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You Can’t Be Serious
In this refreshingly candid memoir, Kal Penn recounts why he rejected the advice of his aunties and guidance counselors and, instead of becoming a doctor or “something practical,” embarked on a surprising journey that has included acting, writing, working as a farmhand, teaching Ivy League University courses, and smoking fake weed with a fake President of the United States, before serving the country and advising a real one.
You Can’t Be Serious is a series of funny, consequential, awkward, and ridiculous stories from Kal’s idiosyncratic life. It’s about being the grandson of Gandhian freedom fighters, and the son of immigrant parents: people who came to this country with very little and went very far—and whose vision of the American dream probably never included their son sliding off an oiled-up naked woman in a raunchy Ryan Reynolds movie…or getting a phone call from Air Force One as Kal flew with the country’s first Black president.
With intelligence, humor, and charm on every page, Kal reflects on the most exasperating and rewarding moments from his journey so far. He pulls back the curtain on the nuances of opportunity and racism in the entertainment industry and recounts how he built allies, found encouragement, and dealt with early reminders that he might never fit in. And of course, he reveals how, after a decade and a half of fighting for and enjoying successes in Hollywood, he made the terrifying but rewarding decision to take a sabbatical from a fulfilling acting career for an opportunity to serve his country as a White House aide.
Above all, You Can’t Be Serious shows that everyone can have more than one life story. Kal demonstrates by example that no matter who you are and where you come from, you have many more choices than those presented to you. It’s a story about struggle, triumph, and learning how to keep your head up. And okay, yes, it’s also about how he accidentally (and very stupidly) accepted an invitation to take the entire White House Office of Public Engagement to a strip club—because, let’s be honest, that’s the kind of stuff you really want to hear about.
You Can’t Be Serious is a series of funny, consequential, awkward, and ridiculous stories from Kal’s idiosyncratic life. It’s about being the grandson of Gandhian freedom fighters, and the son of immigrant parents: people who came to this country with very little and went very far—and whose vision of the American dream probably never included their son sliding off an oiled-up naked woman in a raunchy Ryan Reynolds movie…or getting a phone call from Air Force One as Kal flew with the country’s first Black president.
With intelligence, humor, and charm on every page, Kal reflects on the most exasperating and rewarding moments from his journey so far. He pulls back the curtain on the nuances of opportunity and racism in the entertainment industry and recounts how he built allies, found encouragement, and dealt with early reminders that he might never fit in. And of course, he reveals how, after a decade and a half of fighting for and enjoying successes in Hollywood, he made the terrifying but rewarding decision to take a sabbatical from a fulfilling acting career for an opportunity to serve his country as a White House aide.
Above all, You Can’t Be Serious shows that everyone can have more than one life story. Kal demonstrates by example that no matter who you are and where you come from, you have many more choices than those presented to you. It’s a story about struggle, triumph, and learning how to keep your head up. And okay, yes, it’s also about how he accidentally (and very stupidly) accepted an invitation to take the entire White House Office of Public Engagement to a strip club—because, let’s be honest, that’s the kind of stuff you really want to hear about.
368 pages, Hardcover
First published November 2, 2021
483 people are currently reading
19734 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,251 reviews
February 13, 2022
Enjoyable. Held my attention. But makes me scratch my head over the LGBTQ angle.
Kal Penn spent a lot of time talking about his racial identity, and I don't begrudge him that at all. He really explained well the recurring problem of people in Hollywood trying to force him to speak with an Indian accent, even when it made no sense for his character.
But I only learned Kal Penn was gay (?) within the past month. In this book, he uses no specific label (not gay, bi, pan, or queer). He just talks about dating dudes, never actually talks about dating women, and once referred to himself as a twink. He then describes how he began dating Josh, whom he is now engaged to.
But despite spending a lot of time talking about his parents struggling with his status as a theater major, he does not address how they handled his orientation at all. Despite talking about the repeal of "Don't ask, don't tell," he does not say anything about what the discriminatory practice against gays and lesbians meant to him personally.
Kal, I am gay, but 9 years younger than you. I could relate to the part about having diverse academic interests. I know what it was like to be closeted in the 90s. I remember trying not to stare at guys in the locker room. Forcing myself to look at girls at school and tell myself I could crush on them. Panicking whenever you hear a straight guy say, "That's gay," both because you're worried he'll attack you, and because you WANT to stand up to him, but know you can't.
How did you gloss over all this? You talked about your Indian peers at college judging you for your choice of major. How could you leave out whether they judged you for your orientation? When talking about inviting a gay soldier for a party about the repeal of DADT, don't you know there is a story there about how he might have appreciated hearing you were gay like him, and fighting for our rights at the White House?
It is odd and vaguely offensive. Kal Penn spent the final chapter talking about an abc sitcom he produced that I had legitimately never heard of (despite the fact I watched other shows he mentioned, like The Good Place). His point in praising his own show was about how representative it was because the cast was so diverse and intersectional. But when it comes to his own orientation, he is washing his hands of discussing the emotional component to his identity, or the fact he faces intersectional issues as a queer man of color. We are left only with the cold facts.
He has dated dudes and is engaged to Josh. That is all we may know. He will not tell us what label he prefers, nor bond with us over what coming out was like for him. We can hear about his --completely valid-- stories of racial discrimination. But he isn't even going to broach the subject of homophobia.
I feel cheated. Vaguely spurned and ignored. The more I think about this, the angrier I get. The problem isn't that I am faulting him for being in the closet. We all stay there as long as we need to. (For me it was just age 11-15.) No, my problem is that now that he is out, he is using his platform to challenge JUST racism and not homophobia. And this book claims to be candid, when any gay man knows he must have left out a great deal.
You expect me to believe you pointed out each offensive Indian stereotypical joke in Van Wilder, but you remained completely mum about gay jokes? You talked so much about actors making the choice about whether to take on a stereotypical Indian role to fight the system from within. But you didn't address the portrayal of gay men at all, and seemingly took no steps to protect our interests. At the risk of sounding dramatic, that feels like a betrayal.
Kal Penn spent a lot of time talking about his racial identity, and I don't begrudge him that at all. He really explained well the recurring problem of people in Hollywood trying to force him to speak with an Indian accent, even when it made no sense for his character.
But I only learned Kal Penn was gay (?) within the past month. In this book, he uses no specific label (not gay, bi, pan, or queer). He just talks about dating dudes, never actually talks about dating women, and once referred to himself as a twink. He then describes how he began dating Josh, whom he is now engaged to.
But despite spending a lot of time talking about his parents struggling with his status as a theater major, he does not address how they handled his orientation at all. Despite talking about the repeal of "Don't ask, don't tell," he does not say anything about what the discriminatory practice against gays and lesbians meant to him personally.
Kal, I am gay, but 9 years younger than you. I could relate to the part about having diverse academic interests. I know what it was like to be closeted in the 90s. I remember trying not to stare at guys in the locker room. Forcing myself to look at girls at school and tell myself I could crush on them. Panicking whenever you hear a straight guy say, "That's gay," both because you're worried he'll attack you, and because you WANT to stand up to him, but know you can't.
How did you gloss over all this? You talked about your Indian peers at college judging you for your choice of major. How could you leave out whether they judged you for your orientation? When talking about inviting a gay soldier for a party about the repeal of DADT, don't you know there is a story there about how he might have appreciated hearing you were gay like him, and fighting for our rights at the White House?
It is odd and vaguely offensive. Kal Penn spent the final chapter talking about an abc sitcom he produced that I had legitimately never heard of (despite the fact I watched other shows he mentioned, like The Good Place). His point in praising his own show was about how representative it was because the cast was so diverse and intersectional. But when it comes to his own orientation, he is washing his hands of discussing the emotional component to his identity, or the fact he faces intersectional issues as a queer man of color. We are left only with the cold facts.
He has dated dudes and is engaged to Josh. That is all we may know. He will not tell us what label he prefers, nor bond with us over what coming out was like for him. We can hear about his --completely valid-- stories of racial discrimination. But he isn't even going to broach the subject of homophobia.
I feel cheated. Vaguely spurned and ignored. The more I think about this, the angrier I get. The problem isn't that I am faulting him for being in the closet. We all stay there as long as we need to. (For me it was just age 11-15.) No, my problem is that now that he is out, he is using his platform to challenge JUST racism and not homophobia. And this book claims to be candid, when any gay man knows he must have left out a great deal.
You expect me to believe you pointed out each offensive Indian stereotypical joke in Van Wilder, but you remained completely mum about gay jokes? You talked so much about actors making the choice about whether to take on a stereotypical Indian role to fight the system from within. But you didn't address the portrayal of gay men at all, and seemingly took no steps to protect our interests. At the risk of sounding dramatic, that feels like a betrayal.
December 17, 2021
*4.5 stars*
First of all, if you want to read You Can’t Be Serious, I highly recommend getting it in audiobook form. Kal Penn is an amazing, dynamic narrator, and such a natural reader that it made this book an absolute pleasure to listen to. Well worth the money or credits, trust me.
I've been a Kal Penn fan for years, and I actually have a few friends in common with him (I can't even put this on my NJ connection, but NJ pride, *woot, woot*, so I was beyond excited to listen to this audiobook. I knew very little about him as a person, other than the fact that he left acting for a time to work in politics.
I think if you are curious about Kal Penn's intro into acting and how he had to work his butt off to make it with the likes of the legions of white, generic actors in the mid-90s, this book will be your jam. Kal Penn really shows the struggles of being Indian and trying to break into show business, but he remains funny and engaging and extremely personable during the whole audiobook. You'll feel like you are long-time friends.
Also, as someone who leans so far left that she could topple over, I loved his segments about working for the Obama administration and what an incredible risk that was for his finally successful acting career. I mean, I'm talking balls of steel, over here. I admire Kal so much for that.
If you are reading this book for an in-depth look or discussion about his sexuality, look elsewhere. He casually mentions his sexuality a few times, and also has a sweet chapter on meeting his boyfriend, which, if I'm being honest, feels more like a Nascar advertisement than anything else. I did find it a bit odd that he deep dove so heavily into his family's reaction to him not becoming a doctor or lawyer and what that meant for him and his family, but really completely skated over their reaction to his sexuality, which must have been also pretty momentous for them. I'm not saying he had to share anything more than he did, but it felt at odds with the tone of the rest of the book.
Overall, I really enjoyed this audiobook. Kal Penn did a fabulous job narrating this story and highlighting more about the inside world of Hollywood and politics during the past few decades.
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January 6, 2022
Giveaway Win!
Kal Penn is one of those actors that I enjoy watching in movies but who I don't know anything about. A couple weeks ago I read that Kal Penn was engaged to his longtime boyfriend Josh and my first response was...Wow! I've never once thought about Kal Penn's personal life....and also congrats!
Obviously I know Kal Penn from the Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle movies and I knew he worked in Michelle Obama's husband's White House but other than that I never had any interest in his personal life. Not in a bad way its just that Kal Penn seems like a chill regular guy and not some world famous guy.
And I was right!
Kal Penn is a regular guy who just so happens to be famous and accomplished in both acting and activism. You Can't Be Serious is one part memoir about growing up with immigrant parents and one part expose about just how racist "Hollywood Liberals" are.
GOD!!!!! The amount of racist bullshit that Kal Penn has to deal with in Hollywood is both mind blowing and not shocking at all. I thought Black folks had it bad in Hollywood but damn Indian actors have it even worse. If any of ya'll don't think racism is real read this book.
I really loved reading this book, I think there's something in this book for everyone. Kal talks about the immigrant experience in America(he was born in New Jersey but his parents were from India)being a huge nerd, trying to break into Hollywood, his time in Washington politics and the racism that follows him everywhere. And he does it with humor. Some of these stories are bitter to swallow but he uses a dash sugar(humor) to make it go down easier. Kal Penn comes off exactly the way I expected him to, as a silly, down to earth nerd.
A Must Read for readers of Hollywood memoirs and for readers that enjoy immigrant stories.
Kal Penn is one of those actors that I enjoy watching in movies but who I don't know anything about. A couple weeks ago I read that Kal Penn was engaged to his longtime boyfriend Josh and my first response was...Wow! I've never once thought about Kal Penn's personal life....and also congrats!
Obviously I know Kal Penn from the Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle movies and I knew he worked in Michelle Obama's husband's White House but other than that I never had any interest in his personal life. Not in a bad way its just that Kal Penn seems like a chill regular guy and not some world famous guy.
And I was right!
Kal Penn is a regular guy who just so happens to be famous and accomplished in both acting and activism. You Can't Be Serious is one part memoir about growing up with immigrant parents and one part expose about just how racist "Hollywood Liberals" are.
GOD!!!!! The amount of racist bullshit that Kal Penn has to deal with in Hollywood is both mind blowing and not shocking at all. I thought Black folks had it bad in Hollywood but damn Indian actors have it even worse. If any of ya'll don't think racism is real read this book.
I really loved reading this book, I think there's something in this book for everyone. Kal talks about the immigrant experience in America(he was born in New Jersey but his parents were from India)being a huge nerd, trying to break into Hollywood, his time in Washington politics and the racism that follows him everywhere. And he does it with humor. Some of these stories are bitter to swallow but he uses a dash sugar(humor) to make it go down easier. Kal Penn comes off exactly the way I expected him to, as a silly, down to earth nerd.
A Must Read for readers of Hollywood memoirs and for readers that enjoy immigrant stories.
December 15, 2021
No,
You Can't Be Serious
isn't the John McEnroe story: it's an insightful, funny memoir from Kal Penn, actor and one-time Obama administration employee.
I’ve been a big fan of Kal Penn’s since Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (I am, at my very core, a 12-year-old), and I really think he’s talented. I also was impressed that he left his acting job on House to take a position in the Obama administration for two years. Couple that with the recent public acknowledgment that he is gay and engaged, and I was all in on this memoir.
Most important thing I learned: when he was in middle school/high school, HE LIVED IN MY HOMETOWN. C'mon, Marlboro people, did no one else know this? Seriously, he even name dropped my middle school! He’s eight years younger than me so I was already in college but he went to middle school with my brother. (He was using his real name, Kalpen Modi, then.) How crazy is that?
I really enjoyed Penn’s self-deprecating style in this memoir, as he talked about what it was like to grow up Indian and be the child who wants to act rather than go to medical or law school as expected. He also talked a lot about how difficult it was (and is) to get a job in Hollywood when you look like he does, and fight the stereotypes casting directors and producers have about Indian actors.
He also really comes alive talking about his time campaigning for President Obama and working the administration, seeing the political system from both sides.
The one thing I expected a little more of was a discussion about his sexuality, since there was public acknowledgment of it prior to the book's release. He refers to being gay in passing a few times and then talks about meeting his now-fiancé, and how their relationship progressed. But clearly, it’s just another aspect of his life, so it doesn’t get special treatment. I'm glad to see he didn't view it all as a big deal.
I don’t read a lot of memoirs, particularly by celebrities, but I like him, and found this as engaging as I’d imagine he’d be in real life. Plus, Marlboro people gotta represent!
See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.
Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.
I’ve been a big fan of Kal Penn’s since Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (I am, at my very core, a 12-year-old), and I really think he’s talented. I also was impressed that he left his acting job on House to take a position in the Obama administration for two years. Couple that with the recent public acknowledgment that he is gay and engaged, and I was all in on this memoir.
Most important thing I learned: when he was in middle school/high school, HE LIVED IN MY HOMETOWN. C'mon, Marlboro people, did no one else know this? Seriously, he even name dropped my middle school! He’s eight years younger than me so I was already in college but he went to middle school with my brother. (He was using his real name, Kalpen Modi, then.) How crazy is that?
I really enjoyed Penn’s self-deprecating style in this memoir, as he talked about what it was like to grow up Indian and be the child who wants to act rather than go to medical or law school as expected. He also talked a lot about how difficult it was (and is) to get a job in Hollywood when you look like he does, and fight the stereotypes casting directors and producers have about Indian actors.
He also really comes alive talking about his time campaigning for President Obama and working the administration, seeing the political system from both sides.
The one thing I expected a little more of was a discussion about his sexuality, since there was public acknowledgment of it prior to the book's release. He refers to being gay in passing a few times and then talks about meeting his now-fiancé, and how their relationship progressed. But clearly, it’s just another aspect of his life, so it doesn’t get special treatment. I'm glad to see he didn't view it all as a big deal.
I don’t read a lot of memoirs, particularly by celebrities, but I like him, and found this as engaging as I’d imagine he’d be in real life. Plus, Marlboro people gotta represent!
See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.
Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.
June 30, 2022
Fantastic! I listened to the audiobook, narrated by Kal Penn (Kalpen Modi), himself.
As a brown woman born in Canada just a few years before Penn, I really enjoyed this memoir. Luckily for me, race was never an issue where I grew up (a place very much smaller than New Jersey). I didn't encounter race politics until I moved to Toronto, and it still doesn't really affect my life, except as an observer of the injustice done to others. I think I've been very lucky that way.
It was so interesting to see Hollywood through Penn's eyes. How has Hollywood purported to be so progressive and yet in actuality is more backwards than my hometown in the '80s? It makes the success of people like Penn, Mindy Kaling, Kunal Nayyar, Kumail Nanjiani, Hasan Minhaj etc. so much sweeter to know how hard they had to work. It seems even more difficult for the American-born among them, who didn't have an Indian accent! 🤦🏽♀️ I truly believe things are turning around for visible minorities in Hollywood. I think we're at a turning point; a lot more demand for and acceptance of diversity on the screen. ❤️
Back to the book! Kalpen Modi does a great job taking us through his formative years, his quest for success and the struggles along the way. I love that he explained how he ended up campaigning for, and then working for, Barack Obama. The behind-the-scenes look at his White House job was fascinating!
He seems like a truly modest and down-to-earth man. There is no ego to talk about. His success came from nothing but hard work and he hadn't forgotten his humble roots. His parents must be so proud! 😊
His narration is wonderful. He's the guy you want to sit down and have a drink with.
My next book will probably be Kunal Nayyar's "Yes, My Accent Is Real", for a compare/ contrast.
As a brown woman born in Canada just a few years before Penn, I really enjoyed this memoir. Luckily for me, race was never an issue where I grew up (a place very much smaller than New Jersey). I didn't encounter race politics until I moved to Toronto, and it still doesn't really affect my life, except as an observer of the injustice done to others. I think I've been very lucky that way.
It was so interesting to see Hollywood through Penn's eyes. How has Hollywood purported to be so progressive and yet in actuality is more backwards than my hometown in the '80s? It makes the success of people like Penn, Mindy Kaling, Kunal Nayyar, Kumail Nanjiani, Hasan Minhaj etc. so much sweeter to know how hard they had to work. It seems even more difficult for the American-born among them, who didn't have an Indian accent! 🤦🏽♀️ I truly believe things are turning around for visible minorities in Hollywood. I think we're at a turning point; a lot more demand for and acceptance of diversity on the screen. ❤️
Back to the book! Kalpen Modi does a great job taking us through his formative years, his quest for success and the struggles along the way. I love that he explained how he ended up campaigning for, and then working for, Barack Obama. The behind-the-scenes look at his White House job was fascinating!
He seems like a truly modest and down-to-earth man. There is no ego to talk about. His success came from nothing but hard work and he hadn't forgotten his humble roots. His parents must be so proud! 😊
His narration is wonderful. He's the guy you want to sit down and have a drink with.
My next book will probably be Kunal Nayyar's "Yes, My Accent Is Real", for a compare/ contrast.
February 23, 2022
This was excellent. Funny and light while still being able to cover serious issues like the lack of diversity in Hollywood, the racism he faced in Hollywood and the cultural experience of being Indian American.
He told all the stories I wanted to hear. I got everything I came for, including the entire story of how he ended up working for Barack Obama's administration. The cherry on top was that he also told the story of how he met his now fiancé and they bonded over beer cozies and Nascar. How unexpected.
I could have read ten more essays, my only complaint is that I wished it had been longer. I would love to hear about his teaching experience and more about working toward diversity and inclusion.
He told all the stories I wanted to hear. I got everything I came for, including the entire story of how he ended up working for Barack Obama's administration. The cherry on top was that he also told the story of how he met his now fiancé and they bonded over beer cozies and Nascar. How unexpected.
I could have read ten more essays, my only complaint is that I wished it had been longer. I would love to hear about his teaching experience and more about working toward diversity and inclusion.
November 22, 2021
I had the biggest smile on my face when I finished reading this delightfully charming book. It's funny, eye-opening, inspiring, and touching--my favorite qualities in any media! I'm a straight-up Kal Penn fan since I first saw him in The Namesake. So it was fascinating for me to get the backstory on how he came to play that part, as well as what happened with his short-lived sitcom, Sunnyside. Through this book, I came to see him as a great writer and storyteller, a hardworking and idealistic activist, and a loyal, loving friend and family member. When I had the chance to meet Kal Penn many years ago, my cousin Michael, who was going to introduce us, knew what a big Kal Penn fan I was and kept reminding me that I had to be cool. "He's just a dude," Michael kept reminding me. "He's just a dude." Kal Penn was very humble and didn't project "Hollywood star" when he worked in the Obama administration. My aunt, who also met him at that time, was surprised to learn about Kal's life outside of politics, saying, "I thought he was just Michael's friend Kal." The thing about Kal Penn is, he may be just a dude, but he's an extraordinary one with a great story to tell!
July 19, 2022
I enjoyed the audiobook
November 3, 2021
I was given an ARC copy of this.
Normally I don't read many memoirs, but this one was fun. It has a lot of stories about Penn's life, from getting set on fire for a sex scene to getting scammed by an Indian filmmaker. There are some serious bits too, particularly some insight into how Hollywood works and how difficult it is for non-white actors to break into the industry. I enjoyed this. And thanks to Kal for sending it to me.
Normally I don't read many memoirs, but this one was fun. It has a lot of stories about Penn's life, from getting set on fire for a sex scene to getting scammed by an Indian filmmaker. There are some serious bits too, particularly some insight into how Hollywood works and how difficult it is for non-white actors to break into the industry. I enjoyed this. And thanks to Kal for sending it to me.
April 9, 2022
A life in Hollywood, one in D.C. How can a person fulfill two prolific and rewarding careers? Add to it POC, add to it gay, add to it... that Hollywood and the world can pigeonhole and typecast a person mercilessly. Penn is funny but mostly informative--I live for the anecdotes of success and celebrity run-ins. There is enough here to satisfy, even if I am not an enormous fan of Penn. (But may start to be...)
November 19, 2021
I really loved this book!
Thank you Simon and Schuster for the audiobook
Thank you Simon and Schuster for the audiobook
January 19, 2022
I read this for a video (Reading Booktubers Favorite Books of 2021) and I ended up enjoying it a lot! I don't read a ton of memoirs but this one was done really well. I highly recommend the audiobook.
You can see more of my thoughts in the reading vlog I did: https://youtu.be/E_wRP-BLvLQ
Booktube | Instagram | Twitter
You can see more of my thoughts in the reading vlog I did: https://youtu.be/E_wRP-BLvLQ
Booktube | Instagram | Twitter
December 5, 2021
Funny and fascinating, especially with the lens of how much Hollywood has changed since Kal Penn started acting. Some of the microaggressions/racism Kal faced/witnessed, while not surprising, are staggering. Unlike in some memoirs when a celebrity backs off the thing that made them famous (the fun Hollywood movie stuff), when Kal transitions to his "White House" chapter (over several literal book chapters), for me it became more interesting. Kal, overall, is a unique Hollywood figure in that his pursuit of acting and then role in politics were both 100% organic and authentic to him. He's a smart cookie, but also likes dick jokes a lot.
Overall, this slots in nicely in the "funny actor guy memoir" space, where you get the "how I made it" story arc, then some funny/fun movie/TV role anecdotes, a healthy dollop of celeb name drops and also a few "blind items," with the special sauce of "oh yeah I left a hit TV show to work for President Obama!" There are also some lovely stories that are both funny and heartwarming about Kal's family and the South Asian American community.
Of course, "funny" celebrity memoirs run the gamut and can be hit or miss. At first, I was like "oh no cheesy humor" but then there were SEVERAL moments of delightfully silly, stupid humor (the just right kind) that actually made me laugh out loud. If you also like dick jokes, this has at least one really good one, with a picture! (don't worry, not of an IRL appendage lol)
The one thing I was struck by, that as always provokes the question "how much intimacy does any famous person really owe us in a memoir?" where you can just *feel* the surface level of some things, and the many things glossed over in the name of keeping some things personal and private. Which I appreciate, and endorse--it's refreshing that Penn with this book has casually come out, and his stories about meeting/dating his now-fiance are adorable. But it's just unusual to not get any reflections from Penn's earlier years about being gay--it recontextualizes so much about his earlier career, and you get some nice cracks about that, but nothing earnest or deep. Again, we are not owed that. I was just surprised!
A more than solid addition in the celebrity memoir space, that definitely ranks better than most in terms of telling a complete story with most of the anecdotes you expect, plus delivering a bit something extra.
Overall, this slots in nicely in the "funny actor guy memoir" space, where you get the "how I made it" story arc, then some funny/fun movie/TV role anecdotes, a healthy dollop of celeb name drops and also a few "blind items," with the special sauce of "oh yeah I left a hit TV show to work for President Obama!" There are also some lovely stories that are both funny and heartwarming about Kal's family and the South Asian American community.
Of course, "funny" celebrity memoirs run the gamut and can be hit or miss. At first, I was like "oh no cheesy humor" but then there were SEVERAL moments of delightfully silly, stupid humor (the just right kind) that actually made me laugh out loud. If you also like dick jokes, this has at least one really good one, with a picture! (don't worry, not of an IRL appendage lol)
The one thing I was struck by, that as always provokes the question "how much intimacy does any famous person really owe us in a memoir?" where you can just *feel* the surface level of some things, and the many things glossed over in the name of keeping some things personal and private. Which I appreciate, and endorse--it's refreshing that Penn with this book has casually come out, and his stories about meeting/dating his now-fiance are adorable. But it's just unusual to not get any reflections from Penn's earlier years about being gay--it recontextualizes so much about his earlier career, and you get some nice cracks about that, but nothing earnest or deep. Again, we are not owed that. I was just surprised!
A more than solid addition in the celebrity memoir space, that definitely ranks better than most in terms of telling a complete story with most of the anecdotes you expect, plus delivering a bit something extra.
November 18, 2021
Kal Penn’s memoir is a great read! He shares hilarious and infuriating stories from his time growing up, working in Hollywood, and in Obama’s White House. His recountings of racist things that different agents, directors, and casting directors said to him over the years will make your blood boil. Then there are also extremely funny behind the scenes stories from different movies and shows over the years. It was also great to learn more about what he did in the White House and the different things he worked on.
A lot of the press around this book is that Kal Penn came out as gay. While it is true that there’s a nice chapter about how he started dating his now fiancé, this isn’t really a coming out narrative. If you’re going in wanting to learn about how he figured out his own sexuality, how he told others, and his reasoning for staying in the closet professionally you might be a little let down by the book. Of course nobody is required to share those sorts of things, but it just felt like a lot of experiences were glossed over instead of going in-depth.
Overall I really enjoyed this book! I think it’s worth checking out even if you’re not a massive fan of Kal. His examination of Hollywood and the stereotyped roles that are produced and then his shift to politics provide a lot of food for thought.
A lot of the press around this book is that Kal Penn came out as gay. While it is true that there’s a nice chapter about how he started dating his now fiancé, this isn’t really a coming out narrative. If you’re going in wanting to learn about how he figured out his own sexuality, how he told others, and his reasoning for staying in the closet professionally you might be a little let down by the book. Of course nobody is required to share those sorts of things, but it just felt like a lot of experiences were glossed over instead of going in-depth.
Overall I really enjoyed this book! I think it’s worth checking out even if you’re not a massive fan of Kal. His examination of Hollywood and the stereotyped roles that are produced and then his shift to politics provide a lot of food for thought.
November 12, 2021
I think this memoir is, among other great things, an effective portrayal of just how racist Hollywood is, but it has a huge hole in it.
On page 138, Penn writes, "I had started dating dudes recently". That's literally all he says about discovering his sexuality. On page 191, he writes, "the decision to make the LGBT and Veterans outreach person the same dude was a blatant embrace of intersectionality," but he never acknowledges that if he had been publicly out, his hiring would have been a blatant embrace of intersectionality. After all he says about racism in Hollywood, he never once mentions the homophobia. He never discusses his decision not to come out publicly or how he felt about coming out privately.
When asked in a Reddit AMA about why he came out now and not earlier, he explains that his partner is very private, but it's possible to talk about your own sexuality without talking about your current partner. He's not obligated to write about his sexuality in his memoir, but he's not even acknowledging that that was a choice he made.
On page 138, Penn writes, "I had started dating dudes recently". That's literally all he says about discovering his sexuality. On page 191, he writes, "the decision to make the LGBT and Veterans outreach person the same dude was a blatant embrace of intersectionality," but he never acknowledges that if he had been publicly out, his hiring would have been a blatant embrace of intersectionality. After all he says about racism in Hollywood, he never once mentions the homophobia. He never discusses his decision not to come out publicly or how he felt about coming out privately.
When asked in a Reddit AMA about why he came out now and not earlier, he explains that his partner is very private, but it's possible to talk about your own sexuality without talking about your current partner. He's not obligated to write about his sexuality in his memoir, but he's not even acknowledging that that was a choice he made.
November 14, 2021
Kal Penn's impact on the visibility of Indian Americans in mainstream media and politics cannot be understated. I've grown up with his example in both pop culture and admirable work with the Obama administration. Needless to say this was the perfect memoir on audiobook that made him feel even more relatable as he told stories of his life, breaking barriers and singlehandedly making way for the golden age of South Asian representation. I was cackling and weeping as I rushed to listen to it last few days. I fully respect that it's his prerogative to share or not share what he wants of his journey, but what I didn't get from this and hope he explores in a future work is how he navigated his queer identity along with the constant obstacles related to being South-Asian American in American entert and politics. He's in a unique position of intersectionality to tell that story and I for one would be so gratified to perhaps learn if we had similar challenges.
January 10, 2022
I should start doing a better job of keeping track of where I’m getting my recommendations from. Because I didn’t even know that this memoir existed until a couple of weeks ago when I saw it on someone’s best books or best nonfiction books of 2021 list and immediately decided to add it to my tbr. And this turned out to be such a hilarious experience.
So, first things first, I’ve never watched the Harold and Kumar series. I was just out of high school in India when the first movie came out and I had grown up in a conservative sheltered household, so I was as much of a prude as you expect me to be. I think I watched my first American Pie movie a couple of years later when I was in college but quickly realized it wasn’t my kind of humor. So during those times, while I knew Kal Penn existed and had a vague idea that he was desi American comedy actor, I didn’t know anything beyond that. After my move to the US many years later, I did enjoy watching him in The Namesake and House but I had never actually given any deep thought into representation or how hard it must have been for him to do what he did in Hollywood. So this memoir was a nice way for me to get to know him better and I loved every minute of it.
Kal is a comic, so it shows in every sentence of his book. Right from when he is describing his first encounter with the n-word in elementary school to the recent cancellation of his co-created television show Sunnyside, his flair for comedy and hyperbole comes through with self deprecating humor and many jabs at the people around him. I think it is only his humor though which kept me from getting too angered at seeing all the different stereotypical racist comments and micro aggressions he had to face while trying to pursue an acting career as a brown man in Hollywood. I wondered how he was able to remain optimistic and keep an open mind amid that kind of a hostile environment but I guess he had no other choice if he wanted to pursue his dreams. Many of the incidents he relays seem a little funny on hindsight but also showcase how entrenched racism and misogyny is at a systemic level in Hollywood and may only be changing a little in recent times due to the hard work and activism of many marginalized artists who worked to make it better.
It was also interesting to see that his decision to work in the government wasn’t something that came out of the blue but due to his values and upbringing and something that he had always wanted to do. While all his Hollywood anecdotes were fun to read, I really enjoyed reading about how he came to work for the Obama campaign and then the White House. He seemed very earnest when talking about his work as a surrogate, the young people he met and talked to about their issues and all the policy work that he was able to be a part of after joining the White House. I was deeply moved by these chapters and could relate to them on some level as well because I’ve always had ideas about doing something in public service but was never encouraged and also it didn’t seem like something I could do due to my very laidback and socially awkward introverted personality. So it just felt very heartening to see someone who looked like me do the things he felt were right and find fulfillment in them.
In conclusion, this was the most fun I had while reading a memoir because even when he is talking about difficult issues, he never lets the humorous tone go. And his audiobook narration is spectacular because it is told in his dramatic showmanship style and I didn’t wanna stop listening even for a little while. This was a nice glimpse into the life of an artist who must have been a little ray of hope for young Asian Americans wanting to pursue the Hollywood dream when there was hardly any brown person on screen, and definitely a source of inspiration for those who want to balance both their artistic and activist sides.
So, first things first, I’ve never watched the Harold and Kumar series. I was just out of high school in India when the first movie came out and I had grown up in a conservative sheltered household, so I was as much of a prude as you expect me to be. I think I watched my first American Pie movie a couple of years later when I was in college but quickly realized it wasn’t my kind of humor. So during those times, while I knew Kal Penn existed and had a vague idea that he was desi American comedy actor, I didn’t know anything beyond that. After my move to the US many years later, I did enjoy watching him in The Namesake and House but I had never actually given any deep thought into representation or how hard it must have been for him to do what he did in Hollywood. So this memoir was a nice way for me to get to know him better and I loved every minute of it.
Kal is a comic, so it shows in every sentence of his book. Right from when he is describing his first encounter with the n-word in elementary school to the recent cancellation of his co-created television show Sunnyside, his flair for comedy and hyperbole comes through with self deprecating humor and many jabs at the people around him. I think it is only his humor though which kept me from getting too angered at seeing all the different stereotypical racist comments and micro aggressions he had to face while trying to pursue an acting career as a brown man in Hollywood. I wondered how he was able to remain optimistic and keep an open mind amid that kind of a hostile environment but I guess he had no other choice if he wanted to pursue his dreams. Many of the incidents he relays seem a little funny on hindsight but also showcase how entrenched racism and misogyny is at a systemic level in Hollywood and may only be changing a little in recent times due to the hard work and activism of many marginalized artists who worked to make it better.
It was also interesting to see that his decision to work in the government wasn’t something that came out of the blue but due to his values and upbringing and something that he had always wanted to do. While all his Hollywood anecdotes were fun to read, I really enjoyed reading about how he came to work for the Obama campaign and then the White House. He seemed very earnest when talking about his work as a surrogate, the young people he met and talked to about their issues and all the policy work that he was able to be a part of after joining the White House. I was deeply moved by these chapters and could relate to them on some level as well because I’ve always had ideas about doing something in public service but was never encouraged and also it didn’t seem like something I could do due to my very laidback and socially awkward introverted personality. So it just felt very heartening to see someone who looked like me do the things he felt were right and find fulfillment in them.
In conclusion, this was the most fun I had while reading a memoir because even when he is talking about difficult issues, he never lets the humorous tone go. And his audiobook narration is spectacular because it is told in his dramatic showmanship style and I didn’t wanna stop listening even for a little while. This was a nice glimpse into the life of an artist who must have been a little ray of hope for young Asian Americans wanting to pursue the Hollywood dream when there was hardly any brown person on screen, and definitely a source of inspiration for those who want to balance both their artistic and activist sides.
November 11, 2021
Easy read finished in a day. There are some really funny passages in here...with a raunchy penis gagging game...mixed in with wonky political stuff and personal identity and Hollywood business stories.
All in all though I was left wanting, feeling Kal(pen) held back quite a bit, especially regarding his personal life with regards to coming out. The book is mostly formulaic, I am happy for him, especially having learned more about him but the book was a so so read.
All in all though I was left wanting, feeling Kal(pen) held back quite a bit, especially regarding his personal life with regards to coming out. The book is mostly formulaic, I am happy for him, especially having learned more about him but the book was a so so read.
December 8, 2021
4.5 stars! I didn't really know anything about Kal Penn before starting. Never did I imagine someone could have a career both as an actor in ridiculous comedies AND the white house (not as a comedian). Amazed by all the twists and turns in Penn's life. This memoir was perfectly balanced across his life and I laughed so much. Just excellent and I recommend to everyone!
May 18, 2022
I listened to Kal Penn’s audiobook (read by him) and found it funny, insightful, and engaging. There’s a lot going on in here from his acting career to racism and discrimination, his years with Obama, his personal partnership, and other stories.
January 16, 2022
While it took a couple chapters for me to get into this book and get used to Kal's rhythm, I really enjoyed this book. He talks about racism in Hollywood and the struggle he went through to even get auditions. From changing his name to be more mainstream to dealing with the constant 'okay now do the audition with an accent' requests, the amount of nonsense he's dealt with is insane. It's interesting to hear how he got a real foot in the door with Van Wilder and that was how he was able to book Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. I think my favorite story was how he got the role of Namesake, which is my favorite movie that he's in. From being in Hollywood to joining the Obama campaign to talking about his unexpected love of Nascar because of his fiancé, there's plenty of entertainment within this book. It is in depth but it could definitely go deeper if he wanted. If you're a fan of Kal Penn then I would definitely read this one.
November 9, 2022
I love love love Kal Penn. I wish I knew him in real life. Stories about how he became President Obama's staff is both moving and courageous. I clearly remember how excited I was then, both during the election days and inauguration day. My econ professor who was also an Indian descent went to president Obama's rally and told us in details how exciting it was. While reading, those memories flooded back in.
Harold and Kumar sure is a silly, goofy movie but I remember I just loved it. I liked seeing Asians as main characters of a movie and most important of all how popular this movie became.
Now I will probably watch Designated survivor or House again.
Harold and Kumar sure is a silly, goofy movie but I remember I just loved it. I liked seeing Asians as main characters of a movie and most important of all how popular this movie became.
Now I will probably watch Designated survivor or House again.
November 29, 2021
Highly entertaining! Kal Penn knows how to write a story and does a great job giving us great insight into the ups and downs of his show biz career, from trying to crack into the business to trying to write and produce his own show. I also really loved hearing about his passion working for the Obama administration and learning more about his personal life. Excellent on audio and definitely recommended in that format! His dedication to creating a more inclusive, diverse and equal opportunity America is truly inspiring.
May 30, 2022
4 1/2 stars
Audiobook a must. Read by author. Akin to listening to a standup comedy routine.
I knew very little about Kal Penn and somehow knew nothing of his time campaigning for Obama and then working in the White House for a couple of years. Funny and touching.
March 8, 2022
Absolutely brilliant, Penn found a perfect blend of being funny, informative and enlightening. I knew this would be a 5 star read from chapter 2; thanks for the ride 👏🏼
Read
January 23, 2023This one was fun, mostly because it was my kind of humor. I learned a lot about pop culture and politics from this and will be using this knowledge to fool people into thinking I know what I’m talking about re Iowa caucus and Hollywood racism.
October 8, 2022
The audiobook of this is INCREDIBLE - I loved Kal Penn’s narration, the recorded clips of speeches, and the verbal jokes that just landed flawlessly over audio. The pacing and tone were excellent.
I’ve read a lot of memoirs by Obama staffers and a number by comedians/media folks. This is both and I wouldn’t have expected it to work as well as it does. I laughed out loud and loved both the optimism and realism.
(Unexpected crossover between this and Samantha Power’s book - I practically applauded when her commentary in OPA meetings came up.)
I’ve read a lot of memoirs by Obama staffers and a number by comedians/media folks. This is both and I wouldn’t have expected it to work as well as it does. I laughed out loud and loved both the optimism and realism.
(Unexpected crossover between this and Samantha Power’s book - I practically applauded when her commentary in OPA meetings came up.)
January 14, 2022
Well off the beaten path for me, I read this based on a recommendation from a friend. Because of that, I went in with few expectations, other than being relatively certain I would find humor inside. Kal Penn does deliver some lines that left me laughing out loud, but among the anecdotes, I found a frank look at the inside of the film industry and enjoyable stories from his time spent working within the White House. Ultimately an account of systemic racism -- both what it looks like and the stark difference when it is absent -- I think this would be a helpful (albeit, at times, linguistically colorful) listen for many. I recommend the audiobook version so that you can hear Kal's experiences in his own voice.
November 23, 2021
I really enjoyed this candid take on growing up brown in New Jersey, to being brown in Hollywood and taking on matters of brown-ness in DC. I was shocked at the structure of the book - I expected a bunch of superficial anecdotal stories as many comedians tend to write in their memoirs and while there is definitely a comedic element to the stories, they offer a lot of insight into the world of movies and politics (without naming names, of course), a rare combination that most people don’t get to experience. Sometimes it read a little bit like he was planning to run for President (is he?!) and the stories could drag on a bit, but I learned a lot about being Asian in an environment where it’s thought to be so progressive and liberal. Other times, he humble brags a bit but he is the OG of South Asian actors, bringing prominence and respect to our culture and heritage without having to white wash his cultural identity. I can get on board with the humble brags because he earned it.
Kumar is exactly the type of character that made audiences recognize we can play characters beyond the stereotypical roles. It’s so easy to say as a passive consumer, well, why did he agree to play a terrorist or do that absurd Indian accent? But what Kalpen has showed us is that in order to get what you want in the long run, you have to play their game, however unfair and demoralizing it is. He’s taught me to have patience with our South Asian actors and not assume they can just break down allllll the barriers just by being cast in one prominent role.
I also admire his service to the public by quitting a lucrative job to work for the White House and how the government he worked for tried to make effective changes for inclusivity. While he may not have solved immigration reform, etc. even just having a Pandit perform a puja in front of the president (and how that came to be) is inspiring and gives me hope that my kids can see that and proudly feel they are included in the conversation!
The Bollywood chapter was hands down my favorite though. Seeing the inner workings of that world was everything I imagined Bollywood to be!
The only perplexing factor was the downplay of him being gay. He mentions going on dates with men and eventually is engaged to one, but I feel like he could have discussed his identity a bit more. I’m sure he didn’t want this to be his focus for the book and I get that but I’m also sure there are a ton of South Asians in his situation and being gay is one of the most taboo topics in a SA household (with “going into the arts” a close second, which he thoroughly discusses at length in the beginning.) I don’t think it’s fair that he has to also break down this barrier (he’s already done so much for the culture) but it’s just weird it was sort of glossed over. He may have had his reasons but it was the only part of the book that had me scratching my head.
Kumar is exactly the type of character that made audiences recognize we can play characters beyond the stereotypical roles. It’s so easy to say as a passive consumer, well, why did he agree to play a terrorist or do that absurd Indian accent? But what Kalpen has showed us is that in order to get what you want in the long run, you have to play their game, however unfair and demoralizing it is. He’s taught me to have patience with our South Asian actors and not assume they can just break down allllll the barriers just by being cast in one prominent role.
I also admire his service to the public by quitting a lucrative job to work for the White House and how the government he worked for tried to make effective changes for inclusivity. While he may not have solved immigration reform, etc. even just having a Pandit perform a puja in front of the president (and how that came to be) is inspiring and gives me hope that my kids can see that and proudly feel they are included in the conversation!
The Bollywood chapter was hands down my favorite though. Seeing the inner workings of that world was everything I imagined Bollywood to be!
The only perplexing factor was the downplay of him being gay. He mentions going on dates with men and eventually is engaged to one, but I feel like he could have discussed his identity a bit more. I’m sure he didn’t want this to be his focus for the book and I get that but I’m also sure there are a ton of South Asians in his situation and being gay is one of the most taboo topics in a SA household (with “going into the arts” a close second, which he thoroughly discusses at length in the beginning.) I don’t think it’s fair that he has to also break down this barrier (he’s already done so much for the culture) but it’s just weird it was sort of glossed over. He may have had his reasons but it was the only part of the book that had me scratching my head.
March 9, 2022
Actor Kal Penn's story of being a South Asian actor from an immigrant family is at once heartwarming, delightfully amusing, and infuriating. That he persisted in his quest to pursue a profession whose blatant and subtle racism TO THIS DAY is rampant, is a testament to his love for his craft, his tenacity in blowing past obstacles, and an abiding belief in the possibilities his parent's adopted country offers.
His natural ability to find the humor in family foibles as well as in the absurdity of some of the racism he experienced starting in his childhood, surely became fuel and fodder for his immensely talented future self. From being called the "N" word at six years old, to his description of his teacher who couldn't tell one seven year old brown boy from another in his class, even though the boy's families were from very different parts of the world, Penn handily derides racist stupidity with humor and wit.
Indian immigrant families apparently expect their children to enter one of only a few professions and acting isn't one of them. So Kal's desire for a career in acting led to dismay and derision from his extended family of non-related "aunties". "Are you just not smart enough to become a doctor." he was asked. His parents however, eventually but with trepidation, accepted and supported his decision to go the UCLA and study acting.
Kal's delightful story of his college days, his fledgling career, the not so subtle rejections because of the color of his skin are told with comedic precision even when the outcomes are painful and enraging. With the breakout success of Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle and later sequels he finally attains a modicum of success before being bitten by the politics bug. He juggles a role on the TV show House while campaigning for Barack Obama's 2008 long shot presidential bid. His stint working on Barack Obama's campaign led to him leaving Hollywood for two years to work in the Obama White House. How he got his White House gig with a little intervention from Michelle Obama is very funny.
At times I found myself laughing out loud, chuckling to myself, or with a bemused grin on my face as I listened to the story of the American dream play itself out. I highly recommend the audio version because Kal masterfully narrates his delightful and poignant journey.
His natural ability to find the humor in family foibles as well as in the absurdity of some of the racism he experienced starting in his childhood, surely became fuel and fodder for his immensely talented future self. From being called the "N" word at six years old, to his description of his teacher who couldn't tell one seven year old brown boy from another in his class, even though the boy's families were from very different parts of the world, Penn handily derides racist stupidity with humor and wit.
Indian immigrant families apparently expect their children to enter one of only a few professions and acting isn't one of them. So Kal's desire for a career in acting led to dismay and derision from his extended family of non-related "aunties". "Are you just not smart enough to become a doctor." he was asked. His parents however, eventually but with trepidation, accepted and supported his decision to go the UCLA and study acting.
Kal's delightful story of his college days, his fledgling career, the not so subtle rejections because of the color of his skin are told with comedic precision even when the outcomes are painful and enraging. With the breakout success of Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle and later sequels he finally attains a modicum of success before being bitten by the politics bug. He juggles a role on the TV show House while campaigning for Barack Obama's 2008 long shot presidential bid. His stint working on Barack Obama's campaign led to him leaving Hollywood for two years to work in the Obama White House. How he got his White House gig with a little intervention from Michelle Obama is very funny.
At times I found myself laughing out loud, chuckling to myself, or with a bemused grin on my face as I listened to the story of the American dream play itself out. I highly recommend the audio version because Kal masterfully narrates his delightful and poignant journey.
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