of people that I don't know -or even do know.
I'm not afraid of hugs, happy to give semi-strangers a hug -'naturally' if it feels right ....I just don't want to be at a hugging-expectation-party....
Shhh...don't tell my local friend, Yvonne --She is a beautiful married woman --who hosts her cuddle parties (yes, I was invited) --I decline nicely saying Paul was enough -and I am thankful for his touch -- but ....
I understand -we all need touch -- ABSOLUTELY!
ok..................I'll stop --LISTEN to the AUDIO --the author does a MUCH better job -- making touching -gatherings sound more sane..than anything I can do. I can't stop laughing here!
I've already written too much --just a rambling chatterbox here -- (and I'm rushing to boot)
#10+ or .... #879 list of reasons to listen to this book........ Its GOOD!!!
Goes down easily!
Forgive my mess!
HUGS!!! (non-party-style)
December 14, 2021
Kristen Radtke takes a broad look at the subject of loneliness and also specifically how it relates to America in Seek You, in an effort to understand why there’s an epidemic of loneliness today, how we got here, and what can be done about it. Or are humans just naturally lonely creatures…?
It’s an interesting subject to make a comic about - in theory anyway, because in practice, or at least in Radtke’s hands, it’s not very compelling to read about.
There’s a lot of unengaging repetition here. Her dad was into ham radio when he was a kid, she was into chat rooms when she was a kid, and there are pages and pages of talking heads telling you their stories of loneliness, all of which just tell you that these people were lonely. It doesn’t really add anything except emphasise the same point over and over.
Some sections are equally dull like the invention of canned laughter and how it came to be used in sitcoms. Radtke’s point? Canned laughter can make you less lonely. How banal. Ditto the pages telling you that loneliness is bad for your health. Unless you’ve read absolutely nothing on the subject, this information isn’t going to knock your socks off (and is kind of obvious even if you didn’t know it before).
And then she makes a lot of presumptions. Like how the myth of the American cowboy and modern TV characters, all of whom promote self-sufficient “real men” who get on with things without needing anyone else, as examples of why men are so isolated in America today. Uh… maybe? Or perhaps some men simply are that way rather than because they want to be Don Draper et al.
She makes more tenuous points by then going on to say that loneliness can cause us to lose sense of what’s real and that’s why we have today’s climate of distrust and fear. It might be a contributing factor but I think the actual answer is more complex than this.
Other things she presents leave the reader confused as to what we’re meant to take away from it. Mass shooters tend to be paranoid, as a result of loneliness, she says - except for the Vegas shooter, who wasn’t. Social media is making us more alone - except for the people who feel it makes their lives more real. Not that I expected her to “solve” the issue of prevalent loneliness in society, but her suggestion of doing an equivalent of Casey Kasem’s long distance dedications would seem to hinge on social media’s involvement as I don’t know anyone who listens to radio anymore. Unless humans are generally lonely creatures and nothing can change this.
So is loneliness the reason for mass shootings or not? Does social media make us more lonely or not? Should we be using social media to alleviate loneliness or abandon it? Is there no cure for something possibly rooted within our DNA? Radtke’s presentation of these things left me unsure as to what point exactly she was trying to make (if any).
The section on Harry Harlow, a scientist studying love and isolation starting in the 1950s, was fascinating in a morbid way. The rhesus monkey experiments were both monstrous and enlightening, and Harlow himself was an intriguing, if loathsome, figure.
For the most part though, I was generally unimpressed and often bored with Kristen Radtke’s Seek You. I felt like, when she wasn’t relating bland autobiographical anecdotes or dreary pieces of history, she was either just throwing out facts on the subject without connection or else contradicting them, or drawing unconvincing conclusions. The effect is very muddled and this book made me none the wiser on the subject of loneliness - a superficial and underwhelming book.
It’s an interesting subject to make a comic about - in theory anyway, because in practice, or at least in Radtke’s hands, it’s not very compelling to read about.
There’s a lot of unengaging repetition here. Her dad was into ham radio when he was a kid, she was into chat rooms when she was a kid, and there are pages and pages of talking heads telling you their stories of loneliness, all of which just tell you that these people were lonely. It doesn’t really add anything except emphasise the same point over and over.
Some sections are equally dull like the invention of canned laughter and how it came to be used in sitcoms. Radtke’s point? Canned laughter can make you less lonely. How banal. Ditto the pages telling you that loneliness is bad for your health. Unless you’ve read absolutely nothing on the subject, this information isn’t going to knock your socks off (and is kind of obvious even if you didn’t know it before).
And then she makes a lot of presumptions. Like how the myth of the American cowboy and modern TV characters, all of whom promote self-sufficient “real men” who get on with things without needing anyone else, as examples of why men are so isolated in America today. Uh… maybe? Or perhaps some men simply are that way rather than because they want to be Don Draper et al.
She makes more tenuous points by then going on to say that loneliness can cause us to lose sense of what’s real and that’s why we have today’s climate of distrust and fear. It might be a contributing factor but I think the actual answer is more complex than this.
Other things she presents leave the reader confused as to what we’re meant to take away from it. Mass shooters tend to be paranoid, as a result of loneliness, she says - except for the Vegas shooter, who wasn’t. Social media is making us more alone - except for the people who feel it makes their lives more real. Not that I expected her to “solve” the issue of prevalent loneliness in society, but her suggestion of doing an equivalent of Casey Kasem’s long distance dedications would seem to hinge on social media’s involvement as I don’t know anyone who listens to radio anymore. Unless humans are generally lonely creatures and nothing can change this.
So is loneliness the reason for mass shootings or not? Does social media make us more lonely or not? Should we be using social media to alleviate loneliness or abandon it? Is there no cure for something possibly rooted within our DNA? Radtke’s presentation of these things left me unsure as to what point exactly she was trying to make (if any).
The section on Harry Harlow, a scientist studying love and isolation starting in the 1950s, was fascinating in a morbid way. The rhesus monkey experiments were both monstrous and enlightening, and Harlow himself was an intriguing, if loathsome, figure.
For the most part though, I was generally unimpressed and often bored with Kristen Radtke’s Seek You. I felt like, when she wasn’t relating bland autobiographical anecdotes or dreary pieces of history, she was either just throwing out facts on the subject without connection or else contradicting them, or drawing unconvincing conclusions. The effect is very muddled and this book made me none the wiser on the subject of loneliness - a superficial and underwhelming book.
March 16, 2021
Insightful, depressing, inspiring.
November 2, 2021
whew. so much ground is covered within these pages, and the art does a beautiful job of evoking its subject: loneliness. i love the melancholy imagery, and how the muted color palettes that shift from section to section.
just a few of the areas radtke touches on are: the uniquely american isolation of the lone cowboy; the suffering of experimentation monkeys who are separated from their peers; how our cultural emphasis on independence can result in isolation; the affect of technology and social media (and how we can construct less-lonely representations of ourselves); the "cuddle industry" and importance of physical touch; media representations of those who are destined to remain loners; loneliness hotlines that give callers someone to talk to for a while; the physical health repercussions of long-term loneliness; the weight of the idea that maybe humans have always been lonely creatures.
it hits pretty close to home for me right now 🥲 and is all very sad and educational (though less hopeful than i expected). radtke blends personal experiences and anecdotes with research and facts, and it's effective: feel sadness and loneliness while learning about the psychological and sociological components of these emotions!! it's a win-win!
just a few of the areas radtke touches on are: the uniquely american isolation of the lone cowboy; the suffering of experimentation monkeys who are separated from their peers; how our cultural emphasis on independence can result in isolation; the affect of technology and social media (and how we can construct less-lonely representations of ourselves); the "cuddle industry" and importance of physical touch; media representations of those who are destined to remain loners; loneliness hotlines that give callers someone to talk to for a while; the physical health repercussions of long-term loneliness; the weight of the idea that maybe humans have always been lonely creatures.
it hits pretty close to home for me right now 🥲 and is all very sad and educational (though less hopeful than i expected). radtke blends personal experiences and anecdotes with research and facts, and it's effective: feel sadness and loneliness while learning about the psychological and sociological components of these emotions!! it's a win-win!
October 23, 2021
I had trepidations about reading this book since I disliked Kristen Radtke's last book, Imagine Wanting Only This, so much. Also, the topic wasn't of much interest, as I’ve not been bothered by loneliness in a long while thanks to my wife and daughter. And as the quantity of books I read and review on Goodreads demonstrates, I don’t have a problem with being alone for long periods of time. But, hey, I need fodder for my reading mill, so here we go . . .
The subtitle says this is a journey, but it's more like we keep circling the block and ending up back at the author's place. After going round and round and occasionally taking a digressive loop around the next block over, Radtke doesn’t really have much of a conclusion or solution to offer regarding loneliness. Unless she was implying we should buy potential mass murderers, incels, and Trumpists lifetime memberships in cuddle clubs. Could we start a fundraiser for that?
Bottom line, I was bored and spent too much time thinking about how she only has one way to draw eyebrows and maybe four ways to draw people.
The subtitle says this is a journey, but it's more like we keep circling the block and ending up back at the author's place. After going round and round and occasionally taking a digressive loop around the next block over, Radtke doesn’t really have much of a conclusion or solution to offer regarding loneliness. Unless she was implying we should buy potential mass murderers, incels, and Trumpists lifetime memberships in cuddle clubs. Could we start a fundraiser for that?
Bottom line, I was bored and spent too much time thinking about how she only has one way to draw eyebrows and maybe four ways to draw people.
June 29, 2022
This book is really interesting. The way the author/illustrator put it together is unique. It’s a beautiful book and the illustrator and book designer use color in a way I found fascinating and absorbing, in both the illustrations and images and on blank pages too. Not too many colors or hues are used but on each page and in each section they’re used in a stunning manner. I found the illustration style odd but pleasant. The print on several of the pages was so tiny I had to assume readers were not meant to really read it. I tried to read it though.
The author gives autobiographical information, biographical information about others, information about and results & quotes from various studies about loneliness and related topics, lists books and other sources, all within the book proper. Many of the images combine illustration/images and pertinent text on many of the pages.
For me there was a melancholy feel to the narrative, apropos for the subject of loneliness.
I enjoyed reading snippets of information I don’t remember ever knowing about the lives of some of the psychology researchers whose work I studied when I was in college. I wish I’d known even more back then about how mentally unhealthy some of them were. I supposed I should have realized that in most cases, even without knowing details about their personal lives.
One finding I hadn’t considered and found interesting is how loneliness is contagious. I’ve known that anxiety could be contagious but I never thought of loneliness as contagious and that it was through more than just the people actually relating with one another, that people never near the lonely person can be affected by someone who has been. A lot of the accounts in this book are a criticism of modern American society. I found that particularly true in the section on old age and loneliness but it was true of the entire book, even though it was made clear that individuals can and do experience feelings of loneliness even when they’re not alone, are married, and are engaged with the world.
In a way this book has depth and it has substance, but in terms of volume of substance there isn’t that much. Without the graphic content this could be a couple of short essays or maybe an article/paper. The six pages of notes at the end were interesting.
This is not a book to read as an audio book! The images cannot be separated from the text and the text on its own would not have the same power. I don’t think there should be an audio edition of this book.
I’m glad that I read this book and I have another book by this author/illustrator on my to read list that I also want to read.
The author gives autobiographical information, biographical information about others, information about and results & quotes from various studies about loneliness and related topics, lists books and other sources, all within the book proper. Many of the images combine illustration/images and pertinent text on many of the pages.
For me there was a melancholy feel to the narrative, apropos for the subject of loneliness.
I enjoyed reading snippets of information I don’t remember ever knowing about the lives of some of the psychology researchers whose work I studied when I was in college. I wish I’d known even more back then about how mentally unhealthy some of them were. I supposed I should have realized that in most cases, even without knowing details about their personal lives.
One finding I hadn’t considered and found interesting is how loneliness is contagious. I’ve known that anxiety could be contagious but I never thought of loneliness as contagious and that it was through more than just the people actually relating with one another, that people never near the lonely person can be affected by someone who has been. A lot of the accounts in this book are a criticism of modern American society. I found that particularly true in the section on old age and loneliness but it was true of the entire book, even though it was made clear that individuals can and do experience feelings of loneliness even when they’re not alone, are married, and are engaged with the world.
In a way this book has depth and it has substance, but in terms of volume of substance there isn’t that much. Without the graphic content this could be a couple of short essays or maybe an article/paper. The six pages of notes at the end were interesting.
This is not a book to read as an audio book! The images cannot be separated from the text and the text on its own would not have the same power. I don’t think there should be an audio edition of this book.
I’m glad that I read this book and I have another book by this author/illustrator on my to read list that I also want to read.
January 30, 2022
"Loneliness is one of the most universal things a person can feel" It's become all the more clear as this graphic novel drops in the midst of a pandemic that has seen folks physically isolated from one another. But Radtke argues that loneliness isn't just "tied to having a partner or best friend - it is the gap between the relationships you have and the relationships you want."
And the stakes are incredibly high. Across 70 studies examining over 3 million subjects, what becomes clear is that isolation kills. Those experiencing feelings of loneliness were more likely to be dead by the time the studies were over. Radtke also cites political philosopher Hannah Arendt who notes that loneliness is the common ground for terror. When we lose contact with one another, so too do we begin to perforate ourselves from reality. The feelings of being alone can morph into the more antagonistic "everyone is against me". This can lead to defensiveness and an inability to try and connect meaningfully with others, evolving into extremism, partisan rhetoric and even violence.
Radtke is happy to explore this idea of loneliness into whatever nooks and crannies her research takes her. From the advent of the laugh track and it's triggering of the premotor cortex releasing endorphins and maybe unconsciously "coaxing a solitary viewer into a sense that she isn't, in fact, alone." To our culture's fixation on bootstrap ideologies and the stoic loner staring off into the middle distance, the gritty cowboy riding into town alone. And the pioneering, and massively problematic not to mention wildly unethical studies of Harry Harlow who nonetheless changed our understanding of affection and "quite literally proclaimed the power of love."
It's an intimate journey, beautifully rendered.
And the stakes are incredibly high. Across 70 studies examining over 3 million subjects, what becomes clear is that isolation kills. Those experiencing feelings of loneliness were more likely to be dead by the time the studies were over. Radtke also cites political philosopher Hannah Arendt who notes that loneliness is the common ground for terror. When we lose contact with one another, so too do we begin to perforate ourselves from reality. The feelings of being alone can morph into the more antagonistic "everyone is against me". This can lead to defensiveness and an inability to try and connect meaningfully with others, evolving into extremism, partisan rhetoric and even violence.
Radtke is happy to explore this idea of loneliness into whatever nooks and crannies her research takes her. From the advent of the laugh track and it's triggering of the premotor cortex releasing endorphins and maybe unconsciously "coaxing a solitary viewer into a sense that she isn't, in fact, alone." To our culture's fixation on bootstrap ideologies and the stoic loner staring off into the middle distance, the gritty cowboy riding into town alone. And the pioneering, and massively problematic not to mention wildly unethical studies of Harry Harlow who nonetheless changed our understanding of affection and "quite literally proclaimed the power of love."
It's an intimate journey, beautifully rendered.
August 31, 2021
This grim study of loneliness wounds the psyche, and offers no break in the clouds. The subdued twilight color palette of blue-grays, dusty browns, hazy oranges hushes the atmosphere. A sense of eerie alienation resounds.
Seek You is part listless memoir, part fervent reporting of gloomy research both fact and factoid; including a relentless, horrifying downward spiral into sadistic animal research (torture).
Radtke is perceptive, and I see some truths here. But her world view is resolutely pessimistic. Between the lines is an unnecessarily harsh judgment and mistrust of others. If deep loneliness is contagious, like Radtke says, this book is spreading it.
The cover illustration is gorgeous and evocative. The title is lovely, but no, I did not like this book.
Seek You is part listless memoir, part fervent reporting of gloomy research both fact and factoid; including a relentless, horrifying downward spiral into sadistic animal research (torture).
Radtke is perceptive, and I see some truths here. But her world view is resolutely pessimistic. Between the lines is an unnecessarily harsh judgment and mistrust of others. If deep loneliness is contagious, like Radtke says, this book is spreading it.
The cover illustration is gorgeous and evocative. The title is lovely, but no, I did not like this book.
August 8, 2021
Oof. I really thought I would like this a lot more. Near the beginning I thought it would be five stars.
Exploring loneliness was the center of the book of course, but for me it was trying to merge waaay too many other things together at once and didn't always transition between them well. Vegas, city life, psychology, attachment theory, personal anecdotes, internet culture, aging, etc. All of these things can definitely relate back to loneliness but it just felt like a info dump at times and just felt very tedious. The voice of the writing was also a bit dry and scientific, which didn't engage me. Discussing something as emotional as loneliness should have felt a bit more personal and less clinical. I ended up skimming at times.
That said, I did find some of it really insightful and interesting. There are many reviewers who rated it higher than me, so I would definitely say it's still worth checking out.
Exploring loneliness was the center of the book of course, but for me it was trying to merge waaay too many other things together at once and didn't always transition between them well. Vegas, city life, psychology, attachment theory, personal anecdotes, internet culture, aging, etc. All of these things can definitely relate back to loneliness but it just felt like a info dump at times and just felt very tedious. The voice of the writing was also a bit dry and scientific, which didn't engage me. Discussing something as emotional as loneliness should have felt a bit more personal and less clinical. I ended up skimming at times.
That said, I did find some of it really insightful and interesting. There are many reviewers who rated it higher than me, so I would definitely say it's still worth checking out.
September 5, 2021
In the first pages of Seek You: A Journey Through American Loneliness, Kristen Radtke’s sophomore work, she explains that radio operators call out across frequencies with what is known as a “CQ call,” named as such because “CQ” sounds like the first syllable of sécurité, or “pay attention,” in French. In English, radio users took to calling it “seek you.” In this graphic work of nonfiction, Kristen Radtke explores this concept of reaching outward, turning the CQ call into a metaphorical representation of 21st century American existence.
With a muted palette of mostly blues, greens and oranges, Radtke illustrates a series of graphic essays, each devoted to a different sociological study or phenomenon or observation on loneliness.
You can read my full review HERE on BookBrowse and you can read a piece I wrote about graphic works of nonfiction HERE.
With a muted palette of mostly blues, greens and oranges, Radtke illustrates a series of graphic essays, each devoted to a different sociological study or phenomenon or observation on loneliness.
You can read my full review HERE on BookBrowse and you can read a piece I wrote about graphic works of nonfiction HERE.
November 25, 2022
3.5 Stars - Lots of good things to mull on in this, though I'm not sure it has a cohesive thesis in the way I expected it might
October 31, 2021
What started out as a gorgeous premise turned into the misinterpretation of several scientific findings, the use of pseudo-psychologists’ statements without data (Jean Twenge, I’m looking at you), and a total “miss” as far as the definition of loneliness. Loneliness isn’t BEING physically alone, it’s a person’s perception or FEELING alone regardless of who or how much interpersonal contact they might have or how deep and meaningful relationships are. The pictures were nice, though.
August 17, 2021
Welp. This book just irked me. Something felt a little off and shallow about it. The author came across as lacking any capacity for empathy and just kind of self absorbed. Finished it. Read the author bio at the end and was like ohhhh, it's the lady who's claim to fame was stealing a man's memorial and then cashing in on it by writing a book about it. At least it was a library book and not a purchase.
Tl:dr Privileged white woman feels lonely between bouts of feeling superior to others coping with their loneliness.
Tl:dr Privileged white woman feels lonely between bouts of feeling superior to others coping with their loneliness.
February 7, 2022
This graphic nonfiction book takes the subject of loneliness and explores it from many angles, and then it is illustrated too with art that suits the mood. I was intrigued by the laugh track discussion, impressed by the discussion of loneliness and terror, and horrified by the reasons we know what we know about attachment.
I think it is the author who defines loneliness as the gap between where you are and where you want to be, or who you want to be with, and she talks about how that can be even more magnified in big cities, as a new spouse or new parent, and why rapid change and loneliness go hand in hand.
I think it is the author who defines loneliness as the gap between where you are and where you want to be, or who you want to be with, and she talks about how that can be even more magnified in big cities, as a new spouse or new parent, and why rapid change and loneliness go hand in hand.
August 17, 2021
Honestly, this book is not something I would normally pick up; however, I was intrigued by the idea of a nonfiction graphic novel. The book was very interesting and presented a lot of different research on loneliness and how it can impact a person's life. Especially in the wake of a long quarantine where people were experiencing more loneliness and isolation from groups that they normally interacted with I wanted to learn more about the topic and decided to read this book. It was set to be a 3 or 4 star read until I read the line "This was the era, after all, in which BF Skinner raised in daughter for over two years in a box" (p.266). This line is a gross oversimplification and false statement.
As someone who majored in behavior sciences for both my undergraduate and graduate degree, at first I was surprised that I had never heard of BF Skinner raising his daughter in a box, so I did some research. It appears that what the author was talking about was BF Skinner's Air Crib. The air crib was a climate controlled crib similar to an incubator that we see at today's hospitals. Skinners hope was that by using a climate controlled environment, parents would have less laundry to do and the child's movements wouldn't have to be restricted by being wrapped in blankets or extra layers of clothing (https://www.psychologicalscience.org/...). Deborah (Skinner's daughter) has even been interviewed on the use of the box. She states that she was never left in the box for extended periods of time and her parents used it as any other playpen or crib (you can read Deborah's interview about it here: https://www.schoolforthedogs.com/bein...).
Which then leads me to my concern about this book. If the author made such a false statement about Skinner's air crib, the book is either poorly researched (I was able to find a lot of information on it through simple google searches) or Radtke purposely ignored the information presented in her research and made a broad and misleading statement to illustrate her point with the assumption that her readers wouldn't know enough to question what she said. Personally, that was a large turn off for me and left me questioning which other statements in the book might be misleading or false. Because of this I did drop my rating to two stars.
To add some positives- the illustrations in this book were beautiful! They fit well with the text and enhanced the points Radtke was trying to say. Additionally, the book did present some very interesting ideas on the concept of loneliness and the different ways that people might experience it.
As someone who majored in behavior sciences for both my undergraduate and graduate degree, at first I was surprised that I had never heard of BF Skinner raising his daughter in a box, so I did some research. It appears that what the author was talking about was BF Skinner's Air Crib. The air crib was a climate controlled crib similar to an incubator that we see at today's hospitals. Skinners hope was that by using a climate controlled environment, parents would have less laundry to do and the child's movements wouldn't have to be restricted by being wrapped in blankets or extra layers of clothing (https://www.psychologicalscience.org/...). Deborah (Skinner's daughter) has even been interviewed on the use of the box. She states that she was never left in the box for extended periods of time and her parents used it as any other playpen or crib (you can read Deborah's interview about it here: https://www.schoolforthedogs.com/bein...).
Which then leads me to my concern about this book. If the author made such a false statement about Skinner's air crib, the book is either poorly researched (I was able to find a lot of information on it through simple google searches) or Radtke purposely ignored the information presented in her research and made a broad and misleading statement to illustrate her point with the assumption that her readers wouldn't know enough to question what she said. Personally, that was a large turn off for me and left me questioning which other statements in the book might be misleading or false. Because of this I did drop my rating to two stars.
To add some positives- the illustrations in this book were beautiful! They fit well with the text and enhanced the points Radtke was trying to say. Additionally, the book did present some very interesting ideas on the concept of loneliness and the different ways that people might experience it.
April 4, 2021
In Radtke's amazing book, she examines loneliness from various angles--from her own personal stories to the psychological studies of monkeys by Harry Harlow, the early reactions of television laugh tracks, her father's CB radio obsession, social media, cuddlers for hire, and much more. Radtke seamlessly splices interesting and stunning anecdotes about how humans live with solitude, sadness, and worse. Her art is consistently engaging, with intimate close-ups and haunting long shots. I'm blown away by this generous gift of a book. It's my favorite read of the year so far.
December 21, 2021
There is a lot of helpful information on loneliness in this graphic book. At times the author's personal experience was front and center. She would describe a personal situation that led to her loneliness. Other situations were more of a local or national insight into loneliness. Sometimes personal, local, and national perspectives were presented and it was not totally clear how much of each would interact.
I will have to let these ideas settle for a while. Then I think it would be helpful to do a re-read.
I will have to let these ideas settle for a while. Then I think it would be helpful to do a re-read.
August 12, 2021
This made me sad and it made me think. It made me feel guilty for not keeping in touch better with friends and family. It was wonderfully written and very well researched. But don't read this if you're already sad - it'll just make it worse.
September 28, 2021
I'd been wanting to read this as soon as I first heard about it. Isn't that title intriguing? I certainly thought so ... a book about loneliness — American loneliness at that.
But what does it mean, "American Loneliness"? Are Americans lonelier than those in other nations? Maybe loneliness is more prevalent not just among Americans, but among those who are the most connected — the most online. That makes sense, after all, doesn't it?
Studies have found that sites like Instagram and Facebook lead to greater loneliness among younger generations, most especially, due to the unconscious way in which users tend to compare their own, seemingly mundane, lives with those who appear to be living their best life. Ironically, being connected to the outside world to a greater degree than ever before may be making many of us miserable.
You may have heard of "suicide contagion" — that is, documented studies showing that suicide has the tendency to lead others to commit suicide. Loneliness is likewise contagious, something this book is no cure for.
While I very much enjoyed "Seek You," it certainly fostered in me feelings of isolation and loneliness — so much so that I breathed a sigh of relief when I finished it, as though I had been holding my breath the entire time. It's beautiful but dark, and this darkness led me to both devour the book and to fixate on the subject matter even when I wasn't reading it.
The Pacific Northwest, where I currently live, feels like the ideal setting for the film version of this. An often gloomy, fog-choked landscape where the sun, when it does appear, feels like a stranger who's lost their way. After reading "Seek You" and delving into other articles on the topic, I've taken more notice of the solitary light on in the apartment building across the street, in the blank look of passers-by on the promenade. Are they, I wonder to myself, lonely? Am I?
I would have waded even further into the darkness, unable to resist, but there is so much about loneliness that Radtke doesn't cover here. Fortunately, she provides a terrific list of "lonely" texts in her notes at the end of the book that will certainly allow me to imbibe more than the recommended number of books on the topic if I so desire.
There is so much here to comment on, so much that is noteworthy. On page 317, Radtke cites an experiment run by Sherry Turkle, founder of the MIT initiative in Technology and Self, in which Turkle went into a nursing home and provided patients with "battery-operated baby dolls that made lifelike infant sounds."
Some of these dolls became the closest companions these patients had, and one man reportedly even talked to his doll, telling it "everything."
"We should all be uneasy about human interaction substituted for soothing robots," Radtke notes, "as if the goal is just to placate someone until they die."
It's easy to point to examples like this one or of that "anti-loneliness" Moomin cafe in Japan where patrons sit with stuffed animals in order to feel better, and mock them, to point at the seeming absurdity of it all. But how many of us do something strikingly similar in our own day-to-day lives without even realizing it?
Is talking to a dog, or a cat, really that much different? They can't understand us, and yet visits to my friends' homes — back in those glorious pre-pandemic days — have revealed that many of us are under the mistaken belief that we're Dr. Dolittle. One quick scroll through my Instagram feed shows people I know dressing their animals up, cuddling them in bed, and otherwise treating them like children.
Like the dolls in Turkle's study, are our pets just replacements for actual human interaction?
Equally fascinating is the newfound popularity of "cuddle companions," to use one name for the phenomenon, "snuggle buddies" to use another.
"The longing for contact," Radtke writes, "is so pervasive that it's created an industry of paid platonic touch, staffed by an army of surrogates to enact the physical intimacy that's traditionally been a built-in by-product of regular life."
What does it say about contemporary life that we're so starved for physical human contact that we're willing to pay for it? Or has it always been that way? Isn't prostitution, too, simply a profession driven by the desire for human contact?
Radtke reports that psychologists call our desire for human touch "skin hunger," which, aside from being a great title for a film about cannibalism, is a haunting name for what far too many of us apparently lack — actual physical contact with another human being.
What's the solution to loneliness? You won't find it here, at least not in a direct, easy-to-read prescription. But perhaps what you will come away with is a desire to seek out contact with other human beings — to not replace such contact with cheap substitutes.
Perhaps, if nothing else, "Seek You" serves to remind us of the value of our fellow humans.
But what does it mean, "American Loneliness"? Are Americans lonelier than those in other nations? Maybe loneliness is more prevalent not just among Americans, but among those who are the most connected — the most online. That makes sense, after all, doesn't it?
Studies have found that sites like Instagram and Facebook lead to greater loneliness among younger generations, most especially, due to the unconscious way in which users tend to compare their own, seemingly mundane, lives with those who appear to be living their best life. Ironically, being connected to the outside world to a greater degree than ever before may be making many of us miserable.
You may have heard of "suicide contagion" — that is, documented studies showing that suicide has the tendency to lead others to commit suicide. Loneliness is likewise contagious, something this book is no cure for.
While I very much enjoyed "Seek You," it certainly fostered in me feelings of isolation and loneliness — so much so that I breathed a sigh of relief when I finished it, as though I had been holding my breath the entire time. It's beautiful but dark, and this darkness led me to both devour the book and to fixate on the subject matter even when I wasn't reading it.
The Pacific Northwest, where I currently live, feels like the ideal setting for the film version of this. An often gloomy, fog-choked landscape where the sun, when it does appear, feels like a stranger who's lost their way. After reading "Seek You" and delving into other articles on the topic, I've taken more notice of the solitary light on in the apartment building across the street, in the blank look of passers-by on the promenade. Are they, I wonder to myself, lonely? Am I?
I would have waded even further into the darkness, unable to resist, but there is so much about loneliness that Radtke doesn't cover here. Fortunately, she provides a terrific list of "lonely" texts in her notes at the end of the book that will certainly allow me to imbibe more than the recommended number of books on the topic if I so desire.
There is so much here to comment on, so much that is noteworthy. On page 317, Radtke cites an experiment run by Sherry Turkle, founder of the MIT initiative in Technology and Self, in which Turkle went into a nursing home and provided patients with "battery-operated baby dolls that made lifelike infant sounds."
Some of these dolls became the closest companions these patients had, and one man reportedly even talked to his doll, telling it "everything."
"We should all be uneasy about human interaction substituted for soothing robots," Radtke notes, "as if the goal is just to placate someone until they die."
It's easy to point to examples like this one or of that "anti-loneliness" Moomin cafe in Japan where patrons sit with stuffed animals in order to feel better, and mock them, to point at the seeming absurdity of it all. But how many of us do something strikingly similar in our own day-to-day lives without even realizing it?
Is talking to a dog, or a cat, really that much different? They can't understand us, and yet visits to my friends' homes — back in those glorious pre-pandemic days — have revealed that many of us are under the mistaken belief that we're Dr. Dolittle. One quick scroll through my Instagram feed shows people I know dressing their animals up, cuddling them in bed, and otherwise treating them like children.
Like the dolls in Turkle's study, are our pets just replacements for actual human interaction?
Equally fascinating is the newfound popularity of "cuddle companions," to use one name for the phenomenon, "snuggle buddies" to use another.
"The longing for contact," Radtke writes, "is so pervasive that it's created an industry of paid platonic touch, staffed by an army of surrogates to enact the physical intimacy that's traditionally been a built-in by-product of regular life."
What does it say about contemporary life that we're so starved for physical human contact that we're willing to pay for it? Or has it always been that way? Isn't prostitution, too, simply a profession driven by the desire for human contact?
Radtke reports that psychologists call our desire for human touch "skin hunger," which, aside from being a great title for a film about cannibalism, is a haunting name for what far too many of us apparently lack — actual physical contact with another human being.
What's the solution to loneliness? You won't find it here, at least not in a direct, easy-to-read prescription. But perhaps what you will come away with is a desire to seek out contact with other human beings — to not replace such contact with cheap substitutes.
Perhaps, if nothing else, "Seek You" serves to remind us of the value of our fellow humans.
April 7, 2022
This is an exploration of loneliness. It is, I would argue, examining American loneliness. There is a great deal of social commentary (the impact of social media) and some historical context to arguments made over the 20th century about how social changes brought about by inventions such as cars and radios were isolating Americans.
It is an odd book to read in a pandemic when forced isolation has driven many into their homes or small social pods. It doesn't refer at all to what is happening now although it was published in 2021. I haven't sought out or read interviews with the writer/artist or reviews. It is a depressing book, as the title might lead you to think. I cannot recommend this to everyone as the themes are at time disturbing. But it is thought provoking and original.
It is an odd book to read in a pandemic when forced isolation has driven many into their homes or small social pods. It doesn't refer at all to what is happening now although it was published in 2021. I haven't sought out or read interviews with the writer/artist or reviews. It is a depressing book, as the title might lead you to think. I cannot recommend this to everyone as the themes are at time disturbing. But it is thought provoking and original.
July 16, 2023
I was really liking this at the beginning but it unfortunately suffers from a similar lack of commitment and direction as many other contemporary authors' published musings on the meaning of life. The idea of using loneliness to find one another doesn't seem fully compatible with an idea Radtke presents earlier, about how lonely people tend to construct narratives around themselves and their loneliness that make them more aggressive and hostile to others. She tries and fails to make this idea compatible with her shoehorned in Mandatory Statements of Liberalism like "sex work is work" and "lonely men aren't doing school shootings." Radtke's characterization of Harry Harlowe's "rape back" machine and his other monkey torture contraptions as "acts of love" really emulates the following:
1. how lonely and desperate she still is
2. how blind she is to misogyny/male violence and their connections to male loneliness
3. how poorly scaffolded her conclusions that "loneliness can lead to love!" are
This book was really missing a discussion of how physically dangerous loneliness can actually be for many people. It's clear Radtke is coming at the issue from an upper class perspective, because for a poor woman who doesn't have a college degree, loneliness can be what leads to you having to get raped for money (ehem, I mean, uh, do "sex work!), which leads to exploitation by men, which leads to trafficking, which leads to you disappearing. She already made the connection that loneliness makes people hostile, aggressive, and delusional...how can you not connect that to the rise in misogyny in recent years? From incels who spend their days hating women on the internet (eventually escalating to killing and raping them) to women feeling the need to hypersexualize themselves so they don't end up alone and vulnerable...to me the connection to both of these phenomena seems clear as day. This book really would have benefitted from idk acknowledging the horror of having to subject yourself to rape for money because you have no other options as well as the hostility involved in carrying out that rape as a man instead of letting us all hear her JOHN FRIEND TELL US ABOUT WHY HE PAYS TO RAPE WOMENNNNNNNN.
Girl I hope he dies. It really is a commentary on loneliness too that he's still even your friend when he has blatantly told you he would rather pay to rape women than "bother with all the trouble of a relationship." He doesn't see women as people. That's why he rapes them, not because he's lonely.
There really is a key part of analysis missing in this that ultimately dropped it from a five to a two star for me, and that key part is just how potent Americans' hatred of one another currently is and how it's contributing to our loneliness. I don't know, I feel like this book could have been much improved by focusing completely on the correlation between loneliness and hostility in America. Really going deeply into misogyny's sharp rise in recent years, the rise in homophobia, moral panics invented online like "acephobia," "terfs," "critical race theory," and so on...it really would have been more productive to take a good hard look at all the ways we're being taught to hate each other and why we're better off alone. I guess maybe Jaron Lanier already did that with 10 Reasons, so...
Oh also, the gun discussion went on WAY TOO LONG and was really shoehorned in. I liked the discussion about how loneliness is glorified for men vs women a lot, definitely the book's strongest point.
Like every day I see lonely misogynists on the internet and I stare at the things they say about women and I wonder to myself "how is it, that you hate the thing you want more than anything?" Who or what severed that connection? How is the gap bridged? Because from looking at Harry Harlowe's life it really isn't helped by "trad values" like everyone says it is...
1. how lonely and desperate she still is
2. how blind she is to misogyny/male violence and their connections to male loneliness
3. how poorly scaffolded her conclusions that "loneliness can lead to love!" are
This book was really missing a discussion of how physically dangerous loneliness can actually be for many people. It's clear Radtke is coming at the issue from an upper class perspective, because for a poor woman who doesn't have a college degree, loneliness can be what leads to you having to get raped for money (ehem, I mean, uh, do "sex work!), which leads to exploitation by men, which leads to trafficking, which leads to you disappearing. She already made the connection that loneliness makes people hostile, aggressive, and delusional...how can you not connect that to the rise in misogyny in recent years? From incels who spend their days hating women on the internet (eventually escalating to killing and raping them) to women feeling the need to hypersexualize themselves so they don't end up alone and vulnerable...to me the connection to both of these phenomena seems clear as day. This book really would have benefitted from idk acknowledging the horror of having to subject yourself to rape for money because you have no other options as well as the hostility involved in carrying out that rape as a man instead of letting us all hear her JOHN FRIEND TELL US ABOUT WHY HE PAYS TO RAPE WOMENNNNNNNN.
Girl I hope he dies. It really is a commentary on loneliness too that he's still even your friend when he has blatantly told you he would rather pay to rape women than "bother with all the trouble of a relationship." He doesn't see women as people. That's why he rapes them, not because he's lonely.
There really is a key part of analysis missing in this that ultimately dropped it from a five to a two star for me, and that key part is just how potent Americans' hatred of one another currently is and how it's contributing to our loneliness. I don't know, I feel like this book could have been much improved by focusing completely on the correlation between loneliness and hostility in America. Really going deeply into misogyny's sharp rise in recent years, the rise in homophobia, moral panics invented online like "acephobia," "terfs," "critical race theory," and so on...it really would have been more productive to take a good hard look at all the ways we're being taught to hate each other and why we're better off alone. I guess maybe Jaron Lanier already did that with 10 Reasons, so...
Oh also, the gun discussion went on WAY TOO LONG and was really shoehorned in. I liked the discussion about how loneliness is glorified for men vs women a lot, definitely the book's strongest point.
Like every day I see lonely misogynists on the internet and I stare at the things they say about women and I wonder to myself "how is it, that you hate the thing you want more than anything?" Who or what severed that connection? How is the gap bridged? Because from looking at Harry Harlowe's life it really isn't helped by "trad values" like everyone says it is...
September 15, 2023
I don't often read graphic books and usually if I do, they are fiction, so this was an entirely new kettle of fish for me - am not sure how much the illustrations added - at points I felt like I wish this were an essay - but in other sections, I felt the graphics helped a lot in exploring this (pardon the expression) 'touchy' subject (... since one whole section deals with how humans crave for touch!). I could relate to a lot of this, even the more disturbing/perplexing parts - even though I think of myself as somewhat of a natural loner - although hopefully not the type who turns out to be a serial killer or other perp! :-O!!
October 12, 2021
I don't know if this is one of those situations where I have too much to say and so can't settle in on exactly what to say, or whether it's because I just haven't sat and tried to write with real thoughtfulness about a book in a while, but I have been trying to get to the heart of what I think and feel about this book since reading it for the first time in August and I am still struggling.
But I'm returning it to the library today and so I must come up with something.
Well OK to get started, it's another memoir/survey, a format I am very into in theory, and which was also the structure of Radtke's first book, Imagine Wanting Only This. In that earlier work she set out to understand something of what it means to go to ruin, the decay inherent in existence, the weird feeling you can get if you meditate on a place in time after your own death. It's an interesting exploration, and if it's a little self-absorbed, a little clunky, a little grad-schooly, you (or I) can extend her the benefit of the doubt: She's only thirty when that book comes out. I thought it was impressive and I fought people about it and still will.
In this book, she sets out to tackle the somewhat less theoretical subject of American loneliness, rooting the exploration in her own experience as a Midwest preteen in the late nineties seeking connection through the internet, stories about her father operating a ham radio in his own youth, and her time living in Las Vegas and New York City, weaving in more journalistic sections that touch upon cowboys, television's male antiheroes, Hannah Arendt, Yayoi Kusama, and Harry Harlow's demented animal torture, all in an effort to crystallize something of loneliness, what it means to long to belong.
I think this is brave and important work, but I find her efforts here garbled and unfocussed. She is still learning how to train the eye outward, and then inward, and then outward again and as a result the book lists, bulges, drags, and staggers its way through what might largely be an issue of too much material. I picture a version of this book that spends less time (and space) arranging headlines, more time digging in to its primary subject--Radtke's own loneliness, and the pain of it, trusting readers to connect to her through their own pain without the bolster of statistical and psychiatric/medical "proof" that loneliness is painful.
And so then as far as the art I maybe have complicated feelings. I really don't like the art this time, even though it is made the same way she made Imagine. This time for whatever reason I felt the stiffness and artifice of the grayscale digital tracery pushing my eyes away from the pages. I resented its use of imagery as symbol--make a drawing from a photograph of a real person who is alone and the drawing you've made is now of no one. This doesn't "show" loneliness in any meaningful way, any more than showing someone in a crowd shows camaraderie, and page after page of it was . . . well if nothing else it was boring. And then sometimes (for my money) the imagery brutally and unearnedly punishes the reader. Fuck the monkey stuff in this book. This book brings neither the depth nor the perspective that could forgive its rubbing its readers' faces in cruelty like this.
Anyway if the art weren't digital, I realized, but still clumsy like this, I would probably be pretty defensive of it. I love clumsy selfish immature handmade stories, it's my basic art philosophy that we all on some level need to make them in whatever form in order to peel them out of our hearts like the sour clogs they can fuck us up by being. So maybe digital tracing is just not my comics aesthetic.
And so then I read it rather quickly about a week ago in anticipation of getting together with a couple friends and talking about it, and I didn't dislike it as strongly. Maybe it should be read quickly. Maybe it's a better book if you read it on your phone. I don't know.
In conclusion, I'm not mad at this book but I am disappointed.
Oh and then one other kind of related thing, the Bad Art Friend stuff is making its way through my internets right now, and this morning I finished the Times article so I could talk to Megan about it and this really struck me: "I feel instead of running the race herself, she's standing on the sidelines and trying to disqualify everybody else based on minor technicalities." I really feel this quote. I am jealous of Radtke! I want to publish my self-absorbed pretentious comics memoirs about all my theories and feelings, lol. And she has written two! To no little acclaim. I want to do that, too. So to the extent that that blinders me, I am just putting my cards on the table.
Anyway I hope this is not a shitty review, I am TRYING to learn how to be more forthright about my negative opinions without needing to couch them in blustery hilarity or spiteful painful privacy or whatever other twisted ass ways I have sucked down and/or blasted all over you rudely my gripes. Please accept this effort as my best for today.
But I'm returning it to the library today and so I must come up with something.
Well OK to get started, it's another memoir/survey, a format I am very into in theory, and which was also the structure of Radtke's first book, Imagine Wanting Only This. In that earlier work she set out to understand something of what it means to go to ruin, the decay inherent in existence, the weird feeling you can get if you meditate on a place in time after your own death. It's an interesting exploration, and if it's a little self-absorbed, a little clunky, a little grad-schooly, you (or I) can extend her the benefit of the doubt: She's only thirty when that book comes out. I thought it was impressive and I fought people about it and still will.
In this book, she sets out to tackle the somewhat less theoretical subject of American loneliness, rooting the exploration in her own experience as a Midwest preteen in the late nineties seeking connection through the internet, stories about her father operating a ham radio in his own youth, and her time living in Las Vegas and New York City, weaving in more journalistic sections that touch upon cowboys, television's male antiheroes, Hannah Arendt, Yayoi Kusama, and Harry Harlow's demented animal torture, all in an effort to crystallize something of loneliness, what it means to long to belong.
I think this is brave and important work, but I find her efforts here garbled and unfocussed. She is still learning how to train the eye outward, and then inward, and then outward again and as a result the book lists, bulges, drags, and staggers its way through what might largely be an issue of too much material. I picture a version of this book that spends less time (and space) arranging headlines, more time digging in to its primary subject--Radtke's own loneliness, and the pain of it, trusting readers to connect to her through their own pain without the bolster of statistical and psychiatric/medical "proof" that loneliness is painful.
And so then as far as the art I maybe have complicated feelings. I really don't like the art this time, even though it is made the same way she made Imagine. This time for whatever reason I felt the stiffness and artifice of the grayscale digital tracery pushing my eyes away from the pages. I resented its use of imagery as symbol--make a drawing from a photograph of a real person who is alone and the drawing you've made is now of no one. This doesn't "show" loneliness in any meaningful way, any more than showing someone in a crowd shows camaraderie, and page after page of it was . . . well if nothing else it was boring. And then sometimes (for my money) the imagery brutally and unearnedly punishes the reader. Fuck the monkey stuff in this book. This book brings neither the depth nor the perspective that could forgive its rubbing its readers' faces in cruelty like this.
Anyway if the art weren't digital, I realized, but still clumsy like this, I would probably be pretty defensive of it. I love clumsy selfish immature handmade stories, it's my basic art philosophy that we all on some level need to make them in whatever form in order to peel them out of our hearts like the sour clogs they can fuck us up by being. So maybe digital tracing is just not my comics aesthetic.
And so then I read it rather quickly about a week ago in anticipation of getting together with a couple friends and talking about it, and I didn't dislike it as strongly. Maybe it should be read quickly. Maybe it's a better book if you read it on your phone. I don't know.
In conclusion, I'm not mad at this book but I am disappointed.
Oh and then one other kind of related thing, the Bad Art Friend stuff is making its way through my internets right now, and this morning I finished the Times article so I could talk to Megan about it and this really struck me: "I feel instead of running the race herself, she's standing on the sidelines and trying to disqualify everybody else based on minor technicalities." I really feel this quote. I am jealous of Radtke! I want to publish my self-absorbed pretentious comics memoirs about all my theories and feelings, lol. And she has written two! To no little acclaim. I want to do that, too. So to the extent that that blinders me, I am just putting my cards on the table.
Anyway I hope this is not a shitty review, I am TRYING to learn how to be more forthright about my negative opinions without needing to couch them in blustery hilarity or spiteful painful privacy or whatever other twisted ass ways I have sucked down and/or blasted all over you rudely my gripes. Please accept this effort as my best for today.
August 27, 2021
From my summary for Bookmarks magazine: Radtke surveys the science of loneliness and its pop culture representations. She spends significant time on Harry Harlow’s cruel 1950s experiments that denied affection to baby rhesus monkeys. Her own life is also a source of inspiration, including her father’s secret hobby of ham radio (“seek you” comes from the CQ call, which asks if there’s anyone listening) to her childhood habit of hiding away to watch 1990s sitcoms with laugh-tracks. From mass shootings to selfies in art galleries, she probes the stereotypes we associate with lonely people. Amidst muted blue-green and gray-brown scenes, pops of warm color stand out.
(3.5) I loved the seven pages of people recounting their loneliest moments. The fragments of memoir (promiscuity in her twenties, the fact that she’s she only person in her family not to own a gun, sending her thoughts out into the world via early blogs and message boards) are interesting but don’t necessarily seem to fit with the cultural history. I felt there was too much about the distressing Harlow experiments. Still, this is such a worthwhile subject, with loneliness a contagion as prevalent as Covid-19 during a time of isolation.
Readalikes: The Last American Man by Elizabeth Gilbert (on the American cowboy/loner myth), The Lonely City by Olivia Laing, and the graphic novel In by Will McPhail, Radtke’s fellow New Yorker writer.
Favorite lines:
“Loneliness implies a flaw in us like no other longing or sadness does. ... It says that you’re a loser.”
Brilliant last line: “And when we call out across an airwave or a telephone or a chatroom or an
app or a city street or an open field or our bedroom, I want us each to hear, miraculously, a voice calling back.”
(3.5) I loved the seven pages of people recounting their loneliest moments. The fragments of memoir (promiscuity in her twenties, the fact that she’s she only person in her family not to own a gun, sending her thoughts out into the world via early blogs and message boards) are interesting but don’t necessarily seem to fit with the cultural history. I felt there was too much about the distressing Harlow experiments. Still, this is such a worthwhile subject, with loneliness a contagion as prevalent as Covid-19 during a time of isolation.
Readalikes: The Last American Man by Elizabeth Gilbert (on the American cowboy/loner myth), The Lonely City by Olivia Laing, and the graphic novel In by Will McPhail, Radtke’s fellow New Yorker writer.
Favorite lines:
“Loneliness implies a flaw in us like no other longing or sadness does. ... It says that you’re a loser.”
Brilliant last line: “And when we call out across an airwave or a telephone or a chatroom or an
app or a city street or an open field or our bedroom, I want us each to hear, miraculously, a voice calling back.”
August 22, 2021
I didn't feel lonely until I saw how my rating is so different from others!!!
Jokes aside I am not someone who feels lonely very often. I am, like the author points out, one of those people who "is only lonely when she thinks she is." But if this book made a person like me feel worse I can only imagine the effect it may have on others.
At first I thought this book was a solid 5 stars. I did wish that it had woven in some more pertinent-to-the-times information with what was probably written/drawn long before. But other than that I was amazed at how much was resonating with me and were things I had been pondering this pandemic.
HOWEVER, the Harry Harlow section near the end just broke me. I had known about the main experiment but I did not know about some of the other details (spoiler: pit of despair, rape rack, motherless mothers, etc.) and to see them visualized through the drawings...for nearly 100 pages... I fell into my own pit of despair.
To top it off I felt like it just ended there. There wasn't a real conclusion -Casey Kasem does not count- or advice going forward, there was no light at the end of this tunnel. The light turned out to be a train heading straight for you.
I think it's dangerous to put out a book like that at a time like this. The loneliness epidemic is real and it's killing people alongside the virus. To leave us without resolution, or even hope, is a risky choice that I'm surprised was made. If all I can do is dedicate you who reads this a song, I am doing it. But as the last line states, to hear a voice calling back to me would be miraculous. :( We need something more tangible than miracles.
Sad dedication: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CAYF...
Slightly less sad dedication: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIeEm...
Helplines organized by countries: https://www.opencounseling.com/suicid...
Great forums as well as free listeners when you need: 7cups.com/forum/
Jokes aside I am not someone who feels lonely very often. I am, like the author points out, one of those people who "is only lonely when she thinks she is." But if this book made a person like me feel worse I can only imagine the effect it may have on others.
At first I thought this book was a solid 5 stars. I did wish that it had woven in some more pertinent-to-the-times information with what was probably written/drawn long before. But other than that I was amazed at how much was resonating with me and were things I had been pondering this pandemic.
HOWEVER, the Harry Harlow section near the end just broke me. I had known about the main experiment but I did not know about some of the other details (spoiler: pit of despair, rape rack, motherless mothers, etc.) and to see them visualized through the drawings...for nearly 100 pages... I fell into my own pit of despair.
To top it off I felt like it just ended there. There wasn't a real conclusion -Casey Kasem does not count- or advice going forward, there was no light at the end of this tunnel. The light turned out to be a train heading straight for you.
I think it's dangerous to put out a book like that at a time like this. The loneliness epidemic is real and it's killing people alongside the virus. To leave us without resolution, or even hope, is a risky choice that I'm surprised was made. If all I can do is dedicate you who reads this a song, I am doing it. But as the last line states, to hear a voice calling back to me would be miraculous. :( We need something more tangible than miracles.
Sad dedication: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CAYF...
Slightly less sad dedication: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIeEm...
Helplines organized by countries: https://www.opencounseling.com/suicid...
Great forums as well as free listeners when you need: 7cups.com/forum/
April 11, 2022
This is Radtke's second long, melancholic graphic novel mixing nonfiction and memoir. This one is an examination of loneliness and it's damaging and isolating effects. The author bares her own loneliness, which seems inherited from her reserved Midwestern family; she also weaves in quotes and research from scholars and scientists who have studied the topic, most prominently Harry Harlow, an American phycologist who bred rhesus monkeys and raised them in horrifying conditions. I remember reading an article about his research in a National Geographic magazine as a teen, so I was vaguely familiar with his work, but not the sadist extent of it. Radtke lays out the griefs and traumas of Harlow's personal life, which might have been what pushed him to raise animals in solitary confinement and watch it destroy them. Radtke does not attempt to excuse this behavior, noting instead what it says about human beings who are similarly separated from society. There was an opportunity here to talk about the damaging nature of prisons, but that does not come up in this book. It is a very solid and well-researched essay, thematically cohesive, and with poignant illustrations colored in a range of muted, moody tones. It's also very sad, which will probably land with some readers as cathartic and others as upsetting.
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